Page 350 - E5: Exhausted Endings

15th Oct 2013, 6:00 AM in Intermission 3
<<First Latest>>
E5: Exhausted Endings
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Newbiespud 15th Oct 2013, 6:00 AM edit delete
Author: Nolan Benson (l3f4y)

Guest Author's Note: "So it ends. I don't think I've ever played with anyone who fell asleep at the table, but we've certainly come close. After all, how are you supposed to stay awake during all those dice rolls and quest explanations and, worst of all, all that plot exposition?"

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: February 20th.



Raxon 15th Oct 2013, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like- I wanna be a witch!
_R_ 16th Oct 2013, 5:49 AM edit delete reply
Welcome to Higwarts, Sir Rax-oheck! You're in Hufflepuff! Never thought.
MumaKirby 16th Oct 2013, 3:24 PM edit delete reply
You hear a toilet flush from above, and look up to see a broken pipe.

Roll to avoid complete downpour of toilet water.
_R_ 17th Oct 2013, 2:45 AM edit delete reply
*roll* 17. I avoid, but get a weeee bit wet. Anyway, I inform Headmaster Dumbledore about the leaking pipe.
Dugong 15th Oct 2013, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
That's happened to me once, the DM after a few hours into the session pointed at me, said I'm now the DM and fell asleep.

Story Time! What's the most unusual thing a player (or DM) has done during a session?
Digo 15th Oct 2013, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
One time in a former group we were playing Paranoia and the GM was sleep-deprived due to a long work shift. He drank a lot of caffene to keep awake, but this meant frequent bathroom breaks. Well, half of us don't like Paranoia, so we decided to have our own fun.

Every time the GM went to the bathroom, we switched positions at the table, AND switched characters. The poor GM could not keep up with what the heck was going on when we were all acting like each other (and it took him two bathroom trips to even notice we had switched seats).

By the end of the night his mind was pretty much blown like an egg in a microwave. :D
NXTangl 6th May 2018, 10:49 PM If it was Paranoia edit delete reply
He should have played it off as Friend Computer glitching again and had them all executed.
FredSaiyan 15th Oct 2013, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
So we were playing a campaign set in 1850's Europe. All the countries had been renamed, so I'm just going to use their real world names for ease of typing.

I was GM, and there were three players: a Xeph Soulknife, a Vanara Monk, and a human (vampirized) Rogue. They were on a quest for a Prussian dwarf to deliver a note to Emperor Napoleon III of France. On the journey there, the Soulknife couldn't make the game, so he was mysteriously kidnapped, and the Monk and Rogue were left.

As they traveled, they came under attack by giant worms as they moved through a cave. The Rogue was having a nice time stabbing them, until all of a sudden, the Monk decided to collapse the ceiling.

The Rogue managed to escape with a broken leg, but the collapse attracted dozens of other worms, who began to chase the Monk. They managed to surround and down him, and would surely have eaten him if passing NPCs hadn't stepped in. As it was, he lost a leg.

They arrived in Paris (with the Rogue carrying the Monk), and the Monk went to a hospital to see about getting his leg fixed.

The Rogue went to see Napoleon III, and delivered the note. Napoleon read the note, then looked at him and said, "Have you ever met an elemental before?"

The Rogue admitted that, yes, he had met elementals before. He had saved some from a doppleganger a few weeks before. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Napoleon said. He then asked the Rogue to deliver a note to Britain for him, and said he'd make sure the Monk's leg was healed in exchange. The Rogue agreed, and set off.

The Monk woke up to see Napoleon looking at him, and then passed out again. He swore he heard a chuckle as he did so.

Meanwhile, the Rogue was headed North. With some not-so-subtle DM prodding, he opened the note and cracked the code.

"Kill the bearers, they threaten the plan," it hamleted.

The Rogue looked at it for a moment, then rolled a History check to see if he could figure this out. Natural 20.

He slowly realized that several European governments had been infiltrated by Dopplegangers, and that Napoleon III must be one, as must someone in Britain. Then it hit him that Napoleon knew where the Monk was.

He raced back to Paris.

Arriving just as the sun was about to come out, he discharged the Monk from the hospital, and have him a basic rundown of the situation. Monk, because of the joys of cell phones (>_<_, only halfway listened.

