Page 44 - Rule of Three

17th Nov 2011, 5:00 AM in Friendship is Magic, Part 2
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Rule of Three
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 17th Nov 2011, 5:00 AM edit delete
Story time!

In the comments, tell a story about a magical talking artifact that made more than one appearance in the campaign.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Holygriever 17th Nov 2011, 5:02 AM edit delete reply
At the risk of sounding like a fool... "R.G."?
Falgaia 17th Nov 2011, 5:05 AM Hehehe. edit delete reply
Reference Guide. Took me awhile to get that too, lol.
BadHorse 17th Nov 2011, 5:24 AM edit delete reply
The R.G. is an O.G.
Dadada 29th Mar 2017, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
The R&G department.
AstroTrain 17th Nov 2011, 5:33 AM edit delete reply
I once looted this crown from a dungeon. 10 sessions later, turns out that crown has mind control powers. :\
banjo2E 18th Nov 2011, 3:05 PM edit delete reply
If it was black/silver, and there was another silver/black crown, I want to hug your GM.
Drenivian 17th Nov 2011, 5:56 AM edit delete reply
I had a bardic longsword, that spoke in a really annoying voice, had pink flames, and was going to be part of my character's end game storyline. Hated it at first, but grew to love it.
Your Obedient Serpent 17th Nov 2011, 5:57 AM FLASHBACK edit delete reply
Back in the ancient days of AD&D1, so long ago that references to the TV show KUNG FU were within recent memory to all concerned, I played a Monk who was a blatant David Carradine parody: "Raison Caine, Master of Gung Ho."

Eventually, the DM gave Caine a magic spear that contained the spirit of his old, blind sifu from the Sho Nuff Temple, Master Po -- reincarnated for being a raunchy, abusive old bastard.

Caine's flashbacks to his time in the temple (and the comical abuse he suffered as his "training") were already a running gag with the character; having Master Po RIGHT THERE to bicker with ramped that up to eleven.

Funny how, back in the day, funny characters with running jokes never seemed to "detract from the role-playing experience".
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Funny characters with running jokes don't 'detract from the role-playing experience'... Unless they totally dominate all character interaction and INSIST that everything be about how funny they are.

Had a player in a Mutants & Masterminds campaign who was an middle age guy that turned into a magical girl (with a minor case of split personality disorder...) Eventually, these two sides merge and I let him restat his character. After that, he kept swapping sex every five minutes, give or take. It was annoying at times, but the whole group got in on the jokes, even the character him/herself. Eventually, the player (and character) leveled out. But there was never a time that the player demanded all attention be on his character's tit or anything...

Same campaign also had a player who played a former army grunt who, despite having 8 Charisma, CONSTANTLY dominated every conversation, pretty much demanding he do all the talking and forced every situation into being about his character. I eventually kicked him from the game.

...So yeah. I don't understand how your character 'detracted from the experience', especially since it was the DM that gave you Master Po...
Erin Palette 17th Nov 2011, 9:07 AM edit delete reply
<I>reincarnated for being a raunchy, abusive old bastard.</i>

It's a pity monks can't use swords.

(Wait for it... waaaaaiiiiiit for iiiiit....)
Bland Name Merchandise 17th Nov 2011, 11:24 AM edit delete reply
Lv. 1 monks should be elves. Why? Cause a longsword does 1d8 damage and a medium monk's fists (at level 1) do 1d6.
Siosilvar 17th Nov 2011, 3:00 PM edit delete reply
What's this "medium" you're talking about? Surely you mean "man-sized".

