Page 576 - The Best Worst

2nd Apr 2015, 6:00 AM in Fall Weather Friends
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The Best Worst
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 2nd Apr 2015, 6:00 AM edit delete
Who knows how long Pinkie Pie had been holding that one back. Or maybe she just saw the opportunity and had to take it, no matter how awful the pun. Maybe a bit of both.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Specter 2nd Apr 2015, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
Ha, Top Gun.


Well, I think it is anyway.


Also, I thought PRINCESS Luna would be there first choice of contacts. But, then again, that would be a little too obvious.
Winged Cat 2nd Apr 2015, 10:14 AM edit delete reply
Luna has been "socially nerfed", as it were.

There are probably still quite a few who fear she may revert to Nightmare Moon at any moment, and/or do not understand that she is no longer possessed by the Nightmare. ("Wait, why isn't she terrorizing Equestria right this minute, again?")

Aside from that, having been back for less than a year, Luna's personal contact list is still probably quite small.
Raxon 2nd Apr 2015, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
No, you can be MY wingman!

Pinkie needs a nap cycle button.
Toric 2nd Apr 2015, 6:23 AM edit delete reply
Wouldn't it be wingmane, or wingmare? Curse you fandom, for your overgeneralized alteration of nouns and pronouns!
Truly Mad Moves 2nd Apr 2015, 8:10 AM edit delete reply
Truly Mad Moves
Wingpony, according to Wonderbolts Academy.
Spiffy aka crazyredemu 2nd Apr 2015, 8:14 PM edit delete reply
No homo right?

(please let this be the right reference I think your'e making!)
Raxon 3rd Apr 2015, 2:13 PM edit delete reply
Spiffy, have I ever told you you're my hero? You are the wind beneath my kilt.
Evil Paladin 3rd Apr 2015, 4:29 PM edit delete reply
The horror...
TenMihara 4th Apr 2015, 4:38 AM edit delete reply
ALL of the homo!
ANW 2nd Apr 2015, 6:14 AM edit delete reply
That was just bad.
That was just bad.
Excuse me for a sec.
Excuse me for a sec.
(fighting noise)
Don't you hate online changelings.
Specter 2nd Apr 2015, 12:54 PM edit delete reply
Meh, some alright.

You're not going to say anything?
'*Shakes head*


Why are you guys even here? Isn't your queen looking after you?
'*Sad/shy face*
Toric 2nd Apr 2015, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
I'm actually of the opinion that having a big tough barbarian from the boonies traveling with you is a great conversation starter, and an even better way to keep your date from escaping through the bathroom window after the salad.
Winged Cat 2nd Apr 2015, 10:16 AM edit delete reply
Yes, but:

1) Does this encourage second dates? (Or first dates with others, if Plan A falls through?)

2) What if your date falls for the barbarian, and/or vice versa? Opposites sometimes attract.
Toric 2nd Apr 2015, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
It encourages second dates. And weddings. With a stick. A big stick, wielded by a big, bulgy barbarian with action flexing!

However, yes, this plan does have the critical flaw of still requiring a little personal charm to keep the date for yourself.
Grant 2nd Apr 2015, 12:22 PM edit delete reply
Well it depends. Are they looking to be the "warrior king" type of royalty? Maybe a low ranking prince whose only real chance for advancement is a military career? Someone like that might be able to appreciate a pegasus barbarian's talents a lot.
Disloyal Subject 3rd Apr 2015, 11:38 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
“When I was a fighting-man, the kettle-drums they beat,
The people scattered gold-dust before my horses feet;
But now I am a great king, the people hound my track
With poison in my wine-cup, and daggers at my back.

What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie?
I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky.
The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing;
Rush in and die, dogs - I was a man before I was a king.”
-Conan the Cimmerian

Charismatic barbarians are so much fun to build. Someday I'll actually play one.
silvadel 2nd Apr 2015, 7:30 AM edit delete reply
An Enquiry with a scar. The whole thing treats of the exotic.
Euric 2nd Apr 2015, 8:26 AM edit delete reply
So I guess today's story time is about terrible puns, jokes and funnys.

