Page 221 - Breaking Bad News

18th Dec 2012, 6:00 AM
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Breaking Bad News
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 18th Dec 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete
Newbiespud
Some leads take you where you want to go. Some result in dead ends.

And others give you some of the information you want, but fade away the moment you need them to be really useful.

55 Comments:

Paragrin 18th Dec 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete reply
Well.
Bootleg 18th Dec 2012, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Bootleg
Then some players get two questions to ask a spirit, and waste them on worthless questions about the spirits personal life. I hate my players some times.
CJT 18th Dec 2012, 10:04 AM edit delete reply
My favourite, from the old over-powered FR campaign in high school:

[Chaos demigod]: "Nyeeheeheeheehee! I'll answer you three questions, anything at all. But I'll also offer to answer three questions asked by [Big Bad Guy]!"

[PC]: "My first question: What questions did [Big Bad Guy] ask?"

[DM]: "...You bastard."

This was the same campaign where the DM's favourite curse was "damned free-thinking PCs" every time one of the players managed to throw him a severe enough curve-ball. Flan was particularly good at doing that.
Tatsurou 18th Dec 2012, 11:50 AM edit delete reply
How I would have responded to the three questions bit.

Me: What all was said - verbatum - in your conversation with the Big Bad?

This way, for one question, I get not only every question the Big Bad asked, but every answer, AND the Big Bad's vocalised thoughts regarding said answers.
DanielLC 18th Dec 2012, 4:43 PM edit delete reply
How about:

What is the entire verbatum conversation you had with the big bad, followed by the answers to this list of questions?
Jorlem 18th Dec 2012, 6:43 PM edit delete reply
You should have had the Chaos demigod answer by saying something along the lines of "Nothing! I haven't offered him the questions yet! Next two questions?"
ANW 18th Dec 2012, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
Poll time:
no wait, scracth that.
Survay time:
What other forms of jokes whould twilight and her friends get if it wasn't this one.
I did a joke for all 6.
Ha, I thought I ran out of poison joke ideas.
Bonus for RP thier reactions.
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
Twilight --> "Buffy Speak" (Completely lost her higher language skills)
Applejack --> "Bull's Grace" (Twice as strong, half as dexterous)
Pinkie Pie --> "Punster" (Can only speak in bad puns)
Rarity --> "Ms. Congeniality" (Takes on tomboyish mannerisms)
Fluttershy --> "Loud Howard" (Can only speak in Royal Canterlot Voice)
Rainbow Dash --> "Low Rider" (Moves slow and steady)
ANW 18th Dec 2012, 7:49 AM edit delete reply
5 out of 6 was funny.
The Low Rider, half way.
Not espilay funny, but I can laugh at her reaction.
5.5
And yes, I will be giving grades.
You need at least a 4.5 to qulifly for the next poll. And let me tell you, it is a big one. the ultimite Role Play off.
Enjoy your day.
kajisora 18th Dec 2012, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
Oohh! Oohh!
I want Pinkie's!
JR Klein 18th Dec 2012, 9:09 AM edit delete reply
Now I'm imagining Fluttershy with Loud Howard's voice. Thanks a lot.
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 2:26 PM edit delete reply
Um... oops. :3
kitsuneito 18th Dec 2012, 2:47 PM edit delete reply
i want raritys! then i would not chane at all, exept for my tomboy level going dow about %4
Tatsurou 18th Dec 2012, 11:58 AM edit delete reply
Twilight - Lagomorph hex (her magic feels completely normal and looks completely normal...but no matter what spell she casts, it results in "Summon Angel Bunny"...who is not happy about it.)
Applejack - Name-sake (she acts like she's drunk a bit too much Applejack)(Note: sake pronounced like rice wine)
Pinkie Pie - To the face (flying objects become uncontrolably drawn to her face...and always impact lightly with a 'splut' sound)
Rarity - Reverse Magnet (she becomes uncontrollably attractive...to females)
Fluttershy - Musical Diva (she is filled with an uncontrolable desire to speak, and can only speak by singing)
Rainbow Dash - I Feel Pretty (fancy frou-frou dresses appear on her body - complete with makeup - and nothing she tries gets rid of them...and the outfits change randomly every so often, and always make her look 'pretty')
ANW 18th Dec 2012, 6:36 PM edit delete reply
Twilght:Funny,1
Applejack:drunk is always funny:1
Pinkie Pie:1,need I say more
Rarity:I'm sorry, but that is not a good joke:0
Fluttershy:Good Idea, but not good enough:.5
Rainbow Dash:Funny for a good bit:.75
Total:4.25
Almost made it, just not enough.
Better luck next time.
Tatsurou 19th Dec 2012, 3:13 PM edit delete reply
Alternative for Rarity.
Who's that Pony? - She becomes the epitome of popularity - in essence, the Pony everypony wants to know - but only her closest friends are actually able to remember her name.
Destrustor 18th Dec 2012, 3:34 PM edit delete reply
Destrustor
Twilight: Oriental Litterature: She can only read from right to left. She reads everything backwards and has to flip the order of the words in her head if she wants to understand the sentences.
Applejack: Foul Apples: She suddenly finds the taste of apples disgusting. Her taste buds interpret apples as some gross substance like earwax or cold medicine. ONLY APPLES affect her this way.
Pinkie Pie: Laughter Allergy: She sneezes uncontrollably whenever she hears somepony laugh.
Fluttershy: Radio Fluttershy: All her thoughts are telepathically broadcast to everypony in a certain radius. The radius increases when less ponies are within it. At least one pony hears it at any given time.
Rarity: Reverse Midas: every gem or precious metal she touches or manipulates with her magic transforms into an ugly or useless type of stone, or some kind of dirt.
Rainbow Dash: Parachute Ears: Her ears grow to a size that impairs her flight and makes her hyper-sensitive to sound, forcing her to stay on the ground and be quiet.
ANW 18th Dec 2012, 6:41 PM edit delete reply
While yes, Poison Joke puts a curse on you, It's a funny curse.
We can't laugh at Twi's brain
Applejack no laugh
Pinkie Pie:the only one I can laugh at.
Fluttershy:To embearing.
Rarity:That's not a joke
Rainbow, the ears works, but the sound, not so much
1.5
No where near enough.
Destrustor 18th Dec 2012, 8:29 PM edit delete reply
Destrustor
Can't you laugh at THE IRONY!?!?
I have robbed them of everything they love!!