Rogue, being a vampire, had to check into a hotel before the sun came up, so he found one, and made the Monk promise not to do anything stupid while he slept. The Monk agreed and settled down to meditate.

Then he heard the paperboy. So he wandered outside, and the boy sold him a paper with an article about Napoleon's greatness. The Monk reasoned that the Rogue must have been mistaken, so he went to go see Napoleon.

Let me repeat that.

He entered the chief bad's lair.

"So. I heard you were evil. Is that true?"

Napoleon's reply? He called his guards. The Monk looked at them, and tried to run up the wall. He got to the ceiling and tried to punch through. Failed. Fell to the ground. Took 6d6 fall damage (6, because he had boots of catfall). Then the guards filled him with arrows.

The entire time, the Rogue was screaming in annoyance, asking him just what the hell he thought he was doing.

I was hoping this would teach the Monk a lesson, but in all honesty, I think it instilled a desire in him to find other, dumber ways to die.
Digo 15th Oct 2013, 10:30 AM edit delete reply
I like the campaign idea. If I ever find myself running a d20 Modern adventure, I'd like to steal some of that.
Blues 15th Oct 2013, 1:23 PM edit delete reply
I like how you use Hamlet-ed as a verb.
betterwatchit 15th Oct 2013, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
Two weeks back, during our Warhammer Fantasy campaign, we were rowing a boat down a corridor, when we encountered a room with two metal platforms just above the water level.

When the wake of the boat touched a platform, several crossbow bolts were fired at it. I decided to take a page from Army of Two and got my partner to help perform a Double Snipe (Where two snipers hit two relatively close targets, like a pair of guards) and shoot both plates at once.

My plan worked by jamming the mechanism of both plates, disarming the trap.
Jannard 15th Oct 2013, 11:32 AM edit delete reply
Oh, doing something extremely odd, and borne of not paying any sort of attention at all? I've got a story about that.

You see, there was (actually, there is, since we're still playing it) this campaign in which there was only one major religion (worship to "the Goddess" and her Avatars), and I had decided to run as a cleric of said religion, a sort of inquisitor on a mission to uncover a blackguard conspiracy of sorts. It goes to mention, the blackguards were Our Most Unholiest of Enemies. Since the rest of the party had already fought blackguards and built an animosity towards them, it was easy to fit in.

Cue the entrance of anther player. That night we were down our mage, who was regrettably sick. But there was this guy, a friend of us, who came to visit our DM from time to time, and who had tried to aparticipate in a couple sessions but got bored rather quick. Since he was already there, he asked if he could play, to which we replied "why not?". We knew he would leave eventually, but he had a knack for playing barbarians, and we still felt we could use a fourth player for the night, even if it wasn't a caster.

So, we filled him in to the details of the campaings, the things our characters knew, and the things we knew as players, where we were (a small tavern in an unnamed town), what our intentions were (chasing down and interrogating another group of adventurers doing mercenary jobs for the blackguards) Up until that point, it appeared it would be a good night of hacking and slashing... But then, out of nowhere, our newest recruit said "wait, I want to play a bad guy".
"A bad guy? You mean, like an evil character?" was our naive response.
"No, a real bad guy, like, I want to fight you guys".
"So, you're gonna play the punk who comes looking for trouble? have some fun with an ad-hoc fight somewhere down the road? That would be weird, but I guess it can be arranged" was our DM's veredict.
"Nah, I want the real deal. One of those black guys."
Despite our incredulous responses and my particular refusal to the whole concept, we all ended up going with it, for the sake of not antagonizing with a friend, ironically enough.

