Page 499 - Diversified Portfolio

4th Oct 2014, 6:00 AM
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Diversified Portfolio
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 4th Oct 2014, 6:00 AM edit delete
If nothing else, being a DM is a great way to practice making lots and lots of characters for a variety of narrative functions. Over time, it gets easier to make new ones, especially if you *cough* have a group that loves to get attached to one-note placeholders, forcing you to improvise and characterize on the fly *cough*.

On a completely unrelated note, an exceptionally dramatic session of Fallout is Dragons is coming. Unfortunately, it came to a choice between staying up all night to power through the worst of it, or getting some actual sleep, and for once I chose the sanity-preserving option. I expect to have it all uploaded by this evening, but for now I submit this as an appetizer.

Also, looks like we're almost at 500...
Newbiespud 5th Oct 2014, 5:54 AM edit delete
A day late and a dollar short, here's the next Fallout is Dragons!
Session 24: Libsyn YouTube


Raxon 4th Oct 2014, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Time we did a Welch list. Write about what you are no longer allowed to do in games. Any game is admissible. I'll start us off.

D&D 3.5: I am no longer allowed to enchant any kind of dirty magazine into an ego weapon.

D&D 3.5: I may have a rabbit for a familiar, but I may not have a playboy bunny.

D&D 3.5: I am not allowed to commit seppuku in front of small children, especially if I can get up and chase them around afterwards.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: I cannot have any weapon that requires me to remove my pants.

D&D 3.5: I am no longer allowed to play a character who dual wields fishing rods.

D&D 3.5: I may not put invisible tattoos on anyone that require a direct application of fire to reveal.

D&D 3.5: My dwarf is not a sociopath who lives purely off of alcohol.

D&D 3.5: Beards will not turn children into men. I need to leave the elf school before they call the cops.

D&D 3.5: My beard does not grow longer and more golden every time I level up.

D&D 3.5: At no time is my beard ever allowed to be described as "golden" and "spikey".

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: Seduction is a privilege, not a right. Pickup lines like "Ya know, you're kinda short, baby." on a successful roll will get my privileges taken away.

Shadowrun: My sensei it the ancient martial arts was not Betty White.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: While I am allowed to play an elf, we are not a race of total bastards. It is not in our national anthem.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: We did not steal said anthem from the dark ones.

Shadowrun: My spirit animals is not a tiger named Hobbes.

Shadowrun: I do not have a spirit animal. End of story.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: My sorcerer is not allowed to give children syringes filled with random household chemicals and tell them it's the secret to his powers.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: Brainwashing is not a full contact sport.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: No, the football(American) padding and long rubber gloves do not help my case.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: A sheep's testicle, a long neck beer bottle, a pair of chopsticks, a pint of Chanel No. 5, a spool of copper wire, a smoke alarm, a credit card, some red food coloring, and half a pound of dry ice are not the proper tools for humane brainwashing.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: I am not allowed to explain how these items me be used together. EVER.

Shadowrun: The flank is not the most succulent meat on a troll.

Shadowrun: Dwarves do not have gizzards.

Shadowrun: "Abusively sexy" and "ghoul" are never to be used in the same sentence again.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: My ability to pick up and wield the paladin does not make her hit twice as hard. Even if physics says it should.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: I can, however, give her double the attacks in this manner, because that makes so much more sense.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: This style of combat is not urban ballet. The paladin will hit me if I ever call her "my leading diva" again.

Shadowrun: "The Gambler" is not an appropriate song to sing at a wedding.

Shadowrun: I cannot play an observant orthodox jewish ghoul. This is a broken character concept.

Shadowrun: Building a character for whom the very act of eating is a traumatic, psychologically harmful experience is not 'interesting,' nor is it funny when his weekly 'meal' occurs during a run. This results in everyone dying.

Shadowrun: A ghoul cannot pass for as vampire if he just takes a bite out of the neck.

Shadowrun: My ghoul character can and will be put on a watch registry if he continues to lure high school girls into alleyways to feed.

Shadowrun: Despite the fact that all the girls live, I am no longer allowed to remove appendixes to feed on, even if they are, technically, flesh.

Shadowrun: If I do somehow get away with luring high school girls into dark alleys, drugging them, taking out their appendixes, and then sewing them back up with surgical care and precision, double billing them for outpatient care is going too far.

