Page 264 - I Know You Know

28th Mar 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
<<First Latest>>
I Know You Know
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Newbiespud 28th Mar 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
I spent waaaay too long choosing the exact frame of Twilight's spit-take to use here. I hope it was worth it.

Story time! Tell a story in which you had to lie about who your friends really are.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



SecondSeraphim 28th Mar 2013, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
Wow! I refreshed by mistake and BAM new comic.
Gden 28th Mar 2013, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
Storytime boys and girls?
How about trying to follow someone while trying to keep up a facade to an NPC
SecondSeraphim 28th Mar 2013, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
Well darn. After going back and reading that comment I just posted I realized it sounds and awful lot like a "first" comment.
Ranubis 28th Mar 2013, 6:15 AM edit delete reply
No worries Second, as long as you don't say the dreaded f-word it's fine. Props for snagging the top comment.
Digo 28th Mar 2013, 8:19 AM edit delete reply
Filthy Rich?
Raxon 29th Mar 2013, 12:18 PM edit delete reply
The word is forst.

It is the unholy booze of the beast.
Raxon 28th Mar 2013, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
I empathize with the DM here. You are, after all, my cats, and I am your catherd.
darkwulf23 28th Mar 2013, 6:23 AM edit delete reply
Who made you catherder and why should we follow you?
Zuche 28th Mar 2013, 6:32 AM edit delete reply
Doctor Dimitri Vapnoople is the answer to your first question, darkwulf23, and the answer to your second is why the experiment was considered a failure.
TheWench 28th Mar 2013, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
Because they're cats! They're animals! They can't grasp complex concepts! Their attention span can be measured in microseconds! If Raxon can even get them to understand what he wants, they're completely gung-ho until they fall asleep or see something move! It was a moronic idea!

(First time commenting, and of course it has to be in response to a Girl Genius reference :D)
Zuche 29th Mar 2013, 12:46 PM edit delete reply
Welcome to the comments, TheWench.
Froborr 28th Mar 2013, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
My brain keeps interpreting that as a misspelling of "catheter," which is horrifying on too many levels to count.
Zuche 28th Mar 2013, 6:57 AM edit delete reply
Nah, the catheter isn't so bad if the person inserting is has been well trained. A stent tends to be less comfortable, and you'll even forget about having one of those in most of the time.
Digo 28th Mar 2013, 7:48 AM edit delete reply
**Breaks out a roll of duct tape**

"Stand back! All of you! No pony move and the dress doesn't get dander on it!"

**Back away slowly to the exit**
masterofgames 28th Mar 2013, 8:13 AM edit delete reply
Cats are fine. You can just sort of shoo them in the general direction you want them to go.

Herding LOLcats on the other hand, is a completely different story. They can hide anywhere. Their leader lives in the ceiling.
Raxon 28th Mar 2013, 10:46 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, if I had your catheter, you'd follow me without question, because I'd have a string tied to it. It'd be like leading a bull around by a string tied to the bull's nose. Except more horrifying. And a definite human rights violation. And most certainly a violation of the Hippocratic oath to do no harm. Possibly a war crime, if I forced you to fight for me.

Incidentally, I am familiar with foley catheters. I'm familiar with them because mean nurses use them as punishments, and are intentionally rough with them when they can be used as a form of retribution. As one who grew up in a medical environment, I am perfectly aware of how vindictive nurses can be, especially charge nurses, who take a lot of crap all day, and very rarely get any outlet for their frustrations on the job.
Digo 28th Mar 2013, 12:42 PM edit delete reply
That is why I make it a point to be kind to any nurse I work with. Last thing I need is trying to talk one down who is swinging a hammer at me.
darkwulf23 28th Mar 2013, 2:09 PM edit delete reply
Yea I've been in the medical field myself and I know that nurses can be a bit vindictive. But on behalf of the medical personnel everywhere I'll say this, chances are your nurse isn't trying to cause you undue pain, you're just being a complete pansy.
Raxon 28th Mar 2013, 2:21 PM edit delete reply
Oh no, I don't mean to say I've been on the receiving end of this. I've worked in the medical field, too, though only as a CNA/heavy lifter. They kinda have to be mean to get their job done.

I'm just saying that it doesn't matter if they weigh 95 lbs in a heavy coat and soaking wet, when a nurse get mad, really mad, they are the scariest person in the room. Scarier than the big guy in leather. If you want a friendly face, talk to the CNA or the doctor. You need an argumentative patient dealt with? Send the charge nurse.
Digo 29th Mar 2013, 6:48 AM edit delete reply
I hate needles, but I do try to throw humor in there with things like "If the blood comes out green, don't worry about it. I'll let the mothership know."
Gypsy Magic 29th Mar 2013, 4:11 PM edit delete reply
Yes, but this is Raxon with a catheter.
Raxon 29th Mar 2013, 8:52 PM edit delete reply
I do own one or two, just in case I need it.

