Page 314 - Assistance is Futile

23rd Jul 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
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Assistance is Futile
Average Rating: 5 (4 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 23rd Jul 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
There's a certain point where you just have to go, "Yep, no skill check's going to stop stuff from hitting the fan now." Some players go into that situation with more gusto than others.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are still open until this arc is finished! Guidelines here.



DoubleCross 23rd Jul 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
It's a conga of fails.
Raxon 23rd Jul 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
"I make a diplomacy check."
"Wow, a natural twenty! Let's hear it!"
"Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse."
"Really? That's what you're going with?"
"Yep. And a natural twenty, which means it's a critical success."
Tom 23rd Jul 2013, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
That's why you make them say what they're trying to do before they roll. Imagine that request on a one.
Draxynnic 23rd Jul 2013, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
And that's why you get people to declare what they're saying BEFORE they roll the social-skill check, so they can't demand something outrageous knowing they've got a good die roll to back them up.
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 6:09 AM edit delete reply
I just slap a "Stupid Tax" penalty on the roll so hard that the die spins. It has done wonders to keep the party from instigating that kind of diplomacy. :3
Raxon 23rd Jul 2013, 6:24 AM edit delete reply
Clearly, the enemy commander is not going to acquiesce to these demands. The diplomacy check does not work if your message has to be conveyed via messenger. You can make some of these checks mere formalities.

In addition, a story comes to mind. This guy goes before the king and queen to make an impassioned speech. The speech was eloquent heartfelt and highly convincing. He then rolled a 1. It was ruled that he had been staring at the queen and clopping the whole time. Dunno where I heard the tale, but the thing goes both ways.
MumaKirby 25th Jul 2013, 2:06 AM edit delete reply
I like it when the DM actually thinks about things like that.

If someone actually manages to make a fairly good/convincing speech off the top of their head, I will probably give it to them without a roll. If they're not so good at that kind of thing, sure, roll for it. Or a mix of the two. I'm not going to punish someone for being bad at that sort of thing, but I might reward that sort of thing.

Of course, that kind of comment said directly to someone would likely get a 'Uh... yeah, f*** that.'
Zuche 23rd Jul 2013, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
It's true that a skilled socialite can get away with saying the most awful things in real life, even to the point of getting a positive reaction for comments that would get anyone else beaten down by a small trucking fleet. Most of the time, I'd either let it slide or go with Digo's method.

But when a player starts acting like a good Diplomacy score is a license to say anything all the time, it may be time to let things go all pear-shaped and utter this phrase:

"This was the response you were trying to get, right?"

Use this: a) when your players would find the result entertaining, b) only in non-critical encounters, and c) very, very sparingly.
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 8:04 AM edit delete reply
I've always preferred the RP intent over the mechanics of a die roll with diplomacy.

But Zuche makes a good point. If a player just toys with the mechanics in such an abusive manner, pears it is. :3

Or tomatoes if on a stage.
LazerWulf 23rd Jul 2013, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
Reminds me of one of my favorite lines in OPGL3.5: "Why do you have a D20 with only 1s on it?"
TDR 23rd Jul 2013, 9:03 AM edit delete reply
Pity that my games don't have crit success or crit fails on skills....
terrycloth 23rd Jul 2013, 11:01 AM edit delete reply
That's approximately a DC 35 request, so a natural 20 might cover it from a skilled negotiator.
Malroth 23rd Jul 2013, 12:30 PM edit delete reply
Lesee -20 penalty for rudeness compared to my 10(binder)+2(masterwork tool)+2(aid another from lackies)+8(cha mod)+8(cham mod agian fro marshal) +6(warlock) +2(sygnergy1)+2 (synergy 2)+5(wand of wieldskill)before my skill ranks or roll? okay.
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 12:36 PM edit delete reply
That's still a 50% chance of failing! :D
Malroth 23rd Jul 2013, 6:09 PM edit delete reply
50% chance of failing with no ranks
you know that guy 23rd Jul 2013, 2:50 PM edit delete reply
OK, what does a masterwork tool for Diplomacy look like?
Shchenya 23rd Jul 2013, 4:48 PM edit delete reply
A monocle or good top hat?
Digo 24th Jul 2013, 3:57 AM edit delete reply
I'd totally get the monocle version.
Anvildude 23rd Jul 2013, 1:32 PM edit delete reply
And that's why "Critical Success" doesn't happen on Skill checks. Only combat rolls.

