Page 159 - Lazy Dragon Rider

9th Aug 2012, 6:00 AM in Dragonshy
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Lazy Dragon Rider
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 9th Aug 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete
At the very beginning, I was intending to let the dragon be characterized exactly as he is in the show - silent until the very end.

Then I realized this would be a lot more fun.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Cain 9th Aug 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete reply
snarky brit voice in my head, works out well.
Ranubis 9th Aug 2012, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Smaug: "Now be a good pony and canter off. I need my beauty sleep before I get called for more of those Sherlock episodes."
Cain 9th Aug 2012, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
*snaps fingers* even better, Christopher Lee doing the dragons voice.
Digo 9th Aug 2012, 7:02 AM edit delete reply
Well now the rest of this comic arc has been set in my head. XD
Demonu 9th Aug 2012, 9:11 AM edit delete reply
Or go with the original dragon's voice and have Sean Connery do it.

This also opens up a plethora of Sean Connery quotes for the dragon to use.
MWS 13th Aug 2012, 4:18 AM edit delete reply
Even more better: Christopher Walken as the voice of the dragon.
Innisa 9th Aug 2012, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
Bilbo (aka John): Sherlock! You're being rude again. Stop it.

(Wah, I want more Sherlock now!)
Ranubis 9th Aug 2012, 8:27 AM edit delete reply
Softpaw 9th Aug 2012, 11:44 PM A tumblr to go with your comment edit delete reply
DPV111 9th Aug 2012, 8:30 PM edit delete reply
I either hear it as Christopher Lee's Jabberwocky or the Turks from this commercial:
darkwulf23 9th Aug 2012, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
Lyntermas 9th Aug 2012, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
Sardonic Dragon is second best dragon.

Best is Crackle, obviously.
Innisa 9th Aug 2012, 6:36 AM edit delete reply
Where is Spike on this list? Or is Spike the best ballerina?
plen-omie 9th Aug 2012, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
Spike's not a dragon, he's a pony! Or something like that, I'm still not sure how to interpret the ending of "Dragon Quest"...
Katarani 9th Aug 2012, 5:11 PM edit delete reply
Spike is the best Rainbow Dash.
Artsy 10th Aug 2012, 3:03 PM edit delete reply
Silly, Spike is 4/5 of the Rainbow Dash that Rainbow Dash is, because (punchline is so obvious that it has been removed from the comment)
Shouldn't that be 5/6?
Znex 11th Aug 2012, 3:53 PM edit delete reply
Is Spike a dragon? Or is he a pony? Well if he's a dragon, he's a very hoofsome dragon.
Usagi 9th Aug 2012, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
Hey Newbiespud, my sister and I love this webcomic, and so she had the idea for me to be the Dungeon Master for her friends. However, I have absolutely no experience. Can you give me any tips?

Cain 9th Aug 2012, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
(in before him)
Have fun with it, and I'd use a prebuilt campaign so you can learn what works and doesn't work with the group, I know Ranubis is going to be the sane guy keeping our group on track, so I can ignore trying to get him to be crazy. The group will bond and start to work together, you must stop this. They must lose at least one of them before the quest is finished. *pause* looks like the meds have not kicked in yet... there they go. Ok, keep them moving, but make it challenging, but not too hard on them.
Usagi 9th Aug 2012, 6:44 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, I had them fight the first encounter in shadow of the hammerfell- I'm not really sure how i do it- For init, I have them roll a 1d20 (Which I roll on my laptop, we dont have dice) and then I check that agaisnt the monsters AC? Then for attacks, also check the AC on a 1d20, then roll an attack die?
Cain 9th Aug 2012, 8:00 AM edit delete reply
For initiative, roll a d20 and add the init bonus, highest roll goes first, and go in order of the rolls after that. For combat roll the d20, add attack mods and check to the AC or resistance reflex/will depending on the attack. if the roll beats it, roll for damage.
Raxon 9th Aug 2012, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
Never ingest a rod of wonder. Those things are intended for external use only!

Unless you have some experience, do not let any player have an effective level modifier greater than five.
Guest 9th Aug 2012, 1:22 PM edit delete reply
I thought since only 1 of them rolled higher, that meant that only she could attack- since when they fought the dragon, only Rarity's number was higher, then the dragon attacked.

What basically happened:
I rolled init, only my sister rolled higher than what it said, so she got to attack (She was the wizard) She cast Magic Missile, which missed. Then, everyone else attacked- it was 5 minions, 1 artilary class and 2 dragonshields. They attacked- and my sister got hit twice by the minions while 3 of them missed my sister's friend. I think the artilary missed too, and the dragonshields both hit her friend, since I didnt want my sister to die and get discouraged, and she had a lot more AC. So, next turn, my sisters friend used holy strike on a monster and inflicted 10 damage (Think it was either one of the artiliary or the dragonshield.) Then, my sister used Scorching Burst- on all the minions. She hit 3 of them, and they we broke for the day.

