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13th Jul 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
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darkwulf23 13th Jul 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
That was a perfect display of role reversal. Congrats.
Digo 13th Jul 2013, 6:12 AM edit delete reply
I know! I'd do a standing ovation if somehow Spud could see beyond this post of text.
Zuche 13th Jul 2013, 6:38 AM edit delete reply
Very well done. The only thing missing is the authorial comment, but what could follow this?
Lyntermas 13th Jul 2013, 9:07 AM edit delete reply
...Did not see that coming. And as master of alt-scripts, that's saying something. Kudos, Spud, very well done.

"How will Rarity get out of this one, folks? Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!"
Emptybee 13th Jul 2013, 9:14 AM edit delete reply
That was glorious.
Philadelphus 13th Jul 2013, 11:34 AM edit delete reply
Wow. That Nicely done there Newbiespud.
Midnight Blaze 13th Jul 2013, 12:24 PM edit delete reply
Ah! And now someone finally points out a few things. I, personally, have always thought of Celestia as somepony that's been around a really long time and is magically linked to the sun. She didn't even inherit the throne, she and Luna just took over after defeating Discord.
Wyvern 13th Jul 2013, 9:11 PM edit delete reply
What's to inherit - they're nigh immortal anyway. Celestia and Luna control the sun and the moon; they control the night and the day. Luna even visits people in her dreams, apparently at will anywhere in Equestria. They froze Discord into a statue for a thousand years - paralyzed and conscious. They threw King Sombra into an arctic abyss. Celestia banished Nightmare Moon into the sky for a thousand years. I don't know what the hoof she'll do to Queen Chrysalis, but I don't expect her back soon.

It's not even so much that Princess Celestia TOOK power; rather, she HAS power, and lets the mechanisms of state save her the trouble of showing up to personally extract ursa minors from Ponyville or dragons from mountaintops. Besides, such matters let her do what she can't do by magic: training up new princesses.
Bramble 14th Jul 2013, 5:25 AM edit delete reply
Well, except in canon timeline, Celestia and Luna *didn't* turn Discord into a statue, and Celestia didn't banish Nightmare Moon - the elements of harmony did that. Nightmare Moon *defeated* Celestia, twice. Once, 1000 years ago, and the defeated Celestia had to use the Elements of Harmony as a last resort, and once in modern-day Equestria, when she banished Celestia to the sun.

And the reason the elements banished / entombed these villains was mainly because the targets were unable to face the truth of things. When the Elements were used on Nightmare Moon the second time, she was open to change instead of being consumed by jealousy - and thus they returned her to herself instead of banishing her.

And less 'canon' and more 'I kinda thought - ' I thought all the ice and snow was because of Sombra, given how the parts cut off from Sombra had springlike weather, but the parts Sombra dominated had snow and ice.
Zakaz 16th Jul 2013, 3:33 PM edit delete reply
I've always seen it that all Unicorns could raise and lower the sun and moon, but Celestia and Luna's special talents are to be much more gifted in that area.

I reckon Twilight could do it, given the right book.

On a side note, does anybody else think Sombra's cutie mark is a slinky or an escalator?
Bramble 17th Jul 2013, 2:27 AM edit delete reply
Given that the show tells us that the unicorns *did* raise the sun and moon before Celestia and Luna came along... yes, they can!
Summoned Singer 15th Feb 2014, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
Summoned Singer
Hated and anger feed windigoes.
BadHorse 13th Jul 2013, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
Man, she is REALLY good at finding gems.
BadHorse 13th Jul 2013, 6:04 AM edit delete reply
Tell a story about a time when you were unreasonably successful at something.
Digo 13th Jul 2013, 6:15 AM edit delete reply
I may have told this story before, but in a super hero campaign, my alien manhunter managed to convince the homeless population under a highway bridge in Miami to take down a prominent street gang. XD

All I did was supply the food and homemade weapons. With enough motivation, you can convince humans to do anything!
Raxon 13th Jul 2013, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
There was this time when I played a brain damaged illithid who thought he was human, and assumed that when women fainted, they were swooning, because he was such a stud. Also, he quested to find the villain responsible for taking his junk, because apparently illithid are sort of sexless.

Perfect twenties on seduction checks of an elven queen ensues, and since he lacked the necessary tackle, he had to get creative.

And I am no longer allowed to play an illithid. Ever again. My character seduced the virgin queen, and by virtue of winning her favor, and seducing her, she fell in love with him.

And that is the story of Rocky Tentacles, the illithid porn star, and how he became king of the elves. Also, I am no longer allowed to supply my own sleazy jazz music as I describe anything my character does. Since it turns out an illithid's junk in in his mouth, I am not allowed to linger on that thought as I lavishly describe how he is opening a bottle of wine with his strong, supple man tentacles.
Boden King 13th Jul 2013, 1:54 PM edit delete reply
List of things Raxon is no longer allowed to do.

We need to come together and write this.
andreas002 13th Jul 2013, 6:32 AM edit delete reply
Unreasonably successful? That reminds me of the time we rolled a triple natural 20 on an orientation check.
Our DM ruled that a giant arrow appeared in the sky pointing to exactly where we needed to go.
Raxon 13th Jul 2013, 6:36 AM edit delete reply
When I roll an orientation check, it usually points to the nearing creature with legs.

