Page 276 - The Squawking Menace

25th Apr 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
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The Squawking Menace
Average Rating: 5 (5 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 25th Apr 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
Okay, yesterday's page had a little too much navel-gazing and patting one's self on the back. Let's go with some roleplaying stories today, shall we?

In this page's comments, tell a story about an animal NPC.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Seturis 25th Apr 2013, 6:04 AM edit delete reply
Our party's druid had 6 animal companions at one point, all of which happened to be bears.

Safe to say, things got a little hairy when he was in battle.
DracoS 25th Apr 2013, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
Sounds like he made enemies paws from fear.
Ranubis 25th Apr 2013, 6:23 AM edit delete reply
To me, my friends. Fear the might of Smokey, Yogi, Boo Boo, Fozzie, Baloo and Winnie!
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 7:27 AM edit delete reply
Bear stories -- ursine of bad puns to come.
deeman45 25th Apr 2013, 7:38 AM edit delete reply
I love a good bear story--things tend to get absolutely grizzly.
Digo 25th Apr 2013, 7:43 AM edit delete reply
Me too! I was worried reactions would be the polar opposite, but it seems puns panda to the majority. :D
Eyepoppee 25th Apr 2013, 7:54 AM edit delete reply
These puns are starting to get unbearable.
celestDaer 25th Apr 2013, 8:16 AM edit delete reply
Gods damn it, Shut UP, Teddie! Too many stupid freaking bear puns! Sorry, Persona 4 annoyances.
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 8:28 AM edit delete reply
Don't let the puns bruin your day, celestDaer.
nekollx 25th Apr 2013, 8:50 AM edit delete reply
one character was a ranger with 6 intiligent Squirrls...each had their own class, also one was a Ranger with 6 normal Squirls....
Digo 25th Apr 2013, 9:06 AM edit delete reply
The recusion of ranger to squirrls sounds completly nuts. :)
nekollx 26th Apr 2013, 10:35 AM edit delete reply
nekollx for all you Squirrl Ranger Needs
RileaSW 27th Apr 2013, 12:44 AM edit delete reply
I think you're barking up the wrong tree with this one.
ThousandYearSunrise 25th Apr 2013, 9:23 AM edit delete reply
Woah... are there, like, Demigod Rangers with humans as their animals? And what game do I need to buy to make that happen?
aylatrigger 25th Apr 2013, 12:22 PM edit delete reply
In pathfinder's Noble Wild, you can be an animal with human familiars or companions. You could probably use that.
Guest 25th Apr 2013, 10:13 AM edit delete reply
Were any of the bears rogues calling themselves Sir Bearington?
tjprower 25th Apr 2013, 1:08 PM edit delete reply
Don't go near Phoe. She hates bears.
JSchunx 25th Apr 2013, 3:15 PM edit delete reply
My brother, for a campaign he's going to DM eventually, made a series of NPCs to temporarily accompany the party, should they desire. One of these is an awakened Monkey Rogue of medium size. All in all, he's a relatively weak combatant, but he's got skills and tricks out the wazoo.
thatguy 26th Apr 2013, 9:22 AM edit delete reply
Has anyone seen that image of someone telling a story of "Sir Bearington"? It was a story of a guy playing a game as a bear rogue or something, but he put everything he had into bluffing, and so no one realized he was a bear. Funniest thing ever.
The_L 30th Apr 2013, 6:31 AM edit delete reply
Sounds like Chicken Boo from Animaniacs. Only better.
Rokas 25th Apr 2013, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
In the homebrew game I've been a part of, we recently scavenged some advanced, experimental technology from an abandoned lab built by one of the two great powers before their apocalyptic war. One of them was basically the Medic's healing gun from TF2, but it has unpredictable side-effects of use on an uninjured figure. We 'tested' it on a local deer analogue and it grew an extra pair of limbs and apparently became slightly more intelligent. It's now on the ship as a pet or mascot and we call it "Prince Henry". Whether or not it's allowed to man the pilot console when the captain is not on-board is purely rumor and speculation.
Digo 25th Apr 2013, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
My group has a nasty habit of getting their animal companions/familairs/pets killed in battle so rarely do they try to get one.

The most memoriable was a stray black cat familair belonging to the sorcerer of our first D&D 3.5 campaign. The cat was named "Shadow" and the player asked me to do the personalty.

Somehow the cat ended up being the sorcerer's "Straight man" and the party mascot. Crowning moment of awesome was when the cat "Took one for the team" by taking a blow from a Treant just to snatch an important macguffin for the quest.
JSchunx 25th Apr 2013, 3:18 PM edit delete reply
In one campaign, our sorcerer Berzasperd had a snake familiar named Sisilithresh, but which Berzasperd called Snakey. Snakey hated Berzasperd, but was bound to him via magical rituals, so he couldn't act on that hadred. Also, he spoke with a french accent.
AABaker 25th Apr 2013, 6:12 AM edit delete reply
I'm playing a gnome bard in a campaign at the moment. Recently the party stormed an abandoned fortress that had been taken over by goblins and hobgoblins.

At one point we find that the goblins had some captured a young displacer beast. After the battle my bard freed it and it's been following us around ever since effectively becoming my battle pet/companion. The main problem with this is another party member is playing a Kenku, who is NOT fond of cats, let alone displacer beasts.
Sewicked 25th Apr 2013, 6:32 AM Tortellini edit delete reply
One friend had a druid with a desert tortoise animal companion. To give an idea how big this thing was, people are 1 square on a map, this thing was 3x3, and it got the first blow in combat, and it could trample.

We called it Tortellini. It was big. It was round. And it was full of cheese (game term for game goodness that was borderline power gaming).
Digo 25th Apr 2013, 7:44 AM edit delete reply
**Slow Applauding Clap of Approval**

That name for the turtle... so brilliant. XD
Jason Shadow 25th Apr 2013, 8:02 PM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow
I can imagine how some conversations with NPCs would play out.

"Oh, I never enter a battle without Tortellini."
Cecil Lizard 26th Apr 2013, 3:13 AM edit delete reply
RD, as well as the player playing RD, would approve.
Zuche 26th Apr 2013, 6:37 AM edit delete reply
But of course. As a melee striker, she has good reason to appreciate her Tank.
Sewicked 25th Apr 2013, 6:34 AM It's a WHAT? edit delete reply
Then there was the ranger who accidentally impressed a juvenile patchwork dragon as his next 'guardian.' It followed us around, learning how to be a 'ranger dragon'.
Froborr 25th Apr 2013, 6:48 AM edit delete reply
So, in the 3.5 game that had Honest John and the musical hivemind(s) (and I only just now realized what a great band name Honest John and the Musical Hiveminds is), one of the running gags was me doing outrageously terrible accents whenever a player cast... Speak to Monster? Speak to Animal? Whatever it was called, it's been a while.