Im just wondering, do I treat enemy attack just like player attack when deciding who gets hit?
Demonu 9th Aug 2012, 4:14 PM edit delete reply
How did Magic Missile miss? It's a auto hit with a set damage, or at least in 4E.

And yes, enemy attacks work the same way: roll a d20, add any mentioned modifiers and compare it to the target's (in this case, player's) corresponding defense (being AC, Will, Reflex and Fortitude)
Parchment Scroll 10th Aug 2012, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
Magic Missile has ALWAYS been autohit, but set damage? Really? I need to check on this. This is what I get for not playing magic users.
Guest 10th Aug 2012, 9:57 PM edit delete reply
I was using 4E.

Um, did I do something wrong? I rolled her a 1d20.. and it didn't beat the reflex
Per the rules:
Attack: 1d20 + 4 vs. Reflex
Erm.. Oh dear, my party is going to kill me.
Stairc 10th Aug 2012, 10:24 PM edit delete reply
Magic Missile used to require an attack roll when 4e first came out. They quickly changed it to auto-hitting.
Guest 10th Aug 2012, 10:26 PM edit delete reply
Um.. so I just disregard the "Attack" line and go ahead and roll the attack 1d6?
Appkes 10th Aug 2012, 1:30 PM edit delete reply
Do I detect a story?
Guest 10th Aug 2012, 10:01 PM edit delete reply
Also: Since they don't have a cleric, is there a way to heal?
Stairc 9th Aug 2012, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
If you'd like any help or tips, I'd be happy to provide as well. =)

I can definitely help answer rules questions too. The main thing I'd reccomend though is watching one or two of Chris Perkins' celebrity d&d games. He's an excellent and fun DM (considered one of the best in the world actually) - seeing how he handles things so smoothly is a great way to get a feel for how good DMing works. It's what worked for me.

Here are two great ones; they're just a lot of fun to watch too. The first is funnier but the second shows Chris Perkins running D&D for people who have never played before - so he's explaining the rules as they go along.

Watching this should give anyone a good idea on how to handle things as a DM while creating an imaginative adventure.

And yeah, they're fun. =)

The Prisoners of Slaughterfast (Acquisitions Incorporated)

Tomb of the Orcslayer (The Writers of Robot Chicken)
Boden King 9th Aug 2012, 9:22 AM edit delete reply
My dwarves will all be southern now. Thank you Staric for the links.
Stairc 9th Aug 2012, 10:36 AM edit delete reply
Glad you enjoyed. =)
Guest 9th Aug 2012, 4:46 PM edit delete reply
That is, both dragonshields missed her friend.
Colin 9th Aug 2012, 12:45 PM edit delete reply
Just remember:

that no campaign ever survives contact with the players;

that there's a whole world of fantasy to rip off,er,*adapt*;

that D&D is pretty complex and if you don't quite remember a rule, make up your own and stick to it. E.g. player wants to bodyslam a gryphon, but you don't quite get the grapple rules. If the player's stronger, subtract the monster's strength from hers and add the result to the roll.

Stuff like that.
XandZero2 9th Aug 2012, 6:52 PM edit delete reply
Hey Usagi,

One tip I'd give you, from one relative newb GM to another, is that to get the best results from your games, follow the fun.

By this I mean that if you and your players are having fun, then that's all that matters.

Try to gauge your players throughout a session. If they're getting bored, yawning, looking up Facebook on their iphones, etc. (generally losing interest, in other words) - it's a good indication that you should speed things up and move on to the next big thing in the quest (even if you haven't finished that great big bad monologue or that massive dragon fight).

But if everyone's laughing, smiling, and enjoying themselves, then even if you spend an entire session on one fight or role-play dialogue - everything's as it should be.
XandZero2 9th Aug 2012, 6:54 PM edit delete reply
By the way, good luck with the GMing. I hope you, your sister, and her friend/s have a good time.


OMG! I love this Chris Perkins guy! He's good.
Rokas 9th Aug 2012, 6:27 AM edit delete reply

It's super-effective!
Zuche 9th Aug 2012, 6:33 AM edit delete reply
"Bring your village council up here this afternoon. We can discuss it over lunch."

"This afternoon? As in, 'This afternoon,' this afternoon?"

"Sure. The pantry looks somewhat bare at the moment, but I'll have that sorted out when they arrive."
Digo 9th Aug 2012, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
Looking at the last two panels, I just realized there are swords in that treasure. I wonder whose those belonged to, seeing that Ponies don't appear to use them.
Zuche 9th Aug 2012, 8:07 AM edit delete reply
They belonged to Minsc, whose battle cry of "Swords, not words!" makes him the anti-Twilight.

...Great. Now if I ever play in a pony game, it will be as a unicorn misquoting Minsc at every opportunity.

