Page 1487 - Wargame of Attrition

26th Jan 2021, 6:00 AM in A Canterlot Wedding, Part 2
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Wargame of Attrition
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 26th Jan 2021, 6:00 AM edit delete
That's the thing about trying to make your game a realistic simulation - reality has a lot of unpleasant baggage that shows up when you simulate it reasonably well.

We've got another episode of Shadowtrot up for your listening/viewing pleasure!
Session 13 - Lethe'ly Yours: Podcast | Video

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Digo 26th Jan 2021, 6:57 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, you don't want to be called the Captain Crunch of war gaming.
Pablo360 26th Jan 2021, 7:29 AM edit delete reply
I dunno, now I want to run a Capt Crunch-based war game. Soggies may rule, indeed…
Balrighty 26th Jan 2021, 7:44 AM edit delete reply
Obligatory link to an actual food-based RPG:
Cliff_Robotnik 26th Jan 2021, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
That's the Wendy's RPG right?

Order of the Spicy Chicken Sandwich or GTFO!
Aname 26th Jan 2021, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
Seeing this gives me that feeling like I've been staring into the abyss way too long, and now the afterimage is making mocking faces back at me.
Digo 26th Jan 2021, 9:41 AM edit delete reply
For me, staring just made me hungry for nuggs. :/
Winged Cat 26th Jan 2021, 1:44 PM edit delete reply
Winged Cat
Abyssal nuggets are best served cold, I hear, with void sauce. And they're zero-calorie.
Scissors Rock Paper 26th Jan 2021, 3:08 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, but Abyssal nuggs are flavorless. Get the Infernal nuggs. Spicy!
ChaoticBrain 26th Jan 2021, 5:57 PM edit delete reply
I'm pretty sure it's Chaotic Evil that loves spicy and Lawful Evil that loves bland, not the other way around.
BackSet 27th Jan 2021, 10:44 AM edit delete reply
Void is not meant to be sauce, it is meant to be Jelly.
ionotter 27th Jan 2021, 1:11 AM edit delete reply
My GM really enjoys when I inject science into our fantasy RP?

In one adventure, my nigh-demigod level character encountered a new race of beings that were sentient motes of living light. They were visiting the solar system, and had become fascinated with the metal everyone uses to fuel their magic, and were harvesting it from the moon... disintegrating it. BIG problem!

So my character tried to communicate with their ship, which was basically a giant hunk of rock and metal, floating in space. He started flashing lights at them. This got their attention, of course, and their ship turned to face him using the pointy bits that had been firing green disintegration beams at the moon.


Thinking quickly, he starts flashing his light in a numbered sequence: 1, 1-2, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4, and so on, up to nine. So far, so good, right? That's when he realizes he's got a problem: how do you define zero?

Well, apparently they were satisfied with 1-9, and started trying to communicate in earnest. After a few Comprehend Languages spells were cast, a proper dialogue was established, and ADVENTURE! ensued.

In yet another adventure with a different character, our party had to go into space and rendezvous with open portals that were hanging in a slow, but geosynchronous orbit. Mind you, 99% of the rest of the world is living in a magic-based society, so getting all science-y and technical is kind of strange. But my character was raised in a semi-science-y background, so he knows what's involved in going into orbit, and surviving up there.

So he digs into the databanks of the ancient corporate headquarters, manages to activate the production facilities in the basement, and produces enough space suits for everyone in the party. But not just any old space suit, but actual rocket pack suits with ion thrusters!

"Okay guys, listen up. The portals look like they're moving slow, but they're actually moving at about 23,560 kilometers per hour. And once we teleport up there, we too, are going to be moving at 23,560 kilometers per the wrong direction. So we've got to slow down, because if we hit that portal going that fast, we'll be vaporized. My AI assistant's calculations indicate we'll need to make three full orbits at full thrust to overcome delta-v and meet the portal at a safe speed."

The rest of the party nods like they understand what I'm talking about. They just want to get up there, right? So we get up there, and start slowing down. We see a group of enemies trying to do the same thing we are, only they weren't as science-y as our group was, and neglected to suits.


We watched them flail around a bit, but then they hit the edge of one of the portals in orbit and basically ignited into balls of plasma for a few seconds.

After we managed to rendezvous with our portal, we got through, now we're in orbit over a new planet; our destination. I explain that since we had to slow down that much once we were up here, if we just teleport back down to the ground, we'll be going 23,560 kph in full atmosphere. Which means we'll ignite into balls of plasma and be instantly vaporized.

" kind of neglected to tell us that part..."

Not to worry, I tell them. We all group together, with me in the back. I clip in to them, making sure we're all tightly strapped together, then inflate the ballute. And start the descent from orbit.

"You really need to tell us about this sort of thing!" they say.

"Don't worry," I explain. "Once we get to 20 kilometers, we'll have slowed down enough to teleport safely!"

"What are those streaks of light at our sides?"

"Nothing to worry about, just normal re-entry plasma. The ballute is protecting us."


Then gravity took over, and the screaming started. Thankfully, we were all wearing diapers. One of the players discovered the "panic button" on their suit and slapped it about five times, dosing himself with enough tranquilizers to put an elephant to sleep, so he actually enjoyed the ride.
CCC 27th Jan 2021, 2:56 AM edit delete reply
The panic button gave him tranquillizers?

How does *that* help him to react faster in an emergency situation?

Wouldn't it make more sense to have a panic button that injects stimulants? So that you can really *appreciate* the danger you're in, and act faster and more decisively to ameliorate it?
Balrighty 27th Jan 2021, 3:43 PM edit delete reply
Eh, it kind of makes sense from a rescue perspective. What you want most out of the person you're rescuing is for them to be alert and capable of competently following your instructions. But if all you have to pick from is between unconscious dead weight and a flailing panicky idiot who might actively put himself AND you in more danger than otherwise, then you want the guy unconscious.