Page 1014 - Summoner's Remorse

18th Jan 2018, 5:00 AM in The Best Night Ever, Part 2
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Summoner's Remorse
Average Rating: 5 (1 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 18th Jan 2018, 5:00 AM edit delete
Artist: ChrisTheS

Seems like a good time to ask: Any hilarious stories for a Story Time about summons and pets?

Also got some fresh tabletop gaming content in the form of Tales of New Dunhaven, today and Saturday!
Session 13-1 - The Motherland Job, Part 1: Libsyn YouTube

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: February 20th.



Digo Dragon 18th Jan 2018, 5:40 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Mostly sad, flustering stories. The GM isn't consistent with how summons operate. Half the time they sit there and do nothing until ordered, the other half they spring into action and take their own initiative instead of following orders.
Haledrake 18th Jan 2018, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
If 4e, that's super fucking lame dude.

4e Summons have *explicit* actions when you haven't given them orders on a given turn. By making them completely volatile anyway, there's no reason to ever take a more "benign" summon if they're just going to bloody ignore you.
Digo Dragon 18th Jan 2018, 12:14 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
It's 3.5, but it's still a lame problem to have. The spell says that the summons immediately attack your enemies unless you give it other commands. There's no reason to bring in an elemental or archon and then it just stands there for two rounds because you didn't tell it to attack.
Dusk Raven 19th Jan 2018, 12:18 PM edit delete reply
That sucks. By that point I'd be having words with the GM - or at least asking, each time I summon something, "Is it going to wait for orders as though it has no free will of its own, or do what it wants as though I had no control over it?"

...I tend to get snarky with bad DMs if they're not my friends. Thankfully, all my DMs IRL are my friends...
Samwich 18th Jan 2018, 6:07 AM Celestial Avalanche edit delete reply
My gaming group decided to make some ridiculously high level characters and fight a super boss once. Unfortunately, we didn’t communicate at all during character creation, and we wound up with 4 epic level conjuration wizards. So when the fight started, everybody cast Time Stop and immediately started spamming Summon Monster. By the end of the fight, the boss was physically buried under an avalanche of celestial elephants, rhinos, bears, and badgers.
ChrisTheS 18th Jan 2018, 6:53 AM edit delete reply
That doesn't sound at all unfortunate to me...
Platonix 18th Jan 2018, 7:35 AM edit delete reply
My group did something like that once, though at a lower level. I forget how low, but well under level 10. We were exploring a dungeon and found a room with a large pool...occupied by some kind of aquatic monster with tentacles that wanted to eat us. The party's arcanist and druid teamed up to overwhelm the monster with a whole pod of summoned Celestial Porpoises and normal porpoises.
Wulfraed 18th Jan 2018, 8:18 AM edit delete reply
The badgers is just being cruel.
Anvildude 18th Jan 2018, 8:55 AM edit delete reply
I really hope the DM started playing Pokemon fight music when combat started.
Winged Cat 18th Jan 2018, 11:28 AM edit delete reply
Winged Cat
Or at least once the summons started happening.
Haledrake 18th Jan 2018, 6:33 AM edit delete reply
Mostly my Controller experience consists of Druids.

Many/most of the great Druid Summon Dailies are like RonCo's Rotisserie. Set it, and forget it!

Kind of a whole different animal, but I did have a 3.5 Leadership character (*mostly* not played cheesily) who ended up in a situation where his two highest level bodyguards were mind controlled... that one involved a lot of double movements while solving a puzzle to get back to the main party for some halp.
FanOfMostEverything 18th Jan 2018, 6:46 AM edit delete reply
But do the summons come with a flavor injector?
Digo Dragon 18th Jan 2018, 12:10 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
I'm now imagining druids basting their summons in the juices of their defeated enemies.
ChrisTheS 18th Jan 2018, 7:20 AM edit delete reply
Full-res shots here.

