Page 503 - Benign Chaotic Evil

14th Oct 2014, 6:00 AM in Luna Eclipsed
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Benign Chaotic Evil
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 14th Oct 2014, 6:00 AM edit delete
It's important that, if you're going to have major differences in morality in the party, those differences should be eventually resolved. Someone should change a bit, some compromise must be found. Because otherwise that will eventually split the party, potentially both in and out of character. Source: Fallout is Dragons.

Speaking of, here's the slightly late new episode of our Fallout: Equestria tabletop podcast!
Session 25: Libsyn YouTube

Notice: Guest comic submissions are still open until this arc is finished! Guidelines here.



Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
So, story time is about pranks, I suppose. I'll go first.

Let me tell you about the greatest prank that my furry assassin, Ransu, ever pulled. It was a cold spring morning, and he got an idea. He found a little rural village and recruited the children there to help him. With their help, he prepared hundred and hundreds of little straw dolls.

together, they went to a major city, and the children, led by Ransu in a harlequin costume, led city children away, and traded clothes with them, dressing the straw dolls in the childrens' clothing, and telling the city children to go home and hide from everyone until they heard the loud piping.

Needless to say, every day, another hundred children went missing, and stories of a harlequin that lures children to Tir Na Nog began to circulate. Ransu had the kids take food the the hiding children. For two weeks, this went on, until almost all the young children were gone.

After the panic had become palpable, Ransu began marching through the streets, playing his pipe, and the children all came out of hiding. They followed him out of the city, where the adults lost sight of them in the fog.

Two hours later, he snuck all the children back into the city through secret tunnels, and returned every single one home without anyone seeing. They say on a foggy night, you can hear his ghost piping away.
Digo 14th Oct 2014, 6:17 AM edit delete reply
In a modern campaign, the team rogue liked to pickpocket my wallet and take my cash. As I didn't keep much cash on hand, I was mostly annoyed by this. It was when he decided to start taking my debit card that I drew the line. But oh ho ho ho! I'm not just going to punch out the rogue's lights...

I'm going to break him on a whole new level.

My character is a former US Army infantry, and he had some explosives training. So what I did was tell the party I was going to the bank for some cash. I secretly note the GM that I was actually working out of a side shop somewhere rigging my wallet with C4 and a charge that would go off when the wallet was opened. I even made the appropriate skill checks.

Later that day I rejoin the party and we get a mission that involves flying to Buenos Aires. We load up our cargo plane for the trip and leave. I didn't know the rogue had already taken my wallet.

We land in Buenos Aires and check in with customs at the gate. The rogue is having trouble getting his weapons in to the country, so he decides to try and bribe the custom agents. Rolls spectacularly on his diplomacy for the bluff, and then proceeds to open my wallet to pull out a wad of cash.

Later that day we were watching the news report about the suicide bomber that failed to kill anyone but himself using professional explosives. It was if the bomb was crafted to only take himself out...

Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 6:26 AM edit delete reply
Holy crap! We had the same damn idea!

Except my explosives expert was a serial killer who preyed on muggers and pickpockets. Good times.

Do you think I make too many characters who are serial killers? Is it wrong that almost half my serial killers are lawful good?
Digo 14th Oct 2014, 6:27 AM edit delete reply
Haha! That is awesome! Can't wait to hear your story on how to prank a pickpocket. XD
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
Well, not so much prank as murder or horribly maim. Basically, he had something like explosive runes with special fire added, for aggravated damage.

It's technically nonlethal, in the same way getting your legs ripped off by a shark is technically nonlethal. Most, of course, are already dead by the time they reach the hospital, if they even have access to medical care. The difference is that mine had the wallet on a cord that acted like the pin in a grenade. You could open the wallet and use it without it exploding, but the second you pull that pin, the wallet is armed.
Digo 14th Oct 2014, 7:05 AM edit delete reply
A wallet grenade? that's pretty neat. I can imagine the pain of hot plastic credit shrapnel to the face. XD
Evilbob 14th Oct 2014, 8:29 AM edit delete reply
Yeaaaahhhhhh... These are less "prank" and more "trap". Last time I checked, pranks aren't supposed to be remotely likely in killing or maiming the victim...
Disloyal Subject 14th Oct 2014, 9:31 AM Axes of Evil edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." -C.S. Lewis
Lawful Good characters make the funnest morally ambiguous characters. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, after all.
(I'm surprised you used enough explosives to kill the git, though - I'd have thought it funnier if it was just enough to scorch his eyebrows off, burn his hands, and generally embarrass him.)
Anvildude 14th Oct 2014, 11:27 AM edit delete reply
That _is_ basically what a Paladin is, you know.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 2:10 PM edit delete reply
No, that is a badly played Paladin. Paladins haven't been tasked by the game with "policing everyone and everything" since first edition. Nowadays, it's not only possible, but entirely reasonable to play a jaded, apathetic paladin who has complex morality.
Sparrowhawk 15th Oct 2014, 1:15 AM edit delete reply
Citation: TV Tropes has a page on it. Therefore, legit!
Disloyal Subject 15th Oct 2014, 6:28 AM Where have all the Good men gone? Where's the streetwise Herakles to fight the rising odds? edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
True; I hadn't remembered the quote was about tyranny when I tracked it down, just Lawful Good folk accomplishing far worse than any Evil. I'm actually quite fond of Good-aligned murderers and 'Paladins in Sour Armor,' though I would like to, just once, see one played as the classic hero for a change.
Taco Belle 14th Oct 2014, 11:05 PM edit delete reply
Lawful Good Serial Killers?

