Page 327 - For Services Rendered

22nd Aug 2013, 6:00 AM in Swarm of the Century
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For Services Rendered
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Newbiespud 22nd Aug 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
As a player, your experience with money or loot will vary pretty wildly as you play with different DMs. Some manage money rather finely, rewarding small sums very frequently, and coming up with ways to make you spend it a little bit at a time. Others simply don't find it fun to fuss over it, so they just throw large piles of gold at you every once in a blue moon and let you buy items from the handbooks whenever. And some DMs so rapidly shower the players with powerful loot that gold quickly becomes a non-issue. It just goes to show: Who you play the game with is just as important as what game you're playing.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Raxon 22nd Aug 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Story time today is about dividing the loot!

I don't have any particularly good stories about that, since Raxon never relied on his gear. He took gold and jewels for his loot, to craft jewelry from, so he could enchant it, and give it to his party members to keep them safe.

Have I mentioned that Raxon is insane? He's a wizard, and his weapon of choice is a single bladed great axe.
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
Single-bladed great axe? Pah!

My brother once played a wizard who's main weapon was the butter knife in his tea set. He took down more creatures with that knife than crumpets he's buttered. :)

His "Crowning Moment of Awesome" was the killing blow he landed on a black dragon. Stabbed it in the head and then used shocking grasp on the handle. Tickled the dragon's brain with some lethal electrons right there. XD

We declared that butter knife a legendary weapon at the end of the campaign. Sadly my brother retired from tabletop RPGs afterwards. Too bad, he was our Raxon and we loved his antics.
Tengokujin 22nd Aug 2013, 7:11 AM edit delete reply
Are you suggesting your brother was... Luna Inverse?
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
...whoa, he actually could have been! He did have one signature spell, "Bandwagon" which was an attack spell that dealt to the target the same damage that the target dealt on it's last attack.

Red dragon hits you for 30 fire damage? Bandwagon deals 30 fire! not that fire damage is useful against red dragons, but that was details my brother's wizard cared not for. :)
Tria 22nd Aug 2013, 10:43 PM edit delete reply
Or gold, golds are immune to fire too.
Raxon 22nd Aug 2013, 7:18 AM edit delete reply
It is a black granite axe with white specks. the blade is a foot long, and the handle is four feet long. It weighs 80 lbs.

After the featherweight enchantments, it weighs one pound, but it's completely variable, even during midswing. Also, whisper stones. Just... Whisper stones.

Artificially created precious gems the size of golf balls, and he uses them to make telepathically enabled unbreakable magic cell phones loaded with features. THIS IS HIS HOBBY! MAKING EPIC LEVEL ARTIFACTS!
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
That is indeed an intimidating axe. I wouldn't wish the business end of it on anyone.

However, it's a special kind of style when weilding a mundane piece of kitchen cutlery. I have to give props to my bro for that.
Although his hobby was cooking...
Raxon 22nd Aug 2013, 2:37 PM edit delete reply
The crazy part comes into play when you realize Raxon weighs 100 pounds when soaking wet. Before he was skilled enough to put the featherweight on it, he dragged such things around behind him, and had to expend spells to swing it.
Digo 23rd Aug 2013, 4:49 AM edit delete reply
I tend to like making scrawny characters just for the porpose of their weapon looking oversized in their hands. :D

Thus, I approve.
Raxon 23rd Aug 2013, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
After the time skip, Raxon has his monk levels, and can actually lift this axe. This axe is fairly recent, though. Most of the axes he had when he was a hero were considerably lighter. He can wield it now at full weight, but it's slow and clumsy.
nekollx 22nd Aug 2013, 10:29 AM edit delete reply
PTTF in Just a Game Niela knows a well know and wanted Enchanter, how does he repay her for being his body guard. Enchantes the stove with eteral flames and a frost spell in a side room for a meat locker...lets not even talk about the enchamntments on their caridge
Zuche 22nd Aug 2013, 6:38 AM edit delete reply
"Have I mentioned that Raxon is insane?"

Isn't that a redundant statement, much like saying eternity is forever or Plan Q blows?
Destrustor 22nd Aug 2013, 6:50 AM edit delete reply
I had a wizard/barbarian whose weapon of choice was his (metal-reinforced, spiked) spellbook, traveling with a psion who fought with a bar stool and a second psion who would beat people up with an oar from a drakkar. That game was all sorts of insane.
CelestDaer 22nd Aug 2013, 7:20 AM edit delete reply
So, between the three of you, you made up a party that could've very easily been part of a Persona game, with your spellbook wizard being Elizabeth, the barstool psion being Kannji Tatsumi, and the oar psion being Minako?
Freemage 22nd Aug 2013, 3:36 PM edit delete reply
Game/Setting: Savage Worlds, Shattered Skies. It's a fantasy/post-apocalypse setting; the world has been cracked into a huge number of floating islands, moving around in eccentric orbits. The space between these is filled with a soul-searing light called The Glow.

My character is Luminus, a Glowborn--a goblin who, at some point, spent so long out in the Glow that it filled him up (because goblins have no souls). He's your classic big dumb fighter--emphasis on big, dumb, AND fighter.

One of the other party members is a dragon-kin. She's got the Greedy Hindrance. She also handles Luminus' money for him, since he can't count. (I said 'dumb', right?)