Hmmmm, okay. How about:
-Whenever Twilight tries to explain something, her words only come out as "Blah blah blah" This doesn't affect her normal speech or simple statements.
-Applejack switches to a random, different accent every time she speaks.
-Fluttershy becomes invisible, but very loud in everything she does. Half the town can hear her walking, for example.
-Rarity becomes a dirt magnet: dust and mud cling to her like glue.
Pinkie and Rainbow: same as my previous comment.
ANW 19th Dec 2012, 5:17 AM edit delete reply
I am really sorry. They are funny, I like Irony. It just that they seemed too serious. A little to serious for poison joke. As for you new choices
6
Why did I give you the other half point.
Fluttershy's joke makes Rainbow dash cringe all the time.
CaptainAizen 18th Dec 2012, 11:46 PM edit delete reply
The thing about this, is that everyone's opinion of a good joke is different.
I found almost all of the submitted entries funny for various reasons.
ANW 19th Dec 2012, 8:17 AM edit delete reply
I agree with you Cap., but this poll deals with poison joke, and Irony is funny, but the blue flowers affect you in a way that everypony can tell by seeing or hearing them. that's why I couldn't give a good 4 points for Destrustor.
LoganAura 19th Dec 2012, 4:12 PM edit delete reply
LoganAura
Twilight: Open Book. She can't stop speaking and saying her thoughts about anything. Sadly, that means nonstop magibabble
Pinkie: Gag Me. Pinkie says cheesy jokes anytime she sneezes, which is more often.
Rarity: Fashonister. Rarity turns into a stallion.
Fluttershy: Quiet as a BOOM. At random intervals her steps or speak lets out a loud animal noise.
Dash: BackTrotting. Any movement she takes makes her go in the opposite direction.
Applejack: Big Apple Seller. Speaks in her Manehatten accent, no matter how she tries to speak normally
Tatsurou 20th Dec 2012, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
Or, another Rarity alternative...
Pratfaller - she has an uncontrollable attraction to mud, dirt, brambles, and generally anything that will make her look dirty or messy...unless she is currently dirty or messy. The next pratfall will only happen after she's finished cleaning up from the previous one and at the exact instant she feels perfectly safe...and each mess will be worse than the last.
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
Poison Joke doesn't affect kids under a certain age? I never heard of a G-rated family friendly poison before. :D

Gotta love D&D's arbitrary laws of magical physics/chemistry.
Biri 18th Dec 2012, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
Well, my knowledge of the human physiology and biology in general is rather (extemely) vague, but how about if the poison requires a certain level of some hormone or enzyme or whatever (produced from puberty onwards) in the body before it activates?