Sounds like that show, "Dexter"...
Evilbob 14th Oct 2014, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
... I'd almost imagine that if the rogue had NOT taken the wallet when he did, your char would have been arrested for being a terrorist/smuggling explosives into the country...
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 9:06 AM edit delete reply
To be fair, one of my favorite instant kill maneuvers is teleporting a lit slim firecracker into the enemy's carotid artery. Death occurs in under a minute.

Slipping explosives onto an enemy is a reliable standby.
Anvildude 14th Oct 2014, 11:29 AM edit delete reply
But wouldn't the blood just put out the fire?

Also, I imagine death was less explodey, and more stroke-y.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 1:30 PM edit delete reply
It might breach the skin, but more importantly, it will burst the artery. That's called an aneurysm. Aneurysms are an amazingly lethal problem, and an easy way to die in seconds. A brain aneurysm is usually initially hinted at when someone says, "Oh, I have a headache." Then they will fall down dead. I am not joking when I say brain aneurysms are 100% lethal, and you have a maximum of thirty seconds to live after it ruptures. So, this real life thing leaves you with between two and five combat turns to live, no saving throw, incapacitated in half that time.

This? This is the kind of insanely dangerous power that Raxon would use to end a fight fast if he had to go the lethal route. Touch, dead, fight over, hello miss reporter, no he's just resting. I have to take him to space jail now where nobody will ever see him again goodbye. Remarkably fortunate for everyone involved that Raxon actually likes not having to kill all his enemies in the modern era.

In response to the other thing, no, the fuse would still burn. Firecrackers have cannon fuse, which stays lit, even in water.
Suburbanbanshee 20th Oct 2014, 3:17 PM edit delete reply
Actually, brain aneurysms aren't 100% lethal. My grandma lived after having one, and it's not uncommon these days. (And it was at least a half hour after she had it until she got to the hospital, not a few seconds.)

OTOH, it's true that they _can_ take effect within seconds.
Digo 15th Oct 2014, 6:44 AM edit delete reply
It's hilarious in Fallout 3, as you even get an achievement and a counter for number of "Pants Exploded"
Raxon 15th Oct 2014, 8:00 AM edit delete reply
Yep. Only catch is that teleporting an object inside a person requires a will save, so it's best used on unconscious enemies. Their pockets, on the other hand, are fair game. That can be done with impunity.
Marioaddict 14th Oct 2014, 6:28 AM edit delete reply
Oh man, I GOT this one!

So my party consisted of 3 players, each of us teenagers at the time, and each of us pranksters. This was at the very start of the campaign, like right before the call to adventure and all that goodness.

We decided we were gonna have a little fun with someone in our village. But who...

We scouted the town, and found the perfect target: a rich asshole.

I don't fully remember him - I think he might have been trying to buy the town or something? I dunno. Either way, my friends and I didn't like him. So a plan was hatched.

Turns out, this guy likes gambling. So step one was this: me, a poor young charismatic child, would go in and swindle him out of all his money.

Cue gambling scene.

I end up with a huge sack of money. The hope was that he would get enraged and being shown up by a child, and chase me out of the tavern.

He was upset, for sure, but no such chasing was to occur.

Alright. Plan B.

As he's buying himself a drink with the money he has left, I then attempt to pickpocket him.

Flawless success.

No one in the bar notices.

Except, of course, for the target.

He turns around and chases me out of the tavern. Once out, my friends pull taught a rope, tripping the rich guy.

And what happened after, you ask?

Well, what prank would be complete without tar and feathers?

Cliche, I know, but it worked like a charm. The tar covered the man's body, and the feathers stuck to that like glue. Many laughs were had.

There was also the prank we pulled on not-dumbledore-but-he-was-totally-dumbledore, but that's a story for another time.
Digo 14th Oct 2014, 7:06 AM edit delete reply
It's still a classic. :)
StoneCliff 14th Oct 2014, 6:58 AM edit delete reply
I've got two stories involving praknsters: (Well, i have more, but these are the best.)

My chaotic 'neutral' summoner was definitely a prankster, albeit with a sick sense of humor. His favorite spell was grease. Cue my party slipping on literally every staircase imaginable. He also chose, as a 'prank', to leave the party leader in the hellfire dungeon by turning on the elevator, leaving the leader to fight the boss alone.. Then, as the rest of the party was gloating on the leaving elevator, my summoner decided it would be a good time to piss off his goddess, Mira. Mira decided to retailaite by snapping the elevator cord, saving the leader and nearly killing the rest of the party.