This culminated in the party getting attacked by a dire tiger with Monk levels that (since I was running out of accents because Honest John would attempt to talk to EVERYTHING) spoke in leet. His name was D00d teh T193|2 and the party, which by this point I'm pretty sure was just doing everything in their power to troll me, adopted him and made him their mascot.
Flashpoint 25th Apr 2013, 6:51 AM edit delete reply
There was this one game I had witnessed, though I don't remember most of the details. This guy had built a character revolving entirely around his Dire Badger companion, and this thing was scary. It could take on entire mobs of kobolds solo, and most of the time it would end with the badger literally ripping a few of them apart and the others either running away or limply hobbling off, bleeding profusely all over the floor. It was a freaking Dire Badger, and it was the most useful party member.
JSchunx 25th Apr 2013, 3:22 PM edit delete reply
In one campaign, long long ago, I remember using a summon monster spell to summon a celestial dire badger as fodder against a grey render. The bloody thing, on its first attack, rolled a nat 20, nat 20 and another nat 20. It leapt into the air and bit the render's head clean off. Badgers have since gained a bit of reverence within our group.
Anvildude 26th Apr 2013, 11:29 AM edit delete reply
You should both read the Redwall series. You'll gain a whole new respect for Badgers and what they can do.
gloomie 26th Apr 2013, 9:45 PM edit delete reply
Are you sure you weren't playing Dwarf Fortress? Because it sounds decidedly dwarfy.
Destrustor 25th Apr 2013, 6:52 AM edit delete reply
I once played a gnoll in a weird space setting campaign of D&D, where basically each race had its own planet. The party found me on the gnoll planet and decided to bring me along on their adventures, as a sort of novelty.
My extremely primitive culture meant I had to painstakingly learn everything, including the setting's common language.
Combined with the fact that I had a pretty low INT, and that my motivation for joining the group was basically "these weird aliens fed me some tasty meat, I want more, I want to taste every kind of meat in the galaxy!", I ended up being the barely-litterate "pet" of the party, and was on my way to becoming the wizard's familiar. (We were still trying to convince the DM to allow that, though.)
So sad that the game fell apart.

Animal NPC, animal PC,, close enough.
Froborr 25th Apr 2013, 6:55 AM edit delete reply
Another one I just thought of: The Smart Onix.

So, way back when Gold/Silver had only just been announced, I ran a Lovecraftian Pokemon campaign using the BESM expansion <i>Cute and Fuzzy Cockfighting Seizure Monsters</i>, and one of the players had an Onix. Most Pokemon in the campaign had the Can't Talk defect at level 1, meaning they could communicate emotion use gestures and so forth, just not speak actual words. Onix, however, had Level 2, meaning he couldn't convey any information at all. All he could do was say "Gwarr" with exactly the same intonation.

For some reason, when he couldn't think of anything else to do character advancement points, that Onix's owner (can't remember the character name) would pump up Onix's Mind stat... with the result that, by the end of the game, the Onix was the most intelligent being in the entire setting, with a mind so vast and deep that it bordered on the divine... and it still couldn't say anything but "Gwarr!"
aylatrigger 25th Apr 2013, 11:20 AM edit delete reply
While I am all for BESM, I would like to not e that there is a Lovecraft/Pokemon game, Pokethulhu. Though the creatures in it are not the exact pokemon, you may still be interested in it.
Froborr 25th Apr 2013, 2:24 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, I've looked through it. I like my BESM version better.
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 7:03 AM edit delete reply
I had to have a bar owner insist that a druid's displacer beast companion was not permitted in the bar. Some folks need to learn the limits of their Diplomacy skill the hard way.
Boden King 25th Apr 2013, 10:20 AM edit delete reply
Just so I know, what are the limits and how do you enforce them?
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 1:21 PM edit delete reply
1. Diplomacy is not mind control.
2. A person favourably disposed toward you is still not guaranteed to grant any of your requests. (You don't get to smoke in a smoke-free zone. You're just less likely to get kicked out and fined for having made the attempt.) Even the reasonable ones might be refused under appropriate circumstances.
3. Diplomacy doesn't change personality. Bigotry, phobias, and obsessive tendencies are few of the borders here.
4. Diplomacy does not make people believe lies. There is another skill for that.
5. The cooperation you do get isn't always going to be the kind you want. Diplomacy does not let you determine what another creature considers "helpful".
6. Diplomacy isn't particularly useful when you aren't actually being in the least diplomatic. This is not the same as tying the player's "acting" to the result of the check. It still relies on the character's ability to appeal to the target in some fashion. If you can't tell me how you're doing that, I don't have to allow the attempt. Now with that said, I should allow it more often than not. Use it when it adds to play, rather than slowing it down.

As for enforcement, all you need to do is show that the action produced positive results if it succeeded. The guard won't let you in, but he'll pretend he never saw you. Your gnoll captors will work you to death on a slower than average timeline. Your demonic sponsor can be convinced to refrain from devouring the people it feels are holding you back so long as you can effectively demonstrate how little their lives mean to you.

As long as you don't frustrate progress, no other enforcement is required.
Raxon 25th Apr 2013, 6:51 PM edit delete reply
Mistress Thorn might grant you ten more minutes, too.
sunbeam 26th Apr 2013, 7:21 AM edit delete reply
"Your demonic sponsor can be convinced to refrain from devouring the people it feels are holding you back so long as you can effectively demonstrate how little their lives mean to you."
Can we get the story behind this? It sounds awesome.
kriss1989 25th Apr 2013, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
Davith's Raven in my 4E campaign. In 4E familiars are partially made from a part of the practitioner's mind. In this case, the Raven was made of Id. No consequences says what it wants selfish deire made manifest. From a drug abusing manic-depressive paranoid womanizing warlock con-artist.
Walabio 25th Apr 2013, 7:10 AM A no-legged dog. edit delete reply
A no-legged dog. The running joke was:

Character A:
“¿Where is the no-legged dog?”

Character B:
“¡Where you left it!”

As a no-legged dog, ¡it cannot go anywhere on its own power!
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
It could, but it prefers being carried to using its secret telekinetic powers.
JSchunx 25th Apr 2013, 3:34 PM edit delete reply
I'm just reminded of Lil' Brudder, the one-legged puppy from Homestar Runner.

He's got the heart of a champion!
Raxon 25th Apr 2013, 9:07 PM edit delete reply
"I'm gonna be a quarterback when I grow up! I'm gonna throw for two thousand yards! Don't cry for me, The Cheat!"
Digo 26th Apr 2013, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
"I can make it on my own!"
Evilbob 25th Apr 2013, 7:16 AM edit delete reply
What are you talking about? There can never be enough pats on the back!
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 7:24 AM edit delete reply
Over time, the number of knives appearing within the number of patting hands gradually increases. Be particularly wary of the ambidextrous fan.
aerion111 25th Apr 2013, 7:54 AM edit delete reply
Oh, don't worry, those are just stage-knives.
Entirely harmless.
Guest 25th Apr 2013, 8:14 AM edit delete reply
Body switching


the poor druid never forgived me, but it was fun watching him act as a human in a wolf skin and the "man-dog" jokes
Raxon 25th Apr 2013, 9:08 PM edit delete reply
Please tell me there were wolf whistles.
ProfCharles 25th Apr 2013, 8:23 AM edit delete reply
An NPC animal? The closest I can think of is my Half-orc sorcerer's boar familar, Baconator.