Monks can't even use swords! The elven +1 to hit does nothing for them!
Snowflame 17th Nov 2011, 3:51 PM edit delete reply
Elves in 3.0/.5 got free weapon proficiency in longsword and longbow, no matter what class they take. So it's more effective damage wise for a level 1 elf monk to use a sword til his unarmed damage over takes it.
kriss1989 18th Nov 2011, 5:26 AM kriss1989 edit delete reply
Are you paying attention at all? This is back in the days of 'man-sized' and 'race-class restrictions', not 3rd.
Akatsuki 18th Apr 2015, 8:49 PM edit delete reply
Three words: Whirling Steel Strike
It allows monks to wield longswords
midga 6th Oct 2012, 10:08 AM edit delete reply
Shining 17th Nov 2011, 7:15 AM edit delete reply
Very subtle, Umi. Very very subtle.
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
Oh, story time? Well, I don't have anything too amusing, but in a 2e campaign (my first campaign ever) the DM had us on a dungeon crawl in a desecrated temple where, due to circumstances, only evil artifacts seemed to work. We each had an evil weapon... Which were slowly eating away at the souls of the GOOD characters (the entire party, putting us on a tight deadline.)

Between having to use an 'evil sight' power linked to our weapons to fight some basilisks (my idea, actually, though the DM was kind of a jerk because the first attack I made was aimed at an ALLY, so I had to be WAY too specific about where I was attacking...) and some skeletons, a few characters were down.

Well, we find a well of holy water that can revive the unlucky ones, but the artifacts are refusing the idea. They refuse to go into the water (we had to FULLY SUBMERGE the deceased to bring them back) which would injure the artifacts, but also refused to be removed from the deceased, for undisclosed reasons.

Well, I figured that the artifacts HAD to eat good aligned souls to survive, that's why they refused to budge... But I was getting fed up them being stubborn and no one else was coming up with ideas (especially since out 'veteran' player/leader/idea guy was turned to stone at this time, I think. After using a SIGHT RANGE spell on a basilisk. Some veteran.)

Well, I tell the artifacts exactly what I think: That if they release the corpses so they can be revived, they have my solemn word that they'd go RIGHT back to the no-longer-corpses and can resume their eating... OR, they could be stubborn and I'd THROW THEM IN THE HOLY WATER ANYWAY!

The staff on the dead wizard considered this... and promptly drop from the wizard's hand. (The DM rolled behind a screen, though, so I don't know if he fudged it or not. But he was an oldie to the game, easily 20 years my senior and rather fond of the 'DM torments and kills the PCs' mentality. He was GOOD at it, though, made for very creepy atmosphere...)
Chris 17th Nov 2011, 9:54 AM edit delete reply
Story Time!

The most popular talking artifact in a game I ran was a talking sword named Akoraith. It was a longsword with a small enchantment bonus, and the ability to 'dance'--to float in the air and attack on its own, for you non-gamers out there. The problem was, it would rarely CONSENT to attacking anything; it wanted absolute proof that whatever the party was fighting was capital-E Evil, and not just confused/defending its home/hungry/whatever.

It would take far too long to tell the complete story behind Akoraith; suffice to say that the party eventually found out it was a demonic weapon which had a pommel jewel of opposite alignment attached to it by a wizard, which also reversed its personality. Still the party never seemed to get tired of his plaintive battle cry, "Are you SURE that he's a bad guy?"
Jeez 18th Nov 2011, 11:40 AM edit delete reply
Ugh. Talking swords. I once participated in a campaign where one of the MacGuffins was a mysterious, pitch-black sword that could be used with any weapon skill. Turns out it also tries to mind-control its wielder, which the DM played by having it telepathically speak to the character.

I didn't get the message that this was supposed to be subconscious so my character promptly started having mental arguments with the sword, ending up immune. The DM was fine with it. Besides, when do you get the chance to roleplay a flabbergasted sword?
David 17th Nov 2011, 10:32 AM edit delete reply
It didn't talk, but by far my favorite recurring artifact in a D&D campaign has been a pot.

We were investigating a camp of outlaws and got into a skirmish with them. Our archers started rolling notoriously badly and most of their shots struck a cooking pot in the middle of camp. We thought nothing of it until, later on when we were in a dungeon, our ranger rolled a natural 1 with her bow. Our barbarian, smart-aleck as he is, said "I bet THAT hit the pot, TOO, didn't it?" Cue the arrow flying straight over the target's head, turning in midair, whizzing out the window and - "you hear a loud clang in the distance."