By player agreement, she's been skimming about 5-10% off his share for awhile now, carefully making certain not to take too much at once, and never when the rest of the party would notice. It's a lovely running-gag, and since money isn't really that important in the setting (for individuals; it's vital when you're buying skyships, but that's a whole other economy), it isn't disruptive.
Kynrasian 22nd Aug 2013, 3:51 PM edit delete reply
I tend to try to find loot before our halfling rogue, not because I want it but because I want it divided fairly. Both our halfling rogue and our dwarf fighter have shown a tendency in the past to just pocket what they find whether it's of use to them or not. If it is, I usually don't bother about it much. If it's not and another character would benefit from it, I will often try to encourage them to hand it over.

That said, I haven't had to do it in a while.

To relate a good story, however, there was a time in our D&D Next Playtest that we found a suit of mithril plate armour in an armour display cupboard. Before opening it, it occured to me to have our dwarf cleric cast detect magic on the cupboard in case it had a magical ward on it or something of the like. Turns out it had an alarm spell just waiting to go off as soon as the cupboard was opened, at which point I got our cleric to cast silence to prevent the alarm from going off. My co-DM then asked how long it lasted.

Turns out the alarm lasted 10 minutes, same as the silence spell, so it wasn't heard by anyone or anything nearby, and I got a nice shiny new suit of armour for my efforts (mithril armour doesn't impose a speed penalty in D&D Next and Dwarves are immune to armour speed penalties).

Lesson learned: When thinking inside the box doesn't work, think inside the cupboard instead.
ElfGift 22nd Aug 2013, 10:07 PM edit delete reply
Once, My dad was DM for a game where, due to several high random loot roles, the players were getting too rich and could buy literally anything they wanted. He solved this problem by giving them loot in only pennies, so they couldn't carry very much
Rugsrat 23rd Aug 2013, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
On thursdays I play in a pathfinder game set in the Iron Kingdoms. In this game, we're a group of mercenaries up to our eyeballs in debt left over from our company's previous owner. So most of our funds are very well kept track of and goes to payroll for our men, and payments to work off our debt.

Well, one time we came across a priceless artifact: a magical dagger left over from an invading force called the Orgoth, who had left the continent nearly 400 years prior. Magic weapons don't exist in this setting except on VERY rare occasion. This weapons was one-of-a-kind, and we will likely never have something this rare in our possession again.

We sold at auction for 150,000 gold. After a 13 percent consigner's fee, that was a very pretty penny towards our debt.

Yes. A group of mercenaries sold a one-of-a-kind, ancient magical weapon at auction.
Guest 22nd Aug 2013, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
And by cut she means ten bits each... The rest, as usual with rogues will mysteriously disappear... Never to be seen again
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
This is *SO* not how my players split loot. They will hoard and steal from each other any chance they get. I've seen some really deep backstabbing for loot in my past games. :/
Except for my wife. She's pretty fair about splitting the loot, usually by matching items to the PCs it'll help the most.

But even then there can be issues. There was once a heated argument because my wife was trying to give the party cleric a really good piece of magical armor as he currently had the lowest AC (His 12 vs. The 19-22 range of the party). The cleric refused solely because he liked the DR 2/- his current armor had.
Sides were taken and this argument went on for 45 minutes.

For the love of Luna's left hoof, just let the cleric die! >_<

Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 7:06 AM edit delete reply
On the other hoof, the few times I'm a PC, I'm generally fine not getting a huge share of loot. I'm pretty good at improving with what I got.

This has it's fun moments.

Shadowrun 4e: My Wiccan is attacked by a biker gang. She's alone and has no significant combat spells. What did she get in the last loot haul to help protect herself? A crowbar. :/
I used the crowbar to pry a board off a wooden pallete and then I hide. First biker that turned around the corner got a face full of nailboard. :D

Free bike!

Gurps Supers adventure: The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't understand any of the human's modern tech marvels. So when the team split the loot what did they give the unicorn? A baseball bat. :/
Trixie is pinned down by gunfire at a warehouse. Trixie throws the bat at her assailants, intentionally missing them. They continue to fire. Trixie magically lifts the bat and bashes the mooks on the back of their head.

Free guns!

TheStratovarian 22nd Aug 2013, 8:05 AM edit delete reply
Its how much people underestimate TK that i'm forbidden in rp and d&d from having that ability in my arsenal at all. Its not pretty when plot important folks meet a grizzly end before their time because I know they are going to be trouble, and pre-empt their moment of betrayal.
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 9:01 AM edit delete reply
Indeed, Trixie's magical TK ability was the keystone to her survival on 21st century Earth. Even if it was plainly visible, and that villains were genre savy on magic, it Still catches so many opponents off guard.

It makes melee weapons into deadly ranged weapons. Sometimes moreso than guns. You can run out of bullets. You generally don't run out of nailboard.
Tatsurou 22nd Aug 2013, 11:50 AM edit delete reply
Telekinesis? Don't get me started on that!

I remember one campaign where that was - literally - the ONLY ability I gave my character, and focused everything on improving my skills with it. I was especially fond of my tiny remote control telekinetic blades.

We came up against the big bad of the session. He was monologing. I sent one of my blades into his mouth and down his esophagus. It then cut out of his lung and across his pulmonary artery before vanishing. The Big Bad was now in a race between bleeding out internally and drowning in his own blood to die.

I was level 7. This was the first encounter with a villain who was supposed to come back several times (much like the Nightmare Moon confrontation in this comic). And, as it turned out, because of how I shaped the blade, the enchanted armor didn't protect against it in much the same way it wouldn't protect against accidentally swallowing a chicken bone while eating. First time I've ever seen a DM literally tear his hair out.
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 1:43 PM edit delete reply
I was in a GURPS super hero game where one player was a telekinetic mouse. Playing as a little mouse got her lots of bonus points due to the disadvantage of being small and fragile, but she pumped so many points into TK and a physical Psi-shield ability.

