Page 623 - Wile E. Pony

21st Jul 2015, 6:00 AM in Fall Weather Friends
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Wile E. Pony
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 21st Jul 2015, 6:00 AM edit delete
Story Time?

Just tell a funny story. Yeah, I know that can sound a little daunting - welcome to my world. But I mean this in a more open, casual way. Just tell a story about something that happened that you thought was really funny. Maybe someone else will laugh at it, maybe not. Let's just have a good time.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



ANW 21st Jul 2015, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
Twilight and her friends represents goodness.
We can all agree about that.
But they haven't been completely good, have they?
This time around, let's do wanted posters.
Give name, an a.k.a., crimes, and the bounty for catching them.
However, it's first come first serve.
Once a pony got picked, no one else is allowed to use him or her.
(If you get stuck, you can always use your in-game selves).
Nightmare Moon
Bringer of Darkness
Bringing forth Enternal Night.
Sealing away the Princess of the Sun.
1,000,000 bits.
Night Sage 21st Jul 2015, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
Princess Luna
Princess of the Night
Allowing the Tantabus to escape
10,000,000,000 Bits
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 6:55 AM edit delete reply
Ten billion?
Was the Tantabus that dangerous?
Night Sage 21st Jul 2015, 6:59 AM edit delete reply
Does it matter? This is all for fun isn't it.

Also: Eternal Night, versus Living Nightmare... The Living Nightmare is far worse than Eternal Night.

Also, hypothetical world, where the Tantabus actually did escape into the real world...
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 7:03 AM edit delete reply
Haven't watched that episode yet, so I didn't know what it was.
Greenhornet 21st Jul 2015, 12:04 PM edit delete reply
Luna saw the poster and shouted, "What? Only a million bits?" then she added four more zeros.
PS: Is that The Great And Powerful Trixie in panel five?
Winged Cat 21st Jul 2015, 10:31 PM edit delete reply
Greenhornet: doesn't look like there's a horn on the Trixie-like pony in panel five.
Specter 21st Jul 2015, 6:43 AM edit delete reply
Twilight Sparkle
Prodigy of Princess Celestia
Use of dangerous (and highly volatile) magic, repeatedly.
100,000 Bits per a crime.
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 6:54 AM edit delete reply
Ooo, nice.
Night Sage 21st Jul 2015, 6:56 AM edit delete reply
No bounty hunter will bother then, because it shouldn't be their job to figure out how many crimes she committed, and it is also not their job to do the math. They simply collect the bounty.

By saying "100,000 per crime," the government will try and swindle the bounty hunters as well, by saying "there is only 1 recorded incident, thus the bounty is only 100,000," even if she committed the crime 5 times.
Specter 21st Jul 2015, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
Despite the fact her actions are recorded continually (from herself) and that all it would take is a single well thought out plan to get her notes (which she copies and sends to Celestia periodically). Plus note, Equestrian government is NOT American government, yeah, sure, no pony would take it.

Besides, free 100,000 anyway if you convince her to go so she can have a reason to see her mentor again.
Night Sage 21st Jul 2015, 8:59 AM edit delete reply
Never said anything about American Government. Though I could've chosen better words like "Might try" instead of "will."

Also, if Celestia is the one who is putting the bounties on pony's heads... then Twilight would've had to really fuck something up for Celestia to see her as a threat to Equestria. As such, I think a 100,000 bounty (per crime) isn't enough in that case.
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 6:57 AM edit delete reply
In game selves, you say?

Doctor Vardo "Doc" Wagon
Wasteland Surgeon

Wanted for murder of the town sheriff, grand theft of legal documents, and kissing the virgin daughter of a tribal warlord while sober.

5,000 caps (dead or alive)
Toric 21st Jul 2015, 7:23 AM edit delete reply
Pinkamena "Pinkie" Diane Pie
3,857,932,146 Bits

Wanted alive for theft, abuse of baking supplies, public disturbance, breaking and entering, unsolicited hugs, illegal cloning, destruction of property, illegal tunneling on town lands, tax evasion, Goofing Off without a permit, illicit data gathering, owning an alligator without a permit, wedding-planning fraud, and breaking every law of physics.