"Evil, meet my horn! HORN, MEET EVIL!"
Ranubis 9th Aug 2012, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
"Go for the eyes, Spike. GO FOR THE EYES!! RrraaaAAGHGHH!!!"
Zuche 9th Aug 2012, 8:29 AM edit delete reply
Quite so.

"Buck-kicking for goodness!"
Guest 9th Aug 2012, 8:36 AM edit delete reply
Actully you can see swords in Shining Armor house in Canterlot Wedding. They are used as decoration there, and during The Cutie Pox, Applebloom is fencing against somepony.
Digo 9th Aug 2012, 1:21 PM edit delete reply
Oh yeah, I forgot about AppleBloom fencing with one... which now raises other questions about how she did that.
Vegetalss4 9th Aug 2012, 6:01 PM edit delete reply
Pipsqueak used his toy sword in his mouth in Luna Eclipsed. Granted he feel on his face afterwards but one would assume that he at least tried to wield it in the right way even if he failed utterly.
Stairc 9th Aug 2012, 8:00 AM The New Pony Tales Expansion edit delete reply
Hey everyone, I'm pleased to present the latest Pony Tales expansion - Races of Equestria.

Enjoy not one, not two but six new racial options for your characters - including Baby Dragons, Minotaurs, Zebras, Hippogriffs and more. Also comes with a fully revamped Changeling - better than ever.

I'm looking forward to hearing how you like it.

Ranubis 9th Aug 2012, 8:18 AM edit delete reply
Very nice, excellent work with turning Pony Tales into a much more open game. I expect Inky Quills will have much fun with the Changeling changes.

And after reading the joke racial options, I wanna turn Alky into a vampire. He's already a Belmont, right?

How was the latest session, anyway?
LoganAura 9th Aug 2012, 8:24 AM edit delete reply
Well, currently they are in jail in heat wave's mind, got TPKO by Mephisto's shadow in Heat wave's mind, and Heat Wave's identity has been destroyed, meaning everypony needs to find the new one before the shadows destroys that.
What? Soaring's Journal isn't gonna be up for a while since Mudge has it.
Oblivious 9th Aug 2012, 8:53 AM edit delete reply
Thing I'm most surprised about concerning last session?

That we're in our friends mind?
The fact that we survived a complete party knockout?
Our clever plan to escaping such a hopeless situation?


The fact that me and Spud aren't disrupting the party with constantly stabbing each other in the back.
Stairc 9th Aug 2012, 1:17 PM edit delete reply

Yeah Ranubis, Oblivious (Soaring Song) and Newbiespud (Scrapper) are both fighting over Starlight's affection.
Oblivious 9th Aug 2012, 3:00 PM edit delete reply
Who's fighting? This is character development. Also, fighting is an open conflict. Have you forgotten that A) Fuzzy did his confession in private, and B) to get that idea into Soaring's head, and have him understand how competing for affections works, is kinda like boring through tungsten? I'm curious to see how this plays out.
Ranubis 9th Aug 2012, 3:16 PM edit delete reply
Aw, and when I left the relationships seemed to be pulling together so nicely! Well, except for Scrapper, but Treachery is mine, dangit, mine! Build your own- I mean, build another robot girlfriend.

Wait wait wait, what's this about the party being knocked out and put in jail? So now they're in a mental jail, while their bodies are in a real-life jail? Jailception?

TPKO by FPS? Is Alky ok? Wait, 'Heat Wave's identity has been destroyed'? Is HEAT WAVE ok?!
Oblivious 9th Aug 2012, 4:26 PM edit delete reply
Alky's ok, if by ok you mean doing a crapton of paperwork to get his banishment annulled. As for us, we are fine...for the moment. Still, even if we survive this and fix Heat Wave, I still have to deal with something equally difficult: Enduring the embarrassment of having Soaring's most private and embarrassing thoughts published for our fan club to see.
Stairc 9th Aug 2012, 3:41 PM edit delete reply

This is going to be interesting.
DracoS 9th Aug 2012, 6:51 PM edit delete reply
Newbiespud wins in the end when the rest of the Constructicons show up.
Raxon 9th Aug 2012, 8:32 AM edit delete reply
Hooray! game candy!
Cain 9th Aug 2012, 4:38 PM edit delete reply
CJT 9th Aug 2012, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
About Pony Tales; I don't suppose it's posted anywhere other than Google Docs, is it? I've been looking through the various pony RPG attempts, and yours has been highly recommended, but my machine hates about two thirds of all Google Docs documents, including yours.

[The others I've looked at are the Pathfinder mod (interesting but incomplete; awkward handling of objects is a plus), the one based on Unknown Armies (streamlined and nice harmony mechanics, but UA itself feels clunky), and the other Pony Tales one (based on OpenD6; well done, and great setting research, but complex enough that whimsical campaigns might be tricky).]
Oblivious 10th Aug 2012, 12:42 AM edit delete reply
We're working on that, but a lot of the material is still being written, play-tested, balanced, etc. At the very least we'll try to have a set of copies on the PT forum.
Stairc 10th Aug 2012, 3:54 PM edit delete reply
1) We should definitely get the rules up on Dropbox or somewhere else. Anyone have any ideas?

