Page 525 - Open and Shut

4th Dec 2014, 5:00 AM in Luna Eclipsed
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Open and Shut
Average Rating: 4 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 4th Dec 2014, 5:00 AM edit delete
Story time! Tell a story about someone being afraid of something for a silly reason, whether it's an irrational fear or a hilarious misunderstanding.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are still open until this arc is finished! Guidelines here.



Midnight Blaze 4th Dec 2014, 5:02 AM edit delete reply
All that time on the moon and all she could do was play tic tac toe with herself.
Clonchrooper 4th Dec 2014, 5:06 AM edit delete reply
Well, she could also have perfected math and created a computer out of lines of rocks that simulated a universe.
Guest 4th Dec 2014, 5:19 AM edit delete reply
With only a thousand years' runtime to work with, she likely wouldn't get very far beyond the first few hours of the simulated universe's existence.
Digo 4th Dec 2014, 5:48 AM edit delete reply
That's still quite an accomplishment I'd say.
Bombom13 4th Dec 2014, 6:59 PM edit delete reply
Ah, a fellow fan of Xkcd i suppose?
Chakat Firepaw 4th Dec 2014, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
She also worked on chess theory.

Then returned to discover a couple small rule changes that rendered all her work useless.
you know that guy 4th Dec 2014, 3:48 PM edit delete reply
En passant ...
Starwind 17th Dec 2014, 11:35 AM edit delete reply
The comic book featuring her supports this.
Specter 4th Dec 2014, 8:23 AM edit delete reply
Luna being stuck on the moon is probably one of those things like Vegas, what happens there, stays there...

But lets be honest, a single pony can't do that much.

Probably had visitors at one point., maybe had a chat with the local populace, and more likely then not, kept having fights with her inner self.
jherazob 4th Dec 2014, 3:41 PM edit delete reply
It wasn't so bad:
Warlach572 4th Dec 2014, 5:17 AM edit delete reply
Heh, I have a short tale that fits the bill. Once upon a time, I was playing a Pokemon RPG with some friends. Fairly standard stuff, made a character, had some adventures. We had just arrived in a new city, and two new players were joining the group, but only one is important here. My character had blue hair, was clad in a purple coat, and had a stylish red bowtie. Now, It was my character who first encountered the new player's character. Because of the way he was dressed, and because of a bad charisma roll, he came off as terribly creepy. The new character ran off, and after several sessions of adventuring together, that character was still suspicious of mine. The funny part? My character was the most moral and upstanding member of the group. Which, to tell the truth, wasn't saying much...
Digo 4th Dec 2014, 5:45 AM edit delete reply
During her stay in the human world, The Great and Powerful Trixie feared the mad cow known as Elmer. That vile bovine had to have been running some kind of mafia outfit and if you didn't pay up your protection money, she'd cut off your hooves and make glue out of them!!

...what do you mean the cow doesn't exist? Then who's making the glue? Humans? Alright, Trixie demands the human race line up single file here so she can buck all your faces in!

The best part about that session was SHIELD watching the news reports on how 7 people claim they got beaten up by a bright blue unicorn. XD
General Buttercrust 4th Dec 2014, 6:02 AM edit delete reply
Okay, I need to know what game that is.
Specter 4th Dec 2014, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
*Nearly dies laughing*

How is it every time you tell a story about (T.G.A.P.) Trixie and SHIELD, it's always funny?
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:37 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
It's Trixie... and SHIELD. How could it NOT be funny?
Props for accurately roleplaying TG&PT, though, Digo; I'm growing increasingly fond of your interpretation of her.
Mykin 4th Dec 2014, 9:42 AM edit delete reply
...Should I tell Trixie about the time I met a Minotaur named Elmer that had an obsession with cutting off legs and-...actually nevermind, forget I said anything. It wasn't a horribly interesting campaign anyway...

EDIT: And yes, I am actually being serious about this.
NeutralDemon 4th Dec 2014, 2:56 PM edit delete reply
Why do people not record there sessions?!
Aside from Acquisitions Incorporated and Fallout is Dragons all the D&D stuff on YouTube is tips and how to videos!
Record your sessions people give us something to watch.
NeutralDemon 4th Dec 2014, 3:07 PM edit delete reply
I ask this because that would have been HILARIOUS to watch.
Robin Bobcat 4th Dec 2014, 4:38 PM edit delete reply
I'm rather fond of the tales that come out of Ursula Vernon's games. Especially the time their paladin successfully domesticated a hellhound...
Evilbob 4th Dec 2014, 7:28 PM edit delete reply
People may or may not record them. Usually the thing is that us talkin' here is like a couple of guys hangin' around a bar swappin' stories. Most of it leadup to it is either boring, tedious, or in serious need of embellishment. You guys get all the good stuff. The highlights, the hilarity, and the tweaked tales for better telling.

