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14th Feb 2013, 5:00 AM in Bridle Gossip
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Newbiespud 14th Feb 2013, 5:00 AM edit delete
In this page's comments, tell a story that involves looting and/or ransacking.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: February 20th.



Raxon 14th Feb 2013, 5:01 AM edit delete reply
I love the look on Fluttershy's face.

Oh! As for story time,I do have a fun character from an old story. His name was Captain Sociopath. His super gimmick was teleportation, and he could spam that like nobody's business. His day job was as a street performer. He'd use it to seem to pull things like goose eggs out of a kid's ear. He'd teleport a quarter from someone's pocket, and make it appear in the child's hand. He let the kid keep the quarter, and people tossed money in his jar. Very successful.

As a crime fighter, his favorite enemies were people who used guns, because then he could steal their bullets. He'd also steal their wallets, watches, phones, and when they were arrested, he'd pull their ID out of their wallets and go loot their homes. He also had a bulletproof shield carved and painted to look like a terrified hostage.

Captain America, Superman, Spiderman. These are names that inspire confidence.

Captain Sociopath. This is a name that makes you worry.
Paragrin 14th Feb 2013, 5:13 AM edit delete reply
First formula: leave one-sentence comment to get first, then go back and put a story into it.
Works every time.
Raxon 14th Feb 2013, 5:16 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, but I'm spastic enough that I actually missed the topic and only saw it on a second look.
Paragrin 14th Feb 2013, 5:01 AM edit delete reply
So, that's an easy out for when the DM wants to bring her back.
Phoe 14th Feb 2013, 5:02 AM edit delete reply
If an adventurer isn't okay with breaking into people's houses and stealing everything they own, they're not an adventurer.
Blyndir 14th Feb 2013, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
"If it's not nailed down or on fire, it is mine. If it can be pried loose or extinguished, it wasn't nailed down or on fire to begin with."
-Thief with my wallet, car keys and spleen
sidhe3141 14th Feb 2013, 2:14 PM edit delete reply
You keep your spleen on fire?
Kyril 15th Feb 2013, 5:09 PM edit delete reply
I've heard of heartburn, but this...
Disloyal Subject 14th Nov 2013, 11:55 PM Adventurers edit delete reply
I want so badly to dispute that, but I'm having a hard time...
DracoS 14th Feb 2013, 5:03 AM edit delete reply
Every Pathfinder campaign I've been in, it's a race to see who can loot the dead bodies and/or the abandoned building first.

Also, hope those two have their lucky trap-disarming charms ready.
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 5:49 AM edit delete reply
They do, Rarity has Rainbow Dash. XD
Vulpixel 16th Feb 2013, 10:38 AM edit delete reply
Abandoned? Last session one guy didn't like what the shopkeep was charging, so he knocked him out and started to loot. Then city guards showed up, had to take them out...
Gorm 14th Feb 2013, 5:12 AM edit delete reply
Are you implying there are stories that don't involve looting and/or ransacking? I thought that's what roleplaying is all about.
Destrustor 14th Feb 2013, 5:13 AM edit delete reply
My group has a proud tradition called "nordic/viking looting". It started out when we played a viking-like barbarian party. Everyone was dual-classed barbarian/something else.
So we eventually wind up with an enchanted ring that opens up a recurrent, permanent "magnificent mansion", basically a hammerspace homebase.
One day, as we are looting a dungeon, we realise "hey, all that furniture must be worth something too". The DM asks if we are really going to haul desks amd tables out of the place like idiots and one player just goes "well, we do have the mansion, right? and it has lots of room, doesn't it?"
So from that point on, we made it a habit of stuffing everything in the mansion whenever we looted places. We even bought a few more of those rings just to have more room.
So "nordic looting" is our codeword for "we take absolutely everything".
We once stole the wall linings and floor tiles of a dungeon we hadn't even cleared out yet. Kill the monsters, take the walls, and THEN go to the next room.

Nordic looting, what TRUE VIKINGS do.
MWS 14th Feb 2013, 5:19 AM edit delete reply
Reminds me of the old story of an adventure that had a door made of some super rare anti-magic metal. The intent was that the door had to be untrapped and unlocked by mundane means before the adventure could continue. The effect was that most parties simply *stole* the door and retired in comfort without finishing the adventure.
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 7:13 AM edit delete reply
Yes, I recall that happening in Dark Sun, where the half-giant ripped the door from its hinges and hauled it into the market.

I also recall hearing how that backfired in a game where the templars had a lot of awkward questions for the group. As a result, the door was seized and the party had to pay a "fine" for vandalism.
alynnidalar 14th Feb 2013, 7:02 PM edit delete reply
I think that happened in Tomb of Horrors. When it was updated for some new edition (don't recall which one), the rules were very certain to specify that the doors were NOT made of adamantium, etc., but rather were magically hardened to LOOK and ACT exactly like adamantium.
Raxon 14th Feb 2013, 5:20 AM edit delete reply
Hey, what a coincidence! That's what my giant monk is intended for!

