Page 336 - Smarmony Returns, Part 1

12th Sep 2013, 6:00 AM in Intermission 3
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Smarmony Returns, Part 1
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 12th Sep 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
Author: Digo

Guest Author's Note: "Beware the fury of a Game Master denied his triple-meat pizza, for rocks will fall and everyone will die."

Newbiespud's Note: This is the first in a whopping seven-part series. Enjoy!

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Midnight Blaze 12th Sep 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
I just love that look on Trixie's face!
Midnight Blaze 12th Sep 2013, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
Oh, wow. I'm first... Yay, I did it!
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Being first is okay, but I have to deduct points for double posting.
Zuche 12th Sep 2013, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
I prefer a first post that lets a second announce its presence, though letting the action speak entirely for itself is best.
Midnight Blaze 12th Sep 2013, 10:22 AM edit delete reply
Sorry about that.
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
"I invite you into my home, you sit at my table, and you dare to deny me my food? Am I amusing to you? Do you get your kicks watching my stomach growl? I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."

Story time today is about gaming food! Tell about what you eat during games!

I will make treats if we're playing in person, and I have the money. Heck, I might even cook for you. Sit down to a gaming session and BAM! Three course meal with a traditional family recipe!

Edit: This would include a loaded baked potato, secret family recipe casserole, and a muffin bowl. Each. You know what that costs me? Less than ten bucks.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 6:10 AM edit delete reply
Really? Huh, that's awfully nice of you. I've only ever cooked twice for my players. One time was a meatloaf casserole, the other was a "chicken nachos" kind of dish.

Generally we don't do much for snacks. Lightly salted Lays chips and Mountain Dew. Though now that I've begun a Shadowrun game, the players are bringing me bribes of chocolate so that Lone Star looks the other way when they trip the alarm on a B&E job.
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
I'm more than just a pretty face.

Muffin bowls are muffins which use an entire paper bowl for a paper cup thing. I know my gaming snacks. Along with my family recipe for Sopa. Hey, where you going? I promise, it has nothing to do with the internet, honest! Also, baked potatoes with butter, bacon bits, and chives are remarkably cheap, they just take a while to cook.

I like to cook. It's a bit of a hobby.

Usually, however, you chumps will be giving me feedback on my newest recipe experiments, usually chili. I really like my chili, and I work at improving it all the time.
NOTDilbert 12th Sep 2013, 10:30 PM edit delete reply
Mmmm. Baked potatos, topped with chili. Who did you need killed, again?
Destrustor 12th Sep 2013, 6:13 AM edit delete reply
Food during games?
My group is made up of people who universally hate ordering food. We like the food, but no one ever wants to actually call anywhere.
So what usually happens is that the one who has the least money to pay gets to call.
Or my DM just tells me "Pay for me and I'll call."

Generosity through pure crippling sloth. Yep, that's me.
Smilez221 12th Sep 2013, 6:17 AM edit delete reply
During the game, we usually eat popcorn and candy and other healthy things. After the session, though, we always have nachos. I'm talking real-cheese-with-salsa-refried-beans-and-jalepenos nachos. Made even spicier by the beer/soda.
Zuche 12th Sep 2013, 6:31 AM edit delete reply
I stopped cooking for my players when I noticed that the closest they came to thanks was, "Hurry it up."

In fairness, that was over fifteen years ago. The current lot sometimes bring baked goods, especially good when one of them is training as a pastry chef.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 6:37 AM edit delete reply
One of my former players used to bring his wife on occasion when she wanted to bake us some experimental cookies or muffins. Good times being a test subject, she rarely failed an experiment.
MutantPryde 12th Sep 2013, 6:41 AM edit delete reply
Hmmmm....the gaming group on Monday nights meets at a game store, so we usually buy food and drinks from them (although for birthdays, I'll usually bring a homemade chocolate chip cookie sheet cake type thing); after the game, though, we usually go out to eat at a local restaurant. However, with the gaming group on Sundays, we usually bring chips or veggies of some kind, and we each bring our own drinks.