But my characters are troublesome that way.
Keairan 13th Jul 2013, 6:41 AM edit delete reply
The first time I played live action DnD, I played a minotaur barbarian (because none of us understood what level adjustment meant) and here I am with a spot check of 25. I roll a 42, and my dm describes the details of the buttons on the soldier I spotted. Queue laughter from everyone at the table at the ridiculously high roll.
CJS 13th Jul 2013, 7:03 AM edit delete reply
We have a cavalier in our Pathfinder party who is ridiculously successful on Diplomacy checks. On more than one occasion, when confronted with a hostile group of bandits, she has managed to roll high enough to persuade the bandits to not only refrain from attacking, but also to return their ill-gotten gains and give up banditry altogether.

It's actually rather frightening.
TechUnadept 15th Jul 2013, 9:54 PM The Slayers edit delete reply
So, she's basically playing Lina?
guy 8th May 2014, 12:46 PM edit delete reply
No; that would be intimidate.
And liberal amounts of fire.
Anonymouse 13th Jul 2013, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
During the very first tabletop game I ever played (it was a homebrew d100 system)my character was a monk with moderately high strength and charisma. At one point the party was hanging out at the docks when we were approached by a group of bandits who wanted to rob us. I stepped forward and tried to make a persuade check to convince them that they did not in fact want to do that. It failed, and they started laughing at be before deciding to attack. We rolled initiative and I rolled a natural 20, so I went first, walked up to their leader, and punched him right in his face. Roll for accuracy: I rolled a 1 (in this system, a critical hit) then rolled for damage: I rolled max damage, which was doubled by the critical, and successfully punched his head clear off of his shoulders. The bandits stopped laughing, and I asked if I could make an intimidate check to scare them away, it was allowed, and I rolled a d20: Natural 20! The remaining bandits ran the hell away from the area, leaving a trail of yellow liquid in their wake.
Syth 13th Jul 2013, 7:40 AM edit delete reply
In Dnd 2.0 my thief, despite being told not to cause a ruckus getting out of a warehouse, ran into a huge minotaur blocking his and the bards path out of the locked storage they just picked their way out of.

The bard is wearing too noisy an armor to try to sneak past, never mind the fighter and the dwarven cleric behind him. So what do I do? Back stab the Level 7 minotaur fighter in the back of the neck by diving down from a stack of crates with my level 3 thief.

Nat 20, the DM didn't even roll for damage. I took the things head clean off.Eventually turned his horn in to a drinking goblet, and when I got into later levels I had it enchanted with Bull's Strength to add to my Back Stab damage.

For the irony.
Tatsurou 13th Jul 2013, 1:07 PM edit delete reply
Unreasonably successful? I've actually got a few stories for that. Let's see...

Ah! Here's a good one.

I was playing the villain in the campaign (not the DM, just the bad guy...not unlike Annie playing Vader in Darths and Droids) and, as part of my set up for the character, I was allowed to include 7 in-world research resources and three out-world research resources.
My seven in world resources involved complete bios on all of the heroes and their families, along with a book of demonic law.
My three out-world resources were:
1. An advanced chemistry book (we were playing high fantasy campaign)
2. A psychology text
3. A complete copy of the Evil Overlord's List

I ran my entire empire campaign off the list, and used my magic in conjunction with the science (Why summon an earth elemental when you can summon a titanium elemental?), and used heavy psychological manipulation both on my subjects AND on the heroes.

It took seventeen sessions before the good-aligned players even reached my fortress, and 12 more for them to get through. Then I pulled the worst thing on them I could imagine.

Me: Welcome! I'm so glad you could make it here. Now, I'm sure you are here to kill me and want to destroy my empire, but...this is an illusion spell. Your Evil Overlord is in another castle. Oh, and this castle is going to self destruct in...15 minutes. Since you've already disposed of all the monsters I had working here and my spells show my human workforce have obeyed the regulations for heroic intrusion to evacuate, I have no guilt in resetting all the traps and hazards you just spent several hours working your way through to get here. Have fun!

At 14 minutes gone, when they were nowhere near the exit, another hologram popped up.

Me: I just thought I'd mention, fighting you has been a great deal of fun, so I didn't place any barriers to teleportation magic, so if any of you know Exit...I'll see you again soon. If not, have a nice afterlife!
DungeonMiner 13th Jul 2013, 2:47 PM Lurker edit delete reply
That was almost as brilliant as the comic...
DungeonMiner 13th Jul 2013, 3:10 PM Lurker edit delete reply
Alright. Hey guys, long-time Lurker here, decided to post for once.

My story takes place in the game of Mini-Six. Mini-Six being an open d6 system that's much better than the rest of them.

So my brother is the DM (a little inexperienced is he)and his friend is playing the human...paladin(?) Blitzkrieg. I am playing the Dwarven Goblin Hunter Kartok Doomfinder.

Now, Kartok is ridiculous when it comes to the axe. He frequently one-shots anything that stands before him, and hits often. He also has magical tattoos that allow him to cast spells. I was able to barter for an one-point cheaper price on the spell casting by taking the disadvantage that I can't earn new spells without going through a massive side quest to learn to make more.

