Page 203 - That Other Bard

6th Nov 2012, 5:00 AM in Bridle Gossip
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That Other Bard
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 6th Nov 2012, 5:00 AM edit delete
To answer the question that I'm sure is on everybody's mind: Elizabethan sonnets.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Gden 6th Nov 2012, 5:08 AM edit delete reply
Dunno if we're supposed to post comments on spelling errors, but you misspelled, pentameter.
Gden 6th Nov 2012, 5:08 AM edit delete reply
And I overused my commas.
Oblivious 6th Nov 2012, 5:17 AM edit delete reply
Forget the spelling, I'm amazed someone remembered what iambic pentameter is.
Digo 6th Nov 2012, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
That was so 100% more than I expected for the song.
rem 6th Nov 2012, 11:20 AM edit delete reply
back when I was in college I started out as a computer science major (and my English teaching parents were disappointed I didn't follow the family footsteps). After being criticized for not including documentation in my programs explaining what line of code did what, I started writing my programs in sonnet form.

My teacher called me a smart ass for some reason.
Newbiespud 6th Nov 2012, 10:21 AM edit delete reply
Fixed. Now it will be funny to future generations!
ANW 6th Nov 2012, 5:08 AM edit delete reply
FIRST or at least 2nd.
Wow... this a tough one.
Double time.
Today give your best version of Pinkie's song. Deadline is tonight. Because tommorow, is the voting.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 10:04 AM edit delete reply
I doubt this is what you wanted, but it is what you're getting (with apologies to the Buggles):

Zecora's credited with evil sorcery,
Her eyes can pacify through acts of mesmery,
And when she dances it's an act of infamy.

Oh, no!

You can't imagine just what she intends to do,
Her cauldron's boiling as she makes her evil brew,
Then she'll gobble you up in a big tasty stew.

Oh, no!
Protect your children!
Oh, no!
Don't let her get them!

Zecora is an evil zebra!
Zecora is an evil zebra!
Don't you think I've gone too far?
Oh, I guess so...
ANW 6th Nov 2012, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
Clop,clop,clop and I mean like a horse clap. That was very nice.
Greywander 6th Nov 2012, 1:01 PM edit delete reply
If you're living in a bubble and you haven't got a care
Well you're gonna be in trouble 'cause she'll mess up your fine hair
Her home is full of creepy masks which is the proof of evil tasks she's a
(Watch out!)
She's a zebra
She's an evil enchantress (Hey, don't mess around)
With the zebra

You think you are so smart and there's no such thing as a curse
But you're magic little horn seems like it's only doing worse
It's not a curse it's not a hex well you were wrong in this context she's a
(Watch out!)
She's a zebra
She's an evil enchantress (Say what, don't mess around)
With the zebra

She is a witch and a warlock gonna make so you can't talk

(Watch out!)
She's a zebra
She's an evil enchantress, don't mess around
With the zebra
(Go! Watch out!)
She's a zebra
She's an evil enchantress, don't mess around
With the zebra
(Watch out!)
You're too proud to realize
Gonna cut you down to size
'Cause she's a zebra
(Watch out!)
You always thought you were so great
Now you can't even fly straight
She's a zebra
(Watch out!)
She's a zebra, watch out!
She's a zebra

She's an evil enchantress, don't mess around
With the zebra
So shy you could bolt
Now you sound just like a colt
She's a zebra
She's a zebra

(You better)
Watch out!
Meneth 6th Nov 2012, 2:00 PM edit delete reply
Wow. This should be recorded.
Guest 6th Nov 2012, 2:30 PM edit delete reply Cause I have no skill in webese.

She's climbin in yo' windows, she's snatchin your ponies up
tryna gobble em so y'all need to
hide yo' foals, hide your wife
hide your foals, hide your wife
hide your foals , hide your wife
and hide your husband
cuz she gobblin' errbody out here

After that it kinda just gets boring and non-editable.
Norika-chan 6th Nov 2012, 2:44 PM edit delete reply
This is alarmingly, deliciously, STILL in character. =D
Tatsurou 6th Nov 2012, 4:09 PM edit delete reply
I'd like to see someone turn "Smile Smile Smile" into iambic pentameter...though I doubt it will be an improvement, I just want to see an attempt.
ANW 6th Nov 2012, 6:27 PM edit delete reply
Okay we three very nice songs/poems.
Zuche, Graywander, and a guest... Unless the Guest reviels his name, I can not take it. I am sorry but those are my rules. It is Zuche vs. Graywander.
We will vote them and best one gets to have the entire Mane6 for a sleepover. And they will share you bed. Any vote before 5:00 am will not be counted. Enjoy your Luna.(HA HA HA)
TheStratovarian 6th Nov 2012, 6:36 PM A song of sorts (I hope) edit delete reply
Though I doubt i will do as good as the others in here have. Here is to trying. Link to a more popular one, but it was a fun thing to do.

