Page 476 - High Society Hipster

5th Aug 2014, 6:00 AM in Sweet and Elite
<<First Latest>>
High Society Hipster
Average Rating: 5 (4 votes)
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Newbiespud 5th Aug 2014, 6:00 AM edit delete
It looks like I'll be going to the Northwest Bronyfest meetup in Portland this weekend. I've always enjoyed this event when I've had the opportunity to attend, so I'm looking forward to it.

Story Time! Share a story in the comments about a player one-upping or showing up an NPC or another player, whether by skill or knowledge or something else.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



GrayGriffin 5th Aug 2014, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
We'll, I'm not sure if I've shared this here already, but one time in our now-finished PTU game, we had to make our way through a bug-infested Viridian Forest, and the safest way was a tunnel still under construction. We had split the party at that point, so it was just my character and another one. The other guy sends out his Steelix to help with the digging, but before they an get any further, my character steps up, apologizes for upstaging everyone, and expends one of the Miracles she gets as a Messiah of Terrakion to complete the tunnel in a few minute. Said tunnel also gets its walls transformed into brick, with frescoes even.
Digo 5th Aug 2014, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
Did I mention The Great and Powerful Trixie's Monte Carlo entrance?

Our supers team went there to track down a villain (and we uncovered his bomb plot to sabotage the F-1 race that was about to start there). One of the villain associates (The 'Don') was at the fanciest Casino in town. The Don made a big entrance and all so that he'd hold the town's attention while the BBEG put his bomb plot into motion.

Trixie of course wanted that attention. She grabbed one of the other players (Paul the alien) and dressed him up as her bodyguard. Then she rented a limo and showed up to the casino unannounced. The GM asked if I was sure that my azure unicorn planned on showing up in public at a human casino, in a human city, on a human planet in sight of the media.

Yes, yes I am.

I cued up Lady Gaga's Poker Face song on my laptop as Trixie made her grand entrance. Slow-motion walk across the red carpet, gem-studded fancy saddle, tiara and fur scarf, the works. Blew my money, but bow was it worth it to see The Don blow a forehead vein in anger of being showed-up by a talking pony. :3

kriss1989 5th Aug 2014, 7:14 AM edit delete reply
If you're going to reveal your existence, might as well go for broke. Refuge in audacity baby, nobody is going to question something this outrageous.
Digo 5th Aug 2014, 8:18 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, exactly my thought. SHIELD tried to keep Trixie a secret from the public, but there's just no holding back a talking magical unicorn showstopper. :D
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 9:07 AM edit delete reply
(Laughs uncontrollably, trying to muffle as much as possible, as I am the only one currently awake)

Ha ha ha ha ha, I can actually imagine that happening, and for some reason, you getting away with it, ha ha ha ha ha.

(Sits up straight with serious face on) F-1 race, that actually sounds familiar some how, I just can't put my finger on it.
Digo 5th Aug 2014, 10:20 AM edit delete reply
F-1, my shorthand for Formula One racing. The specific track for the Monte Carlo area is the Circuit de Monaco:
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 5:44 PM edit delete reply
oh yea. For some reason I kept thinking about F-Zero and the flying portion of racing.
Midnight Blaze 6th Aug 2014, 3:40 AM edit delete reply
Perfectly understandable.
Kynrasian 5th Aug 2014, 7:04 AM edit delete reply
Gee, the story about our "lich-in-a-vault" would really fit that topic but I can't possibly recount the story twice, it'd be both boring and immodest.

But given that the guy had the whole party near death I was pretty impressed with myself for being able to figure out a way to beat him without even drawing weapons.
Zaerosz 5th Aug 2014, 8:05 AM edit delete reply
How long ago was this tale told? I can't seem to remember it.
Adens 5th Aug 2014, 8:22 AM edit delete reply
And since I don't remember it either, majority (that is to say, two to one) want to hear the story again. So while it would still be immodest, it would not be boring.
andreas002 5th Aug 2014, 9:02 AM edit delete reply
I tried googling this site for "Kynrasian lich" and didn't find it. So you can make that 3 people that want to hear it.
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 9:23 AM edit delete reply
I remember! You used teleportation/time travel to lock him in a vault (king's vault?) after tricking him in to it.
you know that guy 6th Aug 2014, 1:20 AM edit delete reply
Time travel never works, except for when it already has worked, in which case it always works.
Bombom13 6th Aug 2014, 11:31 AM edit delete reply
I must say that I too am intrigued by this long forgotten story. Wouldst thou be so kind as to recount it for us once again?
Kynrasian 6th Aug 2014, 7:30 PM edit delete reply
Okay, seeing as most either haven't heard the story or have forgotten it, here comes the epic digitally remastered 3d remake ;p

So, we'd been trying to clear our names for regicide and during our attempts we ended up briefly allying with a lich who had been our enemy in the previous arc, but "brief" turned into "indefinite" after we had to track down the real conspirators in the plot to kill the king. During one such detour I had managed to learn that the lich wanted to collect a special time-travelling dealy locked in the vault. Thankfully I'd had two of my own and our quarry had led me to believe that the lich was already about to break in and claim them, so naturally I used one of mine to grab the other two from the vault.