Since then we've encountered the pot again anytime a ranged attack rolls a natural 1. It's quite delightful.
Maklak 19th Nov 2011, 5:48 PM edit delete reply
In our group it became tradition that when my mage poorly rolled a ranged attack (crossbow, acid arrow and the like) our priest was hit in the back.
Lunari 17th Nov 2011, 11:44 AM edit delete reply
Best talking item I’ve ever come across was an evil emerald. It had the power to grant pretty much any wish you could ask for but before you got what you asked for you had a geas placed on you to preform some act of evil of roughly equivalent value. First wish, honest to gods, was for a pony. The geas required, to kick a puppy.
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 1:55 PM edit delete reply
Wishing for a pony is a good gauge of the value of an infinite-wish granting item. If it gives you a Nightmare or something, DON'T USE IT AGAIN.
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 1:57 PM edit delete reply
Though as a follow up, a question: If you wished for something evil, like the death of someone you didn't like (who didn't have it coming), would it require a Good action?
Kuro Fox 18th Nov 2011, 11:05 PM edit delete reply
I don't think so.
The requirement is specificlaly an act of evil.

So to wish for someone speicifc to die, the requirement would be an equally evil act, probobly killing just about anyone else.
Kezarim 18th Nov 2011, 11:23 PM edit delete reply
Probably, for someone you DON'T LIKE to die, you'd have to kill someone you DO like...
Copper Hamster 17th Nov 2011, 11:56 AM edit delete reply
Speaking items... I never liked my sword to gab at me.

It wasn't exactly talking, but there was this really nice shortbow we found once. It gave , in addition to it's magical enhancements in combat, bonuses to stealth and sneakiness in general.

It also, when fired, caused any arrow let lose to wail almost like a banshee for the totality of the flight. Locating the wielder of the bow required a 2 on a listen check after one shot.

Oh yeah, it also brought down part of a cave on our heads once.

Not an artifact but I had a battered droid in Star wars that greeted everyone with "A pleasure to meet you (Lord Vader or Emperor Palpatine)"
His continued functioning was critical to the storyline.

We had a player that talked about how his dagger, blooddrinker, talked to him constantly. He even mentioned that it gave him suggestions how to kill us all in unguarded moments, etc. We never heard anything and the character was more than a little off his rocker anyway so we assumed it was characterization and never gave this guy sole nightwatch.

When he died we split his gear. That's when the next player started getting notes passed to him. And complaining that the dagger was keeping him up at night with horrifying suggestions.
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 1:53 PM edit delete reply
Hey, if nothing else, that bow can shut everyone up during a heated debated.

"...the heck was that?!"
"NOW can I get a word in?"
Kuro Fox 18th Nov 2011, 11:08 PM edit delete reply
Or to make a crowd shut up and pay attention.
witty name goes here 1st Nov 2012, 7:46 PM edit delete reply
HAHAHAHAHAHA that's hilarious
Trance 17th Nov 2011, 12:40 PM edit delete reply
One time we aquired a sword randomly in a forest, it had generated an illusion arround our party that we all got the will save on. The sword kept lighting me on illusionary fire and I eventually stopped caring even if I failed a will save I ignored that I had just spontaniously caught flames. The other Sorcerer in the group became obsessed with it immediatly and wouldn't let anyone else even hold the sword, he kept trying to activate it, even after it made him stab himself to death and then revived him.

Turns out after a few sessions it was some ultra-powerful ((ugh, I forgot what that one race that are like living objects are called, artificer?)), it was extremely high level and made of gold and platinum, and had apperently been terrorizing the country for fun. Some forest goddess put a magic leash on the guy and gave us a key that controlled him. Again the other Sorcerer stole the key and wouldn't let anyone else use him. The guy killed the other sorcerer by giving him magic crackers that 'granted wishes' but they just kept killing him, then I had the guy revive him, which then resulted in the key being stolen from me forcefully by the guy again and refusing to let me use it.