And Lyrics
An Evil, bedevilled, dark sorcercies cast.
She braves, the day, daring celestia's wrath.
Her powers are fell, cold scorching her gaze.
To claim, this day, her favorite repast.
The soul of a pony, so pure and carefree.
A feast of this day, whose path she befalls.
Ensnared of her web, once a husk now a shell.
Bright luna's grace, please deliver us well.

(The ah refrain)
Zecora, what are you? Can you pass? Leave us be?
Zecora, move on through. Let your stare, miss us true.
Zecora, fate guide you far from these lands, never in.

Worried foal, Fearfull colt.
Come hither to me!
Hear not her song, for it leads you astray!
Pass them by, be okay..
To safely be found..
Zecora, please, not...take them from me?

And amazing work on this awesome comic.
ANW 7th Nov 2012, 3:12 AM edit delete reply
Oh a late entry. I'll accapte that. So you guys have 3 diffent choices, and it is 6:10 here, so let the voting begin. Rember, you can't pick the guest. sorry, I can't guest in these kind of voting.
Zuche 7th Nov 2012, 6:38 AM edit delete reply
Ooh, those were fun to read. If I'm allowed a vote, please let it be for TheStratovarian. It's got a nice flavour for a straight reading, but it also lends itself well to loads of ham as is appropriate to Pinkie. (Why else do you think she's pink?)
ANW 7th Nov 2012, 7:04 AM edit delete reply
As long as you're not voting forself, the vote will count.
in the case of a tie, I decide the winning vote. but only if it is a tie.
Tatsurou 7th Nov 2012, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
My vote for thestratovarian.
Curb 6th Nov 2012, 5:19 AM edit delete reply
Nice, very nice. Love Apple Bloom's face...she just ain't buying it.
The Batman 6th Nov 2012, 5:21 AM edit delete reply
I'm sorry, could someone please explain Iamic Pentameter to me? I tried Wikipedia and I can't make heads nor tails of it.
LoganAura 6th Nov 2012, 5:39 AM edit delete reply
Pentameter is when a poem has a rythm to it involving five different sets of stressed and unstressed syllables.

For example: Pink-ie is stress-unstress and if there were five pink-ie's in the line of the poem, like this
Pinkie Pinkie Pinkie Pinkie Pinkie It'd be pentameter. Not Iambic, but pentameter.
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 6:09 AM edit delete reply
Thank you, Logan, for translating to simple terms.
LoganAura 6th Nov 2012, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
STress and unstress: when you say something, which do you put oomph on.
Iam: a way of meter. unstressed than stressed.
Meter: the rhythm of a poem.
here are some examples of the meter of a few names.
Raxon: Stress-unstress
Newbiespud: Stress-unstress-unstress.
Stairc: Stress-unstress.
Logan Aura: STress-unstress stress-unstress
Blyndir 6th Nov 2012, 6:21 AM edit delete reply
Remember when poetry was simply a matter of rhyming words and trying not to sound like a five year old? I miss those days.
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 6:28 AM edit delete reply
Malroth 6th Nov 2012, 3:04 PM edit delete reply
Iambic is the alternating of stressed and unstressed syllables (like in house of the rising sun)
Pentameter means there's 5 sets of syllables per line
BadHorse 6th Nov 2012, 6:30 AM edit delete reply
Iambic refers to the use of Iambs, which is a particular rhythmic meter used in poetry.

Iambs are two syllables, the first unstressed, and the second stressed.

So, "BA-con," "PINK-ie," and "VOT-ing" are NOT Iambs.

"to-NIGHT we DINE in HELL" is iambic.

Because there are three iambs there, it would be Iambic Tritameter.

Pentameter has 5, etc.

So Iambic Pentameter is a line written to have 5 iambs.

What makes this a great choice is that the ba-DUM, ba-DUM, ba-DUM quality reminds me of horses clopping along. I'm pretty sure the Monty Python coconuts are Iambicly clopped.

"She'll HYP-no-TIZE you IF you LAY a-BOUT."

Sometimes you have to cheat a little, stressing a weird part of a word compared to normal speech, or squeezing or adding a syllable.


(here, "vile," which generally is considered a 2 syllable word, is treated as one. (actually, it's more of a 1 1/2 syllable word. (alternately, you could say "VI-le en-CHANT-ress," treating the "le" and the "en" as the same syllable.)))
Lyntermas 6th Nov 2012, 6:42 AM edit delete reply
I took a Shakespeare class in college, so once I saw the punchline, I immediately said it aloud to make sure it was iambic pentameter. College was useful for something!
realbrickwall 6th Nov 2012, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
She did SAY it was a sonnet in the last comic.
Akintudne 1st Dec 2012, 5:10 PM edit delete reply
As a holder of a degree in English, I have to be that guy.