Shadowrun: The fact that they are young, fit, and will heal better does not excuse my preying on cheerleaders. Even if they may ultimately be healthier for having it out.

Shadowrun: When my ghoul is hounded by people for being near a school, his response cannot be "Hey, I'm a monster, not a pervert! Have some decorum!"

Shadowrun: When someone else calls me a monster, I am not allowed to say "Hey! No! That is OUR word!"

Shadowrun: Walking into a high school cafeteria and snapping my own neck, even if I can survive it, is not an acceptable prank.

Shadowrun: This goes double if I can stop my heart at will.

Shadowrun: I absolutely may not return again the very next week and do it again.

Shadowrun: Tuesday is not my evil day. My character does not spontaneously become a psychopath for 24 hours.

Shadowrun: At no point are the words 'detachable' and 'nipple' ever to be used in the same sentence, especially if the next words are 'stick-on comlinks'.

Shadowrun: I am not allowed to use daycares as safehouses ever again.

Shadowrun: On a related note, plastic explosives are not to be stored in Play-do cups.

Shadowrun: No, scratching out the part of the label that says, "non-toxic" does not make it okay.

Shadowrun: I am not allowed to add coloring and scents to my plastic explosives so they can be disguised as children's play-do.

Shadowrun: I am, however, allowed to add coloring and scent in order to disguise them as things like cake, food, excrement, corpses, gerbils, vitamins, flowers, com-links, crowns, hammers, bricks, and and thermometers. But only when I intend to kill people or blow stuff up with them.

D&D 3.5, Shadowrun: Dirty limericks are not to be used as spell incantations.

Shadowrun: I am not allowed to have any geas that involves my tongue leaving my mouth.

Shadowrun: My genitals cannot be prehensile, no matter how many points I put into cyber enhancements.

Shadowrun: Even if I'm female.

Shadowrun: Especially if I'm female.

Shadowrun: Explaining how this is possible does not help, it only makes the GM OD on brain bleach.

Shadowrun: "The toughest jew in Belfast" is not adequate backstory.

Shadowrun: It is the year 2070. The catholics and protestants in Ireland have been at peace for a long time.

Shadowrun: That does not mean they teamed up against the jew in order to make us tougher.

Shadowrun: I am not allowed to play a bishonen ghoul. Any character whose romantic prospects makes the yaoi fangirl squick out are banned.

Shadowrun: Especially if said fangirl is our gm.

Shadowrun: Ghouls are not 'basically just melting hippies.'

Shadowrun: There are no such things as porn gremlins.

Shadowrun: I do not have video proof of them. especially if by porn gremlins, I mean gremlin porn.

Shadowrun: C4 is not a building material. As such, I may not make chairs, tables, and especially not beds out of it.

Shadowrun: If I do manage to get away with C4 beds, I can never have sex on them. EVER.

Shadowrun: Milk crate furniture all through my house does not get me a bonus to my starting cash due to being a tightwad.

Shadowrun: Any furniture design where the description starts with "Okay, you remember that episode of twilight zone where..." is right out.

Shadowrun: "Bubba's love patrol" is NOT The number one most popular hit single in the world. And it is wrong to tell new players this.

Shadowrun: If my character ever does get his hands on a nuke, even a very tiny one, it cannot be used as a high powered blasting cap for an even bigger blast involving several thousand metric tons of C4.

Shadowrun: 'Several thousand metric tons' of C4 does not exist in shadowrun, and even if it does, the government notices when obscene amounts of high explosives go missing.

Shadowrun: My mentor spirit is not Princess Celestia.

Shadowrun: I do not need to write her a letter every week telling her what I've learned.

Shadowrun: Especially if it involves Bubba the love troll. That's the kind of thing that gets you banished to the moon.

Shadowrun: The Yakuza are not interested in in my graphic novel ideas. Broad generalizations about Japan and its interests will not change that, and will, in fact, get me shot.

Shadowrun: Bubba the love troll was not my sensei in the ancient art of wang fu. If I ever attempt to claim this again, I will be forever banned from being the face.

Shadowrun: Bags of holding have no place in Shadowrun. As such, I may not implement my infamous double bag trick, even if it doesn't cost me any essence to r