Friendship is Dragons
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Page 501 - Cocoa Economy
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125 Comments:
Who of us hasn't used candy to represent our enemies? I like to use flat things like sweet tarts, tiny cookies, or other things, because I can add a bit of jelly on top to signify different enemies.
Anyone here familiar with gas spores? I represent them with a drop of green jelly, but it's not apple jelly, it's jalapeno.
EDIT: Also, in case you didn't see, thanks, Spud. I am honored that you saw fit to give me yellow text boxes. One of these days, I may have to record a monologue and put it on youtube for you. The audio quality will, naturally, be terrible, but it's the content that matters.
I've certainly done the enemy representation with candy. It's fun and the sugar high your players get afterwards is amusing.
When my dad used to DM, he'd often use M&Ms (or whatever other candy he could get his hands on) to represent monsters, and your reward for killing the monster was getting to eat it. Even though we use plastic tokens now, at least once a session someone is told, "Here, now you can eat it!" (Even my mom, not a gamer, knows that reference by now.)
I've done the candy thing. It got complicated after a math error caused an enemy to be eaten before he was dead.
Do pancakes count for this one? If not oh well I'm telling it anyway.
So I was in a joke campaign of Dark Heresy. I was playing Deadpool, our villain was Handsome Jack, and Inspector Gadget showed up at one point.
The first session went like this:
I was late because of a prior engagement, and had to Skype into the session from across the state. I made the skype call and asked to get filled in. They were searching for a Cult that as attracting away teenagers. That was about all they'd learned in an hour and a half of gaming. Otherwise they tooled around, no idea where to look for the cult.
Deadpool comes in, and says, "Okay. Let's make pancakes."
He makes pancakes for the entire town. There is a feast. He uses the feast as a pretext for fishing for information, allowing the more charismatic characters to find the information they need. After a half an hour, Deadpool has advanced the story by two hours. With pancakes.
The cult was attracting people with a game called Caverns and Cultists. While the rest of the party insisted on interrogating the doorman of the store they were in (who was just some guy they paid a few crowns to watch the door. Deadpool could tell as much and told them to have fun.)
Deadpool goes in, dressed in a polyester suit with a pocket protector, and wearing thick rimmed glasses over his body suit and mask.
Deadpool is not charismatic. Deadpool has a terrible bluff score. He passes, mostly because the cult leader thinks he has another sucker.
Deadpool is a blank. This means he is entirely unaffected by psychic powers. The cult leader (who is the DM of the game) is a psyker, who freak out when they're around Blanks.
Deadpool passes his Bluff check. He goes through the entire game, in this stupid outfit, making the DM think he's been dragged in, even though he's obviously a blank.
At the conclusion of the session of Caverns and Cultists, the DM says, "It's time for our weekly raid."
Deadpool says, "Oh, um, well, you see, my Tauren's on another server, so I can't go."
"It seems we have a spy among us."
"Uh...It's him! That Bill is a spy!" Deadpool points at a guy at the table named Bill. The DM is not convinced, so Deadpool pulls out his Shotgun (which he actually has the skills to hide) and shouts,
"SPY CHECK!" and blasts him full in the chest.
And crits. And crits again. And crits again. And kills the DM in a single blast.
The DM intended for that adventure to go for three sessions.
Deadpool ended it in an hour.
So I was in a joke campaign of Dark Heresy. I was playing Deadpool, our villain was Handsome Jack, and Inspector Gadget showed up at one point.
The first session went like this:
I was late because of a prior engagement, and had to Skype into the session from across the state. I made the skype call and asked to get filled in. They were searching for a Cult that as attracting away teenagers. That was about all they'd learned in an hour and a half of gaming. Otherwise they tooled around, no idea where to look for the cult.
Deadpool comes in, and says, "Okay. Let's make pancakes."
He makes pancakes for the entire town. There is a feast. He uses the feast as a pretext for fishing for information, allowing the more charismatic characters to find the information they need. After a half an hour, Deadpool has advanced the story by two hours. With pancakes.