It died five minutes into the campagin because it drank the blood of a cultist who had just commited ritual suicide in an inn. The evil cleric of the party then resurected it and made it his familar.

I follwed the cleric around, trying to get my pig back, but he set the city guard on me, saying that I had been threatening him.

So I killed the guards, ran into the poor district and used my ridiculously high CHA stat to lead a rebelion against the local government.

All because the GM killed my pig five minutes into the game.
Digo 25th Apr 2013, 9:08 AM edit delete reply
"Leggo my Baco(n)!" ;)
Anvildude 26th Apr 2013, 11:33 AM edit delete reply
Perfectly justified. There is no love known like that between an Orc and his Boar.

I was playing a Half-Orc Cavalier for a bit. My Boar's name was Porkins.
Aleph 30th Apr 2013, 1:47 PM edit delete reply
An Orc and His Boar. Sounds like a novel.
Lyntermas 25th Apr 2013, 8:40 AM edit delete reply
No animal stories for me. All I've got is an intelligent magical cloak with a split personality (last time it activated, it helped me grab some dinner, then tried to strangle me). A book that was nearby the cloak when I first found it was recently translated to reveal that it had the notes of someone who was trying to figure out to destroy/get rid of the cloak.

The notes span four months and covered a variety of tests (setting it on fire, teleportation, dropping it in acid). As the notes go on, the tests become more...desperate (27 attempts of divine intervention, 34 different imprisonment and binding spells, necromancy, demonic rituals, just setting it on fire over and over and over). The last few pages have illegible writing, pages shredded by fingernails, the phrase "Of course, how could I have been so blind! The solution was right in front of my eyes!", and the last pages smeared with blood.

...I'm sure that only good things will come of keeping this cloak around.
LoganAura 25th Apr 2013, 8:45 AM edit delete reply
Raxon 26th Apr 2013, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
There was a timberwolf npc in a furry rpg once. He was a terrible singer. He thought he was a rapper, too.

His name was Justin. He was dating a Vixen named Brittney.

Everyone hated him.
Dragonflight 25th Apr 2013, 8:50 AM edit delete reply
A while back, a bunch of us decided to play a "Legion of Super-Pets" game. It was set in 3.5 D&D, but everyone played a heroic-level familiar. We each had a Master/Mistress, who was average Int, or maybe a little low.

They thought they were the heroes, because they went places and did things, and caroused in the taverns. But what actually happened was that the Super Pets went in early, dealt with the really dangerous traps, found the really cool stuff, and made sure their Masters wouldn't do stupid things in the process of getting to the cool rewards.

I recall, my character had a Northern Barbarian a little like a low-Int Conan, who thought his familiar was an agent from his warrior god. My character was a lost animal trying desperately to string the barbarian along while faking pseudo-religious trash and hoping he never figured it out. :)
Guest 25th Apr 2013, 9:13 AM edit delete reply
In an adventure I DMed once a friend of mine helped a new player make a character as a Lycenthrope. A house cat lycanthrope... I decided to roll with it. The character usually sat on the shoulder of the barbarian of the group.

They were fighting a wyvern later on with room to fly so I was having it do fly by attacks at them. Barbarian decided to throw the new player at it while in cat form. He managed to hit it, but the player wasn't able to grab on and fell. He didn't take a whole lot of damage luckily.
Guest 25th Apr 2013, 9:14 AM edit delete reply
Though this isn't really an animal NPC its the only story I had remotely related.
Degulus 25th Apr 2013, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
Thinking about it, my group has come across tons of animal NPCs. In fact most of our NPCS are animals technically because the setting right now is that we went to another dimension populated by horses. The dominant species is non-talking, non-sentient horses. One of our first major enemies (known as the Mad King) got there before us and had been turning them into humans because he found that human sacrifices worked better for his magic.

Because of all of this we ran across some strange things before the reveal of what was going on in this world. There was a town where everyone in town ditched us at an arbitrary curfew. We were hiding from the town guards (who worked for the Mad King) when we noticed a horse staring at us through the window... that horse went and got the guards. We encountered nothing but horses and guards in that town after that until we were about to leave (after flat out killing many of the horses that got in our way, even the cleric was marginally cool with it at the time) and the sun came up and the horses blocking our path transformed into very furious townsfolk.

Other than the horses we've got the Tanooki. And I don't mean the mythical version of the Japanese animal I mean this thing really walks on all fours and act like an animal. Not to say it doesn't have magical properties though... the Tanooki eats valuables ranging from gold and magical items to once picking up a taste for books when we were in a weird town that used books as currency. It has the tendency of gaining new powers when it eats something particularly magical... like hundreds of dragon eggs. When once accidentally sent into an orb where we had trapped a magical version of grey goo (ie. nanomachines that consume everything and build copies of themselves till there is nothing left) it ended up eating it first. I repeat when trapped with something that causes the apocalypse by eating everything, it ate it. The Tanooki is currently the strongest member of the party.

And I can't pass up some honorable mentions... Scuttles a puppy that was summoned and kept as a pet for a long time only to be reclaimed by it's original owner... which happened to be a planet sized lovecraftian monster. And then there is a bear that belongs to a guy who just joined up recently... he claims the bear is his wife(and with no claims that it was once human or anything like that... JUST bear-wife). It wears earrings, has a wedding ring on its tongue and has occasionally been seen wearing an apron. It doesn't seem pleased with the situation...

I know that's a lot of stories but I really had to share all of them.
Chaosbrony 29th Jul 2013, 2:57 AM Best. Pet. Ever! edit delete reply
I would like to ask for your permission to use a Tanooki as my OC's pet
aylatrigger 25th Apr 2013, 9:49 AM edit delete reply
When I was young one of my brothers had a wizard with a cat familiar. Instead of doing the clasic ignore thefamiliar until needed, my brother's character chattered endlessly about the cat, pampered it, and took it everywhere. Now I myself love cats, but it was kind of annoying. So I made one of my characters (as I was young and hadn't figured how to not be suicidal, my characters died a lot) allergic to cats. This character and the wizard endlessly clashed. In the middle of the night I murdered that cat. While it sparked a battle, I regret nothing.
Akouma 25th Apr 2013, 9:52 AM edit delete reply
In the game I play in on Saturdays (which WAS a 5e playtest until we decided "screw 5e" (yes, it's that bad) and now it's Pathfinder) I found a parrot, who I named Jimbo. In my inventory, he's listed as "Jimbo, the involuntary, non-magical parrot familiar." He bites.

Funny thing is, when we switched from 5e to Pathfinder, my character went from being a Rogue to a Ranger, so Jimbo became an *actual* animal companion.