2) What exactly do you mean be 'social mechanics' sidhe3141? If you have any ideas, we'd love to hear them at
Cain 12th Aug 2012, 8:42 PM edit delete reply
put them in the campaign section of your forum.
sidhe3141 9th Aug 2012, 11:05 PM edit delete reply
If I might make a suggestion for a future expansion, Pony Tales as written seems to be a bit lacking in social mechanics, which strikes me as out of "feel" from the source material.
Lyntermas 9th Aug 2012, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
The dragon is now able to talk. We all know what that means.

Alt-script time!

D: But I couldn't possibly head back home without mentioning what handsome scales you have. And those scales have to be hidden away in some silly cave for a hundred years?
D:...They are rather impressive, aren't they? Perhaps the world needs a refresher of how dragons are.
Rarity: Obviously, I would be more than happy to keep an eye on your jewels while you're gone.
D:...I've heard this conversation before. Take off MY crown and leave.

Pinkie: Sharing a laugh is a sure-fire way to get someone on your side! Hi!

RD: Get! Out! *smack*
D: Ah, there it is. Your grand pony philosophy of love and tolerance is only as useful as your ability to enforce it through violence. How pitiful.
RD: Um, what?
D: Let me use small words for you: I am going to kill you now. Stand still please.
Zuche 9th Aug 2012, 8:24 AM edit delete reply
The draconic dialogue works particularly well if you imagine it being delivered by the cloaked figure of your avatar.
Jason Shadow 9th Aug 2012, 9:51 AM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow

Pinkie: Okay girls, I've got the perfect idea of how to get this dragon to see things our way! I'm going in!
Twilight: Are you sure?
Pinkie: Yup! Just leave it to me! DM, I'm gonna have to pull you out of the room for a minute or two...
DM: ...Sure. I'll grab the dice.
They leave the room. Twelve seconds later, they return.
Twilight: So, how did it go?
Pinkie: I... I asked him if he'd found Celestia yet and gave him a pamphlet.
Twilight: ...
Pinkie: Natural 1.
DM: She didn't even get to roll.
GreyDuck 9th Aug 2012, 1:22 PM edit delete reply
...Celestia's Witnesses?

BRB, dying of laughter...
deeman45 9th Aug 2012, 8:52 AM edit delete reply
Haha, now I'm just wondering how the DM pulled off that booming voice without sounding silly...

Most DM's I've seen attempting a basso rumble just make fools of themselves.
Zuche 9th Aug 2012, 9:04 AM edit delete reply
A good DM is never afraid to look a fool. You're much better off with that than the type who imagine themselves to be great actors or writers. At least the fool's goal is a fun game.
MirrorImage 9th Aug 2012, 9:26 AM edit delete reply

Which is why if I need to do that, I'll go out to the Dollar Store and find one of those cheap, plastic echoing microphones and use that. You know, one of these:
Digo 9th Aug 2012, 1:23 PM edit delete reply
Very true!
Guest 9th Aug 2012, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
TW: Is that... a bullhorn?
Zuche 9th Aug 2012, 9:31 AM edit delete reply
No, MirrorImage is just happy to see you.
InvisibleDale 9th Aug 2012, 11:35 AM edit delete reply
Doing a "good" bass rumble at a decent volume is not a problem for me, as I am a "good" bass singer. It's the high pitched, squeaky voices that are my bane of existance.
Bronymous 9th Aug 2012, 9:56 AM edit delete reply
I still don't understand what she's so scared of. You're telling me in only her second session she's so deep into the roleplaying that she's actually afraid for her life?

I've never been that deep into roleplaying. And I'm a good roleplayer.
Zarhon 9th Aug 2012, 10:29 AM edit delete reply
I think it's more an issue of her being a relatively new player that's way over her head, and it's her belief (and probably a fact) that the others are now expecting her to bail them out of a bad situation based off the previous fantastic success. Naturally, nerves kick in and she drops the ball.
HMorris73 9th Aug 2012, 10:35 AM edit delete reply
I think she's just the type who gets flustered when things don't go the way she planned them, kind of like the actual Twilight Sparkle.
Stairc 9th Aug 2012, 10:40 AM edit delete reply
People in my games have gotten that into the game before. Newbiespud's encounter with the dragon was actually just mentioned a little while ago.

If the right circumstances, right description and right players all mix - truly awesome things can happen. Fluttershy will find her courage.
Zarhon 9th Aug 2012, 11:57 AM edit delete reply
Campaign continuation

Last time on Zilean's Revenge


Skitter: I'm the serpent king! I can do anything!