Not ALL of the lines are perfectly in iambic pentameter. Most of them are, but a few are off. Still, not even The Bard himself wrote in perfect iambic pentameter all the time.
Random 7th Nov 2012, 9:04 PM edit delete reply
Technically speaking, bacon, Pinkie and voting are all trochees. Where an iambus (another name for an iamb) is unstressed-stressed, a trochee is stressed-unstressed. Just like you can have iambic pentameter, you can also have trochaic pentameter - or trochaic tetrameter, or hexameter, or whatever crazy thing you can make up.

One more thing - an iambus and a trochee are both kinds of metrical foot (metrical meaning regarding metre, not using the metric system). The 'pent' in pentameter tells you that there are five feet in the line, but a foot doesn't have to be two syllables. The dactyl, for example, is stressed-unstressed-unstressed, as for example in AL-ba-tross.
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 5:58 AM edit delete reply
The psychic psycho strikes again.

It might be a little wrong to sing a song of fantastic racism, but wouldn't it be an equally horrible crime not to sing?
Digo 6th Nov 2012, 6:04 AM edit delete reply
Aww, she's not psycho. She's just crazy is all. :)
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
I meant me. I totally called it!
Digo 6th Nov 2012, 6:42 AM edit delete reply
OH. Okay, yeah. You're totally psycho. :)
And called it.
Blyndir 6th Nov 2012, 6:19 AM edit delete reply

Your argument is invalid.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
Using that argument, Blyndir, I could write fanfiction in which you are shown to be Genghis Khan and it would invalidate the impressions you'd give anyone who has ever met you.
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Don't be stupid. John Wayne is Genghis Khan!
Digo 6th Nov 2012, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
Whenever I hear the name Khan, I always think Ricardo Montalban.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
Fair enough. Mr. Montalban was amazing in that role.
Anon 6th Nov 2012, 3:14 PM edit delete reply
Seconded. Amazing enough that a lot of people don't realize, until they stop and think about it, that Montalban and Shatner didn't do any face-to-face scenes throughout the entire movie. Scheduling conflicts, and yet it's still remembered as one of the greatest rivalries.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 8:24 AM edit delete reply
I remember that movie. It puts me in the mood to see James Hong play George Washington.

A shame what happened to the people working on it.
kriss1989 6th Nov 2012, 9:21 AM edit delete reply
Unless you're a dwarf, in which case you're expected to be racist against elves and half orcs. Or an elf in which case you're expected to be racist to dwarves, half orcs, half elves, humans, gnomes, halflings, etc.

Why are we only OK with fantasy races being racist and not human characters?
Sigh 6th Nov 2012, 9:32 AM edit delete reply
Because them being racist and not us is the one thing that allows us to be better than them without breaking the story.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 10:11 AM edit delete reply
"Now cut that out!"
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
Because technically they're separate species that are capable of interbreeding?

Speciesism: Because meat tastes good!
Malroth 6th Nov 2012, 3:26 PM edit delete reply
So what should our pathfinder party do with the Speciesist-Human supremist Antipaladin we tied up and threw in a box after he tried to assassinate the half-elf princess currently employing us?
kriss1989 6th Nov 2012, 9:02 PM edit delete reply
Hold him for fair trial where he will be found guilty and sentenced to a hideous death...or geased so that he may never again do harm to those of good weal.
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 11:22 PM edit delete reply
I can't speak for all tree hugging hippie elves, mostly because I play a dwarf, but I believe the tradition is that the elves eat the humans and anyone else they kill, raw, with their bare hands.

Dwarf Fortress: Encouraging fantastic racism in the most horrible of ways.
Ramsus 7th Nov 2012, 12:47 AM edit delete reply
It's not really racism if everything including your own species (and carp) is a clear evil held in check mostly by just not having seen you yet.

There's no distinguishing, it's just that the answer to "is this thing evil?" is always "yes - oh hey that's my spleen give that back!"
Raxon 7th Nov 2012, 12:43 PM edit delete reply
Hey, that's not true. There's fluffy wamblers!

Also, unicorns, though I'm not terribly sure if they're evil, or just huge plotholes.
Zuche 7th Nov 2012, 1:11 PM edit delete reply
Raxon! Such language!
Dr. Klaus 6th Nov 2012, 6:16 AM edit delete reply
I tell you, we're performing As You Like It in about a month, and this is absolutely fantastic. Makes me want to roll me up a Bard.