The party's other Ranger has a much simpler story for her companion. We at one point had to steal a bunch of tiger-thing cubs so a local tribe could raise them as mounts, and she kept one for herself because they're adorable. I *tried* to steal another extra one during the kidnapping so the party Wizard could dissect it while no one was looking (FOR SCIENCE!) but it was determined that it was best not to push our luck when we already had five of them.
DoubleCross 25th Apr 2013, 9:57 AM edit delete reply
It was a birdcage of such low significance it literally did not appear on the set until now.

Dammit, MLP.
Magnaliscious 25th Apr 2013, 9:59 AM edit delete reply
Does saving the life of a dragon count as a animal NPC?
Guest 25th Apr 2013, 7:07 PM edit delete reply
Yes. But only for today.
q97randomguy 25th Apr 2013, 10:07 AM edit delete reply
My story involves scorpions. Ceiling scorpions. Ceiling scorpions that are fifteen feet long.

Our DM is doesn't like to say no. When we noticed that the scorpion was clacking its claws together before it was, presumably, going to attack us, we asked, in jest, if it was saying anything in Morse code. Why ask that? Well, um, most of our party sort of "speaks" it. Our DM said that it was speaking in Morse code. So we talked to it, and now it's part of our party. It was supposed to be a boss, but... *shrugs*

Oh yeah, and the only things it eats are dwarves. We have another NPC that's a dwarf. Currently, we're trying to get the thing to eat other meat, but it's only doing it if it's tricked into thinking that the meat is dwarf meat. (We do this by dousing it in ale and beer.)
Zuche 25th Apr 2013, 1:23 PM edit delete reply
So the scorpion prefers pickled meats?
terrycloth 25th Apr 2013, 10:48 AM edit delete reply
We just finished a campaign where the party had seveal GMPCs. One of them was the princess we'd accidentally kidnapped at the start of the campaign, who'd been taking levels in ranger and had this gigantic wolf who was about ten times more effective in combat than she was (because she had stats optimized for an aristocrat). While our fighter was the MVP, the wolf was a close second... until the party got blasted by Prismatic Spray and the wolf was sent to a random plane.

We had no way to get him back, but we kept joking about what the wolf was up to while we were going about our business (there's a 50% chance he's having a tea party with angels, right?), and every time we visited another plane we'd ask the GM if the wolf was there (he never was).

Then, at the very end, the Big Bad Evil Elf casts a Gate as her last action, just as she dies from bleed damage inflicted by the rogue. The GM decided that she hadn't had time to specify a destination, so the gate was going to summon a random enemy for us to fight.

Only, he forgot to have it actually summon a random enemy. We disarmed the glyph that was going to destroy the world, looted the bodies, healed up, and were just about to leave when we remembered the Gate sitting there this whole time.

GM: "Okay, I guess there was a bit of a delay, but out of the gate comes..."

Us: "The wolf?"

Unfortunately, it wasn't. Foo.
aylatrigger 25th Apr 2013, 10:54 AM edit delete reply
Another story of mine, his time as a DM:
From my 30th level Ponyfinder campaign, there party was facing an opponent that used gate to gate away opponents. I was thinkig of sendig a PC to a minecraft world, but one player asked to go to a world that may explain gaining levels in aquatic-type Synthesist Summoner. So I came up with this place based off underwater lakes and rivers (look it up if you've never heard of them-they are amazing). The PC, our smallest PC as she had a permanent 'Reduce Person' spell on her (though we changed the name to 'Reduce Pony' and then again to 'My Little Pony'), met with a gargantuan shark. The shark telepathically introduced himself as Methuselah, of a species of acid breathing gargantuan oracle sharks. Almost all of his species had 20 levels in oracle, and it's not that kind of acid. The telepathy they learn as if they just speak, those who come seeking their wisdom just go on about shapes and colors that aren't there. Methuselah told Artifact, the pony PC, that he had been made an outcast due to trusting a predator who had used his trust to attack the weaker sharks of the city/lake (who preys on gargantuan sharks that see the future and breathe drugs? I don't want to know). As such, he was now living in he underwater river as opposed to the underwater lake. Both were huge and made of Acid. So Artifact after discussing wwent to the underwater lake to plead of Methuselah's return from exile. About this time I realized 'Methuselah' could be shortened to 'Meth'. I started naming all the sharks similar old names that could be shortened to the names of drugs. Eventually Artifact was successful, Methusulah pledged to help her by giving essence when summoned, and she was reunited with the party. I think the plane of acid breathing oracle sharks is at least in my top 5 favorite planes...
McBehrer 25th Apr 2013, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
Not technically an animal, but my friend Henry ALWAYS plays Dwarven druids. He also finds ways to include lots of shape changes per day, and spends most of his time as a falcon.

Except this one time he was locked in a dungeon; he then broke out (stonemeld) and drank ALL THE LIQUOR, then walked (or stumbled) around town as a dwarf. When the guards caught up to him, his brilliant defense was yelling -- or a really loud slur, really -- "I'MMA BIIIIIRD!"
Zuche 26th Apr 2013, 6:43 AM edit delete reply
Birds are pretty mean drunks. Don't mess with an alcoholic budgie.
McBehrer 25th Apr 2013, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
ECCH it logged me out. Whateva! *guitar riff*
aylatrigger 25th Apr 2013, 11:09 AM edit delete reply
One more story. I was not the DM for this. But the party was doing one of my favorite reasons to be an adventuring group: a travelling circus (my favorites are: a class either doing research or a class trip, a circus, pirate ship, or merchants... bonus points for more than one). I was he druid, thus in charge of the animals. I played very money concerned and no-nonsense. I had a wolf companion and we did an all-wolf act where I summoned wolves, took wolf form, sung, and had us all do tricks. But his story is not about wolves.

We collected quite a few exotic animals. The king called for us, and he wanted to send us to some plane for adventure reasons. Before talkig with the king, we needed to pay tribute. So we gave a penguin. After we had gotten the adventure hook and he ringmaster had told the rest of the circus, he decided he wanted the penguin back. After all, exotic animals are important in a circus, and it had been our penguin in he first place, right? So we snuck back into the castle during the night and we stole the penguin. This was blamed on another country, starting a war, eventually leading to the nation beig destroyed. But we got our penguin. And we ran away to the other planes we were supposed to go to and got some dinosaurs in our circus as well.
Zarhon 25th Apr 2013, 11:43 AM edit delete reply
Animal stories, eh?

One animal that stands out would be a white kitten, from Grand Line Adventures (Pony Tales). She's was randomly summoned into being with a use of the "Element of Laughter" (rod of wonder, essentially).

The thing that's special about her is that she doesn't have a mouth - she's actually a cat that feeds off of negative emotions of creatures around her - specifically, that of sorrow.

My character promptly adopted her and named her 'Whisper Lilly'. :)
Tatsurou 25th Apr 2013, 12:47 PM edit delete reply
Once, a long time ago, I was DMing for a campaign where I set out to try and test my party's morals, seeing as they all decided to play good characters. So I created what I thought would be a Morton's Fork scenario.

