Page 257 - The End Times

12th Mar 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
<<First Latest>>
The End Times
Average Rating: 5 (4 votes)
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Newbiespud 12th Mar 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
Become savvy enough, and sooner or later you'll find yourself saying, "Oh, great. It's one of these." Even when the character you're playing has never encountered the thing in question before.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Pat 12th Mar 2013, 6:04 AM edit delete reply
Derpmind 12th Mar 2013, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Oh, spectacular, another one.
Newbiespud 12th Mar 2013, 6:45 AM edit delete reply
I'm proud to say that, as far as this site goes, this kind of comment isn't too prevalent. It's been a very long time since I've been legitimately disappointed by a first comment.
darkwulf23 12th Mar 2013, 9:02 AM edit delete reply
You have brought shame to our page Pat. We shall now shun you till the next post.
Eyepoppee 12th Mar 2013, 12:20 PM edit delete reply
Shun the "first" commenter! Ssssssshhhhhuuuuuuunnnnn...
Innisa 12th Mar 2013, 2:05 PM edit delete reply
I am saddened. However, this may be the first time a "first" has been in the comments. So, I suppose that speaks volumes about the typical viewership. Oh Pat, why?
Cyberfox 12th Mar 2013, 4:39 PM edit delete reply

I suppose I won't ever truly understand why so many people get upset over "first" comments. I've heard the argument that they're a waste of people's time, but to see and ignore one takes all of what, half a second? I assure you, I myself am not a firster, but when I see a "first" comment, the only thing that makes me cringe is the reminder of all the negativity surrounding them, as well as the anticipation of the oncoming storm thereof.
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 8:40 PM edit delete reply
It's not that I'm complaining about them wasting space. I'm upset because it doesn't contribute. Tell me a story! Give me some inspiration! I just want to steal your original ideas and twist them slightly so I can present them as original!

Is that so wrong?
Parchment Scroll 13th Mar 2013, 2:11 AM edit delete reply
So... it's our first "first"...

Kind of meta there, if you think about it.
Guest 13th Mar 2013, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
So, it's the first first?
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 3:17 PM edit delete reply
Pat, pull your head out of your plothole and contribute. Don't just say first, or I will use my Raxon powers to punish your foolish heathen ways!

Actually contribute, even if it's as little as saying you really like Mr. Smartypants's mane. Go ahead and tell us how much you like his mane. Oh yes, it smells of lavender and pomegranate. It's soft and smooth as the calm waters of the mirror pool. His eyes drew my gaze, and time stood still in that moment. Those deep, sultry pools the color of blueberries send a come hither look beckoning to me from across the way. He had clearly gotten his seams touched up. cross stitch. He knew how that drove me wild.

Suddenly, in that instant, I knew. I would never leave him. I couldn't leave him if I wanted to. Ours was a love that spanned the endless nights of passion, and no laws, no small filly, could ever keep us apart. Never again would I be alone on the long, cold nights. I had found my soul mate.

I am comeuppance. I am the internet. I! AM! RULE THIRTY FOUR!
Calypso 12th Mar 2013, 7:17 PM edit delete reply
Raxon, that made me hungry. Blueberries with pomegranate and a hint of lavender... I can't wait for fresh fruit smoothies to be in season!
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 8:41 PM edit delete reply
Not even gonna comment on the idea of stealing a little filly's doll to seduce it?
The Guest 12th Mar 2013, 9:00 PM edit delete reply
I read your story Raxon, as if it was from Big Mac's POV. It was awesome. I can just picture it now...

It was late afternoon, that time we first met... Do you remember that day, my Macintosh? The way you rescued me from those three young foals? The way you fought for me as those other ponies attempted to take me for their own? Oh, how my stuffing ached with fear as I passed from hoof to hoof... I despaired at the thought of being parted from you. In the end, though, we were united. How tenderly you mended the tear I had gotten. That's when I knew for sure that we were meant to be. We now reap what our love has sewn.
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 9:18 PM edit delete reply
When a man writes a fanfic
Can't keep his hands on nothin' else.
He'd trade the world
To make it real for him.
If it is bad, he can't see it.
It can do no wrong.
Turn his back on his best girl
If she puts it down.
Walabio 13th Mar 2013, 12:05 AM ¡SmartyPants is a filly! edit delete reply
¡SmartyPants is a filly!
Random Number God 13th Mar 2013, 7:15 AM edit delete reply
Random Number God

A lynch mob starts chasing after you because THEY want the doll for themselves.
kriss1989 16th Mar 2013, 3:16 AM edit delete reply
Hi Rule 34! I'm rule 63!
DoubleCross 12th Mar 2013, 4:03 PM edit delete reply
I for one am actually impressed that with the sheer number of long posts we get on here, somebody actually had the guts to just post such a short, frank comment explaining exactly what they have achieved.