Blitzkrieg sucks.

My brother knows these things.

So, my dwarf is led into a barbarian camp, Blitzkrieg disguised as a barbarian himself, with me being the mock prisoner. Suddenly, the DM throws a fast one on us, and I get tossed into a cell, which locks behind me, and Blitzkrieg is left to defend himself against an ambush.

Now, one of the spells at my disposal is "change shape" which is horribly OP in Mini-Six, as I was about to learn.

So, I get into my head to transform into a drake, smashing open the door, and eating anything in my path. I don't make it with the scale difference penalty, so I'm about ready to call it a failure, when my brother, who, again, is inexperienced, decides to throw me a bone and says I can transform into a smaller creature, free of charge.

Now my brain kicks into gear.

I check the poison rules and ask what the damage would be for a cobra's venom.

He says four dice.

I say, I transform into a cobra.

Now, my dear brother thinks, "yes! Bwahaha! once he slithers out of the cell, I will crush him! Especially now since he doesn't have his armor to defend him."

I say I strike at the barbarian from behind the cell door.

He blinks.


He's next to me, right?


So I can attack him, right? I mean, I'm striking at him, that's a vertical movement if anything...

"I...uh...guess you're right..."

So I bite him, next round, dies of poison.

I then slither through a crack in the cell to the next one, where, because of my small size and color, they fail to see me, and I make repeated sneak attacks on them, and they continue to die of poison.

Final kill count:
Blitzkrieg: 2
Kartok: 9

It was a good day.
Kynrasian 13th Jul 2013, 5:13 PM edit delete reply
Well, now that you mention it.

So a good few pages ago, I told you about how I'd been geassed into leading the party to a tower inhabited by the evil wizard we'd recently killed. What I didn't mention then was that once we reached the building, but before entering, we came to a garden or courtyard where some orcs and a troll were trying to beat down the door in order to get to the wizard. So far they'd been met with no success and we managed to negotiate their aid in return for helping break down the gate. After a short search around the building our halfling rogue finds a handheld battering ram and hands it to the troll, who then uses it and fails to open the door. Considering that it grants Advantage (roll 1d20 twice and take the higher result) and that he was a troll and therefore had a high strength, this was a fairly notable failure on his part.

After this, me and our dwarf cleric pick up the ram and try using it. Because there's two of us, not only do we gain advantage but the result gets +2 bonus. This also fails, at which point I'm about to risk angering the orcs and throw a fireball at the door.

That's when our rogue steps up to the door, cracks his knuckles and takes on the door. By himself.

Without the ram.

Meaning to be cynical about our history with the dice, I say "20" as the die hits the board.

I hate being right. It landed on a 20 and the door swung open.

The halfling, who had thus far failed to resist any attempt at throwing him, grabbing him, lifting him or otherwise taking advantage of his small stature, managed to open the door which a troll, some orcs, a dragonborn sorcerer and a dwarf cleric could barely even budge in the slightest using the right tools.

Needless to say, he won't let us forget that.
Brickman 14th Jul 2013, 6:18 PM edit delete reply
@Kynrasian: The correct response in this situation is, of course, to immediately insist "I loosened that!"
Anvildude 13th Jul 2013, 5:40 PM edit delete reply
Now I know I've told this one before, but lets tell it again, for the new guys.

Playing a Pathfinder campagin- I'm a Gnomish Spellslinger (magic gunman wizard) in a party full of Dwarven Rogues and Elvish Rangers and whatnot.

We're in a cavern chasing after.. something. Can't remember what. But anyways, we come across a party of Orcs (that are definitely the Bad Guys). The entire party, for whatever reason, decided that being Master Linguists would be a cool thing, so everyone has points in Linguistics- we all speak Orcish, is the short of it.

I have Auditory Illusions of various kinds, and the Orcs don't know we're there.

I sneak up on them. I cast one of those ventriloquist type spells, and using my Knowledge: Religion, I manage to convince most of the Orcs that I am their God. All of them, except one, who happens to be the leader. The others start doubting as well, and they're about to go looking for the party.

Did I mention that the voice spell didn't actually change my voice? So this is a weedy little Gnome voice claiming to be the god of the Orcs.

So I do a Called Shot with my magical pistol, and roll a Nat 20, Crit Damage, and blast his head off.

I manage to spin this into my "Truly being their god" and order them to combat each other to prove their worth in my eye- so the Orcs all kill each other for us.
Malik 13th Jul 2013, 5:53 PM edit delete reply
In a session of Expedition to Castle Ravenloft, we had a certain wizard. He was noble-blooded, and carried a rapier as a status symbol, though he had no Idea how to use it. We had just interrupted a cult's demon summoning ritual, and thought things were going well.

That is, we had three rounds to kill all the participants of the ritual, or the demon would come in anyway, but we were making fair progress. Following a round of botched rolls, there were enough cultists still standing for a Balor to step through the portal; our dear wizard happened to be standing next to the entry point.

Mind you, until this point, the Wizard had never yet participated in a physical combat. Nevertheless, he took advantage of his Quick Draw feat, intended for wands and staves, to draw his rapier, and made a single attack.

He rolled a natural twenty. The critical confirmation was also a twenty. So was the following roll.