Or I get that lonely feeling again.
Aegis Steadfast 28th Mar 2013, 1:45 PM edit delete reply
Aegis Steadfast
Screw that, if anyone needs me I'll be in the towel cupboard.
Raxon 28th Mar 2013, 2:04 PM edit delete reply
I recommend this strategy:

I have a wallet. It contains fifty bucks. I have this on hand at all times so that if I need to go to the ER, I can buy pizzas for all the staff as my way of thanking them for their hard work. It is my Emergency Room wallet.

This does two things. First, it cements that I am a good patient, and it convinces the staff to treat me with dignity, even if I am a little messed up and not thinking clearly.(Yes, there are people who get treated poorly because they appear to be users, simply because they have an altered mental state.)

Second, I've been on the receiving end of bad stuff before, and I appreciate kindness. I believe in paying kindness back fourfold. I will always buy the pizzas if I am ever admitted, because the ER is kind of a downer job, and the staff could use a little cheering up.
darkwulf23 28th Mar 2013, 6:17 PM edit delete reply
You are officially the coolest person in the ER.
Kaleopolitus 29th Mar 2013, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
Jeez, Raxon. Way to make the rest of everyone look bad.

Me? I never thought of treating them to food, but I did once before end up in the ER, and after I got out I bought a dozen or so toys and gave them to the staff, for use according to their discretion.
Zuche 28th Mar 2013, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
I have generally made a point of playing characters who have no idea who their associates really are. The other players are content to keep me in the dark as long as I continue to be useful, whether as the medic, the bait, or a combination of the two.
Malroth 29th Mar 2013, 1:17 PM edit delete reply
And what do you do when you know one party member is a shape shifting assasian
Sjosten 29th Mar 2013, 8:22 PM edit delete reply
Simple, pretend you don't. After all, pissing off a shapeshifting assassin is generally a bad idea.
Jackie 28th Mar 2013, 6:23 AM edit delete reply
I'm glad we're getting more characterization for Princess Celestia, reciprocal relationships with NPCs like between Twilight and Celestia always fascinate and bring a nuanced element to the game.
Walabio 28th Mar 2013, 6:27 AM I just found a free hour yesterday, so I watched Bev read the first 100 episodes. edit delete reply
I just found a free hour yesterday, so I watched Bev read the first 100 episodes. It was good.

As for lies in roleplaying, I find that it is bad to get caught in a lie. getting caught in lies is usually a bad thing to happen. ¿Does that mean that I tell every NPC everything about every member of our party? ¡Hell no! I disclose as little information about myself and our party as possible. My lies tend to be lies of omission. Unfortunately, this means that I do not have an interesting story to tell. Sorry.
Zuche 28th Mar 2013, 6:46 AM edit delete reply
My party seems to enjoy hearing my character get caught in a lie, as said characters tend to do it very, very badly. In answer to being challenged by guards on why she was wandering around a closed facility after hours, her answer was something like this:

"Bree was looking for a place to wash up and just got lost. Bree is certainly not here as part of a group of spies looking to discover what nefarious plots you people are brewing, nor do she and her associates --who are not hiding somewhere nearby, by the way-- know you are behind the series of kidnappings taking place in this town. Did Bree mention she is here entirely on her own?"

Nearly every time something like this happens, I usually wind up getting a good five minutes to keep up the monologue. I guess the villains find it entertaining too.
Lyntermas 28th Mar 2013, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Well, most of my stuff in Zilean's campaign is lying by omission.

"Well, the reason the bomb went off was because...a fire broke out in the catacombs."

"I regret to inform you that your brother was killed by the cultists. His body is...well, his armor is...see, the dire lioness went and...he's at peace now, that's the important thing."

"When I was acting as the villain in the play, I went off book a bit. I wanted to portray him as a powerful, smart tyrant instead of the caricature he is in the script. The saint was so far below my attentions, I couldn't be bothered to remember his name. Or give him mine. And knowing that his armor would deflect my attack, I intentionally missed him to knock down some of the surroundings. He wasn't worthy of a direct attack, anyway."

...Okay, so that last one was a complete lie.
CJT 28th Mar 2013, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
Heh. Your second quote works especially well: Withholding information by giving just enough that the recipient decides they really _don't_ want to know the rest of it.

