Page 332 - Mr. Welch for Ponies

3rd Sep 2013, 6:00 AM in Intermission 3
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Mr. Welch for Ponies
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 3rd Sep 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
Author: Zarhon

Guest Author's Note: "Inspired by Mr. Welch. Who is probably Rainbow Dash in this comic. Or Pinkie Pie. Or both.

It's probably only a matter of time before they have to read this list to Princess Celestia, or she has to read it to them."

Newbiespud's Note: We've got a couple more of these along this theme. They'll be spread out over the course of this break.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Digo 3rd Sep 2013, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
There are a few excellent points in this one. I've had players attempt to bend/break physics before. Not one incident has succeeded to this point. :)

I did run a very short-lived time traveling campaign. I expected the PCs to really derail themselves by altering history in the most insane ways possible.

Instead they blew themselves up trying to overclock the time machine's power source.
Metool 3rd Sep 2013, 11:19 AM edit delete reply
Why let physics get in the way of fun?
Kaze Koichi 4th Sep 2013, 7:18 AM edit delete reply
This reminds me of infamous flying dwarf story.

A dwarf was falling into a pit. He desided to try and fly by waving his hands. Then he roled 3 natural 20s in a row. So GM let him be. A dwarf in a fullplate flew out of the pit.
Zuche 3rd Sep 2013, 6:16 AM edit delete reply
Mr. Welch strikes me as the sort of player that would be more entertaining if used as a piñata.
Digo 3rd Sep 2013, 7:31 AM edit delete reply
Aye, he's the type of player that games only to break the game. Sadly I doubt candy comes out when we break him.
Zuche 3rd Sep 2013, 7:39 AM edit delete reply
We could always glue a dozen papier mache bags of candy to his torso before we string him up.

Does anyone want to volunteer as test subject? Anyone?
Raxon 3rd Sep 2013, 9:46 AM edit delete reply
Aaaactually, he's what you might call a looney. Yeah, he's made some game breakers, but mostly it's just fooling around. I'm pretty sure he said he only does these things for plops and giggles. He doesn't try to ruin the game for anyone. Except bad GMs and disruptive players..
Zuche 3rd Sep 2013, 10:30 AM edit delete reply
RAXON!! Thank you for volunteering! Just hold still now while I apply the adhesive...
Digo 3rd Sep 2013, 1:58 PM edit delete reply
As an experienced GM, a lot of things on his list are game breakers. Maybe he doesn't mean to break things, but then I'd peg him more in the category of "Well intentioned extremist" for that.
Jannard 3rd Sep 2013, 2:44 PM edit delete reply
"Fooling around" can also be a problem, not everyone expects the game to be a series of increasingly ridiculous gags, even if there are noble intentions behind. Loonies oftentimes don't realize what they're doing wrong (like breaking the game, unintentionally or not, ruining the mood of a particular setting or session, or being repetitively silly to the point nobody finds them funny anymore). But yeah, like any other player archetype, it falls to the specific player to know when and how or just be a sad caricature of himself, and to the rest of the gaming group (especially the DM) to make it work as it is or put an end to it whenever appropiate.
Anvildude 4th Sep 2013, 5:53 PM edit delete reply
Unless, of course, you're playing TOON.
Zarhon 3rd Sep 2013, 9:54 AM edit delete reply
Mr. Welch is either a min-maxer with no common sense/regard for the setting, or a variant of Old Man Henderson. Amusing to an observer, but hard to keep in check by a DM (or play with as a PC, depending on their treatement of 'allies').
FanOfMostEverything 3rd Sep 2013, 7:05 AM edit delete reply
If the villain is an obvious expy of Q, I am not allowed to bluff my way into the Continuum.
MumaKirby 3rd Sep 2013, 4:56 PM edit delete reply
I can't wait until we reach Discord. XD "... Wait a minute... you were watching The Next Generation while you were writing up this adventure, weren't you?"

"... No...! Maybe.... Yes."
ShadowDragon8685 4th Sep 2013, 11:33 PM edit delete reply
It could be worse. They might have been watching Voyager. :)
Kokuten 3rd Sep 2013, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
I am not allowed to full-auto burst my Minerva-Aegis Lasgun point-blank into an enemy, causing him and his ammo to explode, which causes his partially damaged enemy to explode, causing a sick chain reaction of gore and mayhem, then ignore the enormous insanity points from the grisly and ridiculous scene because 'the explosions look so distractingly cool'.
Zuche 3rd Sep 2013, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
I hope this won't prevent any of these panels from seeing use in the main series.

I'm also not sure what to make of that last "not allowed to", since it seems to be saying, "Not allowed to use magic in a fantasy RPG."