Our wizard, having never brandished a sword in earnest, inadvertently killed the Balor in one shot, spearing it through the its heart and banishing it back to the abyss.

The party gaped. The Wizard gaped. The Cultists gaped.

And they promptly surrendered.
Digo 14th Jul 2013, 5:23 PM edit delete reply
Awesome shot there!
Glad he wasn't the kind of Balor that exploded.
Demonu 13th Jul 2013, 6:36 PM edit delete reply
"Tell a story about a time when you were unreasonably successful at something."

Just about every other Persuasion roll I make in my Skype Pony Tales (Shadow Walkers) due to obscene bonuses to the skill checks XD

Current game: just convinced a demi-god abomination that my own character is a god as well. Had a +60 modifier for Persuasion. The result was 85. I rolled a 2. Yeah ^^
(good old team mates chucking in magic points :p)
terrycloth 13th Jul 2013, 6:43 PM edit delete reply
We were in Eberron, and I was playing a bard because, well, I was sick of playing pure casters and warriors. So, we get into combat with this giant ancient warforged that's kicking the party around like a hoofball. The only reason the fighter survived the second round was that the wizard cast 'summon minor speedbump' and it couldn't charge him after he tumbled away.

So, first round was bard song, second round haste like in every tough fight, and I'm like 'what now?' Normally I'd charge with my spear but that was looking like a bad idea. My only offensive spell was the first level 'hideous laughter', and this is a giant golem...

No, wait, it's a giant warforged. They aren't immune to mind-control. Worth a try.

He fails. Turns out giant fighter types have crappy will saves, even if they're 'living constructs'.

...that was basically the end of the fight. The boss wasn't technically helpless while rolling on the ground laughing, but the entire party focusing fire managed to take him out in the 6 rounds where he wasn't allowed to do anything.


Or, for a more recent story, I have a kitsune summoner who turned invisible and snuck around the enemy castle. The plan was to open the gate to make it easier to storm the castle, but that wasn't practical because the gate took two strong people to open and was also well-guarded. So instead I found a route between all the patrols, and managed to sneak the entire party into the basement without alerting any of the guards. Even the cleric in plate mail (thank you Silence).
The Captain 13th Jul 2013, 8:43 PM edit delete reply
The Captain
I have had many a point when members of my group were unreasonably successful at painfully mundane tasks. Simple things like opening locked chests, opening locked doors, or throwing skeletons into walls. The first two were examples of my players rolling natural twenties on hard checks to opened locked things. This usually ends with them describing how the item in questions exploded into fragments.

The skeleton being thrown into a wall was the result of a combined roll between my character and another party member. I rolled an 18 and he rolled a 19. With modifiers, we sent that skeleton flying. He too exploded in a glorious fashion upon making contact with the wall.

My players and I love rolling high, but then, who doesn't?
Malroth 14th Jul 2013, 1:55 AM edit delete reply
Anyone playing Paranoia. Nat 20 auto fails Nat 1 auto succeeds. All Hail friend computer
kriss1989 13th Jul 2013, 11:43 PM edit delete reply
The party warlock managed to bluff the soulless death machines into accepting self-destruct orders by guessing the logarithmic individual access identification matrix for the unit he was impersonating. And he did it via roleplay, no dice rolls involved.

Remember that scene in Darth and Droids where the GM said that "there is no bluff skill high enough"? Our warlock looks and goes "done it".
Kadakism 14th Jul 2013, 4:44 AM edit delete reply
Burton LaMonte was my first in depth RPG character, and I didn't even create him. Our DM at the time was fed up with our inexperienced group's random-ass characters, so he made our next batch for us and randomly distributed them. Cue me rolling the Two Weapon Fighter, played as an arrogant, womanizing bastard. Pretty standard fare.

Burton could not fail. In the entire time I played him, I never rolled below an 18 on the d20. This pissed off my friend's character, a paladin, to no end. The two characters clashed because Burton regularly cockblocked the paladin and then stole the women he was after. I also decided that since Burton was pretty vain, he would flaunt his wealth in ridiculous ways. So when I grabbed a ruby as part of my take from a treasure hoard, I get it set into an eye patch as soon as I am able. Burton wasn't missing an eye, he just thought it made him look more rugged and dashing.

Some sessions later, we are in a dungeon, and there is a bridge hanging across a chasm with enemies on the other side. They hadn't spotted us yet, so I tie rope around my waist and give the other end to the paladin. I proceed to cross the bridge as quietly as I can, but fail a stealth check at about the halfway point. First failure of the game. The enemies see me and do the smartest thing they can think of: cut the bridge down.

So I fall, but the paladin's incredible strength saves me from falling. I start to climb, but its slow going and I ask the paladin to pull me up. He's still pissed that I took the ruby (he wanted to sell it and distribute it amongst the party) s well as a tavern owner's daughter the night before. So all I hear from the top of the cliff is:

"Throw away the eye patch first!"

I tell him to go screw himself, and he lets go of the rope (real paladin-like, I know). I'm barely holding onto the ledge and am about fifteen feet down. I ask the DM if I can make a jump check to try and make it at least a little higher. He allows it, but tells me it'll be really difficult. I roll. Natural 20. I leap up and back-flip over the paladin, earning even more of his ire and cementing myself as badass of the party forever.
Zontan 14th Jul 2013, 10:50 AM edit delete reply
I think I've told this story here before, but it's a great story, so I'll tell it again. I was GMing a game, and the players were currently on a mission from the local dragon king to try to figure out which of his advisors was trying to kill him.

