Page 423 - Smarmony Tries, Part 3

3rd Apr 2014, 6:00 AM in Intermission 4
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Smarmony Tries, Part 3
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 3rd Apr 2014, 6:00 AM edit delete
Author: Digo

Guest Author's Note: "There's always 'That One Player' who kills a tense moment with a cliché quote. Except in my group, where it's EVERY player and they like to break out into song together. It's like having a party of Bards."

Newbiespud's Note: A new episode of Fallout is Dragons is up!

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Raxon 3rd Apr 2014, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Story time is about killed moments! Let's hear your best!
Digo 3rd Apr 2014, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
My viera wizard's pony familiar got ponynapped by livestock rustlers who were going to sell her abroad. The party pitched in to help find her before the bandits got away. Turns out they had a sizable ring of thievery and plagued two towns with their robberies.

We took down the bandits, rescued my familiar, and even saved a large stock of horses and sheep from one of the town. My character hugged his familiar, having missed her for two days. It was a touching moment.

Which was brutally murdered when part of the group broke out into song singing "When a mannn loves a ponyyyyy..."

Arg. This is why we can't have nice cut scenes.
Marioaddict 3rd Apr 2014, 6:51 AM edit delete reply
I think I'd go with the Day of Infinite 20s.

Pretty sure I've told that one before, but I always seem to get the details out of order. Here's the short version:

I'm DM. Party makes it to the top of a tower. They encounter two crazies who think they are gods. They fight the two crazies in an epic battle on a platform falling through the air, into the ocean.

...At least, it SHOULD have been epic. Thanks to one player rolling pretty much ONLY 20s, the fight was over in 3 rounds.

The crazies didn't even land 1 attack.
Digo 3rd Apr 2014, 7:24 AM edit delete reply
I hate when dice just do the darnest things and mess up an encounter like that. :) Even if it goes the other way, like a boss fight that wasn't ment to be too challenging ends in near TPK because most of the players couldn't roll over a 5 on thir dice.
MumaKirby 3rd Apr 2014, 5:58 PM edit delete reply
It's cool being the party on that side of it, not so much the DM. Probably told this one before.

I got to be that player one time... although not all natural 20s. The other players had focused pretty much entirely on the boss and ignored the minions, bringing him down to bloodied. Which triggered big giant dwarf transformation.

My move, launch warlock attacks, 20! Woo. Use point to go again, crack a daily to blow him up before he got to do anything but move.
Dragonflight 4th Apr 2014, 11:50 AM edit delete reply
I think my favorite example of that was a Spelljammer game I was running which included elements of the Time of Troubles from Forgotten Realms. Cyric, the whiny self-absorbed bed-wetter who clearly wasn't dropped on his head enough as a child, has become the God of Evil and Murder, and has learned about Spelljamming. Not content with being more whiny than Anakin Skywalker, he sets out to conquer the known universe.

Enter the PC's, and an epic campaign which lasts for about four years.

Finally, the PC's have a artifact they made by sacrificing several other major artifacts. It's a Godslayer, but it has a critical flaw. It takes two critical hits (natural 20's only.) The first to temporarily reduce his power level to mere Hercules-level mortal potential, and a second to actually finish him off. The lead character in the party is a warrior of the revitalized Sunite religion, which the players decided needed some help. Along the way, they created a warrior caste in the Sunite faith who focus on inner beauty instead of outer, and champion good vs evil. The "Sunite Avengers" were based on the Oriental Adventures Kensai combat style, foregoing magical weapons and armor in favor of natural abilities which scale up similar abilities as they level. Perfect for an order of scantily-dressed hedonist warrior priestesses...


The lead PC, who is also the head of the new Sunite Avenger warrior order, takes the weapon into the final fight of the game against Whaaanakin (sorry, Cyric...) and sets up to fight a battle royale of epic scale. I roll initiative, and the PC wins.

First attack: Natural 20.
Second attack: Natural 20.

