Page 308 - Expository Banter

9th Jul 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
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Expository Banter
Average Rating: 5 (4 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 9th Jul 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
On Saturday morning, I told you about my Everfree Northwest Friday experience. The rest of the weekend was even more enjoyable.

I probably spent a total of five hours roleplaying in the board gaming room on Saturday, between two sessions and two systems: A pre-alpha playtest of Roleplaying is Magic Season 4, and a pony-modded version of FATE. If only I'd gotten in on the Savage World of MLP game on Sunday, I would've had the complete RPG set of Everfree Northwest! But as it is, I think I've cemented myself as a connoisseur of homebrew pony RPGs.

And I've decided - next year, for Everfree Northwest 2014, I'm going to try setting up an official "Celebrity D&D" event. You heard it here first.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Wasen 9th Jul 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Really love this comic you've made spud. They are awesome :)

And now, today's challenge: Tell us a story about you've been getting in trouble because of a certain spell you have used!
Raxon 9th Jul 2013, 6:08 AM edit delete reply
Does fireball count?
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 6:50 AM edit delete reply
Eh, too easy.
Daeron 9th Jul 2013, 6:51 AM edit delete reply
Depends on how humongous a backfire it was.
Rokas 9th Jul 2013, 2:18 PM edit delete reply
Is it an excessively overpowered fireball? I think there's a reaper for that.
Breakfateschain 9th Jul 2013, 6:42 AM edit delete reply
I was DM a Dark Heresy game and one of my players literally almost destroyed the planet they were on with their first sentence.

After the group landed and the officer sent to meet them welcomed them, of the players, who was psychic, decided he wanted him to repeat himself, so he decided to use a power which causes people to repeat a single action.

Since whenever a psychic power is used in Dark Heresy, their's a 1 in 10 chance something bad will happen, of course something bad happened. I rolled, and then rolled again to see what that bad thing was, and it ended up being demonic possession, which is the worst thing possible, as possessed psychics are so powerful the only way to stop one is to destroy the planet it's on.

I told him to roll to resist, he failed. He had a power which let him resist demonic possession, so I had him roll it and he failed again. Luckily, he had a fate point he decided to burn, which got him one final roll to resist, which he passed.

Still, I kinda wish he had failed, because then I could have said the I was in a game that destroyed a planet in the first sentence
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 7:00 AM edit delete reply
When I played as "The Great and Powerful Trixie" in the human world, one of my spells was essentially magical fireworks. It did decent burn damage against enemies, but it also set off the fire alaerm system in the building we were fighting in. Trixie didn't know what a fire alarm was so the first time it went off was a real shock.

Speaking of such, this led to her attempt in using a "lightning ball" spell to channel it through the water and toward some opponents standing in the puddle farther down the hall.
Trixie didn't take into account that electronics were so suseptible to surges that she ended up starting an electrical fire that wasn't easily stopped by the fire sprinkler system.

It was difficult trying to escape a burning flooded building. :D
Raxon 9th Jul 2013, 7:03 AM edit delete reply

Once upon a time, there was a young Raxon who was excited about D&D. There was an experienced player who was a huge troll. Well, we got all our gear taken away, but the wizard decided to do something horrible. He cast dancing lights on my backside. The orcs saw the glow from inside my clothes and took my clothes. Then they saw the light was peeking out of my bum, and they decided more invasive measures were required.

After twenty real time minutes, the orcs got fed up with it, because apparently, every time they got closer to the source of the light, it would escape even deeper.

They decided to approach the problem from a different angle. They went at it through my stomach. With a large butcher knife.

That was the day little Raxon learned that he should never play a cleric in any game with an atheist wizard. It wasn't a prank or anything. The wizard just hated clerics. So rather than get his own hands dirty, he made the orcs do his dirty work. And that is why my clerics make a habit of killing atheists preemptively. Also, all my clerics are relatives of previous clerics, so they all know what happened to cousin Jym Bobb. High cleric Cletuse Jud was particularly broken up about it.

What? No, they're high elves. Can't you tell by their sophisticated names?
Daeron 9th Jul 2013, 7:33 AM edit delete reply
Well Obviously they were High Elves, why else would you add 2 bs to bobb.