I actually hadn't read the power description yet when I did this bit. Afterwards I had a panicked moment thinking "wait a minute, do 4e summons work like this?" and went back to check on it. Thankfully, it did.
Guest 19th Jan 2018, 10:49 AM edit delete reply
Dusk Raven 19th Jan 2018, 12:39 PM edit delete reply
I think the Magma Beast is envious of Fancy Pants in page 481, and wants an Applejack of its own.
Dayn 18th Jan 2018, 7:35 AM edit delete reply
Not too long ago in our pathfinder campaign, the DM wanted to show us what we were missing with teamwork feats. So.....he had a group of mercenaries break into our house while we were asleep and pretty much kidnap us using their team stealth and grapple techniques. Once we were awake and in the same room....our summoner poofed into existence a small herd of ponys. Yes...ponys. Who blocked off access to us while they chewed through our ropes. The DM didn't run the next two weeks.
Winged Cat 18th Jan 2018, 11:29 AM edit delete reply
Winged Cat
But were the ponies little?
Destrustor 18th Jan 2018, 3:04 PM edit delete reply
With a large enough scale, everything can be little.
Boris Carlot 18th Jan 2018, 8:29 AM edit delete reply
Not really interesting stories, but I've had a lot of Shadowrun encounters completely broken over the player's knee by high force summoned spirits. Fraggin' magicrun :(
jaguargamma 18th Jan 2018, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
GURPS Dungeon Fantasy, made an artificer character. I wanted her to be an adventurer-engineer, so I built a steampunk mechanical wolf as her companion. A bit exotic for the tech level, but the GM approved it. And it worked well for the party, because nobody made a character dedicated to tanking, support or DPS. The only one that came close was a combat-focus Druid.

So I built the wolf out into a fighter/tank, and the artificer would step in as a fighter/mage with her Gizmos advantage until the Druid got more character points to spend on spellcasting.

First round of combat, he'd attempt to rush the enemy. His Brawling skill started at 16 and went up to 18, so unless the enemy he rush rolled really good on his defense roll, he got tackled by a 300lb iron-and-copper wrecking ball powered by steam and hate and got his throat torn out. His buddies would turn and try to save him, but their attacks would just ping off his Damage Resistance 6 (the equivalent of wearing full-plate armor at this tech level). If he felt like retaliating, he had his choice of breathing fire or boiling-hot steam back at them.

The GM had to rework the challenge level of future encounters after our first adventure, and I've been a lot more anal-retentive about limiting my pets' power since then in tabletop RPGs.
terrycloth 18th Jan 2018, 9:29 AM edit delete reply
Intercontinental ballistic cheetahs. Also known as a wand of summon monster <whatever>. Once per day, cheetahs can run or charge a ridiculous distance (in Pathfinder) -- something like 500 feet.

We got attacked in a strung-out caravan and it would have taken me ages to get in range for anything else, but with my trusty cheetah-launcher I was able to help disrupt the barbarian horde...
terrycloth 18th Jan 2018, 9:34 AM edit delete reply
That campaign had three characters who did a lot of summoning, so in addition to the cheetahs we also had swarms (like, >20) of lantern archons chasing bosses around plinking at them with irresistable 1d6 touch attacks, evil skeletons that had to be kept locked in a box because if there were no enemies in range they'd attack the party, long-range air drops using air elementals in whirlwind mode as transport helicopters (PAINFUL transport helicopters), and also air elementals as vacuum cleaners to get rid of annoying spider webs so that we could shoot at the annoying spiders.
Thor 18th Jan 2018, 11:19 AM edit delete reply
Summoning OP plz nerf T_T
Masterweaver 18th Jan 2018, 4:34 PM edit delete reply
I was part of a ponyfinder one-off on tuesday. We played side characters, mostly; Trixie, Zecora, Lyra, Tree Hugger, Spike.

But there was also Fluttershy. Which meant there was also Angel Bunny.

And the two of them DOMINATED the fights.

Angel always started jumping out of nowhere and nomming down on the baddie's face. And Shy had a crossbow, and it NEVER MISSED. The rest of the party was okay (except for Tree Hugger, who never scored a hit and couldn't even buff others properly), but those two... man. Fights were over before they began.
Dragonflight 18th Jan 2018, 5:59 PM edit delete reply
I recall a 3D&D game I'd been in at the time. I can't recall what we were being attacked by, but I whipped out a Monster Summoning, and decided to throw whatever I got at the bad guys.

What I got was giant acid slugs which (according to the description,) can swallow whole and blast clouds of acid on enemies.

Now, applying even a *little* logic to that statement above means it doesn't stand to reason that the slugs could *both* swallow a whole person *and* blast clouds of acid. So the GM decided it's a double-ended attack. It can swallow whole, or turn around and blast enemies with high-speed acid clouds the other way.