Trust me, this way's muuuccchhhh better. lol

(That that we don't enjoy them, but lol; it's not something everyone has the time or patience for)
Xencarn 4th Dec 2014, 11:09 PM edit delete reply
Go look up Equinity Planeshifter. May get a kick out of it.
Sureen Ink 4th Dec 2014, 11:48 PM edit delete reply
I record all of my D&D sessions. Problem is, I only get 2-3 views at a time per session, and I have no place to advertise it, so I haven't gotten anyone watching it.
Specter 5th Dec 2014, 12:56 AM edit delete reply
@ NeutralDemon, I am part way through this, and it is relevant to your question (and gives me a video) Ponyfinder Adventures!

@ Sureen Ink, (I assume on YouTube, correct me if wrong) I guarantee if you post a link to your first session (of any, I assume there is more then one), you will get a number of new views. I personally will watch every episode (I enjoy the spectators spot a lot).
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 8:45 AM I intend to play a Librarian-Epistolary of the Blood Jaguars chapter edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
*twitch twitch* Their sessions.
There's IRC logs of the Dark Heresy game I played, as well as that GM's other 40K games, but he also did streamlined, illustrated storytimes for /tg/.
The storytime threads're mostly linked from the page compiling my game's archives if you feel like reading a bunch of goofy Warhammer madness; but the first, Pimps in Space, and a one-shot or two are missing. Chronological order is Pimps in Space, Deffwotch, Squat Crusade: the Musical, Exelion, and then Excelsus. Spess Mehreen: Republican Commando is next, once time allows.
Mykin 5th Dec 2014, 5:03 PM edit delete reply
Yea, if my sessions were recorded, half of the time would be spent playing the game while the other half would be us trying to get the game back on track because we said something and it caused our DM to go into a rant. Not something I think people would want to watch.

Anyway, if anyone want to read up on stuff I was involved in (since we're sharing that it seems), I was part of a campfire rp forum that finally became a read only site after having been lost in the void for who knows how long. For those that don't know, a campfire rp is basically people taking turns telling part of a story (like those dice-less rpg systems. At least the ones that I've seen) and it made for some interesting tales. There was only two that we finished that I was a part of before the site went dark (the first one we should of ended way before it actually did and the second one was just random) and I'll put it here in case anyone is interested. I played as Dr. Ayomein and I'll go ahead and warn you that the site rated itself as Teen. Though, given present company, I doubt that matters much. Anyway, here you go:
NeutralDemon 7th Dec 2014, 4:33 AM edit delete reply
Sorry just now noticing that.
Force of habit. Put there for any there or their then go back and change it. Works great in word docs, not so much in texts and well this.
Again, sorry.
Toric 4th Dec 2014, 5:47 AM edit delete reply
Well, I had one group where any kind of stone statue, especially angels, made half the party immediately suspicious despite the fact that they never turned out to be a golem OR weeping angel.

Another group has an irrational hatred of Gazebos due to a tragic misunderstanding long ago in their gaming career.
AyinApholion 4th Dec 2014, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
Wait, did you play with eric and the dread gazebo's group? Or if it's another story, I'm curious what could give someone hate of gazebos?
Toric 4th Dec 2014, 9:39 AM edit delete reply
I didn't play with that group during that incident, but it's possible that they are the same. The story I heard was that at some point a player was told he finds a gazebo in front of him. He didn't know what a gazebo was, so he began investigating it and even attacked it at some point. End result was like an hour of nothing but someone trying to figure out and defeat a gazebo.

Secondhand story either way.
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:39 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Oh my. You may well be playing with the legends themselves.
Toric 4th Dec 2014, 1:58 PM edit delete reply
Legends? Well, I'll check the group tonight when we play to see if it's the same group, but could be an isolated event.
Guest 4th Dec 2014, 7:47 PM edit delete reply
Everyone has heard that one
terrycloth 4th Dec 2014, 10:45 AM edit delete reply
You have to kill them while they're still Gazebos. If you let them evolve into Zambonis you'll be flattened.
Robin Bobcat 4th Dec 2014, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
Ahh yes... when the players are TOO genre-savvy for their own good.
you know that guy 5th Dec 2014, 2:39 PM edit delete reply
"The druid arrives with alacrity."
"I kill him and split the alacrity among the four of us."
"Wait, I don't think that's what"
"Shut up and take your share of alacrity."
Breakfateschain 4th Dec 2014, 5:55 AM edit delete reply
I was in an Exalted game were my character developed a fear of trees, due to his past life's ex-girlfriend being a nigh all-powerful being who was a mix between Godzilla and the rape tree from Evil Dead, as well as absolutely insane and obsessed with my character. You don't want to know the details
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:40 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Well, now that's just BAITING my curiosity. Though I can imagine why you might be hesitant to go into detail...
TDR 4th Dec 2014, 6:00 AM edit delete reply
Wells and iron double doors.