It's not really that puny, but in my current game that I'm gming my characters were exploring some dwarven mines with a dwarf named Dain. One of the players was expiring and rounded a corner, only to find five orcs staring back at her. Her face went blank and she quietly exclaimed "oh Dain"

Dain has now become a frequently used expletive in our games :-)
Guest 2nd Apr 2015, 9:39 AM edit delete reply
Oh boy. I played a minotaur knight in the first campaign I played in, and one of the main reason for that was for the pun potential. I made all the standard minotaur puns - ain't no bull, raising the steaks, stop milking it, all that kind of thing - but there was one I was particularly proud of.

My character's name was Toro Loin.

He was a knight.

He was...Sir Loin.
nathan400 2nd Apr 2015, 11:24 AM edit delete reply
Night of the garter?
Winged Cat 2nd Apr 2015, 10:10 AM edit delete reply
So there we were, trudging through diamond dog caves, admiring the arfitecture. We'd heard they had one gem of a brew, made from the trees outside: the bark had quite a bite. It took some digging to find their brewmaster, who we hounded for his supply. Eventually he caved in; in thanks, we helped him throw a rocking party.

(Parts of this may have been adjusted from what really happened.)
Freelance 2nd Apr 2015, 12:02 PM edit delete reply
While I make puns with enough regularity that they just sort of slip in and out, one just stands out.

This goes back to my human ranger. He had this ongoing feud/rivalry with an Elf assassin that thought humans are inferior.

This particular argument got to the point where he asked, "Have you ever been drawn and quartered?"

My character responded without missing a beat, "No, but I've been nickel and dimed."
Digo 2nd Apr 2015, 1:00 PM edit delete reply
Pretty much a staple of all my characters. I love bad puns so they all get in on it. Eve the monotone goth federal agent will occasionally toss out a bad one. With a straight face no less!

One of my favorites is the Chicken Slaad Sand Witch.
Venellian 3rd Apr 2015, 1:04 AM Kumiko! edit delete reply
Oh Kumiko (human Beguiler if I recall properly, her thing was to find stories, a classic bookworm pacifist, complete with the vow of peace) was funny. Three times in a row I rolled "Move Silently" for her, getting terrible results.
1) At a pawn shop, trying to sneak up the stairs.
2) Ipstairs at that same shop, trying to look around only to be caught by the people up there.
3) In the hidden basement of that pawn shop, found by the evil cult down there.

Her reaction to these? Well with the rolls of 1-3 I was getting on the die with "Move Silently" I decide a bluff check (Charisma 12, by the way)... 23+ each time.

Adult male: "Hey! What are you doing here?"
Teen girl: "I'm the entertainment."
Adult. Male: "Well, come along and meet the others, then."

And that is how the teenaged (14) pacifist nearly joined an evil cult that she was trying to stop.

Oh, and she even wound up killing almost all of them with a simple fog spell; they all got confused and started attacking, most of them winding up dead through friendly fire.

And that is how the pacifist got the most kills in the group without having to directly hurt anyone.
EricStarstorm 3rd Apr 2015, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
My Dwarf Paladin was set up to be quite powerful for a first-level character. My DM thought he was hilariously strong, so his every successful attack was given a flowery description involving extreme brutality.

This came to a head during the first boss fight. My (now level 2) character dealt the finishing blow, and I forget how much damage he dealt exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was over 20. The DM sees fit to describe in detail how my honorable and heroic paladin ripped out the enemy's heart and took a bite out of it. I saw an opportunity, and I leapt for it--I had my character put on a pair of shades and say, "How couldja be so heartless?"

I guess we were all caught up in the reverie, because we all laughed for five minutes after that.
daftdeafdave 3rd Apr 2015, 12:44 PM edit delete reply
This one amused me because of the level of coordination involved:

"Who's been giving you these missions?"

"This guy! Actually who are you?"