With those powers combined, she'd launch herself like a bullet at an opponent and do rediculous damage on an "Anti-material Rifle" scale. :)
Twice she nearly killed herself when she couldn't hold the Psi-shield together upon impact.
TheStratovarian 22nd Aug 2013, 4:15 PM edit delete reply
I'd be shocked if someone didn't start playing that one theme song,given the hero, much to her dismay.

I mean, come on, its a classic one that fits!
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 4:37 PM edit delete reply
Sadly, I don't think we ever did.
Tatsurou 22nd Aug 2013, 9:20 PM edit delete reply
♫Here I come to save the day!
Mighty Mouse is on the way!♫
Delta Echo 22nd Aug 2013, 9:04 PM edit delete reply
It's Nailboard(tm), the finest in Boards-in-Nails technology! Also functions as a holepunch.
Flutters hi 22nd Aug 2013, 9:29 PM Flutters hi edit delete reply
Your wife to cleric:"Shut up and take the armor!"
Digo 23rd Aug 2013, 4:52 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, the argument was pretty much that. I don't remember if the cleric did take the armor or not, but I interviened to let everyone know the party was well equipped to heal themselves should the cleric become some denezin's breakfast. :)
Rokas 22nd Aug 2013, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
Heck, in my experience it doesn't really matter which game you play, so long as the group you play it with are friends and other good folk. I haven't played much, but whether it's fantasy, sci-fi, or superhero stuff, the fun part is the interaction with friends and others, and that's more important than any specific game.
StarshineDash 22nd Aug 2013, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
While I've never really had an issue with splitting loot with the gamers I've played with, there was one point where a couple of us were coming into a campaign rather late, so we got the inflated starting gold and our pick of items from the books, so there were two of us decked out in magic armor, items, and +3 <flavor> weapons, while the rest of the party was splitting a heward's handy haversack between the five of them and had only a few +1 weapons. It was a little grumpy for a while until the DM let them actually buy magic gear.
Nighzmarquls 23rd Aug 2013, 6:23 PM edit delete reply
Is that All?

Man with the magic item creation rules and about level 7 or 8 starting gear gold I could build the industrial revolution from scratch.

Or with level 13 - 15 starting gold I can build an artifact that generates demi-planes.


I'm generally not given large quantities of starting gold in campaigns anymore.
Zuche 22nd Aug 2013, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
I'd forgotten that how rusty the chains were in this scene, even though it makes perfect sense. For some weird reason, I see Applejack as Moses leading the Israelites when I look at that first panel. Might be time to get my eyes checked.

Now aside from excellent panel selection and the way this strip takes another step toward a satisfactory conclusion, I also admire Newbiespud's timing on that beat panel. It feels like a good place to end the night, enriching that final panel just that little bit more.
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 9:02 AM edit delete reply
I agree, that is a perfectly timed ending right there. Also, "Booyah" is one of my favorite conversation enders.
nekollx 22nd Aug 2013, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
Alfalfa Door 22nd Aug 2013, 7:16 AM edit delete reply
Our regular DM tallies up the loot from encounters and gives it to us in a lump sum at the end of a mini-campaign, along with a level. Which means that for those of us who don't micromanage loot, it simplifies things: when our turn to DM comes up, let him handle the loot while we concentrate on making the minicampaign fun.

The current run is a first: we have laid aside our D&D4e characters to run a short Warhamer40k: Rogue Trader campaign. But our D&D characters are still getting a level, though our DM hasn't decided whether to explain it as a dream, a hallucination, or a story from the Book of Mythblade (long story).
Cain 22nd Aug 2013, 3:53 PM edit delete reply
heh, Rogue Trader. That game is funny to see stories about, in particular, the Deffwotch. a group of Orks that managed to convince most of the Imperium they were Space Marines
Ecarohnara 22nd Aug 2013, 7:23 AM edit delete reply
Let's see, my most recent loot division done via party would have to be in Dark Heresy. We're all ascension level, and we end up on the moon of a shitty hive planet as part of our job. The party consists of Hastus, an arbitrator turned Arch-Militant for the parties brief stint as Rogue traders, turned Inquisitor in Ascension, Theodore, the parties quite insane Missionary, Sebastian, the parties Tech priest turned Rogue trader with STUPID fellowship and an insane heretical A.I. in his head, Spike Rat, Sebastians Twin Alpha Level Psyker who is a master bio and pyro-mancer, and My Character, Venus Calamity, A Mercenary Guardsman Turned Storm trooper who wants to own her own PMC, and who's main weapon is an autocannon. The Loot in question happens to be the back room of a gun shop that we got access too by just paying full price for a Nomad sniper rifle. It includes a paired set of Exitus weapons, each specially crafted for a specific Vindicare assassin. By the guy who turned himself into the A.I. In Sebastians head, A hellax infernus, an anti-tank holy pistol, and an Executor Pistol, the signature weapon of the Eversor assassins. Hastus Immediately bolts out of the room in full Power armor to chokeslam and interrogate the shop owner about how the BUCK he got those guns, while the party investigates.
The AI recognizes the guns when he and Sebastian Check, and goes a little more insane, becoming hyper protective of them and saying not to let hastus near them because he would 'eat them'. Now would be a good time to mention Hastus is a gun smith who takes aparts guns he likes to find out how to build and improve them. The Hellax Infernus ends up in a Servo-skull, I don't know what happened to the Executor, and the party damn near broke into a fight with Hastus and Sebastian because of the A.I., But Sebastian was allowed in the end to keep the guns.