Where they by any chance Swamp elves? Or just river folk with very strong family ties? Maybe from lands down south?
Raxon 9th Jul 2013, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
They speak with a very posh georgian accent.
Daeron 9th Jul 2013, 8:27 AM edit delete reply
"Alas Pore Jym Bobb,ah knowed him Tommah Lee, a funny guy through an' through an' darn good joker, he had gave me piggy back rides a thousan' times!"
Raxon 9th Jul 2013, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
No, a Georgian accent. Like the country.
Daeron 9th Jul 2013, 8:37 AM edit delete reply
I see. Then I declare defeat on my part, for my travels have not yet taken me that far. Thus I know little of how such an accent would sound.
Raxon 9th Jul 2013, 9:43 AM edit delete reply
Neither would I, so I substituted a romanian accent. I assume they're similar.
Brickman 9th Jul 2013, 8:18 PM edit delete reply
The moral of the story is to always ask the chosen hero to press the B button if he would like you to repeat your exposition.
Grimm Tales 9th Jul 2013, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
Grimm Tales
I run a Pathfinder game where I've got my players afraid of casting "Detect Magic".

They were exploring a Pyramid that they'd heard described as a "Place of Great Power". After winding their way down to the bottom, they meet the guardian. I describe him as an unarmed man in a gold aztec mask. Putting on my best Randy Savage impersonation I tell them "LEAVE this place, or YOU will FIND yourself in a WORLD of PAIN"

The aspiring Arcane Archer in the group casts detect magic to see if he's got any items to be wary of.

After a brief look at the wording of detect magic, this is what I tell him:

"The entire room erupts in a brilliant golden light. Magic oozes from every corner of the room. You see a dark outline of the guardian that shows no magic whatsoever. Oh yeah, make me a reflex save."

Miserable failure.

"You've gone temporarily blind"

Not...exactly how that spell's supposed to work. But, I got a good laugh out of everybody at the table. Archer included.
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
I had a BBEG create a version of "Explosive Runes" that only went off if you saw them through a Detect Magic spell. This made the pary a bit wary of getting up close to strange messages on walls. :D
Anvildude 9th Jul 2013, 11:33 AM edit delete reply
He sounds like Dagoth Ur.

Which, come to think about it, would make a pretty awesome BBEG for a game.
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 12:35 PM edit delete reply
It would! I should steal the idea. :)
Midnight 9th Jul 2013, 8:28 AM edit delete reply
The character, was my Beastfolk Druid, don't bother looking up the race there, I made it up myself, named Applejack. The fight was an ongoing sea battle with a pirate fleet in the bay of the main port city...I don't even remember it's name anymore. The thing I DID remember from that, and every session past that one, is to always confirm my position in a sea battle, because you might not move, but the SHIP does! I'd gotten fed up with the pirate's shit, and finally convince the zealous paladin to back the frack off, and then cast a Tsunami right in their face, effectively eliminating them, ships and all. Now, what I didn't take into account, but our DM DID, was the fact that I was facing the port city at the time, and a Tsunami spell can travel across I ended up leveling half of the town, damaging another fourth of it, and effectively turning myself into an outlaw on accident...yeah...
TheOrchestralBrony 9th Jul 2013, 8:57 AM edit delete reply
Well, I don't have one about a spell I've used, but I do have one about the shapeshifting ability I had. It's a great little story my friends and I now refer to as "The Orphanville Massacre". Anyone want to hear it?
TheOrchestralBrony 9th Jul 2013, 10:23 AM edit delete reply
No? Well too bad, I'm telling it anyways!

Once upon a time, I was playing a multiple personality changeling. I basically had 3 separate characters, and it was awesome. Now, I've talked about these guys before, but for those who don't remember, here's a quick refresher:

The first personality was Lux. Lux was a Neutral good cleric of pelor. She was also a coward, and in a very fluttershy-esque manner, would run in terror from just about anything.

Next was Nebris. Nebris was a pure Neutral Rogue. He also suffered from kleptomania. and he was really good at it. Like, inadvertantly-steal-the-clothes-off-your-back-without-you-noticing good.

Lastly, there was Kaizen. The bloodthirsty, Chaotic evil, completely insane, Kaizen. May god have mercy on your soul if you ever come across him.