My second story involves my gnome bard. He had taken levels in the gnome/bard archetype "praknster", which allowed him to steal an opponents object and replace it with one of the same size. Not to powerful on it's own, but it has potential. Cue my gnome starting to take levels in alchemist. My DM had ruled that an alchemist bomb was roughly the size of a coin purse. Cue my gnome 'pranking' people by following them into a store, swapping their purse for a bomb, and laughing manically as the bomb's splash damage hit the Lv.20 shopkeeper.
CrazyTom 14th Oct 2014, 8:11 AM edit delete reply
In my most long-running game, there is a serpentfolk rogue who has pulled all kinds of shenanigans in his time. I think the best prank he ever pulled was ditching one of the party members in the astral plane. What he didn't realize was that the Astral Plane is timeless, so as soon as he left, the other PC had no anchor left to the flow of time and was lost for an eternity. When the rogue came back to get him, the other PC had been there for so long that his body had dissolved into the ether and he had become a living ghost. Now the ghost PC gets to play pranks on the rogue to his heart's content. :D
Specter 14th Oct 2014, 8:41 AM edit delete reply
Does doing something others think is a prank correct? If not, my only defense is I have no real idea what a prank is. If so...

I once played a pony campaign as Shadow, an Earth pony with a family, and a troubled past. His associates (rest of party) had heard of a building on the far side of town playing classical music (their least liked) for a charity event to help get fillies back in school. Naturally, the EM thought they would help the event somehow (charity event), and was thinking of something to ruin the event until the pc's (me not included) asked if any local gangs would be against it (since they used children to run errands or stuff under police noses).

He thought they (we) would stop them, until they found the gang, and asked to help ruin the event (I was starting to have flash-backs of Fable for what was about to happen). When the party actually told me the plan, I said I was going to "Steal the show", with my own music. The team thought I was going to, single-hoofedly, take the other performers, and play some rock or something (which to them sounded a lot safer if there were fillies on site).

The night of the performance, the party planned to take the performers hostage (when I gave them up) for the gangs, so fillies can still work for them. The EM (and by extension, I) had other plans. I spoke with the EM over the week before the job, and actually wanted to help the event (I was their for the notice of event, gone for the plan, and showed up again for the event, reason of absence, getting my "band back together", and buying some equipment). The other players decided to pay for some tickets, and watch how I was going to do it. But to their surprise, not only was the event bigger then it ever was, my team went up first to play (for donating the most resources for the cause).

I, along with my character's wife, and old friends, went up on stage and played. The others were disappointed I actually helped the charity event, but got a kick out of what I was doing. On vocals was Shadow's wife, Jewal, singing back-up was Trixie (needed a replacement for our original back-up, couldn't find anypony better). Playing piano was Zeven (the changeling, shh), and contrabass was Dusk, an tribal earth pony. Shadow, to the parties surprise, was playing a full sized harp (and due to the shear amount of points put in, and the EM actually hoping for me to show up the rest of the delinquent party), the band played well enough that Luna, during one of her rounds, heard the music and showed up to see what was happening (let it be told, the last band to ever be good enough for that, on a moral scale (except Jewal), was playing. So she left shortly after, but yay for EM interference).

Let it be told, after getting way more then enough to meet the donations needed, the party at that moment remembered they were going to give up a lot of performers to a gang, five hour ago. They stormed the place, and we were forced to fight them since they "probably" got on some drugs, thinking they were having lackeys do the job for them (Those "moral" reasons from before showed up very soon after that). But that is another story to tell about for another time.
Toric 14th Oct 2014, 10:24 AM edit delete reply
This is a prank that got played on me, and how I eventually got back at the perpetrator.

We had assisted a Countess or some similar noble with clearing out undead from the catacombs beneath the city. As such, she offered us rewards that were largely to our specifications. While we all took gold, the sorcerer of our party asked for a feast for the party.

Now, this sorcerer was a bit of a douche with vaguely noble blood, and he didn't like my rogue primarily because he acted like a rogue (more incorrigible scoundrel than greedy thief). So when we go to bed, the DM asks me for a Fortitude save. I roll poorly and discover that MY food had been specifically drugged with heavy laxatives at his request. As a struggle to the chamber pot fighting to hold on, when I grab it an Alarm spell begins blaring sirens in the dead of night from the pot. My rogue shit himself in surprise and basically spent the night in such intestinal distress that he was fatigued the whole next day.

To get him back, my character (more than a little bitter) was searching for traps the next day in a new dungeon. I was taking a penalty for the fatigue, but was still fairly functional. I found a trap that sent a blade slashing out at about eye level and rolled to disable it. I rolled high enough to avoid setting it off, but just barely failed to disarm it completely...actually by the exact amount of my penalty.

So when the sorcerer asked if the trap was clear, I told him "Of course" with a phenomenal bluff roll. He asked what I was waiting for and I told him I was just "so tired" and wanted to rest a moment. So he steps forward, setting off the trap. It was a low-level trap that sent a scimitar at his face. He failed his reflex save, so the DM, deciding to tip the scales back from before, ruled that he only took minor damage but his head was completely shaved on the top by the blade. When the sorcerer accused my character of setting him up, I rolled another bluff to emphasize how being tired can lead to mistakes and accidents.

