Page 642 - The Dream Job, Part 3

3rd Sep 2015, 6:00 AM in Intermission 6
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The Dream Job, Part 3
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 3rd Sep 2015, 6:00 AM edit delete
For those not in the know, this is where the comic canon starts to take left turns from the show canon in a lot of readers' eyes, or at least makes it harder to reconcile. Quite a bit of debate happened as a result. The main goal here, as always, is to poke fun at all that.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Guest 3rd Sep 2015, 6:04 AM edit delete reply
So, story time, a time when the bad guy was just bad for bad's sake
Raxon 3rd Sep 2015, 6:29 AM edit delete reply
Do bad PCs count? Because I have a story.

In a modern game, we had basically unlimited access to a military munitions dump. I created what was deemed a "war crime in training" as I basically nuked five square miles of enemy territory.

See, I spent two months burying remote bombs near an enemy stronghold. Too heavily fortified. So I proceeded to troll the hell out of them. When the bombs were all planted, there was 5 kilos of C4 buried every 5 meters in a huge, huge grid. Yep, a few tons of C4 there.

The problem was, how do I lure them out of their stronghold? This was something I had been struggling with. These were not ideological terrorists, I couldn't lure them out something offensive. Also, I needed to get a lot of them out at once.

Then, I got an idea. An evil, evil idea. I took something I saw somewhere in an anime, and decided screw it! I'm gonna scare these assholes into a fight!

Their scout patrols began to see some disturbing things. Dead animals with ritualistic mutilations, the bones of children, and a live skinned horse, running around, randomly attacking their patrols. Yeah, they got scared. Then came the fun part!

I decided to crank up the horror factor, and tranqed one of their patrols. They were sent back, heavily drugged. I had drugged them and skinned them, and swapped their skins. They were so doped up when they arrived, they had no idea. They died, but holy hell was the whole base angry and scared. They were dealing with some kind of insane psychopath!

Then came the fun part. I sent an old woman to their gates to beg for money. The woman's clothes were covered in a lethal poison. When she was ejected, the two men died. The old woman died, and I made a motorized, horrifying, moving art sculpture outside their gates. Then I did something similar to the corpses of some nearby orphans, rigging their arms to stay pointing straight out, then cutting off their arms and the elbow and motorizing them so the kids would "crawl" up to the base. Then recorders on them would begin begging the soldiers inside, "Save us, save us! Please kill us!"

After six months of escalating this show of horror, I began to let them see me. Dressed in all black, with a pure white, featureless mask. At one point, a patrol was returning, they were within sight of the base, then they stepped into my snares, and were dragged, kicking and screaming, into the jungle. They were found the next morning, leaning against the gates. They noticed they weren't moving, but they brought them inside. Their eyes, noses, and mouths were sewn shut. They proceeded to cut the thread, releasing cockroaches. Thousands of them. I had skinned them, sewn the skin back together, and then filled the skinsuits with roaches.

I pulled out all the stops. We had to stop a few times for breathers after I described some of the displays of horror.

Well, the last straw came when I began amassing an army in that area in view of their towers. The same place my C4 was buried. I called them up on the radio, and told them I was the hell maker. I gloated over their terror, and said they couldn't do a damn thing, they were so scared of me. I taunted them, telling them that me and all my buddies were going to have a game of paintball, right there in their territory, and they were such pussies, they didn't have the balls to tell us no.

This pissed them off to no end. In short order, they sent their full combat force to completely wipe us off the face of the Earth. Then, I, far away, pushed a button, nuking a small local village folks, along the the enemy's full force.

I'm sure you can appreciate the look on everyone else's faces when they heard me say, "I push the button, and blow up the whole field."

Private Kilkenny Andarest was officially retired after that, but they say, if you go out into the jungle, you can still hear the crazed, laughing profanity.