In retrospect, I should have let him just stay dead, and re-roll. The super-powerful magic slave got taken from us later by our boss, and now he seems to be invisibly following us, as we get glimpses of him from time to time or he does something like lights me on illusionary fire again.

I kept saying other sorcerer because I was playing a sorcerer in the group as well.
Shikome Kido Mi 17th Nov 2011, 12:44 PM edit delete reply
Am I the only one who finds it weird Rainbow Dash is surprised to find a reference guide to magic artifacts... In a library a wizard is staying in?

Admittedly, its' not her home tower, with the giant creepy hourglass, but that's the kind of thing D&D sages like to write about.
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 1:39 PM edit delete reply
Maybe RD's just used to long, drawn out campaigns to FIND magic artifacts. That is the standard 'thwart the big bad' plan.
Shikome Kido Mi 18th Nov 2011, 1:10 AM edit delete reply
Sure, but good research is an excellent way to start your long, drawn out search.
Matticus 17th Nov 2011, 1:49 PM edit delete reply
I remember taking part in a friend's one-shot D&D game for New Members' Night for our campus RP club. We were questing about in a dungeon and had just dispatched a group of kobolds. One of the new players had been obsessively looting corpses for the entire session, dead-set on finding some kind of magical artifact. Finally, my friend had had enough.

DM: Yes, you find something on one of the kobolds.
Player: Finally! What is it.
DM: One of the kobolds is wearing a magical loincloth. It doesn't seem very happy.
Me: Wait, you're saying that this loincloth is SENTIENT?!
DM: Yes. It has a pretty miserable existence.
DM (as Sentient Loincloth): Kill me...

At this point the table busts up laughing, and the conversation is soon derailed by the sentient loincloth. At one point, one of the players even took it upon himself to draw the sentient loincloth on the room's chalkboard (we were in a university classroom, afterall).

Ever since then, the Sentient Loincloth has appeared in our fantasy games from time to time as a running gag, and always being worn by something horrible. Poor thing still hasn't been washed...
chinlamp 17th Nov 2011, 2:06 PM edit delete reply
Yo, first time commenting, wasn't even planning to until this. Oh god, my D&D group has a fascination with talking artifacts.

Let's see, there was the talking book that had a crush on the Barbarian.

There was the talking box that gave us all sorts of useful information, including new plot hooks or how to avoid a trap (that we had no idea how it knew about). Turns out there was a demilich stuck inside the box (we didn't find this out till about 20 sessions later), and it just wanted to be let out. Its original plan was to kill us off as soon as we released it (again, unknown to us), most of the party wanted to bury it after we finished the dungeon it was in, but the cleric decided to keep it, talk to it, and became best friends with it. When we finally found a way to open the box, it just said, 'hey, thanks for that' and walked away.

Then there was the talking Everful Keg, the perverted violin that could cast mage hand at will, and this one wizard book we found. And that's just D&D.
Steam Jet 17th Nov 2011, 3:22 PM edit delete reply
I was in a party with a barbarian once, he found a sword that would talk with the voice and personality of the last intellectual thing it killed. We decided to trade it to a dragon after a while for two main reasons

1. it made stealth impossible.
2. for some reason my character always found a reason to get into an argument with it that would last quite a while.
BullBarrel 17th Nov 2011, 3:31 PM this comic edit delete reply
This comic. I love it
Azureink 17th Nov 2011, 4:22 PM edit delete reply
No RD, don't be tempted! If the DM is going to make what you say literal, be very careful.