Shortest fight against a god-monster in history...
Night Sage 3rd Apr 2014, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Night Sage
I do not have a story at this time about killed moments. I'm sure in the future I will though.
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 7:44 AM edit delete reply
Ha, breaking touching moments. I do that ALL THE TIME! I can name 3 times that i've broken by being myself, and near infinite being my character. But i'll share one to keep from word walls.

We were after a member of our own party. (just couldn't resist being Chaotic Moron) We finally caught up with the traitor... 5 sessions later. (DM talked with him over the days between sessions to negotiate what they leave behind to distact us while getting to the border.)

They forgot that we are not the police, and got taken down right there over the border. When we were interigating them for info on there idiocy, he confessed to everythiing and asked for some form of forgivness. which as a majority of 5-1, was ok.

I changed my vote to unanimuse if they did one thing, and that was crash a celestail wedding, perform one man band, and steal the presents/cake/whatever they wanted, right there in front of the entire court+other royals.

I broke the awesomness when he made it back unscathed, and I back handed him for being an idiot. (I was chaotic broken)
NellzDaBlackKing 3rd Apr 2014, 7:38 AM edit delete reply
We are currently at war against Night Elves and demons. My group decided to gather the other races of people of the continent we are on and form an alliance to combat the evil force. However, my character is a Night Elf as well and a dread necromancer and he's an alcoholic, so when my group try to convince me to stay away from the meeting so they can have an easier time convincing everyone to join then, I rolled a poor listen check since I was obviously drinking at the local tavern. So failing to hear a single word they told me, I showed up at the meeting with an undead human skeleton to accompany there so I don't pass out on the way there, and shit hit the fan at that meeting, so the DM gave them a harder time convincing everyone.
ToTZ 3rd Apr 2014, 8:24 AM Rogue, destroyer of moments edit delete reply
I was usually the one to kill moments in my first group. For example, my group once came to a closed door. Through it, we could hear metal scraping on the stone floors, and the babbling of the insane. My group wanted to have a plan, go in cautiously. My character, however, was extremely impatient. He just opened the door and called out to the first creature he saw "Hey ma, what's for dinner?" The funny part was that this Yuan-Ti I had called out to was so mind-fucked that he actually believed he was my mother, so the entire situation diffused itself. All thanks to a mood-breaking oneliner.
ShinkuRyuuga 3rd Apr 2014, 10:18 AM edit delete reply
Dude, my entire party was ABOUT breaking up those moments. The only time they weren't was when cutscenes involved only the two or three people having the moment with no one else around. And even then, because so many conversations go on at once because Internet Pathfinder, moments don't last long.

Except this one girl who was in my first campaign, she wanted to have one of those long cutscenes and we were making all sorts of snarky comments because that is our thing. She got angry and took control of the scene when the DM stepped out for like, ten minutes, once. He was not happy on seeing that stack of messages on returning, because it was all from her and her Evil Uncle NPC.
Tatsurou 3rd Apr 2014, 11:05 AM edit delete reply
Actually, as DM, I generally kill my own moments.

I remember one campaign where my Big Bad had managed to get the drop on the heroes when they were invading his lair by attacking them before they reached the center room. It was meant to be a quick fight where they then pushed him back and he withdrew, but apparently the heroes dice were cursed while mine were blessed. A long series of DM 20s and party 1s nearly made a TPK, which I definitely didn't want. So I had to explain it away while keeping it in my Big Bad started monologuing. The party kept rolling...and botching. It looked like it would be a TPK, so I finished his monologue with, "And there's nothing you can do to stop me!" I rolled for a Dues ex Machina.

A nearby door opened. "Daddy, why's it so noisy? I'm trying to sleep."

An adorable four year old girl in a billowing Victorian night dress stepped around a door, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

BB: Sorry, Pumpkin. Daddy has some business with some guests. I'll come and tuck you in again once they leave.

The little girl nodded, but then her eyes fell on the party druid, who had shapeshifted into a tiger. "KITTY!" she cried happily, running up and scooping the druid/tiger into her arms, lifting him off the floor in the process.