In the same session, hastus went looking for shit, found a warehouse being used by a guy most of the party wanted dead, but not him yet, and came back with a plasma cannon that the GM BEGGED Hastus's player not to give me, Going so far as to not even make hastus make a roll to find the other thing he was looking for to give me *A Salvation shield forcefield, one of the most powerful ones in the game at the cost of only working for one encounter every six hours* for the sake of I don't get the plasma cannon.
Dalking 22nd Aug 2013, 7:45 AM edit delete reply
Loot always seems to be an issue with the parties I'm part of. I remember a particular first level campaign. We had gotten a bunch of gold, a masterwork weapon of some kind, and a fiery yellow corundum the size of a fist. We divided up the money, and gave the weapon to the fighter.

But we couldn't decide how to deal with the jewel. The cleric wanted to sell it and divide the money up equally, but no one else wanted to. So, my character being a gambler, pulled out a set of dice and decided that we should roll bones to decide.

So we all rolled, and I got double 6's. Everyone immediately accused me of cheating, and the cleric even had the gall to pull me aside and tell me that I -would- sell the gem and split the profits with the party.

Next town we get to, I have the jewel set into the gaudiest, most arrogant piece of clothing I can think of. So my wizard is now wearing a cape with a silver mantle with a fist sized gemstone set in the center.
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 9:07 AM edit delete reply
Did anyone suggest to have it cut up into pieces? I remember one "Generous" rogue in a party I was with offered to do that because he had the skills.

Of course, he didn't tell us that the piece he cut for himself head the least flaws, thereby making it the most valuable piece.
Dalking 23rd Aug 2013, 10:21 AM edit delete reply
No, no one suggested that. I'll keep it in mind though if the issue ever comes up again.
Urthdigger 22nd Aug 2013, 8:52 AM edit delete reply
I tend to be the former style of DM, much to the chagrin of my players. "What do you mean why is there so little loot? You killed a bunch of goblins in a cave. If they were loaded, THEY WOULDN'T BE LIVING IN A CAVE!"
Zuche 22nd Aug 2013, 10:10 AM edit delete reply
"So it still needs a little redecorating. Good thing we got here before they could blow their savings on renovations. Now hand 'em over."
Digo 22nd Aug 2013, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
I generally play the conservative route when giving out loot, but I once threw a "Treasure Golem" at my players.

A ten-foot tall hulking construct made of LOOT. They hated me for that one since to get the loot, they had to slay it, but slaying it involves hurting it, thereby hurting the loot...

Though the Treasure Golem had a fun special attack where it would produce a "Cone of Coins". Damage was trivial, and you get a reflex save for half damage. The kicker was only the money that hits you remains real. So the PCs intentially failed their saves for the cash.

They still hated me though.
Onyxjew 23rd Aug 2013, 1:39 PM edit delete reply
I once made a magic item similar to that. It's a ring that when the wearer is reduced to half health he swaps places with a pile of level-equivalent loot that is literally steaming. It also tends to appear that he disappeared in a gout of blood and flame.

Thing is, the pile you switch places with has to be within a hundred feet. Both times I used it the villain was literally 'right through that door'. The players never once chased the BBEG as they were dividing the loot.

I loved that ring.
Sparkles 22nd Aug 2013, 9:25 AM edit delete reply
One DM I played in a standard 3.5 game with required that the loot be divided EXACTLY evenly. To the extent of if you took more than your share of a loot pile (ie big magic sword), you would have to pay off that item with future loot as a debt to the party. What evolved was an extremely convoluted Excel spreadsheet that tracked a players actual money as well as item credit, which was money that didn't exist in currency form but was rather the gold value of items obtained from loot.
Unfortunately this even divide system led to some math problems like 1/6 of a gold piece. Fortunately, my character was a rogue.
Somepony Else 22nd Aug 2013, 10:28 AM edit delete reply
As DM, I generally don't like making too big a deal over loot and inventory. I'm the type to let the "saddlebags are infinite storage" thing slide, because the action and the roleplaying are the fun parts, while worrying about items just gets in the way.

However, one of the funnest sessions we ever had was the night I decided to make it a part of the action. The players came to a barbarian trading camp, and they had a bunch of random loot they were eager to convert into gold to buy useful things. But I declared that gold had no value here; the barbarians worked strictly off of the barter system. It surprised everyone how much fun they had figuring out how many furs and hides this magic ring was worth, and how many of those it would take to get that potion from the herbalist.
Robin Bobcat 22nd Aug 2013, 12:22 PM edit delete reply
Ah yes, the 'your shiny coins have no value here' thing is always fun.

My group wandered into an area where the main form of currency among the desert nomads was finely carved, fist-sized wooden beads. While not as bulky as, say, Ral Stones, they made for interesting times in conversion and distribution...
Destrustor 22nd Aug 2013, 3:25 PM edit delete reply
We once had a game where, in our starting town, the only currency was goblin/orc heads.
"How much for this bread?"
"One goblin head"

The starting dungeon was a mix of bank and training ground: it was a goblin-infested cave system not far from town.