For several games over a several year period there was almost always a well in a village that held unimaginable horror. EVERY. DAMN. ONE.

And lichs live behind iron double doors. all other double doors are okay.

Mr. Eaten 4th Dec 2014, 8:25 AM Down a Well edit delete reply
You don't say...?
hariman 4th Dec 2014, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
There was a starter mod in Living Greyhawk that had a chance to end up with characters having a fear of felines, which conferred a -1 penalty.
Truly Mad Moves 4th Dec 2014, 7:26 AM edit delete reply
Truly Mad Moves
Ooh! Ooh! I've got a great one!

The first-ever battle I played with my online group, I had them open crates, one by one, each of which released a single Level 1 monster, just so they could get the hang of combat mechanics without any real risk.

First monster was a stirge. Second was a stormclaw scorpion. Third was a fire beetle. At the third one, the ranger recoils in horror and disgust, saying she hates bugs. .....So, she went through the stirge and the scorpion with no complaints, but she can't handle beetles.

When, understandably, questioned about that, she claims they didn't really count as bugs, which is fair enough I guess, but since when do irrational fears care about taxonomy?

The disgust was out-of-character, until she took a step back and looked at herself, decided it was funny, and retconned it into being in-character. So we, evidently, have a ranger who has a phobia about creatures that belong firmly in the "insect" group, but nothing else.
Philadelphus 4th Dec 2014, 9:46 AM edit delete reply
Sounds about par for the course for irrational fears, actually. I myself am irrationally terrified of cockroaches, but fine with pretty much any other insect. I used to keep bees, even.
Mykin 4th Dec 2014, 10:20 AM edit delete reply
My irrational fear? Earwigs. I got an irrational fear of them when I was young from watching Star Trek 2, when I thought the thing going into Chekov's ear was one and our house was infested with them at the time. I stopped panicking about them as I grew up but they're still a "kill on sight" thing for me.

None of my DMs ever threw insects at me as monsters but rest assured, if we ever find ourselves fighting off a swarm of earwigs or even a giant one, I will be the first to insist that we burn them all with holy fire raining from the heavens till the ground itself is coated with their ashes! *Cue evil laugh accented with lightning*
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:48 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
I may not share your fear, but I share the Kill-On-Sight policy and commend your approach to dealing with horrors. Scorched earth is best Exterminatus.
I kill earwigs because they get into livestock's feed, and because when I was small I feared their pincers. I believed they were much stronger than they seemed, and merely trying to lull me into a false sense of security. I was a pretty paranoid kid; even more than I am now. I'd probably share the fear had I seen the original series much; my main childhood Trek was Voyager.
Mykin 5th Dec 2014, 9:01 AM edit delete reply
The ability to rain death upon my foes from orbit is why I love being a Rogue Trader. Its like a real life dream come true! :D

I also grew up with Voyager but new episodes were on at the same time I had Boy Scouts so I didn't get too attached to it. Mostly watched TNG reruns really.
Razomyure 4th Dec 2014, 5:48 PM edit delete reply
Ooh, me too! Although mine was beetles of any sort, because I saw literally just that one scene in the Mummy (You all know the one, flesh-eating scarabs are quite fun to watch work) when I was 2 or 3. (And it's been gone for quite a while now, thankfully.)
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 8:17 AM Retro Marathon Coming Up edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
I've always loved beetles, just because they look cool, but ANYTHING that tries to get past the skin and stay alive within the body is right at the top of my fear list. One thing I'm proud to say of my fear: it's generally completely rational.
Good movies though.
Curb 4th Dec 2014, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
I have a good one.

A long time ago in college, I was part of a small group playing the old Bubblegum Crisis RPG. The GM let us create out own team and my player was the Nene of the group, Ali. She had a thing for cats, even her hardsuit had cat features, the 'ears' were actually Hyper Sensors and the 'tail' was a weapon. Even had a big bow that was part of the flight system and the bell around her neck was part of the ECM system. There was a reason she surrounded herself with cat images, she was deathly afraid of mice, I mean run screaming in terror at the sight of them.

This didn't feature much except for some out of combat incidents done for comedy, like them having to pry her off a rather sturdy ceiling fan a few times. until the mouse boomer incident.

The GM had been planing to mess with each of our fears, we all had taken something with varying levels of reaction and he went after me first by having several mouse boomers appear. Cue the Benny Hill Chase Music as they proceeded to chase me around the warehouse while the rest of the team enjoyed the show. This went on for about four rounds till the cornered me, and well, the old saying about cornered mice work for cats as out of desperation, she triggered her Pulse Strikers, hidden in the chest of her suit and fried them! GM forgot about about the earlier jokes about her Boobs of Boomer Death.