After dealing with the king's assassins we made one last detour to collect his phylactery before confronting him and proving he was a lich, but he'd finally had enough of us and decided the time to enact his master plan had come. When we reached him, he had killed the king's bastard son (because for some reason while not kingslayers ourselves apparently we ARE heralds of their immenent demise). As we learned earlier, it took a drop of blood from each of our characters, plus the king, to open the vault. The lich had given us a beating last time and although on his own this time I didn't want to chance it so when he offered to let us have whatever else we wanted from the vault in return for helping him open it, without telling the lich, I allowed our halfling rogue to take my time travel doohickeys and my bag of holding so he could go back in time and then do what comes naturally when you're left alone in a vault full of goodies with two bags of holding.

Cut back to the present day and to all our perceptions the rogue never disappeared and no-one but me and him knew that his bags were stuffed with the entire contents of the vault. So I agreed to open the door and asked the others to trust me on this one. We give him the blood drops, door swings open, nothing inside except the lich's phylactery, where it's been ever since the rogue first saw inside the vault. Needless to say the lich wasn't amused by our antics and so he dragged me into the vault with him, after which the rogue immediately slammed the door shut behind us and used the last of the time travel macguffins to get me out of there.

So now there's a lich sitting in an indestructable, unteleportable vault without so much as a book to read and we didn't even have to use violence. I even kept the very last of the time travel things, so we might be able to pay him a visit one day.
kriss1989 5th Aug 2014, 7:13 AM edit delete reply
In our 4E campaign, the cleric once stole the pants off of a NPC rogue ally. I am not even being metaphorical. And she did it so well he never even noticed.

And that is how our cleric acquired pants of holding, and solidified her Neutral alignment.
Digo 5th Aug 2014, 8:19 AM edit delete reply
Pants of holding sound like it would be really comfortable to wear.
FanOfMostEverything 5th Aug 2014, 8:30 AM edit delete reply
As long as the magic is limited to the pockets. Otherwise, your ankles would never come out the other end!
Chakat Firepaw 5th Aug 2014, 10:12 AM edit delete reply
Well, actually the 'of holding' part is for something else. Although most still aren't big enough for a Winger whamadoodle.
Digo 5th Aug 2014, 10:21 AM edit delete reply
Now there's an interesting word for it.
you know that guy 6th Aug 2014, 1:22 AM edit delete reply
I heard in Britain, they call pants trousers, and call underpants pants. So, British pants of holding would have a different purpose from pants of holding.
Codeman 6th Aug 2014, 2:10 PM edit delete reply
So that's how Guybrush Threepwood fit all that stuff in his pockets.
Hubris Plus 5th Aug 2014, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
The party was on a mission to drum up support amongst the various races to defend the continent against an invasion. We'd managed to talk a few giant clans into joining on the grounds of "hey, you wanna punch stuff?", but the more civilized Cloud Giants were proving more reticent. The Cloud King insists that the affairs of the ground are no concern of his. His son seems more willing, if only to prove himself in battle.

The party retreats to a secluded part of the castle and immediately starts conspiring to assassinate the king and blame it on the invaders.

This being a delicate political mission, no one expected my Drunken Master to be of much help. They were fine with me staying in the grand hall to party it up.

It was at this point that I had an idea.

While everyone else was sorting out how to kill a giant without being obvious about it, I jump onto the King's table. I swagger up to him with my best drunken grin and proclaim:

"I bet that I can finish one of your mighty glasses" *Points to a barrel with a handle nailed on* "Before you can drain this little bottle." *Holds up bottomless decanter of wine* "You win, we trouble you no more and give you all the gold in our holds. I win, you commit your army to a truly grand battle."

It took a hell of a bluff and diplomacy roll, but he goes for it. He takes my bottle between his thumb and forefinger, I heave up his mug, and we both start drinking.

And drinking.

And drinking.

By the time I finish my Int has dropped to the point that I'll be incapable of speech until I sober up. His has dropped so far that he hasn't spotted the trick and KEEPS DRINKING. He eventually passes out, and I follow suit soon after.

When we wake, he's nursing the biggest hangover of his life and I, having a monk's poison immunity, am fresh as a daisy. The rest of the party has returned since then, and together we manage to talk him into signing on to the war before he realizes what I'd done.

Drunken Master may not have much going for it stats-wise, but it makes for one hell of a roleplay.
Digo 5th Aug 2014, 8:21 AM edit delete reply
Oooh, that's a nice ploy you pulled off. :D
MasterTreeScout 5th Aug 2014, 10:59 AM edit delete reply
That's so cool. It sounds like a story that might be told in mythology.
you know that guy 6th Aug 2014, 1:04 AM edit delete reply
It WAS a story told in mythology. Thor visited the Frost Giants and lost to them in at least three rigged contests. He tried to drink a horn of mead, but only lowered it by an inch. It was actually the ocean. He tried to wrestle their frail old grandmother, and barely lost. She was death.