The sorcerer died shortly after, and it wasn't my rogue's fault.
ToaofTwilightZ 14th Oct 2014, 4:21 PM Ew edit delete reply
Dang, all I've got is the time my character peed in the mouth of my KO'd dragonborn companion before a live audience in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. Good times.
TokraZeno 14th Oct 2014, 9:49 PM edit delete reply
A guy in my campaign has this kind of magic sight that lets him see things the rest of us can't. So I thought I'd take advantage of it and make a few illusions only he could see.

He bought a chicken so he could get free eggs and I was making a miniature version of him wander around inside the cage. The rest of the party currently thinks he's insane because he's doing checks on the chicken every few minutes.
Kynrasian 15th Oct 2014, 5:23 PM edit delete reply
I count the trick I pulled to empty a vault that one of our villains wanted opened before letting him in as the best successful prank I ever pulled, but here's another one, which I think might've backfired a little.

So, we'd just killed our lich villain for the second time when we decided to go back to town for some rest. We ended up going to an inn which had previously been the scene of a bar fight between us and a group of mercenaries who decided to pick a fight. I paid the innkeeper for the damages that our previous patronage had caused and we were allowed to eat, drink and sleep there again, but I decided it'd be funny to steal our halfling rogue's Potion of Flying and mix it into his drink, mainly because I found the image of a halfling floating around like he was in zero gravity to be hilarious.

Turned out it was actually a potion of delusion, so the only one who saw him flying was himself. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to see him float around the bar, but it was still funny. The innkeeper later complained and so I paid for the rogue's room and locked him in it to keep him from causing any more trouble. I left him upstairs in his room and shortly after he opened the window and jumped out, landing in a passing cart carrying pineapples and passing out.

We were completely unaware of this until we went to get him next morning only to find him missing and the window open. I got on my horse to chase down the cart and eventually caught up to it near the border of the next region, which just happened to be where we were going anyway. The merchant decided that I must be a bandit and immediately started defending himself from me, which involved throwing his wares at me, which consisted entirely of pineapples.

This mustn't have been the first time the merchant has had to do this because he managed to crit. Three times. In a row.

With pineapples.

Needless to say, we were all surprised and since then he's become something of a running gag to us, as has the use of pineapples as weapons.
MaxKojote 16th Oct 2014, 5:17 AM Prank edit delete reply
An interesting prank from Shadowrun occurs to me. Not that big, but amusing nonetheless.

So my character is a technomancer (someone who can interface with machines and networks with their mind). He's also suffering from a case of being furry (being a changeling, SURGE III).

Now another party member is an elf cyber samurai. She also constantly referred to my character as 'fuzzball', 'furball' and similar nicknames that annoyed him. So he decided to get her back.

It didn't take much to access her cybereyes. And get creative. Adding things like silly moustaches and other effects to various people when she looked at him. And then later stepping it up to borderline hallucinations.

The most amusing part is that whilst my character can be a jerk and very vindictive, he's never really shown it to the team So she honestly thought her eyes were hacked. However every time that my guy, Fang, "checked" her cybereyes, he seemingly couldn't find anything wrong with them.

It escalated up until the point that he basically added sparkles and special effects to a party member to give him that incredibly cliche "oh he's so dreamy" look, just as that character turned to her to ask if she was alright.

At this point the game had to stop for a bit because her player couldn't stop laughing enough to focus.
Jannard 14th Oct 2014, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Well, she IS chaotic evil, isn't she? The smell of DM bias is strong. Like the scent of thousand-year-old rotten food cursed by the god of putrefaction.

Or something. By the way, how about a story time? About pranks, obviously. In-game and in-character, or a real life prank for the players and/or DM. Bonus if you have stories for both!
Jannard 14th Oct 2014, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
I'd delete the "story time" part of my comment, since Raxon already took that initiative, but nah, too much effort.
Disloyal Subject 14th Oct 2014, 10:16 AM Never Trust a Tau edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Well, whenever someone's IRC client drops them from the chat, the GM leads the party in misleading them once they return. Often just with stuff like, "And as the Necrons advance, roll for initiative," - not that Necrons are so scary anymore when you're used to fighting Taghmata combat automata by the half-dozen. After I got my porter slave Meghaera, though, the torments for me mostly involved her death, since I was fiercely protective of her in and out of character. My internet cut out during multiple boss fights, too, so I got used to the lie that she'd been eaten to recover the wounds of, say, a Balor Hive Tyrant, but every time there's the niggling fear that maybe she really did die. So far the worst fate to befall her is getting singed badly just like the rest of us when said Hive Tyrant melted the defense platform we'd deployed against it.
CrowMagnon 14th Oct 2014, 6:28 AM edit delete reply
Would the time I brought an expy of Fluffle Puff into the Pony Tales campaign I'm running count?

The party is on a giant luxury airship that's been hijacked by vamponies. In order to save a group of hostages, they sneak around over the room where they're being held. Along the way, I make them take a Perception check, and the one who gets the highest roll hears "Phbbbt!"