Caution: Erratic and extremely friendly.
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 7:33 AM edit delete reply
CharginChuck had already did Pinkie Pie.
But your's better.
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 8:02 AM edit delete reply
Also, the number of bits.
I have to ask, where did you come up with that number?
Reason, or just randomly selected some numbers.
Toric 21st Jul 2015, 10:03 AM edit delete reply
I was typing that up and submitted, only to find that someone else had finished while I was typing.

The number was a combination of being ludicrously high and random. I figured the disparity between the various crimes and the chaotic nature of Pinkie lent itself to a number that was simultaneously exact and nonsensical.
Guest 21st Jul 2015, 6:22 PM edit delete reply
Don't forget the torture and interrogation of Spike.
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 10:32 AM edit delete reply
Good one.
Quick question, what's the exchange rate for caps to dollars.
I image a bit is between one and two dollars.
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
That last one was for Digo.
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 10:50 AM edit delete reply
Well, let's see...

A fan was allowed to pre-order Fallout 4 for about 2,240 caps. The pre-order price for the game is about $60 usd. Therefore the estimated Caps-to-American dollar exchange is about 37.33 to 1.

The post-Great War economy is terrible.
Guest 21st Jul 2015, 12:33 PM edit delete reply
He pre-ordered the collector's edition for that many
j-eagle12212012 21st Jul 2015, 7:24 PM edit delete reply
And the collectors editon is $120 so the actual exchange rate is 18.66 caps= $1. Still crappy post apocolyptic economy
Winged Cat 21st Jul 2015, 11:15 AM edit delete reply
If we're doing that...

Gin Gear
Breaking and Entering (the Princess declined to press charges)
Mass Ponyslaughter (while he was indirectly responsible for the destruction of most of Zebrica, his contribution was just waking up the entity that did the deed)
Unlicensed Pyrotechnics (no matter how destructive and explosive, high pressure water is technically not "pyro")
Grand Theft: Element of Generosity (turns out it was the other way around)
High Treason (he and his parents may have provoked that war with the changelings, but it was the changelings that declared it, after which he was in enemy territory working for Equestria)
Grand Theft: Airship (somepony else interrupted his attempt, though the result was the same)
Vandalism (you take one seed from the Tree of Harmony...)

1,000,000 bits (alive but restrained)
CharginChuck 21st Jul 2015, 7:10 AM edit delete reply
Pinkamena Diane Responsibility "Pinkie" Pie
Super Duper Party Pony
Repeated infractions of the Laws of Physics and Fourth Wall violations.
How much have you got?
Greenhornet 21st Jul 2015, 12:10 PM edit delete reply
Add: "Reckless use of a party canon".
River Road 21st Jul 2015, 10:03 AM edit delete reply
Spike "The Dragon"
Treasure Hoarder
Wanted for arson, murder and jaywalking
50 Bits
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 10:29 AM edit delete reply
Arson, maybe on accident, jaywalking possible.
But when did he murder?
Plus 50 bits is a little low.
Your poster won't be counted.
Jen 21st Jul 2015, 1:20 PM edit delete reply
I'm pretty sure the 'Wanted for arson, murder and jaywalking' is a reference to the trope by the same name-
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 3:01 PM edit delete reply
I know it was, but that trope has nothing to do with this.
Spike is not here to complain about it.
Winged Cat 21st Jul 2015, 11:25 AM edit delete reply
Princess Celestia
Many aliases
Grand Theft: Equestria
Promoting Peace and Harmony
Being Boring
1 bit, plus whatever is in the treasury