Otherwise, 1 in 20 people who say "I'm jumping to the Moon" will actually succeed in jumping to the moon- even if they have no legs.
Indigo Steel 24th Jul 2013, 10:26 PM edit delete reply
Indigo Steel
Diplomacy is SO much simpler when you're a Barbarian...

"UG! Give me gold!"
"What? No!"
"How 'bout now?"
Nel'Thuzar 25th Jul 2013, 4:32 AM edit delete reply
But at least it was funny...
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
Years back I was involved in a very well-constructed "Final Fantasy VI Part 2" campaign that took place about four years after the JRPG.

Our party was fighting a losing battle against the BBEG's minions at the top of a waterfall. The rope bridge was destroyed in round 3 which caused two party members to fall down the rapids. Three other members got bull rushed off the cliff side into the water. One PC was rendered unconscious and thrown over by a Tonberry.

I was the last one left so I sheathed my weapon and told the monsters that "Given the current dire situation you all face, allow me to grant your kind mercy and let you all walk away with your lives!"
I put on a pair of goggles and jumped off the cliff myself. XD

The GM was particuarly tickled by my silly speech about letting the monsters live.
Zuche 23rd Jul 2013, 7:10 AM edit delete reply
Bravo, Digo. Bravo
Sorakirin 23rd Jul 2013, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
I'm conflicted on which of my bad rolling stories is worse the one in which I rolled a 10 on a d20 about 6 times in a row. Or the time in The Tomb of Horrors 4th Edition version when the most commonly rolled number was a 2
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 11:16 AM edit delete reply
I'll take the 10. I remember one BBEG fight where the party was rolling 1s an awful lot and turned a "moderatly challenging" encounter into a near curb-stomp battle in favor of the baddie.
One player rolled a 1 Eight times in a row during that fight!
LegendofMoriad 23rd Jul 2013, 12:14 PM Crappy dice edit delete reply
Boy, I've had games like that. My "allies" threatened to burn that d20.
Walabio 23rd Jul 2013, 7:09 AM Now that they are all underground, hopefully the DiamondDogs will not eat them. edit delete reply
Now that they are all underground, hopefully the DiamondDogs will not eat them. The probably wish that they would have brought Princess Celestia now.
The Captain 24th Jul 2013, 1:38 AM edit delete reply
The Captain
It would have been quite funny to see her fail the roll as well.
Tatsurou 24th Jul 2013, 10:50 AM edit delete reply
Celestia: Don't worry, my little ponies. I've got you. *roll* ...Probably?
Twilight: Okay, how do you explain that Celestia, the Goddess-Princess who is probably epic level, failed the skill check? I want to hear this.
DM: She was overconfident and didn't brace herself properly.
Rainbow: Why didn't she grab us telekinetically? She can do that, right?
AJ: Speaking of, why didn't you do that, Twi?
Twilight: Umm...
DM: Err...
Pinkie: *holds up a Derpy plushie*
Zuche 23rd Jul 2013, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
The reversal you threw at us earlier in this arc was wonderful, Newbiespud. Having Pinkie's player embrace the scenario exactly the same way Pinkie did in the episode is no less delightful.

A big part of that comes watching how everyone else botches their skill checks in character-appropriate fashion too.
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 8:11 AM edit delete reply
I love skill botching when it gives the players wonderful RP material to work with.

In our current campaign, my wizard was formally a blacksmith's apprentice. He knows a lot about making weapons, but not using them. So whenever I roll low on an attack, I love to play out his fumbling and flailing around trying to hit a target.

My favorite moment was when twice in a row I not only missed my target with a crossbow, but I nearly struck two party members. My pony familiar took away my crossbow with the insistance that I should just memorize Magic missile several times and maybe then I'll hit something.
Nighzmarquls 23rd Jul 2013, 9:42 PM edit delete reply
I turned a re-accuring skill botch situation into a character trait.

I was playing a rogue class, but had it setup as a stage magician that favored slight of hand tricks and 'magic' over outright weaponry.

However as a low level character I decided at least having a rapier for a weapon that I could snap out of my sleeve (this game let us make some SICK NASTY skill builds)

seemed prudent till I could go the less conventional battle method.

Well he never EVER EVER could hit some one with that sword.

He was quite skilled in it, had a good attack bonus.

But never could use a traditionally lethal weapon effectively, always botched or missed.