...Surprisingly, I'm okay with that. I think it's contributed heavily to a player tendency to act more like the antagonists you need to see put down hard in a fantasy adventure.
Digo 3rd Sep 2013, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
I'm sure it'll be alright. These strips are obviously not canon to the series and Spud has been really good at turning the story plots on their heads.
Blues 3rd Sep 2013, 8:37 AM edit delete reply
In a campaign I was a player in, our DM had the house rule that once per session you could attempt a "knowledge: Physics" roll. If you rolled a natural 1, you could then break the laws of physics, simply by being so ignorant that you didn't know you couldn't do it. I never used it, since I was attempting to play a more serious character, but several of the other players tried to.

Only once did one actually "Succeed." He and another player were caught in a trapped room with no obvious way out. Rather than figure out the puzzle the DM had set up using an enchanted mirror, the player decided that he was going to walk through the wall using a knowledge: physics check. We were all ready to laugh at him walking face first into a wall when, lo and behold, he actually rolled a one. he immediately walks through the wall into the hallway he came from. The other player, attempting to be in character, saw him walk through the wall and decided that the wall was simply an illusion spell. So then he tried to walk through the wall, and promptly smacked into it and fell down. The first guy then broke the trap by opening the door and letting his wall-smacked friend out.
TermInexHatesCharCap 3rd Sep 2013, 8:38 AM edit delete reply
One of my players was a bard with glibness, so he kept trying to bluff the laws of physics at every opportunity. He failed.

This didn't stop him from becoming a king and then a god eventually.
Chimerat 3rd Sep 2013, 9:06 AM edit delete reply
Poor Pinkie Pie. Just because she's the most creative, the GM has to clamp down on her most! :p
Zarhon 3rd Sep 2013, 9:51 AM edit delete reply
Challenge for the comment-warriors: Make alternate captions for the panels of your own! :-) That, or your own "Mr. Welch" styled rules that actually happened or might happen.

Who knows, you might even guess a few future comic ones!
Raxon 3rd Sep 2013, 10:16 AM edit delete reply
I assume story time is things we're not allowed to do in games anymore.

1) If I play an ascended 'dumb' species, like a slime, I am not allowed to have the words 'porn star' ANYWHERE in my backstory.

2) I am not allowed to have a celibate monk pimp for the other party members, purely because he can't get laid.

3) "Pokemon" is not an acceptable reason why that adamantine golem should be susceptible to alchemists fire. It is, however, still vulnerable to earthquakes that split the ground and swallow it whole.

4) My wizard's crow familiar is NOT the ideal being to fight that large earth elemental because of type matchups.

5) I am, in fact, allowed to have more than four spell slots. No, I don't have to forget a spell slot to learn a new one.

6) My bag of tricks does not hold my team, and they did not, in fact, defeat the elite four.

7) I am never, ever, ever allowed to to make any character from Final Fantasy 7.

8) Even Aeris.

9) Especially Aeris.

10) I am not allowed to play a half-centur rust monster. That goes double if I brought diagrams to show how such a union is possible.

11) I am no longer allowed to describe the mating practices of any aberration.

12) I may play a barbarian in a wheelchair. However, said barbarian cannot sue dungeons to make them wheelchair accessible.

13) I am not allowed to base any character on anything made by Cyriak. Even if it comes from the far realm.

14) The assault on Helm's Deep does not end with a giant hell cat leaping onto the platform where the party is, and destroying everything.

15) My cat is not the final boss of anything, unless it involves playing as mice, or possible bugs.

16) My cat does not have a spell-like ability Pacify Tarrasque. Even if she purrs really loudly.

17) I am forbidden from enchanting my genitals into a rod of wonder.

18) A rod of cancellation is also banned.

19) Orbs of annihilation are expressly forbidden. This goes double if they are part of my body, and triple if it is in some way related to my genitals.

20) Quivering palm does not drive the ladies wild. Even if I am allowed to use it for sex, it just makes her naughty bits explode horribly. It does not vibrate pleasurably.

21) Rubber hose decryption does not involve any of the following; Funnels, douches, billows, enemas, marbles, wasabi, loose change, shredded cabbage, or copper wire.

22) I am not allowed to handle gardening implements for any reason.
Chris 3rd Sep 2013, 5:38 PM edit delete reply
21: Why not? It seems to me that any or all of the above could be suitable implements for rubber-hose cryptanalysis.
Raxon 4th Sep 2013, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
My plan was to use the hose to begin threading the copper wire through the body. After the marble it was attached to went all the way through, my plan was to hook both ends of the wire to winches and slowly crank them. Never got the chance. The wasabi would have gone into nose and sinuses.

The enemas and douches I merely laid on the table and said, "leaving evidence would be sloppy."