For bonus points, come back later to find out what the rumour mill has filled in the blanks with.
Tatsurou 28th Mar 2013, 12:40 PM edit delete reply
Zuche, a situation like that happened in a campaign once for me. I was controlling a character who spoke in third person, and almost that exact scenario happened. THen I aced my bluff check with a nat20.

The result:
Guard Captain: Guards, search. This Rune could be dangerous. Try and find him and his associates. Young man, thanks for the tip. Don't worry, we'll catch the bastards who intimidated you into this.
Rune: Of course.
Guard Captain: Come inside, we'll protect you.
Rune: Thanks. Rune is quite frightening.
GC: We'll keep that in mind. Don't worry, we'll catch them. Any idea where they are?
Rune: *points in random direction away from the rest of the group* That way...maybe?

The entire guard unit went in a random direction while the Captain escorted Rune into the stronghold in the most secure location for 'safety'. Rune then completed the mission and walked out, with the Guard Captain acting as personal escort.
JSchunx 28th Mar 2013, 11:46 PM edit delete reply
My group's most interesting lies came from my cousin, who left our group years ago. He played a character named Berzasperd, who had a tendancy toward maxing out his bluff skill. He was also a Sorcerer.

He learned the Polymorph Self spell, and the Otyugh being his abosulte favorite monster, he promptly polymorphed himself into an Otyugh and walked out into the streets. Cue a very panicked populace and a rather disconcerted bunch of guards. Now, he managed to start talking before they started stabbing, but the first thing out of his mouth was something along the lines of "Wait, guys! I'm not actually an Otyugh!".

Of course, that's not actually a lie, but I consider the bluff skill's true purpose to be "to convince another person the truth of your words". And since he gave forth no information regarding him being a mage, or really, anything even remotely convincing, I ruled the attempt as an automatic failure. However, they were thrown off just enough that he was able to convince them to simply escort him out of the city (since he hadn't actually broken any laws) rather than simply killing him.

Then he met some Drow in a cave outside the city, and managed to convince them that he was their contact, disguised with magic, to help them infiltrate the city.
Zuche 29th Mar 2013, 7:09 AM edit delete reply
You handle success better than I do, Tatsurou. Well done.
Spin 28th Mar 2013, 6:36 AM edit delete reply
I played an Neutral Evil Assasian and he managed to convince the party members and several NPC's that he was actually just a travelling actor
Destrustor 28th Mar 2013, 6:46 AM edit delete reply
Kenild and Arthur.
It was an evil campaign, where I played the "wizard of mass destruction" I mentionned a few times around here. The bad guy(our boss), Kenild, was a bit of a duplicitous mastermind, seeing as he was also Arthur, leader of the forces of good.
He did this by basically having a split personality(to fool alignment detection). Kenild knew about Arthur, but Arthur had no idea he was also Kenild. He could switch at will between both by simply taking off his evil overlord helmet(or putting it back on).
So we were usually hanging around both of them, working for evil conquest while posing as good guys(Arthur's bodyguards) at times. Two of us are even official eagle knights(the good guys' flying cavalry) while also being Kenild's war-wizard\artillery and his master assassin, respectively.
I even once got to play Kenild's role in a huge semi-staged fight against Arthur to make things more convincing, complete with the patented "sudden bad guy escape at the last second" trope.

The whole game is full of lies.

And explosions. Don't forget the explosions. My character really likes explosions.
Digo 28th Mar 2013, 8:21 AM edit delete reply
Explosions are awesome!
Destrustor 28th Mar 2013, 8:40 AM edit delete reply
His children are called Noisolpxe, Noitsubmoc and Noitargalfed.

He really, really likes explosions...
Digo 28th Mar 2013, 12:43 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, but I bet his kids hate their names XD
Destrustor 28th Mar 2013, 1:38 PM edit delete reply
Oh no, he raised them to be just as thrilled about blasts as him. Their mother agrees as well.

Besides, having a backwards name is standard for this family(It's also the group's naming theme for this game, our characters' names are our own backwards), so they'd be pretty amused by their names.

Anyway, Noitargalfed is an awesome name for a dragon. Oh yeah, they're all magma dragons. Immunity to fire and a passion for fiery destruction means I can just fireball my kids for the entire family's entertainment.
Froborr 28th Mar 2013, 6:47 AM edit delete reply
So I personally don't recall a time I had to lie about who my friends were, but I do have a story about other players doing it. In my Slayers d20 campaign, one of the party members was "secretly" a dragon disguised as a human. I say "secretly" because the player was REALLY BAD at remembering it was supposed to be a secret, so every other party member (except one) figured it out. The remaining party member thought he was crazy and just thought he was a dragon.