I should also note that in the past, when I've brought homemade desserts, I earned the nickname "evil temptress", usually because they're decadent and delicious (Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, Ghiradelli's Double Chocolate brownies with homemade chocolate icing that contains literally a 1/2 bag of powdered sugar, that sort of thing).
Boden King 12th Sep 2013, 8:03 AM edit delete reply
The group I was with over the summer would normally order a pizza. A couple of times they would try to ask for a drawing on the boxes but I would tell them why it wouldn't happen (I'm a formal Domino's driver). Also, we would have a bowl of chips which I would help myself to. It got to the point where my character would start every session eating trail mix because he forgot lunch.
Freemage 12th Sep 2013, 9:07 AM edit delete reply
We've got... a LOT of allergies spread out in our group. Almonds and sulfur (including eggs and chicken, for the record) are the biggest two, followed by high-acid foods like tomatoes. Oh, and recently, a diagnosis of lactose intolerance, and another player who is a diabetic and thus has to limit sugar intake.

On top of that, we've got folks who are just picky about some foods--onions, soggy/soft bread, mushrooms, broccoli, cooked spinach. (Mushrooms is me, btw--flavor is fine, but I despise the texture.)

So building meals that everyone can eat is often fairly difficult. That sulfur allergy, in particular, can be surprisingly complicated to get around. Not only do we have to skip eggs and chicken, but there's several additives that are sulfates--those get the boot, too.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
Ouch, that sounds like a complicated dance to get through (I totally understand the texture thing). Sounds like you're better off doing something of a pot luck.
Philadelphus 12th Sep 2013, 10:09 AM edit delete reply
So I admit, I'm curious how someone can be allergic to sulfur when according to Wikipedia it's "an essential component of all living cells." Or is it specific sulfur compounds they're allergic to?
Knayt 12th Sep 2013, 11:32 AM On Sulfur edit delete reply
Sulfur as an essential ingredient in all living cells is completely different than the sulfur found in sulfates. Generally speaking, the sulfur in living cells is bonded to a carbon chain of some sort, and quite possibly also bonded to a hydrogen. It has a small partial negative charge, and not much else going on of interest. Sulfates, meanwhile are a polyatomic ion consisting of a sulfur and four oxygens, with two delocalized electrons stabilizing the bonds. The sulfur in sulfates has completely different hybridization, and polyatomic ions are very much their own things anyways. Sulfite is similar, consisting of a sulfur and three oxygens, with two localized electrons.

A sulfur allergy generally means being allergic to Sulfate, Sulfite, Persulfate, Hyposulfite, and acids derived from these. Even without a sulfur allergy, these things (particularly the derived acids) are pretty bad news in large quantities.
AxelDrake 12th Sep 2013, 9:29 AM edit delete reply
I once cooked my personal recipe for Chicken Alfredo for my GM and fellow players. I was banned from cooking it again for fear that we would never play because I was too busy making more.
WayraHyena 12th Sep 2013, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
Sugar cookie dough and food colouring. I'd make button-sized cookies and use them as game pieces. You kill it, you get to eat it.
That, and gummies.
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 3:28 PM edit delete reply
Qazarar 12th Sep 2013, 4:43 PM edit delete reply
In my group we eat mostly popcorn, and drink soda. I provide all of it. Sometimes we eat my leftovers.
Occasionally, another player brings popcorn or candy. One member brings pizza sometimes.
LegendofMoriad 12th Sep 2013, 7:23 PM Bakery and Baked Goods edit delete reply
In my last group, we had a member who worked at a supermarket bakery. On days he came directly to sessions from work, he often enough brought along a bag of baked goods that had been sitting on the shelf. They were wonderful.
Another member brought her family recipe tiramisu. It was awesome. Less so when we didn't have plates.
Midnight 13th Sep 2013, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
Food at our session is a random hodge podge every time. We have no reason or rhyme to the foods we have. Sometimes we order pizza, sometimes we cook a meal, sometimes it's a veritable shit ton of sweet or salty treats, sometimes it a pleasant veggie tray, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Evilbob 13th Sep 2013, 9:01 PM edit delete reply
WHAT'S THIS? Dinner AND game?

Soooo... You looking for more customers*ahemImean* players?

I'd like to SIGN UP! :D
Raxon 13th Sep 2013, 10:29 PM edit delete reply
I'll be straight with you. Full dinner isn't free. It's a dollar per person.