And no, she never got over her fear of Mice, just Boomber Mice. Regular mice still sent her into grade A freak outs.
StoneCliff 4th Dec 2014, 8:29 AM edit delete reply
I instilled this into my players once in a pathfinder campaign. The known world was nothing but floating islands and flying ships after a mysterious event hundreds of years ago.

They were forced to land on a small island, where they were greeted by a man running towards them, before turning into dust. They discovered a small town in the forest, where everyone was kind a friendly. After asking around, they discovered the son of the miller was missing. After explaining to her that a man had disintergrated before their eyes, the following conversation happened.

"Oh, nonsense, dearie. I'm sure my son's just gone for a run."

"Well, he couldn't have run too far, consdiering we're on an island."

"What are you talking about, dear?" Dramatic pause as the players' eyes widen. "We're on dry land."

Cue the party freaking out as everyone in town seems tuck in a pattern. They returned to their ship to rest up. The next morning, they heard a loud scream, and watched as the same man ran towards their ship, before turning into dust....

Eventually, they discovered the town was trapped in a time loop, caused by the god of time, in order to prevent the death of a little girl. (Who was supposed to be plot important, if it wasn't for my party killing her off to 'free' the town...)

Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
They murdered a little girl?! Dang. Every similar storytime I've read up until now, on ComicFury and elsewhere, seems to have the party adopt the poor child.
StoneCliff 4th Dec 2014, 5:53 PM edit delete reply
That was my intention, but my group always has a way to surprise me. They knew that the girl, who had some form of unstable magic in her, was related to why the town kept resetting.

Their solution? She was a vampire...

So, they decided that killing her would free the town. (Technically true, but that's because the entire town aged into dust once she died.)
CmndrHurricane 4th Dec 2014, 6:37 PM edit delete reply
so instead of "kill the girl,save the world" it's "kill the girl, accidently kill everything". nice
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 8:47 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
I guess it only works when it's unplanned.
Aegis Steadfast 4th Dec 2014, 8:35 AM edit delete reply
When I play characters that're basically a self insert (I'm lousy with creation, leave me alone), often times my war with birds becomes a factor. As a pony, they tend to attack me for 'intruding in thier zone', while as a pokémon trainer it was a phobia due to an incident with an uncles skarmory (we were a family of steel trainers, the gym was our family buisness).

So yeah, birds suck.
Specter 4th Dec 2014, 8:38 AM edit delete reply
Well... this instance was a little weird at best, and pretty sad no matter how you saw it.

We were about to play a desert themed "aid the people cause it is the right thing to do" game with about nine players total. The DM wanted us to have little tidbits of story so he could figure out a few things that would keep our heroes from abandoning these people.

One of the few things we had to do was make some fears our people would need to (in some way) endure, and four of the members trying to be smart said water would be their fear (it's a desert, there is no way to find water, right?) They couldn't have been more wrong, we had to first get to the desert people, which included a LONG boat ride across the OCCEAN (which took a good couple of sessions). Basically, for 80% of the ride, they huddled together in the highest place of the boat they could manage.

Just for the sake of humor, they were all afraid of water and the following races; War-forged, Red-scaled dragon (medium sized, defect of no wings), an orc who can't swim, and a tame(-ish) fire elemental (in a bottle).

Let also be said, they were only available in one fight during the trip, but that was out of desperation.
Raxon 4th Dec 2014, 8:39 AM edit delete reply
Luna's going to need all her patience and nerve for this.

My story time is about A bard, named Harpo. He was a mute, and communicated with a horn.

Oh, don't give me that look, it was funny! Besides, nobody realized who I had made at first.

Now, Harpo was not afraid of demons, monsters, or horrible death. He was afraid... Of gnomes.

He had a mortal fear of gnomes so great that he preferred death to spending time around them. Why was he so afraid of them? Because gnomes are well known for being small and tricky, and he was afraid they would steal his horn.
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:54 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
He must really despise halflings, then... To say nothing of Kender.
Raxon 4th Dec 2014, 1:37 PM edit delete reply
A gnome once made his horn vanish for a few days. It was so horrible.
Rokas 5th Dec 2014, 4:35 AM edit delete reply
You are a sick man, Raxon. XD Don't ever change.
HenshinFanatic 5th Dec 2014, 10:45 AM edit delete reply
Oh man, the second I'd have heard "his name is Harpo" or some variation thereof I would've petitioned the DM/GM to let me change my character concept to Chico or Zeppo. Chico would be another Bard while Zeppo would be an overly serious Investigator.
Isher 4th Dec 2014, 8:48 AM Arachnophobia edit delete reply
One time, one of my players' fighters became afraid of spiders, because he thought that they were immortal.
He failed 10 attacks in a row vs. a normal spider. Just... just one of the little ones that deals 1 damage and DC 11 poison save. He couldn't hit it with his greatsword, and eventually it crawled onto him and he started punching it and still couldn't hit it. He destroys every spider he sees now.
XandZero2 4th Dec 2014, 9:18 AM edit delete reply
We've got a half-orc barbarian, "Grumph," in Pathfinder Organized Play who's become infamous for his irrational fear of doors.