Discord can be petty sometimes.
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 3:05 PM edit delete reply
I wonder what her response would be.
daftdeafdave 22nd Jul 2015, 1:38 PM edit delete reply
To give away the treasury to the ponies of equestria obviously.
j-eagle12212012 21st Jul 2015, 11:37 AM edit delete reply
Over propelling pegasi, posioning plenty of ponies, and scaring bushels of bouncing baby bunnies
Wanted Alive
42,000,000 bit's
Deliver to the princess of friendship
ANW 21st Jul 2015, 3:06 PM edit delete reply
All in one early episode.
Now that's a good wanted poster.
The Gamer 21st Jul 2015, 7:21 PM edit delete reply
Trouble Maker
"The Tyrant Pony"
Although pardoned by the Princess of Friendship, wanted for counts of high treason against the Equestrian Government.
10,000 bits (alive, but in excruciating pain)
Paid for by the Society of Patriotic Ponies
SylveKit-_- 16th Jan 2021, 8:54 PM edit delete reply
Rainbow Dash
Rainbow, RD, fearless rainbow leader
Being too awesome, exploding things, destruction of property, performing a Sonic Rainboom without a permit, insulting a Princess, talking back, being 20 percent cooler than herself, causing an infinite paradox, being hyper-competitive, pranking without a permit, pranking Fluttershy
3,141,592,653 bits
Guest 21st Jul 2015, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
One member of our group asked the DM if we could run a pirate themed campaign and eventually he decided to do it, we were testing out 4E's level 0 system and our characters found ourselves held hostage and put to work on a pirate ship. After a little while training we came across another ship and naturally attacked it, we went aboard and defeated their crew and proceeded to loot the ship, while the crew were busy taking care of everything we snuck back to our ship, destroyed the gangplank and sailed off on our newly stolen pirate ship, for good measure we shot the cannons to cripple them so they couldn't chase after us and actually managed to crit and completely destroyed their mast leaving them stranded. When we got to shore we immediately tried to sell the ship and head inland for safety but got arrested for attempting to sell a stolen ship.

Convincing the DM to run a pirate game, stealing and selling the ship and thus derailing his entire campaign in a single session was all the work of a single player. I may or may not have been that player.

The DM was not happy but the group found it hilarious.
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 8:39 AM edit delete reply
I feel for your DM, but that was pretty funny. :3
Someone 21st Jul 2015, 9:12 AM edit delete reply
Who was it, some Jack Sparrow expy?
Luna 21st Jul 2015, 6:24 AM edit delete reply
Got one, during an old d&d 3.5 campaign. One of the party member, after getting a fair amount of gold and knowing we would need to travel a lot afterward, decided that he wanted to buy a horse. Like, right now, even though it was late in game, that everybody, GM included, told him that it could wait for the next morning. He wouldn't hear any of it and kept insisting on buying his horse, for a good amount of time, until the GM, having more than enough about it, finally gave in and told him that he managed to somehow find a stable still open at the time and buy a horse.

Happy to have his way at last, that player then announced proudly "I get on my horse and parading through the whole town like a king !" We all drew a blank, then burt out in laughter as the GM explained "you're in the freaking city of stairs ! it's built on a series of pillars and there's stairs everywhere, you can't even get your horse to enter it!" XD

Had to stop the game for a good 20min, we couldn't stop laughing at that scene. And to make things worse, we pretty much traveled using teleport, his horse spent most of the campaign in the stable. ^^;
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 8:45 AM edit delete reply
Hah, that was real fail on a Perception check. :D

I played a wizard with a pony familiar, but D&D gives a lot of options for getting one's horse around. I often had Spider Climb and Levitation on tap to ensure my familiar would never get left behind.

I remember one night leaving her in a stable for "just an hour" while I went under-cover with the party on a stakeout (mmm, steak) of a crime family. We ended up getting caught and spent pretty much the entire night dealing with the family. Once we escaped the next morning, my pony familiar had pretty much beaten up every other horse in the stable, venting her frustrations at missing out on the combats I was in.

Oh yes, my pony familiar wanted to grow up to be a war horse. O.o
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
The genre was modern conspiracy and the PCs had found out that aliens infiltrated the UN building in New York. Infiltrating the building was going to be stupidly difficult because it's the UN-- security is crazy high.

So of course they waltz right in the front door by wearing suits and pretending they're billion-dollar investors come to watch the debates.

The council was in recess and the PCs found where the aliens were all at-- one of the private lounges. Well the party didn't bring any weapons, so they had to improvise. They set off a fire alarm and then beat up the security that showed up to take their tasers and handguns.