Disassembling the entire dungeon brick by brick, and selling everything in town, even the corpses. After all, if some necromancer wants to buy a hundred goblin skulls, I see no reason not to sell them to him. Especially since I'll be getting paid to stop whatever horrible thing he's planning. No downside.
jmb 14th Feb 2013, 5:17 PM Authentic, even! edit delete reply
Hey, you laugh but that's right there in Beowulf -- "Oft did Scyld Scefing from his enemies' halls/haul home mead-benches" !
Urthdigger 14th Feb 2013, 5:25 AM edit delete reply
Most characters I make are art connoisseurs. Frequently this means that any paintings mentioned in the description of the room, even if the DM only merely meant them as descriptions (Scratch that, ESPECIALLY if they were only meant as descriptions) are mine.
Raxon 14th Feb 2013, 5:28 AM edit delete reply
Tapestries? Oh, and murals! You must take those, too! Sculptures!

Say, those 'slave girls' are obviously just performance artists. Gotta grab a couple of those.
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 5:48 AM edit delete reply
If you want to be hardcore, you bring tools to take the black marble tiles off the floor for cash. Had a player actually do that. :D
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 7:21 AM edit delete reply
Connoisseurs are the most rewarding PCs to have as a DM, especially the ones that run with casual description and view some of the most mundane items as a prize no one else would appreciate. Naturally, this leads to cases where other party members steal from them, only to find out that the only market that would give them good money for the item is the connoisseur.
Dugong 14th Feb 2013, 5:32 AM title? edit delete reply
My group (and specifically me) had a bad case of looting at our second ever d&d session. A king asked us to look into his son who he suspected of preparing a coup, by the time we found out the details it had already started. Eventually we found ourselves in the throne room defending the king against the prince usurper and some of his lackeys. We cut down the mooks while the DM slowly resolved the king/prince duel, we were about to help the king fight when the prince landed the killing blow, but to our amazement died in his moment of triumph (his sword, a viscous one I believe in hindsight, dealt d6 damage to him every round, and by luck he killed the king on the same turn the sword killed him).

As this was my second session I immediately thought "That sword is cool! I want to have a look at it", and immediately ran up and had a look at the princes sword. Just as the Royal guard were barging in to give us a hand. Where they see me standing over the prince AND kings dead body with the princes very bloody sword and a "I can explain this" expression. We didn't hang around long enough to fully loot the king and prince sadly and had to make a desperate escape since pretty much everyone in the city wanted us dead.
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 7:25 AM edit delete reply
Dugong, that was a great story. At least you got the sword, right?
Dugong 16th Feb 2013, 7:52 PM edit delete reply
I did, but I didn't realise the sword I had at the start of the campaign was a magical MacGuffin making the princes sword an okay secondary weapon. As cool as having a sword that got free upgrades (the magical macguffin that is) as you level up was, I quickly realised I was getting a bad deal. for example the sword at around level 13 ish got the brilliant energy property(the lightsaber effect that ignores armor and non living matter) which I thought was a massive buff, except for the rest of the campaign no opponents were wearing armor, in fact the encounters suddenly changed to undead (where the sword has no effect as it swishes through them) and the most use I got from the swords brilliant energy was when I was stabbing my allies as a method of persuasion (as they relied on their heavy armor).
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 5:46 AM edit delete reply
Modern X-Files conspiracy campaign--

The party had discovered an abandoned nuclear silo that was converted to a bomb shelter that was converted to storage for... stuff, and then forgotten under a mountain of government red tape.

The stuff that was stored there was all paranormal items, not unlike "artifacts" from the TV series Warehouse 13 (This campaign took place in 2002 however, much earlier than the TV show).
So how do my players deal with a bunker filled with danger?

Yup, the opened every single crate and looted it all. Anything that attacked them was destroyed, while everything else was pocketed and taken home to find a use for.

That copic burial urn that's haunted with an ice elemental? Stuck it on the bookshelf to keep beer cold.

The radioactive ceramic plates taken from an experimental Abrams tank? Used to keep leftovers warm and sterile.

The uncut Zapruder film that shows who did kill JFK? Eh, tossed that in the trash.
DoubleCross 14th Feb 2013, 6:22 AM edit delete reply

Jason Shadow 14th Feb 2013, 6:25 PM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow
Noooo! My blood! You stole all my blood!
DracoS 14th Feb 2013, 10:40 PM edit delete reply
A beating human heart! That's where I draw the line!


Oh wait! Now that you mention it, I yanked out a guy's heart this morning.
Froborr 14th Feb 2013, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
Hey all, sort-of newbie here. I've been reading a couple months, but I don't think I've posted before.

I had this one friend in high school who always played a complete klepto. If it wasn't nailed down, he took it. First campaign I ran for him, a homebrew set on a near-future Earth, I didn't know this about him, so I let him have a dimensionally transcendent backpack (basically a bag of holding with less well-defined limits).

In the first session, he took: All the spices in his friend's kitchen, the lint from under the couch, some ribbon he found in the trash, all the aluminum cans from the recycling bin, and a chair. Admittedly the last one was sort of worth stealing, since it was a quasi-organic superchair that detected and responded to the weight and muscle tension of the person sitting on it to automatically reshape itself into the most comfortable chair you ever sat on.