"I am but a messenger"

*several players in unison*

"There we go! He's Butter Messenger!"
daftdeafdave 3rd Apr 2015, 12:47 PM edit delete reply
Also thinking of playing a character called Dr Luke Arou for IWOD Werewolf. We'll see how that goes down.
Truly Mad Moves 3rd Apr 2015, 10:43 PM edit delete reply
Truly Mad Moves
Okay, here are some terrible, terrible puns: the names of the two dragonborn NPCs in my campaign. The heroic one is called Wyrdaal. The villainous one, Chon Del Aansi.

It's a good thing it's play-by-post, because if those names were spoken out loud... why, it wouldn't even be noticeable that they're puns...
Archone 2nd Apr 2015, 9:41 AM edit delete reply
Aren't the Mane Six already well known heroes at this point? They defeated Nightmare Moon, stopped a dragon from devastating the countryside... technically Rainbow Dash's presence ought to be quite interesting.

I'm reminded of that fancy party in an episode of "Firefly." A few girls teased Kayley about not having a custom tailored dress... and got slapped down hard by a gentleman. By the time Mal throws a punch and starts a duel Kayley is literally surrounded by handsome young men in uniform, hanging off her every word as she discourses on spacecraft engineering.
Toric 2nd Apr 2015, 10:37 AM edit delete reply
Heroes, yes. High Society, not really. There's not much indication of vast wealth (with the exception of Rarity's cover), and in adventure paths heroes are only ever invited to fancy high-society things if a) they have friendly aristocrat buddies looking out for them or b) if they saved the world "recently." This game hasn't really hounded on the fame of the mane 6 much; and even in the arc with Fancy Pants the high muckety-mucks didn't really recognize them.
Digo 2nd Apr 2015, 1:04 PM edit delete reply
I guess news about them does not travel fast.

Or perhaps a more interesting theory is that Celestia suppresses their identities in the news in order to protect their privacy. After all, paparazzi are a thing from 'Green Isn't Your Color'.

Also protects them from would-be evils hunting down the Mane6. Cause if the heroes get taken down, Equestria's main defense is nulled.
Mykin 2nd Apr 2015, 5:02 PM edit delete reply
We do have to remember that they did crash the Garden Party quite thoroughly and I heavily doubt anyone in high society will be amiable towards allowing them back in after the verbal beating that happened to Jet Set and Upper Crust there. Suffice to say, their reputation isn't going to be a flattering one at this point, them being heroes not withstanding.

It'll be interesting to see how the events of "Sweet and Elite" feed into this one and if our heroines will have to deal with the consequences of their actions here.
zimmerwald1915 2nd Apr 2015, 10:16 AM edit delete reply
Seeds of the plan's failure have already been planted. Rarity's planning to make "Dainty Dove" the princess.
Toric 2nd Apr 2015, 10:43 AM edit delete reply
Because Rarity's been burned by the guild, such an obvious and severe grasp at power/fame/wealth/etc. will likely result in some sort of response. Here she is, a former Thieves Guild operative, in a position of power and protection and likely with a few grudges. Because the character will likely be retired anyway, this is a setup for assassination. They would have a vested interest in stopping this, or they will very much bring her back into the fold to the point where she is beholden to them AS A PRINCESS. All-in-all, this is a recipe for disaster.
Grant 2nd Apr 2015, 12:24 PM edit delete reply
So it's a perfect campaign.
Rubahhitam 2nd Apr 2015, 4:00 PM edit delete reply
Campaign puns? I have a tendency to forget the ones I use (typically since they're spur of the moment and easily forgettable, eliciting a few chuckles and/or groans). The most memorable one I've done recently done involved the introduction of the Fighter to our party. He named his character Lord Gary Busey. My Rogue chimed in with "Oh! So you're a noble! Or is your first name just 'Lord'?"


I know, not very good. I think it was funny just for the people who were there, but if any of you got even the slightest snicker or smallest smile, that's good enough for me.

Evil Paladin 3rd Apr 2015, 4:31 PM edit delete reply
Rainbow's "God DAMN IT Pinkie!" face is the best! LOL!
Luminous Lead 3rd Apr 2015, 9:48 PM edit delete reply
I remember "Prince Whateverer". Pretty rocking music.