At that point, any thoughts of taking the girl hostage to force the Big Bad to surrender left their minds, since I actually rolled a strength check.

BB: Sweetie...
Little Girl: Can I keep him?
BB: ...I suppose.

THe party was now locked up instead of dead, with the Druid wearing a collar that locked him in animal form. The party now had to escape. The druid's collar read, "Flufferkins Magelicko Cumberbund the third."
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 11:15 AM edit delete reply
The THIRD?! They had better escape fast.
Codeman 3rd Apr 2014, 11:49 AM edit delete reply
I've never even had a moment to kill for my players. Mostly because I knew that all of the players I had would either not care, kill it with a joke, or just kill it by killing something.
HappyMuffin 3rd Apr 2014, 1:35 PM edit delete reply
Killed moments, huh? It was before I started playing with them, but I think my group actualy managed to kill all the moments. Something about a crit-fail with a staff-sling in a room with the window of time, or something.

Pretty sure thats the only time we literaly killed moments. Also, we are no longer alowed to use staff-slings in that group.
Gden 3rd Apr 2014, 2:56 PM Can't think of too many off the top of my head. edit delete reply
I've had a lot of ruined moments, but I'll name two. The first one I can think of was a mutants and masterminds game I was in. I was in a group, and we split up with myself and the Sorcerer of Style (yes that was his name, his personality was designed after Ayame from Fruits Basket, I was a morpher who could copy powers) taking the front, and the rest taking the back. When the bad guy caught my group, and asked what we were here for, the sorcerer responded with "WE are the distraction!"

The other was a time where we were in a star wars campaign, and I was a new character added into the story. I was being brought to the rest of the group by a guy based off sarge from Red vs blue, and as he was telling the crew about the new recruit, my character shoved him out of the way and started yelling, "Oh is that my new friends, HELLO, NEW FRIENDS, HELLO!"
dracostarcloud 3rd Apr 2014, 5:31 PM edit delete reply
I kill moments all the time, just not in-game. Always in normal conversation. =p
MumaKirby 3rd Apr 2014, 5:54 PM edit delete reply
In the game I ran for my brother and his friends, they had to stop the fight with the Bhaalspawn for about twenty minutes because I said something vaguely naruto-ie and the next twenty minutes devolved into the four of them throwing quotes at each other with me just sighing and wondering why I agreed to this.
celestdaer 4th Apr 2014, 8:57 AM edit delete reply
Unsure if I've told this story, but... just about the time I was stuck in the hospital recovering from my stroke, my D&D group started letting the players run DM every so often... one of the guys set up this whole tower, with a maniacal wizard experimenting on the populous, and... you know what? It was so cliche, I bet you could recite the plot with me... Anyway, the group gets up to the fight with the big bad, who has two armed guards who were quite obviously meat shields, our party has (as far as I can remember...) Myself (A summoner), an Amazon (with the requisite proclivity to random nudity...) and a couple of fighters. So, battle begins, our amazon goes first, and flashes the guards. DM rolls, they're stunned. the fighters kill them while they're useless, and I look up, since it's my turn, across the room to this big bad wizard and say, "Tasha's uncontrollable hideous laughter." DM goes, 'What does that do?' Well, as far as I understand it, it makes your character prone for so many rounds depending on their intelligence, and since you're a wizard, it's more likely to work. Fighter goes up afterward and stabs the big bad fatally, DM is pissed, because it was meant to be an epic level battle and we smashed it in two rounds.
BeyondTheFail 7th Apr 2014, 5:09 PM Death Tales - PTA Edition! edit delete reply
So, I was playing Pokemon Tabletop Adventures, and we were in the final battle (we didn't think it was the final battle, and I'd talked my way out of my midboss) of the first arc, against my Capture Specialist's possessed dead brother and the other random executives of "Evil Team TM". Possessed Dead Brother (PDB) was originally killed by Houndoom (this is important). After beating SkarmoRidley (yes, that's a thing, augmented Skarmory to the point of looking like Ridley), I ended up keeping my Houndoom in battle, since I didn't have much for better options for whatever was on the field. PDB used High Jump Kick on my Houndoom. Rolled a death saving throw (d100, high numbers are bad)...98. Deader than dead.