But why would he be afraid of doors you might ask?

Well, you see, this all stems from the first adventure Grumph ever went on...

Okay, so as the story goes (I wasn't there for this, I heard it from Grumph's player), Grumph walked into a dungeon, and like a true barbarian - of course he had to kick in every door.

Now the only problem was that every door happened to be trapped... or full of monsters... or minions... or... Well, you get the idea.

By the end of the adventure, Grumph was barely clinging to life, after having kicked in every single door he could find - and he realized then to never trust a door again.

Doors were bad.

Bad stuff come out doors.

Therefore - all doors were inherently evil and must die.

Now, whenever Grumph encounters a door, or whenever a character even mentions the word "door," Grumph starts panicking, works himself into a frenzy, and charges anything that even mildly resembles a door. He's also collected a number of door knob trophies (from the doors he's "slain") that adorn his greataxe.

Grumph is great fun (:
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Tee hee. And here I figured I was probably playing the only half-orc with a collection of doorknobs looted from doors.
Mandolin 4th Dec 2014, 10:23 AM edit delete reply
I actually have a recent story to relate... the tale of the Dreaded Blue Carpet.

While playtesting D&D 5th edition, our party was raiding an old abandoned castle we'd found out in the mountains while searching for an ancient dwarven kingdom. Which had nothing to do with the main quest, we just went looking for the heck of it. It was that kind of party. This is a group whose solution to everything is usually to charge in and attack. ("Diplomacy? That's something we do with sticks, right?")

So after several rooms of this dingy and obviously long-abandoned old castle, we came to a sitting room covered in cobwebs - except for this pristine blue carpet, about 3 by 5 feet, which looked brand new and glowed with magic. What did the party do?

Nobody touched it. The mage wanted to cast Identify but that would require picking it up and moving it and nobody wanted to do that. The dwarven fighter poked it with his sword. My druid summoned a mouse and had the mouse walk across the carpet to see if anything happened. The mouse skittered right across the carpet with no effect. (No droppings, which prompted the suggestion, "Maybe it's a self-cleaning carpet." Our DM is enough of a troll to do something like that.) In our defense, in the last campaign we'd encountered a magical tapestry rug that was a trap - anyone who stepped on it would be pulled into the churning ocean depicted on the large rug. Still, it all became more than a little ridiculous.

Finally, one of the fighters threw up her hands, walked out on the carpet, tapped her feet for emphasis, and said, "Okay. I'm alive. Let's just take this thing out of here and identify it later. I'm claiming it as mine because the rest of you are wusses."

Then the vampire brides attacked. This was completely unrelated to the carpet. We beat them handily, although the fighter did yell at us not to get any blood on her new prize.

It turned out to be a flying carpet, and once she managed to find out the command words for it she's been carrying it on her back everywhere.

The fact that this party, the same players who got themselves into a fight with an ancient silver dragon by responding "No, we're just gathering information" when asked if we were spies, were completely paralyzed by the presence of this random blue carpet is something the DM will never, ever let us live down.
NecroLeprechaun 4th Dec 2014, 10:27 AM It that must not be named edit delete reply
Rust monster
Guest 4th Dec 2014, 3:04 PM edit delete reply
In my one campaign I drummed up a huge if found report to the adventures guild so they can come and deal with it professionally.

Although the reward for rust monster corpse managed to keep the party well stocked.
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
My 3.5 games usually started around 4th level, give or take 1, so I could usually afford crystal equipment without trouble. I took advantage of that, for flavor as much as anything else, but the DMs were too good-natured to use Rust Monsters. Or, fortunately for me, Bards casting Shatter.
Mykin 4th Dec 2014, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
There was a Halfling Monk in my group one time that had a ridiculously irrational fear of fire. He belonged to an order that was based inside of a volcano that had, as punishment for betraying said order, thrown people into the lava below. This character assumed he had betrayed his order somehow (and refused to tell us any details about it, though the barbarian that was with him at the time couldn't figure it out) and spent the rather short time of a month developing a schizophrenic-like breakdown whenever any kind of fire was mentioned. Even torches. Especially torches.