44 pages and still reading it in the English voice acting of the TV show. Though I am unsure how to read the narrator.
Kiana 17th Nov 2011, 4:32 PM edit delete reply
The narrator has the voice of Lauren Faust, obviously. =P
Torg 17th Nov 2011, 7:39 PM edit delete reply
No, the narrator has the voice of the narrator. Even Lauren Faust is a worse candidate to say "Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria".
Rankaratar 18th Nov 2011, 8:11 PM edit delete reply
You have to read it in the voice of the narrator on Powerpuff Girls.
Azureink 18th Nov 2011, 8:57 PM edit delete reply
"And thus the My Little Ponies were born!"
Kiana 19th Nov 2011, 7:38 AM edit delete reply
"And once again, Equestria is saved by friendship!"
Kuro Fox 18th Nov 2011, 11:14 PM edit delete reply
ToonNinja 17th Nov 2011, 7:07 PM Artifact edit delete reply
There was this necklace named Mim. Supposedly been around for ages. Had some spells on him, could store items, all that stuff. But by God, was he a snarky little bitch. He wouldn't cast anything stronger than magic missile unless he got paid for it, and sabotaged our efforts a few times.

And we all loved him.
Yamazaki 17th Nov 2011, 8:16 PM edit delete reply
In an evil undead campaign (our DM was famous for his unorthodox campaigns), there was a ghostly bard with a talking dagger. Since this was a play-by-post game, the player played both the bard and the dagger, to great comedic effect. Sadly, the player had to drop out of the game, right as he was teamed up with my death knight and rampaging through golems. Could've used the help that time...
Akouma 17th Nov 2011, 9:59 PM edit delete reply
Well, in the campaign I DM, one of the NPCs invented a device that's sort of like a Rubik's Cube in appearance, only with a LOT more turnable sections and thus many more grid faces. Each grid face has a different arcane symbol, but one of them has a button on it instead of a symbol. By adjusting it so the right set of symbols are on the same side as the button, you can teleport basically anywhere in the world and bring a large amount of people with you (a sufficiently large entity will cause minor damage to it, but can be repaired), as well as to neighboring dimensions. However, it's incredibly complicated and hard to decipher for even a very talented wizard (the DC to figure out how to operate it beyond just pushing the button and hoping it works is a whopping 50).

The NPC who invented it works for the same guy that the PCs work for, so he gives it to them with the coordinates for their base already set up so they can quickly teleport home once whatever mission they were sent on that week is complete.

He also really, really hates having to do this since the first time he gave it to them they broke it temporarily by teleporting a 4x4 base golem with them in addition to the entire party, but is under orders from his boss to let them use it.

If I had to come up with a name for it, it would probably be something like "Cube of Far Travel" or something like that, but I just call it the Cube of Plot Convenience.
Akouma 17th Nov 2011, 10:05 PM edit delete reply
Oh, and I forgot to mention that in the same campaign, the PCs have a book of written prayers to Ioun that they picked up to read and laugh at in a library. Turns out, it's a direct line to the founder of the empire they're trying to topple because since said empire was founded in Ioun's name he was rewarded by being the keeper of prayers to Ioun. It's basically Tom Riddle's diary from Harry Potter, except less evil and not trying to kill everything ever.

...Also the former emperor talking through it may or may not be my favorite character I've ever made after his adventuring was over. Said character also had a 20 Int but talked like the Hulk because he had appeared out of the Aether right next to the party partway through the campaign and thus when speaking in Common had the vocabulary of a small child.
Clueless 18th Nov 2011, 3:13 AM edit delete reply
I don't get it
rudneve 18th Nov 2011, 9:40 AM edit delete reply
Not really a sentient artifact, though the group certainly thought it was. The Blade of 10,000 curses seemed to be a fine sword, if a little mouthy in public... in truth it was a cursed blade that spouted profanities in multiple languages whenever the bearer had to make a diplomacy check. ^^ fun times.
Mrmantacos 18th Nov 2011, 11:38 AM edit delete reply
A rainbow dildo that was a very powerful magic wand.... I fell in a canyon and lost it until i found it later in a dragon's horde. :3
Guest 18th Nov 2011, 4:49 PM edit delete reply
<.< >.> <.<