Also, they collectively had a pet bunny named blood. Blame Kaizen.

So, now that you're caught up, back to the story.

So, here's the deal: at this point in the campaign, we've accidentally gotten ourselves flung back in time. We were sent by some powerful beings of the past to go resolve a dispute between some humans and the forest elves. We had already spoken with the elves, and now needed to get the humans to agree to peace. However, there was one problem:

Our wizard was an elf.

So, the second the humans saw us, they kicked us out of town. Now we didn't know what to do. We couldn't just leave things be, and we didn't want to needlessly kill anyone (the irony!). Fortunately, we came up with a plan.

See, at the time of being thrown out, I was Nebris. However, Lux had a fairly decent diplomacy skill. So, we got Nebris to change into Lux, and sent her in alone. Well, kind of. Our elven wizard aparantly can turn invisible (why he didn't earlier I'll never know), so he tagged along in secret.

So, right now, it's important to note that our DM is a bit of a jerk. For around this moment the following exchange happened:

DM: Say, Connor(that's me). What sort of things does Kaizen hate?

Me (realizing his plan): Crap. Well, amongst other minor things, he hates The color purple, sneezing, salads, women who don't meet his standard of beauty, cheese, British accents, and brunch.

So, if you didn't already catch on, our DM threw just about everything at me during the negotiations. The people I was negotiating with were wearing purple, had colds, were eating a nice cheese brunch, and spoke in clear british accents. Also, the waitress was ugly. And for a little while, things went fine.

And then the salads came out.

In one instant, Lux was replaced by Kaizen, and went on a killing rampage. No one in the building was left alive. But it didn't stop there, oh no. Kaizen then pulled out his Flint and Steel and set the building aflame. And right around festival time, too.

What's that? You wonder why that's important?

Well, it meant all the buildings were connected with decorations.

Very flammable decorations.

But guess what? The story STILL isn't over. However, Character limits mean this will be a two parter!
TheOrchestralBrony 9th Jul 2013, 10:24 AM edit delete reply
Now then, let us continue. See, Kaizen felt content with his work, and decided to leave. On his way out, he passed a young boy playing next to a well. Kaizen swiftly threw that boy down the well, and continued walking. Suddenly, he realized:

"CRAP, they might use the water to put out the fire! Why, there's only one way to fix this!"

So he ran into the nearby orphanage and threw every orphan into the well.




But the horror story STILL isn't over! See, around this time, a large mob of people came running out to see just what was going on. Kaizen assumed they were hostile. So he and blood promptly murdered the hell out of them. As did our disguised wizard, for some reason. I really don't know why.

Eventually there were just two people left alive: a mother and child. So Kaizen started thinking: "Which would it be crueler to let stay alive?" He eventually decided to kill the mother, and leave the boy alive.

And thus Kaizen spawned the legend of the Grim Reaper. (did I mention he uses a scythe?)

Oh, but the story STILL isn't done. Soon after that, some gaurds came running into town. Our wizard killed them. Again, not sure why. He was supposed to be Neutral, after all.

Around this point, Kaizen got bored. So he started digging up graves so he could use the bodies to fuel the fire.

Around this time, our other party member, a Ranger, noticed something was going on. So he came in to investigate. Right as he showed up, a caravan arrived, and THIS beautiful exchange happened:

Ranger: (Rolls 6 to bluff) Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Caravan: (Rolls 5 to sense motive) HOW COULD NOTHING HAVE HAPPENED???

And then the ranger got bored and murdered the caravan. Again, he was good aligned, so I have no idea why.

And so ends the tale of the orphanville massacre. Not a single player kept their good alignment after that.
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 10:27 AM edit delete reply
Wow. Not only a fall from grace, but I think there was some fire damage due to burning up on reentry there. :)
Qazarar 9th Jul 2013, 7:10 PM edit delete reply
Okay, for background, I was the elven wizard mentioned above. I was chaotic good, and had legitimate reasons to assist in the destruction of the entire town. At that point I had considered it damage control. Any possible route of diplomacy was gone after the barbarian, and I thought if the village survived, they would inevitably blame the elves, as they had proven themselves that sort. They were also planning on destroying the entire forest and the elves. I decided that ending what remained of the village would be the best way to minimize further casualties by saving the forest and the elves. Nobody else believed my reasons, however.
Tatsurou 9th Jul 2013, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
My character was a Chaotic Neutral sorcerer.
I had two rather interesting feats that had been homebrewed.
The first was 'Invisible casting'. Any spell I cast that generated a magical construct, the construct was invisible.
The second was 'Practical Magic'. Outside of a combat situation, I could cast as many spells as I wanted as long as none of them had any effect on hit points.
The campaign was heavy on the political. Lots of meetings with very important people of both genders, trying to make the world work.