When I play an evil sociopath, I pull out all the stops. And her only crime was being her boss's personal assistant. She gave me all the info, and I never even had to lay a hand on her.

The coins had little holes in them, and I showed her my dolls. They had coins sewn into the eyes. Yes, I got the idea from Coraline. I love that movie.

As you can see, the terrible things got progressively worse with each item I laid out. I explained what I would do with each item as I laid them out in front of her.

And then I silently set out the bowl of shredded cabbage, and she immediately tells me everything I want to know. She didn't even give me a chance to unpack the traffic cone.
AttentionDeficitGuy 4th Sep 2013, 8:32 AM edit delete reply
1. I am not allowed to play a character who thinks he is immortal.

2. I am not allowed to play a character who actually is immortal.

3. My falchion is not an all-purpose tool.

4. I am not allowed to make any character from Fairy Tail. Especially Achnologia.

5. I am not allowed to play a dragon. PERIOD.

6. I am not allowed to magically bind a dragon to me and force it to do my will.

7. I am not allowed to magically bind a whole race of dragons to me and force them to do my will.

8. I am not allowed to ascend to godhood.

9. Related to number 8, I am not allowed to be any character from Homestuck.

10. No amount of natural 20s will turn me into a dragon.
Raxon 4th Sep 2013, 9:57 PM edit delete reply
Must be losing my touch. I was sure someone would ask what I was going to do with the shredded cabbage.

It was my lunch. The traffic cone, I would rather not explain, as that is so incredibly horrible, once you knew, you could never unknow. The mental image would never, ever leave you. You would never be able to look at an orange cone the same way again.
Zuche 3rd Sep 2013, 10:58 AM edit delete reply
1. My pegasus teammate is not a toy.

2. Earth ponies do not make suitable pendulums.

3. A "Bad Hair Day" is not an excuse to party.

4. We're going to take a break from gaming until you can look me straight in the eye again.

5a. That is not what flour power means.
5b. That is not what a rocky relationship means either.
5c. These jokes better not turnip as plot points in your next campaign.

6. The next time you try to reduce the weight of a tent until it's next to nothing, you're not going to happy with the results.

7. It's perfectly fine for your character to be into older women. That whole Bea Arthur thing stops being funny the first time you actually have to follow through with it.

8. Teaching the world to sing doesn't let you go around claiming to be a coke dealer.

9. This is the last time I listen to your suggestions for home remedies.

10. Your feet don't belong on the table.

11. Keep your dirty thoughts about other people's miniatures to yourself.

12. It doesn't matter how effectively it portrays your character's appearance after a day of fighting alligators in a swamp, you will still change and shower before you come to the table after your shift at the sewage treatment plant.

13. Your tail cannot be used as a personal flotation device.

14. Whatever you may have heard, a smile cannot be your umbrella, not even if you brought enough rope for the whole party.
Dragooner 3rd Sep 2013, 11:19 AM why i probably should not get into the roleplaying game genre edit delete reply
1: i will probably not be allowed to buy huge ammounts of white flour and then spread it in the air, after which i will tell whoever will be in my group that has a firespell to send it into the cloud. after all there isn't much that will surive a big explosion. the same can probably be said about sugar too.
Duffman18 3rd Sep 2013, 11:31 AM edit delete reply
I don't have too many unfortunately, but here's a few:

1. I am not allowed to convince greater daemons to eat themselves.

2. I am not allowed to assassinate monarchs, political figures, or military leaders via dimensional shambler.

3. I am not allowed to use the necronomicon to become an all-powerful lich and summon slenderman.

4. I am not allowed to literally leave the party hanging off a cliff while I go stretch my legs . . . especially when this causes large explosions. (bit of a long story).

5. The party is not allowed to show any political, historical, or literary figures the Yellow Sign just to see what happens . . . even if Winston Churchill was fine and pseudo-insulted the honor of a party member.

6. We are not allowed to prank the above figures by putting flaming feces in front of their door in a paper bad even if Winston Churchill deserved it.

7. We are not allowed to have tommy guns in Call of Cthulu . . . EVER.

8. We are not allowed to organize and militarize drunk bar patrons for our own ends, especially if this escalates the 5-way gang/governmental warfare going on in the city.
9. We are not allowed to start a 5-way gang/governmental war by bombing something in broad daylight because we were too lazy to follow someone into the building.

10. I am not allowed to juggle dark matter even if my character has the ability to.
Kaze Koichi 4th Sep 2013, 7:20 AM edit delete reply
7. And what's a problem with that? Not like it can do any help.
l3f4y 3rd Sep 2013, 11:51 AM edit delete reply
1) I am not allowed to backflip my way into the midst of eight angry enemies during a surprise round.