Such clarity is rarely come across.
Dusk Raven 12th Mar 2013, 6:04 AM edit delete reply
Tribble-Expies are that common in RPGs?
Digo 12th Mar 2013, 8:23 AM edit delete reply
They can be. I once had the party swimming chest-deep in oozes and jellies because every time you hit them with a non-magical weapon they split.

The saving grace was that hit points are also split, so once these things got down to 10hp a piece, the mage fireballed the room.
Theo 12th Mar 2013, 8:48 AM edit delete reply
"The DevTeam has arranged an automatic and savage punishment for pudding farming. It's called pudding farming."
Curubethion 12th Mar 2013, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
I can't believe I didn't pick up on the Tribble connection...

Also, loved Pinkie's reaction.
Digo 12th Mar 2013, 11:21 AM edit delete reply
Pinkie's reaction is the same as one of my players whenever the party finds a cursed item.
"Oooh, you got any more?"
JSchunx 12th Mar 2013, 2:32 PM edit delete reply
I daresay it's been said in past comment sections, but a "cursed" item is an invaluable weapon in sufficiently creative hands.

Heck, I imagine savvy D&D players have already figured out how they'd weaponize some Parasprites.

Actually, that doesn't really require much thought, just unload them in any city you don't like.
Froborr 12th Mar 2013, 2:48 PM edit delete reply
I'm reading Saberhagen's Empire of the East at the moment, and there is GREAT use of a cursed item in that--it's a magic stone that brings rain (awesome if, say, you're a farmer in the desert)... but every time it changes owners, a massive lightning bolt hits it and anyone near it.

The rebels start repeatedly tricking the BBEG's troops into stealing it...

There's also a companion item blessed so that no bindings or locks can hold the person who carries it. They toss it into the BBEG's keep... and as soon as someone inside picks it up, the locks on the gate can no longer keep them in--or keep the rebels out...
Digo 13th Mar 2013, 4:34 AM edit delete reply
"Hey it's a magic item!"


"HeY... iT's A cUrsEd mAgIC itEm..."
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 9:22 PM edit delete reply
Please examine this relevant and finely crafted link.
Giggle Tail 12th Mar 2013, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
Giggle Tail
Story time! Tell of your "oh no, not again" moments :P

My group seems to have those moments any time we encounter a "gaping maw." In the DM'S defense, apparently that phrase is used a lot in the monster manual.

Also, depending on the kind of mood we're all in, sometimes we have those moments just from having to roll initiative. This was especially true in our last session, when we tried to avoid combat but were forced into it anyway.

Oh, and I almost forgot, I plan to give my friends one of these when I get a chance to DM. I'm going to include my character from our fist campaign as an NPC. Given how he was the crazy eccentric of the group who always got a hard time, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see him again :P
Froborr 12th Mar 2013, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
I managed to trigger the greatest "Oh no, not again" moment *ever* in one of my players as he (thought he) figured out where the session was headed:

"Oh no... not *another* damn musical hive-mind."

One of my proudest moments as a GM.
Xander Cruize 12th Mar 2013, 9:21 AM edit delete reply
Apparently I have a tendency towards using packs of Displacer Beasts as an obstacle to any journey. And according to my players, I like to use the phrase "You notice something that couldn't actually be there" in regard to their showing up half-buried in trees or floating in the air.
Froborr 12th Mar 2013, 9:28 AM edit delete reply
I have been informed by one of my players that apparently my tendency to musical hiveminds is as nothing next to my tendency to turn *everything* Lovecraftian as the players' power levels increase.

In my defense, the Pokemon world was totally asking for it.
DanielLC 12th Mar 2013, 10:08 AM edit delete reply
Are you familiar with Pokethulhu?
Froborr 12th Mar 2013, 11:04 AM edit delete reply
I am.

But I did it first, and did it better.

(I did it long enough ago that Pokeblu factored in...)
Forest Flare 12th Mar 2013, 9:50 AM edit delete reply
Any time I'm the GM and I say the words "Boulder Trap" all the players immediately duck for cover. It doesn't even have to be a boulder trap, but its a way to let them know they're screwed in the upcoming parts of the dungeon (Or church, as in one session) that they're in. Also, seeing the looks on a new player's face when I say it is priceless.
terrycloth 12th Mar 2013, 10:41 AM edit delete reply
Mirror matches. I had six of them over the course of three months in various games, including one that took two sessions to play out because the GM made us play both sides and WOW does it take a lot of effort to kill off a party of level 30 4e characters.
FanOfMostEverything 12th Mar 2013, 10:51 AM edit delete reply
During our last session, one player went off on a tirade about how adventurers are always anathema to carefully laid plans. He did a little routine that went like this:

Obviously Evil Quest Giver: Yes, go and slay my enemies, to assure my victory.
PC: Yeah, well, now I'm gonna kill you.
OEQG: Wait, wha—*gurk*
PC: And now I'm gonna go kill that other guy you told me about and take his stuff too.
Player: And it happens EVERY TIME.