Final battle of the final arc, same Capture Specialist (who has little to no CON, which means no HP. This is important), we were facing down Mewtwo as he was trying to summon Giratina (which is a world-ender). After making Mewtwo into a complete joke (yet still leaving him able to open the massive portal), Giratina was summoned. Most of the party was still standing, and Giratina uses an Area of Effect attack. Other squishy person uses Protect to avoid damage. Person that is just a little less squishy than me barely survives. As the most squishy person, I have to roll a death saving's throw (less than my character level, which was 16 at the time). Natural 20. Party uses my Jolteon to try and jump start my heart (which, Student Medical Assistant me says "That's not how it works!" but plot device), and it works. Left as a cripple.
BeyondTheFail 7th Apr 2014, 5:10 PM Death Tales - PTA Edition! edit delete reply
Herp derp, misread the topic
Venellian 3rd Apr 2014, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
Magic Goblin Dildo.

I'm not totally sure of that would count, but still: talk about some random loot.
Digo 3rd Apr 2014, 6:20 AM edit delete reply

The weirdest loot came from a modern X-Files game for me. We had Magic Magic Markers which could write on the surface of any liquid, but not on solids.

The Infinity Ball was a billiard 8-Ball that was poorly weighed and rattled if shaken. It was hard to pocket in a game and no current piece of technology could break it open to see what was rattling inside. However, if thrown it gave a +5 bonus to hit the target! Ouch! O.o
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 7:34 AM edit delete reply
Weird loot? Best I got was Sword of Sheldon... It was as close as I could get to allow some meta for my players (at the time, I had the most forgetful players playing, my own siblings.)
Venellian 4th Apr 2014, 12:30 AM edit delete reply
We were playing 4e, I was the DM. The party had just beaten some goblins and I was going through my records (it was online, so I had the information on notepad on my computer), trying to find what loot they got.
Me: "Okay, so you find some gold, about 100gp, and-
Player (paladin, I think): "A Magic Goblin Dildo?"
Me (not wanting to say no, and trying not to laugh): okay, sure.

They start making camp before I can continue: "you also found some magical shoes" I didn't say what they did, because we as a party wanted the characters to figure it out themselves. They were wave strider shoes.

Player (same as before): "Eh, I toss them onto the fire."

And no-one stopped them, although they all liked the Magic Goblin Dildo, even if none of them wanted to use it.
Disloyal Subject 4th Apr 2014, 12:40 AM phat lewt edit delete reply
Remember those kobolds I mentioned a page or so ago - a dozen kobolds versus two level one casters? Yeah, the loot was a cheesily pornographic Masterwork screenplay of "The Lusty Argonian Maid" and a cellar full of booze. (Argonians are The Elder Scrolls universe's reptilian humanoids.) Both sold remarkably well when we got back to town, but I kept one bottle of the booze. Also, there was an odd number of bottles, so we drank one to even it out while tallying and splitting the loot; fortunately, it didn't get smashed by dire rats like my soup pot.
ANW 3rd Apr 2014, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
Today, I'm thinking Disney.
Who here thinks that the MLP gang can pull off the classics.
Me: Spike as Al, Discord as the Genie, and Rarity as Princess Jasmine.♥
Random Lurker 3rd Apr 2014, 6:28 AM edit delete reply
That actually sounds pretty fitting, though somehow I think Applejack could be just as good as Rarity at playing Jasmine. Rarity wants to be classy, but Jasmine is somewhat forced into royal etiquette even though she doesn't care for royal life that much.