The cult was attracting people with a game called Caverns and Cultists. While the rest of the party insisted on interrogating the doorman of the store they were in (who was just some guy they paid a few crowns to watch the door. Deadpool could tell as much and told them to have fun.)
Deadpool goes in, dressed in a polyester suit with a pocket protector, and wearing thick rimmed glasses over his body suit and mask.
Deadpool is not charismatic. Deadpool has a terrible bluff score. He passes, mostly because the cult leader thinks he has another sucker.
Deadpool is a blank. This means he is entirely unaffected by psychic powers. The cult leader (who is the DM of the game) is a psyker, who freak out when they're around Blanks.
Deadpool passes his Bluff check. He goes through the entire game, in this stupid outfit, making the DM think he's been dragged in, even though he's obviously a blank.
At the conclusion of the session of Caverns and Cultists, the DM says, "It's time for our weekly raid."
Deadpool says, "Oh, um, well, you see, my Tauren's on another server, so I can't go."
"It seems we have a spy among us."
"Uh...It's him! That Bill is a spy!" Deadpool points at a guy at the table named Bill. The DM is not convinced, so Deadpool pulls out his Shotgun (which he actually has the skills to hide) and shouts,
"SPY CHECK!" and blasts him full in the chest.
And crits. And crits again. And crits again. And kills the DM in a single blast.
The DM intended for that adventure to go for three sessions.
Deadpool ended it in an hour.
Chocolate coins wrapped in fake gold foil are good, though it was awkward when a lot of them had to be recalled a few years back. It's a shame when you can't trust a candy maker.
Still, watching players hoard piles of gold between battles was always amusing. Seeing that people tended to give the chocolate back after the game, I'm thinking it might be worth handing out some of the shiny stones you can find in bead shops.
Still, watching players hoard piles of gold between battles was always amusing. Seeing that people tended to give the chocolate back after the game, I'm thinking it might be worth handing out some of the shiny stones you can find in bead shops.
Bear in mind, this is coming from a guy who delights in eating undercooked meat. Avoid imported chinese food. Please take that to heart. I love chinese food, but at the very least, I would insist on cooking anything you get thoroughly.
Also, if you want shiny stones, go with dragon tears, the little flattened glass marbles used to decorate fish tanks.
Seconding on both counts. Those little marbles are dirt-cheap and look AWESOME. Plus, they come in every color you can imagine.
Here's a clumsy link to "Le Donjon de Naheulbeuk"'s wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_donjon_de_Naheulbeuk
To summarize, it's a series of audio sketches (and books) satirizing and celebrating fantasy roleplaying games, starring an extremely dysfunctional and stereotyped party of low-level adventurers. One of them is "The dwarf" (basically his actual name, because none of them have one.(Re: stereotypes))
The dwarf seems to only have one job in the party: to be the annoying, super-greedy jerk that everyone hates. For example, he joins the party specifically and only because his mere presence would make the Elf miserable. This is only important because from what he says, his entire behavior is the dwarven standard.
The creator of the series also wrote satirical songs, totaling at least a few albums. Between most of these songs, he inserted little fake advertisement jingles for in-universe products, one of which was about little dwarven candy named "Chianthos". Chianthos (a french pun mixing "Menthos" and "pissing people off") have the ability to make anyone as good at pissing people off as a true, good-old dwarf.
What I'm getting at, is that my DM included chianthos in one game. Each one consumed gave you a flat, temporary, stackable +1 bonus to EVERYTHING/ANYTHING, as long as you were trying to anger/annoy people in the least productive way with these newfound powers. (and also compelled you to be a total douche to everyone)
My brother's character, when we got to the point of gaining divine ranks, chose "chianthos" as one of his domains. He could create a handful of them at will. They were real and persistent, so you could stockpile/sell them and everything.
What happens when you eat about 5000 of those little balls of pure hate, with the express intent to piss the entire world off?
Not even gods can stop a +5000 bonus to whatever you want to anger them with. He outdrank the entire, combined dwarven race in a drinking contest. (to be fair, these dwarves weren't the ones from the universe where chianthos were created. They didn't have access to them.) I think it was thanks to chianthos that he managed to behead 76 million drow at once in a single epic great cleave, before murdering Lloth and pooping on her corpse (also he was a colossal dragon at this point, so you can imagine the size of the pile...)