Next round while they move into position, I do the same thing. The character who hears this accuses a supporting NPC of passing gas.

So the round after that, they're getting ready to go, and I do the same thing. This time, after the reaction, I describe a pink, extremely shaggy pony as having appeared seemingly out of nowhere, blowing raspberries at them.

There was some groaning over this, but that wasn't the prank.

The next turn, one of the party members opens up a ceiling panel to look down and assess the situation below. As a result, she fails to notice the shaggy pink pony next to her opening its mouth, revealing massive nail-like fangs.

Another player later described that instant as "The moment we all realized our GM is psychotic." XD
CrowMagnon 14th Oct 2014, 6:30 AM edit delete reply
Oops. Likewise, I'd delete my story post and move it over, but that would require me to take the time to create a log-in ID, and forget THAT.
Draxynnic 14th Oct 2014, 7:57 AM edit delete reply
Might not be bias so much as making sure she has the right idea of what Rainbow Dash is doing. I imagine most players would appreciate a DM that gets clarification before interpreting what the player intended as 'ranged joybuzzer with a sound effect' to be 'random child murder' instead.
Jannard 14th Oct 2014, 9:18 AM edit delete reply
"Still morally objectionable, but... slightly less so. <sigh>" sounds like being uncomfortable with the whole shebang one way or the other. What would a DM expect? The character has been quite chill for a chaotic evil.

Plus "Excuse me?! Are you seiously going to zap little kids with lightning?!" Reads more as an alarmed tone, rather than a warning or inquisitive one.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 11:26 AM edit delete reply
You know, when I play an illusionist, I do horribly evil things like that.

"Oh, you just watched your husband rape and murder his way through an entire daycare? And you say nobody will protect you? Well, ma'am, I happen to do a bit of work taking care of monsters like that, if you want to hire me."

I have so much trouble making nice illusionists, because dicks are just too much fun.
Disloyal Subject 14th Oct 2014, 12:44 PM Too Far edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
That's horrific.
...and exactly what the My Little Inferno: Evil is Magic players might have pulled, given time. Ick.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 1:36 PM edit delete reply
To be fair, most of my dickish behavior as an illusionist boils down to pranks like this:

Illusionary man up, and stab a noblewoman in the breast. Breast goes pbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbp as it deflates and sags. Noblewoman has five oclock shadow and increased muscle tone. Vanish into the crowd. Alternatively, illusionary man walks into a high school, screams, and snaps his own neck. Every student there sees it. A week later, he walks in and does it again.

Illusionists are very hard to play as lawful good, purely because it's so tempting to use my magic to screw with people.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 6:21 AM edit delete reply
Please note that this was NOT strictly based on the pied piper story. It was also based on a documented case of mass hysteria in the 70s or 80s, where horror stories of clowns in white vans abducting children gripped the hearts of parents across the nation.

Turns out there were no clowns, it was just urban legends running rampant.
Rokas 14th Oct 2014, 9:58 AM edit delete reply
Yet I be the news networks STILL reported it as if it were true, right?
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 11:08 AM edit delete reply
Pretty sure that's how it got spread around, yeah. One local show reporting, and suddenly every housewife from here to Miami is having a panic attack when their child gets home five minutes late.
Rokas 14th Oct 2014, 12:54 PM edit delete reply

I guess the requirements for a journalism degree are somewhere along the lines of 3rd grade note passing than an actual university.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 1:51 PM edit delete reply
Nowadays? Screw integrity. You're not out there to make the world a better place, unless it pulls in ratings. If videos showing a bunch of mistrel show folks in blackface and grass skirts snatching college students into windowless vans got ratings, you can guarantee they would show that crap 24/7. If showing uncensored videos of children being mutilated got them ratings, they would plaster the news with those videos.

You are not there to report the news as it happens, you are there to appeal to the viewer and shock them, because the more shocking your story, the more people will tune in to be outraged or sickened. Your job is not to report the news. Your job is to bring in money. That has been the news reporter's job ever since Cronkite, and the news actually started to make a profit.
Rokas 14th Oct 2014, 5:45 PM edit delete reply
Gorram it, Raxon, run for president already. Your madness will be the undoing of us all, but at least it will be a HILARIOUS ride in that handbasket. XD
Raxon 15th Oct 2014, 1:51 AM edit delete reply
I have a story in the works of Raxon running for president. He's a member of the Surprise Party.

If you want, I could get to work typing that up.

Also, I do not think I could possibly stand a chance, because I have some rather... controversial views. I believe that hate crime laws are unconstitutional, because the intention behind any crime should not determine the sentencing. A murder is not automatically two murders just because the victim is black.

I believe that people are responsible for their own actions.

I believe that the government should cut a hell of a lot of programs.

I believe that censorship is bad. By this I mean if a black dude criticizes a white dude, that's okay, because that's free speech. Same goes for a white dude who criticizes a black dude.

I believe in the abolishment of children, as they are the leading cause of evil fish people in Innsmouth.