The enemy got badly melted. But the image of a half-dozen giant slugs farting acid clouds on our enemies was so traumatic that none of us *to this day* will touch a monster summoning spell if we can't somehow influence what we get. NO-ONE wants the farting acid slugs of doom again... :)
Freemage 18th Jan 2018, 6:20 PM edit delete reply
My most notorious character in the old 3.5 Living Greyhawk campaign was a Conjurer-turned-Alienist.

Often, while camping, he would use low-level Summons that hadn't been burned off during the day to call up a couple opposed-alignment creatures and have them fight it out, taking notes on the combat. When more squeamish characters objected, he pointed out that he was merely making certain that he understood the creatures' innate abilities well enough to best use them tactically for the benefit of the party.
The Enigmatic Jack 18th Jan 2018, 9:06 PM edit delete reply
I used to have a necromancer who was fondly (well, kind of) referred to as The Florist. The DM let me adapt a few spells and abilities for him from other sources (was a 3.0 game) and one of them allowed him to animate and control dead animals (to the point that I could see what they see). It was an evil campaign, so starting out I used it mostly for sneakiness... I think we lured a dog out of a village, killed it and then animated it to send back into the village to scope things out.

And then I discovered that the wording was a little vague.

Instead of just zombifying animals, I figured out that I could get more troops and deal more damage in battle if I went with skeletons instead. And there was no level cap on it... the higher I went in level, the more skeletons I could create. I double-checked with the DM, who gave me the full go-ahead to use and abuse it to my heart's content. The skeletons didn't have to be fresh, or even "assembled"... they just had to be in the general area (as per the DM).

This led to The Florist getting a really nice bag of holding and turning battles into swarms of chicken skeletons washing over the enemy like a fever dream from Link to the Past.
SRP 21st Jan 2018, 9:28 AM edit delete reply
"I used to have a necromancer who was fondly (well, kind of) referred to as The Florist."

This reminds of Grim Fandango. There the dead could die by being being injected fertilizer, which made plants grow on their bodies.
BackSet 19th Jan 2018, 4:04 PM edit delete reply
I told this story before but it's let related: basically, me and my group of insane adventurers trout it would be a good idea to shove a bee larvae in my pack and keep it as a pet. Surprisingly, nobody noticed.
The Enigmatic Jack 20th Jan 2018, 9:05 PM edit delete reply
That reminds me of the Fallout campaign a friend was running. My kind-of-unstable Vault Dweller found a brain in a jar in one of the facilities we were in and just sort of... put the jar in his pack and kept it.

He named it Fred, I think.
Cliff Robotnik 20th Jan 2018, 12:38 AM edit delete reply
Borrowing an Idea from the "Lost Kingdoms" series from the Gamecube, I introduced a Deck of blank cards(mostly), that could be used to Capture, Resummon, and Control creatures and beings captured, based on a cooldown system centered on their CR...

(Victoms also had to be alive.)

Considering one of my PC's has a full on MacGyver reputation, you can imagine how badly this ends... specially when i have them fight a adolescent Dragon, and overlooked that his CR was exactly on the Cards CR limit...

Aaaand thats how my PC's got "Summon Green Dragon" once per month...

They never used it because they were always afraid they'll need it MORE later... so it worked out!
SilverShadow4 24th Jan 2018, 12:48 PM edit delete reply
I played an Antipaladin in Pathfinder and had a Dretch Demon as my Fiendish Boon. We burned an abandoned village and part of the surrounding forest down after trapping a target inside a building. After turning in the quest back in a funtional town, I leveled up and could choose a new (read: better) Boon. Instead of dismissing the Dretch back to it's home plane, I decided to set it free right outside town lol
Solario the Visored 31st Jan 2018, 8:33 PM edit delete reply
In one campaign, I was playing a wizard in a party that was using downtime to participate in a grand tournament with a variety of class-catering events. My wizard entered a magic duel and my opponent immediately challenged me to what basically amounted to a pokemon battle using summoned creatures. The DM, using his own variation of the rules, asked whether I'd like to summon one strong monster or a bunch of weaker ones, and I chose the former. My opponent did the opposite and sent his little minions swarming my burly beast. Rolling a good attack (maybe it was a crit?), my monster literally exploded, destroying itself and all its enemies. In the end, one of my monster's arms was still there, twitching on the ground, which meant I technically won the duel.