But seriously, all the chili you can eat, loaded baked potatoes, and possibly muffins the size of both fists. That's take home and have it again tomorrow big.
Blackwolf 9th Oct 2013, 12:13 PM edit delete reply
At the point where we got kicked out of the Gaming store and moved over to one of the player's houses to do our gaming, we would end up all having dinner (players chipped in to pay the GM and the Chef) and we'd often bring something to add to the main dish (I brought mead, and lo the bottle would not last five minutes). Good times.
Destrustor 12th Sep 2013, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
Derpy! Nooo!

...everyone else is fair game, though.
FanOfMostEverything 12th Sep 2013, 6:13 AM edit delete reply
Doesn't Derpy have a racial trait that turns natural 1s into catastrophic successes?

"The bad news is that you missed the dragon. The good news is that with your ludicrous strength, you hit the cave itself for enough damage to collapse it. The worse news is that you're still inside."
"So, rocks fall, everyone dies?"
"So it would seem."
Other Guest 12th Sep 2013, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
Do I still get experience points for killing the party and the dragon?
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 6:38 AM edit delete reply
Years ago I once gamed under a GM who awarded you a free level up if you died and took out a baddie with you. Sadly, this was game game where ressurrection wasn't an option, but my brother took this to the next level~

Blew himself up and 7 high level vampires in the middle of an executive board meeting. 7 level ups.
you know that guy 12th Sep 2013, 6:50 AM edit delete reply
Vampires need to learn how to sniff out explosives.
Zuche 12th Sep 2013, 6:52 AM edit delete reply
I have to admit, riding the bomb has a certain style.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 11:23 AM edit delete reply
It does, and despite only being able to do it once, it still nets him on the list of characters no one will forget. As I think about it, rarely did my brother ever have a character that wasnt remembered for something big.
reynard61 12th Sep 2013, 8:50 PM edit delete reply
Major Kong certainly wouldn't disagree...
Delta Pangaea 12th Sep 2013, 4:48 PM edit delete reply
I had pondered, recently, a feat that reverses your crit range. So if you'd crit on a 19-20, you'd instead crit on 1 or 2.

I suppose to make it work, you'd have to make those lowcrits automatically hit, since otherwise they're not going to. And maybe remove the 'always hits on a natural 20'
Zuche 12th Sep 2013, 6:47 AM edit delete reply
My niece would be gravely displeased with the DM that harmed her favourite pony. Funny thing about her, though. While everyone else sees a blonde with a bubble butt, I don't see bubbles.

Warning: The following message is brought to you by your local Head Canon Association.

I see hailstones, representing her special talent: destruction from the skies.

In another time, she would have been Equestria's greatest bombadier, and all would have known her by her proper name.

Digo 12th Sep 2013, 6:51 AM edit delete reply
Wow, that's a fancy headcanon. I may have to subscribe to your newsletter.
FanOfMostEverything 12th Sep 2013, 9:34 AM edit delete reply
Neat idea. I always thought they were bubbles of stable space-time in the roiling interdimensional chaos. Because planeswalkers.
Robin Bobcat 12th Sep 2013, 7:09 PM edit delete reply
My headcanon has Derpy being the Ponyville swimming instructor. A bit odd for a pegasus, but she enjoys her work.

Adorable mental image for the day: Derpy swimming about a pond like a duck.
NOTDilbert 12th Sep 2013, 10:39 PM edit delete reply
See Disney's original Fantasia for swimming pegasi....
Zuche 13th Sep 2013, 5:13 AM edit delete reply
Closer to the spirit of the show, and thus more likely. Besides, it's always good to see some characters step outside of expected roles.
frong 12th Sep 2013, 6:52 AM edit delete reply
If the players piss off the DM, he kills them. If the DM pisses off the players too much, though, they'll just say "screw it" and go find a new DM. Then the old DM will be alone and bored while the players have fun elsewhere. There's strength in numbers.
Thar 12th Sep 2013, 7:08 AM edit delete reply
Or the players could just take forever to do anything, arguing over the smallest details. The DM would be powerless to stop them!

Or I don't know enough about D&D to know better. one of the two. Point is, there must be a way!
Zuche 12th Sep 2013, 7:58 AM edit delete reply
There's strength in numbers.

The clever predator ensures that the prey can always take comfort in that knowledge.