And now the continuation!

Part ssssnake: "Never on a firsssssst date."


Stealth -> 12 + 8 = 20
Perception -> 2

You slowly move towards the other end of the balcony, next to the stairs. You don't see anyone, but you're certain you heard movement as you went traveled across. You can't tell exactly where, though.

Snake Charmers inc.

The snake doesn't seem to be interested in harming Skitter and doesn't perceive any of the others as a big enough threat to attack you. Skitter can tell that it's starving and on the verge of becoming feral: No amount of cooing helps at that point. It's focus is maintained on Horizon, Tiffany and the paladin, as it slithers around the room.
Bronymous 9th Aug 2012, 12:13 PM edit delete reply
"So is this thing going to be a problem, or what?" Horizon directs his question to Skitter, but continues to watch as it moves around the room. "I don't feel like treating snake bites right now. And I assume you wouldn't want your new pal to end up missing his head." Beneath his cloak, he has his Kukri ready. Every few seconds he glances around at the rest of the room: the two dead rats, the dead monster, the Paladin and Tiffany who don't seem to be responding to his directions. "Paladin! The fire, if you please? We don't need 4 of us to stand here and ogle the snake." He turns his attention back to the serpent.

See what I did there? I used OOC knowledge to suggest OOC a solution to the situation, under the guise of IC thought, without actually saying anything IC.
Hint Hint.
Ramsus 9th Aug 2012, 12:37 PM edit delete reply
(Wait a second. Skitter knows Tiff has the ring. That makes things a lot easier.)

"I think she's just hungry. You assume right Knife Guy." Skitter glared daggers at him, then looked around and grabbed the rats and offered them to Matilda (that's right, I've named it now, you can't kill it!).

Skittered suddenly remembered something and turned to Tiffany, "Hey, you still have that ring you found right? Could I borrow it for a bit?"

(Edit: So if Skitter gets a snake and Tiffany gets a lion what are Rolf and Horizon gonna get? A raven and a giant spider?
Edit 2: Or maybe an eagle and a goat so we can make their powers combine(!) and get some sort of manticore/chimera?)
Lyntermas 9th Aug 2012, 1:19 PM edit delete reply
Rolf was confused. Had he passed whatever was down here? Most likely it was the dark stalker again. He considered casting Flare again, but he was afraid it would give away his position to whatever was on the other balcony. Well, if it wasn't attacking, it wasn't top priority at the moment.

Staying invisible, he glanced down the stairs to see if there was any sign of the cub or the cultists.

Confounded low Perception rolls. You know you're missing something but you don't know what.

Couple questions, Zarhon.
1. I'm on the right side of the hall. This is the side that's closer to Lizzie's room, correct (the dormitories are on the other side).
2. Is it correct that there is no direct access to the other balcony from here? (I would have to go back into the attic and across the scaffolding to reach it).
3. Does the other balcony also have a staircase leading into the main hall?
Zarhon 9th Aug 2012, 1:27 PM edit delete reply
1) Yes, that's correct. The other balcony is on the side of the temple where Tiff and Horizon fell through a hole in a staircase.
2) You could either choose to go up the ladder, across the attic and then down a ladder, or go down a staircase, across the grand hall, and access a staircase up to the other balcony, because...
3) ...The other balcony *does* have a staircase leading down to the grand hall (The balconies are mirrored). It would be the faster option as well.


Perception -> 13

Glancing at the other side, Rolf sees the tail of one of Lizzies cubs, moving across the balcony slowly. He also sees a person, wearing a purple robe, slowly moving towards it, in a half-crouch, . Based of the position of it's tail, the cub isn't facing the person.
Kris_The_Guest 9th Aug 2012, 1:29 PM edit delete reply
"Sure." Tiffany took the ring off and tossed it over to Skitter.
Zarhon 9th Aug 2012, 1:40 PM edit delete reply
Skitter, Horizon, Tiffany, Yellowshirt

Skitter grabs the ring, puts in on and evokes its power. The ring emits a strange noise that causes the snake to turn towards him. After a few moments, it drops its guard towards the rest of the party.

Perception -> 18

At this point, the rest of you see that the mixture of purple liquid and blood is "climbing" onto the dead leaping creature on the floor, slowly enveloping it. The body is twitching wildly, and making yucky noises.
Kris_The_Guest 9th Aug 2012, 2:02 PM edit delete reply
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Tiffany screamed before starting to smash the body.

Yeahhh, I don't want to deal with another one of those things.
Bronymous 9th Aug 2012, 2:07 PM edit delete reply
"Now see, that's why I told you to watch that."

Ramsus 9th Aug 2012, 2:19 PM edit delete reply
Feeling that the other two could handle whatever that think was, Skitter concentrated on handling Matilda. He walked up to her and rubbed her belly affectionately. He reached around inside the portable hole for some food and then fed it to her while he tried to mount her. Hoping she got the idea he motioned towards the doorway.