The spell was 'Bugsby's Grasping Hand'. I really need to go further?
Bronymous 9th Jul 2013, 12:13 PM edit delete reply
I call shenanigans. This story topic is biased against non-magic users.
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 12:36 PM edit delete reply
How about a sitch with a magic item or strange contraption that was like magic?
Destrustor 9th Jul 2013, 3:11 PM edit delete reply
One time we were "meeting" the final bad guy (about to fight), and I decided to cast Mordenkainen's Disjunction. One of the MANY epic-ish artifacts present failed its "save VS explosive ruination" check and proceeded to explode into a powerful sphere of annihilation, strong enough to likewise destroy every other artifact and setting off a chain reaction.
We lost most of our coolest stuff, and our lives.
The bad guy lost... a clone.
I was the only player laughing. I often find my own stupidity hilarious.
RunawayCanadian 9th Jul 2013, 6:26 PM edit delete reply
Not exactly spell related, but was one of the most terrifying thing that i have ever had happen.

Our sorcerer and paladin were looking for clues to the disappearance of a girl, so that we can get bonus points with her father who ran the "Magic" shop. They were attacked and infected with lycanthropy. About a session later, they made their final test, the palidan passed, while the sorcerer failed, making a will save to keep his active spells up, he succeed. NOTHING is more frightening while fighting a pack of blink dogs, is to hear a snarling sound coming from the the place your invisible sorcerer went, followed by a maximized lighting bolt past your face.
JSchunx 10th Jul 2013, 12:33 AM edit delete reply
Hmm... I believe I've mentioned somewhere about Berzasperd, the Sorcerer who very much enjoys the Polymorph spell. During one session, he transformed into an Otyugh and created some chaos by simply ambling down the street, whereupon the guards found him and, given his eloquence and a +25ish bluff skill, couldn't seem to find a reason to kill him, and instead escorted him out of the city.

Once he'd left the city, however, he wandered the countryside until he eventually found a cave. He decided to revert form and enter, where he spotted a Drow agent (before the drow spotted him, too). Thinking quickly (more quickly than me, who was just making things up as I went), he used an Alter Self spell to transform into a drow, and approached the other drow. He managed to convince the drow that he was its contact within the city, and proceeded to pass along a bogus (and somewhat rambling) report about the doings within the city. Once again (maxed bluff skill) he was believed without a trace of doubt, and once he left he packed his bags and fled the city, never to return again.

Oh, and there was also the one time where a pack of thugs ambushed the party in the middle of an avenue. Berzasperd spotted a nice line of three thugs and unleashed a lightning bolt, not realizing that they don't just stop when you've hit the enemies you wanted. The bolt proceeded to blast straight into a tavern 80 feet away and started a great big fire in the town. Again, once the air had cleared, he packed bags and fled town, never to return.
terrycloth 10th Jul 2013, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
Rain of Fire is not a good choice to use as a diversion, even if you dial down the power until it's mostly nonlethal.

Medieval villages have thatched roofs on their huts. Who knew?
Guest 8th Nov 2013, 7:02 PM edit delete reply
In one of my campaigns, I used an Acid Splash spell on a PC Paladin when I tried to start a confrontation. I was a Drow Warmage Lv 1, and he challenged me to a duel. Unfortunately for him he didn't say no magic, so I used the spell and messed up his face leaving him with memorable scar across the left side of his face.
InvisibleDale 9th Jul 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Wish I could have went. ;_;
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 6:50 AM edit delete reply
Me too! None of these Pony cons are near my area and we have this huge convention center for them. Tourist trap city without tourists! D:
ThousandYearSunrise 9th Jul 2013, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
Man, somehow your Diamond Dogs are WAY creepier than the ones from the show. Kudos.
Oblivious 9th Jul 2013, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
So if you're gonna be setting up a celebrity D&D event, means you're a celebrity, right? Spud's moving up in the world of Internets.
Raxon 9th Jul 2013, 6:09 AM edit delete reply
I knew him when he was just a wee little internet comic artist. *sniff* Our little fuzzy's growing up so fast!
Daeron 9th Jul 2013, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
Or is she...?