2) I am not allowed to throw the barbarian at the giant sloth demon.

3) I am not allowed to extort the naga for money while she's keeping the air bubble up.

4) I am not allowed to shoot the smugglers' boss after he has surrendered and is prone.

4b) I am definitely not allowed to shoot him again.

I'll add any more if I can think of them...
PathFinder 3rd Sep 2013, 12:00 PM edit delete reply
1. I cannot win a staring contest with basilisk, medusa or any other monster with petrifaction gaze attack to avoid being turn to stone.
2. I will not deny help from other team members, so I don't have to split XP.
3. Calling thunder is not “prank spell”
4. I cannot lift gargantuan sized monster with telekinesis before level 17 no matter what the dice say.
5.I will not kick sleeping dragon in the face no matter how bored I'm.
6. Tornado never solved any of my problems
7. Just because other player offered to make me magic item, doesn't mean he will be your slave-sweatshop worker
8. Never again as a Wizard I will run on the enemy screaming "Charge!"
9.Rainbow cannot be weaponized
10. I will not whine at GM until I get what I want
11. Sharing common backstory with other players is aimed at building team spirit, not just to get free team-feats
12. Being invited to Royal Gala should not be used only to acquire money and political power.
13. Thrashing said Royal Gala is not appropriate response for not succeeding in acquiring money and political power.
14. No matter how high my alchemy skill is - chocolate milk can't be turned into explosives.
15. I will not choose my animal companion by series of deadly tests.
Brickman 4th Sep 2013, 4:43 AM edit delete reply
Oooh, ones for the actual mane 6? Here's a few:

16. None of my abilities cause SAN damage as a side effect.
16a. Especially not in my teammates.
17. I will not insist that the world-saving quest is a solo mission just because I'm the one who was talking to the NPC when she gave us the plot hook.
18. I may not wait until I've heard all the other characters' backstories so that I can "one-up" them by being responsible for all of them.
19. I may not acquire a second familiar and force them to fight for my affections.
20. No matter how high I roll, I cannot "trick" any gods of evil or chaos into reforming using only the power of kindness.
20a. Especially not permanently.
21. Any crafted disguise which involves three or more people in the same "body" is going to incur a *serious* penalty to our stealth checks.
22. I'm not allowed to let my teammate spend the whole session trying to solve a crime when the culprit was the entire rest of the party.
23. I am not allowed to counteract the villain's power-boosting MacGuffin by pretending to have an even more powerful MacGuffin that I just made up.
24. Under no circumstances should the entire party's familiars and animal companions be given a task and then left unsupervised while we pursue a more "important" quest.
PathFinder 4th Sep 2013, 9:14 AM edit delete reply
And here I thought nobody will see it in the sea of other lists.

25. Being a jerk without a reason is not "character development"
26. Love potion should not be used to acquire bonus for having a spouse.
27. I cannot declare rest of the party to be my family, when it is convenient, especially if party is multi-racial.
28. Being put in the position of power should not be equivalent of becoming military dictator, insane tyrant or snobbish racist ruler.
29. Bringing the party together to secretly destroy health and/or spirit of other player to "teach him/her a lesson" is not harsh friendship . It's a conspiracy
30. Destroying property of NPCs will give me penalty to future diplomacy checks. Saying "sorry" will not fix it.
31. 1v1 fight against the villain, with the help of the rest of the party, is not a duel
32. NPCs are not ok, with the fact that I don't remember their names or that I treat them interchangeable.
33. Destiny cannot be change by musical number. Even if it is catchy.
34. I will not steal pet of immortal goddess. Not even for just one day.
35. I will not clone myself. Again.
36. Reading skill is not just for spellcasters.