So controversial!
Rokas 15th Oct 2014, 5:36 AM edit delete reply
Those are my views. Well, except the abolishment of children, but eh, no candidate is perfect.

Raxon 15th Oct 2014, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
Awesome! Then you're on board. As my first presidential act, I will perform a class action pardon. Every criminal in prison in the entire united states will be set free and released on a quaint little island off the coast of Brazil, called Ilha da Queimada Grande. There, they will learn to like in harmony with the native wildlife, and become gentler, kinder people.

My second act will be to get my special rohypnol triple strength espresso shots legalized. They're perfect for when you need to stay awake, and the rohypnol prevents caffeine jitters.
Evilbob 16th Oct 2014, 11:42 AM edit delete reply
Sorry to burst your bubble, but if you're going to grant a pardon like that, you can't force them to live on that quaint little island, since well... they've technically been pardoned.

nathan400 15th Oct 2014, 11:40 AM edit delete reply
What about have mandatory asparagus for breakfast, free corsets for the under fives, and the abolition of slavery?
Malroth 16th Oct 2014, 11:12 AM edit delete reply
ooh ooh ooh, could i get a scientific grant to perform evil mind control experiments on "willing" college girls? I'll make them vote for you in your reelection campaign.
Digo 14th Oct 2014, 6:26 AM edit delete reply
In one Superhero campaign I ran, one of the major villains wanted to really get back at the heroes for their constant thwarting of his plans. He rented out a local night club and hired a band and camera crew. Didn't advertise this as anything more than a Blues jam session open to the public.

The villain then proceeded to do his usual villainy of robbing a bank nearby. The heroes show up, beat up the henchmen, and chase the villain. The baddie led the heroes into the back of the night club.

The party doesn't realize it until it's too late-- they wander onstage in the middle of a Blues session. The band stops playing and the crowed looks at the heroes with curious interest. The PCs apologize for the interruption and try to leave, but the bouncers show up and stop them.

"No one leaves the stage without singing the Blues"

Then I, the GM, pull out an MP3 player with a simple blues tune and start playing. The PCs were stunned that I'm actually expecting them to sing out the Blues. XD

They completely bomb and get laughed off the stage.

The next day, the villain puts up a recording of their spectacular embarrassment on YouTube. The entire hero team takes a big PR hit and vow to DESTROY this villain when they find him. XD
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 6:40 AM edit delete reply
Brilliant. I'm gonna steal that!
TyrantViewer 14th Oct 2014, 4:59 PM edit delete reply
Do you get the reference? The original material is full of situations that I think you would love to pull of, or improve upon
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 5:16 PM edit delete reply
I don't think I've seen it.
TyrantViewer 15th Oct 2014, 12:58 AM edit delete reply
Its from a movie called adventures in babysitting- the babysitter has to take the kids with her to pick up a friend and they get into a series of escalating situations- at one point they run from criminals into that same situation discribed- they actually can sing (and the musicians are friendly) so it works out- then the musicians pull the same on the criminals when they catch up and the babysitter and kids leave
The Old One 14th Oct 2014, 5:26 PM edit delete reply
Didn't Circe to that to Batman? I seem to recall Batman singing the blues in order to save Wonder Woman
Gden 15th Oct 2014, 4:43 AM edit delete reply
It was Justice League, the episode "This Little Piggy"
Jubilee 14th Oct 2014, 8:21 PM edit delete reply
I LOVED that movie!
Digo 15th Oct 2014, 6:45 AM edit delete reply
Adventures in Babysitting is a great movie. Lots of funny ideas to steal for Role Playing.
Curb 14th Oct 2014, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
Two of my Fun Characters from Rifts, members of the Kelly Gang Merc Company, loved to play pranks. Two Silver Bell Fairies, Shatter Bell (who loved Metal and Punk) and Digital Pulse (who loved all things Electronica) worked with the company's techs to craft tiny, but very loud speakers.

These came in very handy when they came up against a well entrenched Coalition camp that was raiding innocent D-bee villages (D-Bees are any lifeform that came through a dimensional rift, good or evil.) The two slipped in, the Fairies had wicked prowl, and plant the wireless speakers around the enemy camp. Middle of the night, they started blasting short bursts of loud and aggressive music, a guitar riff, a burst of dubstep. By they time the merc company moved, the coalition troops were all but broken by the random sound barrage, only a few officers were still anything close to combat ready and they went down easy.
Disloyal Subject 15th Oct 2014, 12:57 PM THIS QUIET OFFENDS SLAANESH edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
So... Guerilla faerie Noise Marines? I approve.
Grant 14th Oct 2014, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
See, this is why Chaotic Evil PCs are always dangerous. Sooner or later they're always going to do something crazy. Sure Lawful Good can be a pain, but usually not so unpredictable.

Ouch, suddenly I'm wondering what she's going to be like when Discord shows up.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 7:36 AM edit delete reply
You mean most lawful good PCs are not so unpredictable.