Dun Dun Dun!

No, wait that's twilight. Nevermind!
Guest 9th Jul 2013, 9:08 AM edit delete reply
Skipping past the complaint and right to the humor, immortality came up a fair bit in a campaign I'm currently in... other things to.

It became glorious clockwork, that somehow stayed funny:

You aren't immortal!
Response: ...yet!

You can't survive a black hole!

The demons have no reason to bow down and worship you!

Alas, the gag seems to have run its course:
We've reached the time past 'yet'. ;)
waffle911 9th Jul 2013, 9:01 AM edit delete reply
Here's a song I feel fits rather well.

What in the world are you doin' here?
Your kind isn't used to life underground!
You should'a turned, walked away from here…
But that doesn't mean you can't stick around!

Don't you escape, this will make you unable!
Let's get a saddle to keep it stable!
Let's get you workin' now, you're in the company of…
Shink 9th Jul 2013, 9:37 AM edit delete reply
Not a spell, but back in the first days of Shadowrun Physical Adepts (the easily exploited version), I had some trouble with a magical affinity with blades.

My low-social char was expected to delay a couple of Lone Stars in their squad car while the rest of the team worked their magic. Unfortunately, the Stars weren't buying my char's act and getting most antsy.

My call was to hit them both -- nicely lined up as they were, and with my ungodly combat pool, speared both of them right through their necks with one shot.

I was then angrily informed that killing cops is a... very bad thing to do. The entire area was soon swarming with patrols, shutting down any and all illegal activities we might want to attempt.

Just sticking our heads out of a hole was apparently frowned upon. Who knew?
Robin Bobcat 9th Jul 2013, 10:25 AM edit delete reply
I shall simply put forth the lovely spell my 2nd edition wizard came up with:

Create Oatmeal.

When cast, creates a cubic yard of hot, steaming oatmeal.

Thousands.. ok, hundreds... dozens? of applications. I mean, sure, you can eat it. A cubic yard of oatmeal will feed a small army. It also is edible by horses, oxen, and other critters. It dries rock-hard, so can be used to make temporary fortifications (even sod-type housing, if you've a mind). Repel sieges by dropping it on the guys climbing the ladders! It's slippery, too! Cast it up high, and it'll render a good 10x10 area pretty impassable. It'll block doors, too. Put out fires!...

I'm starting to sound like Dr Bronner here, but you get the idea.
Digo 9th Jul 2013, 10:29 AM edit delete reply
All this and it's heart healthy too!
Rokas 9th Jul 2013, 2:17 PM edit delete reply
Best. Spell. Ever.
mouse 9th Jul 2013, 4:04 PM edit delete reply
And that is how you know magic is not real...if it were, you could solve nearly any problem just by abusing the most mundane of spells.
And if that were possible you'd see animals and plants abusing it to no end too. Nature does not ignore anything that could be a possible advantage. (Take a look into quantum biology sometime: )
Guest 11th Jul 2013, 11:17 AM edit delete reply
It kind of sounds like you're assuming certain things about the way magic would work if it were real, but I suppose it doesn't matter...
ionotter 9th Jul 2013, 9:37 PM Oatmeal... edit delete reply
In a campaign many moons ago, some pirates attacked our ship and used Greek Fire against us. They mostly missed, but got the starboard side with a splash, so our hull was on fire.

My character knew that the ship's cook had been making supper, so he ran below and grabbed the kettle of oatmeal that had been cooking. He dumped it over the side, right along the hull, and voila!

Class-bravo fire is out! Reflash watch set!
Zarhon 9th Jul 2013, 12:27 PM edit delete reply
Man, the middle-sized Diamond Dog has a really weird looking mouth/jaw. An uncanny-valley jaw with a void within it and a weird, immovable underbite.