Of course, by the end of the session civilization collapsed and the cities burned, which meant my friend had the only one of those chairs left. That ended up being the main plothook for his character: the Big Bad wanted to conquer the world, and he wanted The Comfiest Chair In All Creation to be his throne.

Except for the chair, the player eventually found a combat use for every single thing he looted, too.
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 7:28 AM edit delete reply
Welcome to the village, Froborr. Your friend's character sounds positively... kenderrific.
Froborr 14th Feb 2013, 7:44 AM edit delete reply
Thanks for the welcome!

Also, I need a "Like" button for your reply to Karilyn below.
reynard61 14th Feb 2013, 7:13 PM edit delete reply
Are you the same Froborr who used to comment on The Slacktivist? If so, Hi! We -- or at least I -- miss you, man!
horizon 14th Feb 2013, 9:52 AM edit delete reply
> Except for the chair, the player eventually found a combat use for every single thing he looted

Are you kidding? Chairs are the BEST combat things. At the start of the campaign where I played Sascha the White (a half-orc monk who ended up becoming a silver-dragon starship engineer – but that's a story for another time), we took a chair that ended up being the most useful item we picked up in the whole first half of the game.

Our party's goliath barbarian, Pepino, was looting the house of a mage who was a little self-conscious about his height. The GM described a chair that looked a little like a hovering recliner, complete with a lever on its side (which raised and lowered the chair so that the mage could sit eye-to-eye with whoever he was meeting). The very first thing Pepino did was sit down in the chair, and shove the lever all the way to its maximum position.

The GM, for a quick gag, said the mage had made a slight miscalculation when calibrating the hoverchair's height limit, and instead of 500 *inches* at full power, it went up to 500 *feet*. Pepino immediately smashed through the second-story floor, the attic, and the roof, and was left clinging to the chair high above the town.

When he came down, our eyes immediately lit up.

We found a use for it in *every session* of game from then on. We used it as a scouting post when surveying land we had to traverse. We used it as a sniping platform for our crossbow rogue. We used it to safely descend pits and climb walls.

We finally lost the chair when we took it into a strange alternate dimension that insanely supercharged magical items. We set it down on the ground, barely brushed against the lever, and it shot into orbit. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on your view of basic physics), nobody was sitting on it at the time.
Arcel 14th Feb 2013, 10:24 AM edit delete reply
Chairs are very useful. I still have very little TTG RPG experience, but I recently joined a Deathwatch game, and the very first thing my character did of any significance was kill a demonically possessed servitor by throwing a chair at it because we were surprised without our weapons.
Though I may have just been having a good day, because the next thing he fought, another Servitor, he tore the limbs right off of.
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 10:39 AM edit delete reply
Guess he needed some... arm rests.
Froborr 14th Feb 2013, 10:53 AM edit delete reply
*sunglasses, the Who*
Raxon 14th Feb 2013, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
If Girl Genius has taught me anything, it's that chairs are not weapons, and are therefore acceptable in polite combat.
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 11:57 AM edit delete reply
I'd have thought that the most educational thing it taught people was that a runcible gun's sound effect has to be "sporksporkspork".

I wonder what Mrs. Byrne would think of the uses he's made of her dictionary.
TDR 14th Feb 2013, 7:16 AM edit delete reply
Currently playing a pirate campaign in Pathfinder.

We take teeth, ship nails, planks of wood sail cloths peg legs, food, water, rope, clothing,tangled fishing line etc etc etc. If it will get us a copper we will take it. We've stripped dragons down to nothing, cleaned out entire islands with a portable hold and a big ship and went so far into a undersea ship that the DM had to bust out the random treasure table.
Karilyn 14th Feb 2013, 7:32 AM edit delete reply
I want that chair <3

Also your klepto friend sounds like a lot of fun and you were lucky to have such a great DM!

Thanks for posting <3
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 7:39 AM edit delete reply
Karilyn was the Big Bad in Froborr's campaign? What a twist!
Froborr 14th Feb 2013, 7:42 AM edit delete reply
Since I was the DM, I'll take that as a compliment. ;)

Everyone wants the chair. Then once you get it, well... everyone wants it, and will come after you to get it. It's sort of like the One Ring... only a chair.
Karilyn 14th Feb 2013, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
I'm amazed that I've used this site for over a year now and still managed to mispost a reply. Derp.

And enjoy your compliment Froborr
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
Oh hey, someone's giving away complimentary Froborrs? ;)

Speaking of Kleptos, I did a one-shot D&D style Toon campaign where one player was a klepto-otter. She attempted to steal the party fighter's "Sword of Kersnicker-Snack" (our Toon version of a Sword of Sharpness).

It ended poorly. The otter PC gets the sword through the chest, but it's now out of the fighter's hand. The fighter doesn't realize she's now weilding just an open hand but somehow manages to critically wound the Evil Knight in the face with said hand, dealing Kersnicker-Snack! damage anyway because it avoided the clause that the Evil Knight was immune to critical hits from sword damage.