They were passing through a wasteland. The party was a barbarian, a Ranger/Rogue, a bard, and a druid. In the wasteland, they encountered a home-brewed creature I'd made specifically for the campaign...a dracolisk.

Dracolisks are part dragon, part horse, part spider, and part scorpion. Draconic body shape, eight legs, scorpion tail, and at full growth seen is just a bit bigger than a thoroughbred.

They fought the dracolisk, and it went down very it turned out, to quickly. Examining the corpse, the druid discovered the creature was female, extremely emaciated...and nesting. They then heard crying. When they went to investigate, they discovered the dracolisk's nest...and her four cubs.

It turned out that the reason the dracolisk went down so quickly was that she was slowly starving to death. Every small kill she was able to make went to feeding her cubs, keeping them alive. As such, the four cubs were still relatively healthy.

This left the party with two choices. The cubs were too small to survive on their own, and hadn't yet been taught how to hunt. If they left the cubs in the nest, they would either slowly starve to death or be picked off by larger creatures. Alternatively, they could kill the innocent cubs themselves - and the bones in the nest revealed that the cubs had not eaten anything sentient as of yet, which didn't make killing them sit well with the party.

The Ranger decided to try and search the nest for anything valuable while the group debated what to do. As she passed through the nest, the cubs stepped carefully around her but didn't attack, just watching her. They showed neither fear nor hostility to a human in their presence.

Then my party surprised me.

Druid: ...would they survive being carried?
Tatsurou 25th Apr 2013, 12:48 PM edit delete reply
The party took the cubs with them, at first strapped to their backs, but later walking along beside them. Now, while I hadn't expected this, I decided to play it for everything it was worth. At every opportunity, I would go into something the cubs were doing, when they started scratching and needed bathing, how they reacted to bathing, their aggressive and playful behavior, when they got territorial... The group said they would only take care of the cubs until they could survive on their own in the wild, but the questions to the Druid about whether they were ready became increasingly infrequent, and her answers increasingly evasive.

A really touching moment: the Barbarian and Ranger convinced everyone to teach the cubs how to hunt. When the Barbarian's cub brought back its first successful kill - a rabbit in its mouth, carried proudly - the player actually had tears in his eyes, though he denied it.

Later on, I got really caught off guard during a combat situation. They were fighting a stone golem, and the Barbarian's cub wound up in the fight, trying to help. The golem was about to step on the cub.


He triggered his rage and punched the golem right in the face with his bare hand. Based on rolls (nat 20) and bonuses, he punched the head clear off.

I then stared at the barbarian.

Me: Mr. Snugglefluff?

Note, none of the players had mentioned anything about naming the cubs. However, it then turned out they all had. The Ranger's was called Friskerton, the Druid's was Horus, and the Bard's was Halliday Minkeron Featherkins III.

Yeah, I just added pets/mounts to their character sheets after that.
Froborr 25th Apr 2013, 2:30 PM edit delete reply
This is the best gamer story I've ever read. Seriously, bravo to you and your group, that's beautiful.
Tatsurou 26th Apr 2013, 2:12 AM edit delete reply
There are actually a couple more parts of the story that are rather amusing from much later.
Right at first, the cubs didn't get used as mounts AT ALL. In fact, despite how attatched the players were to the cubs, they kept them out of the main adventure components as possible...right at first.

Deciding I wanted them to be aware that they COULD, in fact, be mounts, when the bard got injured, I took action. WHile the players debated the merits of stretcher versus being strapped to the barbarians back, I rolled a few die for HMF III's intelligence. The cub ducked under the bard's legs, stood up, and proceeded to carry him carefully. Once the party realized that the cubs were, in fact, growing up and could be used as mounts, they began to bring them along for combat scenarios more readily.
Then one time, the Barbarian jokingly suggested - in character - that he send Snugglefluff up a sheer cliff face to scout ahead in a dangerous area. While the characters were laughing, I rolled a few dice. Mr. Snugglefluff decided that his Mama had given him a directive, and proceeded to ace climbing the sheer cliff face. After staring for a while, I got an unexpected reaction.

Barbarian: Could he carry me while doing that?
Me: ... ... Wanna roll and see?

It turned out, the dracolisk cubs WERE in fact, strong enough to carry their adventurer caretakers on their backs while climbing straight up a sheer cliff face. Terrain was never a useful boundary again.

Of course, at another time, money lost all meaning to the party. It all started when the Bard asked if the dracolisks - being part spider, as I'd described them - had spinnerettes. I replied that they did, since I thought it would be cool if they rapelled down a web line off the side of a cliff. The party thought this was cool, too, but they wanted to be sure that they could climb the web line without getting stuck. I stated that, since dracolisks were more like jumping spiders in hunt style, only the extruded tip of each line was sticky, to affix to the point of drop.
...then my druid did some quick calculations regarding pretensile strength, and determined that dracolisk webbing had to be proportionately stronger than spider silk. She then asked how much the dracolisk had to eat to produce a full batch of webbing, and how long a strand of web they could then produce on command.
The Druid and Ranger then began crafting Dracolisk silk armor. Light as silk, stronger than steel. Calculations showed that it took about 1 gold 5 silver to fully feed all four dracolisks, less freebies from hunting which the cubds were really good at by this point. Each dracolisk could produce enough webbing off a full feed to produce 3 complete DS armor pieces. Each succesfully crafted armor, based on calculations for speed/defense/evasion boosts it gave, sold for 10-15 gold, depending on venue and how many they sold at one location.

After that - and when the open air labyrinth (open air for weather hazards) got skipped completely by them getting on the mounts, tying each other on, and then climbing up and over the walls - I had to go bang my head against the wall for a while while I came up with new ways to challenge the group. Meanwhile, the players entertained themselves by teaching the cubs to 'do tricks'.
Pumpkin 25th Apr 2013, 1:18 PM edit delete reply
Playing a druid in a 3.5 campaign. I had a wolf pet from the start, but they had a unfortunate run of things. The first died to fire. The second drowned. The third was eaten by a summoned T-rex. The fourth was murdered by marauding demons. And the last was drowned, again.

The druid left shortly after the fifth, wanting to salvage what was left of the wolf race.
JSchunx 25th Apr 2013, 3:46 PM edit delete reply
"The third one burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stood up!"

Sorry, that's just what sprang to mind. That and that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa's cats keep dying.
Matticus 25th Apr 2013, 1:50 PM edit delete reply
One of the (on-again, off-again) players in my current Game of Thrones campaign is playing a guardsman who happens to be a Warg. He can't Skinchange (enter a creature's mind and control it) on his own, but he does occasionally do so in his dreams. It should be noted that his Animal Cohort is a giant grizzly bear.