What? I was told to make my character super evil. I made him super evil. It's like they were expecting an evil character in what was essentially Full Metal Jacket: The RPG to just go around punching people and just being a dick.
Toric 3rd Sep 2015, 7:34 AM edit delete reply
So...were you actually with the party or just pitted against them? And also, man you have way too much time on your hands. It feels like you spent way too much effort on a single town.
Greenhornet 3rd Sep 2015, 12:21 PM edit delete reply
Remember how I said Raxon's posts were MY nightmares?
(Points) "Evil! EVIL!!"
Disloyal Subject 3rd Sep 2015, 4:12 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
You call them nightmares. He does occasionally cross lines that bother me, but this is gold.
Can't blame you for being unnerved, but we horrible people are too busy laughing.
hariman 3rd Sep 2015, 11:44 PM edit delete reply
Not my nightmares. But definitely ick to me too.
Raxon 3rd Sep 2015, 1:11 PM edit delete reply
I was with the party, but the GM decided I needed a solo scouting mission to case the massive underground enemy base.
ishidan 3rd Sep 2015, 10:28 AM That guy has got the right idea...he wore brown pants. edit delete reply
Hell of a story as usual Raxon.
But now I am imagining the climax being better.
So the enemy force storms into the village, one of the troopers spots a black cloaked and masked figure and wastes no time blowing him away.
they celebrate how easy that was, and their LT comes to collect the body.
Of course it is immediately obvious that they just fell for the good old "dress some poor sucker up in your outfit" gag. But with a twist. On the duct tape covering the patsy's mouth, there is, scrawled in sharpie, "LOOK DOWN".
The LT does, and spots the buried block of C4 between the patsy's feet, complete with movie-style beeper and LED light attached.
The LT turns to order a retreat, when the LED lights up and the beeper beeps-and so do hundreds of others in a perfect grid.
cue movie style 5 second beeping delay, THEN BOOM.
Kira 4th Sep 2015, 9:11 AM edit delete reply
i swear this is the third time you told this story.
Raxon 4th Sep 2015, 4:13 PM edit delete reply
It is but the first time here. Over at RandomRex's comic, I posted it. Then later iwas asked to repost it.
Desparil 4th Sep 2015, 10:31 AM edit delete reply
The game ended after only a few sessions, but my group once had great fun playing an evil party in D&D.

Backdrop is that 3/4 of the party were divine classes in the service of Tiamat, my character was a doppelganger illusionist and collaborator. The goal was to conquer a fortified town whose Lord Mayor was a powerful paladin of Bahamut.

A siege was out of the question because they had allies near enough to relieve the siege before the town ran out of supplies. Also, sieges are either long and boring or you just end up fast-forwarding through them, so they don't make for great gameplay.

What we decided to do is to go in ahead of our army, sow unrest and confusion, and generally weaken their defenses in preparation for a blitzkrieg. I was already the man on the inside, and with my connections - we started at level 5 or 6 IIRC, and my backstory was that I had impersonated a wealthy merchant, stolen his life, and slowly disposed of the rest of his family and partners to consolidate one of the largest commercial enterprises in the region - it was easy to get the party inside. That's when the real fun began.

First, we decided to make the populace afraid. We rounded up the worst criminals the city had to offer. Being a city whose mayor was a paladin of Bahamut, we didn't have a lot to work with, but the job we had for them wasn't complicated. All we wanted was for them to brutally murder all the hobos, drifters, drunks, homeless people, and hapless solitary nighttime pedestrians that they came across, and to all leave the same "calling card" - cutting out the victim's right eye.

We paid them per eye, so by the end of it we had a huge sack of eyes in various stages of decomposition. I can't remember the specific location in town, but when we had enough, we left them somewhere conspicuous so the townspeople and the mayor would all see our handiwork.
Desparil 4th Sep 2015, 10:32 AM edit delete reply

It's been a long time and I can't remember all the details in between, but at some point we raided a city armory at night for disguise materials and torched the place on our way out. We also offed the harbormaster, and using my doppelganger powers I took his place. Then when the mayor was giving a speech in front of the temple of Bahamut to try to calm the fears of the populace, the DM threw us a curveball - pirates attacked!

Now this group of pirates had some crazy powerful magic cannons; we're talking the equivalent of 15cm HE artillery shells, leaving 15-foot diameter craters where they strike. With that in mind, this pirate group's MO was basically to demand protection money from the towns they visited.

We wanted the city relatively intact, so we helped fight them off. Fast forward through us getting onto the ships and taking out the guys manning the cannons, then defeating the captain and her first mate. They surrendered, and while everyone was mulling over what to do with them, it occurred to me that everyone had used up all of their encounter and daily powers, so if I acted fast no one would have any unexpected tricks up their sleeve...