...My brother's character was a very silly god. He didn't get many followers.
I have done this mostly to say I was here.
Now I'm going back to bed, story time later.
You pervert. You and those psychologists are all alike, showing me those pictures of dirty crystal hippies making out with innocent food, and having the nerve to ask what I see. GAH!
Seriously? This is like the third time I can remember someone has had a problem with my avatar. I question why I even try.
If you want me to change it, fine. Good bye changeling reaper, and hello... what ever the hell that is.
-Edit-
Sudden change of appearance = good or bad.
Specter, I'm pretty sure kriss' reaction was one of surprise, and you know Raxon likes to joke about those things. I'm pretty sure neither of them had a problem with that avatar.
I'll just change back to my other pic, and pretend nothing happened (assuming everyone else can do the same).
-Edit- Done.
Seriously, dude. Don't be afraid to call me out if my joke sucks. I won't get any better otherwise. Also, don't take me too seriously. Unless I state up front that I'm being serious, or 'no joke', you can generally assume I'm not being dead serious.
I like your new avatar. I assume you asked permission to use it as your avatar, right?
I could just make a custom one if it helps.
-Edit-
Ta-da.
Then again, I'm more known for searing penises into steaks when someone is being a jerk, so my artistic side has a different way of coming out.
As you can imagine, coming out is a very important thing to me.
Edit
And @Specter OMG usually means Oh My God or something similar it is mostly sarcastic like "OMG look at what she's wearing"
I killed the beast with my bear hands, and seared its flesh with flames. I tore out its bones and ground them into paste! Through water and ash, I wield the water that eats flesh, lye. I will pour the lye over the bones, and destroy all that is not collagen. I shall flay the collagen from the bone, and then scorch it in a noon sun. I will grind it into powder with stones, and then add water and color it with the blood of the most crimson of strawberries. Then, I will rip the skin from a banana and cut it apart, and add it into my creation of blood and bone!
I think I may have mentioned at least one of these before, but in the homebrew I'm subjecting my players to I have thrown a few food-based enemies.
After a night of drinking and partying with some pathfinder Amish, a PC and an NPC who dranks some wicked moonshine vomited it all up in the fields. The next morning, there was a mysterious pair of oozes for the PC's to deal with.
A little later, they crashed a party where fondue was being served and the witch cast purify food and drink on the cheese. I ruled that the cheese gained the quality and taste of frozen cheese and that it also gained consciousness, attacking the party guests while the PC's broke in the dungeon.
Finally, they came to a keep guarded by a Red Jester (awesome enemy) and his pair of bread golems. The bread golems were incredibly stale and had animated because they grew sentient tumors like the ones in TF2 that came from teleportation.
I also had a few enemies later made entirely of rock candy, but the party never tried them.
After a night of drinking and partying with some pathfinder Amish, a PC and an NPC who dranks some wicked moonshine vomited it all up in the fields. The next morning, there was a mysterious pair of oozes for the PC's to deal with.
A little later, they crashed a party where fondue was being served and the witch cast purify food and drink on the cheese. I ruled that the cheese gained the quality and taste of frozen cheese and that it also gained consciousness, attacking the party guests while the PC's broke in the dungeon.
Finally, they came to a keep guarded by a Red Jester (awesome enemy) and his pair of bread golems. The bread golems were incredibly stale and had animated because they grew sentient tumors like the ones in TF2 that came from teleportation.
I also had a few enemies later made entirely of rock candy, but the party never tried them.
Out of curiosity, just how did you get those bear hands?
It's a monk thing.
Okay then. Just that I'm reminded of this guy who tells a story about killing a grizzly with his bare hands, who subsequently wears a pair of bear hands when he wantsvan excuse to telling the story.
The "add water" step is quite a bit more time consuming than than it would seem.
That makes me think of codename Kids next door's candy pirates. Now, I'm imagining a KND pathfinder game, working out the weapons alone would be a huge chore
Conversely, DM's don't like it when players insist on derailing the campaign because they because they want to do shenanigans. It is entirely possible (and in my opinion, more fulfilling) to have fun within the rules.