The villagers (and our characters) didn't even know what "real" money was.
Zuche 23rd Aug 2013, 9:49 AM edit delete reply
I can see a crafty goblin king convincing humans that they'll get richer by keeping the heads attached to the goblins, letting money multiply the way nature intended.
Destrustor 24th Aug 2013, 3:07 AM edit delete reply
I think the intrinsic value of the heads was in the very act of proving that a goblin was dead, so I doubt it would have worked.
PoisonClaw 22nd Aug 2013, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
Looking back on it, the DM from my current game seems to almost throw money at us after even the simplest quests. Thought I guess being given a load of treasure from the king of the sea was worth blowing up a volcano for.

Course, I never had any need to spend my share because we also always tended to find the best stuff in the dungeons, so I'm still sitting on a huge cache of money that could easily afford the best weapon or armor in the game.
Anno1066 22nd Aug 2013, 11:30 AM edit delete reply
This one's not so much about dividing loot as it is about dealing with the loot.

If I'm remembering which fight caused this correctly, the party had just fought a group of either bandits or orcs. Just a random encounter. Nothing fancy.

Whichever fight it was, I'd just gotten my hands on a treasure rolling system (back of the magic items compendium, I believe) and I decided to let the guys roll for what they got.

They got copper. Every single roll landed on copper coins in massive amounts. When everything was said and done, we worked out how much they'd gotten and figured out that they had nearly a ton of copper.

They were still out-bound for the adventure, so they wound up taking a few pocketfuls and burying the rest of the mess right there.
Anvildude 22nd Aug 2013, 6:50 PM edit delete reply
Logically, this is what a bandit group _should_ have- if they're successful, they'd have a ton of small-coinage, and maybe a couple valuable family heirlooms- as well as things like spices and bulk grains, and livestock.
Disloyal Subject 18th Nov 2013, 8:32 AM Loot edit delete reply
Family heirlooms are my favorite loot! Except when they're evil, or my character meets the rightful owners before he's done with it. Though if they're orphans, the latter can actually be more fun; I get to adopt them, use their ancestral sword until I get a better one, and then train them as my apprentice!
terrycloth 22nd Aug 2013, 11:35 AM edit delete reply
We're usually pretty casual about distributing loot. People take what they want and can use and if multiple people want it they work it out somehow (often, dice for it). Stuff people aren't using anymore goes back in the pot. When we get to somewhere we can shop, the pot gets sold and divided up.

Some people tend to cheat -- Eric usually doesn't put his stuff back in the pot, and I have a habit of keeping things in 'party treasure' when it wouldn't be reasonable for me to claim a *third* 20k item from the pool but it's just so *perfect* for me. And then carrying them around in my character's inventory and using them.

The most successful strategy though was a barbarian half ogre whose player didn't pay attention to loot (or healing) because his character was too stupid. When they finally noticed that he was 7th level and still using a normal nonmagical axe, the party started doing it for him. He ended up getting something like 90% of the treasure from then on and turning into the juggernaut of doom. x.x

...although they had to yell out instructions during combat: 'It's a ghost! Use the red axe. RED AXE!'
Anvildude 22nd Aug 2013, 6:49 PM edit delete reply
At one point in a campaign (I was playing the party 'leader'- a half-orc Cavalier with delusions of Noblehood) I finally got fed up with the 'pockets hold everything' system, and made the party buy a handcart, which the Barbarian pulled. It kinda became the party's treasure and loot repository- at one point, I think it ended up with about 10 scimitars or various kinds, half a dozen crossbows and ammo, a ton or two of gold, and a few suits of armour that nobody used.
terrycloth 23rd Aug 2013, 1:02 AM edit delete reply
We usually get a portable hole at the earliest convenience. But until then, yeah, fighter pack-mule. (sometimes with muleback cords in pathfinder)
Malroth 22nd Aug 2013, 4:32 PM edit delete reply
What is this "Loot" you speak of, does this mean that somewhere there are 13th lv druids who have better than their starting hide armour and spear? or Warriors whose swords are magical enough to pierce the scales of monsters?

Space Jawa 22nd Aug 2013, 5:30 PM The time I SKIPPED taking any loot edit delete reply
One time, I was in a 1926 era Savage Worlds Campaign where I was playing a Private Eye: Jack Daniels, P.I., complete with a Quirk Hindrance where I would regularly do P.I. Monologuing. In this game, Jack Daniels, P.I., found himself working alongside a bunch of former circus performers played by the rest of the players.

Part of the campaign involved a bunch of illegal diamonds that had been smuggled inside of a lions paw (long story), so when the time came that the party was in full control of them and was prepared to split them, I - staying in character - had to pass on taking any of the diamonds because as a former police officer who had quit the force due to corruption, I couldn't justify Jack Daniels, P.I. accepting any of them.

As it was, I was only able to justify not reporting the diamonds to the police, which I mostly did for the sake of not making the players unhappy.

On the flip side, while everyone else was busy going off and spending their money, I got to have some fun as Jack Daniels, P.I. did a lone stakeout and subsequently shadowed a major villain to find his headquarters, a shadowing that included jumping out the back of a trolly to avoid getting spotted.
Syth 22nd Aug 2013, 5:53 PM edit delete reply
Ah, loot. The start and end of all my problems as DM.

I'm usually pretty fair when it comes to loot. But save for one Rules Lawyer (our wizard) the rest of the party doesn't track loot like an accountant with OCD.

So after a LOT of adventuring they get back to civilization and they start spending their swag. At the end of which the wizard hands me a list of everything he's buying while we're on a drink refill break. It's ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE greater than anyone else in the party, more than most of the rest of the party COMBINED.