Destrustor 4th Sep 2013, 12:44 PM edit delete reply
37. Making the PLAYERS of your team-mates cry might be a little too much roleplaying. Even if your character is supposed to be mean at the moment.
38. My familiar is not allowed to acquire a familiar of his own.
39. I won't gain EXP for saving the town from a mind-controlling curse if I wasn't the one who actually solved the problem.
39a. Even moreso if I was the one who made the curse in the first place.
40. Even if I am somehow right, "being mean" is not acceptable proof of treason.
41. Even if it isn't explicitly stated in the rules, spending more time cheating than racing actually does incur penalties to your movement speed.
42. If I didn't fill out my background thoroughly, I am not allowed to whine when the DM springs surprise siblings out of nowhere.
Brickman 5th Sep 2013, 4:47 AM edit delete reply
43. I should not use intimidate on any creature whose eyes are bigger than my whole body.
44. I cannot pawn off my familiar onto another party member if I want a different feat.
44a. If I do and then change my mind, we should not spend the whole session trying to get him to come back.
44b. Both parts of this rule also apply to my character's siblings.
45. A duel should involve at least one duelist making at least one attack roll at some point.
46. I will not intentionally create a disaster big enough that the GMPC is compelled to intervene.
47. I will not ascend to godhood by casting any spell which uses my teammates' souls as material components.
48. I will not attempt to sneak into any place which I have explicit permission to enter.
48a. If I do, I will not give up on stealth as soon as I fail a lockpicking roll.
49. Any NPC I don't like is not automatically a hostile shapeshifter.
50. If I want to dramatically barge in at "Speak now or forever hold your peace", I will make sure that it is the actual ceremony and not the rehearsal.
50a. If I do burst in during the rehearsal and fail to put a stop to the wedding, I will not ALSO burst in during the actual ceremony.
51. Even if it is explicitly a good-aligned artifact, the MacGuffin cannot be used to "beat the evil out of" the main villain.
52. If a prophecy says the apocalypse will start in less than 24 hours and I am the only one who knows, I am allowed to shirk my normal job duties while searching for a solution. Even if my boss says otherwise.
53. There is no perception roll high enough to turn the tree monsters into illusions.
53a. No, not a bluff roll either.
54. If my character has wings, she is probably not scared of heights. Especially if she spent part of her childhood in a cloud city.
54a. If a flaw will prevent my character from using flight any time she is scared enough to consider fleeing, I will reconsider taking it.
55. I will not abuse gravity magic because climbing the stairs takes too long.
56. Under no circumstances will a visiting dignitary fail to notice that the town has been completely destroyed.
57. I will not try to replace the MacGuffin that powers the capital city's defenses with a crudely crafted duplicate.
57a. I will especially not do so the day before a ceremony in which it will be on display for the whole city.
57b. I will ESPECIALLY not schedule that ceremony for tomorrow knowing that the item is missing.
57c. Even moreso if the fake was crafted by someone who's never seen the original.
PathFinder 5th Sep 2013, 7:46 AM edit delete reply
By now, my favorite are 18, 22 and 40. We should post it somewhere without obvious pony content and see when somebody will make a connection. Anyway, let’s make a large round number:
58. Minimal amount of time necessary to acquire high proficiency at the skill is not one try.
59. I cannot make members of my family and childhood friends into military commanders or rulers with just my backstory.
60. I will not reference Star Wars any chance I get
61. Making your character fan of NPC/NPCs is lovable trait that makes him/her more alive. Making him a stalker is creepy
62. You cannot substitute offering to the dark god with offer of friendship
63. I will not steal from Hospital
63a. Especially things I can easily obtain legally
64. I will not forget that I can fly or teleport just to add drama
65. If my teammate has a spare powerful item I will let him/her choose what to with it. Without harassing and bribing
66. If our vehicle stopped working I will not force NPC to pull it
67. I will not sabotage peace talks
68. Tree cannot be a my Paladin’s mount
69. If I cannot do something now, I cannot put it in my childhood backstory
70. My character name cannot be reference to teenage vampire franchise, alcohol drink, common adjective or reference to color of my skin.
Brickman 5th Sep 2013, 4:31 PM edit delete reply
That sounds fun, but we probably won't actually do it. I'd at least like to see this consolidated somewhere less transient though. Also thanks for liking two of mine!

71. No matter how many feats I take that raise it, my movement speed is capped and that cap is somewhere below the sound barrier.
72. I will not unseal the main villain from the previous campaign in hopes that I can coerce him into joining the side of good.
72a. I will especially not do so without a concrete plan.
73. Attempts to charm a monster with Animal Empathy must be made *before* the rest of the party throws their best attacks on it. Even if they won initiative.
74. Destroying the plot artifact right after I found it will not allow me to absorb its power.
75. Tomes containing the recipe for a love potion are not appropriate for a public library.
75a. They are especially not appropriate reading material for children.
Tatsurou 3rd Sep 2013, 12:23 PM edit delete reply
Here's a few of mine.

1. I am not allowed to put ALL my stat points into Charisma. Ever.
1a. A character with zero constitution is dead. It does not walk. No, you cannot play as a zombie rock star with max charisma, the rotting would give you a massive penalty. I don't care what Darkstalkers says, that's not how it works in D&D!

2. "I flirt with the enemy" is not a valid victory strategy, I don't care what your dice says.

3. Playing as a bard is not license to act insane unless I am playing as an insane bard, and I must take the penalties involved.
3a. No, I am not allowed to homebrew insanity to have no penalties. Insanity doesn't work that way.
3b. No, I am not allowed to pretend to be insane when I'm not without rolling bluff checks, no matter how convincing I am.
3c. Wearing a straightjacket to the game for character acting makes it very hard to roll the dice.