... so I used an at-will spell with a push to knock the mayor into the harbor, then proceeded to shoot him until he was unconscious; unconscious was all I needed, because after that he sank like a stone. The rest of the party cut down the only remaining town guard in a single round. The captain of the guard was already unconscious a short distance away from wounds he sustained fighting the pirates; we also stabbed him a lot and then sent him to sleep with the fishes.

We did this all with the captured pirates watching, which did wonders for our credibility when we gave them the ultimatum to become our vassals or die.
Sureen Ink 4th Sep 2015, 1:41 AM edit delete reply
Does wiping out an entire city of thousands of people to use the cities souls as a phylactery to transform yourself into a lich count? If so, then yeah, the queen of one of my cities in my D&D campaign did that.
daftdeafdave 5th Sep 2015, 1:42 AM edit delete reply
Lets see, I've done bad for religion's sake, bad for SCIENCE's sake, bad for money, booze and hookers' sakes, bad because it's the most efficient way of doing my job and bad so that senpai will notice me. Don't actually think I've done bad for bad's sake.
Gden 3rd Sep 2015, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
That thing above was me, btw
Digo 3rd Sep 2015, 6:28 AM edit delete reply
Wait, so if the guest was you, are you a changeling? Or was that changeling a guest pretending to be you? ;)

I can't think of any of my villains that were bad for nothing more than fun. They all had their motivations and background stories. Several were reformed by the party, others died believing in their own ideas...
Raxon 3rd Sep 2015, 6:47 AM edit delete reply
I posted one above. Now, he wasn't being evil just for the hell of it, he had a reason. That said, I made it so unnecessarily evil as to necessitate new war crime laws.
Disloyal Subject 3rd Sep 2015, 4:18 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Mine are usually evil out of fear. Due to their pasts, they're justifiably paranoid and have minimal sympathy for others, so everyone is a threat.
Go too far into evil, though, and regardless of what pushed you there, you might find yourself enjoying it. Some of them stop short of that, through the party's influence or direct intervention or by taking a moment to consider their ideals and convictions. Others... Well, evil is a slippery slope. Stapling an intern's fingers together just because you can definitely counts as 'evil for evil's sake.'
Specter 3rd Sep 2015, 7:51 AM edit delete reply
Long story short, Our group was playing an evil campaign, and we were told to make an evil back story. Group's mentality runs with excessive kidnappings or robbery, I wiped out the denizens of an orphanage (on a dare).

Cue about twenty sessions later (and a few in-game years) where I stumble to an orphanage. Yes I killed them, cause that's simply what I do (and for the fact that my character has shown no moral in killing a number of evil children so far), except for one kid in that orphanage.

My character has aspired to be of some influence to the next generation, so "adopted" one child in particular, so that I could teach them everything I knew of the trade. The GM, some of my team members, and some part of my inside squirmed.
ASG 3rd Sep 2015, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
@Newbiespud: Thanks for the explanation of what I'm seeing here. As I mentioned in a comment on the previous part, I'm a rather recent member of the MLP fandom so it helps to have some context (you can thank your delightful webcomic for getting me interested in MLP in the first place :) )
Digo 3rd Sep 2015, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, this was the weakest story in my opinion. and it was pretty tough to follow the previous act of Queen Chrysalis' return which wasn't bad. The writing does get better though.

And then Reflections stabs you in the Feels.
Mykin 3rd Sep 2015, 2:01 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, that wound that Reflections left me with still hasn't healed properly. It's freakin Equestria, after all! Why couldn't they work something out?! WHY?!

*Ahem* But yeah, even though I tend to love everything Luna is in, this one is my least favorite of the bunch. Not that I have any malice towards it, mind you. Just didn't enjoy it as much as the some of the ones that came after it.
Adser 3rd Sep 2015, 4:44 PM edit delete reply
For me it was a great story that allowed me to explain a lot of things from the story:

1) It gives us a reason why Luna became so much more powerful other than "hey shes crazy so she becomes stronger"

2) IT DOES NOT DENY LUNA FAULT IN ALL THIS. The nightmare forces need a willing (at least a bit) host, Luna bitterness made her accept them, even if it went completely out of her control it still was her will behind Nightmare Moon.