Then the sly bastard shows me his math.
Despite me verbally telling the party what they got and what it cost only HE was the one writing it down. So when we'd start up at the next session he would tell everyone what they got.

He had been skimming off the top 10 to 50% by embezzling from the party coffers when it was loot dividing time. And he was so decked out in gear he became a game crusher. They steam rolled everything I threw at them for a session or two until I could adjust enough to challenge the wizard but NOT wipe out the party.

The worst part, I rolled his starting character up with TN alignment. And as he was using his gear to save the world it was in his best interests to use his superior intellect to allocate those funds.

The crafty bastard. . .
High Tea 22nd Aug 2013, 7:23 PM Authentic Franklin Mint edit delete reply
We had a character in a D&D game who managed to get his hands on a weapon of legend - a staff I think - which was valuable but useless to the rest of the party. The player left for a while, and we sold the character into slavery and his belongings to a shop.
Player returns later on (apparently they didn't want him in the brothel after all) and went hunting for the stuff we sold. We were passing a weapon shop when the GM casually throws in that a staff hanging on the wall looked awfully familiar. Character realises it's his weapon of legend, but we try to convince him it's a Franklin Mint collectible replica. Player gets narky, and rolls his perception vs the other character's bluff. Natural 1 vs a natural 20. Firmly believes it's a replica and off we go on our merry way, all the time him saying it's amazing how accurate they can get those replicas these days.
An awesome turn of events, and even more awesome how everyone played along with it.
emmerlaus 22nd Aug 2013, 11:59 PM edit delete reply
Ah... the loot. I got a story that is 8 year old about that.

Its not a story about sharing loot but rather getting loot in a way the GM didnt expect.

The Gm wanted to test how we would do against a bigger Red Dragon then we cant handle and WARN US beforehand. We know where is lair is too and decided that he is no longer able to cast spells... As background, he tell us our mission is to take back the loot from the dragon and give most of it to the kingdom (it was a one-shot so we didn't mind to have no loot)

I came up with a plan. I played a Cleric and putted in my list "Imbue with spell ability" and a sending spell I think. The point was that once we saw the dragon, I teleport away with the rogue (the one with he best Bluff check) while letting the Frenzy Berserker distract the dragon (I cant remember what the other players was).

Once out of reach but with lair in sight, I say to the rogue to tell the dragon he have some AWESOME loot and thanks him for his generosity.

The rogue had maxest his bluff check, got a good check and Red Dragons are extremely greedy (a malus to sense motive check). So he run back to his cave...

And once he is inside, I cast EARTHQUAKE (don't remember if it was on spellist or if I bought a scroll and let the Rogue use Use Magic Device. It worked anyway)

The GM didnt plan this. The Red Dragon litterally got buried in his volcano lair and he asked to us why we did that? Our mission was to get back the loot and now, it all got melted away in the lava!

My answer: " Dragons are like pigs: Every part of it is good"

I explain that when he is dead form suffocation, we dig him up and cast Gentle Repose on him. After that, we just need to send message the to king saying that we killed the dragon and to shred him in piece to get his loot back...

SotF 23rd Aug 2013, 12:54 AM Loot edit delete reply
Most fun I had was using a slightly modified version of Vow of Poverty in a 3.5 gestalt game.

Natural Endomanthrope (Wasp) Warforged Warlock/Chaos Monk...

The rest of the party decided that since I didn't get to keep any loot, they'd just keep the portion I'd have gotten.

Best parts were nearly getting myself killed repeatedly due to party actions...and the party Wizard be forced at blast point to not charge for patching me up when they tended to use my character as a distraction and for a while to trigger traps...

And thanks to a feat I found somewhere (I think from the magazines) that let me substitute Cha for Wis with Monk abilities, so I let waspy be as perceptive as a tree stump and not to bright either...

But it was rather fun to start out as a very loud and semi-delusional crazy, shapeshifting robot wasp...
Disloyal Subject 18th Nov 2013, 8:44 AM Transformers edit delete reply
So... you were a Medium-sized Beast Wars transformer, with lasers?!? (And invocations, I guess...)
Thubby 23rd Aug 2013, 1:20 AM edit delete reply
I never did understand the habit some groups get into of being grabby about loot. even ignoring that you only have so many item slots, you really only shoot yourself in the foot by denying the fighter that next upgrade to the shield he's going to save your butt with.

besides which, an adventuring party is fundamentally a group of people who:
-spend weeks/months/years at a time together
-fight unspeakable horrors together
-regularly protect each others arses
-depend on one another for basic survival.

stabbing each other in the back isn't just immoral, it's incomprehensible within any remotely human frame of mind.
Raxon 23rd Aug 2013, 5:03 AM edit delete reply
In some games, it is understood, or even effectively required for you to screw the party over for your own personal gain. Otherwise, you might be accused of being a filthy communist.

Tengokujin 23rd Aug 2013, 4:55 PM edit delete reply
Or worse, a filthy, *mutant* commie traitor.
Emmerlaus 24th Aug 2013, 1:06 AM edit delete reply
It depends of the group loyalty, really... By the way, you just reminded me of a other story I have to share.

We made a short adventure for a staring GM. It wasnt supposed to last more then 2 or 3 sessions.

The group was made of a bard, a wizard a fighter and me, a cleric of Fharlanghn. I was of course neutral cleric BUt I decided to channel negative... simply because I wanted to try it.