Note that I'm not saying that you should follow the railroad tracks (in fact, i recommend trying to tear tracks up with the tools available), just that its in poor taste to declare you secretly had a jetpack the whole time.
Note that I'm not saying that you should follow the railroad tracks (in fact, i recommend trying to tear tracks up with the tools available), just that its in poor taste to declare you secretly had a jetpack the whole time.
So what modifies a candy roll, anyway? Charisma? Dexterity? Is it a touch attack? I find myself oddly intrigued by this.
Well, pretty sure Pinkie's dex is quite high. I think it would be a grapple check, since she bowled Twi over.
Man, the number of checks and saves you could attach to a single item can be fun, huh?
Sick, but happy.
Clearly a Candy Roll is either a Diplomacy or an Intimidation check to manipulate someone into dropping moar sweet loot. Circumstance modifiers may apply for the costume...
You should be rolling a d100.
Ohhhh... How about a luck domain cleric spell that's basically create food and water, except a lottery, where if you're very lucky, you could win a lifetime supply of celestial food?
Considering that this is a domain spell, I would think you could begin using it once per day very early. Normally, you have a 50% chance of getting a standard meal of rations. You have a 5% chance of getting nothing. You have a 5% chance of getting nothing and losing all your domain spells for the day. You have a 1% chance of gaining summon food as an at will free action spell-like ability, with unlimited uses, and the ability to choose what kind of food you get. Others would be little, unimportant changes, like getting half a ration, or receiving two rations. Or getting a candy bar or some other additional little treat.
Yes, I like this spell idea very much.
I once got an apple on Halloween. I melted caramel candies over it and ate it that way. Not too bad!
I would think that a 1 would be more along the lines of a razorblade apple, myself.
You would be surprised how kind and thoughtful they are.
Then there's the people who put hot sauce in rice balls. I knew someone who got hit with a baseball bat for that.
My kobold, that has a disorder of cleanliness, had cleaned the manor and it's grounds before, during, and after we dealt with a cult and their little puppet too (which I ate because it was a jerk).
The entire cleaning process however, I got nothing less then a 25 every time, in every room, at any possibility... and I still wasn't paid for my work, because I was still the slave of another, and they got the money instead, seemed fair.
I occasionally make random nonsense rolls. When I played as The Great & Powerful Trixie, I'd often make skill checks for things that aren't really skills, such as her "Rolling eyes check" to see just how far she could roll them at someone's dumb idea, her "Detect Hax" check for when the GM would do something rail-roady, and one time when she was playing with a firearm I declared "Trixie turns this gun into a stick of butter."
Crit succeeded that check. :)
Crit succeeded that check. :)
I made my kobold (Seb) based off of Sebastian. So far though, my butler skill seems to only help with cleaning. Everything else is off limits. It makes me sad.
Plus, Black Butler is a great show.
I don't think I've used candy (i tend to eat it as soon as it's in sight) but I've used candy wrappers for all sorts of things. Gum-wrapper wyrmlings and pop-tab hell ravens are just a few examples.
You gave me an idea for something... Evil.
You gave me the idea to use acid tabs as game pieces. But since that's illegal, I could just place a bit of MSG on a cookie and grin as the others eat it.
During a D&D session around Halloween one year, the DM used packs of Smarties to represent mooks and said that whoever kills the mook gets the candy. Burned an encounter power and my action point on minions but I got lots of candy out of it.
Oh, I've had those Raxon, a friend of mine introduced me to them when we were in elementary school, rather tasty.
Unfortunately, I've never used candy in gaming. Snacks, however, as a tabletop gamer, come in handy. I've had to battle a proxy hive tyrant in 40K, the proxy was a coke can(the guy hadn't finished painting his tyrant, we told him we were cool with it unfinished, but some people...).
Unfortunately, I've never used candy in gaming. Snacks, however, as a tabletop gamer, come in handy. I've had to battle a proxy hive tyrant in 40K, the proxy was a coke can(the guy hadn't finished painting his tyrant, we told him we were cool with it unfinished, but some people...).