The best part? The party's currently on a quest slaying lawful evil creatures given to them by an antipaladin. And they don't know it.
Kynrasian 12th Mar 2013, 11:44 AM edit delete reply
My co-DM has made this really annoying enemy + hazard combination that does my head in something awful.

It's a rift which spawns undead, always accompanied by a very powerful undead who cannot be killed until the rift is closed. To make matters worse, more powerful undead can sacrifice the ones spawned by the rift to regain HP.

I think he knew he'd overcooked the idea when I was willing to drop my enchanted sword into one in order to make it to the arc's main antagonist before my HP went negative. He "suddenly remembered" that overuse makes the rift unstable and that it'd closed.

Or when our rogue's coinpurse got stolen by street urchins. That almost dragged on for too long.
Malroth 12th Mar 2013, 7:12 PM edit delete reply
Have the kings mentally ill brother be the creepy quest guy, they stab him just because he's "evil" and suddenly there's a 10,000,000 gp reward for their head on a plate
Innisa 12th Mar 2013, 2:07 PM edit delete reply
An, oh no not again moment.
Well, I was in a second run of a campaign (after the entire party managed to get killed off... please don't ask) and as we were entering the mine/dungeon again... we had to make some rolls. The DM laughed and the kobolds came out again. We defeated the first run of them, but called it a night. Next session, we will probably see if we can sneak by again and not get killed by Kobold Summoners and High Priests...
Jannard 12th Mar 2013, 7:30 PM edit delete reply
The infamous beastmen, from a story I already shared here.
Our DM had half-adapted a half-finished fantasy novel of his into D&D. It was filled with the characters from the novels, which meant people more important and plot-relevant than us all around, lots of railroading, and the BEASTMEN. Those overpowered elemental lieutenants could be basically anyone, 'cause they could manage to look like regular people. Of course, anyone who had read the novel could predict at least some of them, but it came to a point where any NPC that was presented to us was "surely another of those damn beastmen, and we will just sit and stare while he/she single-handedly defeats the dragon". Doesn't get worse than that.
Guest 12th Mar 2013, 6:18 AM edit delete reply
Looks like someone never watched Trouble with Tribbles.
Flashpoint 12th Mar 2013, 7:13 AM edit delete reply
There is one guy who used to play over at my house a lot, and there would be a lot of moments like this:

"I'm just gonna bring back Chofax"

"Oh god, not again..."

Chofax (read Koe-fax) was a rogue-ish human who knew how to speak infernal. His main weapon was a length of chain with extremely sharp barbs in each link. And he was EEEEEEEEVIIIILL. He was the leader in an evil campaign, in which they were being chased by a group of lawful good NPCs. The evil party entered a village early one morning, and Chofax had this brilliant defense mechanism to ward off the good guys. They exited the village a full 2 days later, everyone fully donned in what has been dubbed "baby-mail", armor made entirely from still living babies magically linked together. And then, before they truly left the village, they drowned the entire thing... In whale semen. I don't know how or why, but they did. Anytime Chofax comes back into a game, something is going to go absolutely, horribly, disturbingly wrong.
MirrorImage 12th Mar 2013, 7:24 AM edit delete reply
...Raxon, is that you?

No... that seems a little to depraved even for him.
Flashpoint 12th Mar 2013, 8:17 AM edit delete reply
Nah, Chofax wasn't something to laugh at, you just look at the things he did and shudder to think of them actually happening. He was just a tactful, merciless SoB. The first encounter I watched him do, he faked getting drunk in a tavern to make himself out to be a target for bandits. He then wandered down an alleyway, got ambushed by 4 of them, used his barbed chain to rip one of the bandits throats out, then used his stupid high intimidation to make the remaining 3 join him as mercs for extremely little pay.

He then proceeded to dump the dead bandit into the bay right in front of a town guard and asked him "You gonna do something or what?" The guard decided it was smarter to just turn and walk away, mumbling something about the damn wind.
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 3:16 PM edit delete reply
How dare you, sir!

Nothing is too depraved for me!
FanOfMostEverything 12th Mar 2013, 10:44 AM edit delete reply
The real question here is whether the players have ever encountered this fellow in a desert setting.