4. I am not allowed to play as a Pernese dragon unless one of the other players is my rider, and we must match that bond from the books.
4a. Being an anthro Pernese dragon does not mean I can cut the rider bond.
4b. I am not allowed to speculate what being the 'rider' of an anthro dragon actually entails.
4c. It doesn't matter if Pernese dragons lifting capacity is based in how much the dragon thinks it can carry, I am bound by the strength check.
4d. If I play as any form of Pernese dragon, I do not get the telekinetic ability unless I take the feat for it. Also, every jump between takes a concentration check to prevent being lost in there. Also, I am not allowed to breathe fire unless I actually have a supply of fire-stone and prepare it by chewing it, which requires a concentration check to keep from biting my tongue.

5. I am not allowed to have a Pernese fire lizard as a familiar unless I can justify how they live in the world of the quest and WHY they would develop those abilities.
5a. If I do justify it, the DM is allowed to use it against the party by giving those advantages to other creatures and villains.

4/5ext. Pernese telekinesis is not allowed to extract internal components of bodies unless the one doing so has the chef class, a special harvesting feat, succeeds the roll in question, and if it gets eaten before the day is out.
sidhe3141 3rd Sep 2013, 12:45 PM edit delete reply
Some of mine:

1. I will not re-enact the backstory of <i>Exalted</i> in D&D.
2. Unless "Troper" is somewhere in my backstory or character sheet, I will not short-circuit the plot using basic knowledge of genre conventions.
3. I will not bypass the biggest combat challenges of the module with a paper clip and the Science skill.
3.1. When the GM uses "it's magic" as an explanation for how the method of destroying the MacGuffin given in the module works, I will refrain from pointing out that the way magic works in the setting means that makes even less sense.
4. If an item does not have a listed cost, that means it is not available for purchase. Therefore, I cannot start with a fire hose, flamethrower, or rocket launcher.
5. Even if the substance involved is technically a drug, I cannot use a drug gland to produce thermobaric explosives.
6. There is no such thing as a silenced melee weapon.
7. Watching one episode of <i>The Boondocks</i> does not allow me to speak street-slang. Especially in 2070.
7.1. The last rule should not be interpreted as meaning that those who have not watched <i>The Boondocks</i> can automatically speak street-slang. Especially in 2070.
8. Magic items are not “good eatin'” Especially in 2070.
8.1. I will not add running gags to this list.
9. Cannot accuse the GM of ripping off an anime he's never seen. Even if he may as well be calling the MacGuffin Δ67.
10. Not allowed to use any plan that involves the words “moon the royal family”.
10.1. Really not allowed to actually pull it off.
Tatsurou 3rd Sep 2013, 10:28 PM edit delete reply
8.1. Especially in 2070.
Destrustor 3rd Sep 2013, 2:13 PM edit delete reply
1: "fireball" is not actually the solution to everything.
1a: especially if the original problem is, was caused by, or includes previous fireballs.
2:I am not allowed to keep watch at night. I attract everything bad.
3:Next time a questgiver makes me fetch what he needs to destroy the entire universe, I should at least warn the party of his intentions before roping them into helping me.
4:Shut up Destrustor, Just shut your stupid mouth.
5: "we're all going to die!" isn't a very inspirational speech.
6: it might be a bad idea for the level 3 ratfolk sorcerer to mock the balor holding him in his hand.
7:Setting zombies on fire actually makes them much, much worse to deal with.
8:insulting, threatening, or mocking gods in their own domain is not recommended.
8a: the same applies when dealing with ancient dragons, kings, and/or anything significantly more powerful than me.
9: the non-existent "philosophy" skill is not a substitute for bluff, diplomacy, spellcraft, intimidate, sense motive and all knowledge skills.
9a:even if I keep it maxed out. Especially if I keep it maxed out.
10: If my character can't decide whether to pray to Thor or Odin, "Thodin" is not an appropriate compromise, as it tends to anger both.
10a: Not allowed to attempt to weaponize the bolts of divine retribution caused by praying Thodin with nothing but well-timed hugs.
10b:No, the gods can't just sort it out by themselves. No, they don't care that I think they're being obtuse.
11: irrational murder-thirst is not the proper response to encountering the oracle who can tell us how to save the world, even if she is very annoying.

That's all that comes to mind right now.
SkeksisGirl 3rd Sep 2013, 2:28 PM I miss these kinds of Lists... edit delete reply
Was always, always, ALWAYS a fan of the "Things Runs-Like-Hell is no longer allowed to do in the Garou Nation" it always had me and other Werewolf: The Apocalypse players cracking up.
Thud 3rd Sep 2013, 3:21 PM edit delete reply
1. I don't care if everyone likes it better this way. You are not allowed to deface national landmarks with chalk. Especially if the King is in town.