But if Spike is Aladdin, then who is Abu?
kriss1989 3rd Apr 2014, 6:57 AM edit delete reply
ANW 3rd Apr 2014, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
I'm thinking Peewee, instead.
Just don't let him/her burn the set down by mistake.
ANW 3rd Apr 2014, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
The reason I'd said Rarity was for two things.
First, Spike. Do I say any more?
Second, she already has a pet tiger XD.
you know that guy 3rd Apr 2014, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Raja is much nicer and gentler than Opalescence.
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 7:32 AM edit delete reply
Hmm... Ineresting question that I must (by genetic default) answer. Yes, they can pull it off.
NellzDaBlackKing 3rd Apr 2014, 7:41 AM edit delete reply
Obviously we also have Fluttershy who can pull off Snow White really well.
ANW 3rd Apr 2014, 7:45 AM edit delete reply
What about the seven drafes?
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
Seven Angel bunnies... ha ha ha, were all dead.
Tatsurou 3rd Apr 2014, 11:08 AM edit delete reply
I have an old list for Aladdin that I think is a bit better.

Spike as Aladdin.
Rarity as Jasmine.
Celestia as Sultan.
Blueblood as Jafar.
Pinkie as Genie.
Discord as Iago.
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 7:49 AM edit delete reply

Also, Spike (page 5) has a sweet mustache.

And if princess Cadence and Princess Celestia is there, does that mean what I think that means in terms of which princess is getting married.
Disloyal Subject 4th Apr 2014, 12:41 AM Wasteland Dragons edit delete reply
I have some catching up to do, it seems.
Starphoenix 3rd Apr 2014, 7:51 AM edit delete reply

Twilight as Belle, Blueblood as Gaston, and... Who do we put as Beast?
ANW 3rd Apr 2014, 8:22 AM edit delete reply
Time Turner dressed as a manticore?
Euric 3rd Apr 2014, 8:52 AM edit delete reply
Spike of course! What with the whole greed-changing thing.
Tatsurou 3rd Apr 2014, 11:12 AM edit delete reply
Fluttershy as Belle.
Blueblood as Gaston.
Discord as Beast. He even animates his own cutlery.
Twilight as Belle's dotty inventor father.
Disloyal Subject 6th Apr 2014, 3:21 AM MOAR edit delete reply
Yes. I heartily approve; the world needs more Mad Science.
Anvildude 3rd Apr 2014, 8:02 AM edit delete reply
Digo- you should try putting together an actual adventuring party of Bards. Each with a different instrument/bardic art, and they can fight evil while singing catchy tunes!
Euric 3rd Apr 2014, 8:50 AM edit delete reply
You know what would be even better? Five people with actual different instruments (that they could actually play), playing bards. Now that would be glorious!
kriss1989 3rd Apr 2014, 9:31 AM edit delete reply
"I do acapella."
"Classical orchestral arrangements."
"I do folk music."
"I play the kazoo."
"I sing hymns."
"I beat box."

All bards I have honestly attempted or seen other players attempt to perform.
Euric 3rd Apr 2014, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
A dubstep bard? And how exactly does one do classical orchestral arrangements on their own?
kriss1989 4th Apr 2014, 8:43 AM edit delete reply
You don't do it on your own. Leadership feat and all his cohorts and followers were bards. He dragged an entire orchestra on our quests.
you know that guy 3rd Apr 2014, 7:24 PM edit delete reply
Folk music and/or hymns are totes legit for bardic music, if you're not tied to the Scandinavian setting.
Digo 3rd Apr 2014, 10:24 AM edit delete reply
I don't know if what's left of my sanity could take that. :)
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 4:22 PM edit delete reply
One man band bard. Had that bard once, never seen more enemies (and allies) try to kill themselves via weapon through their ears. I'm thankful I chose to be deaf as a flaw.
NOTDilbert 4th Apr 2014, 10:46 PM edit delete reply
What about a party of EVIL bards who fight GOOD singing catchy tunes - that actually catch on?
RileaSW 3rd Apr 2014, 9:29 AM Moment Killer edit delete reply
So, you remember my big reveal that the BBEG in my campaign is the Gold Dragon? Well, one of my players, after the city is destroyed, says over the rest of the group:

"I turn my head to the camera, and shed a single tear. Like that Indian."