...I'm trying to remember why I don't run Toon more often?
Raxon 14th Feb 2013, 9:31 AM edit delete reply
Because if you had a player like me, I'd be level five while everyone else was stuck at level two.

You gain bonus xp for leaving people speechless, right? I can do that.
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 10:45 AM edit delete reply
I had a player like that once. No one could touch him in terms of wit. The game system or genre didn't matter, he was gifted with the Element of Laughter.

I think he's currently "Discorded" somewhere in eastern Washington State.
Jason Shadow 14th Feb 2013, 6:33 PM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow
Eastern Washington, you say? He wouldn't happen to live somewhere in Walla Walla, would he? I might know him, as unlikely as that probably is.
aylatrigger 14th Feb 2013, 8:44 AM edit delete reply
This is a story from a game I played with my brothers. Specifically, a world my oldest brother created with some races and rules he made up, mostly based on traditional 3.5 ones with some minor changes. I was a fairy rogue. Fairies in this world were all female. They reproduced by kidnapping small boys for their mates and keeping them young as 'Lost Boys'. But I digress.

The dwarven race mainly worshiped three gods, all of whom were dragons. Marmoreus was the marble-dragon dwarven-god of good, war, and alcohol, thought to bring alcohol to the Great Bartender. Aurum was the gold-dragon dwarven-god of evil, war, and alcohol, thought to bring alcohol to the Great Bartender. And Smaragdos was the emerald dragon. Smaragdos's teachings told of an ancient time when there were 12 dragon gods, 1 for each of the great arts. And Smaragdos's art was...banditry. Followers of Smaragdos would steal holy symbols from the other two groups and disfigure them with smileys to make their holy symbol. But most importantly, Smaragdos's followers took banditry very seriously. To them it was an art, one which was rigorously scrutinized by critics who would watch from sidelines and you would hope would all give '10.0' signs.

So...our party was beset by dwarven rogues. My fairy immediately did the only thing she could: she scrutinized the dwarves' 'art' and did skill checks on giving them advice on how to rob people better. After many successful skill checks and a thorough explanation on how to improve the dwarves' robbing skill, they had become friendly with us and we sent them to rob a nearby goblin village we had had some trouble with. While we weren't the ones looting, we were at least responsible for it.
Django 14th Feb 2013, 9:37 AM edit delete reply
Not so much a story as just a small anecdote from my first D&D group.

I was the rogue in me and my friends' first game of D&D together. For whatever reason, most of the funny sayings our group ended up with somehow involved me. Such things include: "Let's throw the rogue at it!", and "I just tumbled through 4 inches of WHAT?!?" (that's what I get for using Tumble in a sewer filled with deepspawn). But the most important one, in my Roguey heart was one of my own. "If they've been dead for more than 3 seconds, it's not stealing it's looting." Any attempts at further semantics usually involve a dagger and a spine.
deeman45 14th Feb 2013, 9:46 AM edit delete reply
In the first RPG I GM'ed, I enforced a "No Evil Characters" rule, so I didn't feel the need to make shopkeeps uber-powerful to discourage raiding their stores.

However, as a plot twist, I made a black market trader in cahoots with a local horde of monsters. When the players discovered this, they killed the hell out of him.


PLAYER 1: Okay, now we loot all his goods.

ME: But you guys can't steal!

PLAYER 2: We just killed him because he was selling out people to monsters! We get his crap.

ME: ...dammit.

That bit me in the ass. It bit me hardcore.

(Remember, that was my first ever GM experience. Later I learned to be far more crafty...and to be less of a stickly, railroading hardass. <3)
Zuche 14th Feb 2013, 11:59 AM edit delete reply
Deeman45, on this day you have made me laugh heartily. For this, I am grateful.
deeman45 14th Feb 2013, 6:27 PM edit delete reply
I live to serve, amigo.
Lyntermas 14th Feb 2013, 10:27 AM edit delete reply
In the "Zilean's Revenge" campaign, the kobold rouge and my young wizard came across a locked and boarded up door in a temple. Skitter teleported past the door and rolled a nat 20 on looting, getting EVERYTHING that wasn't nailed down (door handles, chalices, etc.). Of the items that he came back out with, he handed me three to use Arcana to identify. These turned out to be:

1. A few books written in religious script (which the cleric would be able to decipher)
2. A brown cloak with tassels at the bottom, which had a hint of Transmutation magic.
3. A mostly cracked orb that, when I tried to identify it, discharged a magical effect before disintegrating.

What these items later turned out to be:
1. A book stating that the orb was from an ancient civilization, with the words "Invoke me, know death" on them. Two people who had similarly activated the orb had died shortly thereafter.
2. A book that started off being written in a foreign language, then being the ciphered writings of another person, which slowly descended to madness with the last few pages being smudged with blood.
3. A living cloak that, while potentially helpful when it has a wearer, reacts violently when taken off.
4. An orb that allows one to see the Grim Reaper.