So I just decided he was not interesting in hurting people and went full Pinkie Pie motivation and began designing a subduel damage rogue with focus on feints and trips.
Digo 24th Jul 2013, 4:01 AM edit delete reply
For my wizard, it's taking any sea-faring voyage. The first time we took a long boat ride, the waters were rough so the GM called for some Fortitude checks for sea-sickness.
I botched those rolls like no one's business. XD

After the second critical failure, the party ninja poisoned me with a sleeping potion just to keep me out of the way. Since then I declared that my wizard simply isn't good on ships. He has gotten better now with the rolls, but I still RP out a slight queasy feeling.

Unfortunately this campaign has been mostly about piracy and the high seas so... XD
StarshineDash 23rd Jul 2013, 8:41 AM edit delete reply
One time I critically failed on a Use the Force roll to make a pair of bounty hunters believe I wasn't actually their target, just a body double, and ended up becoming convinced that I wasn't actually a Jedi, just a well trained actor.
quantumturnip 23rd Jul 2013, 10:20 AM edit delete reply
Rather unrelated, but
JacenCaedus 24th Jul 2013, 12:29 AM edit delete reply
ArkenBrony 23rd Jul 2013, 11:04 AM edit delete reply
It reminds me when I had a player who was super focused in grappling, and for the first few games, could not roll the touch attack required to hit, so I threw a monster in that would try to grapple him, with a bonus 10 points less then his, and it won.
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 11:18 AM edit delete reply
I'm reminded of a situation in Toon where two players had lit a stick of dynamite thinking it was a torch. I gave each of them 2 separate chances to figure out what it actually was before it exploded.

All four rolls critically failed.
Wyvern 23rd Jul 2013, 8:52 PM edit delete reply
In Toon this is perfectly appropriate.
NeutralDemon 23rd Jul 2013, 11:13 AM edit delete reply
All this trouble could've been avoided if you forgot about Spike and then remembered him next to you.
JSchunx 23rd Jul 2013, 7:14 PM edit delete reply
Ah yes, the traditional role of familiars: to not exist until their presence is needed. While still providing their passive benefits, of course.
Digo 24th Jul 2013, 4:06 AM edit delete reply
I bucked tradition when I asked for my current pony familiar, Freya. As a medium-sized creature, she's too big to just stuff into a pocket and forget, but also small enough that she isn't good for a mount (Which my wizard sees as a role beneith her. She only carries my alchemy and spell materials).

The other players are amused that I'm using a miniature Applejack figure to represent the pony. I've been working on a magic item to allow her to speak common, so the other PCs asked if she's going to have that southern accent like AJ does.
mycroftxxx 24th Jul 2013, 5:00 AM edit delete reply
I hate to tell you this, but the other players aren't really _asking_ about that southern accent. They're preparing you for when they insist that you use one once your pony can talk.
Digo 25th Jul 2013, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
Given that my group knows I'm an MLP fan and they like when I act out different voices... you're probably right XD
Stairc 24th Jul 2013, 11:05 AM edit delete reply
Kindulas' talking-cat familiar Rishi sure broke that role. Rishi was placed under my (DM) control... And she consistently helped them in diplomatic situations - would occasionally disappear while they were in town only to return and say she was out chasing mice - and slowly gained enough political power and resources that she effectively became the group's patron (she owned the ship they traveled on and a lot more).

Eventually one of the players from a previous campaign, whose character became a god, recruited Rishi as an exarch and head of his intelligence network and special task forces. She drove an extremely hard bargain, gaining immunity to the god's displeasure and access to and control of pretty much *all* of the god's resources.

Rishi was awesome. Familiars can be a lot of fun. And the players loved her.
Tatsurou 23rd Jul 2013, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
I remember one campaign I DMed where one of the characters got nicknamed "Mr. Paranoia."

I don't remember the exact nature of the campaign, but the player was very new to D&D and someone had really trolled him as far as helping him balance his character. The combination of feats, stat balance, and racial choice resulted in a character who would LITERALLY fail at everything. He didn't have the stats to take advantage of his feats, his faults interfered with his racial bonuses, and he was left with no gold for advantageous equipment.

When we explained this to him, he was a little disappointed, but when we explained he could roll up a new character when this one died, he decided to just play it and see what happened. He tweaked the character's backstory to be a total incompetent, having failed at everything throughout his life, and now convinced that he always would. For the first part of the game, we all called him "Marvin the Paranoid Android," or Marvin for short.