Kicking in the door to the lounge, the aliens were expecting them and a gun fight ensued. A stray energy blast from one alien scorched a hole in a George Washington painting, to which the patriotic team member shouted "No! Not the Washington!"

So then the party got into this hammy mode of quoting founding fathers as they shot up the aliens. Except they misquoted everything. Intentionally.

"Give me liberty, or give me a saving throw!" *Bang*
"Four score and seven rounds ago." *bang*
"I am not a crook!" (okay, that got this one right)

At some point a painting of Churchill was hit and the party stopped to think about it... meh, no one will notice that one. Keep shooting!

Any unlucky security that showed up was shot down by the aliens (or knee-capped by the PCs). Eventually the building was surrounded by police, SWAT, and a slew of reporters.

PC#1: "So how do we prove that the UN was infiltrated?"
PC#2: "WWJMD- what would John McClane Do?"

Two rounds later they threw one of the dead aliens out the window onto a police car. It was a pretty fun session with a lot of ham and Die Hard quoting. :D
DeltaPangaea 21st Jul 2015, 7:05 AM edit delete reply
Well this one time, our party heard some singing off in the distance.

My character immediately blocked his ears, and it turns out to be sirens.

So the party was enthralled, and he was pondering how to break them out of it. If he tried violence, he'd be outnumbered by his enthralled party, but for the moment they just sat listening.

How to break them out of their -brilliant-singing-stupor?

Doctor Ivan Hook drew upon his dark, horrible, foul knowledge...

And started singing It's A Small World. As LOUD AS HE POSSIBLY COULD.

It worked.
Toric 21st Jul 2015, 11:38 AM edit delete reply
Finally! Every Bard's dream! A chance to use Countersong effectively!
Digo 22nd Jul 2015, 4:27 AM edit delete reply
A chance to use Countersong... at all. :D
Zuche 23rd Jul 2015, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
Doctor Hook didn't suggest "Sharing the Night Together"? "Sylvia's Mother" would not approve, but "When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman" with "Sexy Eyes" and you've made the "Cover of Rolling Stone", you realize how little that will matter "Years from Now".

I thought I could come up with a few more of those, but only six tunes came to mind off the top of my head.
Specter 21st Jul 2015, 7:10 AM edit delete reply
In a D&D 5th edition heist campaign we were playing (pre-modern, pro-steam punk, so we had everything from guns to bombs), we had been trying to find a way to ruin and old member of our group who we believed to have sold us out to the authorities. Of he four party members (at the time of these events), one of us wasn't able to play that much, so their character went out and... did something.

Of the players who were present, we all sort of separated and did our own things (hooray for splitting the whole party). Our face character had gone to the heart of the whole enemy gang and got himself recruited as a fledgling gang member (after using his bardic magic to change his face). Our main magic user had actually did something to keep our cover in the city, which was to go out and purchase of old antiques of the past. Thus his adventure into the rich district got him and old slot machine (fully functional). The last member was following a lead of his to track down a serial killer in the poor district and (with any luck for this fighter) convince them to join the party and help destroy the evil gang.

The last guy ran into complications. When he arrived at the killer's last known location, a series of small floating islands just beyond the poor district, he found her, scared... of something. After further investigation of the wanted poster he had, he realized that she does look like the killer, but his gut feeling said that something else was going on. Despite the fact that she was paranoid, he flew over in his skiff and had a friendly, albeit tense, chat. It was a few minutes until he found out she had been fighting the real killer, a Nightmare who was feeding itself from people's bad dreams, who this current moment has found another large rock to throw.

So when the Nightmare threw the rock at the "serial killer" (Who was some sort of imperial agent), the player drove the skiff in between the rock and her, knocking the rock off course and far below where the rock met nothing. This enraged the Nightmare, so it looked for another rock. During that time, the player asked if the if the girl was alright, and upon conformation, he pretty much said that this place was too dangerous for now, and that it would be better to deal with this thing when they got a proper team together. All was well and good for them to leave... except their was one problem needing to be solved.

Player: "So, is the Nightmare still looking for a rock?"

GM: "Yeah."

Player: "So, is it currently unaware of our actions?"

GM: "Yeah, it's back is currently to you. Why?"