This was way before the time he crossdressed to get Mjollnir back.
Random Lurker 6th Aug 2014, 7:56 AM edit delete reply
I thought the lady was old age. And didn't he only do the wrestling challenge, and two other gods tried the other ones? I know that Loki lost in a foot race against someone who was actually the speed of thought.
CrowMagnon 6th Aug 2014, 5:48 PM edit delete reply
I remember one of them losing in an eating contest to a guy who turned out to be fire.
aerion111 7th Aug 2014, 10:17 PM edit delete reply
I'm pretty sure Thor did the drinking, and possibly the wrestling.
Other gods did the others, yes.
I like the story because it feels like a brilliant example for why I call Thor a 'Jock'; You can easily see a 'quarterback' getting tricked into rigged bets of similar nature and then getting pissed off and/or have his image soiled.

I do have the story somewhere in my room, but my tiny 'library' is a mess, so I couldn't find it.
Raxon 5th Aug 2014, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
Showing up an npc? Yeah, I got one for ya, from our old buddy Raxon. Once upon a time, there was this sword mage type dude, bragged he could kill any other mage in a battle. Raxon stepped forward, being a very cocky, arrogant, and relatively unknown, but absolutely, indisputably powerful young mage, all hopped up on destiny, and having essentially a 1d2 hit die per level.

Glass cannon is an understatement of biblical proportions. And Raxon, typical of himself in his youth, mocks the old mage, and decides to, rather than actually fight, just show off and dick with him. The older wizard, while in no way endearing to anyone, quickly became the subject of laughter as Raxon summoned pillows to knock him off guard and basically stunlock him with cheap tricks. The older wizard shows off his formidable elemental spells, and Raxon shows just how much respect he has for that. The more famous wizard attacks with a fireball, he retaliates by poking him with a lit candle.

When assailed by wind, he waves a paper fan. When struck at by a flood, he grasps his hands together, dips them in the water, and squirts the guy. A mighty earthquake rips the ground asunder, and stone spikes reach out to skewer him. He avoids them and throws a pebble which harmlessly bounces off the guy's face.

Raxon spams teleport, and at one point, grabs a pretty girl from the audience, whispers something into her ear, and grins as she holds on to him for dear life. So he now has one arm around her, so as to weaken his spells that require hand gestures. And then he teleports the mage's wallet into his hand, and starts firing coins at him, one at a time. When he runs out, the mage gets teleported five feet off the ground, and he falls to land hard.

This happens repeatedly until he sprains his ankle and falls prone, and then he really starts taking damage from this. Raxon finishes by sundering the older mage's gear, which leaves him weak, vulnerable, and far too dazed to fight back.

This was all at level eight, by the way. A very short range teleport spell is essentially a free action for him. There you have it, showing someone up, humiliating them, and being an all around grandstanding, showboating jackass while doing it.

Such great power gained so quickly didn't drive him mad, but it didn't do him any favors, psychologically speaking.
Bronymous 5th Aug 2014, 7:56 AM edit delete reply
I'm kind of disappointed that second to last panel isn't "But that's none of my business."
Adens 5th Aug 2014, 8:26 AM edit delete reply
Except that, as the sixth element of harmony, it actually is her business if they recognize the other five.
FanOfMostEverything 5th Aug 2014, 8:33 AM edit delete reply
Whatever are you talking about? Dainty Dove isn't the Bearer of Generosity. That title belongs to some seamstress in the boonies.
SampleText 6th Aug 2014, 7:57 AM edit delete reply
But her cover "Dainty Dove" is not an element of harmony
guy 5th Aug 2014, 7:57 AM edit delete reply
Well, there was the time that my 18 charisma 18 wisdom trained in heal hammadryad paladin tried to convince a village that was being ravaged by a degenerative illness to, y'know, start basic quarantine and other medical protocol, and the rest of the players and the DM looked at me like I was an idiot.
I was then unanimously overruled on the grounds that the game was set in a fantasy world, and so no-one was allowed to use anything even remotely scientific in nature.
But I suppose that story doesn't count, because they didn't listen to me.
I'm not bitter though.
Sure, I only played broken strikers and controllers with 8 or lower charisma from that point on, but that is totally unrelated.
Draxynnic 5th Aug 2014, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
By my understanding, the general concept behind quarantine was well understood in the Middle Ages. They may not have understood how, but they certainly knew that staying around people who had certain illnesses was only for the brave and foolish.

I don't know what you're 'other medical protocol' represents, but while a lot of stuff was primitive, people back then (who were trained in this stuff) did know more than they're often given credit for. They may not have had scientific backing, but they did have generations of observing what did and didn't help.
guy 5th Aug 2014, 9:02 AM edit delete reply
Oh, by that I just meant keeping things clean and proper use of healing and disease prevention rituals, not X-rays and MRIs.
What they really objected to was my call for organization.
Timothy 5th Aug 2014, 12:41 PM edit delete reply
...Observing what does and does not work and then writing that down is like literally the basis for all science.
Paradox 5th Aug 2014, 2:42 PM edit delete reply
If they try that again, point out to them that literally every (non-magical) thing is science

Refining ore and forging it into a weapon? Military science

cutting wood into boards and making it into a house? structural engineering

tying a pointy rock to the end of a stick? That's technology, and therefore science

Farming? You can bet that's a science

Even in a fantasy world, science is everywhere
Disloyal Subject 5th Aug 2014, 5:18 PM Sufficiently Analyzed Magic edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
And magic can be too, especially in the hands of wizards. They consistently reproduce given spells' effects, after all - when a wizard prepares and casts a Fireball, they don't get a Cone of Cold.
I'll just leave this here.
Specter 6th Aug 2014, 4:50 PM edit delete reply
Even back in the medieval era, even a number of peasants knew that our scalps (or whatever is under our hair)opens up when we bathe (which led to a lot of them to not clean themselves during the black plague), many more knew just how bad meat could get. Heck, this was the time we had those masked (and long nosed mask) witch doctors.