He really got into it. Things were fun, and the rest of the party tried to keep him alive because his roleplay was fun, even if he had terrible rollplay. ANyway, we came to a skill challenge of opening a sealed door, and everyone else had failed it already.

Marvin: I'm going to see if I can make things worse. *rolls*
Me: Ooh...a one, that's a critical fail.
Marvin: ...does that mean I beat the challenge?
All: What?
Marvin: Well, I was trying to make things worse. If I fail at making things worse, I make things better, right?
Me: Umm...
Another party member: Oh my god yes do it!
Me: *laughing* Yeah, sure. If you deliberately set out to fail and roll a critical fail, you fail at failing and thus succeed.

The entire rest of the game, he played to fail...and we eventually weighed his die, because he had the longest string of 1's we'd ever seen. That's how he earned the nickname "Mr. Paranoia," because 1's were good.
Zuche 23rd Jul 2013, 11:44 AM edit delete reply
That's beautiful.
Digo 23rd Jul 2013, 12:50 PM edit delete reply
*Standing Ovation*
Zuche 23rd Jul 2013, 11:59 AM edit delete reply
Why, oh why, do I always fail to notice the titles at first? Love it. Looooove it.
Somepony Else 23rd Jul 2013, 12:09 PM edit delete reply
Inevitably, the point at which no skill check could possibly stop the fan-hitting, that's when everyone rolls twenties.
Kynrasian 23rd Jul 2013, 12:17 PM edit delete reply
That reminds me of when our characters went to the local pub and ended up in a bar fight, which ended with chairs and tables upturned, the bar itself a mess, and plenty of broken kegs of high alcohol content spirits after my character took to the air while drunk and careened into one of our attackers.

So the party decided that it would be a good idea to flee the scene and lie low, a plan that was fairly well-conceived except for one factor: I'm drunk. So while everyone else is busy making stealth checks to avoid the guards, being drunk, I decide to begin to sing.


This brought guards right to us. Given our slightly dishevelled appearances and all of us displaying varying levels of drunkenness, the evidence looked overwhelming. However the guards, being nice, gave us the benefit of the doubt, allowing the following exchange to occur:

Guard: "We're looking for one of two groups involved in a bar fight. You wouldn't know anything about this, would you?"
Me: *shaking head* "N-OPE!"
Everyone else: *shaking their heads nervously*

The DM rolls their Wisdom check against our Bluff checks. We win.
Guard: "Alright, be on your way then."

And that's how we began the running gag where every tavern, inn or pub we visit, is owned by the landlord/lady [first name] Murphy Law.
Korbl 23rd Jul 2013, 4:52 PM edit delete reply
Really? She was going to rely on the most broken part of 4E to save this?
Robin Bobcat 23rd Jul 2013, 4:59 PM edit delete reply
I shall simply point out the Mage: The Ascension spell: Zone of Extremity.

When cast, it creates an area of effect.
All successes within that area are critical successes.
All failures within that area are critical failures.
JSchunx 23rd Jul 2013, 7:18 PM edit delete reply
Oh man, that sounds like so much fun.
mycroftxxx 24th Jul 2013, 5:03 AM edit delete reply
What spheres are involved in that rote? I could see it as possibly an Entropy 3/Prime 2 - but that sort of "make things by throwing Prime 2 @ it" isn't supposed to work with Entropy.
aerion111 24th Jul 2013, 11:07 PM edit delete reply
Fate 2, it seems. I don't think that was a thing when I made my oWoD chance-focused techno-mage, so it must be new to nWoD. (Or I'm wrong. I had all kinds of weird stuff on that character)

Makes more sense as a Fate thing than Entropy/Prime though.
JediChipmunk 23rd Jul 2013, 6:12 PM edit delete reply
One of my very first D&D games I played a huge half-orc fighter named Shemp. In one of our first fights we were in a an elven tree-city under attack by either kobolds or goblins. (Think ewok city from Return of the Jedi but prettier.) Shemp would run up, hit his tiny opponents without a problem. But then roll horribly on his damage roll. It was taking three or more hits to kill each one of these usually easy to kill little guys. After this happening about three times I decided to switch tactics. Instead of hitting them with my axe I started grabbing them and just casually tossing them to the side. Then I just let gravity finish them off.
Mykin 23rd Jul 2013, 7:14 PM edit delete reply
I was once invited to play a 4e campaign with my cousin and his friends. Since I had never played that edition before, everyone kept pushing me to make a controller since all the other roles in the party were filled. So I made an unaligned Deva Psion in a group where we had a good Warlord, an evil Ranger, an evil Paladin, and a chaotic evil Rogue.