I think I've talked about how it finally came to a head when Eric (the living embodiment of fire and possibly the most powerful wizard in our campaign) just took him to his order just to get this all sorted out. He was rather annoyed that his monk was afraid of him and they did eventually cure him of his fear in a few minutes. Accidentally falling off the edge into a pit of lava with a ring of fire resistance and barely being able to climb out can apparently do that to a person. What struck me as odd though, (and one of the reasons I classify this as an irrational fear) is that he was terrified of Erik, our wizard who knew/frequently cast fire spells, of torches, fires, and practically everything related to fire, and yet he was perfectly fine with my cleric. My cleric who knew fireball and burning hands and used it as often as he could. Heck, we got along swimmingly for the entirety of that campaign and I'm still, to this day, trying to figure that one out.
Pseudonym Sam 4th Dec 2014, 10:55 AM edit delete reply
I once GM'ed a Hell-raiding campaign ("His Holiness Pope Francis I has been kidnapped by demons! Can the Vatican's finest brave the perils of the INFERNO itself to rescue the Pontiff?!"), which featured a badass Swiss Guard PC. When everyone else had assault rifles, grenades, and so forth, he favored a halberd.

He had no problem charging into the demonic ranks like a maniac (as his comrades fired directly into it). Nor did he have any inhibitions against using a subtly-whispering demonic greatsword, nor of conspiring with Che Guevara's soul to orchestrate a "Soulshevik" revolution in Hell. But there was one thing he truly feared.


When the party arrived in Hell, he landed face-first into the ground: a writhing, screaming, blood-hemorrhaging carpet of necrotic flesh, mournful eyes, and twisted mouths.

The Swiss Guardsman panicked and had a phobia of the ground thereafter. For the rest of the campaign, he would determinedly keep his eyes fixed skywards, shut out the pained moans that emanated with every step, and always seek out the closest piece of exposed rock to stand on. In his down time, he would fight the ground.

He did not sleep very well.
Jennifer 5th Dec 2014, 12:15 AM edit delete reply
This. This is hilarious. And a great campaign and character concept too.
BobbyJoeLord 4th Dec 2014, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
I've got a story of an irrational character fear, or more of an irrational character hate. So for weeks the party resident madman has been promising that his next character is going to be absolutely sane. No one beloved him but we would finally have the chance to prove himself when we started the campaign we are currently running. He comes with what on paper looks like a perfectly functional character, a stoic ex-military medic with levels in investigator. This somehow ended up being played as a spear toting self-conscience paranoid with a hate/fear of magic users. He hates magic users because he believes one caused all his hair to fall out, he’s right but don’t tell him that.
Disloyal Subject 4th Dec 2014, 11:06 AM The Horrors of Shas'o edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Well, I was reasonably alarmed OOC the first time my Dark Heresy group had to fight Necrons. I was familiar with them as horrific monstrosities to any ordinary human from the Ciaphas Cain novels, and wanted to avoid engaging them if at all possible. That didn't prove to be an option, but it turned out that, while devastating by the system's standards, they weren't really any worse than what we'd already been fighting, and only a couple of us got knocked into negative HP, with no deaths or permanent injuries.

There's also a trend in that GM's games - atmospheric flight rolls always go belly-up when the skies are clear, but even a light drizzle allows for passing rolls. It is unknown why the dice roll this way - the trend has been ongoing for at least 5 different campaigns - but it leaves pilots appropriately horrified by the hit to their pride that clear skies herald, and passengers a little alarmed by the potential to crash.
Seanpony Renaud 4th Dec 2014, 11:15 AM Uh edit delete reply
I have to step up and say Fluttershy's terror is not at all irrational. She's basically face to face with the "devil" of her universe (until the introduction perhaps of Sombra. I'm willing to accept Discord as literally above good and evil and had any of the other villians been present it would have been a very quick Enemy Mine scenario.

That said I think the best one is one about me. I had a character, technically Chaotic Evil (he wanted what he wanted, fuck the rules, fuck family, fuck everything) in practicallity he was more lawful evil (he was loyal to the useful but had no morals about what he'd do to win) Well eventually he found out that his brother (who he thought was responsible for killing his village) had only done to to spare him teh guilt of being unable to save them from the sickness they had. Anyway he found out and mostly didn't care (crazy!) eventually his brother showed up in the final battle and while they both died (dice suck sometimes) he tried.
remia1 4th Dec 2014, 3:58 PM edit delete reply
ok, so, My friends and I are fans of the games Earthdawn and Shadowrun, which are connected, with Earthdawn being an epic fantasy set several thousand years in the past, as earth gets over being invaded by beings that FASA called Horrors (because TSR got in a LOT of trouble when it had demons). Horrors are beings that feed off of the pain and suffering that they inflict on people.
The party had been tracking down one particular Horror the entire campaign, the whys and wherefores escape me at the moment (it has been 15 years or so since this particular event), and we finally track the beasty down and have it cornered in its lair, the Caer it breached ages ago during its initial appearance in this world. (a Caer is basically a fall out shelter large enough for an entire city state and how people managed to survive the demon invasion)
Of course it turns out to be a trap. We get locked in with it, and it attacks, and beats the hell out of us, then it starts to monologue.
Meanwhile our Beastmaster (a class that can magically talk to and control animals, and take on their abilities) passes the GM a note. the GM tells him to start rolling. After lots of rolling, the beastmaster writes down a 4 digit number, and hands the GM the note.
the GM then says that the characters hear a rumbling, as the horror continues talking. Finally the horror stops talking, listens, and says "do you hear something?"
at this point a colony of Quirrels (magical squirrels that have the ability to swim through earth, stone and metal), leap up out of the floor around the horror, and through the horror, each one doing a minor ammount of damage.
then more arrive
and more
and more
so many that it looked like a wall of the furry little creatures, blotting out our view of the beast. and we hear a demon scream in pain and terror.
when the cascade of critters finally stops, all that is left of the horror is a smear of blood and bits on the floor and roof of the cavern.