2. I'd be more inclined to believe you when you say it's a sign of the oppression of your people if you weren't a wealthy merchant's son with friends in the nobility.

3. You are not allowed to deface the King with chalk.

4. Or the queen.

5. Stop trying to draw on the royal family!
Classic Steve 3rd Sep 2013, 3:24 PM edit delete reply
Heh, I started a "Skippy's List, Equestria Edition" thread elsewhere. Between me and other participants (but mostly me), we passed 130 rules.
Enchanter Tim 3rd Sep 2013, 3:34 PM edit delete reply
Ah yes, the Mr Welches list. 8) I remember contributing a few ideas to it. It was originally a thread on, inspired by the Skippy List, so there were dozens of people tossing out ideas, which became sillier as the the thread progressed.
Raxon 3rd Sep 2013, 5:07 PM edit delete reply
I also contributed, in the comments. My comment involves stupidity and two bags of holding.
Jason Shadow 3rd Sep 2013, 5:12 PM edit delete reply
Jason Shadow
From the Pony Tales: Aspirations of Harmony forum, I give you...

Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH
Valron 3rd Sep 2013, 8:24 PM edit delete reply
This is so perfectly timed for me. I was literally re-reading the Mr. Welch lists earlier today. Damn good comic in my opinion
Zarhon 3rd Sep 2013, 8:59 PM edit delete reply
You're welcome. :)

Got one more in the mix, as does someone who's work you've seen last year.
ShadowDancerBrony 3rd Sep 2013, 8:59 PM ShadowDancerBrony edit delete reply
We have an official list with my group "House Rules: the official unofficial rules of gaming." It started as an email chain letter, we copied it arranged by category and added our own rules to it. 75 pages later it's still going strong. What's surprising is that every few months we break it out as precedent to deny or retcon something. I'm currently working on printing out the fourth edition of it after additions, and revisions.
Walabio 3rd Sep 2013, 9:59 PM Grammatical Error. edit delete reply
> “I’m not allowed to intentionally lose sanity in a setting that DOES not features it.”

Should read:

> “I’m not allowed to intentionally loose sanity in a setting that DOES not feature it.”
Newbiespud 3rd Sep 2013, 10:59 PM edit delete reply
"To loose sanity"? To fire sanity as a projectile, or to free sanity as though it were a caged animal?

But yes, "features" shouldn't be pluralized. I'll fix it when I get around to it (Zarhon gave me the original GIMP files).
Raxon 3rd Sep 2013, 11:41 PM edit delete reply
Hey, that is perfectly legitimate. I weaponize my crazy all the time.
Spyer Flyer 3rd Sep 2013, 10:37 PM edit delete reply
Here's Mine:
1. Not allowed to use the comment section of the 'Friend is Dragons' webcomic for gameplay (and other) 'ideas'.
2. Not Allowed to 'Suggest' to others that they try #1.
3. Not Allowed to mention that tv.tropes exits either (particularly the 'The Grand List of Console Role Playing Game Clichés' section).
Syth 4th Sep 2013, 12:17 AM edit delete reply
13. Despite a dragoons jumping ability, no matter how many reverse gravity spells are affected on me mid jump I can't leap to the Lunar surface.

47. Never am I allowed to use my background in physics to reduce the BBEG's castle to rubble using simple balistae coated in Oil of Impact. Even if the damage rolls say so.

48. This goes double for my culinary background in turning the corpses of the defeated army into readily available food stuffs.

57. Even if it is my DM approved back story, because he didn't read those 37 pages VERY carefully, I can no start the game with the Lady of Pain as my girlfriend, fiance, wife, or Ex.

88. Even if the Orc is a team member killing bastard I'm not allowed to invent Green Bacon.

89. Double for the Half-Orc and Long Green Bacon.

112. Even if the rules allow it, none of the Mane Six are allowed to be my Bard's familar. Double if it's Vinyl and she's got a Bass Canon as her favored weapon.

127. "If I crits I sits" is not my prefered battle cry when usurping the warlord in his throne room.

155. If the new player cries during the opening establishing back story I am not allowed to be the DM any more.

156. Double so if it's a d20 varriant of Candy Land.

177. My character isn't allowed to talk to himself unless there is no one else around. And if he does, he can't use invisible colored boxes of text as the medium.

253. No more wizard characters after the Grease Spell TPK.

254. That goes double for Many Jaws.
Raxon 4th Sep 2013, 11:53 AM edit delete reply
255. Many Jews is not a spell, it was a typo.

