Page 444 - Acceptance Paradox

22nd May 2014, 6:00 AM in Sweet and Elite
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Acceptance Paradox
Average Rating: 4.6 (5 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 22nd May 2014, 6:00 AM edit delete
The punchline would’ve been “…has encountered a problem and needs to close.” But I ran out of room, for one thing, and then when one of my programs crashed while working on this page, I found out that it isn’t phrased that way anymore. Go figure.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Velis 22nd May 2014, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
Let's do a Story Time. Tell of a time when one of your players or the GM were completely surprised or speechless at you or your party's actions.
Razomyure 22nd May 2014, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
"I draw my greatsword and charge the wall."

Remember that guy a talked about several pages ago who always plays a barbarian? This was one of the times he actually played a barbarian. This literally came up because we were outside an inn and he heard a noise coming from a window above where we were. He decided, naturally, that it was the wall insulting him. Basically everyone else went silent while he went in for the kill, only to burst out laughing when he managed to bounce his sword off the wall and decapitate himself. Again.

That was the second character he'd lost in a single four-hour session. Because of decapitation. Yeah, really. This guy was a genius.
Digo 22nd May 2014, 6:33 AM edit delete reply
X-Files campaign.

The GM needed a few minutes to organize himself before the session so the three members that showed up did some free-form RPing among ourselves while we waited.

This led to some weird plan we had of asking my character (16-year old consultant on Magical Phenomena) to go buy some cigs at the corner drug store. The clerk forgot to ID me, at which point the other two PCs jumped onto the scene to 'bust' him for selling cigs to a minor. But they let him off on a technicality, but had to take me into custody and the cigs as evidence. So we walk out of the store, essentially having stole a pack of cigs.

Mind you we're essentially three agents of of FBI.

The GM looked up from his end of the table and stared at us like Windows with a blue screen. XD
Codeman 22nd May 2014, 9:38 AM edit delete reply
I'm going to remember that one if we ever need free cigarettes in a game. (or anything else free... (I really need to play a rouge in the next campaign I play in...))
Zena 23rd May 2014, 10:03 AM edit delete reply
Why not play as a lipstick, instead? Or a mascara? &lt;/pedant&gt;
GreenDrakeWeboen 26th May 2014, 11:31 AM edit delete reply
Poeple misspel carp. Ewe no wat tey meen. Tey no wat tey maen. Git ovre et.
Rytel 22nd May 2014, 6:50 AM edit delete reply
During a D&D game, the party was sent into a dwarven camp to either steal or steal back a certain relic, based on whether or not you believe our employer's story. In any case, the group was already looking for us after they spotted our druid attempting to scout (turns out dolphins don't live in that river, so seeing one swimming directly toward a boat looks awful suspicious). After a few poor stealth checks, they locate and surround us. But I figure, I'm the Bard, I have the 18 CHA, if anyone can bluff and diplomacy our way out of this, it's me.

Me: There's no need for arms, we mean you no harm. We're here in order to-
Wizard: I cast Acid Arrow, targeting the captain.
Me: ...
Others at table: ...
DM: ...Okay. Roll to hit, then roll initiative.
Me: ... Really.
Digo 22nd May 2014, 10:17 AM edit delete reply
I know that feeling and it is pretty frustrating.
Guest 23rd May 2014, 10:22 AM edit delete reply
Our Dark Heresy campaign had something like that. We end up stranded on a moon full of Necrons at war (Basically a species of killer robots) having already annoyed the other side of the side. Most of our team decides to ally with the Necrons against their enemy because their leader is at least polite. Our guardsman then opens with "Now listen hear you tin can." He lost an arm in the fight that followed. The same guy also got us into a fight by beating an old man over the head with his gun because the guy mentioned birds.
GrayGriffin 22nd May 2014, 7:05 AM edit delete reply
Charging right back into the bug-infested Viridian town after we'd just gotten out of it. Because our Martial Artist/Aura Guardian's Lapras had just knocked out both a bunch of bugs chasing us, as well as the presence controlling them, with a Perish Song. So after some deliberation, we decided to charge right back in and attempt to destroy one of the "heads" of the operation.

It didn't quite work out, but that's a much longer story.
Hubris Plus 22nd May 2014, 8:16 AM edit delete reply
So this one campaign I was playing a masked vigilante by the name of Firefly.

Just to be clear, this wasn't a superhero campaign, just D&D. Between monk abilities and a ring of sustenance I had six hours to do whatever while the rest of the party slept, and decided fighting crime was the way to go.

Eventually we find ourselves in a foreign city with nothing to do for a few days. The DM asks what we all want to do during down time, and I immediately fall back on going on patrol. And then a few other players decide "what the hell" and say that they join me.