Player: "I run it over with my skiff." *Uses pushing attack* *rolls nat. 20*
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 10:53 AM edit delete reply
So... can you Sneak Attack with a vehicle? :D
Winged Cat 21st Jul 2015, 11:41 AM edit delete reply
No reason why not, if you've got surprise. Some IRL tank tactics are all about trying to pull off sneak attacks, and the damage they do if effective could be represented by Sneak Attack. And then there's the infamous "diving out of the sun" dogfight tactic, not to mention submarines.

Where it gets ridiculous (but still barely possible) is Sneak Attack with nuclear weapons. Especially on a nat 20.
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 5:37 PM edit delete reply
I witnessed PCs sneak-attacking with a tactical nuke. The BBEG never saw it coming. O.o
Disloyal Subject 21st Jul 2015, 12:18 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Absolutely. I recall one tale where a cultist is backstabbed by a Bard... with a tractor.
Apparently the poor schmuck was deaf and didn't hear it coming.
Specter 21st Jul 2015, 1:58 PM edit delete reply
In a nut shell, the fighter wanted to hit the Nightmare when it was flat-footed, so he had a chance, and so he wasn't facing them, and have the opportunity to grab the skiff (wasn't sure on how strong/fast the thing was).

Better safe then sorry.
Cyros 21st Jul 2015, 7:33 AM edit delete reply
In a Star Wars campaign I played a Massassi(one of the Sith races with no qualms about eating other sentient species), He was a brawler who had found himself working for a group of Jedi.
During one adventure to an ancient Sith temple we had to capture an Imperial ship and boarded it. After taking the ship there was a single survivor and I was tasked with interrogation.
I take him and his dead friend to the ships brig where I make him watch as I field strip the corpse for food. This resulted in so much psychological torture it earned me a dark side point. One of the Jedi also had to wipe the guys memory which earned him a dark side point too. When we land on the planet they send the guy(Now basically a servant of the Jedi) out to recon and he is captured by a crime syndicate who turns out was using part of the temple we were looking for as a base.
When I find the guy tied up in the back of a speeder I Smile, pick him up, and proceed to use him as a shield for the next few combats(Much to his terror). The Jedi were not happy about this. They untie him, heal him, and wipe his memory AGAIN, and set him up to guard the temple when we get ready to leave.
The dark aura of the area unsettles the poor guy though, and he pleads to not be left there finally using the excuse of "But it will be lonely here!". Without missing a beat and with a straight face I say "Have some friend." and offer the guy a piece of jerky...I got another darkside point but had everyone rolling.
Faen the monk 21st Jul 2015, 7:47 AM Blood Punching edit delete reply
So we're playing a Naruto based system, and the party has to protect an NPC from a blood ninja. They mess up a check, and the blood ninja drains all of the NPC's blood. The Doctor/Monk in the party uses his turn, which came next, to infuse his blood into the NPC, saving him but making the Doc pass out.

The fight moves into a different area, and the gang finally corners the guy. Then this exchange happens:
"[Doctor/Monk], We need you to punch out all of his blood!"
"I can't! I'm passed out from punching all of my blood into someone else."
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
LOL, that is a great quote right there.
Gindranis 21st Jul 2015, 9:10 AM edit delete reply
Get nice puppy
name HIM karma
he starts bleeding
take him to the vet
apparently on her period
Karma is a bitch
River Road 21st Jul 2015, 10:12 AM edit delete reply
That was a terrible joke and I really wish I wasn't laughing so hard about it.
Blueblade 21st Jul 2015, 8:52 PM edit delete reply
That's how we came up with my dogs name! (Sort of we already knew she was a she)
Someone 21st Jul 2015, 10:38 AM edit delete reply
You see, there was that one time in a postapocalyptic campaign, when I and one of our party members started an argument about what's a better mean of transport: a horse or a car(I was the pro-horse option, in case you're wondering). It was all in-character, and we were sitting in a NY bar during one of the biggest market happenings in whole GS, so there were some guys from Texas(In this setting, as much of stereotypical cowboys as they can be) and Detroit(The amounts of Mad Max-ness are exceeding the scale), pretty drunk ATM, who joined in the argument(I don't have to tell on which side, don't I?). After a flaming discussion, which turned into a bar-brawl, which turned into a regular riot, one of the PCs offered to solve it by a race from coast to coast(With participatants from each single city-state). Let me say it again: A race from NY to LA, pretty much no rules or track whatsoever, through a nuclear wasteland full of Skynet-like robots, mutants, raider gangs and whatnot. It's pretty obvious that it derailed the campaign pretty hard, creating a new one in the process?
Digo 21st Jul 2015, 10:55 AM edit delete reply
So Mad Max meets Death Race 2000? I can dig it.
Disloyal Subject 21st Jul 2015, 12:13 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
I almost pity the murderous robots and anything else dumb enough to get in the way.
Evilbob 23rd Jul 2015, 8:27 PM edit delete reply
That sounds like a hilarious campaign I could get behind. lol
Raxon 21st Jul 2015, 11:18 AM edit delete reply
Have I ever told you about my ork psionic? He was fifteen feet tall, had a spiky, bright pink mohawk, and rode a steed that had been permanently color shifted red, because he believed red things move faster.