So, have they ever fought sandy Chofax?
Flashpoint 12th Mar 2013, 11:20 AM edit delete reply
As far as my knowledge goes, no. It's always been forests, valleys, plains, mountains, dungeons, and one instance where it was airships battling each other, in which Chofax leapt onto the enemy airship and proceeded to use his chain to fling enemies into the propeller to make the whole thing crash, and then after it was falling he had the wizard set it on fire for good measure.
darkwulf23 12th Mar 2013, 5:54 PM edit delete reply
So have they managed a final victory over their depraved nemesis?
Flashpoint 13th Mar 2013, 4:28 AM edit delete reply
Nemesis? What are you talking about? Chofax was an ally.
also a fan 13th Mar 2013, 5:26 AM edit delete reply
I believe one of Chofax's more disturbing attacks is when he rips a baby off his baby mail and throws it at you at high speed. Of course, he gives credit for this attack to its originators, Colossus and Wolverine. Yes, Sandy Chofax uses the Fastball Special.
Otto 12th Mar 2013, 7:15 AM edit delete reply
The DM does this more than the players, in our group. The Wizard uses Slumber of the Winter Court (inflicts a save ends effect that puts you to sleep if you fail the save) and then uses an Orb of Karmic Resonance (both the user and the target fail their next saving throws). This got so out of hand that we made it mandatory to actually fight it out, but it does still give the Barbarian an easy crit. The Barbarian can also trigger a similar reaction with seven words: "Oath of Enmity, then Storm of Blades". Three attacks with two rolls per attack leaves few survivors, the average damage at epic tier is around 250 if you know what you're doing. Absolutely destroys that solo with all the cool powers you were so excited to use.
JSchunx 12th Mar 2013, 2:43 PM edit delete reply
Players pride themselves on their ingenious strategems. As a DM, you can't simply say "That doesn't work, because I say so," nor is it sporting to engineer a situation where anything they attempt is totally fruitless. It's a fine balancing act between allowing them to exercise their power, especially when there's no logical reason they couldn't, and offering them a viable opponent.

It's especially vexing when you have a player who actively resents being reined in at all. One of my players, my older brother, absolutely hates it when my machinations don't turn in his favor. Thankfully he's so unlucky his dice do that for me, and his fury is instead vented at the d20 that just rolled under 10, 10 times in a row (which is a thing that actually happened!)
Destrustor 13th Mar 2013, 2:44 AM edit delete reply
There's nothing special about rolling like that. I do it all the time...

I'm actually suprised and happy when I roll above twelve more than once in ten rolls.
DamienLunas 12th Mar 2013, 7:19 AM edit delete reply
I threw something like this at my players once. It was a final fantasy game in which they encountered a mandragora variant called lycopodium. They were so stricken with how cute the monsters were, they allowed them to follow them around. They also cast regen on the party after battles, which helped their case a bit. However, every time they entered a new location/scene, or checked how many there were, another one would appear. The party allowed this to continue until they reached a grand total of 18. The only reason it stopped was because I figured that the teleporter they went through wouldn't accommodate all the lycopodium given its nature. The original idea was that eventually they'd attack one of them, leading them all to become hostile at once and swarm them. But of course, that never ended up happening.

As for their true nature, they were actually monsters from another dimension. Specifically, from an area populated by undead. Their casting of regen was actually attempt at killing the party after they were weakened!

Anyway... the moral of the story is that if you make these kinds of things cute enough, the party will allow to multiply to the point of insanity. They'll even take them into towns without so much as a second thought.
remial 12th Mar 2013, 7:28 AM edit delete reply
did the party ever find out that the critters were trying to kill them?
DamienLunas 12th Mar 2013, 8:00 AM edit delete reply
Not yet. The lycopodium are part of a group of monsters called "Rift Beasts", which appeared only a year ago when a crack in reality opened. They know very little about their origins, other than these monsters are always hostile. Despite this, they chose to trust them.

Also, I do hope that none of my players read this comic, as the campaign is still ongoing, and their origins are a bit of a spoiler!
Magnaliscious 12th Mar 2013, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
Well... you're screwed.
JSchunx 12th Mar 2013, 2:47 PM edit delete reply
I guess I'm glad I won't ever run that risk, since none of my players are Bronies. I could spoil all of my plot elements here and none of them would ever notice.

Though on the down side, none of them are Bronies, and ain't that a shame.
Knayt 12th Mar 2013, 10:26 PM edit delete reply
That's no guarantee. I can confirm the existence of several people who are not by any means Bronies who still read this comic, largely because they enjoyed DM of the Rings and/or Darths and Droids. I'm one of them.
remial 12th Mar 2013, 7:26 AM edit delete reply
I was in a game where the GM *LOVED* halflings. every important NPC (except the ancient dragon who used to babysit god back before god created the universe (and as a result, was more then a little insane)) was a halfling. and they all spoke in rhyme. it was like we were the bad kids in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

So naturally we did what any sand individual would do in that case.