Fastforward several thousand years to Shadowrun
the party (same group of players, different GM) has been hired to track down a 'devil worshiper' who has kidnapped the Johnson's family, wife, kids, in-laws, etc. After a lot of investigation and some dumb luck, we track the SOB down to a good sized park, where he works as the groundskeeper. Earlier that day he had mowed the lawn in the pattern of a summoning circle, and at midnight was going to kill the family to bring forth his masters.

We get there after he has killed the mother in law (no great loss in the Johnson's eyes, we would find out later), and a rift in space and time opens before us. the killer laughs as the first of his demon masters steps forth. Our eyes struggle to make sense of the thing that should not exist, and it takes a step towards us.

and a squirrel runs between us.

the demon screams in terror, turns around and runs back through the open rift, and the rift slams shut behind it.

The party all look at one another, and open fire on the killer, turning him into salsa.

We get paid by the Johnson, most live happily ever after, the team shaman goes through a quest to switch his totem to the squirrel, with the logic being that if it scares demons it must be awesome.

the gm tells us that the 'demon' in question was the Horror from the Earthdawn game that was ripped apart by quirrels, and this had given it a fear of small furry rodents. it was just a callback to one of his favorite moments of the earlier game.
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 8:28 AM Squirrels: Fireproof Demonslayers of the Webcomic World edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
...whoa. Congratulations, I think you guys managed to play this seriously, and it's more awesome than I imagined.
Mykin 5th Dec 2014, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
This...This was epic. Well played, sir. Well played.

...Now I wonder if its too late to change my familiar to a squirrel.
Paradoxical 4th Dec 2014, 4:29 PM irrational fear -- or was it? edit delete reply
I had a bard, which was a character who could do nearly nothing. Never hit, had pitiful spells and was generally all around useless. I decided that elf developed clausterphobia because of all the monster attacks in the caves.
Gplikespie 4th Dec 2014, 5:02 PM Stuff edit delete reply
Damn, all you guys have such epic stories! My problem out where I live is that I seem to be the only DnD/Pathfinder guy left for 200 miles. Wish I had more people to rp with! RP via VoIP like skype seems to be dead.

Speaking of Misunderstandings, I was playing a Human Magister once (Combined Divine/Arcane caster, brutal OP at high levels), and we had a new player come in to the game for a session to see if he liked it.

His char comes in, sees me torching someone on the street (in self defense, we were running from some mafia type guys), and decides to use his rogue abilities to stop my "murderous rampage"

A critical hit, poison damage, and 5d6 sneak attack later, I lay dead on the ground. A char I had played for five months... and he had the nerve to ask how much EXP he got for me.

Needless to say, he didnt stick around long.
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 8:30 AM What A Dick edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Were the party at least able to get you raised?
Mykin 5th Dec 2014, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
I don't think I have that many epic stories but I'll take your word for it. As for your plight, I found a group on Roll20 that we play a pathfinder game over skype on Thursdays so you might want to try there.

Anyway, if it makes you feel better, our game store owner's son is basically the new player you described. Except he sees our DnD game as Skyrim and therefore does what all teenage Skyrim players do: Kill everything for loot and experience. As you've probably guessed, he didn't stay long.

But I do have the same question as DS: Were you able to get your character raised at least?
methermeneus 4th Dec 2014, 5:03 PM edit delete reply
Heh. I'm not one to comment a lot (yeah, yeah, bad reader, online folks only get recognition through their comments!), but one of my earliest RP experiences fits the bill for this quite well. In a VtM game, I was a Malkavian with a backstory involving being a ghoul to a vampire who pissed the Fae off something fierce, and my derangements were paranoia (Of course the Fae are out to get me! Medically, it's paranoia even if it *is* justified.) and hallucinations (specifically, random sparkly rainbows). Now, anyone who's read a few WoD splatbooks will know that Auspex 2 is Aura Perception, and that Fae have a sparkly, rainbow aura... and that Aura Perception is severely limited in how often one can use it upon a given target. Hilarity ensued, of course, particularly given that I happened to be hallucinating when scanning a member of my coterie. I started holding up horseshoes whenever she was in the room, leaving milk and bread outside her door, twitching whenever she looked at me...