Yep. I was playing a warhammer 40k ork in D&D. It was glorious. Here are some highlights.

He saved a princess from goblins, but left the goblins alive and told them to "be more orky."

Convinced the team he could build a flying machine to get across a canyon, because the bridge was clearly a trap. The contraption did, in fact, glide quite well. It was only about ten feet too low to land safely on the other side.

He made a cloak that was always on fire, but didn't harm the wearer. "I's don hurt me! I's no hurt you!" It did, in fact, hurt others.

Ork hugs are bad. We all learned this after he broke a flesh golem.
Disloyal Subject 21st Jul 2015, 12:15 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Dat jus' means da golem weren't proppa orky. Give 'im sum cybork bitz an' 'e'll be foine.
Toric 21st Jul 2015, 12:50 PM edit delete reply
D'as some weak 'umie t'inkin' if'n d'as all ya gib 'em! Ya gotts te add sum spikey bits and a big choppa for 'e's sumtin' good. Den ya add a burna pack an' sum Waaagh paint an' ya gud as new!
Disloyal Subject 23rd Jul 2015, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Dose is standerd isshoe. Ev'ry mekdok knows dot!
Greenhornet 21st Jul 2015, 12:53 PM edit delete reply
The time I derailed a Justice League Campaign.
Although I'm a guy, I was playing Nancy Drew because I think she's pretty awesome. Now remember, THIS ND was from the books and had lived though the Great Depression and WWII and was now in the 21st century as the leader of the JLA (Long story).
The GM had apparently seen the Justice League Unlimited episode where Darkside tricks the JLA into helping him, but in the game, when he appears in our head quarters, Captain Drew (Her WAAC rank) drew her twin .38supers and blasted away!ND had hit the alarm, bringing a squad of heavily armed solders and was now directing the superheroes' firepower at the invader. I then pulled all kinds of flare and gas shooters out of a hidden locker (Capt. Drew had reorganized the team along police/military lines) and fired PAST Darkside into the porthole which was being held open by Zatanna the magician. Of course, Darkside was only pissed off, so he knocked us all down and left.
The GM was REALLY pissed at me for derailing his campaign and said "You know what's going to happen now? Darkside's going to come back with his army and kill everybody!"
I smiled and said "No he's going to be too busy." After the GM demanded to know what I ment, I asked "We just fired a lot of bullets and grenades into Darkside's head quarters. Whoever is there will think we killed or captured Darkside and are counter-attacking. What do you think they'll do to the first guy through the porthole? Darkside's either going to be too busy healing up, or BEATING up his minions to retaliate."
The game ended soon after that.
InvisibleDale 21st Jul 2015, 12:57 PM edit delete reply
Back years ago, a group I was in had a member that was also into SCA, Her role-playing was a bit more active than most people's.
She was put in the position of watching the group dwindle away one member at a time as each member was kidnapped, Finally, she and one other (GM-controlled PC) were left and he was about to "talk" to the kidnapper. The player stood up from her chair and came around the table, grabbed him by his shirt (she was 5' 2", he was 6') and she screamed "You are not leaving me here alone!" while slamming him against the wall. He was so shocked it took him a few seconds to realize what just happened.
The rest of us were laughing so hard it took over a minute for us to get back to the game with her face glowing red from embarrassment.
aylatrigger 21st Jul 2015, 3:17 PM edit delete reply
...I probably have mentioned or told these before, but they are favorites...