What would normally just be some fluff about what I ran into on the streets becomes a sidequest. We have a couple encounters, stop some muggers, and then we hear screaming and things breaking inside a nearby home.

After our last couple of successes we're feeling pretty good about ourselves and leap in through the window. Glass goes everywhere and we all prepare to roll ini as the DM describes what we've landed in.

Turns out it was a married couple having an argument. There's a beat of silence as we digest this.

Rogue: "I backflip out the window."

Barbarian: "I turn and jump through the window."

Firefly: "Um... Sorry about this?"

*drops some gold pieces*

"Rest easy... Something about justice... I am the night..."

*leaves through the door*
Specter 22nd May 2014, 10:26 AM edit delete reply
Ha, that's like the exact thing I would hate to run into. Plus good job on using the door, that is what they were made for.
Darkside 22nd May 2014, 10:26 AM edit delete reply
I've got two, from two campaigns. One of which I'm sure I've mentioned before.

The first one was when my team needed to break into a guy's house to investigate some strange goings-on (such as the fact that anyone who stood in the lamplight while he gave a speech from his balcony started agreeing with him). Our Big Guy attempted to break down the door to no avail, so I suggested he instead aim for the wall next to the door. That got me a few stares.

The next time was a different campaign, where our party had been sworn to secrecy about our home (due to it being the afterlife). When a mortal guardsman PC asked "which direction is it?" I replied "Go far enough in any direction and you find yourself where you began." Which confused everyone enough to stop him asking.
Feotakahari 22nd May 2014, 10:55 AM edit delete reply
Don't Rest Your Head game. I chose to play as a lonely dweeb who had a hopeless crush on an artist who'd gone missing. Another player made the artist her character, and our characters eventually met up and adventured together.

One night, the artist's player posted that she was tired and she'd be back tomorrow. She never posted anything again on any of the sites she hung out on, and I never found out what happened to her.

We eventually tried to do one more session without her, having her character captured by the BBEG. I played my character as being pretty unstable, terrified of what the BBEG might be doing to her, and furious that he couldn't help her.

We got into a side fight with some kind of dog monsters--I remember they had knives for heads. The DM established that the necks were weak points.

Don't Rest Your Head has a mechanic for getting psychologically overwhelmed. You pick either Fight or Flight and roleplay it out. It triggered, and I chose Fight. Then I ripped the knife-head off one of the monsters' necks and slashed its body with it over and over, continuing long after it fell twitching to the ground.

We didn't play any more sessions after that.
Toric 22nd May 2014, 1:38 PM edit delete reply
Well, I caught one DM by surprise by teleporting one of his special monsters to the sun.

But the really cool one was a Pathfinder game in a campaign module. The group, including a melee inquisitor, a badass gunslinger pistolero, a dumb druid, a ray wizard, and a healing channel in the shape of a halfling. We had to choose when to attack a fortress because it affected the types of defenses it had. Naturally, we attacked just before dawn.

It turned out that, by bizarre coincidence, we picked the single part of the 24 hour cycle that ALL defenses were active. We fought 4 archers on the gate, about 24 fighter/barbarian mashup foes who were our level, a were-tiger and were-boar, and 5 wood golems. The module stipulated that the party should die if this were attempted.

We not only lived, we WON. The gunslinger made quick work of the golems and the druid summoned several metric tons worth of dinosaurs, rhinos, and similarly large and annoying creatures to engage the minions while we mowed them down. The DM was completely flabbergasted, especially since the rest of the fort was basically empty.
Aggrax 24th May 2014, 1:00 PM edit delete reply
Toric, I know exactly what that module was. My party did almost the same thing, sneaking in at night and fighting the wood golems which alerted everyone else. We had a Paladin, a Druid, a Witch, a Ranger and a Bard. Druid and Witch took out the fighter/barbarians with AoE spells while the Paladin and Ranger took on the big dudes in melee, with the Bard (me) being support and healing. Combat lasted three hours (realtime) and our GM was pissed that we bypassed all the maps he had made for that night.
Venellian 22nd May 2014, 5:52 PM edit delete reply
It's actually pretty hard for the players to get me stunned by what they do. For example:
Me: "The demon is a female-"
Paladin: "I seduce her." (He used all of his actions to try to seduce her, and he was the paladin.)

Um... Kevin the Fabulous!

So in one game, I made a gnome barbarian named Kevin, just in case a player needed a character. One of them ended up playing as Kevin (a gone whose thing was grapple attacks with spiked armour) and due to a critical failure chart that I was using, Kevin wound up exploding, dealing enough damage that the rest of the party was able to win the fight against two level 2 paladins. Yes.