... What kinda twisted campaign has THAT as a magical artifact???
reynard61 18th Nov 2011, 9:17 PM edit delete reply
The *best* kind! };-)>
Mrmantacos 19th Nov 2011, 1:06 PM edit delete reply
Just a typical game with my creative DM. I found it in a friendly living chest, it only tried to eat me once before i smacked it with a newspaper
Shikome Kido Mi 19th Nov 2011, 12:39 AM edit delete reply
...Were you playing a Super Princess Peach based game?
Seriously the dialogue at the end is that the magic Vibe Scepter has flown off and could be anywhere. Then it asks if your mom is unusually happy and your dad unusually cranky. Because if so, maybe it's even at your house.
Put those dots together to deduce the "Vibe Scepter"'s primary function.
Squeejee 18th Nov 2011, 6:24 PM edit delete reply
In a game I'm currently playing, my character (a smart but profoundly unwise barbarian) got into an argument with a talking skull that have us a riddle to open a locked door. I liked the skull so much, I pried it off the wall and pinned it to my shield! WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, SKULLSY? BWAHAHAHA!
kriss1989 18th Nov 2011, 8:50 PM kriss1989 edit delete reply
I once gave my players a talking flying carpet. It always wanted to go to my worlds version of Las Vegas (I forget what I called it) and was upset that the heroes never wanted to go there. They were too interested in treasure and adventure and such. It talked in a Russian accent.
InvisibleDale 19th Nov 2011, 3:14 AM Mr. edit delete reply
Way back in 1st edition AD&D, a dwarf NPC had a ring (actually an artifact create by the DM) that would turn any liquid, no matter the volume, into any other liquid. Said dwarf also had storm giant strength. He took it into his head to turn all of the Nyr Dyv (a commonly thought bottomless land-bound sea) into vodka, dragging the majority of the town with him as he (slowly) made his way to the shore. Never made it. Wizard turned him to stone at the last second.
Ethan 19th Nov 2011, 4:02 AM edit delete reply
In a current campaign, one of the main antagonists (and the sworn enemy of a PC), a flying half-fiend, introduced himself by randomly appearing and wrecking havoc near a crowd of people waiting to get through security on their way into a major city. Naturally, being foolish blowhards, er, player characters, we immediately decide to intervene. We manage to blind him, and... he still manages to use his scythe to lop off the head of a nearby guard, before teleporting away.

After dealing with the whole ignoring-security-protocol fiasco, we find out that the scythe in question was intelligent, Evil, probably Vorpal (i.e. able to automatically cut off heads on occasion), and capable of teleporting itself and its bearer.

I fully expect that destroying the scythe will involve a long, arduous and interesting struggle throughout the campaign. Especially since my character, a Robin Hood-esque pixie rogue, happened to acquire a Chaotic Good mithral dagger named Mirilli not long after. And yes, we're using the rule in 3.5 and Pathfinder that intelligent items can sense the presence of each other out to 60 feet, and, well, my dagger HATES that scythe and all it stands for.

Incidentally, I should probably use Mirilli as an improvised lockpick more often, I'll bet she'd appreciate that...
Cliff Snowpeak 20th Nov 2011, 11:51 AM edit delete reply
In the campaign I'm currently running, our gnome illusionist was given a dagger by a good kuo-toa (frogman) priest. He later found out that it would return to him when thrown and produced random minor magical effects upon its target. The psion NPC that was helping them discovered that it was intelligent and asleep, and it wasn't until a harrowing trip through the Underdark that they found out what it was.