That, and it looks like a muppet.
Brainstorm 9th Jul 2013, 2:08 PM edit delete reply
So... Newbiespud, which of the systems you got to try did you like better? I'm always on the lookout for a chance to tabletop rp some pones.

For what it's worth, got to try the Savage Worlds of MLP for exactly one session. My unicorn filly grew into a giant and scared the piss out of some timberwolves. And also dropped thirty pounds of topsoil on them. Fun!
Zakaz 9th Jul 2013, 3:54 PM edit delete reply
In a recent game, I was a neutral rougue called Zakaz and I didn't have a specific 'spell.' However, I did have a magical dagger called Jo'nohur. It could talk, but It's defining feature was it's ability to control ants and, strangely, the ability to change gender.

I would literally solve any problem with this dagger. I could summon billions of ants to move boulders or devour enemies. The gender part was kind of helpful with diplomacy.

Then the DM revealed that in order to continue to work, the Dagger required a connection.

Our Chaotic-neutral barbarian then proceeded to slice open my stomach and implant the blade before the DM finished talking.

Then came the kicker. The DM explained that because of the physical bond, I could use the ants indefinitely. Bad news was, every time I did, I'd change gender. As the barbarian had been the one to form the connection between me and the dagger, he fell in love with my female persona. None of the other characters knew of the curse.

Stupidly, I had relied on the ants so much that I had no choice but to keep using them.

Zakaz/Zakaria is still alive and well, living underground as an ant queen, remaining female.
Zakaz 10th Jul 2013, 1:14 PM edit delete reply
Continuing on from my story, here is another one.

I was once playing a split-personality, neutral bard called Tanya, who's fatal flaw was her hatred of chickens. She would openly attempt to murder any chicken she found, even in the middle of combat. It became a regular thing for the DM to throw a chicken into the game at random intervals.

Anyway, we were progressing through a campaign, happy that we had just saved a farmer from a cannibalistic tribe. We passed another farm, when the DM mentioned 'chicken'

After a quick check resulting in a natural 20, we discovered the farm bred millions upon millions of chickens.

And thus occured the greatest bloodbath we have ever seen, even greater than the time we slaughtered a whole village. No Chicken was left alive.

At the end, the DM said that as a 'reward' he would give me a spell.

Summon Demon-fowl.

Let that sink in. Demon-fowl. Literally, an undead demon chicken that would fight for you. There was no limit on how many chickens could be summoned. This led to my greatest achievement ever.

Master chickeneer. Meaning, I ruled over an army of undead chicken and killed them off at will. My second in command was called Lucy, and she had a spotted beak. We used the bodies and eggs as food and the feathers for warmth.

And nothing feels better than smothering a sleeping enemy with a chicken.

Now whenever we see a chicken in any of the other campaigns, somebody shouts "Look out for that Bard, Chicken!" Which really confuses newcomers.
Curb 9th Jul 2013, 4:17 PM edit delete reply
Not sure if I posted this here, but it's pretty funny.

We were playing D&D a while back and my brother and I were wererats, he was a mage I was a fighter. We ended up (in human form) in a very very old tavern in the city. Turns out the DM decided to start a fight between us and the guards, who were looking for someone who was invovled with some rather shady stuff we did earlier. We were outnumbers, outgunned (or is it outsworded??) when my brother got the 'brilliant idea' of how to get us out of it. He cast burning hands and slammed them onto the ancient bar...which burst into flames, tall glorious flames! Burned the tavern to the ground, as well as about four other buildings, while we slipped out the back through the chaos. Needless to say, we never went back to that town....ever.

Recently, while test gaming Canterlot Chronicals, my Rifts style anthro MLP game, we had a minor incident when Derpy accidently woke an ancient Arcane Warmachine. It rampaged around for a few good turns, doing massive damage, till Derpy told it to stop...and the damn thing stopped. Turns out, Derpy's mind linked with it's Cortex when she activated it and it only obeyed her commands. So now we have Derpy with a 12 foot tall arcane weapon that does her biding...including carrying her muffins. We nearly died laughing when she made it stop and scolded it and had it fix the mess.
AlphaTHroughZeta 9th Jul 2013, 6:27 PM edit delete reply
InvisibleDale 10th Jul 2013, 6:53 AM edit delete reply
ROFL! That's Derpy for you.
Demonu 9th Jul 2013, 6:11 PM edit delete reply
In a friend's homebrewed system, I once created an expy of the Martian Manhunter solely to exploit one of his obscure Silver Age powers.
Care to guess which one?