Mostly, I've used his warg dreams to feed the players details that they may have missed or wouldn't find on their own. For example, the bear has followed a bandit's informant and learned of a planned ambush set for the next day. He also ended up finding the body of a young boy who was the latest victim in a string of murders. I made the player roll a Will save to prevent the bear from eating the dead boy, btw.

The most amusing side effect of these warg dreams is that the character often wakes up with strange food cravings, as most of his bear dreams involve eating. One time the bear stumbled upon a huge blackberry patch, and the next morning the guard woke up craving blackberry pancakes.
Laurence 25th Apr 2013, 2:20 PM edit delete reply
My Paladin's mounts tend to be mares... who aren't afraid to nag him whenever he's about to leave her behind as he descends into the cramped and damp dungeons they encounter (Once again, I am just a glorified mule... couldn't even leave me with a decent meal, nope, all I get is sub par, trampled grass to nibble on... and would it kill you to say thanks for the ride every now and then?!)
Zuche 26th Apr 2013, 6:50 AM edit delete reply
Nagging mares? Good one.
Scygnus 25th Apr 2013, 3:16 PM edit delete reply
Well, first of all there was Luth's Ass. We all joked about that. I also had a witch that picked up Improved Familiar to get a Dweomercat Cub... was planning on using Dweomer Leap to deliver touch spells, but never got the opportunity. Well worth it to have a snarky talking cat along for the ride.

Related but not quite related, I had a sorc that liked to cast Mad Monkeys, and with the same sorc I flavored Communal Phantom Steed as ponies.
Ace the Eagle 25th Apr 2013, 3:23 PM edit delete reply
I remember a kraken character we had.
Man Chugga was awesome
Anyway, he once almost crushed the party and a diffrent time he pulled an enemy ship down under
Liya 25th Apr 2013, 5:28 PM edit delete reply
I usually play as a class that ends up with an animal companion at some point, so I have plenty of animal stories... In a 3.5e campaign I was an elfin druid with a wolf companion named Link (as a passing reference to whichever Zelda game applies at the request of a friend.) We were in a cave lair of a huge mountain troll, and for some reason there was a small wall, about three feet high there, so the party hid behind it, planning to ambush the troll. When combat started, I rolled to throw Link over the wall, hoping to get him close enough to attack that same turn. The rest of the scene went something like this:
DM: "... Are you sure you want to THROW your wolf? He could just, you know, jump the wall..."
Me: *already rolling* "Psh, it's fine, I know what I'm doing-"
*I roll a natural 1*
DM: :....You throw your animal companion directly into the wall."

From then on, Link was a running joke as he took massive amounts of brain damage in that hit... He was almost useless, up until he drowned in a gelatinous cube monster, but he was still one of my favorites. My other favorite animal companion was a bear cub named Jeffry that I obtained during a crack campaign while playing a Paladin in another 3.5e game. The DM neglected to say the bear in the forest could not be tamed by a natural crit'd handle animal roll, and then when my team mates killed the mother bear, I took the baby as my own. He's been pretty randomly useful, actually...
Stulexington 25th Apr 2013, 6:19 PM edit delete reply
Ah yes, I remember my abusive Druid pet. I took an eagle and gave him the feat diving charge. After he got a good damage roll and left an eagle sized hole in an Orc he was dubbed Death Eagle.
Isher 25th Apr 2013, 6:48 PM Mount edit delete reply
A dire wolf was this character's mount. He had him awakened. Thus, he was unable to be a mount anymore... but they were friends, so he stayed on as a cohort. Then (the dire wolf) took paladin levels, and got its own mount. It got.... it got pretty weird. It was a gnome riding a dire wolf riding a huge horse.
Qazarar 25th Apr 2013, 7:01 PM edit delete reply
During a 3.5 game we were playing, our party was a wizard, a ranger, and a barbarian. The fourth player was unable to play during that session. Anyways, the barbarian was a very bloodthirsty, kill-for-the-fun-of-it type of guy. That was his defining trait.

Now, while we were searching for a wizards tower to move along with our quest, the barbarian found a small, white bunny rabbit. The most adorable thing you ever did see. The barbarian fell in love immediately, carrying him around on his shoulder from then on, mostly as a gag.

When we got to the wizards tower, the barbarian decided to head off into town. In retrospect it was a terrible idea to let him, because the first thing he did was start killing. After the rest of us finished our business with the wizard, we exited the tower to the sight of the barbarian and the bunny drenched in blood. Almost as another joke, the DM decided that the bunny's fur was permanently stained that color. Because of this, the barbarian decided to name him Blood.

Blood stayed with us as sort of a mascot for a while. However, when the party reached level four, the ranger was able to get an animal companion. He didn't care much, so he decided to make Blood his animal companion. This meant he needed stats. The DM decided to give him the stats for a wolverine animal companion, making the rabbit useful in a fight.

Over the next few sessions Blood killed three dire wolves. It was mostly a case of feling the last hit point or two, but it essentially became almost a running gag that blood was really the toughest member of the party. I even made him a dire wolf fur vest to wear.
Guest 26th Apr 2013, 4:40 AM edit delete reply
badass bunny
Anvildude 26th Apr 2013, 1:53 PM edit delete reply
Did he have huge pointy teeth?
Raxon 25th Apr 2013, 9:19 PM edit delete reply
For a bit, I needed an animal that was simultaneously adorable, and terrifying. I created Abomittens. Abomittens was a gray mutant tabby kitten with eight legs. Her favorite pastime was scampering up walls and lying in wait on the ceiling, just inside doorways. She would wait for people to pass through the doorway, and them pounce on their heads and attack their hair.She also adores anthro characters, because they tend to have tall, moving ears that she can chase.

The owner of said cat took to posting videos of her on youtube. She became very popular. Another favorite game was clinging to someone's back, and waiting for some unsuspecting victim to get too close. Then Abomittens would turn her head around 180 degrees, pounce on the victim, and then crawl around to their back to get ready to do it again. If she was larger, she'd be terrifying. As it is, having something jump on your head from above is still frightening.

Youtube and reddit just ate it up and asked for more. Abomittens was a very popular youtube cat.
Tatsurou 26th Apr 2013, 2:16 AM edit delete reply
Where can I find these videos?
Zuche 26th Apr 2013, 6:55 AM edit delete reply
I think Raxon was referring to the character, rather than the player, posting videos within the setting.
sunbeam 26th Apr 2013, 7:35 AM edit delete reply
What's your point? I want to see these videos.
Raxon 26th Apr 2013, 6:33 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, sorry about that. It is, indeed, a fictional youtube, and a fictional reddit.