For most of the campaign, you had this one player blundering around, constantly forgetting that he shouldn't do things like fire breath-weapons when in human form and people are watching, and the rest of the party desperately trying to cover for him, make excuses, etc...

Did I mention that, except for the secretly a dragon part, he was an Indiana Jones expy?

...It was a weird campaign.
Zuche 28th Mar 2013, 7:11 AM edit delete reply
Well, sure, if it was based on the Slayers series. It's amusing to see a dragon trample so blithely over Xellos' catchphrase "motto".
guy 7th May 2014, 8:35 PM edit delete reply
That's a secret!
Ouroborus 28th Mar 2013, 6:48 AM edit delete reply
Never assume an NPC knows something. Very dangerous mistake to make. Almost as bad as metagaming a monster's weakness, only to find the GM's worlds is different or worse, they anticipated that and changed/removed it to up the ante/encourage in-game research.
CJT 28th Mar 2013, 10:37 AM edit delete reply
The stock punchline for that is, "I never knew squirrels had 300 MDC and a breath weapon...".

That said, it'll be tempting to bring the Cuccoo Revenge Squad in if I have run a humour campaign.
tuxgeo 28th Mar 2013, 8:47 PM edit delete reply
Re: 'The stock punchline for that is, "I never knew squirrels had 300 MDC and a breath weapon...".'

"MDC"? -- Maximum Damage Capacity? Miami Dade College? Murfreesboro Dermatology Clinic? Manatee Diagnostic Center? Movement for Democratic Change?

Throw me a bone here. (Clearly, Googling for the answer isn't helping.)
Spyer Flyer 29th Mar 2013, 5:53 PM Google-Fu edit delete reply
Your Google-Fu is weak grasspopper....

Ok, so I found the answer by searching for '<something> MDC' and got a hit on 'dragon MDC' further down the Google results page.

The final answer? @CJT is using the 'Rifts' role playing system.
CJT 29th Mar 2013, 8:24 PM edit delete reply
"Mega-Damage Capacity", used by several variants of the Palladium system (including Rifts, their Robotech game, and probably several others).

A door, a person, and a bullet-proof vest are all objects with _SDC_ (Structural Damage Capacity). They can be damaged by anything else that does SDC damage (knives, punching, small arms fire).

Objects built to be tough, like main battle tanks, have MDC instead of SDC. You can punch a tank as much as you like, or fire a pistol at it as much as you like, and it will remain undamaged. To damage it, you need weapons capable of doing MDC.

Mixing the two scales can get awkward. MDC weapons (like tank guns and artillery) either auto-destroy any SDC structure they're fired at, or do (MDC * 100) SDC to it. Most of the time, SDC weapons do nothing against MDC structures (even if they do triple-digit SDC), but some variants of the rules say that you divide the one-shot damage by 100 and round down to get the MDC done by an excessively-powerful SDC weapon.

Overall, the system is clunkier and more complicated than it needs to be, and Rifts in particular was a textbook case of "power creep" from supplement to supplement, but the settings were still interesting to read about.

And the idea of a squirrel with armour comparable to a navy cruiser is hilarious.
Zuche 28th Mar 2013, 7:13 AM edit delete reply
Oh, and the spit-take panel? Definitely worth it. Thanks, Newbiespud.
Demonu 28th Mar 2013, 7:46 AM edit delete reply
I once played a character with the flaw of always having to speak the truth. Of course, I got around that with the notion that 50% of the truth is still considered to be truth. It made for some clever use of dialogue and double meaning.
(if you ever saw Liar Liar, you get the idea)

The situation is that my party had just slain a meddlesome aristocrat in the middle of the night. But due to the mansion being booby-trapped and us taking a different exit route, it took us longer to get out than to get in. We had snuck in at 4am but with all the delays, it was now 6.30am and the sun was beginning to rise. While the party's rogue was busy disabling the traps, I was positioned as the look-out. Just my luck, 2 guardsmen turn the corner and I have no place to hide. Fortunately, I had high charisma and my attire made me sort of resemble the residential astronomer so I decided to go for it.

Guard: "Halt! State your business."
Me: "I was on the look-out for you actually."
Guard: "And why's that?"
Me: "Your master, the lord of this mansion, was attacked last night."
Guard: "Attacked? Quick, we need to sound the alarm and find a medic."
Me: "Don't bother with that last one. I checked, he's dead."
Guard: "Dead? Any indication who did it?" (the aristocrat had many enemies so a political assassination wasn't that farfetched but that wasn't our reason)
Me: "Well, going by the look of things, the wounds on his body indicate that he has been stabbed thrice in the chest. The chavings on his wrists and ankles mean that he was held down by two others. There are also traces of magic in the air so we can assume that a magic user was also involved. No alarms were triggered so one must be a skillful rogue. The state of the bed shows that your master must have struggled at first so holding him down must have took considerable force. So those holding the wrists and ankles must have been strong people. I reckon 2 men, both used to brawling and fighting. I believe we're looking at a party of 4 assassins, each one specialized in some way to work together as a well oiled machine. Your master didn't stand a chance."
Guard: "You seem to know an awful lot regarding this matter."
Me: "I deal with these things on a fairly regular basis. But what are you standing around here for? There are still four killers on the loose."
Guard: "Right, let's go sound the alarm and round up the troops."