For both of these, I GM or DM.

Story 1: The party comes across a prismatic wall. They are high enough level to know what prismatic walls are (or at least the basic adventuring rule of 'don't touch anything shiny without the mage and rogue okaying it first'), and probably dispel it. ...Anyway, with absolutely no rolls to dictate the actions, one of the players says: "I say 'Ooh, shiny.' and then hug it." He was instantly turned into a pile of ash. So we picked up the ashes of our recently deceased party member. ...It turned out one of the mages more powerful spells required 'ashes of a recently deceased party member'. And later in the dungeon, the player of the pile of ashes figured out the answer to the dungeon's only riddle. With only that, he was the most useful party member.

Story 2:
When last the party met, they found a large pile of gold that had been enchanted to look like those fake chocolate gold coins you get on holidays sometimes. Anyway, after feeling it they decided they were real, but they would need a wizard to dispel the enchantment.
So this session, they went to a town. After shopping and while boozing, they heard rumors of an evil wizard in a tower to the north. The wizard hadn't done anything to the town, but was a scary wizard so they were frightened of him. So the party discussed amongst themselves that they were looking for a wizard, and this guy would probably be sufficient. So they headed to the tower. On the way there, they fought a few random encounters. Then they found the tower was built underground. They eventually entered the tower, killed the minions in their way, and finally made it up to the final room, where they killed the wizard. After the fight was over, I politely asked the party if they remembered they were coming to ask for the wizard's help.
you know that guy 22nd Jul 2015, 10:26 AM edit delete reply
How did he communicate the answer to the rest of the party?
Alice 21st Jul 2015, 6:36 PM edit delete reply
Yet again I tell a tale well after most have read the comic. But what sorry would best be considered "funny"? The Oiled Hooker Explosion? The time my pixie crit failed with a lava hammer? The time I took a damsel in distress AWAY from the ball? no.

I will preface this by telling you about the current mayor of Sturmgood. You see, she is a drow by the name of Phaelin, she is originally from the underdark, but cannot go back. For reasons. She became mayor after an incident known as the "oiled Hooker Explosion" which burnt down a quarter of the city and unleashed a horde of ghouls. She and her not quite manservant, Claudio, have more or less cleared out most of the criminal elements that ruled the town for ages and are responsible for making it a decent place again.

Our party's leader, Genevieve, has pretty close ties with both of them and had helped in the rebuild herself. So thats where we went when we had our greatest defeat and needed a place to stay and restock supplies. But Gen didn't want Phaelin to know about what happened, because well... she would go a bit overboard in helping. So Claudio arranged for us to stay in the guest house without Phaelin knowing, and give us the money we need to get back on out feet.

And the reason Phaelin would never know was because she believed the guest house was haunted by "dirt children". (her word for orphans) She had somewhat of an obsession with orphans. Gen was an orphan herself, so she tried to "adopt" her. Spoilers: we are now followed by orphan ghosts.

Since we had to do a bit of research on orphan ghosts and Sturmgood was not known for it's bountiful libraries, a couple of us had to risk going to the mayor's private library. One being the sorcerer that the mayor hired as an exorcist, and the other being my character, a half mimic who could conveniently transform into an orphan. Thew mayor of course, was there, and greeted us warmly. She had assumed my character was a snack for the sorcerer, though. Thats how Buttons found out her new associate was a dhampir.

We got about as much information on the ghosts as the GM would allow, nat 20 and all that. But there was a problem. Not exactly at that moment, but latter. You see, we were going through all this because half the party had been robbed and needed the supplies. And while gathering supplies, our arcanist spent all his money on... explosives. As in, not a new spellbook. Or his lost spells. But since I had been in a library, I got to retcon this oversite.