We exterminated the entire halfling species.

We took his nicely crafted sandbox setting, and the plot where we were to try to forge peace between the Ogrespawn (ogres, ogre magi, orcs, trolls, goblins, etc.) and the civilized races, and completely ignored it.

I'm not saying it was easy.

and we succeeded in bringing the races together in peace, but not as was intended. even the Ogrespawn were horrified by what we were doing. but we didn't let that stop us.

and while we failed in killing every halfling in the world, we drove down their numbers to the point where they no longer had a stable breeding population.

we ended up destabilizing the ecosystem. turns out halflings were one of those base level species in this setting, like the bumblebee or algae. The gm said he hated us and would never game with us again.

now before anyone starts in on us for destroying the game just for fun, we DID ask him to make the halflings less annoying. he refused.

I say both parties were at fault for this one.
Cain 12th Mar 2013, 7:43 AM edit delete reply
I can't rhyme easily, so my group does not have to worry about that. The one halfling that even the PALADIN wanted to kill, or at least nearly die and then heal him, was named Charl. I think I mentioned him before on here, but he was a trickster. He had an infinite supply or smoke pellets and dealt 4d6+8 if he had been hidden the turn before. He taunted them when he attack and when he vanished.The party was VERY unhappy as they had been going without an extended rest for a few sessions. Now trying to imagine an entire race of rhyming Charls is really something I don't want to comprehend.
Flashpoint 12th Mar 2013, 12:34 PM edit delete reply
Question, were the rhymes super vague and cryptic hints that you had to decipher to figure out what you needed to do, or were they a bit more direct in what they were trying to convey? Cause I can totally understand the logic behind killing all of them if they were both rhyming and cryptic with what they had to say.
zimmerwald1915 12th Mar 2013, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
My GM in college had a thing for staging fights on top of conveyor belts. Sometimes they emptied into vats of acid, sometimes they were suspended over ridiculous drops, sometimes they were suspended over ridiculous drops during a hurricane...
CJT 12th Mar 2013, 9:16 PM edit delete reply
This is just begging to be adapted for that "Robo Rally" game. Conveyer belts, lasers, and environmental hazards galore.

Just declare that the robots are your mounts, and you have to make jousting rolls to successfully shove other robots around...
Digo 12th Mar 2013, 8:29 AM edit delete reply
Our current GM is pretty predictable. So whenever he says "This next part is going to scare you", the standard response we give is "Again?"

He also has a habit of recycling everything, so whenever we see a fairie dragon named reggie, we generally ignore it and derail the plot to move around that encounter. It's not that it's hard, it's that we don't like dealing with annoying NPCs that border on Mary Sue stats. :)
Lyntermas 12th Mar 2013, 9:54 AM edit delete reply
This is actually an interesting twist, similar to what made the Zecora arc less predictable: genre savviness.

The rest of the party know EXACTLY what's going on. They're going to try getting rid of it immediately. So the question is do they not believe that a one-man-band could POSSIBLY work, or does Pinkie not roll Streetwise until later in the session?
Digo 12th Mar 2013, 11:26 AM edit delete reply
It could become a "cat came back" situation that getting rid of them without a musical distraction is only temporary?
Demonu 12th Mar 2013, 3:12 PM edit delete reply
Until your DM becomes genre savvy enough to recognise the players being genre savvy enough and he/she starts using that against the players, making the DM Dangerously Genre Savvy...
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 3:35 PM edit delete reply
Pshaw. What you need is a DM who is savvy enough to know that his players are savvy about his own savvy nature.

savvy savvy savvy

I have a resource for this level or savvy.
MWS 12th Mar 2013, 4:08 PM edit delete reply
So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Digo 13th Mar 2013, 4:36 AM edit delete reply
Ohhh, excellent choice for a quite.
Digo 13th Mar 2013, 4:37 AM edit delete reply
Err, "Quote".
I've been typing under the influence of NyQuil.
Destrustor 14th Mar 2013, 5:58 AM edit delete reply
What's "NyQuol" ?!? ;)

WayraHyena 12th Mar 2013, 10:10 AM edit delete reply
Moments like this kinda make me really value that I don't have a thankless group of players. They recognize the work that goes into designing one of my games and they just try to have fun without pointing out every little flaw or obvious turn.

