Page 1022 - Devil in the Derail

6th Feb 2018, 5:00 AM in The Best Night Ever, Part 2
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Devil in the Derail
Average Rating: 5 (1 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 6th Feb 2018, 5:00 AM edit delete
Artist: ChrisTheS

I think this Story Time prompt speaks for itself.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



ANW 6th Feb 2018, 5:03 AM edit delete reply
Your most dangerous artifacts.
Digo Dragon 6th Feb 2018, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Tiamat's Plate of Many Cookies: This was a 12-inch silver tray with a stack of various cookies. Much like the Deck of Many Things, what you get when you eat a cookie is fairly random, though the type of cookie eaten had some control over a subset of varying effects. For example: Oatmeal Raisin cookies gave you the best chance of something benevolent like a heal spell. The Sugar Cookies had the most likely result of polymorphing you into something random (but possibly beneficial). The double-chocolate chip could kill you. Or your enemies.

When the plate ran out of cookies, Tiamat would show up for the tray so she could restock. No, that's not necessarily a good thing. :3
Joe the Rat 6th Feb 2018, 7:09 AM edit delete reply
Oh that is wonderful. I may have to steal the plate.
Greenhornet 6th Feb 2018, 1:05 PM edit delete reply
And now I have the image of a dragon, wearing an apron, baking cookies!
Thank you.
Digo Dragon 7th Feb 2018, 5:43 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
When Tiamat did show up the one time they ran out of cookies, I did had her wearing an apron. :D
Dusk Raven 10th Feb 2018, 2:58 PM edit delete reply
I'll have to steal that as well, or at least run it by my group.
CrowMagnon 6th Feb 2018, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
Don't have much on this topic, but my group came into possession of a Robe of Powerlessness and properly identified it as such before anybody tried putting it on. So naturally the 'outside-the-box' thinker in the party wants to hold onto it to put on troublesome villains.
Balrighty 6th Feb 2018, 8:49 AM edit delete reply
We have a 5E Barbarian named Guts (inspired by the Berserk character of the same name and just as hard to kill) who canonically has a lich's phylactery keistered.
ChrisTheS 6th Feb 2018, 8:56 AM edit delete reply
Coincidentally, we had one too (in 3.5e Eberron)... eventually the difference between his attack bonus and everyone else's got so extreme that I had to infect him with incurable slow-acting mummy rot to keep the playing field relatively even.
Anvildude 6th Feb 2018, 11:44 AM edit delete reply
Uh... "Kiestered"? So... it's shoved up his, um...
Balrighty 7th Feb 2018, 10:21 AM edit delete reply
Yep, exactly what you think. Surprisingly, no one else has tried to use a phylactery as a suppository, though I do have a Warlock whose patron is Skrat from Ice Age.
Solitary Performance 6th Feb 2018, 2:34 PM edit delete reply
I think the only item I've had an artifact, let alone dangerous, was the artifact version of my first 3.5 character's weapon (he's my DMPC of plot directing now, the rare time I DM)... The Granite Cluebat.
It is statistaclly a +1 Merciful Dancing Greatclub made of stone, shaped as a baseball bat (and despite the material composition, weighing noticably more, but not so much that an average-STR character (STR of 10) would get a penalty to wind up and swing for the benches. The artifact part? Temporary stat damage to INT/WIS, capping at reducing a target to ~8 in each as it tried (and failed) to knock some sense into people... and you couldn't toggle off the stat damage or nonlethal properties.

Honestly, myself and the people I played 3.5 with did more general magic item sillyness than true artifacts, like the Bead Curtain of Detect Alignment (the beads glowed the law/chaos axis and the good/evil axis on either differing beads, or differing halves of every bead)
DuoScratch 6th Feb 2018, 2:40 PM edit delete reply
Oh wow, Rarity committed a big sin, she Meta Gamed that scene. There was no rolling to see if she noticed Dash or anything. FOR SHAME!
Hariman 6th Feb 2018, 6:00 PM edit delete reply
Eh, it's one of those things that causes more trouble than its worth.

It's also 100% within Rarity's character to spite Elusive by breaking his precious Alicorn Amulet.