Anyway, we had started out in the middle of nowhere preparing to go after a Necromancer for reasons I'm still not sure of to this day. Our Paladin decided that we would need horses for this trip and so he and our Rogue went off to acquire a few for free. They got to the stables and proceeded to fail every check that was thrown at them. They tried diplomacy, then lying, then stealing, then lying again, then diplomacy again, before becoming fed up with all the 1's and 2's they were getting and just killed the guy outright. This was the first time they rolled a double digit number and our DM decided that was enough to get the job done. When they returned with blood all over them and the horses, I wisely decided not to ask what the heck happened and we began our journey.

We got to a bridge and everyone but me and the Warlord failed their saves, thus triggering a trap that saw us surrounded by 2 armies of ghosts intent on having a battle right there at the middle of the bridge. Showing how much faith I had in their ability to actually survive this, I jumped off the bridge into the river below, succeeding in my swim check. Everyone decided to follow suit, the Warlord passing his check while everyone else failed and proceeded to drown in the current as the Warlord and I attempted to save them. After that, the DM, the Warlord, and myself immediately demanded that everyone else swap out their dice since they were using were clearly cursed beyond all reason.

From that point on, the rest of the session played out uneventfully.

The Captain 24th Jul 2013, 1:41 AM edit delete reply
The Captain
Don't you hate it when the dice are very clearly playing against you?
The 11th Doctor 24th Jul 2013, 2:02 PM edit delete reply
I have a story allot like that.
You see in our weekly game,the one Power gamer who always,always rolls 1s.Well he came in with new dice.We all said"Why do you have those?",He responded saying they
were his wife's.Let me explain that they were pinkie pie-level pink. every time he used them,they rolled 15s or 20s.only.
JSchunx 23rd Jul 2013, 7:25 PM edit delete reply
In our group, only my brother has luck atrocious enough to mete out failure after failure while everyone else has long since passed their respective challenges. It's generally bad enough that his normally excellent combat builds are fairly evenly balanced by poor rolls, leading to situations where, after 4 or 5 misses, he hits for nearly maximum damage. Or in one case, he was playing a paladin lvl 5, used a spell which doubles his damage on a charge, and proceeded to roll a critical hit on said charge. He did roughly 70 damage to and enemy which had about 35 health. This unexpected stroke of luck, of course, meant that he spent the rest of the session doing almost nothing, convinced that he'd used up all of his good luck for the next week or two.
Stairc 23rd Jul 2013, 9:51 PM edit delete reply

Day 2 of my D&D camp. 17 player deaths so far.

Senshuken 23rd Jul 2013, 10:11 PM edit delete reply
Good. You're culling the weak, the stupid and the unlucky. D&D at it's best.
Lyntermas 24th Jul 2013, 12:26 AM edit delete reply
...Examples, please?
Stairc 24th Jul 2013, 10:59 AM edit delete reply
They're in what my home groups have come to call a, "Dangeon" (as my name is Dan and my dungeons tend to have a distinctive style and are highly lethal).

A few players died in battling an ancient paladin-spirit.

Some roasted to death when they were teleported into a cyclone of hellfire.

6 died in one shot, and 4 only survived by extremely lucky rolls and/or the use of powerful consumables, in my latest incarnation of The Boulder Room.

Others died via a ray of obliteration.

Others were slain by a dragon-gargoyle crafted from mithril and encrusted in rubies.

And more.

In this dungeon, they have a time limit to finish the whole thing - slay the helldragon before it awakens and release the guardian spirit trying to keep it asleep. They started with only 6 hours *Real Time* to complete the multi-map dungeon - which is how long the spirit can keep the dragon from waking up. However, each time one of the players dies - that player is immediately ressurected by the guardian spirit. This costs it some of its energy however, which reduces their time to finish the dungeon by 30 minutes. That way we can have a super-scary-super-deadly dungeon with a cool time limit element to keep everyone focused while also making sure no one has to sit out the rest of the game if they die early.