In the mindset of Dr. Javolt, "SCIENCE!"
Mykin 5th Aug 2014, 8:32 AM edit delete reply
First of all, I wanted to thank Spud and Friendship is Magic for helping me overcome my anxiety and start playing DnD again. It's been fun and I don't think I would of had this story without him and the comic to give me that extra push.

Now with that out of the way, I was playing an online game when the discussion of DnD got brought up and a few guildies and I decided to try and run a group through roll20. For our test run, we decided to play "We be Goblins" and I got Poog the Cleric to mess around with. For those not in the know, We be Goblins starts off with the grand goblin tradition of holding random contests to determine who would get what items for their quest to get fireworks. And I was failing horribly in every single one of them that I was trying. At least until the hide and seek game.

Now, Poog has the lowest bonus to hide and everyone else had gotten high numbers. So the chances of me winning this last contest was pretty much nill...until I got a natural 20. By the power of Zarongel (The God of Burning Things), Poog did some fancy hand signs and literally disappeared from sight. What was hilarious was that everyone else got found except for Poog, who decided to rub it in everyone's faces and didn't reappear until the chief held out his prize. He then reappeared right next to the chief and took the ring of climbing really good....In hindsight, it was the worst gift we could of bestowed onto my cleric. But he definitely earned it since he literally beat the group's rogue in his own game. Of course, he went back to sucking at everything else, but still.
Crazy Tom 5th Aug 2014, 10:51 AM edit delete reply
That's a great story! Glad you were able to enjoy some DnD!
Stavaros-the-arcane 5th Aug 2014, 7:34 PM edit delete reply
Ah man I love We Be Goblins. That module is just tons of fun. And yes the random contests of awesomeness are always fun. I played it a few years ago and I think that I too was playing Poog the Cleric (unless the names aren't pre-made but I remember being the cleric). I'm trying to remember which contests I won... I know I won a drinking contest and got some sort of mug helmet from it. And I tried riding a pig and complained in character that someone was trying to cheat me or something. I killed a horse later on in the adventure. Good times.
Mykin 6th Aug 2014, 3:47 PM edit delete reply
Yea, the name is the same. As for contests, I remember the pig contest quite well. Our rogue almost fell off, getting the saddle to slide to the side so he kept getting kicked in the face by the pig for the whole duration he managed to stay on...though he didn't have any teeth left after all of that. The slug eating contest was funny also, since the winner not only ate it all, but managed to spit out the poison gland into the mouths of a couple of goblins looking on, killing them. I don't think you can run We Be Goblins and not have a good time with it.
Kaleopolitus 5th Aug 2014, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
Kind of a weird version, but I think it applies.

So, I was DMing and my group reached the palace of someone known only as the Merchant Prince (MP), whom was the most influential individual out of all the houses in that particular city state. Anyway, the group needed help. Lots of it too, as there's an impending demon invasion and they can't prevent it. So the diplomacy begins, all goes quite well, I play MP as a particularly haughty fellow. Think of this:

The resident mage, he did NOT like that. Very quickly he started to turn the conversation into a pissing context, despite the attempts of the 3 other players to keep it on track towards getting his aid.

So, as this character is a lower rank noble of a large empire, he starts to taunt the MP with his 'vast wealth and power', which only causes laughter and amusement. From the group. The player gets more and more flustered and tries his best to roleplay this wise and clever guy and make good quips but the other players gang up with the MP and start to tear his (very poor) arguments apart until finally he storms out of the palace in rage. At the end of it, I have the MP be very amused with the event and so he declares that the party be in his good favors.

I told the mage player that I was sorry for the situation, but also told him that he caused it every step of the way... Which prompted everyone to laugh, him included. It turned out they had been QUITE devious. This was the party's ploy all along, sacrifice one member to get the rest into the good graces.. and I fell into it nose first. I've never again been as impressed with them.
Zuche 5th Aug 2014, 7:39 PM edit delete reply
I applaud. To be outplayed in such an entertaining and clever fashion is a privilege.
Abraman 5th Aug 2014, 9:11 AM edit delete reply
I'm guessing that if the nobles are smart, they're going to ask where the sixth element is.
Mykin 5th Aug 2014, 9:52 AM edit delete reply
Assuming they're not already bending over backwards mentally in an attempt to try and get out of the mess they perceive themselves to be in. Though now that you've brought it up, I am interested in seeing how Rarity handles being called out for being the sixth Element of Harmony.
Tatsurou 5th Aug 2014, 11:15 AM edit delete reply
Fancy Pants: You seem well acquainted with them, Dainty Dove. Might you, in fact, be Rarity, the sixth Element Bearer?
Rarity: I wish you wouldn't make that connection.
Fancy Pants: Why? Is there a secret there?
Rarity: Of course there is. You yourself know how stressful the life and obligations of a noble can be. Compared to that, being a seamstress in a comparatively unknown town is a relief. However, now that 'Rarity' has become a greatly important celebrity herself, my own name of Dainty Dove has become the persona I retreat to in order to relax out of the public eye.
Fancy Pants: ...I see...
Rarity: Of course, I'm sure I can trust my fellow nobles to spread my dreadful secret, right?