Plus, you know, Thieve's Instinct for something that is more trouble than its worth.
McRandom 6th Feb 2018, 6:06 PM I was a newbie DM edit delete reply
Hey, I actually have a story for once!

So, as the title says, I was just starting out as a DM. My plot was a complete mangled mess of random threads. I had made up an artifact that tied into my world's myths and was really cool (at least to me). It was a halberd that had been crafted by an ancient warrior-mage to take down the guy who was essentially the overlord of every plane at this time. In order to defeat this guy, the halberd had to be a powerful magical weapon of mass destruction on top of being an actual weapon. So I decided that the halberd was capable of projecting destructive waves of nigh-infinite size and power. Then, in my wisdom, I decided to give it to the most impulsive and crazy character (note, the player is actually probably my politest and most patient one, he's just a good roleplayer). Basically, every time you used the weapon to blast out an attack, you needed to make a DC 20 Will save or the power would go out of control and annihilate the user's entire plane. The adventure they were currently in was situated within a demiplane, but still. Somehow, despite only having a +4 Will save, the character managed to use the weapon not once, not twice, but three times successfully, taking out some powerful enemies along the way. But after a bit, the character decided to give the weapon to the most responsible, highest Will save member of the group, an elven wizard. The wizard decided that she would create a shrine to her deity, Soren the elven god, and offer up the halberd to someone who could keep it safe. The god took it and thanked her, promising a few favors.
So what could have been a literally campaign-destroying mistake ended up as a fun roleplaying opportunity because my players are smarter and more responsible than I am.
aylatrigger 6th Feb 2018, 8:53 PM edit delete reply
Does the Deck of Many Things count?
I had one player who lost 5 characters in one session to that.
And another who asked for a special shapeshifting version...and after about half way through I accidentally let out, "Awesome, you've got all the good cards!" ...And he just kept on drawing.

If you want a real Artifact, one game we were planning to do but ended up not was a God game, where we were the four elemental deities (and a bunch of other aspects) of a realm.
We each got one Major Artifact, one Minor Artifact for our High Priest, and another Minor Artifact that either of us could use.
I was the LE Melanistic Monitor Lizard Goddess of Water/Ice...and the Moon, Drow, Evil, Magic, Scalykind, Stealth, Strength, and War (I love extra domains gained from Godling classes). My High Priest was an Albino Drow Bard Lich. So being a charisma focused class, I naturally chose for his Minor Artifact:
The more Charisma you have, the more clones you make from it. Each clone can change specs and class(es). He has 10 clones at least. They form a band. (Though some are not bards, just have max ranks in some perform skill). The band is as awesome as it is terrifying.

...Though in this game that would have been slightly overshadowed by tithes to my church going to producing as many Decanters of Endless Water as possible (and over turning them). Also that I am the stealthiest Parthenon-sized Lizard (I got stealth based on Strength! And spells, most skills, most abilities...). So it may be a dangerous Artifact/use of Artifact, it paled in comparison a bit...

...I even had to start helping to make the other gods more epic. But it still is a water world.
aylatrigger 6th Feb 2018, 9:10 PM edit delete reply
Oh, and for the Id Portrait, since the 'original creator of the artifact' is a goddess that is too large to sit in a chair, has 194 Stealth, and is constantly surrounded by a magical darkness only she can see through even with magical darkvision... I really doubt that artifact will ever be destroyed. I doubt just painting the entire thing black counts.
aylatrigger 6th Feb 2018, 9:10 PM edit delete reply
Oh, and for the Id Portrait, since the 'original creator of the artifact' is a goddess that is too large to sit in a chair, has 194 Stealth, and is constantly surrounded by a magical darkness only she can see through even with magical darkvision... I really doubt that artifact will ever be destroyed. I doubt just painting the entire thing black counts.
dzonewolf 6th Feb 2018, 10:08 PM The Staff of Adrahk edit delete reply
This particular item is from a Fallout Equestria game I ran a few years ago.