When they got out of the Underdark and made camp, they woke up to find a strange gnome in their camp. They eventually found out that his name was Mort and he was bound to the dagger. A few days later (in-game time), after defeating a dragon, the party found out that Mort may be our illusionist's ancestor, but how he became a dagger is still unknown.
ShadowStar 22nd Nov 2011, 11:21 AM edit delete reply
While not strictly D&D Quetyn's Sword 'Wildcard' (Tales of the Questor) fufilled the role for a bit. Seems the merchent found a new form of advertisement.. and Q couldnt turn it off. That and it used the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE when speaking.
Dragonflight 22nd Nov 2011, 12:26 PM edit delete reply
In a Star Wars game I was in a while back, the PC's found themselves on Korriban with a busted hyperdrive and limited resources. This was movie-era Korriban, so it was deserted, and any leftover tech from the past was corroded junk. The pilot, who had all her skills in piloting and gambling, found this neat crystal skull she was able to use to bypass the motivator and get the drive working. After that, the ship was haunted by a Sith Ghost, but since the pilot had epic levels of overconfidence, and NO Force power whatsoever, she just ignored its pontificating, and kept using it as a hyperdrive attachment.

The GM decided it boosted the drive performance to a new level, but the engine room looked like something out of Event Horizon most of the time. The pilot just shrugged and started negotiating with the ghost to see if it could work on improving maneuverability so she could fly even *more* dangerously.
max 4th May 2012, 3:12 PM edit delete reply
And then, there was the lightsaber with a droid brain and an antigrav built into it, which actually didn't require a user at all. But was found by the player character with an INT ten points lower than the lightsaber's. Said lightsaber basically started to to run the player's life, trying to turn him into Luke Skywalker--too bad the player had never read Terry Pratchett or he would have known what I was up to...
Trae 9th May 2012, 3:20 PM edit delete reply
I've had two intelligent swords in my time so far.
The first was designed to fight evil dragons, eventually becoming reforged and merged with a plot sword that had been broken to be crazy powerful (and only used against the BBEG). He didn't actually talk much except to complain whenever it hit something with damage reduction, which became my cue to use another weapon.
The second one is a bastard sword variant of the Frostbrand, with some extra bonuses here and there. Evidently the DM has given me control of it's personality and desires, so I have to figure something interesting for it.
Destrustor 17th Jun 2012, 5:00 PM edit delete reply
I played a mage who was kind of a dumbass, in a setting whose religion had the norse gods. He couldn't decide whether to pray to Thor or Odin so just prayed to "Thodin", which pissed off both gods.
Their wrath eventually killed him, and because revival spells were impossibly rare the psion in the party managed to trap my mage's soul in a crystal, which we ended up binding in the remains of my spellbook.
My character became a sentient, levitating spellbook able to cast spells on its own. And changed his name to Thodin. It was awesome.
witty name goes here 1st Nov 2012, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
in my current campaign, we were investigating these cloaked strangers, and one of the party members became absolutely CONVINCED that the cloaks were important. He ended up stealing one, which turned out to be a normal cloak, shenanigans happened, and now it's become a running gag.
fedoramafia 20th Nov 2012, 9:48 PM Rule Number One edit delete reply
Rule one of Roleplaying: Do NOT SPEAK in front of the GM. Especially about things he can use against you, just in case his NPCs have Meta-senses
Tatsurou 30th Nov 2012, 9:41 PM edit delete reply
DOes it count if my character WAS the magical talking artifact?

In this one campaign I joined, I didn't really want to do the full character sheet and everything else. It was my first time, and a friend introduced me to it. So, since my friend just got a magical artifact, the DM decided I could play as it. It was a magical sword that could cut through anything if wielded properly. The DM - jokingly, I think - said the only thing sharper than the blade was the possessing spirits wit.

The first fight they got into, I went full force witty banter on the foe, insults, refferring to the monsters by horrible names, and basically doing everything I could to get more laughs, since the entire table was rofling by then. FInally, the DM told me to roll for results. Nat20.