They turn around and I fireball them to death.

Me: "I told you we were specialized"
GM: "Quit it with the Bond one-liners, will you?"
smashbro 28th Mar 2013, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
I was playing a fantasy roleplaying game with four friends, and in our party of 4, one of us was captured and replaced with a changling. Of course, the guy who is terrible at lying games like mafia and that sort of thing. Me. My goal is to kill the party. We have an illusionist/nercromancer who has doubles to protect herself, explodey guy with a boomerang, a bit of a rogue/trickster and me, the tank who wanted to talk with goblins instead of fighting, is apparently "uncivilized" and wears only a loincloth -_-

Anyway, we go through the adventure, I'm thinking illusionist is most dangerous to let live, and I thought explodey knew it was me.

We come into combat a couple times, but I wasn't confident enough to attack then, cause I probably wouldn't survive and I kinda wanted to actually kill the party. We eventually find a helmet that will reveal if someone is a changeling. If they aren't a changeling, it controls them. We put it on one of the illusionist's copies, and the copy disappears soon after, so again no chance for any combat there.

Nighttime. We go on watch in shifts. I plan on going after the illusionist cause of her low HP and her having lots of strong abilities, and I would be able to take her out in one round. Then she shows me her abilities. 2/5 are Dodge, which means she won't take damage from two attacks, and could wake the others and prepare herself. Otherwise, I could have easily killed her in one round. So I can't do it then.

Everyone wakes up, and after traveling some more, we eventually end where the changeling queen comes out, explains that they are attacking the country because they are discriminating/murdering changelings. This country also wanted to send us (the players, now pretty much the A-Team) to prison for life for knowing too much about the changelings. So the players say, heck, why not join the changelings? I reveal myself, and my actual character is brought out and we're off on adventures again.

In the end, the players said that only the illusionist knew it was me, cause I was acting so out of character, and she's the only one who noticed. As a tank, I had been playing as sacrifice all for the party. Heck, I died in a combat room because no one else was helping much. (you basically got two lives in that version of the game) I appear outside of the locked door to the room, charge in again, and go from 35 to 5 HP before combat is over. Losing that much HP would kill any other character. In this adventure, as a changeling, I asked the illusionist to send her copies so I wouldn't get hurt a couple times. Heck, if I wasn't a changeling, I probably would have unarmed myself, chosen crappy abilities for myself, and then put the helmet on to prove I was innocent. So I kinda screwed up, but I felt like I couldn't lose the HP. Somehow I fooled the other two, which is better than I thought I would do. Ehh, I'll know what to do for next time.

Come to think of it, I missed a golden opportunity to snark about the group as a changeling. That's a little sad.
Digo 28th Mar 2013, 8:11 AM edit delete reply
Scene: The team of S.H.I.E.L.D. super heroes picked up an alien catgirl after the alien armed a group of homeless people with advanced energy weapons to take down a gang in Miami (The alien assumed that overpasses were their "houses").

The group gets caught by Cadmus because energy weapons in the hands of a bunch of hobos was a Very Bad Idea. Here, Cadmus is a government department that keeps tabs on all super powered people, regardless of their affiliation.
They also have a grudge against S.H.I.E.L.D.

The agents were Firefly (flying energy-blaster), Vanessa (female Wolverine expy), and Superjoe (bionic man expy). The alien they found was Ovelia, an intergalactic bounty hunter who tracked a dangerous killer to Earth.

The scene as it happened--
Cadmus Agent: "You S.H.I.E.L.D. agents have a lot of explaining to do on why we have 13 critically injured teenagers and another 6 nearly dead hobos armed with lasers."

Firefly: "Uh well, see we 'think' what happened was that the hobos got ahold of military weapons from a Lexcorp truck that broke down over their overpass."

Cadmus Agent: "Our records don't show Lexcorp was delivering anything to the army base."

Vanessa: "Which is generally how Lexcorp delivers weapons, right?"

Cadmus Agent: "...okay and what about this alien that was with you? Harboring creatures from other worlds is against even S.H.I.E.L.D. policy."