The shocking moment was instantly killed as we all started saying "No, you don't" and "That Indian who was actually Italian?"
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 11:17 AM edit delete reply
Ha, the camera meta is best meta ever.
Curb 3rd Apr 2014, 1:22 PM edit delete reply
I broke the moment running my Heroes Unlimited loli villain.

The party got it in their heads to raid her compound and try to take her out just after sunset. They reached her private chambers in the heart of the compound (Not her Sanctum filled with Robot Ponies, that would come into play later). They managed to sneak in and being a school night, they figured the 12 year old villain would be in bed, an easy capture and bring in to justice. They even joked about it the whole way there. They took out the guards just outside the elevator and breached her chambers, only to find her not in bed, but having a sleep over with four of her most trusted loli minions, all superpowered.

BBEL (Big Bad Evil Loli): Yes?
Party lead: shouldn't you girls be in bed, it is a school night...
BBEL: It's Spring Break...

The Party broke and ran as four super powered lolis in cute night gowns hunted them through the compound and out the Gate. The Party hadn't realized that I had a tendency to cince up the calender in the game to the real calender. Should have learned after trying to catch a teen aged necromancer on Dia de Los Muertos (sorry for any mispellings).
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 4:24 PM edit delete reply
Ha, that's a good one.

If the room of the BBEL is anything I'm thinking of, I'd jump through the window and deploy a parachute so I can quickly get away with my tail between my legs for a shorter duration of time.
RileaSW 3rd Apr 2014, 5:28 PM edit delete reply
That's not a moment killer. That's a scare chord.
Raxon 3rd Apr 2014, 2:22 PM edit delete reply
I guess I'll toss a Raxon story in here. Raxon had beaten up a Jesse Jackson expy, and gotten him extradited to another country for some crimes he had committed there. The place Raxon had shipped him to was a totalitarian state, much like North Korea, where any little act of rebellion was treason, and usually punishable by death.

This expy had made a terrible, terrible mistake. You know the whole "Donate money to my organization or we will bus in hundreds of people to protest and give you horrible PR" thing? Yeah, he tried to do that to Raxon's businesses after seeing how much money it had begun to rake in. Pro tip: it is not a good idea to blackmail anyone powerful enough to wipe out the human race.

Well, he shipped the protesters in. Raxon teleported the busses exactly one mile away, with a message. "Strike one." They decided they would not be bullied, so they went right back. He teleported them ten miles away, with the message, "Strike Two". They went right back, because the expy told them to. This time, Raxon let them exit the busses, and teleported all the protesters, sans transportation, to a little border town in Mexico. Now, border towns in Mexico are rough, often having a crime level to rival much larger cities like Chicago or LA. Most of them eventually made it back to America. Some died, some were... convinced to join the local mobs.

Raxon proceeded to beat the tar out of the Expy, and tell him that if he ever tried to threaten Raxon again, and more importantly, try to have his daughter taken away(yes, the expy did threaten to have CPS take Naja away), he would crush his organization, and, out of spite, give all their money and resources to the extreme opposite type of organization. A whites only gentleman's club(actual gentleman's club, not a strip joint). Raxon got an angry mob, and a potential race riot. He tried talking the mob down, and was succeeding. Then he said, "Besides, that guy is a dick."

Aaand thus, riot. Although when the riot acually started, any rioters that entered his businesses were teleported away, and never seen again, except the ones that were. Raxon's employees wore IDRs, and could wade safely through the rioters. When the police called on Raxon to quell the riot, he just smiled. An hour later, the riot was over. Raxon had simply taken all the rioters. Nobody really complained. Or, at least, nobody with any real power. Aftera while, Raxon began putting them back, one at a time, with warnings not to disturb the peace, or threaten his family again.

And then he forced each one to write a thousand page essay on why rioting was wrong, and apologizing for the trouble they caused. Raxon then made each one present their essay/apology to a major news outlet, and also post it online, with their full name and photo.

Raxon really wasn't much of a villain this time. He was rather harsh, and, given his history, did not understand why skin color was the deciding factor in this. Harsh, but he did give them several chances to, you know, not threaten and harrass him.
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 4:29 PM edit delete reply
Huh... If you say you were a villain, then I as a hero really can't think of a actual reason to go after you. You seem to have more of a "Law Abiding Citizen" (movie) approach.