Not that players are prey or a DM should strive to be a predator. Just... it sometimes pays to be aware of management styles.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 8:16 AM edit delete reply
All GMs are different and a wise player will quickly pickup on their styles and where they usually set up traps to hurt you:

When I'm the GM, don't split the party in a dungeon/building.
When PC #1 is the GM, don't have small talk with the enemy.
When PC #2 is the GM, never ignore the joke.
frong 16th Sep 2013, 5:18 AM edit delete reply
LOL I didn't mean in the game, I meant in real life. If the DM wants to have a game to DM, he needs players, and that means he can't afford to piss them off too much or they'll leave.
Zuche 12th Sep 2013, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
Darn me, I got distracted by the comments again -- but can you blame me?

Right. Before I digress once more, I am looking forward to where this story goes. A seven parter, Digo? Nicely ambitious. Somehow I don't think this is all going to end in pizza. Still, it's off to a good start and I look forward to seeing where you do go with this.

I like the way you've altered clips to produce your own panels. I'd rather not see it done in the main comic, where the challenge is to see how familiar scenes can be reinterpreted to produce a new plot, but it helps this guest piece stand out from the main series.

The characters look promising too. The reinterpretation of Trixie and Cheerliee is most noteworthy today, and I will not be in the least disappointed if the two continue to steal the show here. That's not to slight their partners in crime dungeon security troubleshooting, but they're a bit too busy reacting to their situation to comment on it the way the the others do.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 8:21 AM edit delete reply
Thanks for the comments. Indeed, this one was ambitious of me, but the idea struck me when I was looking at an old blog I had made years ago of a D&D game where the GM got particularly vindictive with us because we didn't take his plot device seriously.

I think you'll enjoy it. :)
Blues 12th Sep 2013, 10:01 AM edit delete reply
When I was a player, I would usually bring something like soda to every game. One time I brought jelly beans, and the DM took some as "DM tax." He then used them to represent enemies, since he didn't have many miniatures.

When I GMed, I would usually eat dinner right before the game, as would the players. For a while my players would bring a bag of chips and trade off whose turn it was to bring it every week. but when the really scatterbrained player didn't bring it on his turn, nobody ever brought them again.
zenaku 12th Sep 2013, 10:58 AM edit delete reply
In my group, it was usually bring your own. The DM made it perfetly clear that he could not be bribed.Then, when I started running a game, I made it perfectly clear that I COULD be bribed:)

*chuckle* Considering I was the only one without a source of income, they were usually nice enough to let me have some of their food.
TheFreshDM 12th Sep 2013, 11:34 AM edit delete reply
Food wise for games we now we usually have have a pizza and/or whatever happens to be in the fridge at the time. Whoever has money at the time helps pay a bit for the pizza. Though since I host I mainly take care of most of that. However at the gaming store I used to play D&D at they had a cook there that would cook stuff like cheese fries, chicken nuggets, and other things it was pretty cool I must admit. Though I think the main reason I stopped playing there was it was 4th E and I preferred 3rd-3.5 I guess (That's a whole different story I guess which I wont start on)
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 2:42 PM edit delete reply
That sounds awesome. I should see about getting a recipe for pizzaburgers.
Digo 12th Sep 2013, 5:38 PM edit delete reply
I have a recipe for pizza green peppers. Looks delicious, going to try it tomorrow.
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 5:55 PM edit delete reply
As in pizza ingredients stuffed into a green pepper? That sounds amazing. Gotta try that!
Ref 12th Sep 2013, 11:35 AM edit delete reply
Daring Do, Redheart, Cherilee, Trixie, and Derpy. Interesting roster.
Guest 12th Sep 2013, 1:44 PM edit delete reply
Their sixth man, as seen in the original 2-part guest comic, Elements of Smarmony, is Zecora. Assuming She's still alive at this stage in the campaign...
Castille 12th Sep 2013, 2:15 PM edit delete reply
In our games there is always one bowl of 'dare food', usually from Aldi or other suspicious sources. The fatal phrase has become "how bad could it be?" Bad, very bad.
THe worst thing ever brought was a garlic & chilli boerworst. That player cleared the room when he belched. We still give him grief 10 years later.
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 2:40 PM edit delete reply
Aldi stocks a lot of awesome food, but don't eat the prepackaged pumpernickel bread. I have had such wonderful delights as herrings in mushroom sauce, delicious red pepper hummus,and these gigantic reverse oreos. I swear, they were vanilla cookies with chocolate filling, and about three inches across.

Curb 12th Sep 2013, 6:43 PM edit delete reply
Must see if I can find some of those cookies.