And then there are shrimp crackers. Hot damn do I love my shrimpy crackers.
Then again, my lust for diminuitive white women has been well documented.
Nice collection of stories in the video, too.
Also, Raxon, can I please steal that idea for next week's game? That is just too funny a thing for me not to use with my DM. Especially since we tend to get new people every so often (game store encounters are fun like that) so they would definitely have no clue as to what was going on. Though, I tend to stay away from the DM so he can continue to lie to me about what the dice actually say about the nasty things trying to kill me without the risk of me finding out so...meh, we'll see.
The irony is delicious!
I would love to see that paladin swing a cold-iron frying pan as a weapon.
I would love to see that paladin swing a cold-iron frying pan as a weapon.
Hey, there are those cast-iron pie pocket makers you can buy -- two curved plates hinged together, on a stick. Basically, make some sort of sandwich (fruit jam or preserves recommended but it could be any sort of filling), close the plates around it, and heat in the campfire until your bread is toasted. Open up for cheap, delicious hot pie!
A pie-baking paladin should have a +5 returning Frisbie pie tin.
I was waiting for this with exitement. Great job, Spud, and happy aniversary.
In a Pathfinder game we were playing, my husband's half-orc fighter would at the start of every morning (in game) roll to see if he could steal an egg from the gnome druid's velociraptor. It actually involved two rolls, 1 to see if the velociraptor laid an egg, and another to see if he would be able to steal said egg. At least once the velociraptor laid an egg, but his poor fighter was never able to steal it, meaning he never go to enjoy the succulent taste of velociraptor eggs.
Why do I get the feeling that the "bunch of Fictional Candy" is going to come back to bite the DM in the rear later.
A player in our group always rolls a D20 to see how well the session will go. The result is never, ever relevant to the success or failure.
I don't have anything for Raxon's story time, but since Newbiespud mentioned rolling for humorous effect I thought I would mention that, earlier today, I rolled a will save vs my ego. (I passed, which may be considered fortunate or unfortunate)
Basically my character had been entrusted with a piece of technology he had NO idea how to operate, and the reasonable thing would have been to hand it off to somebody who did. However, my character can be overly prideful so I wasn't sure if I actually wanted him to do that. I figured I'd leave it up to chance.
As soon as I read this, I thought "don't you mean, "MANE event"?"
...Yeah, I hate me, too.
...*sigh* crap.
Accidental puns are always jarring, aren't they?
...Add another dollar...
...Add another dollar...
...that's not a pony reference so I don't have to add one. It also wasn't a pun, I was referencing something from DoTA 2.
One of my very early forays as a GM was with my group's introductory Rogue Trader campaign. I took over for a session just to get a feel for how things were on the other side of the storytelling, and to push a few world-building ideas I'd had.
Most things were going pretty smoothly, until my players found a planet with a stereotypical sci-fi plant that had zero nutritional value, but which wasn't poisonous. Basically, it was pure empty bulk. The typical reaction to such a find, and the one that had inspired me to introduce it based on reading a variety of works in which such things had appeared, was that said plants are essentially useless and the planet thus would not be obviously valuable (though there could easily be hidden riches, like ores, or ancient ruins, or whatever).
Unfortunately for me as GM, and fortunately for the party, my fellow players were an economist (a hard-core free-marketeer), a debater (who dabbled in most everything, and was reasonably inventive), and a math whiz (who loved the book-keeping and rules lawyering more than anything else).
They came up with a plan to monetize the plant as a weight-loss food. Spice it up with flavors of whatever kind, and sell it to the decadent rich of a thousand worlds. Let them stuff their faces as much as they like without ever gaining any weight. It became the staple luxury food of the Koronus Expanse (soon to be Sector) and Kalixus Sector.
As the title says, it's not quite candy, but it is pretty close.
Most things were going pretty smoothly, until my players found a planet with a stereotypical sci-fi plant that had zero nutritional value, but which wasn't poisonous. Basically, it was pure empty bulk. The typical reaction to such a find, and the one that had inspired me to introduce it based on reading a variety of works in which such things had appeared, was that said plants are essentially useless and the planet thus would not be obviously valuable (though there could easily be hidden riches, like ores, or ancient ruins, or whatever).