...Yeah, looting's kind of a mixed blessing sometimes.
terrycloth 14th Feb 2013, 10:44 AM edit delete reply
We were playing a Dark Sun game, and the ridiculous setting has some ridiculous rules, like water being worth 1 gold per gallon (with a gold being worth a lot more than in standard D+D). The DM kind of forgot about this, and put in an underground lake. "So, how many gallons are in a lake?"

More recently, we were playing a module where a minor artifact was the only thing keeping this tower safe from a horde of demons. We looted the interior of the tower and also made peace with the inhabitants (portable holes are good for hiding suspicious loot), then with the unintentional (but pre-planned by the module) help of a big bad, lured the demons into the tower and fried them by putting the artifact back in place.

With the demons gone, it wasn't like our new 'allies' *needed* the anti-demon artifact anymore... unfortunately I was outvoted and we left it behind. :(
Giggle Tail 14th Feb 2013, 10:58 AM edit delete reply
Giggle Tail
I've got a decent story for this one.

Our first campaign, after defeating the final boss for our first arch, an NPC ally was mourning the loss of his brother, who had been exposed as a traitor just before the battle.

Our party sorcerer, being the true neutral jerk that he was, placed a reassuring hand on the NPCs shoulder and said "I'm sorry for your loss," just before shamelessly ransacking his brother's corpse to see if he had any good loot.
Digo 14th Feb 2013, 1:31 PM edit delete reply
makes for a nice double-play on the meaning of "Loss".
Giggle Tail 15th Feb 2013, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
Giggle Tail
Yeah, though my character still gave him heck for it. I was one of the only "good" members of the typically seems to be the case.
Kulian 7th Jul 2013, 12:13 AM edit delete reply
I run a 4e Pokemon D&D game. The party comes upon a man lying unconscious next to the body of a dead Sandshrew. Immediately upon being woken up, he notices his dead pet and begins crying inconsolably, saying that it was his first and only pokemon for almost 10 years.

The first thing the party Battlemind did?
Loudly say "I bet he porked it" to everyone in hearing distance.

The trainer had to be restrained in order to not try and kill a fully-equipped tank when he only had a single hitpoint.

To this day the player still insists that they meant to say it out of character.
Froborr 14th Feb 2013, 11:11 AM edit delete reply
Thought of another one, though this isn't so much a story as an idea and an argument: The Bag of Enemy Refining.

Friend of mine came up with this, and wanted to make one. What you need is a large net made of metal wire, a bag of holding at least big enough to hold a Medium creature, and a gelatinous cube big enough to fill the bag.

Fill bag with cube, sneak up behind target, pull the bag down over their head and close it. Wait a few hours, then use the net to fish out any metallic items they were carrying. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Of course, immediately on the friend's announcement of their intentions, the bitter argument erupted about whether putting the cube in the bag would kill it, and whether dead cubes can dissolve flesh, and okay what if it's a ZOMBIE cube... needless to say, we never got around to actually trying it.
Grrys 15th Feb 2013, 8:02 AM edit delete reply
Do Gelatinous Cubes have lungs? No.
Do they need to breath? No.
Plan would work, but you'd have to be quick about it!
FanOfMostEverything 14th Feb 2013, 11:19 AM edit delete reply
Fun story: The first dungeon the party in my Pathfinder campaign cleared was the mansion of an eccentric old wizard who decided that, after years of delving into dangerous mazes of hazardous traps and hostile monsters, it was only fair that he make one. In addition to the golems, swarms of animated books, and baleful-polymorph-trapped welcome mat, there was the house itself. How so? One particularly hilarious spell I imported from d20: Awaken Construct. Thus was created the Heuristic Oversight Utility and Sapient Entity. Or H.O.U.S.E., for short.
Anyway, the party had been far more focused on plowing through the fights than bothering to explore, which meant that they had barely found any of the treasure by the time they killed the boss. The end result? They were guided to the loot by the dungeon itself. On the other hand, stealing everything that wasn't nailed down was frowned upon, since H.O.U.S.E. is a fairly powerful wizard in its own right, and is rather attached to its furnishings.
Froborr 14th Feb 2013, 11:25 AM edit delete reply
I love the idea of and acronym for H.O.U.S.E. May I steal him for the MLPFIM BESM campaign I'm gearing up to run?
FanOfMostEverything 16th Feb 2013, 8:03 AM edit delete reply
Go for it! Anything I can do to inspire others is a plus in my book. :D
Rieyu 14th Feb 2013, 1:47 PM edit delete reply
I once went in a roleplaying party that had a cheerful, smiling, pyromaniac, anti-killing, mad scientist. the deal for distribution as quite simple- if the enemy was alive, she got them to experiment with for her 'research'.(experimentation on how to best torture humanoid monsters, for instance) while the rest looted their pockets, stealing everything. she managed to force our vanquished enemies to craft anything she felt she needed- usually just useless stuff like 'multiclassed harp'. i'm still trying to figure out how long she had been planning on doing this...
sunbeam 14th Feb 2013, 3:11 PM edit delete reply
I have two stories today. The first is the most wonderfully misunderstood scout in history.