He can create ice cream with his mind.

Just let that sink in for a bit. Mind ice cream. And the way it was build, there was no limit to how much ice cream my character could think into existence.

Believe me when I say that there is no (superhero) problem that can't be solved by throwing infinite amounts of ice cream at it.

I am forever banned within that system to play said character because when you've slain a dragon-demigod with nothing but ice cream, there isn't much else the DM can throw at you that even remotely constitutes a challenge.

Good times ^^
Zeeth 10th Jul 2013, 3:42 AM edit delete reply
Actually, there's a second-string superhero called the Black Hole, whose power is that he has some sort of black hole embedded in his body. When he activates it, he can swallow anything in infinite amounts. So when the Black Hole sucks, whatever he targets is gone.

Then pair that guy with a villain in disguise. As long as the bad guy keeps up the illusion that he's not at fault for whatever's going down, you have something that really can't be stopped by infinite amounts of anything!
Malroth 10th Jul 2013, 4:02 AM edit delete reply
some evil mysterious power has covered the city with 20 feet of icecream, you heroes need to evacuate the civilans in the shopping mall before the roof colapses from the icecream crushing and feezing everyone.
Demonu 10th Jul 2013, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
Create pillars of ice to support the roof while the civilians evacuate.

Alternatively (or used simultaneously) create a torrent of half molten ice and flush everyone out. Obviously ^^
Midnight Blaze 10th Jul 2013, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
Actually there was an obscure comicbook in which one of the characters used a magic food-producing pail to kill a dragon by force-feeding it ice cream. So, yeah, I think precedent for that.
Indalecio 9th Jul 2013, 6:12 PM edit delete reply
In a currently ongoing game of Pony Tales, the unicorn Coffee Mug(myself) and the party have just entered the Dream realm to save two NPCs. Feeling a bit boldened by being inside the dream realm and its mutability, I decided to get a bit experimental. I created two cans of 'Red Minotaur' energy drink, because 'they give you wings'. Coffee and another PC drank them, and hey! it worked! Except, the wings were on our character flanks, and weren't that big. Trying to fix this, I tried creating two self-help books on improving body self-image, in hopes of at least moving the wings to the right anatomical area. I roll a '1' on my arcane check. Oops. It all worked out in the end, as I used UT to turn the 1 into a natural 20, but it could've been very bad.
The Captain 9th Jul 2013, 7:46 PM edit delete reply
The Captain
Ah, yes, Everfree Northwest was amazing. I would've gone to the game room to find you, Newbiespud, but I thought that would have been kind of strange and a lack of time prevented me regardless.

My friends and I play a pony version of 4e that we modified ourselves, it works quite nicely!
Wyvern 9th Jul 2013, 10:08 PM edit delete reply
I missed Everfree Northwest, being at GearCon about 200 miles south. Some lessons from the other convention:

* If a drunk woman disrupts LARPing to the extent of getting kicked out of the hotel and arrested on Friday, the rest of the games seem quite pleasant and low-stress.
* Eight pounds of Red Vines licorice is not too much for a weekend; fans can eat all of it.
* Costuming is much easier for steampunk than for MLP.
* The after party is a fine time for a pillow fort and Nerf gun battle.
Robin Bobcat 10th Jul 2013, 12:29 PM edit delete reply
Point Number Three: What about Steampunk MLP?
Syth 10th Jul 2013, 12:51 AM edit delete reply
Under no circumstances am I allowed to use the spell, Dispell Magic, ever again.

We were playing a Ravenloft Variant: lots of vampires, ties to the earth, and world ending stuff.

We'd finally stormed the castle and were challenging the count in his own domain, fighting through waves and waves of undead creatures and abominations. We had to put down old friends and noble foes that the count had rezed to fight us psychologically as well as physically but none of us went coo-coo. Yet.