We went across a suspended bridge above a canyon and ended on a road where the GM let a trap full of undeads (dont ask me how they got there, I dont even remember)

A huge hole was in the ground, filled with undead and the fighter was in there too.

Now, I decide to use Scorching Ray to attack them at distance, wanting to jump in there only if the fighter seemed in real trouble (which he wasnt so far)

... but the bard suddenly decided that I shouldnt be fighting in distance and PUSH me in the hole, telling my character to go help him in melee.

Because of that, I ended close to negative hp, which could have being prevented. Fortunatly, I had a wand to cure my wounds ( I used most of it, wasnt happy about that).

However, when I try to make the group decide on the punishement of the bard, they refused to acknowledge my point and wanted me to heal them.

At dusk, my spell replenish as I channel negative... so I decided to punish the group for essentially see me as a healing whore.

I use my most basic healing on them to close theirs wounds and tell them I'll heal them more tommorrow, after I get some sleep.

I take the first watch for the night and decide to let them sleep. I prepared Silence and Protection from Chaos (ALL of them were chaos aligned) to kill the bard AND wizard, which was easy as pie. I took all their possession with me with me and drag their naked body on the suspended bridge and burn it after I went across.

After that, I simply left the fighter, cross the bridge and burn it after. I knew he had to way to cross it now and that even if he figured out what happened (which he didnt LOL), he wouldnt be able to track me now, as he only awaken up the next morning... and with only half his HP remaining, it would have being a bad idea anyway.