Why do you keep referring to third person?
HelpfulAnon 3rd Apr 2014, 5:05 PM edit delete reply
There's the Raxon who posts stuff, and Raxon the Character, which was created by the Raxon that posts stuff. Hence why Raxon refers to Raxon, but he's just Raxon being a silly Raxon.
Specter 3rd Apr 2014, 5:29 PM edit delete reply
Well, yeah. I just question the third person persona. It would be as if I created a character named Specter (which I've done), but I would at least refer to him with a different perspective (him).


That probably sounded really dumb and pointless, huh. ... My only defense is that I have a nine out of ten for being serious and literal. Which makes me pretty gullible actually.
Raxon 3rd Apr 2014, 9:13 PM edit delete reply
To be fair, the character came first, and my screen name here is named after him. Third person=Raxon the character. First person=Raxon the me.

Would you prefer I referred to him by his last name? His name is Raxon Dunwich.
Specter 4th Apr 2014, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
Dunwich sounds like a cool name. But really, I don't really mind, it was slightly confusing since I could only imagine your picture (Deadpool) being the one in all of your stories whenever you say Raxon. (Which in 4th wall hindsight makes some sense)
Raxon 4th Apr 2014, 8:42 AM edit delete reply
The thought process went as such: "I need a name. Sandwich? No. What about that place in (obscure MUD that was technically my first foray into real roleplaying), Dunshade Manor? That was a prestigious family, up until the undead took over. Oh! I can combine the two! He'll be named Dunwich! Yeah, that's perfect!"

And can you believe it was two years later that I discovered H.P. Lovecraft?
Specter 4th Apr 2014, 11:00 AM edit delete reply
I know I will regeret this, but what is H.P. Lovecraft?
RileaSW 4th Apr 2014, 12:34 PM edit delete reply
H.P. Lovecraft was a horror novelist and had a major case of misandry. He's most well known for his cosmic horror stories which are usually referred to in terms of the Cthulhu Mythos.

The specific story Raxon is referring to is "The Dunwich Horror".

Also, there's a game based on the mythos.
Raxon 4th Apr 2014, 1:23 PM edit delete reply
Here you go!

I recommend the rats in the walls, the shadow over innsmouth, the colour out of space, the case of Charles Dexter Ward, and The Call of Cthulhu, for starters.
Specter 4th Apr 2014, 3:44 PM edit delete reply
Now I get it... this might take a while.

Infinite:1 says all of my favorite characters die.
Dusk Raven 4th Apr 2014, 7:35 PM edit delete reply
What do you know, Dagonbytes is back online (last I checked, several years ago, it was down). Now I can read all the H.P. Lovecraft I want!
Archone 3rd Apr 2014, 7:37 PM My first time posting here... :) edit delete reply
I've got a good one. From a friend's Exalted campaign. I was playing as Nevins Maki, a Solar of the Eclipse Caste. He was the only son of a cadet branch of House Nellens, and aspiring to be an awesome merchant to prove himself to the parents who had rushed him out of the Scarlet Empire to protect him after his Exaltation. His main Intimacy was his household staff (including the boy he'd grown up with, his childhood friend Art who is now his personal valet and "whatever you say" boy. Yes, it's a satire of that show "Merlin"). His Motivation: "To make everyone rich as hell, so that no one ever goes hungry again." Literally, his goal for the campaign was to give everyone in the world at least +1 dot of Resources. In addition, his build was deliberately made to be initially sub-par; he was physically quite weak and not much of a fighter (on account of having lived a life of luxury and ease), but fully intended to start training and working out (thereby RPing the reasons for his building up his Strength stat and so on).