It was my friend's first time playing D&D, and he said he wanted to be a sort of sniping class, so we led him towards the Scout, a sort of mobile archer+rogue class. He made a classic military background, tough old bastard character, with one twist: He was the greediest human to ever walk the earth.

No, really. He demanded compensation for everything the party did, including, once, when someone commented on hwo . I once got him to follow a leprechaun with a trail of gold pieces, literally laying them out like bread crumbs. After the apocalypse, the crew helps destroy a group of bandits that had been terrorizing a city for some time, and the whole village decides to become a traveling troupe of circus performers. He immediately sets about collecting deeds to all the property they're going to leave behind, including the mansion of the now dead thieves. Keep in mind this is after THE APOCALYPSE, when nobody else cares about property rights. He then went on to loot everything in an entire village, and stow it for later sale. He even gives up some really nice magic items in favor of holding onto the party's gold supply. He took so much ribbing from everyone else for his greed, and we all had a good laugh.

The catch? As DM, I was the only person who knew this, but he was traveling the world and gathering money to feed his family back home. He had a wife and two children, and every town they entered, he would fence everything he had and pass me a note detailing how much money he was sending back to the Southern Wastelands where his family lived. He never kept anything except a bow and some magic weapon oil that made his arrows crazy powerful.

Then in the ultimate dick move I kill his whole family in the aforementioned apocalypse, but in his own words "I trust my wife to carry on, as long as she has the money he needs," so he kept sending his gold down South, at each and every (increasingly separated) village stop.

Well, let's clear up that downer note with a personal favorite story of mine, The Luteing of the Room.

Basically, in one campaign, a friend of mine played a musically inclined wizard who convinced the DM to let him invent a single 8th level transmutation spell:
Lute the room:
Target apartment complex is rearranged into the shape of a random stringed instrument. The integrity of each room is preserved, only their arrangement is changed.
An apartment complex is a complex of rooms and corridors, so most dungeons fit the description admirably. You can imagine the hijinks that ensued.
The crowning moment of the campaign was when we were fighting through the final dungeon towards the big bad (which was a very stereotypical spacious underground hideout), and we had just killed a bunch of gelatinous cubes, which had been surrounded by remains and magical items, so naturally, the wizard says "I loot the room."

The DM gets the most sinister smile on her face. "Suddenly, room shakes around you. You feel the floor pushing up against you, as though you're rising, and suddenly sun filters through cracks in the earthen walls. Everything settles again, and with a thud, the room comes to rest. A ladder falls from the ceiling, leading up into darkness."

One player was playing a raptoran (the birdfolk from Wind Waker, basically), so we cut our way through the dirt and he flew outside to take a look. Lo and behold, the entire dungeon had uprooted itself from beneath the ground and taken on the shape of an upright lyre about the size of a nearby volcano. There were ladders for vertical travel and bridges that made up the strings. Needless to say, the big bad was rather pissed at what we had done to his once-secret hideout, but the real kicker is what the wizard did after we won.

While we were all joking about how ridiculous that had been during the post-campaign schpeel from our DM, the wizard's player was a little quiet. In our group anybody who likes to can detail what their character does in the aftermath of the campaign. The wizard's player opened up the world's first every chain of stores, and they all sold musical instruments. Each shop was located at the sight of a dungeon we'd crawled, that was then "luted." There was a grand piano building, a giant guitar building, a massive sitar building, and of course his headquarters in the epic lyre office. Sadly, the campaign setting hasn't been taken out of the box since, or I'm sure we'd have plenty more cameos of this batty old musician.
Malroth 14th Feb 2013, 3:26 PM edit delete reply
Okay she already cursed you once and knows your psycology enough to trap her door after your first meeting and you want to loot her house????? I guess its just the paranoid 2nd ed player in me that comes from a time where every single magic item was cursed but looting Zecoura's hut seems like an incredibly stupid move.
Dopneus 14th Feb 2013, 4:56 PM edit delete reply
Well she won't need her house for some undetermined time, so I would say avoiding the door and breaking the walls would be fine.
Lightning Flicker 14th Feb 2013, 5:48 PM edit delete reply
Ooh, I finally have a story for story time! I'm a fairly new player so I don't have many stories, but this one is pretty decent. We had finished a fight and gotten dropped into a new room at the end of it. The DM encouraged us to check these barrels in the room subtly. OUr party's other wizard went for the dead Discord that I'd requested to fight earlier on. Every time anyone found something, I requested to Arcana check it being a witch myself. I did excellent on my Arcana checks. Well, the other wizard found a brush and rolled poorly and the DM simply told him that he wondered what would happen if he brushed his hair. So, I whipped out the brush I carried around with me and told him to give me the brush. He complied and I started brushing my hair. We found out that the brush had an illusion enchantment on it that allowed me to take on the appearance of whoever I thought of.A few of the characters saw through the fact it was an illusion. We also found a book that was supposedly important but we all forgot about the book. I kept the brush for my character. Most of us have new characters now and the we're in a market place. I asked the DM if my new character could find the brush because my old character died and he said sure, but it would be expensive. Luckily, I have an excellent Thievery skill. He he! Way to go for the Pixie Druid! Hopefully it'll go well!
Qazarar 14th Feb 2013, 6:41 PM edit delete reply
Well, my story takes place during the 2.5 campaign that a friend of mine is running. We have a party of four, fairly standard. I play a wizard who is always the first to loot any given corpse, room, or chest, because he has very big plans that will require a lot of capital. Now, one of the other members of the party dies literally every session. He isn't too upset about it because it gives him the chance to build a bunch of cool characters. But every time a character of his dies, my wizard always loots his corpse. There were even occasions I looted his stuff when he was still alive, and once when I stole his soul for enchanting after he died. Consequently, my character is always the richest member of the party at any given time, which is somewhat ironic, since the party has a kleptomaniac rogue who sometimes even steals things without himself noticing, and I'm still always richer than he is.
Sjosten 14th Feb 2013, 7:21 PM edit delete reply
I don't have a story, but I have a supplement. Well, a supplement to-be, but still. There's a publishing company called Board Enterprises that is going to be coming out with abook detailing what a character would find in a house if they looted everything. I don't know when they're coming out with this, but it's in their schedle.
Ryuutakeshi 14th Feb 2013, 8:44 PM edit delete reply
My looting story: Every session ever. There is always loots to be found. Our GM even mentioned once he thinks we should search the areas we go into more often because we're missing things.