256. Typos in the book are to be ignored.
Rokas 4th Sep 2013, 4:42 AM edit delete reply
All, the Welch List! I do so find it hilarious, even if the majority of them are made up.

#520 is still my favorite: "Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer."

Makes me crack up every time.
Kaze Koichi 4th Sep 2013, 7:08 AM edit delete reply
1. I am no longer allowed to participate in any game that "welcomes anyone no matter what."
2. I am not allowed to call other player's character "Mary Sue."
3. If a player disobeys GM, I cannot response by posting a video "Ma Su's execution."
4. I am actually allowed to weaponise broken fourth wall (it's not what you think).
5. If my miko's alignment is lawful good I cannot act like lawful evil no matter how noble are my intentions.
6. I cannot attack my oponent with Erupting God Finger if we are not playing giant robots game.
7. I cannot 1-hit-kill my oponent with Hokuto or Nanto moves.
8. ...Especially other player's character.
9. Saying "you are already dead" does not count as casting a deathspell.
10. If some players are minors, I am allowed to seduce characters, however I am not allowed to roleplay it.
11. Even if I am playing as a god of nuclear fusion, am not allowed to nuke the party members for fun. Or because they piss me off.
12. An afrodisiac is not a suitable substitute for laughing gas.
13. I am not allowed to call GMPC a "boring roleplay devise."
14. I am not allowed to start a discussion about how mikos must be "technical virgins" and various ways of bypassing it.
15. I am not allowed to skip or ignore final boss fight because it's boring.
16. Neither I am allowed to persuade other players to do the same.
ShadowDragon8685 4th Sep 2013, 11:59 PM edit delete reply
Re: 12.

What the hell is an afrodesiac, and what does it do? Does it make everybody within radius sprout a gigantic afro suitable for time traveling to the 1970s?
Kaze Koichi 5th Sep 2013, 4:16 AM edit delete reply
Alas, no. But duuuuuuuuuuude, if it did, that would be AWESOME!
Kaze Koichi 5th Sep 2013, 5:24 PM edit delete reply
And #13 should be "boring plot device," my bad. I was thinking about RD when posting that.
TheFreshDM 4th Sep 2013, 8:46 AM edit delete reply
I don't have many as we've just started but the only ones I have would be.
1. "You can NEVER start out as a Warforged at first level" EVER again.
2. You also cannot choose a homebrew class you found online.
2(A). The GM doesn't care if it has "proper ruling" it still wont happen.
3. Being Chaotic Nuetral doesnt give you justifiable cause to do whatever you want (At least things that are evil such as killing innocents) and say but my alignment would probably want me to do this. Thats Chaotic EVIL not Neutral
4. There are different variations of Lawful end of story, lets leave it at that.
4 (A). And No I will NOT get into this debate again, as it takes up too much real world time can be spent playing the game.
5. As friend to the players and them to me I ask they show my game respect by treating my world with respect and not killing anyone they see or destroying random property etc. and I'll do the same with NPC's atttudes and actions to the PC's.
Kaze Koichi 5th Sep 2013, 4:21 AM edit delete reply
4, 4A. Valid point. Alignment debates are annoying, can last long and distract players from the game. And there are times, when lawful good character needs to pick between Lawful and Good choice.
Ironblood 4th Sep 2013, 3:57 PM edit delete reply
1: I am not allowed anywhere near any long metal rails if I am playing a mage.
2: I am not allowed to build a railgun with long metal rails and lightning bolt spells.
3: I am not allowed to launch the paladin out of the railgun at the big bad.
Sums up my last game.
crazyredemu 4th Sep 2013, 6:57 PM edit delete reply
I'm not aloud to make the "Rape Dauphin" my animal companion
Dark_Albarn 4th Sep 2013, 8:54 PM edit delete reply
I am not allowed to play as Deadpool in any game but a Marvel themed game ever again.

Especially not Call of Cthulu.
Raxon 5th Sep 2013, 4:52 AM edit delete reply
Deadpool is my default character, but sometimes I like to shake it up a bit.

Sometimes I play Doom.
Syth 5th Sep 2013, 9:13 AM edit delete reply
"Aaaand you failed your sanity check."

"LOL, so wut? I lick the monster!"
Zarhon 5th Sep 2013, 12:46 AM edit delete reply
Yay, comic is still up on this very special date! Yay for coincidences! :)
Zuche 5th Sep 2013, 5:12 AM edit delete reply
Happy coincidence, Zarhon! And happy special date! May it be all the occasion deserves.
Strategist14 25th Sep 2013, 2:20 PM edit delete reply
I can't actually read it, it's too fuzzy. Is there any way to find a text list or something?