AJ: Oh come on, now. With how back biting nobles are-

Rarity: *giggle* Besides, who would believe it?

RD: ...oh. So that's how you awesome as a social rogue.
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 9:20 AM edit delete reply
1-up story. This will bring back memories.

I remember a time a few months ago when a group I was with were playing a HUGE story driven plot, and needed to actually remember all of this (no knowledge roles if we have already learned of it in game). Don't get me wrong, we messed up a lot from lack of remembering, and got in trouble a few times (which led to a few untimely deaths, but thankfully the DM never expected us to remember anything, and always had skill based ways we could escape as well).

After a few in game months (we sort of marathon-ed it since we had a few days to do what ever), we came to what was the equivalent of the Aztec temples for a little Indiana excursion. Little did I know, the rest of the team figured out that the Aztec like people did sacrifices, and they voted me if it ever came to that (Why do I like playing the bard).

When it came to the eventual riddle of the game, everyone was ready to stab me in the back, except one member who remembered we brought actual life-stock so we could survive out here, and told the DM he would kill one.

The DM actually looked a little surprised at the statement and said "...No.".


He rolled a luck check (D100), and crited. The DM never looked at him the same way again, and I thought it would be harder to show the DM just how smart we were.
Disloyal Subject 5th Aug 2014, 9:31 AM Talking your way in Deeper edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
One DM was fond of the 'You All Meet in Jail' opening. (Too many Elder Scrolls games, if you ask me.) When my Githyanki Ultimate Magus verbally strongarmed the guard sergeant into listening to me oudo him at law by listing all the legitimate legal reasons they had no grounds to arrest me (ironically, the party member who most deserved to be locked up), he actually listened (I had something like +17 on my social rolls at level 9) and then outdid me in turn by having his men physically strongarm me into the cell, throwing rules to the wind because he knew I was guilty.
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 1:58 PM edit delete reply
They say that if you can't prove they did it, then you can't do anything about.

Obviously someone hasn't seen Law Abiding Citizen.
Disloyal Subject 5th Aug 2014, 8:06 PM Do Gith have an Irish Mob? edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
By modern law, certainly. This guy was wise enough to ignore that and lock me up. I think he might have had his boys rough me up a little, too, but they were grumpy xenophobes and I assume that I really had it coming.
I preferred Ordinary Decent Criminal anyway.
Soletta 5th Aug 2014, 10:08 AM edit delete reply
We were celebrating a festival in an Exalted campaign, and my Night Caste Nisha (sneaky stealth assassins normally) decided to just party and dance instead of getting involved in any of the competions.

So the GM decided to have a random woman approach Nisha and challenge her to a dance off. Now Nisha isn't too good at performance, but she has great Dexa and is an Exalt. The oppenent is a professional dancer with a couple of performing boosting artifacts. The GM thought it would be a fairly even contest, maybe a challange.

Thing to remember. In Exalted, you can describe what you are doing to gain extra dice (d10 system). This lead to his downfall. See the GM may have forgotten, but I danced from the age of 5 and a half til 18. Oh good god could I pull all of the cliches and background knowledge to do not one but several dances.

I kicked such ass (admittedly due to a couple of lucky rolls as well) that I got a two points of reputation as a dance in one session.

I may have then preceeded to get my oppenent drunk and nick all her stuff :)
Pseudonym Sam 5th Aug 2014, 11:12 AM edit delete reply
In a Savage Worlds sci-fi campaign, my character has a habit of one-upping her superior officers. This is the first game session.

Two warring human star nations (an empire and a republic) are planning an armistice conference. Unidentified aliens attack, and our party (a mixed bag of humans and aliens from both factions) is tasked with questioning alien prisoners captured from their raid. I'm playing as Sister Superior Octavia Seraphina Adrastia, an angry jetpack battle nun from the imperial faction, inspired by Warhammer 40k Sisters of Battle.

Our NPC Captain (from the republic) leads us to the first cell. He opens the door-I JETPACK INSIDE AND PUNCH THE ALIEN IN THE FACE! I deal enough damage to one-hit K.O. the prisoner, and shout at his unconscious body in English and Latin; the rest of the party stands in stunned silence. After I realize the alien "has elected to lose consciousness," our exasperated Captain draws a gun on me and tells me not to pull a stunt like that again. He rolls Intimidation against my Spirit.

I just smile sweetly, unfazed.

We move on to the next prisoner; the NPC Captain stands in front of the door while opening it, so I can't rocket in again. I let him interrogate. He points his gun at the alien's face and punches him several times, but nothing he can do get's the alien to talk. "Is that the best you've got?" the alien taunts, conveniently speaking English.

"Would you like me to punch him, Captain?" I ask.

He hesitates, then tells me to give the alien a "love tap."

I nod, go to the door, and tell the guards outside to open it. "What for?" they ask.

"A running start."