That said, I have had ONE jerk try over and over again to pull one of those "Oh, it's one of THESE" out on me, temporarily derailing the story for the other players so he could complain or argue, only to discover I was taking things in a different direction (he was the kind of player to point out EVERY flaw he saw without hesitation or care that he was getting in the way of the game for other players). Even when I see something coming, I personally never point it out to a DM because I feel like it just hampers the story and can ruin the event for someone who doesn't see it coming, plus it's just rude to the DM. Not saying some DM's don't deserve it, though, there will ALWAYS be some who do.
I was in a game with a beginner DM once and everything that happened was completely predictable, but I just kept it all to myself and tried to enjoy the game instead of messing it up for others by pointing out the obvious points, like of course they kidnapped the princess, and of course it was to get to her father so Big Bad could become king. Armies of demons and damned, noble ragtag bunch of heroes, you get the gist. Just because I've seen it once before doesn't mean I can't kick back and enjoy it.
JSchunx 12th Mar 2013, 2:56 PM edit delete reply
Wayra, I'm, glad there are players like you out there.

That said, I'm rather grateful for my nitpicking players, since more often than not, they'll also offer a viable alternative than the original explanation. They prefer believable stories and a fair dose of realism, and that's what I strive to offer them.
WayraHyena 13th Mar 2013, 11:47 AM edit delete reply
Oh yes, I am not against pointing out genuine flaws in a game. A little criticism can help to make you better, just so long as someone's not being toxic about it. For example, I am extremely forgetful. This is why by campaign's end I will have made normally between 30 to 50 pages of notes on my word documents about the game, but with that I can still be pretty forgetful. I'm in no way above criticism or being reminded of things, and I also don't have a problem with handing criticism out, I just try not to be hurtful or disruptive about it so I don't break the flow of the game for other people. After all, these games are about enjoying the adventure and the experience.

Also, I LOVE having players that enjoy realism in their games because I enjoy realism in mine as well. It sounds like you've got a group that you enjoy gaming with.
Flashpoint 12th Mar 2013, 11:13 AM edit delete reply
I'm also reminded of another "Not this again" scenario, but it was actually in game.

The heroes had actually encountered the main villain on multiple accounts, attempting to thwart whatever evil plan he was trying to go through with. I liked this guy because he was a truly evil kind of villain, who was just evil for the sake of being evil. This was probably the 8th or 9th time the party had confronted him, and it was the 3rd time that it was in his own base of operations. They busted open his door while his back was to it. The leader called out a challenge to him and the villain turned with this look of complete annoyance on his face and says "You've gotta be kidding me... Not this again! How the hell did you people even get in here? WE'RE UNDER THE FREAKING OCEAN FOR EVIL'S SAKE!"

He's also met with the heroes when he wasn't in the middle of some evil plot, which then he's just kind of a wise ass. At one point they found him at the edge of a forest with a small box next to him, and they confronted him with weapons drawn. One of the players shouted "Halt, villain. What vile scheme are you enacting now?" To which he sighs and said,

"Oh, of course it's you. Here we go again... Well if you're so inclined to know, I'm pressing flowers within books that I have in that box there. It's a hobby of mine. Why, is it a crime? Am I mercilessly slaughtering innocent plants? Does my foul presence offend the village children that are miles from here?"

I have never seen the players so confused.

One of them asks "So, you're not currently hunting for some evil relic that will summon forth demon spawn from the nether realms to destroy the world?"

"Eh, haven't found another relic like that in awhile. Though I'm sure that as soon as I manage to find one, you'll be the first to know. And then you'll hunt me down, break down ANOTHER door, kill all of my hired help, thwart my evil plans, destroy my base, and then I'll be right back out here collecting more flowers... Though I have been thinking of taking up drawing as a new hobby. I have always had a bit of an artistic side, you know?"

To this day, he is still my favorite villain ever.
Digo 12th Mar 2013, 11:28 AM edit delete reply
Hahaha, Good one. I like villains who are of the "punch clock" variety.
Flashpoint 12th Mar 2013, 11:44 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, he wasn't really even the MAJOR villain of most of the campaigns except in the first one. Now he's more of a re-occuring Bowser type villain, jumping in every now and then with a new evil scheme, sometimes providing the plot point needed for another major villain (evil demons, pissed off dragons, enraged spirits, etc.) to come in and take on the role. Then he just shrugs at the failure and says oh well and goes on about his life.
VonSchweetzRacing 12th Mar 2013, 4:42 PM Heh, okay... edit delete reply
Pressing flowers, Doctor Doofenschmirtz? Shall we send Agent P to fight you?
Flashpoint 13th Mar 2013, 5:09 AM edit delete reply
Actually, yeah, Doctor Doofen is a pretty good representation of this guy, except that for one, he's a wizard, and two, most of his plans involve some ancient relic of a lost civilization that is attached to a greater being with which he will command said greater being to tear the planet asunder without mercy. Most of these plans succeed up until the "command" part of it, and the thing he brought from another dimension just seems to go on about its rampage. The party sometimes wonders why the world is so full of all these ancient demon summoning relics
CJT 13th Mar 2013, 9:34 AM edit delete reply
Maybe there was a sale on them in the distant past?