And to make matters even more fun, the storyteller also had an orange tabby cat following us around that only I could see. She made very certain that there were legitimate ways for the cat to show up for me but no one else, like it popped its head out of a trash can, but dove back in when everyone else looked where I was pointing. We never finished the campaign, so I still don't know whether or not the cat was supposed to be real, but it freaked my character the heck out!
BobbyJoeLord 5th Dec 2014, 6:02 PM edit delete reply
@methermeneus On the subject of cats that may or may not be real. My party member who runs all the crazy characters. (In fact I mentioned him earlier on this page.) Once decided to run a character that had to lie all the time or take damage. He also decided to have an invisible cat that only he can see. He presented the DM with two possibilities, either the cat was a angelic being that his character had tricked into servitude, and it had in turn cursed him to always lie. Or his character was simply crazy and seeing thing. He left it up to the DM to decide.
McBehrer 4th Dec 2014, 7:15 PM edit delete reply
Not FEAR, per se, but whenever i RP I like to roll really unnecessary checks just for humor's sake. One time, my party found themselves in a small shrine, about 30 feet across, with only one, very obvious door. Like, massive stone archway.can't miss it.after a boss fight with an animated stone gargoyle, we picked up our quest item and got ready to leave. I, however, decided to make a survival check first to make sure I could find the exit. One nat 1 later, and I'm checking all the bricks on the opposite wall, mumbling, "there's got to be a way out here somewhere..."
crazyredemu 4th Dec 2014, 8:29 PM edit delete reply
Im starting to gain a real life fear that I will always be the straight man (look up the rules of comedy if you think Im talking about sex) in what ever group Im in.
Im not all that clever when it comes to puzzles and such but all the smart people in every group Im in keep playing crazy or dumb people so when Im trying to find out what some glowing sphere does or what the symbols on the wall mean the rest of the people are poking things with sticks!!!
Malroth 4th Dec 2014, 11:06 PM edit delete reply
You could always take the straight man concept to the ridiculous extreme and make an elf based on Spock or a gnome based on Ben Stien.
BobbyJoeLord 5th Dec 2014, 6:04 PM edit delete reply
One of my players has the same problem. He wants to play a crazy character. But all the other characters are so crazy that he has to be the straight man by default.
Disloyal Subject 5th Dec 2014, 6:31 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
I tried to make my Ranger the group's straight man, since more than half the party are Chaotic Neutral. (4 CNs, 2 NGs (counting mine) and a TN.) We only play once a month, so we'll see how I do - of two sessions, I diplomanced and dungeoneered the hell out of the first one, and went full BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! in the second.
Granted, in the first I was wary of pissing anyone off because we were in hell. In the second we annoyed a witch, and she pissed me off by turning us into turkeys. I didn't like having to kill well-trained hunting hounds to stay alive, or finding out that she'd done the same to many other travelers and cooked some. Not to mention that killing hounds is really hard when you've been polymorphed into a turkey.
Jobany 5th Dec 2014, 10:49 AM edit delete reply
Our former rogue in our AD&D campaign was terrified of bushes. He decided to hide in one early in the campaign and almost ended up velociraptor chow. Anytime he had to hide after that he would choose anywhere other than a bush. Pity he was eaten by an alligator in a sewer.
Siccarus 5th Dec 2014, 11:04 AM edit delete reply
No stories yet But I'm Playing as an Alchemist Detective with Hemophobia. In a Party with a Player whose last few characters were basically Khorne Berserkers with a Hard-on for Blood and Skulls, so There will be some stories to be had soon.
kiapet 6th Dec 2014, 7:49 PM edit delete reply
My sister and I started playing Hero Quest with our parents when we were pretty young. She played a character named Bungee, who was the dwarf, or the second-best fighter of the game. Naturally, she was supposed to be a tanking character for the weaker characters like the elf and wizard to hide behind. There was just one problem- my sister was too young to be able to separate herself from her character, and she was terrified of getting hurt. My parents would try to convince her that she had tons of hitpoints, plenty of armour and five healing potions and she'd be fine, but she was still convinced that if she charged into battle, she would die. So the second-best fighter in our game spent most of her time hiding behind our wizard. Now my sister is all grown up and a skillful roleplayer, but we still laugh about Bungee the cowardly dwarf.