Unfortunately for me as GM, and fortunately for the party, my fellow players were an economist (a hard-core free-marketeer), a debater (who dabbled in most everything, and was reasonably inventive), and a math whiz (who loved the book-keeping and rules lawyering more than anything else).
They came up with a plan to monetize the plant as a weight-loss food. Spice it up with flavors of whatever kind, and sell it to the decadent rich of a thousand worlds. Let them stuff their faces as much as they like without ever gaining any weight. It became the staple luxury food of the Koronus Expanse (soon to be Sector) and Kalixus Sector.
As the title says, it's not quite candy, but it is pretty close.
Some one needs to make Story Time a regular thing. Raxon? How about you?
Hey, don't give me that look. They're elves. They're more limber than a nineteen year old contortionist with the assistance of having her arms and legs broken, and a large, burly man helping her force herself into the new shapes. Besides, they have those long, powerful tongues, and thick, viscous saliva, specially designed for eating the leaves off acacia. The saliva coats the sharp acacia thorns and prevents them from harming their tongues.
As for Story Time, are you talking about having more youtube videos or just more Story Time in the comments section? Because, as Raxon said, it's already a regular thing in the comments section. As for the videos, they kinda heavily rely on the stories told in the comment sections in order to work. So, unless regular thing means every 100 comics or so, I doubt we'd have enough fuel to keep it going for any reasonable length of time.
But this does remind me, I need to write down what happened yesterday with my group. That is one story that needs to be told at one point here. Just need to wait for a story time about how ill-conceived plans go horribly wrong and yet still work despite itself...or something like that. Honestly, with what happened, I'm sure I'll be able to bring it out at some point.
I've actually heard of a wargame concept where the units are represented by candy. The trick is that all killed forces MUST be eaten. On the spot. Thus, you must carefully plan just what units you are willing to consume, and which you will gorge your opponent on...
Wow. That sounds about as rough as playing in an alcoholic chess tournament, where the value of the piece determines its alcohol content and each must be consumed before the game can continue.
(That might be tolerable for experienced drinkers playing at standard time controls. Blitz controls would be extremely ill-advised.)
(That might be tolerable for experienced drinkers playing at standard time controls. Blitz controls would be extremely ill-advised.)
Or Battleship Shots...if you have never heard of it, google it, but basicly, build a battleship board with ships big enough to hold shot classes instead of peg holes. When a ship takes damage, drink that shot...
It's simple. You agree to a drink, and you make philosophical arguments. When a person relies on a fallacy, like the slippery slope or ad hoc, or just refuting the opposition without actually presenting an argument against it, you take a drink. The more you drink, the shorter your arguments are gonna be.
Alternatively, you could play alcoholic Go. For each piece you capture, take a shot. You will be plastered in no time.
Since these checks aren't things the game explicitly calls for and the results of them don't matter to anyone but me, I don't bother telling the DM or other PCs about it because it would waste time. It probably looks to them like I'm just fiddling with my dice or something.
How did I not know Friendship is Dragons was a thing? I'm adding this to my read list.
Also, I ordered those traps Mykin, sorry I didn't say anything. I was hoping to catch whoever keeps setting off the fire alarm at 3 in the morning... Although, I ordered Non-Lethal traps, not deadly.
...I am not paying for that one.
*Goes off*
What have we done.
::pulls up in a squad car::
Hey, we heard reports of explosions, and I know you guys occasionally have them for good reason, but could you tell me what's-
::KABLOOEY::
... what's going on.
Undead, changelings.
Because they have, umm...
Because we received information that they were going to steal the 501 pages of this comic, and distribute them to incinerators across town. So, we ordered millions of explosive traps to protect the precious pages from any harm.
*Roll bluff vs. sense motive*
Hopefully, he'll just post the next comic before reading this far down and we won't have to worry about paying his insurance anything.
The 500 anniversary video, Story Time! 2, went up last night. Later than I hoped by about 18 hours, but it seems I'm not immune to hubris. I'm very happy with how it turned out, though.