That player then went on to play as a pony (just a regular pony for the time being), and the party got caught in a cave/dungeon, right next to the entrance, by a large zombie.
Pony (little HP left): I charge the zombie.
Me: Sp you attack?
Pony: No, I use bull rush.
He managed to get the rest of the (level 1) party out of what would've otherwise been a tpk, and then they went on to defeat the zombie, level up, and his pony character lived.
I was still not speechless, but it was pretty neat from such a low-levelled party, and such a brave little pony (I believe that he used the AJ mini).
Raxon 22nd May 2014, 7:50 PM edit delete reply
Left everyone speechless, huh? Well, I was playing some fire immune character in a spelljammer one shot. It was a wild ride, and there was a rogue titan attacking... I forget the name. I'll just call it Middle Earth.

This titan was basically a sun, and approaching the planet rapidly. Middle Earth was suffering from a drought due to the titan's proximity. The gods tasked us with luring it away. Everyone else wanted to use a ruby to lure it away.

I grabbed the ruby from the rogue, and ran to the bow of the ship.

"I drop my pants to pee off the side of the boat."

"Okay, you take 254d20 damage from the heat."

"No, I'm immune to fire. Elemental blood, remember?"

"Oh, right. Your urine turns to foul steam, obscuring your view. Make a fort check to avoid nausea."

"I rolled a one. Mind if I roleplay this one?"


"How big is the ruby again?"

"It's about four inches wide, and a foot long, carved into an octagonal prism. Why?"

"I drop the ruby and begin coughing. I double over the railing and vomit, then fall back, lodging the ruby snugly in my anus."

Dead silence.

"I scream 'Damn gay ass titan bitch maggot! OW!' and begin to crawl around, my eyes stinging from the foul piss steam. As I search for something to wipe my eyes, I turn my back and moon the sun titan. As I crawl, the ruby sways side to side, in an alluring manner."

It became a house rule that nobody is ever allowed to urinate off of or out of any kind of vehicle or transport.
Digo 23rd May 2014, 7:06 AM edit delete reply
Ooooookay. That was different.
Kaze Koichi 23rd May 2014, 9:30 PM edit delete reply
We need "things Raxon can no longer do in D&D".
On the other hand, we already did this topic.
FanOfMostEverything 23rd May 2014, 6:21 AM edit delete reply
I actually have an in-character example. In this one Adeptus Evangelion game (Dark Heresy with giant cyborgs, basically,) one player was playing a hybrid berserker who was basically the id to Rei's superego. I even gave him a unique trait that allowed him to buy additional AT powers if he ate part of an Angel, and it fit perfectly with his character. (I called it "Fratrivore." Yes, he was actually based on Adam, not Lillith. Not even he knew; I was saving it for the end.)

So, at one point, Gendo himself is coming to NERV Boston (where the game was set) to give a speech. After an incident with Sachiel stepping on a detonating N2 mine and getting launched halfway across the world, the Angels are targeting Boston instead of Tokyo-3. (Hey, I had to justify the setting change somehow.)

Anyway, the pilots are expected to be there, including Psycho McNomnom. Well, it turns out he had a psychopath's charisma, behaving himself the whole time according to the logic that if he flubbed this, he probably wouldn't get to eat any more Angels.

For RP purposes, I had each of the pilots schmooze a little, and when his turn came up, he poured on the charm for some mid-level functionary at NERV Boston. She knew exactly what he was like normally, so I treated it like mental trauma. She failed the roll so badly that she gained several Insanity points, developed a nosebleed, and entered a fugue state for several seconds. When she came to, her short-term memory had purged itself.
Locue 23rd May 2014, 7:27 AM edit delete reply
During a steampunk campaign, we were doing city stuff, and had a goon shooting at us with a rail gun from blocks away. After our Rogue/Fighter guy snuck up on him and planted a crossbow bolt thru his ears, we found out it had to be powered by a room full of glass jar batteries, making it completely impractical for adventuring. Or so the GM thought.

A discussion between party members and one smug declaration later, the GM went "Of course you take it and mount it on your airship! Why wouldn't you mount it on the airship?"
Silentking 23rd May 2014, 6:08 PM edit delete reply
This happened two weeks ago. We were playing a game system called Marvel Heroic Roleplaying (Look it up, very fun). I was playing Moon Knight and I was one of two new players to the group. The others were busy but would show up later. So, it was just the GM, me, Iron Man (the other newbie to the group), and Hawkeye. Long story short, Iron Man is in a business meeting with Wilson Fisk (He had bought 20% of Stark's company) and caused a brawl was caused by Iron Man hacking Fisk's security systems. It was Shocker vs. an unarmored Iron Man (Tony made it to the elevators before Fisk found out) but I was able to make it because I was spying on Fisk the whole time. So I took on Shocker while Hawkeye was running to the window I had broke getting in and Venom was coming over to beat us all up (Fisk had hired the Sinister Six as bodyguards). Just Venom showed up and distracted Iron Man, I had to defend myself against Shocker's vibro-gauntlets in a narrow hallway. Fortunately, I managed to dodge but since Shocker was almost knocked out by Iron Man the round before. So, I used the rules to activate a counter attack which led to an auto knockout.