And his A1 Abrams stretch limo tank isn't real either, but that's pretty awesome, too. WoG is that the kitten is extradimensional, not a local kitten caught in a teleporter accident or anything scientifically absurd like that.
Alex Warlorn 25th Apr 2013, 9:51 PM Personally edit delete reply
I know this is just me. But I like it better in this comic when the stories are ADAPTED to RPG Style, rather than having RPG Mechanics adverting the entire plot.
Fjorab 25th Apr 2013, 10:18 PM edit delete reply
I had a Vampire character who was basically a Jewish biker chick - cornrow braids, a tough appearance, but a heart of gold. She didn't like being a vampire, but one of her perks was a black cobra staff that was actually a live snake. She had some control, but it had a mind of its own and was likewise frightful with good intentions. It would sneak off with things that it deemed were not to fall into the wrong hands.
Ambad 25th Apr 2013, 10:58 PM edit delete reply
The elven Bear Shaman in my long running Shadowrun group sacrificed a box of kittens in order to overcast summon a beast spirit, that took the form of a friendly-seeming glowing kitten, whom we dubbed Apocalypse Meow. I forget what force level the thing was, but it was almost god-like in what it accomplished. It moved at lightning speed killing anything that meant it harm, eating guns, and generally shitting disaster upon all who walked the Earth. Somehow we stayed on its good side, and it would come back avery now and then to lend a paw, or muck up our plans to give us more of a challenge. Eventually it deus ex machina merged with a prototypical magi-tech fusion ball thing (it was all rather vague, and didn't involve my character enough for me to pay much attention), and then it must have gone and done something to Lofwur, because Saeder-Krupp removed all the bounties they had on us and resumed their role as our corporate sponsor... It was a wild ride.
Kinsume 25th Apr 2013, 11:06 PM edit delete reply
In my first rp, my DM was really kind and gave me a Raven familiar who could talk to me. At one point, it seemed like this town was in chaos and I had it scout ahead... ten minutes later, it returned with an eyeball that it was eating, and when asked what the hell is going on it was like "Lawl, I dunno." And when asked where it got the eye, again with the "I dunno." ... needless to say, my character had a stern talking to it about eating strange eyeballs and the chance of getting a disease
Jim 26th Apr 2013, 1:11 AM edit delete reply
I played a Ranger type character once that I wanted to be into falconry. When the time came for me to find and train my companion, the DM had decided that Falcons, Eagles, and Hawks were way above my level, and that I should find something else. My character was specced into communicationg with Avians, so I asked, "Well, what else is there." The next adventure my character shows up to the party with a fighting cock... and angry Battle Chicken was the scourge of the plains from then on.
Ryuutakeshi 26th Apr 2013, 1:49 AM edit delete reply
My girlfriend and I are doing a game of 4th ed with me GMing and her playing. The problem is that she's one person so I'm modifying things a bit to allow her animal companions (beast master ranger) to be more like other characters. It's not perfect but thus far she has...

-a loyal cougar
-a lovable little raven
-a jerkass blood hawk that is with the group only for the food
-a giant fox that escaped from the circus and is really a big, lovable pillow.

Then there was my ranger back when I had animals. One of them was a temporal falcon.
Ryuutakeshi 26th Apr 2013, 1:54 AM edit delete reply
Crap, I forgot to mention the kitten grenade. A kitten that explodes when it's startled but always reforms afterwards, no harm done. It was the result of a deck of many things as I recall.
Cecil Lizard 26th Apr 2013, 3:58 AM edit delete reply
I've got a story, which I've already posted on a different page, but like half a year after the last comment was posted on there, and it's about an animal, so here it is again.

My 3 brothers and I were playing a game, with the oldest being the DM. There was an empty dungeon room we entered which nevertheless my brother described a little bit. Part of the description was that there were some mice in the room (nothing that would give us XP for killing). I had my character, a wizard, grab one of the mice and keep it. My brother was all like "Sure, whatever, you now have a mouse.". But then, at the end of the dungeon, the boss was a dragon, and thanks to a combination of my brother (new to DMing at that point) misjudging the relative difficulty to our levels of the dragon, and some bad die rolls, we were heading for TPK. So, he had the dragon be scared of mice. It saw my mouse, cried for a bit and then it let us go. We didn't get it's loot or any XP for fighting it, but hey, atleast we weren't dead.

From then on in the campaign whenever we rested and so on, I would say something like "OK I will have this spell and that spell ready for tomorrow, oh, and I feed my mouse.".
NeutralDemon 26th Apr 2013, 4:46 AM edit delete reply
He is a dire rat
basically hes trap fodder I summon him he runs around and see if it's safe
He has found pits and a sword that killed him
why didnt I send him out to gnaw on that wood golem
Connman 26th Apr 2013, 5:05 AM edit delete reply
A bit late but I forgot yesterday. Anyway does it count if you get baleful polymorphed we were fighting a wizard and on the second last round he polymorphed me into a snake, my character thought he was a snake and spent a week as our party 'pet' as the claric cast dispel magic on me everyday
FanOfMostEverything 26th Apr 2013, 7:28 AM edit delete reply
Heh. Reminds me of the eccentric wizard's manor I made where the welcome mat was trapped with baleful polymorph. The party never did find that newt...
Gden 26th Apr 2013, 9:19 AM edit delete reply
You must've had a nice party, my recent group would've left me in the form, because it would be "hilarious"
crazyredemu 26th Apr 2013, 7:08 AM edit delete reply
We ended up being followed around by a rape dolphin once....yea....
details 26th Apr 2013, 8:48 PM details edit delete reply
JSchunx 26th Apr 2013, 8:54 PM edit delete reply
Really, I think we're probably better off without the details here.
crazyredemu 11th May 2013, 12:55 PM edit delete reply
It raped a duck, but it's ok, the duck was a rapist...there is a story behind this but it would take too long. But it started with me saying "Hey my Ranger can have a pet Dolphin"
FanOfMostEverything 26th Apr 2013, 7:25 AM edit delete reply
One of my Pathfinder characters was Evan Greenthorn, a halfling druid. Evan hated the fey. Well, he hated how the fey, despite being nature spirits, seemed more dedicated to prancing like ninnies and seducing humanoids than actually representing or defending nature. He had similar feelings about other halflings, which is why he went off into the wilderness in the first place. He considered animals and elementals much more dignified and respectable. (Especially when he got grappled, which was often, and then wild shaped into a fire elemental.)
Anyway, from the word "go," Evan was built to ride his wolf companion and ruin people's day with a scythe. Basically, I was going for the Not-Headless Horseless Halfling Hippy Horseman. (I didn't know about cavaliers at the time, and they can't cast spells or turn into living fire, so screw them.)
Unfortunately, the DM decided that my wolf (who I named Lupus,) wasn't amenable to being ridden, so I had to train him for it. Fortunately, there were plenty of time skips when I could.
Oh, and when Lupus hit 4 Hit Dice and I could increase one of his abilities, I raised his Intelligence to 3 (putting him on par with the barbarian.) The rules explicitly said I could then train him in any skill, so I gave him a rank in Linguistics so he could understand Common. Given that his Charisma was greater than the aforementioned barbarian's, I reasoned that this made Lupus the better conversationalist. The rest of the party wholeheartedly agreed. Including the barbarian's player.
WayraHyena 26th Apr 2013, 7:45 AM edit delete reply
I see a lot of people counting Familiars and Magical Beasts or animal-shape creatures under animal NPCs. I've got a few with actual animals by the standards of pathfinder rules.