(I have no idea if this is gonna work at all. It's not like snakes are used to being mounted. Then again, I suppose wild horses weren't either and that seems to have turned out ok. Too bad that ring doesn't let you communicate with animals too. If only we had some kind of ranger....)
Lyntermas 9th Aug 2012, 2:48 PM edit delete reply
"Oh no you don't," said Rolf. He dispelled the invisibility and tried to cast Dancing Lights. He had a degree of control over the spell, so he would try to fling it across the hall so it would go over the cub's head and have it "impact" the cultist. Hopefully the cub would see the cultist and have a chance to react before they reached him.

Roll for Dancing Lights.
Kris_The_Guest 9th Aug 2012, 2:48 PM edit delete reply
Isn't Horizon a ranger? Wait, no, with how he got Lizzie pissed off, I don't want him trying to talk down the giant snake.
Ramsus 9th Aug 2012, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
Horizon is a derangeder. =P
Bronymous 9th Aug 2012, 3:41 PM edit delete reply
You guys are confusing Ranger with Druid. Rangers don't necessarily have an affinity for nature, they're just trained scouts and survivalists. I can get along with my own Animal Companion (assuming we get that far), but I'm not an animal expert.

That survival training is what keeps me from freaking out over things like snakes and lions, though. Remember, the only reason I had to run from Lizzie is because she Critical'd her intimidate roll. Otherwise I would have probably kept a more level head.
Zarhon 9th Aug 2012, 4:03 PM edit delete reply
This is probably the last reply before my vacation.


Smash! -> 2

You lay down your hammer to crush the body, but it suddenly spasms, causing the body to move itself out of the way, as you bring your hammer down onto the liquid-filled floor.


Lights -> 16 + 8 = 24

The dancing lights strike true, exploding in the face of the cultist, he swears loudly as the light blinds him temporarily. This also causes the cub to notice,quickly moving away from him to the opposite end, yowling loudly.

Perception -> 10

Rolf hears something again, a bit closer this time, to his left. He also vaguely sees a large, dark figure on the other balcony, near the cultist.


Tame -> 16

You feed the creature what few pieces of meat you had inside your portable hole, as well as some cheese (which it eats very reluctantly), sating its hunger, somewhat. He then attempts to ride on the snake, only to find it rather difficult, due to the lack of a proper surface to hold onto: He'd need a saddle to properly ride this thing. In addition, the snake, already bitter due to hunger, isn't taking very kindly to his attempts at riding it, as it shakes Skitter off.
Lyntermas 9th Aug 2012, 4:17 PM edit delete reply
Putting this here for now. Zarhon, let me know if you want me to move it.

"Cleric, we got a situation! Get over here!" Rolf yelled. The cub was alerted, that was good. But what was the large figure on the other balcony?

One thing at a time. "Cover your eyes for a second!" Rolf yelled. Rolf quickly turned to his left and cast Flare down his balcony.

Roll for Flare (and Perception if necessary).

Have a good trip, Zarhon.

edit: Skitter, take Matilda into the tunnels and go rat hunting. She'll feel better and be less likely to have undead-critter as a meal.
Bronymous 9th Aug 2012, 4:38 PM edit delete reply
Sigh. "You are such a child." Horizon pushes past Tiffany and kneels by the spasming body. With one hand he pins it to the ground, and attempts to line up a shot with the kukri. Bringing it high, he strikes at the creature's neck, hoping to sever it.

I'm pretty sure I can get it from here. Roll to see if it connects the way I want and take its head off. 12.

Welp, look like its about to get really boring around here.
Zarhon 10th Aug 2012, 3:50 AM edit delete reply
Surprise update!


Flare -> 12 + 8 = 20
Perception -> 6 + 8 = 14

You fire a flare down your balcony. As it whizzes fast a few meters, you hear someone curse loudly.

"Gah! My eyes!"

As the flare continues it's path, the flare suddenly stops in midair and falls to the ground, as though it hit something, causing another, similar shout.


You decapitate the head with ease. As soon as you do so, the body and the head both start spasming and twitching wildly. In seconds, the body starts swiftly dismembering itself into half a torso, a leg and an arm, each growing extra parts. The head section undergoes a similar change much quicker and manages to act against Horizon.

Head leap -> Nat 1
Horizon def -> 3

It attempts to jump onto Horizon's neck, but instead manages to directly impale itself onto Horizon's kukri. It flails for a bit, stuck to the blade, before finally stopping moving. The rest of the body parts (with the exception of the torso, which is held down by Horizon) quickly crawl around the room.