But there is a slight problem. The mayor was in the library with us while we did the research. And she had one thing she absolutely hated: pixies. She was scared shitless of the things. She thought they could unhinge their jaws and devour people whole like snakes. It didn't help that she traveled with a pixie that could technically do that, and was the only one to ever witness the tiny creature rapidly making piles of baked goods vanish.

As for the retcon. Because she couldn't risk being recognized as a chest, my character instead, forced a spellbook into her mouth and swallowed it whole.

Luckily, the mayor failed to spot this, but had she, there would have been a pixie witch hunt.
ThatGuest 21st Jul 2015, 9:21 PM edit delete reply
Once our DM was confused why I wasn't bothered when he had a monster knock me overboard into the ocean. Then he remembered I could breathe underwater.....and fly. He repeatedly forgot those two facts throughout the campaign.
GrayGriffin 22nd Jul 2015, 8:40 AM edit delete reply
One of our PCs died in a heroic sacrifice that was trying to stop my own character's heroic sacrifice. So he had to create a new character. Since the main idea of the game was the Pokemon world and our world becoming linked together through portals, and our characters had been chosen specifically to stop it, his new character ended up being an import from the Pokemon world itself. Now, the "fish out of water" part would be amusing enough, but the way he showed up was also pretty funny.

In his first meeting with my character, he threatened her with a pointy stick and tried to interrogate her. She completely failed to be intimidated or give him any useful information, even after he backed off. She then had her Pokemon secretly call Archie (their nickname for Arceus, now occupying the dead character's body) and the poor kid found himself being lifted by his shirt collar. He then called her "Mom" and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Later on, we encountered him during the next rift opening, and saved him from several angry Water-type Monfernos. He then called my character's love interest "Dad." Much awkwardness ensued.

Even after he claimed it was just a joke, my character has pretty much started treating him as her son seriously. This has resulted in a lot of headaches when he's the most impulsive member of the party, as well as quite a few moments of maternal rage.
GrayGriffin 22nd Jul 2015, 8:47 AM edit delete reply
Also, she's been paying a bit more attention to what he says about his life on the other side of the portal now, and she now has a bit of a grudge against Oak for apparent mistreatment. If they ever meet for real, expect her to impose herself between the professor and her "son."
PoisonClaw 22nd Jul 2015, 3:44 PM edit delete reply
Something funny eh? Well, during one of my first games, the DM mentions that if an early encounter went particularly bad, he generally retcons it as being a dream so new players don't rage-quit after only one game.

He followed this up by telling a story about a group of 4-5 Lv.5 adventures loading up their pack-mule to leave town. Standing at the town entrance, the Barbarian of the group gets the brilliant idea to smack the mule on the ass and calls it something akin to a "beast of burden".

Ten minutes or so later, said pack-mule is still at the town entrance, only now it is seated upon a throne made from the desecrated corpses of said adventures, clearly having been some kind of arch-demon in disguise with how many Nat-20's it rolled.

After a moment of stunned silence, the DM begins with "And then you all awaken after having a horrible nightmare of being gutted by a mule..."
Dragonflight 22nd Jul 2015, 11:13 PM edit delete reply
You know... it just occurred to me.

If Twilight is #42, does that mean she's the answer to the ultimate question of Life, The Universe And Everything?
Disloyal Subject 23rd Jul 2015, 10:39 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
She also made her debut on a day whose date adds up to 42, has a total of 42 points on all the stars of her (pre-Ascension) cutie mark, and probably one or two other things I'm forgetting.
Zuche 23rd Jul 2015, 3:30 PM edit delete reply
Indirectly. The answer is magic. The question is, "What is friendship?"
Mikoc5 15th Oct 2022, 2:09 AM edit delete reply
I have a funny story back from my BF Alex's Witcher-style character games. He's gotten his hands on a few simple spells he could cast on, including a door-opening spell transcribed as "DOP".

For whatever reason, he'd came accross a pair of NPCs hauling a Komodo Dragon in a cage. After a bit of negotiation, Alex decided that the captured lizard ought to be decaged. While distracting the two NPCs with negotiation...

Alex: "I cast DOP on the Lizard."
Me: image
Me: "The lizard opens its mouth as wide as it can manage."