He ended up entering the tavern, threatening our characters and getting himself cornered in a privy, because he had the brilliant idea of trying to BREAK THROUGH THE PRIVY'S WALL by just ramming it with his shoulder while we broke into the privy ourselves. Our rogue decided to try and enter through a window, losing valuable time and leaving us to face an overpowered barbarian all by ourselves. We won, however, because he made plenty of stupid mistakes in the battle, even though he could've taken me down easily (my companions were so eager to flank him they gave him free reign to charge my squishy ass). It was a very weird situation, leaving no satisfaction for anyone involved, and we decided ro retcon it as soon as our wizard came back for the next session.
Siccarus 15th Oct 2013, 1:00 PM edit delete reply
A while back at my Schools Dnd choice block one of the DM had to go to a meeting so while the other players in his group played Magic, he lent us their cleric. So out of nowhere our Lvl 1 party now has a level 5+ Cleric joining us in attacking a ship yard.
MumaKirby 16th Oct 2013, 3:23 PM edit delete reply
I'm afraid I'm pretty boring when it comes to these stories. Aside from my Rogue attacking another player character after he "saved" her from a puzzle.

A puzzle she was less than a round away from completing. A puzzle involving undead rats. That she had to touch. And he proceeded to make a sexist remark and an attempt to give her a butt pat on her way out.

He was lucky I held her back and just said she used the hilt to deal 1d4.

She wanted to use her daily.
mycroftxxx 18th Oct 2013, 7:57 AM edit delete reply
The most-unusual sleep-related event in a game had to be the time the GM fell asleep for two hours during the in-game planning session. We had just had an initial crossover with the sister campaign to our modern-day X-files++ campaign. This had involved transporting the party to an adjacent High Fantasy alternate universe that the other PC's had been interacting with and ended with my character gaining a time machine.

This session had been devoted to a long in-game discussion between characters of what we knew at this point, what we suspected, and what we thought we could get away with telling our bosses. While this is going on, our GM is in the throes of the flu and apparently passed out behind her GM screen. For two hours. Without a single other player noticing.

We actually just had to end that session without coming to any firm plans and were going to pick up the discussion where we left off the next week. This didn't really please the GM cause she was _bored_ at this point.

Did I mention that this was intended to be her "try out every cool RPG trick she ever heard of" game? We had already had all sorts of props and actual puzzles to figure out. I was pretty sure that she had used the free personals in the local weekly paper to post in-game information. It had been fun.

As punishment for our sins, the next week she sprung a LARP on us without warning. I hear a knock at the door, get up to answer it, and there's a man I've never met on the other side, yelling at me in an irish accent and miming holding a gun.

Best. Campaign. Ever.
Digo 15th Oct 2013, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
I was in a group that had not one, but two Swear-to-Celestia Nacoleptic players. As much as we try to be patient, we just never know when one or both of them will just suddenly pass out in the middle of combat or something.

The GM was usually good to just assume they do X or Y attacks and we roll with it, but then when they wake up we have to explain what they missed. Because it's usually some important plot point.

I remember mediating an argument because they both fell asleep and when they woke up they each had a different interpretation of what they missed... and we didn't tell them anything yet. O_o`
FanOfMostEverything 15th Oct 2013, 6:21 AM edit delete reply
Obviously, the narcoleptics' subconscious minds were trying to GM the campaign through dreams. Unfortunately, they weren't coordinating with each other.
Digo 15th Oct 2013, 7:05 AM edit delete reply
Your statement is particularly amusing because these two players did rather prefer to play psionic type characters...
Zuche 15th Oct 2013, 8:07 AM edit delete reply
"Follow the yellow brick road, homie RD!"

Yeah, I could see how this might be a brain-breaker for a player like Rod. I'm kind of the same way about Paranoia: any game that would result in a player body count is not for me.

Especially if that count is one me.

Thanks for the series, l3f4y, and an entertaining shaggy dog story. I think the pacing could use some work, but I liked your panel selection. Here's to future projects.
Digo 15th Oct 2013, 10:32 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, I've gotten a purple heart once from a game of Paranoia (not intentionally, but blood was drawn).
you know that guy 15th Oct 2013, 5:28 PM edit delete reply
I want to play Paranoia but in a different style from how my gaming group sees it.
The 4th edition (XP) lists three styles: Zap, Classic, and Straight. My favorite would be Straight, where the PC body count is relatively low, where you have to talk past three live phone operators to speak with the AI, and where the silliness is toned down in favor of ironic bleak dystopian humor.
I read a module where the PCs are unwittingly put in charge of a new process for making food. Is based on a certain piece of Chinese history. To summarize, if you use a Ponzi scheme to run the government, many people die.
Masterofgames 15th Oct 2013, 11:38 PM edit delete reply
I'm sorry. But the rules of Paranoia are above your security clearance. Please report for immediate euthanization. Your next close is charged with treason, and should do the same, as should the next, having been charged with being a communist. The clone after that is merely charged with conspiracy, and thus is entitled to a last meal before execution.