Moonrush 14th Feb 2013, 9:32 PM edit delete reply
We once had a campaign based on anime cliches, I picked the "harem seeker" and basically randomly kidnapped anything in a skirt and my catchphrase was "you tsundere!" The DM learned to actually give the scantilly clad white mages stats, after that, and I went back to only looting nonsentient items. Like the skirts.
Fjorab 14th Feb 2013, 11:18 PM edit delete reply
One of our good friends was a rogue who had rummaged through a cabin to find things he could use to sell, melt down for metal, etc. When the owner came home, the rogue snuck away, muttering, "Nothing but pots. Lots and lots of pots. Gotta go...pots." That was 16 years ago, and we still say it when we gotta run before we had planned.
Forest Flare 14th Feb 2013, 11:38 PM edit delete reply
Recently in one of the RPs I'm in, my evil character and the rest of my party had a run in with the mafia. My evil character slipped away to spy on them, and accidentally got a job from them to kidnap one of the NPCs my party knew from a previous RP and deliver him to the mafia to be killed. My evil character proceeded to set the city on fire, loot half the burning tower while he did so, kidnapped both the NPC AND a party member that was with him at the time, and went to finish the job. Unfortunately, another party member went straight to the mafia when they saw the burning city and proceeded to solo the entire mafia. My evil character walked in, knocked them out, killed the weakened mafia boss, collected his rewards (A pistol and an SMG, go figure), and left. He left a 'replacement' with the party, to hide his true intentions, and went back and looted the burned city after they left.
HopeFox 15th Feb 2013, 12:09 AM edit delete reply
The last game I ran was a Stone Age D&D setting. A lot of the fights were against animals and animal-like monsters, especially when they were in the depths of the jungle. When the Monster Manual said, "Treasure: None", my players said, "Challenge accepted."

Krenshar? Hides turned into cloaks. Giant bees? Stingers turned into daggers. Giant snakes? Scales for armour or decoration. Assassin vine? Turned into rope.
Shchenya 15th Feb 2013, 1:00 AM edit delete reply
My party I GM for regulary has become so bad for looting everything, I've created a 10,000 entry table of "Random Crap", literally including random faeces, because at one point or another when looting they've asked. Includes everything from lint to decks of many things.
Solario the Visored 15th Feb 2013, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
I love the expression shots used for Dash and Rarity in the last two panels! :3
Grrys 15th Feb 2013, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
One member of my Pathfinder group (a newbie) would always play druids and summoners for the animal companion and eidolon, respectively. He'd try to play them like a rogue, to no effect. We kept telling him to play a rogue, but he wanted the animal companion. He also couldn't play a spellcaster to save his life (again, newbie). On day, we were getting fed up with his attempted "swift of hand" checks, so our fighter-of-the-day pulled a Red Forman: By sticking his foot up his a*s. The druid's response? "How much was it worth before it was up my a*s?"
Zenaku 15th Feb 2013, 10:02 AM edit delete reply
It was my second D&D campaign. We were exploring through old ruins for part of a god-slaying weapon. We had 2 new players join us who decided the best route to go would be 'grab everything quickly before any other player'.