One night as one of the trading ships the team was sailing down the river (courtesy of his vast wealth; they were trading along the river as they went) they came across the remnants of a patrol boat beached on a mix of hard sand and rocks, with snapped ropes dangling here and there... scraped, damaged or outright splintered planks of wood for the railing and floorboards, "as if some great beast or the like had somehow boarded the vessel and trampled around." And the remnants of bloodstains and other blatant signs that it was time to be afraid. Be very afraid. Sound the alarm, team assemble to figure out what to do.

Aaaand... after the alarm had gone on for a half a minute, the door to Maki's cabin burst open and he emerged. Shirtless and barefoot, wearing the baggy silk trousers of an elite fighting monk and with a wide headband with ornate inscriptions wrapped around his forehead. His eyes bulged as he clutched a massive training sword, his slender muscles straining to hold the thing. "What!? What!? What's going on! Haiya! What!?"

All the players were already giggling and one had done a spit take, when I described Art emerging from behind him, wrapped from head to toe in thick layers of padded armor and holding a pair of striking pads. Only his eyes could be seen, but they could see the sigh in those eyes.

The GM stated that instead of penalizing me for ruining the dark and ominous mood he'd give me +1 XP for making everyone laugh. And the team tried to figure out the plan.

"Right! I'm ready!" Maki said, as he lifted his sword... or tried to. He ended up holding it slightly overhead and slightly behind his head, when it finally fell to the deck with a rather emphatic thud of "this ain't happening." To which Maki coughed, "Uh... yeah... Art? Grab the..."

And Art was already handing Maki one of the good kitchen knives without saying a word. (Which were his weapon of choice: Perfect knives, with the attendant bonuses ^.^ )
Disloyal Subject 4th Apr 2014, 12:58 AM Friggin' Barbarians edit delete reply
Our catgirl barbarian was the queen of moment-slaying. Be the moment sweet, dramatic, tense, scary, or funny, she could twist it into something else with a single action.
Ranger and healer having a heart-to-heart? Dump a bucket of water on 'em while tripping on an overdose of moon sugar.
Talking our way out of a fight? She rolls for initiative.
Walking to the dungeon? She spends half n hour hunting, then slows us down dragging the meat in the hide.
She also had a tendency to hug and/or eat fuzzy things, and always tried diplomancing anything even remotely feline. Also gnolls. Gnolls that didn't notice our caravan until she waved hi...
My character, as the resident divine caster, got to be a bit of a shepherd/mentor to her, which mostly went well, with a few moments where I tried to convince the more jaded party members to give her more leeway. Not unlike her player and I's interactions.
RileaSW 4th Apr 2014, 12:38 PM edit delete reply
For a second there, I thought you were one of my old RP partners and was referring to my catgirl barbarian.

She got into a fight with a gnomish toilet... and lost. She inadvertantly set off every trap the party came across... and was almost NEVER the one who took damage. One of the most memorable "dumb-ass" moments she had was, after being told that the runes on the ground said "Do not touch the exploding runes." she... well, you can see where this is going... Especially after the fact and someone came in and asked what happened (and the runes were still active).
FanOfMostEverything 4th Apr 2014, 5:30 AM edit delete reply
And then it turns out the wedding cake is an illusion. Possibly disguising something nasty, possibly because, you know, lich. Probably hasn't used the oven in a few centuries.
Specter 4th Apr 2014, 8:26 AM edit delete reply
Sort of like the cake made by the three fairies from sleeping beauty. They couldn't make a cake without magic. (I don't even think any of them got around to eating it.)
dracostarcloud 4th Apr 2014, 7:31 PM edit delete reply
Worse. The wedding cake is the cake from the first Mario RPG.
DoubleCross 5th Apr 2014, 5:09 AM edit delete reply
So... the cake...

...was a lie?
RowanYote 5th Apr 2014, 9:40 AM Punny edit delete reply
Due to a frequent verbal.... problem. I have been the one occasionally disrupting my gaming groups.

Don't worry though, appropriate punishment is usually applied.
Letrune 7th Apr 2014, 8:58 PM edit delete reply
Got a Platter of Infinite Breaded Meat. While things gone sour or hard, I just munched from said meat.
Way to spend your time while a whole army chases you.