The player's strategy? "We go to the advisor's house."

"You don't know where that is."

"We go to a random, fancy house!"

"There's no way that'll be relevant." So I roll a luck check for them. Natural 20.

"Fine, you find the house. It's locked. Do you have a way to get in?" (The party rogue had at this point, washed his hands of the whole escapade).

The wizard: "Acid orb! It's at-will!"

"Great, fine, you get in. You find a fancy house with nice furniture, a library, et cetera. Roll search checks."

Natural 18 and 20. So they find the book to pull to open the door down to the secret underground lab, where they find all sorts of useful alchemical items, which they 'confiscate'.

At this point, the town guard shows up, having been tipped off by the hole in the front door of a fancy estate, asking what the hell they were doing down there.

Now, the paladin had a holy book of prophecy, which he was following to try to save the world. It had the interesting property of having something useful and relevant to say whenever you opened it to a random page. So he showed it to the guards.

Another "You've got to be kidding me" check - natural 20. So at that point, I was like, fine, I give up. The guards read the piece of paper and were like, "Yes, this warrant seems to be in order, Mr. Watson. Why are you here?"

Paladin glances at the book himself and says, "Well, me and, uh... Holmes here (the wizard) were investigating the possibility of this man's involvement in the plot to kill the dragon lord. We are confiscating his equipment for further study."

"Very good. Please come by the station to officially submit the evidence against Mr. Moriarty. Good day."

I gave them both the achievement, "You should be in jail" because there's no way they should have gotten away with that.
aylatrigger 14th Jul 2013, 1:44 PM edit delete reply
In a few sentences: to get past a magistrate, we decided to distract him. My character was the only female, so the party asked if I would be willing to seduce him. As my character was an Avenger to the god Elysian, god of chaos, insanity, and 'making things more interesting', I agreed. However, my diplomacy sucked. My acrobatics was 14, however. Then our german-like mad-scientist alchemist said "I have zis pheromone..." The DM ruled if he rolled well on making it, it would boost my seduction. Natural 20. The DM ruled it added a full 20 to my roll. Later on, I did an...exotic dance... and also rolled 20. 54 total on a skill check where a 20 would probably succeed.
Spikewerks 14th Jul 2013, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
My bard managed to persuade a barkeep to give us discounted drinks at a tavern. Not free drinks, just discounted ones.
aylatrigger 14th Jul 2013, 6:12 PM edit delete reply
Oh, and there was that time back in the ancient days of 2nd edition...

I played with my two older brothers and my oldest brother's friend, Jeff. Jeff was really lucky with dice and all games, and was also a tactician. He had a fighter who worshipped the goddess of luck. Well, my oldest brother as GM had placed a Blue Dragon in our path. It was a rather large dragon, so no doubt this was no random encounter. Jeff's fighter, Laurant, goes up to the dragon brandishing his two rapiers. Double 20's. So he rolled again, as double crit. meant instant death. Double 20's again. After 4 20's and the dragon falling without landing a single blow, my brother ruled it was now just a random encounter.
Parchment Scroll 14th Jul 2013, 8:56 PM edit delete reply
Once upon a time, I was in a Gamma World campaign.

I was playing a mutant wolf. As a wolf, I had natural weapons (two claw strikes and a bite per round). As a mutant, I had the power of Time Distortion. During one of our journeys between villages in one adventure, we encountered a small group of monsters -- humanoid insects whose race name eludes me, as it's been YEARS since I played -- abducting a couple of children, and I saw an opportunity for heroism.

With, I thought, the rest of the party hot on my heels, I triggered my power and loped off after the creatures. I got a critical success on my power roll, tripling my movement rate and number of attacks per round. How I viewed this: There was no way those bug things were getting away from me, and the heavy hitters would be right behind me.

What actually happened: I wiped out the kidnapping party and still had five attacks left of my nine.

The GM took great delight in describing the post-combat carnage to the rest of the party when they arrived, complete with my character frothing at the mouth over the carcasses of our enemies.
Vulpibard 15th Jul 2013, 3:28 PM edit delete reply
Unreasonably successful? That would probably be when I was playing my Halfling rogue Cyde Notobe.

Pretty much a little bastion of greed and mischief that, during the first couple of sessions while others were trying to gather information on a magical tree of life and death, decided to look for the largest, wealthiest building in town.

I walked into the mayors house (without drawing any suspicion from guards) upon entering a maid tripped over me and fell face first into the food she was carrying. She rolled a natural 1 spot and I hurried on my way.

I ran up the stairs to find three doors, one labeled "Mayors Office." I thought that because of the time of day he would be in his office, so I went into one of the side doors.

And ran right into the mayor while he was changing.

Fortunately I was able to roll an 18 bluff to convince him I was there as a new assistant and walked right into his office.

After raiding the office of all the useful things I could, I strolled out of the building while the guards took the maniacal laughter as a sign I was having a good day.
xander129 14th Jul 2013, 9:10 PM Red edit delete reply
First time poster, long time lurker, here we go.