I exit, then rocket back in and punch the alien in the face! I deal ludicrous damage again which knocks him out in one hit. I calmly summon a medic to revive the alien, after which I rough him up some more and put the FEAR OF GOD into him (ETERNAL DAMNATION in the BURNING FIRES OF HELL will be paradise compared to FIVE MINUTES with ME!). It doesn't take long before he cracks and answers every question.

Our NPC Captain is feeling rather annoyed. "Imperial tool," he mutters as we leave the cell after the interrogation.

I overhear him. "Better an Imperial tool that works than a Republican fool that doesn't," I reply.

Some enterprising fellow uploaded the security camera footage of my angry nun rocket-punching aliens (and later exploits throughout the campaign) to the internet. My character is now the inadvertent star of a viral SPACE!YouTube series, "Jet Pack Battle Babes on Fire."

She does not approve of the title.
Zuche 5th Aug 2014, 7:45 PM edit delete reply
Ahahahahaahh... I want my ribs back.
CmndrHurricane 5th Aug 2014, 11:34 AM edit delete reply
this might not really be in theme with todays storytime, butI finally had my first tabletop rpg session. played <i>Maid</i>.
the start was alot of average everyday things that we somehow failed miserably. but about halfway through we had to pick up a package by the harbour, but a big storm/flood happened so me being an alien able to fly, I was the only one able to get there, though I carried another while the third person stayed at base. <i>never split the party</i>
then a random event happened.
a gigantic meteor landed by our mansion and a big 100 ft magical golem stepped out and started crushing everything. the ensuing battle that the one guy still at base had was amazing since he really couldn't do anything right. litterally at the last moment he found som NPC military to shoot anti-tank rockets at it's only weakspot. then it fell forward, crushing the entire base as well as our NPC boss.
on the other side of the party, after getting struck by lightning just a few times, it turns out the harbour is flooded, and our contacts for the package are somewhere in the water, dead with sickly green skin. and here we had to stop

so at the end of the day. our mansion is crushed, the boss is either dead or in coma, and 2 of the partymembers might got in contact with a deadly infectious virus. yay for cliffhangers!
Curb 5th Aug 2014, 1:03 PM edit delete reply
I swear I can hear the smug in Rarity's voice as she drops that last line...and I love it!

As for 1-up stories, don't have any really. The two major DM/GMs I played with made sure we could never outdo their Perfect NPCs...god, both of those guys were jerks behind the screen.

OH, side note! My D20 MLP RPG has a proper title now, Tales of Equestria!!
Disloyal Subject 5th Aug 2014, 8:16 PM U Mad Pony? edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Smug? Oh my, no... But I do detect an underundercurrent of satisfaction, right underneath the mockery underneath the innocent reminder of just who they're dealing with.
The smugness is there, of course, but I rather doubt Rarity would be so crass as to telegraph it like that when it's so hilariously obvious anyway.
Porphyrogenitus 5th Aug 2014, 1:16 PM Nobody trumps the Imperial Inquisition! edit delete reply
Playing Dark Heresy, especially after you've been in a campaign for a while and have advanced within the Ordos, certain approaches to investigation really lend themselves to one-upping NPCs.

Tech Priest, formerly an Acolyte but elevated to Inquisitor status by a high-ranking Inquisitor on the sly in order to investigate corruption within the Ordos themselves.

He was called in for an interview with an Interrogator (a relatively high-ranking Acolyte, sort of like an Inquisitor-in-training). The guy was hostile, and was only aware of the Tech Priest's Acolyte status.

Prior to going into the interview, the guy's guards try to disarm the Tech Priest. He lets them take his obvious weapons (a Plasma Pistol and an Inferno Pistol), and then heads on in. The Interrogator starts out all hostile and aggressive, making accusations and such and throwing around threats and hostility.

After a few minutes of this, the Tech Priest simply pulls out his Rosette and tosses it on the table, then draws his other Inferno Pistol from the hidden holster built into his leg and points it at the guy.

After explaining his true rank and making the Interrogator practically wet himself both from staring down the barrel of an anti-tank pistol at ~1m range, and from realizing that he'd been railing against a full-on Inquisitor and running his mouth off to the point where he could reasonably expect to be taken away for purification and rendered into a servitor (assuming he was lucky), the Tech Priest then offered him an out.

From that point on, the Tech Priest owned his very own Interrogator (who happened to be in the retinue of one of the Inquisitors he wanted to investigate for possible corruption).

Of course, anyone who's played a Dark Heresy campaign where they operate with some level of subtlety without going full dark probably has quite a few comparable stories.
MirrorImage 5th Aug 2014, 2:56 PM edit delete reply
Have you ever considered what happens when you give a Magical Creature an orb that negates all Magic of the creature holding it and his items?

Our party's job was to escort some group in possession of this orb to some ruins. This whole campaign revolved more or less around dragons (less specifically, Bahamut and Tiamut).

When we reached the ruins, a fully grown dragon pops out of a nearby cave, lands in front of us, and demands that we leave him the orb or be eaten. By this point, we had well established the effects of the orb, even though we hadn't been actually told it. So while the rest of the party is trying to decide how to best handle this situation, my character has a brief moment of inspiration:

"What happens to the Magical dragon when he touches the Anti-Magic orb?"