The whole aberrant, unnatural process distresses Matilda greatly.
Kris_The_Guest 10th Aug 2012, 4:33 AM edit delete reply
.....WHYWYWYYWYWYWHYWYWHWYWHYWH mosldjmgjsknfdzgkdzkf! *falls over and breaks down crying.*
Lyntermas 10th Aug 2012, 6:08 AM edit delete reply
Well this was turning into a right mess, wasn't it? Two things heard but not seen? "Cleric, we've got two invisible bogies up here! Watch yourself!" Rolf yelled. Rolf pulled out the amulet and tried to quickly affix it as an eyepatch (or monocle, rather) as he had before. He then ran down the balcony to where the closer shout was, ready to feel around with his hands if necessary.

I hope that large figure on the other balcony is on our side. Poor cub. I also hope that the amulet works or else we've got problems. Well, MORE problems anyway.

Now the real questions: If the cultist come in pairs, where's cub-hunter's partner?

Oh and Horizon, make sure you stab the torso thoroughly before moving on to the other body parts.
Ramsus 10th Aug 2012, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
"Well. I'm sure you've got that handled right Knife Guy?" Skitter asked with a smirk.

Turning back to the snake, "Hmmm. You don't want a rider huh? But that would have been fun. Maybe if we make a proper saddle and I get you more food it'll work better. Well, let's go look for some."

Skitter looked over at Tiffany, "You coming? He clearly doesn't need our assistance. We'd clearly only get in his way."
Kris_The_Guest 10th Aug 2012, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
"Uhhh, kay....." Tiffany started walking out after Skitter.

Okay, if a changeling shows up next...I don't know what I'll do.
Bronymous 10th Aug 2012, 11:06 AM edit delete reply
"Oh, so that's why we firebombed the big one last time." Horizon shakes the impaled head off of his kukri, and begins stabbing the torso repeatedly. "Oh, hey! Idea time! Everyone try and grab one of the nasty creeping body parts. There's quite a large fire raging nearby that we can use." He stabs the torso a bit more for good measure, and then picks it up. "Just don't let them grab..." he looks up as they walk into the tunnel. "Hey come back here!" He looks back at the dismembered parts, and at the Troso in his hands. "...Fine, fuck it." He discards the torso and hastily goes to catch up with the others. "I'm sure that won't be a problem later."

Let's see if anyone wants to listen to me this time. Paladin.

Edit: Obviously NOT. fixed
Bronymous 10th Aug 2012, 11:20 AM edit delete reply
So, just because, Ima try my hand at an Alt Script.

H: Ok, so what did I do that you felt that was necessary?
S: You threatened to kill Matilda!
H: Matilda...?
S: Her! *points to snake.
H: ...Ok, sorry? Didn't mean to threaten Or are we moving up to girlfriend?
S: She is a beautiful thing! And sacred!
H: Wait, hang on, you worship snakes? Why would a rat worship snakes? Don't snakes eat rats?
S: And quit calling me Rat! I am Kobold, descended from dragons! AND of Noble Blood!
H: ...So...You're not a rat?
Lyntermas 10th Aug 2012, 11:40 AM edit delete reply
Quick question: The entrance hasn't closed back on you again, has it? Because I believe the arm and leg aren't exactly going to let you leave if they can help it. But we won't know about until Zarhon updates in a week (or less if his place has Internet).

Alt-script time!
Rolf: So I found a bomb in the grand hall. Did you find anything?
Horizon: I found a few in the crypt, but, uh, it's inaccessible at the moment. These two found a broken one in a storage room, and some of the purple fluid got onto a dead critter.
Rolf: Must have been a tough fight.
Horizon: I wouldn't know. We left after that.
Rolf:....You left a blood abomination to wander around inside the temple!?!
Skitter: Relax. It was an arm and a leg, who are now locked in the tunnels. The only way out is through the catacombs that are on fire. What's to worry about?
Zarhon: The door suddenly breaks down. Standing in the doorway is a mass of flesh. The arm and the leg are part of it, as well as some rats that must have been in the tunnels and catacombs.
Rolf:...You were saying?
Bronymous 10th Aug 2012, 11:52 AM edit delete reply
Aww, silly Lynt. It's not an Alt Script if THAT'S EXACTLY WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN.

I'd like to point out that this is the third time in a row that I had a plan, and then it got ninja'd and was no longer applicable to the situation. I think someone closed the door on them last time- why would the door to the freezer close automatically when someone could still be inside it?
Kris_The_Guest 10th Aug 2012, 11:59 AM edit delete reply
...To make more dead bodies.
Ramsus 10th Aug 2012, 12:03 PM edit delete reply
Actually the reason Skitter was ditching Horizon was because when he entered the room and saw Skitter being attacked he didn't do anything and just said he had it handled. Not exactly what anyone wants to hear when they have some horrible thing latched onto their back.

Also, he was rude to Tiffany, so there was that.

I actually figured Horizon would be stubborn and go "fine" and kill them all by himself or actually ask for help. I didn't expect him to actually retreat.

Edit: Oh looky looky. I got banned from the Pony Tales forum for Stairc threatening to ban me. lol.