The enemy - a group of five dragons - went running home to Mommy in tears.
Guest 7th Mar 2013, 12:42 PM edit delete reply
We had managed to capture a living cloud kill that was chained to a stone. We all liked to believe that it was semi sentient, so when we found a cursed stone that played "Eye of the Tiger" 24/7, we threw it into the bag with the cloud kill. Second to last sessions we opened the bag and tossed the cloud kill into the middle of an army of the BBEG's minions. The cloud kill, so sayeth the DM, frenzied on the minions after spending about 2 months in game with the stone.
gnomeicecream 31st Jul 2013, 10:53 AM edit delete reply
The group I was running came across a magical stone of wisdom which had great plot importance. Later, they ran into another magic rock that was the opposite in every way of the stone they had gotten earlier. After putting them together, thier conciousnesses combined into a new player character, an automaton that was a warforged with the serial numbers filed off. His name was Egg. Because at the moment of creation he was perfectly balanced between good and evil, I decided that his actions would determine his alignment and race after he 'hatched'.

The moral of this story is that a group of PCs should never be allowed near the impressionable, especially children.

Egg hatched into a wicked, murderous fiend.
Guest 21st May 2014, 12:21 PM edit delete reply
i had a rock that was vary smart, he gave advice and wisdom seemed to know everything, he also had a bit of a attitude. the pc's sold him when he pulld a "you didn't ask"
sessons trying to rute out corruption later some hencemen captured the pcs and bring them to thar boss. who has the stone. it responded with "oh no its you" he than toke on a marvin like personay.
Indigo 1st Jun 2015, 12:20 PM edit delete reply
I was the magical talking artifact once. :p

My newish-friends were playing a campaign (they started before I knew them), so while waiting to go to the dining hall with them, I would hang out, watch them play, and play around on my laptop. A couple weeks of doing this later, the DM (also a newish-friend) talks to me at dinner about including me in the game as a suprise NPC. The next session, they finally manage to get this magic book open, only for me to suddenly move to the game table and start talking to them. IT. WAS. PRICELESS.

Icing on the cake? I forgot one them, a girl IRL, was playing a guy, so in-character I flirted with them. And that's how I became a bi-sexual snarky book.
Wrat 16th Mar 2018, 7:57 PM edit delete reply
Super late to the party, but I'm rereading the series, and I have a perfect talking artifact story. So our party ranger had a bow which held the spirit of an ancient king who could talk out loud. The king was super obnoxious and annoying, but we the bow itself also had some side effects. To find out more, we cast speak with dead on the wizard who had enchanted it. The speak with dead allows 5 questions to be asked. The second the wizard's ghost appeared, the bow suddenly woke up, and shouted "Hey man, how's it going? You doing alright? You don't look good, what-" and at this point, the ranger threw him out the window.
Wrat 16th Mar 2018, 7:57 PM edit delete reply
Super late to the party, but I'm rereading the series, and I have a perfect talking artifact story. So our party ranger had a bow which held the spirit of an ancient king who could talk out loud. The king was super obnoxious and annoying, but we the bow itself also had some side effects. To find out more, we cast speak with dead on the wizard who had enchanted it. The speak with dead allows 5 questions to be asked. The second the wizard's ghost appeared, the bow suddenly woke up, and shouted "Hey man, how's it going? You doing alright? You don't look good, what-" and at this point, the ranger threw him out the window.
IneptusMechanicus 23rd Dec 2019, 10:12 PM edit delete reply
We had a talking guilded skull. He was supposedly supposed to give a single peice of good advice, but afterwards give bad advice whenever consulted afterwards. The way we used it, he sat in the rogues backpack for most of the game and turned out to be a demilich who wanted my characters body for himself. I forgot what happened to it after the game was done
dr pepper 6th Mar 2021, 9:28 PM edit delete reply
dr pepper
Back in the Original D&D days i was in a game in which another player found a magic ring. He was trying to figure out what it was, while i had already deduced, from knowing how the gm did things, that it was a wish ring. So i said to the other player, "maybe it's just a joke ring that does something silly, maybe it turns your urine blue". So he said i put on the ring and say "ring, turn my urine blue!". The gm said "your urine is now blue, which seems like a waste of a wish". The other player was upset at first. But later he went into business selling "potions".