We tried to convince them otherwise, but they wouldn't listen. We eventually got to a throne room. One of them decided to sit in the throne, while the other grabbed a tapestry to rip it down. Boy were they surprised when the chair and tapestry attacked and a nearby pile of rubble came to life. Yep. Animated objects. That was a fun battle. Especially after the third time the pile attacked and rolled a one. It fell apart.
Dota 2 15th Feb 2013, 2:22 PM We need some heros edit delete reply
AmberAlice 15th Feb 2013, 5:18 PM edit delete reply
Hey ya'll. Been reading for a while now and this is my first post. But given the topic, I couldn't resist. STORY TIME.
So I was in a campaign in a world that was alignment themed. As in there was a lawful town, chaotic town and so on. At the time I was playing a rouge (who wanted to be a pirate) and my friend was playing a ninja, part of a party of 6.
Now the ninja friend is what I would call a weird gatherer. He would take the most RANDOM things on our missions- it was sort of his thing. In this case...
We are in the lawful town, going through a sort of 'fun house' when we enter an upside down room with stuff fixed on the ceiling. My ninja friend decides he wants a table. The table happened to have a glass of milk on it.
He manages to get the thing off the ceiling and it smacks the ground. Suddenly milk comes out of nowhere. Turns out the table was enchanted so that anything encountered with the top of the table would fill up with milk.
Basically we filled up this WHOLE funhouse (which connected to the court house btw) caused chaos and somehow my ninja friend managed to take the table with us anyway.

It turned out to be useful when we made a skeleton and enlarged it with the milk.
guest 16th Feb 2013, 9:45 PM guest edit delete reply
Party was fighting a "all powerful necromancer" and had just renderd him magicless due to a arrow of DMs owm design that was made of "deplted sunstone" im subing for the party striker and after the druid stone shapes the mages hands into the ground i loot him while hes still alive.
comence the Dm stareing at me in shock, as the mage (and his eqitment on him) were to dissaper upon his death, for a good 4 minutes then saying that hes never had someone do that before.
cue the Dm giveing the ranger im playing for the sum carried eqitment of a 35 Lv sorccer at Lv 4 in 3 nice bages of holding
Astartus 24th Feb 2013, 4:27 PM edit delete reply
Had my Shadowrun crew break into a high-ranking member of the Tir Tairngire council once, and he had a small DRAGON lying in his basement, tied down, dissected, to show the players that this was an elf you don't play games with.
They cut the dragon to pieces, dragged it off and cancelled the run to sell the dragon body parts to alchemists. So much for that...
Norakos 8th Mar 2013, 6:33 PM edit delete reply
So we had to scout out a brothel/inn because one of our leads was holed up in one of the penthouse suites. We went in at different intervals, the cleric and drow rogue first, then the tank and myself and finally the sorcerer last. The cleric just surrounded himself with girls and the drow kept getting hit on (my friend was playing a chick). I was an alcoholic half-elf and kept eyeing the bartenders back room, going so far as to ask him about it. The tank went about talking to everybody looking for information. Well this went on for about ten or so minutes before we learned where we had to go next. So the drow made a diversion by casting fairie fire on the guy's pants who had been hitting on her. I took the opportunity to sneak into the back room and loot the shit out of it. I had a wandbracer and a wand of summon monster II and called forth an octopus. The DM didnt care that it was an aquatic creature, he was laughing to hard at a thieving octopus. So once I had looted the back room I found a door that led downstairs that had the good stuff. I left the one octopus there and summoned three more and we cleaned out the cellar. I heard the shop keeper come downstairs and cast a quick invisibility spell (wandbracer). I snuck out and we ran upstairs to get our info. Once leaving, the bouncer followed us upstairs but I managed to get the jump on him, summoned ANOTHER octopus over top of him so it got a free grapple attempt. Octi rolled a nat 20, the bouncer rolled a 1. Best. Session. Ever!
Shadestar 28th Mar 2013, 8:31 PM edit delete reply
Great moment that my charisma shined. We were scheming with this old prison warden about taking down the government, but then the government stormed the place. I managed to convince them that we were totally on the government's side the whole time, (31s will tend to convince anyone) and the warden got carted off to be executed. We essentially got our friend murdered and got off scott free, so the natural conclusion is to raid the mansion, stock up on his entire wine cellar, and rob the building blind. The lawful good monk really got pissed at us for that, though he was a drunken master and partook of the wine despite his protests.
The_Butcher 4th Apr 2013, 3:26 PM edit delete reply
My campaign began in a shop with two adventure parties fighting over the last "Collapsable Magic Indestructable 20 foot sturdy copper pole," Basically a lightning rod. The combined party fought through a terrible Lightning trap filled Dungeon, where every disarmed/destroyed trap or broken down door REGENERATES, making backtracking a horror. Where everything zaps you three ways to death and only vermin without loot lives. All loot was from fried adventurer corpses. Everything REGENERATES and spells don't need material components because the Tower is the Prison of/Powered by a Golden Dragon Thunder God. Then in the end they meet the shopkeep from the beginning who has an insulated 30 foot pole, goes through the dungeon regularly harvesting the trap components and gold fixtures as well as the Magical Copper poles he keeps selling to idiotic adventurers. So to say stealing everything that was bolted down was the point.
TechUnadept 8th Jul 2013, 11:31 PM busy edit delete reply
Can't talk. Looting.
The Shadow Brony 21st Jun 2017, 11:59 PM edit delete reply
In one campaign, my party was exploring an abandoned manor, and noticed that a lot of the fixtures and paintings were intact and looked valuable. So me and the tank started stripping the place clean. We took paintings, silver door knobs, gold chandeliers, even the solid ivory bathtub. Stuffed everything into bags of holding and sold them for a huge profit when we got back to town.