Our goal was to reach the Day Heart. A powerful artifact made by, in this game, by the Goddess of Light and Law. Count Strahd had apparently been draining the item of it's power to give him and his lieutenants sunlight immunity and make a race of day walker vampires to crush the planet with a enslave all the living races.

As the bard, we make it to the tower the Day Heart is residing in after fighting three epic boss battles in row: leaving an entire wing of the castle ripped away into the etherial plane, 65% of the castle on fire and growing, and enough charges in the dungeon that when we're done with our business the whole castle is going to be at the bottom of the cliff it sits on top of. The entire time the DM is looking at the clock and taking notes of how long it's taking us to steam roll through his hardest traps and encounters.

Finally we meet the count in his lair at the tallest tower, defending the gem bodily himself. And after seeing the item I roll my Bardic Knowledge. I crit, and find that Strahd can't actually finish the process himself. He needs a mortal to destroy the artifact and it's power. We roll initative and no surprise the Dread Vampiric Lord wins. He then proceeds to dominate my character. We had arcane protections placed on us for 12 hours, and wouldn't you know it, we were before the Count in hour 13. I botch my Will save and the count forces me to cast Lesser Dispel Magic on the Day Heart. With all it's other defenses down because of the vampire the item shattered and was absorbed into him.

I ended all free mortal life on the planet.
Midnight Blaze 10th Jul 2013, 11:09 AM edit delete reply
Syth 11th Jul 2013, 1:03 AM edit delete reply
Thank you. Oddly enough that wasn't the end of the story for us or our doomed world.

The DM, flabbergasted that we fell for such an easy death/you-got-da-bad-end-sucka had to excuse herself from the room to laugh her ass off and almost puke up the wine cooler she was chugging while adding up the damage of destroying a Goddess Artifact.

So eventually we wake up in what ever afterlife we had coming based on what Goddess we worshiped was. Mine was the Goddess of Time, a clock work/Metropolis kinda gal. She just looks down at me and says in her own ye olde way, "You done bucked up son."

What followed was a twisted and very entertaining in campaign version of Planescape: Torment. I did get revenge, at the cost of a hand and my favorite lute. I was thankful that I took that Improvised Weapon feat, Strahd never thought I'd snap my lute and use it to stake his ass!
Asheram 10th Jul 2013, 2:56 PM edit delete reply
Let's see here. The most trouble.

That'd probably be trouble with the DM after I filled a bag with explosive runes and nuked a dragon into oblivion with it. (Failed aoe dispel, cheezy and will only work Once, but it was fun to watch the DMs face as he started to roll for damage)
Spikewerks 10th Jul 2013, 5:21 PM edit delete reply
My grandfather played classic D&D with his college professor buddies way way back, so I hear loads of great stuff. But by far, my favorite story... Well, let's start at the middle:

The wizard says "I cast Fireball."

The DM had spent an agonizing amount of time, weeks or months or even more, building a desert temple dungeon, with one subterranean room in particular holding a massive trove of loot, including very, very rare spell scrolls. When the party came upon the room, the door sloooooowly creaking open, the DM begins describing its contents...

The wizard says "I cast Fireball," and hurls the spell into the room before anyone can do anything else.

Did I mention this was a desert dungeon?

The dry air combined with the large amount of flammable material left the room completely decimated after the spell's impact. In stunned silence, the DM got up from the table, took the notes of the room, and threw them into the wastebin. He then described the room as merely a cell full of soot, and that there was absolutely nothing of note to be found.

The wizard was not very popular for the rest of forever.
Oreogolem 10th Jul 2013, 6:22 PM edit delete reply
And it was fun playing with you, Applejack-spud. This one hopes they get a slightly bigger gaming room though. Or maybe just more chairs.
Norakos 10th Jul 2013, 8:21 PM edit delete reply
That's easy, summon monster II. Octopi, that is all.

Vulpixel 10th Jul 2013, 9:59 PM edit delete reply
Bah, I missed you in the card game room. Regardless, I had some fun watching (and joining in for a sliver) a homebrew roleplay. I would love to see a celebrity D&D. No combat needed, just let them run around rolling D20's, what could possibly go wrong?!
kriss1989 13th Jul 2013, 11:36 PM edit delete reply
Roleplaying is Magic? I need a link here!