We set the orb down, quickly and silently arrange a surprise attack, and when the dragon grabs the orb with his front claws, we all charge. The dragon attempts to counter attack with a dragon breath, but instead all he manages to do is dry-heave.

Did I mention I was playing the quint-essential Barbarian with a dump stat in Intelligence? I managed to pass this off in character as being an act of Wisdom instead ("Wait... Dragon is magic, but orb stop magic... So orb stop dragon?")
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 4:26 PM edit delete reply
reasoning with wisdom instead of your intelligence, a classic. And probably the most broken rule you can use to understand something.

Nicely played.
Disloyal Subject 5th Aug 2014, 8:27 PM Brutally Cunnin' or Cunnin'ly Brutal? edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
How is it broken? Int helps you learn faster, Wis helps you reason. Isn't that how it works?
I much prefer Barbarians with high mental stats, myself, though I do have a couple fun exceptions in my Big Binder o' Characters.
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 9:37 PM edit delete reply
I once claimed my animal companion knew how to garden, and even though he said that Int. would be needed (2), I persuaded him to let Wis. be his gardening attribute instead (16).
daftdeafdave 5th Aug 2014, 3:05 PM edit delete reply
In a pulpy savage worlds one shot the DM threw together I played a character called Idaho Smith. I'd statted him out to have the same sort of skill set as Indiana Jones (as the name might indicate) but it meant spreading his points very thinly. Poor Idaho wasn't nearly the swashbuckling man of action his namesake apart from for one occasion.

Idaho Smith had a talent for killing Nazis.

Towards the end of the campaign the DM sicced a mecha Hitler on us. Hitlerbot had already killed one member of our group in the opening barrage in which he was introduced and none of us (even the ludicrously minmaxed berserker oven robot) could seem to dent his power armor. None of us, that is, apart from Idaho Smith whose dice would not stop exploding. He dropped Mecha Hitler in two shots and then went right back to being useless again as if nothing had happened.

We wrote extra damage vs Nazis on his character sheet after that.
Locue 5th Aug 2014, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
Well, less a one up and more of a party pooper moment, but one time our party was adventuring through the temple of the gnomish trickster god.

Having taken out most of the traps, (and saving a few petrified cream pies) we got to a courthouse scene. The defendant was on trial for murdering golems, and we were supposed to figure out whodunit.

My cleric stepped up in the middle of opening statements and cast "Zone of Truth."

This pissed off the trickster god masquerading as the defendant, but he cheered up when we gave him an exploding cigar.
Specter 5th Aug 2014, 4:31 PM edit delete reply

... :)

I think Disney has had many tales like this, except a little closer to the edge then times like this.
Guest 5th Aug 2014, 7:17 PM Appreciator of facial funnies edit delete reply
The choices for Rarity's panels conjoined with her dialogue are pure gold, well done! :D
Guest 5th Aug 2014, 9:10 PM edit delete reply
Free *rein*.
"But I'm sure you already knew that."

Seriously, I don't get how, with all the Prances and Saddle Arabias and Manehattans, people get a horse-related term wrong.
Newbiespud 6th Aug 2014, 12:24 AM edit delete reply
I'll freely admit, that's one I wasn't aware of.

Although a bit of Googling slightly vindicates me. Even though rein is the correct word here, reign is such a common error (about 5/11) that most people don't even blink. Nonetheless, I know better now. Thanks.
Ishidan 5th Aug 2014, 11:16 PM edit delete reply
And then Celestia drops by to address her six guests...barely catching (or maybe totally missing, for real fun) a hint not to call them by name...

And of course Fancy Pants knew all along that Dainty Dove was a cover identity straight from the Guild, I'm sure. He was very careful in his phrasing-he had checked her bone fides (without going into detail about what his check turned up), and IF there was a fake, it was as good as one from the ECC...well better be, since it IS one from the ECC.
you know that guy 6th Aug 2014, 1:12 AM edit delete reply
I'd just like to congratulate Spud for once again tweaking the plot of MLP FiM to make it teach the same lesson as the original but in a non-anvilicious way.
On second thought, this only applies if the original lesson wasn't "don't be ashamed of your friends" but "don't make fun of strangers"
Bombom13 6th Aug 2014, 11:58 AM edit delete reply
To be fair, My Little Pony's morals are supposed to be anvillicious, for the sake of clarity for youngsters.
Ruteuf 6th Aug 2014, 3:28 AM edit delete reply
Well, I was playing a con artist/street performer in Call of Cthulhu. The group had split up and I was left with a history professor we fondly called the Tweed Warrior. We were trying to find information on some kidnapped children and decided since he had the better chance of being known, he'd do the talking. Well according to the dice, the local police had no idea who he was. On the off chance, I did a fast talk roll saying that we were asked to investigate strange goings on by a professor at Miskatonic. I rolled a 1 (in CoC, in case you don't know, the dice roll goal is to get the lowest percentile that you can). This was to the detective in charge of the case. I felt the need to apologize to the Tweed Warrior after we left the station.
TheStratovarian 6th Aug 2014, 3:56 AM A Triple Instance. edit delete reply
Funny enough, this actually happened in last saturday's game. And this, being, well, CMC Troop #185, well.. Lets start on the three aspects..

On the first side, Shady Simile, unicorn, and bearer of loyalty.