I didn't feel like being generic and say that I simply knocked him out. So I said I defeated Shocker by throwing moon dart into his eye. Everyone stopped talking for a couple of seconds as soon as I said that. Then someone said "Oh, it is that kind of group." We played as normal, but that action has affected Moon Knight's interactions with everyone. Also, things spiraled out of control and things got derailed to the point that even us players are in a bad situation. That story will be saved for another time but it involves Deadpool and a Deadpool/Wolverine clone.
The Angry Vegan 23rd May 2014, 8:47 PM edit delete reply
Every time the alchemist actually helps instead of drinking an invisibility potion or climbing a wall and leaving us to hang.
Silver Bolt 22nd May 2014, 6:42 AM edit delete reply
"I put the crate on his back."

So the party had been searching for the stolen goods of a merchant who couldn't go find them himself (arrested for some reason). They found the goods, and the Fighter had started stealing Liquid Ice from a crate. Then, for no reason anyone could think of, he had laid down on the floor.

The party's Oracle--Half-orc Metal Oracle, so basically an Oracle that wishes it was a barbarian--decides to put the crate full of Liquid Ice on the guy's back.

By the time I could think of something to say, the Fighter decided to shove the crate off his back (at which point everyone else had left the cave). He nearly froze to death in the aftermath, and he ended up owing a lot of gold to that merchant.
Sparky 22nd May 2014, 8:23 AM edit delete reply
So our gaming group has this wonderful alchemical item called the improbability elixir, made one night when the party poisoner got drunk and successfully reverse-engineered upon regaining sobriety.

Every time it gets used, we have to stop the game for a minute.

Between turning the owlbear into a giant tree, summoning an indoor tornado, creating a swarm of chickens and cockatrices...
EdgeOfOblivion 22nd May 2014, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
As the GM in question, these are just from the most recent campaign. In prior games there were a few other incidents - animating a pile of boulders, causing an assassin vine to grow out of a brick, turning a wall into pudding, summoning an otherworldly abomination then setting it free to rampage across the world (mostly because the party wasn't powerful enough to stop it), turning goblins into mushrooms, and burrowing a semi-sentient tunnel are just a few of the incidents I recall.

It's basically the Rod of Wonder on steroids.
Envy05 22nd May 2014, 8:51 AM edit delete reply
A while back, the DM of our D&D 3.5/Pathfinder game committed a total party wipe(or close enough anyway) by submerging us all in lava. One of our party(the druid) survived, and realizing the campaign was completely hosed, used a rules loophole to wildshape into a neutronium golem. He then proceeded to punch out the Material Plane.

The DM did not have an intelligible response to that.
CrazyTom 22nd May 2014, 9:26 AM edit delete reply
In one of my favorite pathfinder games ever, I was playing an eldritch knight focused around utility spells and melee damage output. One day, we came to a castle in the countryside that was home to an insane artifact collector. We had been tasked by a nearby town to retrieve a relic of theirs from him, called the Cookpot of Conjuration. We were supposed to get it back before the guy could use it to 'stir up trouble' as the DM put it. Everyone stopped to appreciate that one.

It gets better; when we saw the gate was guarded by a huge squad of mercs, the DM started giggling (he liked to throw ridiculously hard fights at us) and i suspected he probably had some tpk shenanigans in store for us. I told him that I cast burrow on myself, and I tunneled under the walls of the manor and into the room with his artifacts. We laughed at his silent despair as we made off not only with the Cookpot, but loads of other valuable artifacts for free.
Dangit! 22nd May 2014, 9:55 AM edit delete reply
I was playing an Illusionist in a group that'd been pursued by city guard over a plot related misunderstanding.

Not wanting to fight and kill a group of soldiers just doing their job, I performed an illusory conjuration of a fearsome demon. I'd been planning this one for a while, and had a great narration about his arrival, descriptions of how he had rotting skulls for hands and feet, no head, and a jagged mouth for a stomach.

Halfway through the introduction, the GM stopped me. Apparently one of the guards had a Wand of Dispel Illusion and my magnificent creation just evaporated into smoke.

I was not prepared for that. But I got my revenge when, after our group won the fight, my Lawful Good Illusionist refused to loot the corpses since it was bad enough we had to kill them in the first place.

It would have been different if these were normal bad guys. But, no, they were honest cops and didn't deserve to have their corpses stripped. Plus, there were very likely more on their way, and we needed to split.
Digo 22nd May 2014, 10:28 AM edit delete reply
Thinking about it, Twilight's reaction just reminded me of how my wife used to play paladins. Party members about to do something dumb and likely illegal?