Also, optional super-hard objectives in the dungeon - such as reclaiming ancient artifacts that are guarded by puzzles and/or powerful foes - often grant the players time bonuses. For example, by reclaiming the Crown of Lost Kings - the players would gain 1 hour of time as well as the powerful artifact.

It's been a lot of fun so far.
Lyntermas 24th Jul 2013, 1:32 PM edit delete reply
PC: Good sir, I have heard that there is a warlock's lair nearby. Could you point my adventuring party in right direction?
NPC: Two miles west. Find a boulder with a sigil that looks like the letter G, tap it three times with a sword, and yell "Open."
PC: ...That's surprisingly detailed.
NPC: Oh, everybody knows where it is. It's just that nobody is able to enter it and survive.
PC: I see. This warlock must be a powerful foe indeed.
NPC: Warlock!?! That old sap is a nobody, not even a challenge for a party of your caliber. No, the reason nobody goes there is because of...Dan.
PC: ...Dan? Is he a monster?
NPC: Worse. He's an architect with a great imagination and a taste for schadenfreude. His dungeons are infamous for their lethality.
PC: Well, we've faced our fair share of challenges. An old dungeon is not too scary.
NPC: ...If you're in a room with a large boulder rolling toward you and a large pit nearby, what do you do?
PC: Well, I suppose we'd jump in the pit and let the boulder roll over us. Why?
NPC: ...No reason.
Stairc 24th Jul 2013, 7:44 PM edit delete reply
I literally laughed out loud. =)

And day 3 of camp is over.

Exactly 13 more player deaths today.
RavenscroftRAVEN 26th Jul 2013, 8:18 PM edit delete reply
I, on the opposite side, have unnaturally good luck with dice, coins, cards, and other things, which makes physical games... interesting.

I got to the end of Tomb of Horrors, not knowing it beforehand, without dying... 3.5e version, so saving throws were allowed, but still. Some people were on their 4th character, but a fit of luck and really weird build (savage species succubus) made the dungeon a bit of a joke.

"Rocks fall."
"Pit opens beneath you."
"Black Lotus poisoned darts at you"
"Well, I'm immune, but I'll collect them in case the party wants them later."
"You and the cleric are locked in a shrinking room."
"Teleport out"
"That triggers the demon spawn. Marilith. One of them is on top of you as you re-appear."
"Cleric banishes. You roll it for me, Raven."

And so on through the whole thing. I played a diplomacy charisma-bot and rocked the tomb. Luck does weird things to a character. The DM had us disarmed, naked, spell-sealed, crippled, and two of us mind-controlled by the end... And it really didn't matter because the dice gods blessed us. DM was a bit pissed though.
Indigo Steel 24th Jul 2013, 10:24 PM edit delete reply
Indigo Steel
This sounds like the really old school DnD player grinder campaigns they made. Spoony of The Spoony Experiment ( talks about that in one of his videos, where he and his group went to a very dangerous and twisted version of Wonderland. If I remember correctly, the party of high level characters got beaten within inches of their lives, and two of them died. Ouch.
D 23rd Jul 2013, 10:34 PM Rifts RAptor vs small woodland creatures edit delete reply
While Running a game of rifts, My players were attacking a Coalition base, They decided to release all of the test subjects one of which was a dinosaur that another player had as a mount, and decided that they would watch the epic match-up of Raptor vs Duck + Raccoon. They decided that they would be rolling for the raptor as it was owned by a party member. Just simple side entertainment, right? Thanks to a long series of botches and crit fails the Raptor was defeated by the two animals and i had to introduce the concept of super animals. My girlfriend immortalized it on DA at
Digo 24th Jul 2013, 4:11 AM edit delete reply
Hahaha, that was entertaining :D
ShadowDragon8685 24th Jul 2013, 2:04 AM edit delete reply
"There's a certain point where you just have to go, "Yep, no skill check's going to stop stuff from hitting the fan now." Some players go into that situation with more gusto than others."

Usually, that's the player who brought an automatic shotgun/grenade launcher/demo charges/rocket launcher/spell list full of prepared combat evocation spells and has been desperately itching for a chance to unlimber them and dispense indiscriminate justice.
Phint 24th Jul 2013, 2:59 AM Bad(good) dice rolls edit delete reply
On my last Pathfinder session my players were on a river, on a ship which took them for added protection.
On the third day I had lizardmen attack. With my players on the same spot on the ship, I placed a bigone and a few mooks there. The ships crew would fight some mooks aswell.
After a few rounds I decided my players had a too easy time so I did 2 things:
1st - I had a lizardmen blow a Horn, to call for backup... which arived 2 rounds later, all over the ship.
2nd - I would roll every round if the crew was still able to hold lizards off.
I rolled a d20 for each member and ruled that if it was higher then 20 - "Number of lizardmen surrounding" x 5 the lizards would succed in killing him.