To be honest, it never actually came into use because the group I was DMing broke up, but the Staff of Adrahk was a holy symbol belonging to the griffin god of treachery, chaos, and the fickle winds. In the short term, it was incredibly powerful, capable of manipulating weather on a large scale, like, for MILES, or on a small enough scale to send one pegasus/griffin plummeting out of the sky with their windmates not feeling a thing. The trick was, only Adrahk's avatar could use it, and it would slowly change them from a being with a fragment of his power into his few host so he could return and take his revenge for his long imprisonment.

His avatar was this dog the party picked up in the first session. Oh the things I had planned for that dog.
Kyu 6th Feb 2018, 5:41 AM Suddenly I’m reminded... edit delete reply
Of Spoony’s story of “Vegan Steve and the Deck of Many Things”
Akouma 6th Feb 2018, 5:46 AM edit delete reply
The phylactery joke reminds me of an idea I once had, but never implemented because of the rage it would've induced. The idea was the PCs fight a dragon or super powerful wizard or something. Upon death, they would be turned to stone with ever-shifting runes glowing on theit head. If translated from whatever eldritch language it's written in, it would roughly translate to "respawning in..." followed by a countdown.
Meddy 10th Feb 2018, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
How long the countdown, approximately? Seconds, years?
ChrisTheS 6th Feb 2018, 5:48 AM edit delete reply
Full-res shots here.

Based on a true story :P
Joe the Rat 6th Feb 2018, 7:14 AM edit delete reply
I am greatly appreciating Rainbow Dash. Spud, you really help my game management.

RD's portrayal here is almost *exactly* like my 'problem child' player. This being a Gnomish Artificer/Necromancer, it's both amusing and disturbing. It gives me more ideas for dealing with antics, besides suggesting that he needs a time out in a Bag of Holding.
Archone 6th Feb 2018, 9:37 AM edit delete reply
The Head of Veccna.

No, not the fake joke head that you have to cut your head off in order to wear. I mean the actual decapitated head of the lich-turned-evil-god that a paladin had lopped off and stuck in a glass globe willed with an anti-magic solution so Veccna couldn't cast his way out, plus sparkly white bits so it would look pretty when shook it up.

One of the players thought it would be cute to glare into Veccna's eyes and talk down to him in a patronizing fashion. The team had a fairly challenging combat with their possessed teammate...
Evilbob 6th Feb 2018, 9:56 AM edit delete reply
What's with that last minute change from "indestructible" to "in the perfect position to destroy"?
Luminous Lead 6th Feb 2018, 10:01 AM edit delete reply
Makes the game flow bettther ifn
The Old One 6th Feb 2018, 10:04 AM edit delete reply
The GM didn't want Dashie to make off with the super-powerful magic item that supercharges your stats and makes you a boss monster. So rather than risk Dashie putting it on (and you know she was), he allowed it to be destroyed to prevent what could have been an epic pvp fight.
Teatime42 6th Feb 2018, 10:04 AM edit delete reply
The gm realized that otherwise Dash's player was going to equip it, and quickly rethought their choice.
darkgloomie 6th Feb 2018, 10:08 AM edit delete reply
What, do you want to hand a deadly talisman of great power to the Chaotic Evil teammate?

Plus, it's only 'destroyed'. Everybody is treating is as it probably respawning somewhere in the world.
Teatime42 6th Feb 2018, 10:23 AM edit delete reply
Pathfinder game session over discord. Had a game a few months back, bbeg's champion attacked the town we were defending.

Due to some really good thinking, and some decent rolls, one of our players who normally doesn't contribute much actually managed to CC the champion enough for us to defeat them. The gm was shocked, it was supposed to be a hit and run kidnapping, but he let it go as is. That character looted the champions weapon using some variant of mage hand, no one trusted the evil shadowy thing one bit.

My character was offered Mythic for their conduct in the battle (healing caster who was risking their life to keep our melee up and going, was less impressive than it sounds), and while explaining it, the gm joked something along the lines of "if someone had picked up by hand the champions weapon, woulda been a second mythic character tonight."

So, another character, who'd just rerolled, had their character immediately go to grab the weapon from the guy who had it, he managed to pressure him enough to let him look at it, and then he just took it pretty much.