Also, to reassure citizens that this was an isolated incident, the beatings are scheduled to continue until morale improves.
Guest 15th Oct 2013, 11:41 PM edit delete reply
Digo 16th Oct 2013, 4:49 AM edit delete reply
'Straight' style actually sounds tempting. If it gives way to an actual involved plotline the PCs can navigate, it could be pretty interesting to explore. How bad is the 'Zap' style?
Arbane 16th Oct 2013, 11:39 AM edit delete reply
IIRC, Zap is pretty much Classic with the absurdity dialed up EVEN FURTHER.
you know that guy 16th Oct 2013, 9:27 PM edit delete reply
Zap is where all the communists have Russian accents and carry ticking bombs, where the pace of combat is fast and furious, and every successful Troubleshooter uses cheap tricks and cheesy one-liners. Physics is Looney Tunes style.
Surviving the briefing outfitting service and dispatch on your first clone is considered an achievement. Full missions, if they were designed as such, would be tuned for 500% mortality rate.
Commander Shephard 15th Oct 2013, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
Rarity, report to my ship as soon as possible. We'll bang, OK?
Zuche 15th Oct 2013, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
Great. I read that and see Cloudchaser, but hear Captain Kirk.
Space... 15th Oct 2013, 11:11 AM edit delete reply
Captain Kirk? More like Zapp Brannigan. Kirk never had to be that crass. Banging was just an implied state. Kind of like beaming up or breathing.
TomN7 15th Oct 2013, 11:36 AM edit delete reply
Crass? He wasn't crass you just don't understand him. He was trying to unite the galaxy... By getting in the pants of each person he met.
Digo 15th Oct 2013, 1:37 PM edit delete reply
But Rarity doesn't wear any pants. D:
Zuche 15th Oct 2013, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
I know Kirk wasn't that crass. It's just the voice I'm hearing.
Cloud Kicker 15th Oct 2013, 12:04 PM edit delete reply
Cloud Kicker*
Zuche 15th Oct 2013, 1:11 PM edit delete reply
Right, right. Thanks.
GodBlessAmerica 17th Oct 2013, 10:08 PM edit delete reply
Shut up Zuche. Don't cause any trouble again.
Newbiespud 15th Oct 2013, 4:14 PM edit delete reply
Looks like I was a little unsure of when the sabbatical would be coming to an end and normal comics would resume when A Dog and Pony Show ended.

Well, let me just set the record straight. The first page of the new arc of Friendship is Dragons lands on October 31st.
Zuche 16th Oct 2013, 4:22 AM edit delete reply
Hallowe'en? A bold choice. Looking forward to it.
Digo 16th Oct 2013, 4:50 AM edit delete reply
Haha, nice pun with 'Bold choice'.
NeutralDemon 18th Oct 2013, 7:10 PM edit delete reply
So it's coming out on Halloween ... yay birthday comic!
Brickman 15th Oct 2013, 6:10 PM edit delete reply
Aww, I feel cheated. I was looking forward to seeing what pet she would chose, or at least her giving up on it.
Tatsurou 15th Oct 2013, 6:50 PM edit delete reply
No, you see, Fluttershy offered Rainbow the tortoise and she accepted in her sleep, saying, "Yeah, I'm the tank...zzzz...snrrrrkkk..."
As a result, she has a pet tortoise named Tank. Then she was sleep talking. "Zzz...snnnrrkkk...yeah, flying tanks with beanies..."
As a result, Tank has a magic propeller beanie that lets him fly.
Destrustor 15th Oct 2013, 6:58 PM edit delete reply
Oh yeah, sleep.
A five-hours-of-sleep-per-night average, a comfortable seat...
I apparently doze off quite often, despite being borderline insomniac and usually needing a full hour of lying in bed before falling asleep.
It's never true sleep, but I do miss out on certain details and events sometimes.
"Wait, since when are we fighting a dragon? We were just talking with the king a minute ago! Where are we?"
Azureink 15th Oct 2013, 7:24 PM edit delete reply
"I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite pony dream on the Citadel."
Walabio 15th Oct 2013, 8:36 PM In my current campaign, players sometimes all asleep because it a a PonyFinderCaimpaign inspired be this comic wth players all about the world, over the Internet. edit delete reply
In my current campaign, players sometimes all asleep because it a a PonyFinderCampaign inspired be this comic wth players all about the world, playing over the Internet. During the last session, I dosed off, but woke up in time to kill a zombie after trying to seduce her.
TwilightAmory 15th Oct 2013, 9:53 PM edit delete reply
I've both seen someone fall asleep at the table, and been the guy that fell asleep at the table.