"Go have fun with that. I'll be here if you need help donating charity to an orphanage or something."

I think that's what made her a really good player for the role of paladin. If a PC was going to break the law, she wasn't going to smite them. She reasoned that the town has guards/cops to handle petty crimes. Her quest was charged by the gods for something within the bigger picture (like killing the BBEG or such). So for little crimes like this, she'd just follow the local laws: usually entailing reporting to the police that she heard the PC contemplating a crime and then she'd be on her way. Leave it to the city's laws to handle it from there.

I personally found it hilarious that all the law-breaking PCs didn't think to just stop telling the paladin what they were about to do. Durr.
Mabbz 22nd May 2014, 10:43 AM edit delete reply
So, in my forum pony RP, things were going badly. Four characters had disappeared (two permanently for real life reasons, the other two temporarily due to an incharacter argument), and even an impromptu song hadn't fixed anything. Everypony beds down for the night hoping things will be better in the morning.

Then one of the players posts this:

Sometime during the night, when she was pretty sure the rest of the house was quiet, Backlash snuck from her room. Using her years of training and expertise, she combed the house for a certain pony.

Her heart soared when she found him asleep on the sofa downstairs. She quickly disrobed, leaving her gear in a neat pile, and attempted to spoon with Hazy on the sofa, cuddling him gently.

He's probably liked me all this time and I was too busy playing with Thunder to notice! What a fool I've been! Now I see, though. It was so obvious! Thank Luna she left, she was just wasting my time anyway...

Hazy is my GMPC. I had no idea this would happen, so it left me pretty speechless. I got the player back though, when I wrote about the next morning:

Celestia's sun rose over the horizon, and was largely ignored by ponies that preferred to have a lie in. The light crept in through the window and fell upon two figures locked in a loving embrace. Eventually Hazy gave in to the call of the day; his eyes gently flickered open and met those of the mare of his dreams.

"Hey there, sweetie," said Backlash lovingly.

Backlash smiled at the way Hazy's stare penetrated deep into her soul, the handsome grey stallion apparantly unable to tear his gaze away, his expression utterly blank as his ability to speak was overwhelmed by his feelings for her.

Hazy had been in many awkward situations in his work before, and knew how to ad lib his way out of surprises. Being able to adapt to the unexpected and maintain his cover was one reason why he made such a good spy. And so, after his brain started working again he calmly considered the situation, came up with multiple ideas as to why he had apparantly slept with a colleague, and tried to determine the best possible reaction. Unfortunately, his body reacted much quicker.

With a yelp of shock, Hazy tried to jerk away from Backlash. This meant he bounced off the back of the sofa and succeeded in knocking both of them on to the floor, with Hazy on top and his lips firmly pressed against Backlash's, who happily accepted the invitation and moaned sensuously into his mouth.

Hazy's brain gave up at this point, its last thought being 'screw it, she's hot' before his libido took over. At this point, spontaneously falling in love was probably easier than coming up with a logical explanation. Stroking her mane, he returned the kiss.
Digo 22nd May 2014, 1:07 PM edit delete reply
Heh, that does sound amusing. I've had players pull moves like that on my NPCs when I run a campaign. Sometimes I'll even poke the player by having one of my NPCs provoke the scene first.
Specter 23rd May 2014, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
I had a situation like this, where one of my players did something like this (Wedding) with another NPC who kidnapped her... We (NPC and I) thought she was crazy.

It makes matters worse that the player was my sister, so whatever.
Dragonhawk 22nd May 2014, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
In my very first D&D campaign, I was playing an elf wizard, and learned the baleful polymorph spell. We got to the ultimate battle with the BBEG, and we really needed him to be killed by the right player - the one with the magic sword that would prevent him from respawning with his dark magic and re-attempting his plan to destroy the material plane.

So there we are, having the ultimate battle, in the 'elemental plane of broken crockery' (because the BBEG wasn't going to destroy the material plane while he was ON it of course) and it's my turn. I look at my spell list and think, "this BBEG is going to make the saving throw...should I even bother trying to polymorph him? But it would make things so much character would at least try."

So I say: "I polymorph him into a dolphin. That way he has no effective limbs, but he's not in danger of suffocating in air - no saving throw bonus." Then the GM rolled the saving throw...and the BBEG turned into a dolphin. The battle suddnely got a lot easier.