I guess some people really do think friendship is magic. In that they think it's a thing that's not real.
Bronymous 10th Aug 2012, 4:08 PM edit delete reply
Lemme get to that edit in a second.

"and then it got ninja'd and was no longer applicable to the situation." The first time that happened is when I walked in. If you didn't read the original post, I meant to grab the thing, pull it off you, and kill it, helping you out. But, ninja, you dealt with it first, so I had nothing to do but stand there. And I'm not being rude to Tiffany. I'm being condescending to Tiffany.

Ok, I gotta see this. What happened and where.

Edit: Nevermind, going through more direct methods. I wanna say I'm on your side, Ramsus, at least initially. But I need to see a bit more.
hariman 9th Aug 2012, 1:46 PM edit delete reply
Ooh! I know that feeling! Not the one of Twilight right now, but the one that Newbiespud had while writing this.

I've had moments where I've said "It would be funnier if this happened instead!", although the most recent was also paired with "That character wouldn't be so foolish as to NOT grab the first one when she had a chance!".

It's a fun, glorious feeling and it usually means you're doing something right!
Destrustor 9th Aug 2012, 3:45 PM edit delete reply
Sometimes when I'm playing, I get an hilarious idea for some absolutely retarded action my character could take. Then I take my dice and roll for Int. One time I finally rolled a natural 1. My character suddenly decided to warp to a stone of recall that was currently in the afterlife, effectively killing himself. I was almost rolling on the floor.
Man I want a cheated d20 that always rolls 1 to be able to do that at will.
Rule of funny is best rule.
MirrorImage 9th Aug 2012, 8:50 PM edit delete reply
Which leads up to a perfect prank for your group. Get 2 identical cheated dice, weighted so that one of them almost always rolls 1s and the other almost always 20s. Keep the 20 one a secret and use the 1 one enough so that that particular die receives the legitimate reputation of "cursed."

Now go trotting into the final battle and crack out the weighted 20 die and go to town.

"Roll to hit - 20"
"Roll to confirm - 20"
"Roll to confirm again - 20"
Destrustor 10th Aug 2012, 1:37 AM edit delete reply
All my dice are cursed.
My lifetime average on any d20 is about 8.
I'm impressed when I roll higher than 10.
15 or more is unheard of.
Beard 9th Aug 2012, 5:24 PM edit delete reply
Nice use of dragon. Its refreshing seeing an amoral hate lizard after all of the "deconstructions" you get.
Other Guest 9th Aug 2012, 8:25 PM edit delete reply
The part of red dragon will now be played by Tim Curry.
Ramsus 10th Aug 2012, 8:42 PM edit delete reply
Btw, what's an sp? Nobody ever answered.
Destrustor 11th Aug 2012, 2:33 AM edit delete reply
I'm curious as well.
Sucky pants?
Scooper pooper?
Superman's powers?
Sour pickle?
Sweet person?
Silly paragon?
Sacharrine parable?
Submarine plethora?
Sensitive pincushion?
Swagger procrastinator?
Softball projector?
Submachine placeholder?
Slurpy poolcleaner?
Silken patriot?
Sloppy paradox?
Swapped peacock?
Surmised philogeny?

I should stop now...
Destrustor 11th Aug 2012, 4:02 AM edit delete reply
Oh who am I kidding I can't stop myself
Smashing pumpkin?
Swedish principal?
Superior peregrinator?
Sandy propeller?
Sleepy pilot?
Sedated paperclip?
Spaceship philistine?
Swaying pinecone?
Studded piranha?
Scrubby pizza?
Stalking phaser?
Sulking pitfall?
Stabby perfectionnist?
Strutting phonebooth?
Sister's philosophy?
Slapstick philarmonist?
Submissive pharmacist?
Sailing proprietor?
Souped-up prattler?
Sunken pepper?
Southern pirate?
Sylvan prostitute?
Saggy prince?
Smooth paradigm?
Snickering projectile?
Snide peppercorn?
Snooty palp?
Sugary professor?
Stilted plague?
Stopped plane?
This is much funnier than it has any right to be.
Destrustor 11th Aug 2012, 4:45 AM edit delete reply
Scootaloo's pipsqueak?
Sparkling pitchfork?
Surprised plumber?
Sacrilegeous prankster?
Squeaky pill?
Solo pope?
Speeding platypus?
Splashing playwright?
Spongy platemail?
Swanky picnic?
Sweat-proof plywood?
Singed pyrotechnician?
Songbird plunderer?
Salty pony?
Serious problem?
Stupid parent?
Stepping parrot?
Scaredy potato?

Ramsus 11th Aug 2012, 11:51 AM edit delete reply

Oh crud.
Zarhon 19th Aug 2012, 8:21 PM edit delete reply
To any spectators/players of the "Zilean's Revenge" PBP campagn

All future Updates will be posted here.