The second Torchlight, earth pony, and Gin Gear, pegasus, bearer of Generosity.

The third, Moon dancer, Kelpie, and bearer of Kindness.

Red Robin, Pegasus,Bearer of laughter was out sadly to work, and oakheart, Pegasus, had to step out sadly early as well. Twilight of course, still had magic. And fighting to stave off a war.

At the start, shady, managing to well, be shady, (We all think there's some pinkie in his lineage somewhere along the way.) Managed to epically bungle a bit of a light magic in what we didn't know was a changeling hive, as we searched for the Element of Honesty. (Having the rest of the party already bonded to the others as above.) The bungle, turned clear sight from the hole gin blasted in from above, to murky vision. (We lost about half our sight radius.)

Shady, promptly panicked, and ran in one direction, with gin in tow on his back. From that, they met the first changeling, and managing to get and find the first, alert changeling drone when, in taking directions from gin, they ran into a wall. Torchlight, quickly ran off after them, splitting the party even further... Shady channeling the local chaos field apparently, managed to someone get a drone, stuck, horn first in a wall, where, torchlight, having caught up, sat on the changeling for information.

Moon dancer, having taken a different path, as he didn't catch which tunnel Torchlight had run off with, met with a changeling, 'on break', and relaxing, a short bit of a talk later, and he departed, down the path, having named that particular changeling. Cue back to the trio, and having exhausted their guard for information, tried to sneak past some guards, and succeeded. Until shady decided he wanted to explore, and promptly managed a teleport.... right into the princesses quarters.. A short and unpleasant scuffle later, shady is in jail. Leaving them to try and figure a way to get in and talk to the princess from the stern looking guards.

Moon dancer, now, was following a pretty set path, and stumbled onto a second changeling, whom he again talked and charmed to the right path into the mess hall.. Where most of the swarm was waiting for food. Not a single changeling bothered him as he went into the kitchen, and further on for his quest for the library. Passing by a hilarious looking changeling, he arrived finally at the library, as gin and torch finished hatching their plan, and ambushed a changeling.

In a very one-sided fight, they sent the drone down and out into lala land by having him faceplant into a stalagmite. Shady, now looking about in his prison, was poking and prodding things in a very methodical means, curious to his where-abouts from the meeting of royalty. Moon, at this time, went about meeting and charming both librarians, talking to them over a variety of things, and getting poked and prodded at their first sight of 'a pony' which was a fascinating new sight for them.

As the second group was having trouble trying to get past their equivalent of changeling royal guards. Moon dancer did his suave charm, and got them to summon a drone to escort them into see the princess. And with him on enroute, (and having given a name to both of the librarians) met back up with gin and torchlight to meet the princess.. Someone who combined the selfishness of diamond tiara with the brains of a rock..

Gin, after the talks and the getting to this changeling princess (Moons one uppance), that the 'talking food' was useful for the pretty shinies she had, and could get her more. Did a moment of pure utter Bull harkey that was amazing (gin and torchlights Uppance). In getting her to see a bit of fulgurite the lightning cloud they had used to go out in the badlands. In exchange for getting to rifle through her collection for the chance of seeing honesty.

Shady, not to be outdone, about this time, had well... Discords own luck, and well.. Managed to melt the cocoon wall, and downright terrifying the royal guard standing out in what amounted to a "here's johnny" sombra moment. Picture a grey slate unicorn, eyes dancing with dark magic (the miscast) thats just stepping out of the wall, and grinning a slasher smile. The guard, ran like a freaking coward (Shady's Uppance)

And so ended one of the best 3 hour sessions i'd had in ages. And many smiles were shared at the unflappable dm we had to do this.
Trance 6th Aug 2014, 7:04 AM edit delete reply
Something sort of interesting like that happened at my last session. I've been playing a barbarian that likes to play the banjo, and hit people with it, named Brawn Joe. Anyway.

So our sniper rogue and warlock went out and got some shady jobs to hunt down and kill a couple of jerks. The main target was this noble in a nearby kingdom that had been going around and destroying people's homes for fun and leaving them homeless. But no one really knew where to find him or anything about him and all they had was a sketch. Then Brawn Joe walks up to them as they are trying to learn something about the guy from random people who have no clue, I take one look at the picture and roll knowledge nobility, get a 26 and I just immediately ask why they have a picture of the guy, tell them his name, where he lives, what he does every day of the week, who he mooches off of, and ask why they have a picture of the jerk. We haven't hunted him down yet, but it will be very easy.

It is good having odd skills and goofy characters... good and fun.
Boris Carlot 6th Aug 2014, 3:45 PM edit delete reply
Heh, I wound up doing something very similar in a recent session, though it was a Knowledge (Arcana) check. I put a skill point in it for backstory reasons but also because I wanted to allow something like that to happen, and it paid off beautifully :)
dracostarcloud 6th Aug 2014, 11:52 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, I have a point in Craft: Alchemy for RP reasons that paid off. We were at a dinner party trying to keep the guests from being poisoned and we found an empty vial with poison residue. While the rest of the party debated what to do with it, I asked if I could identify it, which I did.

About an hour, a few murders, and a fight with a Succubus later, I had me a new herald: an aludemon whose mom and Rakshasa dad I'd just helped to kill.

...good times. =D