Doing a pathfinder campaign where I was part of an army for a kingdom sent to defeat some rebels, I am a Magus with 3 attack spells, the rest are ones i use for plans and such. I was known in this campaign as "The Bucket Wizard" (that's a story for another day) and i carried with me an Ivory bucket and a magic rapier.

Anyway to the story, my party, Me, a human with plate armor, 2 spiked shields and a ring of protection (the walking tank), and a Japanese ninja with a problem with "dishonor', were sent to a town to scout and remove the inhabitants, I was the only one to enter the town without being jailed (The ninja because he was stealing clothes for a disguise) or kicked out (The tank who could not convince them he wasn't part of the empire) i got in not by bluffing but by telling the truth, i don't care for sides so when they asked Why i was trying to enter town i said
"I had to leave my town because the empire is a bunch of a**holes" (I was forced to join the army so these were my feelings towards it) after which the DM said "Roll bluff"
"i'm not lying, they are A**holes"
"...fair enough" (he's a pretty cool DM)
I get into town and decide to visit the blacksmith. i talk to him and ask him about my blade and bucket and see if their magics could be combined (convincing him I know nothing of magic) later heading to a witches hut, shes out and i decide to try and get some sleep potions, i find 2 and return to town concealing them. once in i join the town guard and make the whole guard soup with 2 sleep potions in it. DM tells me they will take a while to take affect because they are mixed in with something.
They eat it and I make sure they all do.
after which I head into an empty house where i use Alter Self to make myself look like the scariest demon i could think of. Run outside, cast fireball on 2 houses use grease to light the ground around me. Roll for intimidate.
Nat 20
They flip their shit are everyone flees the town while i yell 'FOR THE EMPIRE" , I move all the sleeping guards to a far away field and the army shows up to find me and my group raiding the place

I probably could use some work on typing these.
Blyndir 13th Jul 2013, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
I do believe this is Karma.
Digo 13th Jul 2013, 6:13 AM edit delete reply
Karma? No.

Philadelphus 13th Jul 2013, 11:37 AM edit delete reply
It sounded kinda like dogma to me.
kriss1989 13th Jul 2013, 11:44 PM edit delete reply
*slow clap*
Tatsurou 13th Jul 2013, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Wow. Not only did you just world build up the wazoo there, but that shift in perspective and usage of the lines actually makes the Diamond Dogs the sympathetic characters, and it is hilarious! Good job!
Oblivious 13th Jul 2013, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
Awww, no author's note; Spud was too busy. :(
Newbiespud 13th Jul 2013, 11:23 AM edit delete reply
This was one of those times where I wanted the comic to speak for itself.

I also figured it'd fit in with the comic's title, for extra cleverness.
Philadelphus 13th Jul 2013, 11:39 AM edit delete reply
And I think that was the correct decision in this case.
Tywan Destru 13th Jul 2013, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
...I now want to aid the Diamond Dogs in a glorious uprising.
Raxon 13th Jul 2013, 6:37 AM edit delete reply
This could be so much more fun than the lunar republic!
Tywan Destru 13th Jul 2013, 6:52 AM edit delete reply
"Support your future Diamond Dog overlords! Taxes will be abolished! Jobs will be created! We shall-"

"Spot, shut up! This is why you can't be Goebbels."
Thar 13th Jul 2013, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
Wouldn't it be a 3-way war between the Solar Empire, Lunar Republic, and the Diamond Dog Rebellion Maximus?

Your right, it could be more fun!
Daeron 13th Jul 2013, 8:10 AM edit delete reply
All rise for the Diamond Dog National Anthem!
Sidnoea 13th Jul 2013, 7:24 AM edit delete reply
Dear God, that was brilliant.
Jason Shadow 13th Jul 2013, 7:27 AM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow
*slow clap*

Well done, Spud, well done indeed! Such a fun rant... If/when I get a microphone, I might just have to try voicing this.
Raxon 13th Jul 2013, 7:33 AM edit delete reply
Hey, not a bad idea... I could supply a decent voice recording, but sadly, I know nothing about youtube video making. And I do mean nothing.
NeutralDemon 13th Jul 2013, 7:41 AM edit delete reply
Dear Tsukiyo.
You took the "this is whining" scene and made it to point out all pony faults.
Bravo here is a cookie
InvisibleDale 13th Jul 2013, 7:52 AM edit delete reply
I nearly coughed my lungs up laughing so hard! That was a good, neigh, a great one, "DM". Nice turnabout there.
DoubleCross 13th Jul 2013, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
I believe this actually expresses some of my recent sentiments about western culture.
Newbiespud 13th Jul 2013, 11:31 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, I had to channel my inner cynic for this page, which is not something I like to do very often. I don't really like being negative about people and society in general (even though I was raised to be that way now that I think about it, given my parents' worldviews sometimes). I'm an optimist by default - I always assume the best first until I see otherwise. "Innocent until proven guilty." But even then, that deep-rooted cynic still remains, still ready to get angry first and never forgive. I try not to humor it.
DoubleCross 14th Jul 2013, 5:07 AM edit delete reply
I think I probably still am thinking 'innocent until proven guilty'.