I happen to have at least three lawful good characters who are also serial killers, with legit explanations for each one.
Disloyal Subject 14th Oct 2014, 10:07 AM "It's really only adventurers who think, 'Hmm, how can I solve this problem? Oh, right, bloodshed!'" edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Aren't most serial killers that get away with it for any length of time somewhat Lawful? Perhaps I'm letting Dexter bias me.
Granted, most adventurers are serial killers in the most literal sense.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
No, see, the thing is he believes he is actually doing good, blowing the arms and faces off of muggers and pickpockets. Think of it as a delusional lunatic, but one who's totally coherent.

He's just under the delusion that since the system is corrupt, the only just thing to do is bypass the system, and thus, uphold the ideals for which the system stands.

Thus, by breaking the law and blatantly murdering tons of dudes, he is upholding the spirit of the law, i.e. bad people get punished because they do bad things, and they are bad.

For someone who believes this, they can remain lawful, because it's not chaotic to rebel against a corrupt government.
Disloyal Subject 14th Oct 2014, 12:47 PM Viva la Revolution edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
That's kind of my point. He sounds like a typical paladin to me, explosives and non-Leroyness aside.
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 1:41 PM edit delete reply
Most paladins can and should lose their paladinhood for draconian "death for all crimes" stances.

My paladin serial killer, Erin, never actually intended to kill any of them, it's just that he had trouble holding back, and did so much nonlethal damage that it spilled over into lethal damage.

My other lawful good serial killer is a serial killer in that he ritualistically marked the bodies of his slain enemies, and carved them up a little. So that one's kinda blurry, since he killed all of them in self defense.
The Old One 14th Oct 2014, 5:29 PM edit delete reply
Bah. Most characters are serial killers. It matters not what alignment they are, they all justify mass slaughter with the flimsiest of excuses simply for the glory, loot and experience.

Evilbob 16th Oct 2014, 12:30 PM edit delete reply
I believe we have different definitions of "lawful". You see, I find "lawful to mean, "conforming to, permitted by, or recognized by law or rules". It has nothing to do with the the nature of the government.

It's how "Lawful Evil" is a thing. It doesn't really matter what your character believes. If the actions defining the character are such that the GM classifies it as "Evil", you're an evil character. You can be totally delusional about it and think you're good, but you're still evil. Same applies to "Chaotic" and the other alignments...

At least that's how I understand it.
Toby'c 14th Oct 2014, 7:39 AM edit delete reply
Now that they're talking about costumes, I'm really hoping you find some way to work in an NPC dressed as a "paper bag wizard".
FanOfMostEverything 14th Oct 2014, 10:06 AM edit delete reply
I'm now picturing Derpy and Twilight locked in an arcane duel. Thank you for that wonderful mental image.
Philadelphus 14th Oct 2014, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
"Paper bag wizard" reminded me of those "mildly scary" paper-bag masks that TF2 came out with a few years ago. Derpy would fit right in there!
Coffeeincluded 14th Oct 2014, 8:56 AM edit delete reply
Oh man, there was an out and out prank war between...actually it ended up involving nearly the entire party. See, first the ranger started calling the necromancer "Death Boy," so when he needed to eave a pig corpse out overnight for murder mystery-related reasons he decided to leave it in her room. So the ranger switched rooms with the necromancer, and the necromancer doused her in girly perfume and glitter thanks to prestidigitation. Then the warlock stole his spellbook so after returning it the necromancer sprayed his room with tomcat urine, and then the both of them turned the ranger's room into a swamp, complete with toads, and...

Eventually the leader of the guild had to step in before they destroyed his building.
TyrantViewer 14th Oct 2014, 10:59 AM helping a friend edit delete reply
After seeing a few people put art of their characters up with their stories I would like to direct anyone interested to
my friend is looking for comissions, she already made the offer to our local group so I feel like I should help and pass it along. I am also kind of curious what some of you would comission (looking at you raxon)
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 11:20 AM edit delete reply
You realize I could and would commission portraits of the party that ran around naked with those froggy condoms, right?

Then there's the chick with buttons sewn into her flesh, buttoned to a bondage table. Then there's my ilithid playboy who has a special dex score for his face, cause he's a player.

Or, alternatively, there's always my fursona. You all know him from my stories. His name is Ransu. So much to choose! That said, I'm really not all that interested in art.

Except for that one time, when I suggested getting a commission to my then current girlfriend of her fursona and mine, her coated in some toxic waste, and my character approaching from behind in a hazmat suit with a strapon, and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. And I quote. "Noooo. You're horrible! *giggles*"

Good times. Good times.
Mykin 14th Oct 2014, 1:47 PM edit delete reply
...Well, you did ask for it so I'm just going to move on...

So commissions as in paid commissions or free? I'm mostly in the same position as Spud (except instead of running a beloved webcomic, I actually have a dead end job that just cut my hours for the winter season) so I don't really have a whole lot of money to throw around here. That and my personal feeling is that the stuff I would want others to draw is stuff I'd like to learn how to draw myself...and then dislike how it looks and go play some video games to consolidate myself. But lately that hasn't been the case...I'm running out of video games to play.