3) It explains the whole "eternal darkness" plan and Nightmare Moon way of acting. In the comics the nightmare forces work like an inverse symbiote from spiderman, instead of being the host influenced by the symbiote is the symbiote being influenced by the host. The eternal night plan is great for the nightmare forces so thats why NM is going for it, but the large ham tendencies and the unwillingness to really hurt her subjects comes from Luna.
Random Person 3rd Sep 2015, 5:29 PM edit delete reply
Except, I think that she made the nightmares. In the show, we see Luna cause a solar eclipse, a conjunction of sun, moon, and earth. A conjunction, that due to the use of magic,had not occurred in hundreds of years. Conjunction in any setting cause a great release of magic. With several times worth of magic caught in limbo by unicorn magic, when Luna forced the eclipse, it was a release at once. Magic and electricity take the path of least resistance. That path being the magic controlling the moon. Luna feelings of anger and envy where given a life of there own and took total control of her.

Of course this is only my hypothesis. The only way it can be proven/disproven would be for another character to wrestle control of the moon from Luna and force another eclipse. Would certainly be interesting to see.
Borg 3rd Sep 2015, 8:24 PM edit delete reply
People had been theorizing about the Nightmare that possessed Luna since 2010, I'm pretty sure. Certainly they started long before I joined the fandom in mid-2011. So I don't know why some people are so broken up about having the comics come down in support of the most prevalent theory.

Granted, the story's weak, but it's not the only one that suffers from that. I'd take this arc over Micro-Series #2 or Friends Forever #1 any day, for example. The comics seem to be more variable in quality, and there's no more a shortage of strike-outs than there is of home runs.
Guest 3rd Sep 2015, 6:29 AM edit delete reply
Dash explains why so many people can't enjoy the Luna comic in three panels!
Stephen Gilberg 3rd Sep 2015, 9:04 AM edit delete reply
Aww, Linus van Spike!
ANW 3rd Sep 2015, 9:38 AM edit delete reply
Rules for best of the best.
1. One vote each. If you are not clear enough, the first name will be your vote.
2. Once the winner is decided, he/she cannot be voted for again.
3. In the case of a tie, I'll be the tiebreaker.
4. All charthers must be canon and fit the category. No OC's. EQ Girls counts in my mind.
Good luck!
Ishidan 3rd Sep 2015, 10:11 AM Tantabusted edit delete reply
So this is what the comics did with this idea--did this come out before or after the Tantabus episode?
Also, I found the Micro Series Compilation #1 in the local library yesterday. I was ROLLING, because in it I found references to:
--Blade Runner (Rainbow Dash segment, where weather gremlins steal Batty's death line almost word for word)
--Batman: Year One (Rarity's segment, lineup of arguing televisions)
--Watchmen (Pinkie's segment. Just...ALL of Pinkie's segment. Great Clown Ponyacci.)
and of course terrible puns (AJ's and Twilight's segments.)

This is why I love this series.
Digo 3rd Sep 2015, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
That is one of the BEST things about the comic series-- lots of references. They also seem to have a little more wiggle room with the kind of stories they can tell.
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 6:31 PM edit delete reply
You were laughing because the writers threw in some shit that you were already aware of, in the place of actual writing?
FanOfMostEverything 3rd Sep 2015, 10:36 AM edit delete reply
And this is one of the reasons why I go by the "many parallel worlds" theory for pony canon. The movies established that parallel universes are a thing; it's a small leap to think that some of them would be near-identical to Equestria save for a few details.