Fluke the white cat. This was a cat that someone had done some magical experiments on, and then paid the PCs to deliver into the middle of Badguy territory. Fluke had this interesting ability to radiate either an aura of luck or unluck which would waver around semi-random. The loos on the party's faces when they foolishly took Fluke out of his cage (against the wizard's orders) and couldn't get him back in because for all their grapple checks they were having to roll 4d20s and take the lowest.

"Steve" the mastiff. Everyone insists that it be called Steve in this campaign. No one bothered to check that Steve is a girl. The fighter (who is the effective owner of Steve) insists she be called Stephanie. The players adore this dog for some reason and protect it more than they protect each other.

One of my friends tried to play a Houndmaster for a Merc. game I ran. His character had around 12 dogs and a horse and could control the dogs very well (with a couple of uses of Speak with Animals per day and a ridiculously high Handle Animal with Canine Empathy bonuses). But that's when we realized, when you really get into battle in the D&D and Pathfinder universes, unless you're either below level three, you've given a ton of magical items or enchantments to the dog, or it's someone's animal companion, dogs are useless. So I decided to fix this for my games with what is effectively a Leadership feat for dogs that allows you to have a small number of dogs that advance along with you (though they're much weaker than an animal companion). I'm honestly quite proud of this feat because I think I managed to balance it quite well, though I have practice homebrewing a lot of things.
Unselfish Knave 26th Apr 2013, 5:27 PM edit delete reply
Well, there was that one time the party in a D&D 3.5 game I'm DMing dropped a bison on an undead monstrosity. The thing was in the basement of a church, and one member of the party could sense it's location, so they melted through the floor with acid and dropped the bison on it. Took off half it's HP, and that thing was supposed to be a boss fight.
Urthdigger 26th Apr 2013, 7:01 PM edit delete reply
It seems most of the comments I make on here are about an animal NPC. Namely my weasel familiar in a 2 year campaign which I'd named Sakeek.

He was a grand experiment to see just how useful I could make a familiar, although I did have to resort to erring interpretation of the rules in his favor (Such as making the celestial template grant things based on the master's HD instead of a normal weasel's 1 HD), as well as a custom-built prestige class to offer the familiar more independence (By far the biggest improvement was the level 1 ability: Ability to speak Common).

By the end of the game, he was a powerhouse. Mostly due to magical items. He had a couple magical rings he had slightly altered so he could wear them as bracelets, a necklace of Magic Fang, as well as a harness he could carry things around in (Often placing dangerous magical items, like things with exploding runes, in fun places). He also had two weapons, a crossbow which required using his whole body to fire (Lying down on his back, using his hind paws to aim it, one front paw to hold it steady, and the remaining paw to actually pull the trigger), and wands that he essentially had to hold like a greatsword due to size and lacking thumbs. He also once managed to pilot a suit of gnomish power armor, although the party and all accompanying NPCs insisted he leave it behind, and refused to modify it so he could more easily pilot it.

However, by far his greatest asset was the use of his voice. He was crass, tactless, and quite often the voice of sound, if possibly immoral, advice. On several occasions he used his capacity for annoying people to get him targeted over the party members, then used the rather tanky nature of both being tiny and celestial to survive. And most importantly, the players found him amusing.
Tatsurou 26th Apr 2013, 7:21 PM edit delete reply
Is it wrong that I think Sakeek sound absolutely adorable?
ShadowDragon8685 26th Apr 2013, 7:25 PM edit delete reply
It would be wrong if you didn't, Tatsurou.
Urthdigger 26th Apr 2013, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
He was adorable. And shiny. We had a tiefling rogue DMNPC with us who thought he was just the greatest thing ever.
Zaerosz 26th Apr 2013, 10:44 PM edit delete reply
Hey folks, just wondering if there were any DMs looking for a campaign to run. Some friends and I are working on putting together an all-rogue campaign, in which the primary plot hook is that we're trying to set up our own Thieves' Guild. Unfortunately, the only people we know with experience DMing are either too busy or not willing to take part, for whatever reason. If you're interested, drop me a line at and I'll send you the link to the test game I set up.
Zun 27th Apr 2013, 2:30 AM edit delete reply
Ah, Herbert. I will never forgive that chicken. The priest had decided that he was going to keep one of the chickens we'd planned on eating. So, instead of chowing down on the bird, like we wanted, he was going to name it, and keep it around. And since, logically, the world is a dangerous place, he made armor for it. Using a small amount of the gold he had, he crafted chicken sized armor, and even gave the bird spurs to attach to his talons. That stupid bird somehow ended up with a higher AC than my character. Granted, my character was a Rogue, who had been the victim of a very nasty spell which pretty much destroyed his Dex... But still. A CHICKEN. I'll never forget the time Herbert decided to go running around our campsite, and my character failed so miserably at catching it, I ended up taking damage from slamming into the ground. I think I took less damage from the following encounter, than I did because of that blasted bird.
NeutralDemon 27th Apr 2013, 3:54 AM edit delete reply
Hey I just thought of a use for a familiar ... flashlight.
Cast light on it and boom living light.

Living Light subject to copyright see articlee #666-999 part 2 paragraph 5 line 1
Literati 26th Jun 2013, 4:09 PM edit delete reply
I've got two stories for this one.

I played a razorclaw shifter druid in a 4e campaign who, for backstory-related reasons, would shift from humanoid or cougar form to that of a kitten whenever we encountered NPCs. The NPCs treated her as if she were a regular cat, and whenever she did something not cat-like (like leading the party and NPCs back to a hidden dungeon entrance)they would comment "That's a well-trained cat you have there."

My other story comes from a 4e Dark Sun campaign. Our party was traveling across the desert to another town when the DM has us encounter an erdlu. One of the other players gets this idea:

Player: We've all got rope in our adventurer's kits, right?

DM: Yes, you do.

Player: Let's catch it so it can carry our stuff.

DM: Uh, ok.

A couple skill checks later, and Bob the Erdlu joined the party as our pack mule (though we had to keep the halfling from trying to eat it).
RowanYote 31st Mar 2014, 6:03 PM The squirrel edit delete reply
I was playing a halfling ranger in a college campaign. Towards the end of the campaign, we were on a mission to rescue a minor deity that had been bound by an evil being. Our characters passed through a forested area with typical wildlife and into the dungeon proper. We encountered a rather nasty trap that triggered larger crushers on detection of a living being (unfortunate for one of party... smear). One of the characters made note that the trap had a slow reset time, and went back the forest.

My party had to physically restrain my character when he showed back up with a squirrel, threw it into the trap, and rushed the party through the crushers before they could reset fully.

A few sessions later, we pulled of the rescue and each person was granted a boon by the minor deity. Various people wished for various things, and when it go to me, there was only one choice. "Can you please revive the squirrel, diety, sir?". Jaws dropped around the table, including the GM.

So, my character gained an animal companion. A squirrel. From god.