Food wise, the D&D group I used to game with had a 'food fund'. everyone would donate as little as a dollar up to a fiver toward future stocks of soda, chips and other tasties. We would also take a food break half way through the session and hit one of the near by fast food places. It was always random, but I loved it when we hit the Chik-fil-a. A number one value sized, an 8 count of nuggets and I was good for the rest of the night.

Haven't had many sessions at home yet, hope to pre-plan either a food run or just hit the whataburger on the corner.
Raxon 12th Sep 2013, 7:06 PM edit delete reply
If you cook, go for something that doesn't require maintenance every two minutes. Making steaks for everyone is a bad idea. It requires constant care, and that will disrupt game flow.

Making a pot of chili and cornbread, on the other hand, is a great idea, because you set the pot to cook for a few hours to soften the beans, and you can toss the meat and seasonings in an hour before they get there. I've never had anyone turn down my cooking, except when they had already eaten. The funny thing is that I will openly tell people they're my guinea pigs, and that I'm testing new recipes constantly. Never had any complaints.

FYI, I hope you like your chili hot.

I can make mild chili and offer several levels of hot sauce if you are a bit sensitive, though. I am an excellent host. I even have a secret source for those generic oreos with the pop rocks in them!

They are even better than they sound.

EDIT: Nonononono why are they gone why did they stop making them they were so awesome they need to come back right now!

Man! I need those things! DAMN IT! Looks like I'm learning to make homemade oreos!
Robin Bobcat 12th Sep 2013, 7:12 PM edit delete reply
Oh, and if you're in a cruel, petty, vindictive mood...

... bring sugar-free gummy bears to game.

See, the sugar substitute they use for gummy bears is not meant to be eaten in large quantity, and will lead to horrible, HORRIBLE results...
ShadowDragon8685 12th Sep 2013, 9:22 PM edit delete reply
That look on Trixie's face in the last panel is priceless. Like...

"Dude, I tried to usurp the throne, and /I/ think you're power-tripping."
NOTDilbert 12th Sep 2013, 10:48 PM edit delete reply
Just noticed - Trixie's got the Alicorn Amulet back. So is the DM not allowing her to use it?
Pathfinder 13th Sep 2013, 2:54 AM edit delete reply
We sometimes cook and sometimes order food, but we always incorporate it as part of the game and treat it as world building. Currently, because of that elves cuisine is Chinese, dwarves enjoy pizza and in the pantry of evil necromancer sorceresses you can find some tasty pasta and tiramisu.
Raxon 13th Sep 2013, 1:36 PM edit delete reply
Don't forget that giant squid are edible!
Pathfinder 14th Sep 2013, 5:25 AM edit delete reply
"Now that we finally located this ancient Crystal Tomb of Doom we can put an end to reign of Ithilids in this lands. Those sinisterly delicious and nutritious Ithilids..."
MarianLH 13th Sep 2013, 4:09 AM edit delete reply
Was that a reference to Grimtooth's Traps? Wow, that brings me back.

Back when I was GMing I used to bake before a game. I make awesome brownies.
Robin Bobcat 13th Sep 2013, 5:18 PM edit delete reply
When you say 'bake' and 'brownies'...
Kynrasian 13th Sep 2013, 2:42 PM edit delete reply
We usually get something for dinner right before beginning and then eat whatever's to hand from there on out.

We've yet to have a D&D night and drinks night on the same day, but I imagine it ending rather hilariously.
SgtFrog 13th Sep 2013, 7:30 PM edit delete reply
Yeesh, *somebody's* on a power trip. Just because you're the DM doesn't mean you should take out your anger on your players.
Featherstone 13th Sep 2013, 11:24 PM edit delete reply
Heh... This just reminded me, a friend of mine is playing my little pony fallout. Horribly mutated ponies and once per day they can take an attack for comedic damage - "Hah hah, so glad that didn't actually hurt!"
Xelmon 14th Sep 2013, 12:43 AM edit delete reply
OOoo, this looks good! Also, my first comment. :D

Ah yes... The fury of the GM.
One time our GM was rather miffed at us for not doing what he intended, and he literally lightning struck us to ashes.
He described it in detail, with things such as "not even your boot survived".
Letrune 15th Sep 2013, 9:12 AM edit delete reply
Triple meat pizza? I am hungry now! :9 :3
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