Firefly: "Ovelia? We don't know her. She's just a furry cosplayer that got caught up in this mess."

Cadmus Agent: "What?"

Superjoe: "Foreign furry cosplayer. Doesn't speak a lick of english."

Ovelia: "But I speak some-"

Superjoe: "Shut up or I send you back to mother Russia!"

Cadmus Agent: "I'm pretty sure you're all BSing me."

Vanessa: "Fine, you wanna look up her skirt? I bet you five bucks you'll find a lawsuit before you find tentacles."

Cadmus Agent: "..."

The team managed to delay him long enough for his superior to call him up. During the call the team escaped back to Fury's helicarrier to brief him on acquiring our new "Russian Cosplayer" friend. XD
TheStratovarian 28th Mar 2013, 8:18 AM edit delete reply
You know, given what was tossed in here. Im almost wondering if newbiespud isn't going to do two different adventures paired, the rarity/applejack sleepover episode and storm of the century aspect as a cause to the tree going down, with the division here as the trust issue that arises. Leading into a reversal when applejack stepped away, i forget the name in question for that episode.

The diamond dog bit, before seems almost a kind of red herring, though i hear pink is really good with a little grain of salt. Just a dash of oil, and bam!

Still, eh, likely wrong, but lying on the nature of situations. I've never done that. From 2nd edition to 4th, not one character of mine has lied. It just, causes friction. Beyond that it leads to trouble when the dm records your words to keep you on your toes. Its just easier to say the truth, but little gender neutral words that have multiple meanings and nuances that mean you say nothing at all.
Lyntermas 28th Mar 2013, 9:18 AM edit delete reply
Alt-script time!

DM: Rarity, you make your way to the boutique. You find Sapphire Shores, a pop singer, inside waiting for you.
RY: Ah, I must say I wasn't expecting someone of your status to be my client.
SS: Well, nopony suspects the celebrity. The public seems think that all we do is party all the time. So, I heard you found a new method of smuggling gems?
RY: Yes, here it is. Behold! The gems on this suit are easily worth a small fortune. And you can simply say that it's one of the costumes for your show.
SS: Hmm. Innovative and clever. I'll take it. And five more like it.
RY: ...Beg pardon?
SS: If I'm going to claim it's a costume for my show, I'll need several for "costume changes." Besides, a rouge of my caliber only works with LARGE transactions. But if you're not ready for the big leagues...
RY: No no, I...completely understand. I'll, uh, just have those for you in a few weeks.
SS: Three days. And remember, if you pull this off, I can open many doors for you in the black market. Otherwise...well, maybe stealing purses from old ladies is more of your "speed".
RY: ...It. Is. ON.
McBehrer 28th Mar 2013, 10:05 AM edit delete reply

Oh, boy. I was playing pathfinder with some friends, and one of them was a Dhampir; basically a half-vampire. The town we were in had a huge grudge against the undead and necromancy, so we had to disguise him.

... or we could have. He rolled a natural 20 on his first bluff check, so all he had to do was wave his hand and say "I'm not a vampire" and everyone let him go.
Philadelphus 28th Mar 2013, 10:58 AM edit delete reply
Well, if you count "lying about your friends" to include "lying about the entire party's mission"...

So, my first game of Pony Tales with Pony Team Bravo. We're on a mission to get to a changeling hive in the desert for story reasons. So we go to Appleloosa, which is the closest place on the map. First things first, we set out to requisition a cart to carry all the supplies we'll need.

So we pick a random pony walking by with a cart and ask to rent it. Except, I somehow (OOC) missed the renting part, and thought we were trying to flat-out buy it, which made the next part a bit confusing as I wondered why in Equestria the guy was so attached to his cart.

Anyway, someone asks if we can rent the cart. He asks why we want it. Not wanting to reveal our true mission just yet, I make up a story about the group being sent by Princess Celestia to investigate new plants, which I came up with because my character was actually a minor gardener in the Royal Canterlot Gardens before starting the adventure.

Then I roll pathetically on my Persuasion check. The guy doesn't believe me, asking what kind of plants there are in a desert. I bluff something about pebble plants, roll bad again. Still doesn't believe me. Finally, I think I got fed up and pretty much came out and told him what we were doing, but rolled bad again and couldn't even convince him of the truth, which I found hilarious.

Of course, it was as a direct result of this that our Laughter party member actually used it, and...yeah. That was the first time we leveled Appleloosa. And then had to run off into the desert to escape the lynch mob of villagers without any provisions at all.
Hayatecooper 28th Mar 2013, 4:03 PM edit delete reply
Ooh! Lies in PTB?