As I recall, after a few minutes of stunned silence, the GM said the BBEG "squaked 'Well this is awkward,' in dolphinese..."
Disloyal Subject 22nd May 2014, 12:04 PM ...Okay then. edit delete reply
Fiendish Pony Tales campaign. Just... Full stop. "Roll Persuasion with the ground" was one of my favorites. (Some kind of freshwater kraken was under a lakebed, and we were trying to dig up a flower that turned out to be attached to its head. Only one of us didn't need to breathe, and he's our competent loon.)
Mort the Ghost 22nd May 2014, 1:39 PM edit delete reply
Ahhh, speechlessness. It is time for the tale of how Malleon Nine-Fingered, Cleric of Kord, earned his sobriquet.

We were in a ruined castle, and our elf rogue found a secret door. Behind it lay a library ... inhabited by a ghost which was controlling all the undead in the castle, which we weren't supposed to encounter and thus have the means to defeat until after we'd gone through the rest of the castle. After frightening off the elf and the half-giant psychic warrior, and possessing the dromite kineticist, I rolled Knowledge (religion) to see how you could put it to rest.

I got lucky with my roll, and the DM said, "You need fire, holy water, and the bone of a righteous man." I said, "I take out my torch and a flask of holy water." The DM said, "Fine. What about the bone?" I said, "I cut off my little finger."

Utter. Fricking. Silence.

After a minute, I say, "Ixtim's my friend! I'm a righteous man, and my finger contains bones! It's the only way to save him!" The DM sighs and says, "Alright, one point of damage. You banish the ghost and all the undead in the castle fall to bits, thus depriving you of THE XP YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO EARN."

"Also, cutting off your own finger to save your friend? That was hard-core."
Dilaculo 22nd May 2014, 2:29 PM edit delete reply
Technically speaking, you're supposed to get XP for every encounter you overcome, by combat or guile. I'd call that one heck of a way of overcoming that challenge.
Adens 22nd May 2014, 3:57 PM edit delete reply
I was playing a bard during a mini-mission where we were trying to infiltrate a castle to gain information about a missing heir. While eavesdropping at a doorway where we had heard an argument, suddenly the door opens to reveal the resident Lord and his military commander. Everyone was rolling for initiative when I decided "I can salvage this" and burst into Pinkie's Singing Telegram, changing "Gummy" for one of the Lord's vassals.

No one said anything for a bit. It was my first campaign and I hadn't burst into song at any point until then. The DM asked what I was trying to do, and I said I was trying to pass my PC off as a singing telegram. A little more silence, then the DM asked me to roll Bluff. I passed my bluff check so we didn't have to fight, but we were escorted out as the "Singing telegram and his bodyguards" on the grounds that "sung well or not, singing telegrams suck and no one likes them."
Bombom13 22nd May 2014, 4:30 PM edit delete reply
I am horribly ashamed of this, but one time, we needed to wrap up a one off, where we had been doing some major pvp in a very small room. The dm was pretty much good with anything if the dice rolled high enough. (e.g., a dragon ate some slime, rolled an 18, and summoned a boyfriend, which we are still trying to kill.) I wanted a conclusive end, and we weren't getting anywhere, so I asked the DM if I could summon a piece of large construction equipment. I got a high enough roll, so he agreed.

It was at this point that my vampire/werewolf (don't shun it, it was pre made.) sang, "I came in like a wreaking ball!" It flattened everyone in the room, and we all died. The group was not pleased. . . . . They still aren't.
kriss1989 22nd May 2014, 5:22 PM edit delete reply
I have, on more than one occasion, has my campaign so spectacularly derailed in one move that I literally had to call a halt to the game to figure out "well WTF happens now"?
Andrew 22nd May 2014, 7:27 PM Arimius edit delete reply
So this one campaign I was a part of had us searching the office of a shipping company to see if the head of the company was planning to launch a revolt against the king of the city (who was actually a good guy, though it turned out his wife wasn't. long story). In the middle of our sneaking about, the head (a dwarf) burst in on us with goons just as we found some dirt on him, and at the end of the fight we decided the best thing to do would be to take him with us since we already had evidence of his shenanigans. In order to get through the town unnoticed, we packed him in a crate under some jerky and other food-stuffs so we wouldn't draw attention by hauling an unconscious dwarf all over town. This works fine for the most part, until we get to the castle and one of the guards, smelling the jerky, makes us promise to bring him some on the way out. So once we get the dwarf down to the dungeon and the evidence to the king, I pocket some of the jerky and hand it to him on the way out, only to have him ask why there is so little there. I immediately respond "well the dwarf took up most of the room in the crate, so there was only a small amount of room on top of him to pack the jerky." There was a long pause before the DM describes the guy slowly handing me back the jerky and muttering about "crazy ass adventurers and their dwarf jerky" as we walked off. "Dwarf Jerky" became something of a running gag for a while.
Specter 22nd May 2014, 8:19 PM edit delete reply
Well, I seem to have dropped the ball for popping some sort of YouTube video this time... I have no regrets.