There's just a hell of a lot of proof of guilt out there. I was just so stubbornly continuing saying 'innocent' that I ignored it.
TheStratovarian 13th Jul 2013, 9:42 AM edit delete reply
For all the area's he has a right by his perspective. For all his anger, or irk, at this, and its true, when you aren't of the main species, even not a subspecies, like an earth pony in canterlot. It is rough id bet. Yet, for all that, there is one thing you can say, and it will hurt, in the way real feeling does. Because he isn't wrong, and sometimes, even the worst of folks, just need something, and never does life really give it. When is the last time, anyone honestly meant in a d&d game to a villain that is acting as they are because they are scorned by what they are with the simple words but true words, "I'm sorry." ?
Tatsurou 13th Jul 2013, 7:55 PM edit delete reply
I actually did that once. My character's backstory involved an old friend of his that was assumed dead from an accident my character blamed himself for. It's what led him to become a Paladin and why he was so dedicated to helping ANYONE in need. (Read: lots of sidequests.)

Turned out, the fifth big bad we encountered in the campaign was my character's old friend, who survived the accident but thought he had been left to die. He had struggled to survive and made it, but came away horribly scarred and disfigured. Tis led to him being shunned by almost everyone he came across...except the previous three Big Bads we'd dealt with, who had become his surrogate family.

After the villainous monologue, where he revealed his identity and motivations, and his intentions to bring about our destruction and that of the entire world shortly after, I stepped forward. I called out to him, reciting every happy childhood memory we shared, of the pranks we'd pulled, of the laughs we'd shared, that one time we'd tricked his big sister's boyfriend into walking in on her in the shower...

As I recited each and every precious memory (with, apparently, enough emotion in it to get the other players and DM sniffling), I was walking slowly towards my old friend. In the end, as I stood right in front of him, he asked me what my point was.

I pulled him into a tight hug and whispered, "I'm sorry."

I kept saying it, over and over, refusing to let him go. I kept acing my grapple check and rolling well with my charisma (which was amongst my paladin's highest stats). I even got bonuses for describing the tears leaving trails on my dirt stained face. After a time, the Big Bad broke down and wept, returning the embrace.

My Paladin whispered, "I missed you, old friend. I failed to save you all those years ago, and I've never forgiven myself for it. it too late to save you now?"

The DM rolled the dice. I swear the entire table held its breath as that dice bounced.

He replied, "'s not..."

And that's how an epic level Lawful evil daemonoligist/necromancer/warlock joined a Lawful Good party of heroes as an allied NPC.
TheStratovarian 13th Jul 2013, 8:40 PM edit delete reply
Its a shame the dm didn't simply handwave that to good rp. More need to, but hot dang are those moments something you never forget when you awe the table with them.
Pinkius 13th Jul 2013, 8:47 PM edit delete reply
Well, the rolling of dice may have just been a tool to handwave it; he didn't say what the dice roll was. I'm hoping to DM sometime, it's what I think I'd do.
Tatsurou 13th Jul 2013, 11:34 PM edit delete reply
The dice was the old friend's will save verses alignment. I asked the DM later, and he said that if it had been ten or below, it would have been 'too late for him', and then I'd have had the emotional, "I may not be able to save your heart...but at least I can save your soul." Above ten would be the result we got. It turned up 20.
DungeonMiner 14th Jul 2013, 9:35 PM Lurker edit delete reply
Tatsurou 15th Jul 2013, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
Something else that happened later on in that same campaign.

When our - now amplified - group came to the next village, our NPC ally was getting the brunt edge of the villagers hostility and prejudice, because of his disfigurement and past. He was getting very down.

I got pissed. See, prejudice - of any sort - has always been a hot button issue for me. I tore into both the DM and the villagers simultaneously, verbally. I waxed eloquent. I don't remember everything I said, but it was a full blown lecture on knowing someone for who they are and not judging them for appearances, and of the true evils that come from hating someone for something they can't help. I think that speech lasted for a full hour, out of game.

...this is one time where the DM did handwave it. No real choice, when the end of a player speech has the entire rest of the group give a spontaneous standing ovation.

Anyway, the entire village repented for being so judgmental, and wound up becoming the epicenter of a new religion centered on the notion that "people are people whatever sort of people they are". Started pushing the entire area towards a sort of enlightenment.

Of course, my paladin got in trouble with the god he was dedicated to over that, but then I started arguing with the god about how - as a paladin of her - anything I did that enhanced my fame and reputation was to her benefit as she would gain new worshippers...and through the course of the discussion managed to convince the goddess to alter certain aspects of dogma to be more open and accepting of all people's.

At that point, the DM checked my stat sheet and saw I had a diplomacy of 2. The word of the day was, "HOW?"
Musicalgamer 13th Jul 2013, 9:58 AM edit delete reply
i need to find a better group for any form of D&D roleplaying, my group never does this at all.
Jason 13th Jul 2013, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
thumbs down
Walabio 13th Jul 2013, 12:11 PM ¡Slow congratulatory clop! edit delete reply
¡Slow congratulatory clop!