Mouse is entirely a lie. I managed, for 15 session to convince the rest of the party I was a harmless Earth Pony rouge/traveling trades pony.

I was in fact a changeling traveling with them to bring them back to my queen as an apology sacrifice for getting the rest of my scouting squad killed by Griffons.

Oh and that one time I told Lighting "Close your eyes you'll be fine" before we got bashed over the head by Changelings.

Or the time I swore blind I didn't steal the map of a town in front of my team members.

Or the time I betrayed the party after saying I wouldn't do it again. I told Celestia not letting me take Kitten to the final boss was a bad idea, but did she listen? No! She never listens.
Bronymous 28th Mar 2013, 12:49 PM edit delete reply
There was the one campaign where I made a deal with the bad guy for more power, in exchange for his cooperation. All I had to do was betray the party when the plan was put into action, and I was "Pinkie Promised" into doing so.

We never actually got around to it, but I had been planning a heroic doublecross at the end, which hinged on the essential detail that the "Pinkie Promise" had never technically been made. It would have been cool.
McBehrer 28th Mar 2013, 2:23 PM edit delete reply
how would that have worked, exactly?
Bronymous 4th Apr 2013, 12:23 PM edit delete reply
Simply, but effectively. in teh private conversation, neither the DM nor myself made any indication that the deal I made was, in fact, Pinkie Promised. While it may have been inferred, any transcript would prove that I was never put under the Pinkie Promise, and was free to act as i saw fit. So when the time came that the NPC gave teh kill order against the rest of the party, all I had to do was use the incredible chaos power I had been building that game to kill him instead.

Then, in the inevitable argument about it afterwards, one of two things would happen: 1, I would solidly prove, I was not PPd, and would get away with it, saving the day (or becoming the new big bad, potentially). 2, the DM would overrule the technicality, in which case I get to go out like a hero regardless.
miscellany 28th Mar 2013, 1:52 PM edit delete reply
Exalted; my character was the moneybags of the group. Our player with poor impulse control mutates wings in the Wyld, so when we have to take him somewhere to get fixed, we just told people he was my nephew.
Ace the Eagle 28th Mar 2013, 2:51 PM edit delete reply
Would anyone kill me if I did a pony RPG?
Cause I have an epic campaign. How is 5 headed hydra attacking cloudsdale?
NeutralDemon 28th Mar 2013, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
Everyone would have to be a pegasus or have a cloudwalking spell. This sounds like something for a high level party.
Jason Shadow 28th Mar 2013, 6:13 PM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow
...How does the hydra even reach Cloudsdale?
Raxon 28th Mar 2013, 9:03 PM edit delete reply
By training under the close tutelage of Pony Jordan?
Destrustor 29th Mar 2013, 2:13 AM edit delete reply
By learning the magic of friendship and becoming an amazing alicorn princess!

Now imagine the entire coronation episode remade with a roaring, trashing hydra in place of Twilight.
Tatsurou 29th Mar 2013, 9:24 PM edit delete reply
Insensitive joke approaching:
So, Destrustor, you're saying we should imagine what the coronation would have been like if it happened on Twilight's period?
Or, given some of the crazy fanfiction I've seen, during her heat cycle?
Ace the Eagle 29th Mar 2013, 2:19 PM edit delete reply
Or by standing on a mountain and having its heads reach through the clouds.
MinkofSnow 29th Mar 2013, 2:21 PM edit delete reply
The last time we had a hydra I froze it into a statue. And then everyone smashed it into pieces. And I don't see why I couldn't gust melt it with acid.
Akouma 28th Mar 2013, 4:04 PM edit delete reply
My Wednesday game has a character who has two souls occupying his body. Unless you're a species that's SUPPOSED to be that way (he's human), that's incredibly illegal because the law doesn't distinguish between putting your soul in a new flesh body and putting your soul in a "now-that's-just-not-fair-to-the-other-kids" construct body of mass destruction. The rest of the party covers it up whenever it would become a problem until he fixes it. It's unlikely to BE fixed before the last session, though, since his incredible skill with a crossbow comes from the soul that's renting a room, not the one that owns the place.
Fatch 28th Mar 2013, 5:29 PM edit delete reply
Ha, caught up. I'm enjoying this quite a bit, I must admit. Keep it up!
And here's hoping I can join story time in the future. I missed out on some good ones earlier.
Destrustor 28th Mar 2013, 6:21 PM edit delete reply
Why not throw one out right now? One story of your choice, free topic!
Newcommenter special!
Fatch 1st Apr 2013, 10:39 AM edit delete reply
Eh... I think I'll just hold onto them. I'm waiting on the 'Tell a story about using something that's not meant to be a weapon as a weapon'
DMs Choice 29th Mar 2013, 3:22 AM edit delete reply
Hm, no story about that myself, for in general it's MY characters the others are forced to lie about. :D
Anponymous 29th Mar 2013, 11:22 AM edit delete reply
>Tell a story in which you had to lie about who your friends really are.