By: 2Snacks, A Ponyvania Trailer
SongCoyote 22nd May 2014, 8:41 PM edit delete reply
Ah, those moments of silence. How I adore them.

One of my recent favorite was when I was playing a Paladin who was particularly focused on banishing and slaying demons. The party was unaware that I had taken one of the archetypes that basically meant that some of the rules of being a Paladin - most especially the one about telling the truth - no longer applied if I was dealing with a demon.

So we got in a fight with a powerful demon and wore her down so thoroughly that she surrendered directly to me, hoping she could use my goodness for her own safety. I nodded and propped my khopesh on my shoulder, then told her that the price of her life was the information we needed to survive a future encounter we had researched.

She agreed and told us what we needed to know. I nodded, politely thanked her... then beheaded her.

The whole party - even the DM, who hadn't quite remembered that part of the archetype - just stared at me. I had NEVER gone back on my word before, and I had captured or accepted the surrender of clearly evil creatures before. I looked at them slowly, muttered, "No demon may be allowed to live," and then turned and stalked off toward the exit.

When they recovered we had a lively little discussion about the nature of my demon slaying vows. I think they were still a little perturbed afterward :)
Xelmon 22nd May 2014, 8:43 PM edit delete reply
In 4E I was playing a Wizard. The party was romping around and having a helluva time, kicking ass, taking names.

Then we come to this hillside where a certain treasure or something rather... It was an entrance actually. We even saw it on the map, so it was close.

We're all bunched up, almost spooning each other when we spot a blue wyrmling resting on a large monument plate, and we all go "Huh". The bastard immediately takes off, sweeps in, and hits half of us for some serious ice damage.

Battle rages... Well, not so much battle, it was more of a rape. In like 3 turns the ranger (very good buddy) is rolling poorly, 2 guys are down, and other 2 beside me are going crapping their pants. They are going for maximum possible damage, and potentially a way to get outta there. It was time to use my daily...

G1: Shoot him!

G2: Yeah, every last bit counts!

Me: Ah-hah, bring down that thing with a sling... Screw that, new plan, 'Sleep!'

Everyone: ... (some good 5 seconds go by)

Ranger: You have Sleep? What does it do?

DM: You shall see... Ok, roll to hit against Will.

Me: *Rolls*

DM: Hits! The Blue wyrmling wavers in the air and goes limp in almost mid motion, falling and hitting the ground, leaving a small groove in the dirt where it slid after impact.

Me: SWEET! It worked!

We jumped it hard and fast. Barely managed to chop it up before it woke up to take off again, when finally the ranger got good rolls and nuked the wyrmling.
L 22nd May 2014, 9:02 PM edit delete reply
In one of the recent Pathfinder games we played, we had three especially surprising and speechlessness-inducing moments for the GM near the beginning and end of the game (among others, but I digress).

The first was in the first scene of the game. A flaming meteor hit a tavern we were all gathering in, and as the battle began, one of the players-who went by the name Gene Ericson in this game-decided that he'd do something a bit unusual. You see, Gene was from the land of Brodea, where anything can be solved by making the cause of a problem your bro. So, he rolled to befriend the fire on the meteor. Everyone had a good chuckle at this, but then the GM completely shut down when Gene rolled a 20, right after a detailed explanation on how 20s were the best possible success and 1s were the worst possible failures in his own house rules. The fire revealed itself to be an elemental that accepted Gene's offer of friendship before vanishing. This totally threw off his plans for the first battle, too.

The latter two I'm going to mention happened in the penultimate module. We were all fighting a group of wizards with varying focuses. One of these focuses was "fist." Said fist wizard decided to do a Chaos Dunk in an attempt to wipe us all out. Our own wizard-much to the dismay and protesting of our GM-cast a rope trick (which we had used to solve two other problems in the whole game prior to this), with the logic that a dunk needed a hoop. This caused the fist wizard to come crashing down and setting up his inevitable demise.

At one point, one of the wizards created a wall of fire, and we were running out of options to stop him. Gene decided he was going to roll to befriend the fire one last time as a last-ditch effort. The GM was sure that it was gonna fail-but a nat 20 sent him into silence and the chat into manic laughter. The fire elemental from the meteor returned and proceeded to chat with Gene for a moment before SHOVING THE WALL OF FIRE DOWN THE WIZARD'S OWN THROAT.