After 4 rounds there was only one crewmenber left, and the players had their hands full.
The last crewmember however survived the next 4 rounds with 3 lizardmen surrounding him on the edge of the ship.
At the end of the session the two fighting the players were in bad shape, so they jumped of the ship, and the three fighting the crewmember however were frustrated with him so they tried to kill him one last time.
Resulting in me rolling a 1. I ruled that this would make the crewmember kill one of the lizardmen and caused the others to flee aswell.

That crewmember, a "noname npc dummy", survived like 10 rounds of combat surrounded by 3 lizardmen.
Now he is a Hero and will be given a name and everything in the next session. Any suggestions?
anon 24th Jul 2013, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
Call him Tango with the background he likes Whiskey and dances the Foxtrot.
TechUnadept 24th Jul 2013, 11:41 PM name? edit delete reply
Theodore "Lucky" MacGillicuddi
NeutralDemon 24th Jul 2013, 7:35 PM edit delete reply
Steve Chuggaa from the noble house of Conroy. He is a true trooper.
Death to Tulips 25th Jul 2013, 12:29 AM edit delete reply
Yeah that would be awesome
Indigo Steel 24th Jul 2013, 10:10 PM edit delete reply
Indigo Steel
Bombom 24th Jul 2013, 10:32 PM edit delete reply
Name him after a my little pony character.
Bombom 24th Jul 2013, 10:32 PM edit delete reply
Name him after a my little pony character.
Destrustor 25th Jul 2013, 12:42 AM edit delete reply
Call him Charles of the house Norris.
Chuck for short.
Raxon 25th Jul 2013, 3:32 AM edit delete reply
Mr. T-Rex?
Draxynnic 26th Jul 2013, 2:47 AM edit delete reply
Hopefully this is in time to be used:

The heroic crewmember identifies himself as Manuel, passing off his accomplishment simply as luck.

This is, however, a lie. He is actually Stauracius Gabras, a Taldan duellist (whether he has prestige class levels can depend on the needs of your campaign) of some notoriety who accidentally killed the wrong nobleman's son in a duel, before disappearing just a hair's breadth away from retribution. He's been hiding out on the ship ever since, posing as a common sailor. During the lizardmen attack, he made use of fighting defensively, Combat Expertise and Dodge to hold them off.

Unless found out, he does his best to remain as uninteresting as possible. If found out, however, he reverts to his normal flamboyance and bravado. Under the right circumstances, a particularly poor Bluff or Disguise check may mean that he's forgotten his assumed personality and slipped into his natural personality.

(Note: I don't have access to Taldan names at the moment, so I used Byzantine names to fill in the gaps (obvious expy is obvious). Feel free to change the names as you see fit.)
kajisora 24th Jul 2013, 6:36 PM edit delete reply
I'd facepalm at Pinkie but.....
That is more or less exactly what I tend to do in situations like that ^^
Jonas Evenstar 23rd Sep 2013, 1:53 PM edit delete reply
A little late to this party, but I have to tell this quick story. I was in a group doing a pathfinder game and we came to an old haunted mansion that we were supposed to cleanse. One of the characters we had just picked up was found naked covered in blood in a barn inhabited by ghouls... don't ask. So we have our first combat at the mansion against a swarm of undead crows. Our newest party member decides to jump down the nearby well, after having stripped naked again (we got used to it). Anyway long story short this "well" was actually an incredibly large hole that the DM had described very poorly. It was about 40 feet across and over 100 feet deep, with naked guy at the bottom. We tried to save him by lowering a rope so he could climb up, but it didn't reach and monsters at the bottom were starting to show up. So we decided to get down there to help him, but didn't want to take falling damage. The first of us starts repelling down and the rope becomes unsecured, causing him to fall. Every single party member topside made a reflex check to grab the rope and succeeded. Every single party member topside rolled a strength check to stop him and failed. Every single party member topside fell 120 feet down a hole in the ground into ongoing combat. We weren't happy, but this comic reminded me of it.