But if I was to commission something...hmm...Well, I saw this picture while I was looking up some stuff for the Dark Heresy game I'm going to in a few minutes and I immediately wanted to draw my Krieg Guardsman fighting a Death Claw or something suitably Fallout-like. Just cus. So I'd probably commission something similar to that. That or a full body picture of my avatar. Whichever I decide on first.
TyrantViewer 14th Oct 2014, 4:49 PM edit delete reply
She is concerned about her funds for next year so paid, I am unclear as to the pricing but she already has a section on her page for comisions so I assume she has something sorted out for that already, or her previous work there was pro bono. She is a good artist and my little in my fraternity so I feel like this is the least I can to to help since noone in our group has taken her offer yet to my knowledge
Raxon 14th Oct 2014, 5:23 PM edit delete reply
I will do a bit of name tossing among my buddies, see if I can't pull a little business toward her. Don't expect too much, though. Outside my dominion here, I am pretty darn obscure. Hmmm...

In his house at Fid Com'ents, Deadpool Raxon waits giggling.
TyrantViewer 14th Oct 2014, 5:33 PM edit delete reply
She says if you get her some buisness she would like to do a commision for you for free as a thank you, but no porn
Specter 14th Oct 2014, 1:49 PM edit delete reply
kriss1989 14th Oct 2014, 2:45 PM edit delete reply
A story about a prank in an RPG? I have one, and it was a character backstory.

Okay, o we were making level 10 characters for a campaign, and I wound up making a sorcerer. Now then, the DM wanted a background for our characters, but I was feeling oddly uncreative that night, when a spark of an idea hit me that was glorious short and silly. His background was: "Vertus, after an epic prank gone horribly wrong, was forced to flee his home...continent. A homeless wanderer, he has taken up adventuring as a means of both making a living and keeping his skills sharp if anyone ever comes after him."

My DM asked what this prank could possibly have been. My response? "I have no idea, but somehow it resulted the the destruction of a grand temple, the raiding of a dragon's hoard, the destruction of all tubas in the world, the unleashing of the explosion-mancer Michle Cove, and my character going from level one to ten. It was so traumatic that my character has blocked most of it out of his memory."

"Dang. So what was the origional prank?"

"Putting salt into tea instead of sugar...yeah things really spiraled out of control there."

The campaign sadly didn't last long, or DM had some RL stuff happen and had to cancel, but to this day this is still the second greatest background I have ever created.
Delta Pangaea 14th Oct 2014, 4:29 PM edit delete reply
I find myself often pondering Alignments. Recently I pondered that 'Lawful' should probably be 'Order'.

Since Laws change from place to place, and a character's alignment shouldn't change if they cross the county line.

Order separates their alignment from where they are, and probably better represents that it's supposed to be their PERSONAL rules, even if those rules are the actual laws.

It also settles the 'Batman Alignment' thing, Since I think more people could agree he's Ordered Good than could agree one way or the other on Lawful/Chaotic Good.
Disloyal Subject 15th Oct 2014, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
'Lawful' doesn't necessarily imply that they follow the laws of the land they're in. It's basically just another way of phrasing 'Ordered' that flows slightly better; many Lawful characters follow a personal code of conduct rather than local rules.
Raxon 15th Oct 2014, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
Believe it or not, I think alignments are something done decently in FATAL. Instead of lawful/neutral/chaotic and good/neutral/evil, FATAL has ethical/neutral/inethical and moral/neutral/immoral.

It works as a decent basic framework for how your character is willing to act. It doesn't make the game fun, but this in itself is actually not a bad idea.
Euric 15th Oct 2014, 4:40 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, I find myself thinking on alignment a lot too. It's such a hard and complex topic, every time I think I've come to a conclusion, I find another thing to ponder.

I'm currently thinking of a 5 alignment system for law/chaos with 2 axis, one for personal and one in relation to authority. That way you could have someone like bat man, or someone who respects the law, but is willing to lie and cheat if it isn't illegal.

or maybe I could have several different attributes related to law/chaos that could be rated 1-5. Hmm...
Iamus_Septimus 14th Oct 2014, 4:55 PM edit delete reply
Or the evil-aligned PC could team up with the DM's other group to slaughter your party while you're away. Either way, it's a resolution.
Zarhon 15th Oct 2014, 5:31 PM edit delete reply
"Fear the vengeful thunder god!"
Wouldn't that be 'goddess'?

Mighty familiar, todays' strip. Seems like Dash hasn't even bothered to read the list.

Also, panel 4 - did she just kill Spike? I think she needs to do the candy roll to see what that convenient hoard of his yielded.
Newbiespud 16th Oct 2014, 2:02 AM edit delete reply
The list got too big. Way too big. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Raxon 16th Oct 2014, 3:18 AM edit delete reply
Oh, hey, I started a list back there, too. Huh. Still all wildly entertaining.
Friday the 13th 3rd Jul 2015, 10:32 AM Prank story... edit delete reply
I don't have any stories about pranks, but I do have one involving child endangerment.
This one time, in a Naruto campaign my friend set up, I threw a giant shuriken at a little kid. It worked.