Yeah. Weird things happened in that campaign and there were a lot more of these kinds of stories to tell. These are just some of my favorites.
Guest 22nd May 2014, 9:32 PM edit delete reply
I love when house rules explode in the DM's face.
Shadotterdan 22nd May 2014, 11:46 PM edit delete reply
In one gaming session I did, I decided to jokingly make a called shot to my opponent's self esteem. The DM said she would allow it, but only if I rolled a 20. I got it, a second 20 to let her come up with something as I couldn't on the fly and she states that my sword leaped out of my hands and proceeded to insult her so bad her stats went down permanently.
elfolampo 23rd May 2014, 1:26 PM edit delete reply
There was this one time where our group met a friendly NPC wizard. Out of the blue, my character declared to the group and the wizard's face, without any proof, and completely baselessly, that the wizard was actually a shapeshifter posing as the wizard. This left both the wizard and the GM speechless for a few seconds, before the conversation devolved in a discussion on the true nature of the wizard. Because, yes, the wizard actually WAS a shapeshifter posing as the wizard, but we had barely got past the greetings at that point and the GM really did not give us any reason to think it was. It was just some good ol' PC paranoia.
Zeeth 23rd May 2014, 3:39 PM edit delete reply
So I finally have a story to share! (kudos if you read this far :P )

I was playing a unicorn (chaos mage style) in a pony forum game with occasional IRC sessions (D&D 4e, slightly adapted). My character wanted to be a pegasus instead so he could fly with a childhood filly-friend. Instead he has to deal with a really crazy wild talent: his cutie mark involves gravity manipulation. Poorly (at first), but the idea was that he could eventually learn to at least walk on air via magic (like Twilight's cloud-walking spell, basically).

Well, his family does fireworks, which made him the demolitions expert of the group. And the BBEG was threatening to blow up the city as a diversion from his real plan, which was to blow the literal top off a buried temple. He had a young filly convinced she was going to be powerful and important if she helped him, and he gave her apparent command of some of his minions as well as some sort of remote-control in the form of a button. My character had acquired some hoof-boots of flying and had been disarming the plastique high up in the support columns of the temple, but his attention was being drawn by that loudmouthed filly.

She brandished the button, an implied threat to use it to do some unknown thing to us. My character aimed a Chaos Bolt at the button and hit, frying it.

Cue silence for a few seconds.

Then the fight continued and we saved the day. I never did find out what that button would have done.
Guest 23rd May 2014, 3:57 PM edit delete reply
We ended up with a nasty one due to our DM not reading the level guide. He brought out a Lictor (a nasty alien that could kill the entire party four times a turn and never be seen) in desperation our psychic reached into its head to try and get it to believe we were pillars of rock or something. It resisted, failed its test and because of that had to roll on a table of 50 different results, it got the only thing that would stun it, fell into a coma and I had to spend two turns beheading it while everyone else fled to safety. Then the GM brought it back, so our librarian character somehow blocked all its attacks and sucked it into a pocket dimension.
Needless to say we all received a rant from said librarian about the proper use of "the most terrifying creature in games entire universe" after we'd all picked our jaws off of our keyboards.
kiapet 26th May 2014, 7:31 AM edit delete reply
Once the party's fighter was trapped in the Undercity, which is exactly what it sounds like. He rolled a Gather Information check and got a natural twenty. Our DM was so thrown she had to call a break and phone a friend. He ended up skipping the entire adventure she had planned and coming up in our innkeeper's basement.
Cyborg-Lucario 2nd Jul 2015, 8:10 AM edit delete reply
Left a GM speechless, eh?
During college one time, so did we get to a swamp so that we could investigate some ruins. But we met up with a large group of kobolds camping, and when they saw us, they started to attack.
The thing though is that both the players and the kobolds gets a speed penalty in difficult terrain such as swamps.
Then I surprised the GM when I used a skill that my Gnoll ranger had.

I don't remember what it was called, but the radius was five squares (almost all the players was in there) and that it makes it so that the caster and everyone around her will be able to move in difficult terrain like it was nothing. And it ends when the encounter is over.
The gm looked at my character sheet, and returned it in silence.
She was pretty much surprised over the fact that I had a skill that would make her challenging encounter into a cakewalk for the group.
Keybounce 12th Nov 2016, 10:12 AM Surprising a GM edit delete reply
(Is 2.5 years too old to comment?)

Recently, I managed to surprise a GM with something that seemed obvious to me.

This was a new campaign, taking place inside a large island that had been sealed off from the rest of the world by a forcefield two years ago. In the last two years, reports were coming in of inventors being kidnapped or otherwise disappearing.

On hearing this, my character (based on Jake Long from American Dragon) decides to try to figure some way to combine wood and small wheels to make a skateboard. I figure the best way to get to the heart of the problem is to be kidnapped :-).

That a player would try this so surprised the GM, that he gave me an inspiration point, and told me that the PC's would not be kidnapped (apparently, the big bad is too smart to bring a troubleshooter into his lair)
Dadada 17th Mar 2017, 9:49 PM edit delete reply
My friend recently made that joke.