Which I can now that I've completed the race portion of my MLP FIM RPG homebrew/D&D crossover! :D
Hemi-PoweredDrone 6th Nov 2012, 6:58 AM edit delete reply
Oh! For my 8th grade English class we had to memorize the whole "All the World's a Stage" monologue from there. Good times, good times.
Rhyme Scheme 6th Nov 2012, 6:32 AM Coincidences! edit delete reply
How odd! I actually finished an English sonnet on Rarity just this past weekend.
LoganAura 6th Nov 2012, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
I wanna see!
Rhyme Scheme 6th Nov 2012, 9:35 PM edit delete reply
Sure! I wasn't sure of linking etiquette here, and didn't want to go all Trixie on the comic. The sonnet is at
LoganAura 7th Nov 2012, 5:21 AM edit delete reply
Oh wow that's awesome!
Rhyme Scheme 7th Nov 2012, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
Thanks! It's been really difficult finding an audience for pony poetry on Tumblr; I'm always glad when someone enjoys one I wrote.
Raxon 6th Nov 2012, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
Kudos on using Pinkie doing the russian dance, and the drama pose just before standing.

Also for including everything from Pinkie's original song in a proper sonnet.
Lyntermas 6th Nov 2012, 6:40 AM edit delete reply
Yes, very well done, Newbiespud!
Classic Steve 6th Nov 2012, 6:51 AM edit delete reply
FID Pinkie trumps FIM Pinkie! At least in versification. I wish I could compose as quickly as she does.
FanOfMostEverything 6th Nov 2012, 6:55 AM edit delete reply
I can't help but be reminded of a brief anecdote my senior-year English teacher would tell us of the time she overheard a perfect fragment of iambic pentameter. It was in the apartment next to hers:

"I can't believe you lost the fucking keys."
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
That's a good way to help people remember it long enough to make it stick.
Norika-chan 6th Nov 2012, 2:56 PM edit delete reply
Only trouble is, now that you've heard that, now your brain will automatically parse things into iambic pentameter without even trying--and you'll get a little confused when things don't quite fit.

That darn Ba-DA ba-DA ba-DA rhythm. XD
Zuche 7th Nov 2012, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
See, when you put it that way, I instead wind up hearing every word to the tune of "Only You", specifically the Flying Pickets acapella version.

Since it's quiet, however, I've currently got the version by Yazoo stuck running.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 7:14 AM edit delete reply
Well done, Newbiespud, both in verse and image selection. It's amusing to see that the NPC's reaction is very different than that of the other PCs.
AttentionDeficitGuy 6th Nov 2012, 8:19 AM edit delete reply
As a fan of all (okay, most) things Shakespeare, I vastly appreciate and approve of your use of iambic pentameter. Seriously, that was pretty awesome.
Eyepoppee 6th Nov 2012, 8:46 AM edit delete reply
Wait, Twilight's first reaction to the sonnet was about that lamb-ish pasta-thingie?

*draws breath*


Now excuse me while ignore the pot-kettle-ness of this message.
Sidnoea 6th Nov 2012, 9:26 AM edit delete reply
Shakespearean sonnet over Petrarchan sonnet? I am disappoint. Good sonnet though.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 10:09 AM edit delete reply
Pinkie's trying to put her rocky past behind her.
Bronymous 6th Nov 2012, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
I don't see the rogue. Rarity's stealing something guise!

Trying to pickpocket and/or sneak attack the evil pony, no doubt. Nightmare Night all over again.
Zuche 6th Nov 2012, 1:18 PM edit delete reply
"Oh, she's good..."
Zarhon 6th Nov 2012, 5:36 PM edit delete reply
Welp, that's something I didn't expect from this comic: Being reminded of high-school literary classes.
Zuche 7th Nov 2012, 8:13 AM edit delete reply
Tune in next season, when Newbiespud tackles the geopolitical ramifications of the printing press, as illustrated by Rainbow Dash!
Vulpixel 7th Nov 2012, 1:06 AM edit delete reply
Wow, I remember having to write like that in high school English class. And you did it willingly...on a web comic...about ponies.

My hat is off to you. Have a cookie, and an internet.
Guest 7th Nov 2012, 8:28 AM edit delete reply
There's a zebra in sight,
but there's no need to fear.
All will be right,
as long as you don't come near.

As a rule she is harmless,
she'll leave you alone.
But cause her distress,
and she'll make you atone.

Don't aproach that strange creature,
such acts don't end well.
If in her attention you feature,
Your life becomes hell.
Raxon 7th Nov 2012, 1:00 PM edit delete reply
Alternate last panel:

Twilight: I'm no doctor, but that looks infected. Maybe you should put some shorts on if you want to keep fighting evil with us today.
Zuche 7th Nov 2012, 1:21 PM edit delete reply
It could be worse. Allow me to demonstrate.

Twilight: Are you trying to seduce me, Pinkie McPinkerson?

Twilight: That's no loon. That's the Cakes' probationer.

Twilight: That was the worst interpretation of Hamlet I have ever seen.

Twilight: I have to admit, your impression of Edward is pretty good. Now do Jacob.
Tatsurou 7th Nov 2012, 2:25 PM edit delete reply
or, alternatively...

Twilight: Pinkie, save the table dancing for your parties.