Just so you know, one of my best friend (and starting player) was the bard. He understood after that to not consider clerics as only good healers...
emmerlaus 24th Aug 2013, 1:09 AM edit delete reply
Sorry for double post... just wanted to say its 4 Am here, thats why my english is so bad and that I had a hard time writing this post... Not my first language XD
Disloyal Subject 18th Nov 2013, 8:41 AM Fire-Forged Friends edit delete reply
My screen name notwithstanding (that just represents my OC's burning hatred for Celestia) I agree completely. My party never stopped ripping up the literally nailed-down valuables in our patron's house long enough to get my explanation, though... aside from the CN barbarian, we were all good-aligned, but I felt like the only one who wasn't Neutral Evil! Even the Paladin!
SammiRei 23rd Aug 2013, 6:09 PM edit delete reply
I recall an incident in a 3.5 game where the party Ranger was actually the one to appropriate most of the loot.
He had a valid reason: saving his family from someone who they were in debt to, but my sorceress (who was young and rather hot-headed) didn't understand that.
So she hit the Ranger in the face and crotch with a magic missile spell.
Klice 24th Aug 2013, 2:03 PM edit delete reply
I'm late but I think you've forgotten those who give close to nothing unless you pass the entire session working for it...
remia1 27th Aug 2013, 9:06 AM long story, but I hope it is worth it... edit delete reply
So, I was in college, and my friend was GMing a group, and he wanted me to join, because I thought differently then the rest of the players.
I create, at his requeszt, a mage. The group was currently made up of fighters and rogues, and needed some spellcasting. Said mage had 18 int, 17 dex, and the rest about average. He was a master with thrown knives, and was willing to have an increased spell failure chance to wear leather armor. He also had a wel trained horse. I got to start at half the exp of the rest of the group, and half the gold, so that I had a chance of survival.
So I join the group, and the self appointed leader makes my character sell everything he owns and get an ankle length robe and pointy hat, both covered in stars and moons and what not, because "that's how a mage dresses" the horse went to the party leader until it bit him, and I got a mule.
This didn't make me happy, but I was willing to adjust.
We were called into the office of the town mayor, who commented on my change of wardrobe since I'd last seen him. He was the one, the GM explained, that chose me to go with the group as his 'freelance peacekeeping agents,' providing them with some magical backup on a difficult assignment.
We were being sent to kill his ancient rival, a being known as Leigon. the last time the 2 faced off against one another they created the Plane of Glass, a wasteland roughly 50 miles in diameter, made of glass that moaned with the souls of those killed in the blast. As I started to ask for more information, the leader grunted that we would take the job. The Mayor said that we would each be paid 50,000 gold. and like that, we were off.
The mayor stopped us long enough to tell us tht Legion lived in a mage's tower in the middle of a forest of apple trees 3 day's ride to the west.
A week later, with the party bitching about how slow I was moving (thanks to my mule) we finally made it to the forest. We could see the tower peeking over the tops of the trees. We would camp for the night, the leader announced, and in the morning, charge the tower.
I suggested using the cover of the forest and the darkenss to scout, and in fact offered to do so. This resulted in one of the thieves knocking me out cold, and tying me to a tree.
I awoke the next morning with a headache and a grumbling belly. The camp was abandoned before it was set up, and I was left alone. I untied myself, and with my stupid hat as a bag, collected a breakfast of apples as I headed for the tower. Along the way I asked the GM if I sensed any magical divination, and was told that yes, the being in the tower was aware of everything that happened in the forest. I also had all of my memorized spells as I had yet to cast a thing.
In a short amount of time I found the rest of the party, just as I was on my last apple. th others were 'pleased' to see I had found them, and they were trying to decide how best to deal with the plate-mailed guards standing in a ring shoulder to shoulder at the base of the tower. Sticking my apple on teh dwarf warrior's helmet spike, I put on my hat and cast a chain lightning spell, knocking most out and killing a few. The others made short work of the guards after that, as we walked into the tower.
We enter the tower, and see that it is MUCH bigger on the inside, with a grand staircase leading up, well lit by candles. the ground floor has darkened doors leading every which way. The party leader announces that we are going to split up and each pick a path. I say I'm followingthe lights. the others scoff, and head into darkness. after several combat rounds and doors being slammed, they follow me, beaten and bloody.
At the top of the stairs is a huge 3 story tall door that opens easily into a luxorious ball room. at the far end is a throne and between us and it is a sumptuous feast. pirched on te throne is a wizened old man, who greets us with a toothless grin and offeres us a meal, as he so seldom recieves guests. I shrug and go and sit at the table, and begin eating. unseen hands refilling platters and passing food to me at my gesture. the others join me upon seeing that I'm not dying of poison. The old man hobbles down and sits across from me and begins to chat. I answer as I am able, between bites of food, and eventually say that we are there looking for Legion.
He asks why.
I say we were hired to kill him.
He says that it is poor manners to kill ones host.
This is the point where 2 important thing happen.
1) the rest of the party attacks.
2) we discover that Legion has that name because he is a shapeshifter, and each form has its own suite of powers. and that he can switch between them at will.
in a short space of time, Legion has just about killed everyone and is looking at me expectantly, "Well?" he asks.
"This wine is very good," I say, " '68?"
"'53, common mistake. only 20 bottles were ever produced. I duplicate it as needed. Aren't you going to try to kill me?"
"No, I'd like answers first." With that, Legion and I start talking, and I find out that he has been trying to hide from the mayor, but is continuously sought out by search parties (which he kills) and has had to move his tower several times. Finally, after finishing the greatest meal I have ever had, I tell Legion, "I can solve your problems, but it will cost you. First heal my friends, and send them to the next town up the road, not the one we came from. alter their minds so they thing I was sent to collect the payment. it was clear the mayor prefered dealing with me."
Legion agrees and does so. "First," I say, "I need a head. Human is my first choice, but that's optional." the head of one of the dead guards is teleported to me. I put it in my stupid hat. "There's your head. Next find some little out of the way village in the middle of nowhere looking for a witch doctor. set yourself up there. have a back room that only you and a chosen few can enter. Have all this," I gesture around me, "hidden there. and if search parties come looking for you, doin't kill them. that's how the mayor finds you. Let your tower fall."
Legion agrees to try my plan, but if after a year it fails, my life, and the lives of my friends is over. I agree.
With that I find myself outside the forest, with a severed head and a cranky mule, and the GM takes me out of the room. I get to the mayor's office, looking very much worse for wear, and tell him of the glorious battle in which I and my fellows manage to slay the being Legion. Being the last surviving member of the party, I have brought for him the demonspawn's head.
The mayor is suprised at this, and that the head looks nothing like what he remembers. I point out that Legion was a shapeshifter, a fact he failed to mention, and that this was the firm he was in when he died.
The mayor nods, and hands me a bag. "there is your 50k."
"Where's the rest?" I say.
"Excuse me?"
"It was 50k each, I need the money for my friends as well."
"I don't pay the dead."
Aththis point I start to spin a tale of woe for each of the party members, how each has families plagued with hardship, and they, bein ghte only providors of said families, had become adventurers to support them. I also point out that allowing the families who he has hired die as a result of his refusal to pay would be very bad for his reputation. All of this results in the mayor paying 5 times the agreed amount. Each.
With that, I go to the bank, (yeah there was a world wide banking system networked by the priests of the gods of commerce) and make several deposites into each party member's account, and then I go shopping.
I buy a new horse, a better horse, and a new outfit, enchanted to avoid the spell failure, as well as new throwing knives (and a few other trinkets). I then ride to the next town, and meet the party at the Inn where they are recuperating. Waiting for me (seeing as 2 weeks has passed by this time) is a message from Legion. "everything is working well, nice outfit, they will let you keep this one. I'll be in touch as needed. -- L"
I enter the room (both in and out of character) , and announce, "guys your plan worked"
"What plan?"
"The plan to have me talk to the mayor. as it turned out he DID like me best, and agreed to pay us each triple for our hard work."
everyone is happy with this, except the guy playing the leader, who thought he heard something about 5 times. the GM looks him in the eye and says, no, as far as you know, you each got paid triple.
things didn't work out, the guy playing the leader raised such a stink about me not being a 'true player' that he threatened to quit the group if I stayed. the rest of the players, being long time friends of his, reluctantly agreed. the GM kept my character around, had me occasionally act as an advisor to give him plot ideas, and my character eventually became Legion's apprentice, and a demigod of that world. as well as a reoccuring mentor figure to the party. which made the leader's player pissy.
Disloyal Subject 18th Nov 2013, 8:37 AM 'Leader' edit delete reply
Wow, what a shitlord. You're kinder than I; if my party takes my stuff, tells me how to dress, knocks me out, and ties me up without any provocation, I'd let them stay dead, if I didn't kill them myself. I'd probably trash their corpses, too - bear chow, or zombies, or just sell them to necrophiliacs. Good is not soft.
NecroLeprechaun 5th Feb 2014, 11:26 PM edit delete reply
I haven't had much of a story for looting as I have a CHARACTER for looting. Gold, specifically. Derryl Feygrove is half halfling, and half leprechaun. As such I have an affinity for finding gold, which means I usually get the brunt of anything that even looks like gold from looting. It does leave me at a loss with non-gold loot, but what can I say? I would just trade whatever other loot I get for gold anyway, so I just cut out the middle man. Leprechauns + natural gold obsession + PC = fun acting whenever gold is involved.