¡Clopping off!
Gyvon 13th Jul 2013, 2:58 PM edit delete reply
Jennifer 13th Jul 2013, 4:01 PM edit delete reply
Wow. Great subversion, great humor, great world building, great everything. I'll admit I was bored by the Diamond Dogs storyline, but this strip made up for it all!
Daeron 13th Jul 2013, 6:19 PM edit delete reply
You know he makes such and interesting argument that you almost forget he is forcing a pony into slavery.
kriss1989 13th Jul 2013, 11:49 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, he kinda sidestepped that part of her complaint didn't he, just so he could make a speciest rant.
The Captain 13th Jul 2013, 8:38 PM edit delete reply
The Captain
Ah, world building. Beautiful, beautiful world-building. I love it!
AJBulldis 13th Jul 2013, 9:40 PM edit delete reply
I like how she found all the gems while he was ranting. Seriously that's a full cart right there.
Tessa 13th Jul 2013, 9:43 PM edit delete reply
Oh my god, this is the most fantastic...I don't-I can hardly speak!
aqua 13th Jul 2013, 10:21 PM edit delete reply
this, this and so much more
AABaker 14th Jul 2013, 2:07 AM edit delete reply
So I'm playing a Gnome Bard in a campaign I'm currently. We were pushing our way into a dwarf foundry under a mountain. The idea being to flood it before an orc army can use it to get through the mountain and attack people.

We run into a group of orcs that have a troll with them. The party is holding it's own but is having trouble taking down the troll. We get towards the end of the fight and all that's left is the troll and an orc bombadier with fire bombs.

The bombadier uses one fire bomb to kill my familiar, which pisses me off. So I decide to use Impelling Force on him, mainly to pull him right over to the strikers so they can finish him off.

It works a little two well. I finish off the bombadier. He falls over igniting his last firebomb. It blows me and two other party members into the wall and kills the troll. So I managed to take out both remaining enemies in one shot, by complete accident.
Wasen 14th Jul 2013, 4:56 AM edit delete reply
Best. Page. Ever!
ToonNinja 14th Jul 2013, 11:05 AM Revenge of the Kobalds edit delete reply
Just a while back, I was running a Pathfinder game involving a band of kobald cultists who were attempting to take over a small town. See, they were the Church of he Magnificent Dragon, and they believed that the old gods cared not for any of the draconic races; therefore, they sought to carve out their own part of the world for themselves and their god.

After the party had infiltrated the ancient temple the CotMD had holed up in, killed its prophet (read: figurehead), and cornered the last surviving kobald, Slynn the Acolyte (said kobald) tore into them. Hard. He pointed out how they had cut the kobalds down without mercy, brutalizing the first group and taking one of them as a slave. Many of the cultists had also been recovering drug addicts seeking a fresh start, and the party knew that, and instead of making any attempt at rehabilitation they cut them all down for daring to hope kobalds could be taken seriously.

Why, you might ask? Because in every game we've ever run involving D&D, kobalds were the butt of every joke and mindless infliction of pain. All I did was point it out. And the two people who actually bothered with RPing (and one who didn't) took notice. At the very least, they let Slynn go and have opted to make their prisoner the new party cleric (old one's in Germany, and kind of a jerk besides).

I can't help but wonder how things will go when they meet the real brains behind the Church.
Daeron 14th Jul 2013, 1:46 PM edit delete reply
Also "A tyranny disguised as Kindness"

Why not both?
celestDaer 14th Jul 2013, 4:26 PM edit delete reply
Unreasonable Success?
My group was playing a BESM game based in the world of Air Gear, and I was playing the daughter of the Aeon Clock (If you know Air Gear, that equates to making her extremely fast. To practice for her track meets, she raced cars on foot, and won, a lot.) The DM sends us off to Kyoto as our little group started to get powerful and famous, and we're challenged to the Devil's 30 30. A game with a ramp, and 30 people lying on the ground next to each other. Everyone in the group has to make their jump and not kill anyone, basically. So, our enemy goes first, just barely clears the line, our tank goes, beats our egotistical enemy handily, I go, and with my speed mixed with a terrible jump, I pretty much squat in midair and blast three times the length of the line, about an inch above everyone's bodies. The only person who beat her jump was the one who could break physics. Cue our enemy pissing and moaning about the untrained group being far far superior to his genetically engineered perfection.
Akouma 14th Jul 2013, 8:15 PM edit delete reply
This was absolutely stunning. Great page.
Indigo Steel 14th Jul 2013, 10:24 PM edit delete reply
Indigo Steel
Hi there! I love this comic, keep up the great work!

The way the Alpha Dog says it, the Ponies of Equestria are basically the Empire from the Elder Scrolls...
zenaku 15th Jul 2013, 9:16 PM edit delete reply
There we were, playing Star Wars D20 for the first time. Having been denied my idea of playing an Ewok Sith Lord named Darth Yub Yub, I went with my second choice. A wookie soldier.

After he and the rest of the enslaved players broke free from imperial bondage (the ship was under attack, the gravity tilted when it was hit, he tilted along with it. One squishes officer later...), they crash landed on a planet and proceeded towards civilisation. We soon came to a hill guarded by imperial soldiers.

All of the other players decided they wanted to go stealth mode. Being a wookie, I don't exactly do stealth, but I figured, give it a try! A few dice rolls later and I was a freaking wookie ninja!