And that's how I make all fanfiction canon. Just not necessarily all in the same point in spacetime.
Disloyal Subject 3rd Sep 2015, 4:25 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
At this point that's my default approach to fiction in general, but it might actually have been a pony fanfic that made me notice I was doing it.
ASG 4th Sep 2015, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
Especially when the fanfiction happens in a universe that is still ongoing. Stuff can happen in later episodes/movies/whatever that invalidates whatever happened in the fanfic. So the fanfic becomes an AU by fiat.
Venseyness 3rd Sep 2015, 11:47 AM Evil for evil's sake edit delete reply
Where's the respect for true evil you say dashie? Maybe you should talk to lord insertnamehere.
Evilbob 3rd Sep 2015, 11:48 AM edit delete reply
Soooooooo... was that last episode about the whole "I create my own worst nightmare because I won't put aside my guilt" thingy by Luna a sort-of reconciliation/bridging of the comic story and the show canon?
Digo 3rd Sep 2015, 12:38 PM edit delete reply
I doubt the two stories are related in any way.
TroubleMaker 3rd Sep 2015, 4:28 PM edit delete reply
OR ARE THEY?!? (dun dun dun)
j-eagle12212012 3rd Sep 2015, 7:27 PM edit delete reply
Yes I believe that's what they did
terrycloth 4th Sep 2015, 12:13 AM edit delete reply
Well, I think it was confirming the comic's canon. They were never really at odds. 'Nightmare Moon is a separate creature' was the *more* common fan explanation before the comic came out.

It's not like the changelings, where every fanfic has them as secret good guys and the comics painted them as an irredeemably evil soul-devouring race of undead.
NightWriter 4th Sep 2015, 1:44 AM edit delete reply
See, I'm of the opinion that they sort of bridged that with the Nightmare Moon issue of the 'FIENDship is Magic' series. The nightmare creatures in the Nightmare Rarity arc are the native inhabitants of the moon that Luna herself corrupted after being banished there.
ksclaw 3rd Sep 2015, 12:36 PM edit delete reply
I remember someone I once knew, who played a lot of DnD. He told us about this character he had, whose alignment was among the 'evils', though I can't remember if it was True or Chaotic. He was a necromancer, and he had so much fun being nasty about it, that he had a bone crown made of baby femurs. His actual words, I swear. I think he told us that he even did a whole campaign that included his character harvesting those femurs.
ksclaw 3rd Sep 2015, 12:37 PM edit delete reply
^"Us" being me and some other people in a skype group chat.
LegendofMoriad 3rd Sep 2015, 11:52 PM a soft spot edit delete reply
I'll admit I've got a soft spot for this comic set, if for no other reason than it was the one that got me to read the series in the first place. I'd already been observing the fandom, about the point where I watched all of the show out at the time (end of season 2). I noticed a great deal of art coming out about a certain character introduced in this arc (*spoilers*), and decided it was worth investigating. I now own digital copies of all the comics (ok, I'm a little behind). Good introductory arc, but not the best by a fair margin.
Kira 4th Sep 2015, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
I do agree though if your going to be evil be evil.

it's more a state of mind then an alignment and it's extremely difficult to make it work well

Id qoute Richard from LFG as an example when hes not being silly or random hes pretty evil .

Overlord from the first overlord game is another example it's not just being a monster it's more then that

I'm tempted to call it true evil knowing it's wrong and doing it anyway

Really wish they would stop playing richard for laughs in LFG the court arc made him actually respectable then they bring up his power loss then find ways to just draw it out longer *sigh*
drachefly 4th Sep 2015, 10:19 AM when? edit delete reply
> this is where the comic canon starts to take left turns from the show canon in a lot of readers' eyes

At no point did it ever seem to me to line up to canon...
ASG 4th Sep 2015, 11:01 AM edit delete reply
So what exactly is considered canon or is that too much of a hot topic (don't want to be known as the newbie who sparked an argument). My only exposure so far has been the FiM series (which I am still catching up with). Haven't seen the movies yet or read the comic (the latter of which I didn't know existed until a few days ago).
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 6:33 PM edit delete reply
Except this fits perfectly with the canon.

When the six friendship'd Nightmare Moon, it didn't destroy her, it banished the evil part of her.

Therefore, the evil part of her had to be separate from the normal part.
Guest 11th Mar 2018, 6:38 AM edit delete reply
I agree with RD. One of the things I disliked most about the Nightmare Rarity arc was that it made the Nightmare forces a straight up possession thing. It wasn't Luna's fault anymore
BlackWidower 21st Oct 2019, 8:59 AM edit delete reply
Find it odd you said, "this is where the comic canon starts to take left turns from the show canon in a lot of readers' eyes." Because this is the second story in the comics. Is only the first one considered canon?