(And yes, my knowledge of biology does mostly consist of buzzwords.)
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 7:10 AM edit delete reply
Given that I don't have much more than a buzzword vocab as well, I might buy that explanation.
Raxon 18th Dec 2012, 7:31 AM edit delete reply
Raxon
That's not unreasonable, but it would take an extremely specific chemical makeup. There are, after all, pills for women that are dangerous for men to take.
Tatsurou 18th Dec 2012, 12:00 PM edit delete reply
Well, if Poison Joke didn't occur naturally, but was created - by, say, Discord - then it's reasonable to assume it can tapdance while singing Kumbaya backwards. As such, a specific chemical combination that does not effect the pre-pubescent is hardly beyond belief.
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 2:27 PM edit delete reply
I believe this is how the "Point of View" gun worked in the Hitchhiker's Guide...
Ryuutakeshi 18th Dec 2012, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
And sometimes the information is so well hidden that it's almost always a miracle we even figured it out. But then again, we did discover that one of our players is the daughter of Elven Dr. Seuss. So it all worked out in the end.
CJT 18th Dec 2012, 10:06 AM edit delete reply
My mind is insisting on parsing that as "Elven Fourth-Doctor-Seuss". Ow.
Raxon 18th Dec 2012, 7:36 AM edit delete reply
Raxon
Today's storytime is about excessive amounts of pointless information in a game! Alternatively, a game where a source of information always gave you almost enough, but the information ended before you learned all that you needed.
Kiana 18th Dec 2012, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
Kiana
Sounds a little like Lore, the librarian in my pony campaign. Being a master of scrying magic, there's no question she can't answer!
...Just that, sometimes, she can't answer it -when you need it- or when it's relevant.

Party asked her for information on an artifact they found. She takes it to study. Soon after, the A plot kicks in and the party never gets back to the artifact. =D (Which should make for a nice Chekhov's gun, if I have my way.)

In fact, if I remember right, the party leader got a cat familiar just so she could communicate with key NPCs easier, over a distance. (Since cats don't have a range limit and can carry messages.)
Aegis Steadfast 18th Dec 2012, 8:35 AM edit delete reply
Aegis Steadfast
I still haven't thought of a decent name for it.
Kiana 18th Dec 2012, 10:14 AM edit delete reply
Kiana
Sir Purrsius the Fluffy, squire.
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 2:34 PM edit delete reply
I remember running a Shadowrun game where I gave the party a "Chekhov's Healing Potion".

The Runners were hired to protect a poor neighborhood from a street gang, who were hired by a ruthless real estate agent determined to take that land and build a strip mall on it.

A couple of the PCs found that a dryad lived within the largest tree in the neighborghood and the dryad offered the PCs some magical ice cubes that never melt anf heal you when you eat them. An offering to help the team defend the neighborhood.

Well the party ork held onto them... and never brought it up again.

After that campaign ended the ork realized he kept holding the items and the rest of the team about killed him because they could have prevented two deaths over the course of the campaign with those.
CJT 18th Dec 2012, 10:14 AM edit delete reply
The Athaneum we gained access to in the Pathfinder campaign probably counts. We found it in the depths of Roman London ^W^W the ancient ruined Thyrian city of Talimar.

It's a library the likes of which we'd never seen, despite living in what amounts to a university town with the best library of the modern age (the Basilica of Enlightenment). Near as I can tell, the DM modelled some of it after the Library of Congress. The part at the entrance is pretty much a statium-type arrangement of ring-shaped floors with bookshelves, and stairs between floors.

Catch number one: our access key has limited charges. Once we use them up, we can't enter the library, period. Trying to force our way in would be a Bad Idea.

Catch number two: library rules forbid copying anything, at our permission level. So the party wizard can enter, and maybe even camp out there for a while, but anything he wants to study needs to be studied in-library.

Catch number three: There's a librarian-hologram ("mana eidolon" construct). She's basically the Enterprise's computer, able to answer any questions we might have, but also savvy enough to have immediately realized the wizard had swiped someone else's card and grilled him about that. Given that the Thyrians specialized in constructs, and had magic that still puts modern magic to shame, and that the rest of the administrative complex had quite a few inactive constructs, crossing her seems like a Very Bad Idea.

So, all the knowledge we could ever want, *just* beyond reach.

(We have plans to gain higher-level access, but the whole "evil armies invade" thing put that on the backburner.)
Rahal 18th Dec 2012, 7:38 AM edit delete reply
As someone who usually plays the party Rogue or Bard I always find it amusing when the players at the table are clueless as to which leads to follow or even have a lead until the DM hits them over the head with it.

In the Pathfinder campaign I play, this happened once when we completely took the plot off the rails and ended up investigating the deaths of some local soldiers (which my Rogue actually found along with way with a Natural 20 Survival roll to find our way to the nearest town), we were newcomers in hostile territory, and were rather obviously asking around about missing patrols and rogue elements in the guard a Natural 20 Diplomacy from my Rogue revealed that there was some but because we weren't exactly being subtle, word got out about our investigation. And so the Town Guard ended up being summoned. A second Natural 20 in Diplomacy (it is a running joke with the group that I only ever roll well out of combat and always roll 1's for HP rolls) from my Rogue later and we somehow ended up getting an armed escort from the town guard for a while during the adventure, which the DM handwaved as the Captain putting into our party to keep an eye on us and arrest us if we don't fulfil our quest.