There was a similar justification given for the ruined temple in the second half of the "Duel Nature" fic. Apparently, back then, it was considered _fashionable_ to build elaborate trap-filled temples when you had an artifact that you wanted to store securely.

It makes a disturbing amount of sense in context.
Basil 12th Mar 2013, 3:10 PM edit delete reply
In a game I played in, we had a moment like that every session or adventure. The DM was running a game where science ran rampant and we were the clean up crew. He had it set up so that he could put us into whatever movie or tv show idea he felt like putting us in and it was fantastic.

We went to a dinosaur infested island to rescue some people making a documentary. We took down a biker gang on a super soldier drug. We dealt with a car that had a murderous AI. We teamed up with a hyper-intelligent chimpanzee to take down a just as intelligent gorilla. There were a few others but the best was the Utopia adventure.

A small haven was taking in people off the streets and giving them a new chance at life. Everything was provided for them, food, housing, etc but people were also disappearing. We went in to investigate. Two players went in to become citizens undercover while the rest of us watched from afar and prepared for whatever we would have to do. The insiders sent us some things called Nutri-cakes that were not only free but in great supply. They were being handed out like mad and for free. One of the two undercovers ate one and felt strangely good after it so we had it tested.

The DM gave a list of its contents to the mad scientist player who was the closest thing we had to a doctor. We all looked at the list and it was almost all healthy things a body needs, plus minor traces of illegal drugs. That was less good and we went to get our people out now that we had proof.

Meanwhile, the two of them were captured and dragged off somewhere. They woke up locked in a cages. One could see almost nothing from his cage, but the other could see quite a bit. Here is something you should know. One of these two characters is mute and she was the one who could see things. The DM took her aside and when she came back she was very angry. She tried to mime things to the other player with her and he simply could not take a hint.

The next morning, we hit the city with a massive emp bomb my character cooked up in two hours due to rolling crits and went in to save them. The bomb knocked my character out due to setting it off by hand.

In the end, after a lot of running through underground installation the party members found the two in the cages along with several other prisoners. The mute character had seen a sign that was now revealed to all of us. Food Processing room. The list of Nutri-cake was not everything a body needed, it was everything a body was. Nutri-cakes are people. Thanks DM.
banjo2E 12th Mar 2013, 4:42 PM edit delete reply
I'm honestly kind of surprised you guys didn't notice the Soylent Green plot.
Malroth 13th Mar 2013, 1:03 PM edit delete reply
This would be one of the things that would ruin my suspension of disbelief. If every cell in the human body was converted into nutrients with 100% efficiency it would only provide enough nutrition for 25 meals, this would mean you'd have to kill 5% of the population per day, more if you are anticipating adding new members to the community. this would lead to death rates in excess of 80% every month well outside any possible area where the people would remain complacient and even if the drugs kept the population in line it would still be far too resource inefficient to justify giving away for free.
CJT 13th Mar 2013, 4:15 PM edit delete reply
This ruins the Matrix movies too (they'd be better off running a generator on whatever power source they were using to feed humans with, or using nonsapient farm critters if there was some chemical processing only biologicals could do).

Some of the auxiliary material proposed that this was just more misdirection, and they were actually using humans as processing elements to host the Matrix (and presumably to host AIs as well). That makes a _little_ more sense, even if it can still have holes poked in it.

Soylent RPG-wise, though, it'd depend on the campaign. If this is a Girl Genius-style mad science campaign, then violating the laws of physics is par for the course (that's part of what makes Sparks special). The "Genius: The Transgression" WoD extension worked similarly.
Destrustor 13th Mar 2013, 12:24 PM edit delete reply
Green sun, green sun,
Take my friends away.
I think it's okay,
'cause we'll meet again one day...
NoahTopHatz 12th Mar 2013, 6:36 PM edit delete reply
This is my first time commenting and I just want to say that this webcomic is very good and keep up the good work
Kitsune.Tales 12th Mar 2013, 7:18 PM edit delete reply
Hey all, long time lurker and this is probably my second post. I'm surprised no one here has dropped a tribble reference yet... I'm not much of a treckie, but I've heard about them quite a bit.
Kitsune.Tales 12th Mar 2013, 7:23 PM edit delete reply
While I'm posting, I should probably thank you, Spud! This webcomic has been nothing but fantastic since it's beginning, and you couldn't have a more supportive and entertaining crowd following it.

Also, Raxon. U cray cray~ Much love ^_^
Raxon 12th Mar 2013, 8:58 PM edit delete reply
Woohoo! I got a fangirl! Or fanboy! I could go either way.