They failed the will save, was possessed and became the new champion, kidnapped the person who was originally supposed to be kidnapped, and ran away.

We were not terribly amused, the gm was mad at the metagaming (and something else), and the player who normally didn't do much had every part of their victory undone.

Still haven't been able to rescue that guy, and the possessed character is long dead, karma was alien style eldritch abominations.
Smarty 6th Feb 2018, 10:35 AM edit delete reply
if you understand the reference you know what I mean.

if you don't it's an ancient spellbook with a near infinite amount of pages and upon those pages is EVERY SINGLE SPELL IN EXISTENCE. the book however is sentient and will only open to those who can prove they will use it's power responsibly. attempts to force the book open are met with heavy resistance.
Wishful Thinking 6th Feb 2018, 2:18 PM edit delete reply
I think I have that app on one of my tablets... and the the cortana/alexa/siri is voiced by the portal drone.
terrycloth 6th Feb 2018, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
Cursed ring of protection -5. Identifies as a ring of protection +5, but mysteriously, the enemies always roll 10 points better hitting the person who has it on...

It killed two party members before they figured it out.
Winged Cat 6th Feb 2018, 1:29 PM edit delete reply
Winged Cat
Why take these things away at the last minute, when instead you can plan around your players' predictable moves, and have subplots already drawn up that were theoretically avoidable but which you knew your party would trip into?

"So you remember how it slipped off its previous owner when it sensed pending actions it disagreed with? It refuses to let you wear it. Trying to force it on anyway? Glad I didn't waste my time statting up its self-defense mode. We're back in initiative. No, the rest of you haven't had time to heal - but the amulet's undamaged, and it seems to be as indestructible as most artifacts."
Serf 6th Feb 2018, 2:25 PM edit delete reply
I wonder what they'll think when they learn that the GM decided 'actually no, let's have this one be a copy and the real one is used way in the future'.
steeevee 6th Feb 2018, 2:44 PM edit delete reply
taken from the RPG Mortuary:

Party got captured by Evil Wizard's monsters and put in a dungeon. The wizards minion/familiar came down to 'interrogate' them and took out the Minstrel's gag to hear him scream. Suggestion on the imp "Break the wizard's Artifact staff (I think it was a staff of wonder or something)
no more entire dungeon.
Hariman 6th Feb 2018, 5:57 PM edit delete reply
I find it funny that Pinkie's reaction is "Go on...".

Also, RD probably has a low will save/will defense, so she'd get taken over really quick.

Also also, I wonder when the little red spirit wisp will return. ;p
Robin Bobcat 6th Feb 2018, 7:18 PM edit delete reply
Well, there's an entire episode, with Trixie wearing it, so...
Robin Bobcat 6th Feb 2018, 7:23 PM edit delete reply
Fairly tame, but we had a Deck of Many Things show up in our LARP.

Someone got Death.

The group reacted predictably, and tried to defend their friend... and got Deaths of their own to fight...

I, being the old guy in the group, knew what had happened, even though I was talking with a merchant at the time. I rushed over and started defending. Not striking back, just blocking attacks with my shield, healing those who'd been dropped, and telling everyone to stop attacking any that weren't attacking them directly.

The idiots still managed to spawn three more before they got the idea.
Dakkath 7th Feb 2018, 12:27 AM edit delete reply
Dash's angry derp face gives me life
NexAngelus405 7th Feb 2018, 9:14 PM edit delete reply
I'll be honest, at first glance I thought Rarity had crushed the amulet with her plot in that second panel.
ZhonLord 8th Feb 2018, 2:54 AM edit delete reply
I'm willing to bet that spirit that left the phylactery is King Sombra, released and unleashed for a future main villain.
Zorro362 8th Feb 2018, 3:31 AM edit delete reply
Had similar situation to this is our last session actually, only instead of a magic item, I was going to try to tame a T. rex we had knocked unconscious. And our sorcerer shot it with a fire bolt by mistake....which gave us all enough exp to lvl up lol.
Good news is we lured another one so I can try again next session 😁.