Hilariously the DM himself kept forgetting about the two mooks we had with us who we kept trying to send on first and get to fight for us. The DM ended up killing them off during the "boss encounter" that he set us and then dropped a dragon and his Tiefling handler on top of us after the fight to try and get us back on the rails.

The Wizard STILL wanted to go off the rails but thankfully the rest of the party had enough sense to listen to the guy that controls the freaking DRAGON.

Anyway that is my story of an investigation in a D&D game that went off in a really odd direction due to the players.
KathiraNarae 18th Dec 2012, 8:37 AM edit delete reply
Hmm, mesthinks the 'only affect those above a certain age' is a GM's handwave, since the only ones involved that that rule can be applied to are flamin' NPCs.

Solution: Fireball GM.
Crimson Doom 18th Dec 2012, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
Crimson Doom
"Solution: Fireball DM."

DM's Solution: Rocks Fall, Everypony Dies. >:D
Digo 18th Dec 2012, 2:37 PM edit delete reply
My solution:
Hire the village children to assault Zecora's treehouse. :D
CJT 19th Dec 2012, 11:16 AM edit delete reply
That... explains at least one of the CMC escapades way too well.
Grey Acumen 18th Dec 2012, 8:59 AM edit delete reply
I hate to introduce myself with a complaining comment, but I can't help but be a little annoyed at the idea that poison joke only affects people of a certain age. Spike wasn't there, and applebloom was riding on Applejack's back by the time they arrived at the poisonjoke, so neither of those two touched the flower itself. There's no need to come up with some goofy excuse for them to not be affected by it.
Unless that's a point that is supposed to be important later for the purposes of the plot specific to friendship is dragons.
Zuche 18th Dec 2012, 1:38 PM edit delete reply
In the television series, that's correct. In game, that wouldn't have been so easy to prove.

TS: Why wasn't Apple Bloom affected?
DM: She never came into contact with the flowers. She was standing on AJ's body the entire time.
AJ: I don't remember that.
RD: So why did it affect me? I fly everywhere!
Lyntermas 18th Dec 2012, 9:11 AM edit delete reply
Lyntermas
TS: So the book doesn't know anything, so I guess we'd have to go find someone who does.
AJ: ...Like that Zecora lady we met yesterday, if I reckon correctly.
FS: Wait, we followed her into the Poison Joke. Maybe she got affected too.
RD: Or maybe...she just wanted us to be stuck in a position so that we'd be WILLING test subjects.
RY: ...She's responsible for messing up Rarity's mane? IT. IS. ON.

Anyway, I've got part 1 of my Too Many Pinkie Pies alt-script for you guys to puruse. Hope you enjoy.
Tatsurou 18th Dec 2012, 12:10 PM edit delete reply
Very well done, Lyntermas. I really enjoyed it...especially Pinkie complaining that it was too easy to get to the lake. THat was hilarious.
Ranubis 18th Dec 2012, 2:45 PM edit delete reply
Ranubis
Ha! Great alt-script, I love the DM's reaction to the Item Wormhole feat.
Forderz 19th Dec 2012, 1:57 PM edit delete reply
Forderz
Foolish Pinkie Pie. "Why don't you try it out" is a death sentence coming from a GM.
redwings1340 19th Dec 2012, 9:45 PM edit delete reply
redwings1340
hahaha, the DM must be excited now, although I would also be a little worried that if anypony could make it work, Pinkie could.
Cain 18th Dec 2012, 10:55 AM edit delete reply
gotta love loopholes
Giggle Tail 18th Dec 2012, 1:17 PM edit delete reply
Giggle Tail
Our last campaign included an NPC early on who gave us only this cryptic advice:

"The staff is the key."

No matter how much we asked him to clarify what this meant, he would just say it again. Peeved the party sorcerer off to no end, much to the delight of me and our DM.
Page-Mistress 18th Dec 2012, 8:56 PM edit delete reply
Is the page they need missing from the book? [eyes narrow] That means someone damaged the book. And didn't tell anyone.
[pulls out a Page Master Staff and smacks it against the palm of her hand]
CaptainAizen 18th Dec 2012, 11:49 PM edit delete reply
Page _mistress_ staff you mean?
Page-Mistress 19th Dec 2012, 10:54 PM edit delete reply
...That would make more sense than titling it after my boss...