When the other guy fell asleep, it was during a Game of Thrones campaign. He just so happened to sleep through his character's marriage to another PC. He has various sleeping issues, so he had a valid reason for falling asleep, but it was still funny.

When I fell asleep, it was a 3.5 campaign that had been running for about a year, and our DM wanted to do an all-day campaign so we could get a lot done. I didn't sleep much the night before, and when we were planning for a huge battle, I ended up falling asleep on the DM's couch. Not my finest moment, but hey, I was tired and I didn't miss much.
crazyredemu 16th Oct 2013, 12:39 AM edit delete reply
I fell asleep once, the game was going late and we had two new people who were really annoying so I stopped caring. (My person fell asleep half way up the stairs in the middle of combat)
Ribbon 16th Oct 2013, 7:43 AM edit delete reply
Try gaming with a narcoleptic player. You never know when you can actually count on the mage* to participate in battle! (*Though since we were playing Mage: The Ascension, that does not technically specify much...)
Wynni 16th Oct 2013, 9:12 AM Forum Momma edit delete reply
We'd always play late. Some of our gamers would have just gotten off work, and could be counted upon to start napping, sprawled out on the floor. When we'd get to combat, we'd simply nudge him and say "D! Time to role the dice!" Always worked, too.
Bombom 16th Oct 2013, 2:57 PM edit delete reply
I have a couple players who will wander off and watch television whenever it isn't their turn. It really bugs the DM. IT would probably be ok, but when they start watching the TV, they won't stop until we ask them to come back three some-odd times. The worst part is, they are always complaining that we don't play enough D&D. ( I should mention that we play using skype and minecraft, so the TV isn't QUITE as bad... but it is still irritating.)
Zeeth 16th Oct 2013, 8:26 PM edit delete reply
Skype and Minecraft as a medium for playing D&D?
... okay.
Basil 16th Oct 2013, 3:10 PM edit delete reply
My friend has a fantastic story where he fell asleep while DMing. When he woke up, all the lights were off and everyone had left.
Dragonflight 16th Oct 2013, 3:33 PM edit delete reply
We had a guy in an old AD&D game who was playing an old wizard. His schtick was that he was actually a polymorphed silver dragon who'd gotten nailed with a spell that robbed his memory some time ago. He lived as a recluse, and "discovered" a talent for magic that encouraged a local wizard to train him.

Tharmixian was played by a character who had a thyroid condition. This causes him to fall asleep periodically if he's not active, if he's off his meds, or if the dosage needs to be adjusted. So we just good-naturedly worked around him nodding off during a game session.

Well, a time came when he wound up custodian of an ancient draconic artifact that granted clerical powers to dragons, which worked for Tharmixian. This was a shout-out to his actual nature, of course. But Tharmixian simple thought it meant he had poly-dragon blood in his ancestry somewhere.

Every now and then, the party would get into combats, which he'd sometimes snooze through. So a common tagline (which is brought up to this day, may games later,) is "Wake up Tharmixian, the party needs healing!"
Indigo Steel 16th Oct 2013, 9:11 PM edit delete reply
Indigo Steel
NOBODY sees the great OZ! Not nobody, not no how! Unless you're the pizza guy...
Guest 18th Oct 2013, 7:12 PM edit delete reply
Late_To_The_Party 26th Oct 2013, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
I've fallen asleep at the gaming table on multiple occasions. Of course, working third shift and playing in the middle of the day gave me a little bit of an excuse.