I've heard of them! They're awesome! And I can pay them in hair and blood samples! Or I can bribe them with affection and attention. Or jedi knighthood.

They're like girlfriends... Or Cable. Except that you can train them to polish your knives and maintain your guns for you! They're also great for making snack runs and working the exercise bike generator when the power's out.
Random Number God 13th Mar 2013, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
Random Number God
*roll* You get too many fangirls and they start writing terrible romantic fanfiction shipping you and Superman...

Wait, that was supposed to be a BAD result for you...
Raxon 13th Mar 2013, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
I love fanfics! I've even written a few of my own!

Once upon a time, there was a horse named named comet, but then in the sixties, supergirl stole him away and banished supes from the fortress of solitude to make it their own little love nest.

(true story.)
Demonu 13th Mar 2013, 2:01 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, that was a rather disturbing comic.
The sixties were weird...
Raxon 13th Mar 2013, 7:20 PM edit delete reply
Considering the comics they've published, you cannot complain about the fanfic where my OC alicorn proceeds to visit ponyville and do everything better than anyone else, but only in her sleep. When she's awake, she's clumsy, easily confused, uncoordinated, and all around useless to anyone. It's a weird thing, and I hope I never publish it.
Mar Omara 12th Mar 2013, 7:20 PM edit delete reply
Happens every so often at our table. Sometimes you can't beat the classics, predictable though they may be.
Moonrush 12th Mar 2013, 8:26 PM edit delete reply
And this is why all my characters have stupidly high "genre savviness" points, when the GM isn't mean about you acknowledging they watched all of the original Star Trek the day before. Smothered five of the things and had the mage neuter the original out of chaotic neutral curiousity.

On an occasion less Tribble-oriented, basically the lights went out and when they came back on there were two of everyone. Our GM out-of-character promised none of us had to roleplay our evil clones (I'm the only one fond of Tomato In The Mirror endings, and only when they're not happening to me) so I masterfully, roleplaying with as few rolls as possible, identified all the real ones thanks to the backstory exposition we had three sessions ago.
Then I made out with the guy who keeps whining about my in-character diet (all foodstuffs give slightly different heal rates, and it's based on the present so we all have trademark favorite foods), leading to "Yeah, it's him. No clone would bother tasting that much like vanilla and butter." It's a very good thing he was being played by someone who doesn't hate me out of character, since I was low enough on health at the time getting punched might have done it for me.
KoshLovesYou 13th Mar 2013, 12:44 AM Character Knowledge vs Player Knowledge edit delete reply
It's super hard to distinguish character knowledge/personality from player knowledge/personality sometimes when it comes to this sort of stuff! I try to make a point working on that in games, though some sacrifice is always need to keep the game, yaknow, fun.
TheStratovarian 13th Mar 2013, 4:56 AM No jello pokes or pokes? edit delete reply
Really, I get the star trek pokes with these, and its a good one too. The little adorable munchers are a blast. Though the nature of fantasy brings me back to the slimes, and the gibbering mouther, one of the little, well, not so, given it can munch the unlucky sod that listens to the voices. Though hardly as cute as these things. Or gelatinous slimes, and if they get lucky for their future slimelings with a lucky adeventurer. And I think i've been here to long that the line i just wrote, mixes and creates the 50's/60's "daddy's home" style image in black and white with the bird feeding for younglings.

But for the parasprite, whats a 1hd, 22 charisma monster to do? Go forth and multiply, for the swarm!

Oh, newbiespud. May I link to a board game relevant to this arc?
Newbiespud 13th Mar 2013, 3:23 PM edit delete reply
Link away, sir or madam.
Raxon 13th Mar 2013, 7:24 PM edit delete reply
Really, spud, must you be so sexist? Not all of us feel the need to pick one or the other, you know.
Digo 14th Mar 2013, 4:33 AM edit delete reply
All of the above? Are you being greedy? ;)
Guest 14th Mar 2013, 10:59 AM edit delete reply
The fellow in question, has done in an arkham style board game, parasprite panic. sorry if it butchers it.
sunbeam 13th Mar 2013, 8:23 PM edit delete reply
I'm listening to a game on skype right now, and the DM just said, "OH, SH**..." And started to keep talking, but was suddenly cut off by the entire party talking over each other about defensive maneuvers. Wow.
Sidnoea 13th Mar 2013, 8:36 PM edit delete reply
sunbeam 13th Mar 2013, 8:49 PM edit delete reply
*slow clap*
Dugong 13th Mar 2013, 10:55 PM edit delete reply
Yay, Friendship is dragons has reached a new bit with comic 100000001! I probably should have congratulated on comic 10000000 too (Base 2 is best base).
Newbiespud 13th Mar 2013, 11:48 PM edit delete reply
Whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of this.