Just between me, you and the whole f*ing internet:
I don't have any friends anymore. And I'm not even sad about it.
Sjosten 29th Mar 2013, 8:47 PM edit delete reply
But, how will you learn the magic of Friendship?
Mooncalf 29th Mar 2013, 3:29 PM edit delete reply
There was that time when our party consisted of a succubus and an imp, teamed up against all sense and wandering the Prime Material Plane looking for fun and adventure. We masqueraded as a spellcaster and her familiar when we weren't conducting "business" (i.e. leveling towns and clearing out temples).

Lying to the party, though? There was a Planescape campaign where I played a good tiefling bard who was the team leader by dint of being the only one with a clue. I made good use of a Hat of Disguise, mostly as an unlimited wardrobe but a few conventional gambits as well.

And I kept secrets. Plenty of them. Why? Because we had a party member who pissed me off. A ranger whose player had some idea that adventuring parties had to be these tightly-knit groups of friends who share everything and aren't allowed to keep secrets, to the point that he tried to listen in on private conversations he wasn't there for and expected me to tell him everything I knew about everything. Despite us having known each other only a few days.

To whit, the guy chewed me out three times for keeping information from him. Specifically, that the druid could turn into a hawk (I only knew that because I'd seen him transform five minutes earlier), that my mom was a wizard (he'd met her, so he should've known) and that our latest party member, whom he'd pissed off royally by telling to "go home to your mom" was in fact an adult halfling (evidently I was expected to explain about the standard races in a Planescape setting).

I eventually started keeping secrets just to piss him off, with some assistance from the others. I had quite the web of lies on him at the end, including having convinced him that the portal to his home plane could only be opened if he was naked (so he'd have to leave his stuff behind). Never got that far before the GM moved away though.
TaraSwanwing 29th Mar 2013, 5:57 PM edit delete reply
Our party had to get into a city once...unfortunately, a certain pyromaniac rogue had been raised by a band of goblins in the city before, and really didn't want the guards to know who she was.
Her bluff was crazy awesome, of course, but the guards wanted wealthy "contacts" in the city, and the Lawful Good member of the party wasn't too keen on lying. Every time Aidyn tried to lie the guards' socks off, he gave her away. The guards began to ask questions, who was she, who was she related to, Aidyn panicked-
Aidyn *grabs hold of my alchemist*: I'M HIS SISTER! I'M WITH HIM! (they look NOTHING alike, save for both being half-elves)
Tatsurou 29th Mar 2013, 9:27 PM edit delete reply
The DM rolls for the guard's prejudice. (They buy it because all half-elves look alike to them.)
Star Sage 29th Mar 2013, 9:23 PM edit delete reply
Wait...some people actually admit who they're adventuring with to Royalty? What a weird way to play the game
Raxon 29th Mar 2013, 9:59 PM edit delete reply
"Allow me to introduce my colleagues, your majesty. This is Raxon. He's a psychotic wizard who is fighting a war to wipe out the elves, on the basis that... Umm... What was your motivation, again?"
"They're total a-holes."
"Ah, that was it. Because they're a-holes. This is Sergey, a young dire tarantula who can talk, and likes to frighten women and children. He gets a bit annoyed if you don't at least give a courtesy scream. This is Cormin, a rogue who steals anything that isn't nailed down and on fire, but we trust him absolutely, and without reservation. This is Soggy, a mutant talking schnauzer. He's like our mascot, and doesn't really do much. This is Sue. He will beat the crap out of you if you mock his name. This is Walda, niece of the legendary ranger Waldo, and granddaughter of the great bard, Waldorf, of the two master critics. This is Purra Nova. She really, really doesn't like orcs, and will use her wind avatar powers to level any city she finds them in."

The hell with diplomacy. Sometimes, intimidation is the most effective method, particularly if you have a lot of notoriety.

Yeah, these are heroes I've written. Summing up some of their character traits and reputations is fun. There was also an elderly priest married to a several thousand year old dire black widow... It was a marriage of convenience. Honest.

Anyway, I see no reason not to be honest. If the DM wants you to work for the king, you shouldn't have a problem confiding in the king. After all, kings are well known for being reasonable authority figures, right?
Midnight Blaze 26th Aug 2013, 9:47 PM edit delete reply
Y'know it wouldn't surprise me one bit if Celestia was Elusive.