Page 647 - The Dream Job, Part 8

15th Sep 2015, 6:00 AM in Intermission 6
<<First Latest>>
The Dream Job, Part 8
Average Rating: 4 (4 votes)
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Newbiespud 15th Sep 2015, 6:00 AM edit delete
It's always scary when the loonie has a plan. It's even scarier when the loonie's plan actually works. It's scariest of all when the loonie's plan just looks like it's going to make things worse, which is why the loonie usually gets tackled by the rest of the party before they can finish their actions. In my experience, anyway.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Raxon 15th Sep 2015, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Speaking from experience, if the loonie can't possibly make things any worse, let em try. At the same time, if your loonie asks for noodle implements, be prepared to witness a miracle. I am not joking, you would be amazed what a looney can do with a couple magic items and a sack of bovine testicles.
Digo 15th Sep 2015, 6:42 AM edit delete reply
I'm usually down with noodle implements, and I've used my fair share of them; frying pans, paper airplanes, etc.

That said, I reckon that any loony in one of my games who attempts to enact a plan that involves the reproductive organs of cattle would likely be met with an aborted plan more than amazement. Cause ewww.
█████ 15th Sep 2015, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
I'm imagining one heck of a fricasee; possibly to feed the ancient, ravenous guardian and turn it not-guarding and non-ravenous?
Robin Bobcat 15th Sep 2015, 2:28 PM edit delete reply
Bag of holding.
Large pile of wet manure.
Delayed Blast Fireball.

"Hey what's in he-OHGODNO"
Greenhornet 15th Sep 2015, 3:15 PM edit delete reply
Haven't seen it in a game (Yet), but I've heard of magic-players passing notes while in prison WANTING the guards to intercept them.
"Let's see... it says 'this note will self destruct before you can say--'" (BOOM!)
Sheepking 16th Sep 2015, 10:08 AM edit delete reply
My Wizard has a note on the front of his spellbook that says, "Warning: Randomly selected pages in this book are written in Explosive Runes. I can read them safely. You can't. Good Luck."
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 6:52 PM edit delete reply
Bags of Holding hold objects. They can not hold spell effects.
Digo 16th Sep 2015, 5:15 AM edit delete reply
I suppose you could have the bag hold the manure and then use a Contingency spell to have the DBFireball go off when the bag is opened.
Winged Cat 15th Sep 2015, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
In a situation not too unlike the one in this comic strip:

"(The loonie) sulks as you argue. She slinks toward the back of her cell. You can no longer see nor hear her."

Some time later, when the PCs finally open their cell doors:

"(The loonie) is no longer there. Nor is part of the back of her cell. Just as you notice this, the floor shakes and every alarm in the facility goes off. The guards you were sneaking up on get paniced looks and run away."

An inspired loonie can, at times, do so much of the GM's work. The GM just has to let it happen, and make sure this isn't cutting short something the other players were looking forward to.
nathan400 15th Sep 2015, 5:57 PM Just a guess, but edit delete reply
That sounds like the recipe for instant unending bull stampede in a bag.
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 6:46 PM edit delete reply
Keep trying. Maybe one day, you'll learn that "random" nouns don't actually constitute humor.
Raxon 15th Sep 2015, 7:55 PM edit delete reply
It's not random, what seems like random crap for noodle implements in games often becomes some type of, if not devastating, at least moderately effective tool or weapon.

Let's see. I think the magic items I used were a horn of force(a homebrewed weaker version of a horn of blasting), or something like that, a modified bag of tricks, soverein glue, and a duffel full of bovine testicles.

I reasoned to the DM that a bag of tricks works by storing the beasts inside a pinball sized holding field, otherwise, they would not be able to be pulled out, even if the inside was like a bag of holding. The moment they're released to the air, they are released from the dimensional containers, which explains why you can throw a rhino.

So I modified it to hold the testicles, instead. I connected it to the horn of force with the sovereign glue, and boom! I had a testicle gun. Now, bear in mind that the testicles were literally the most convenient thing on hand, since I could get hundreds of then for pennies where we were, and the DM would not allow me to use stones, wooden stakes, iron bullets, or anything like that. The whole thing dealt 2d6 damage. With this weapon, I managed to take down a drow scouting party.

I was also not allowed to use holy avenger greatswords or pointed fence posts as ammunition.
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 8:59 PM edit delete reply
I was not referring to this specific example, but good job missing the point.
Zuche 15th Sep 2015, 10:20 PM edit delete reply
It's not easy to hit a target hidden under the table. Less cryptic, please?
Super Kami Guru 16th Sep 2015, 12:02 AM edit delete reply
I don't believe this person has yet had the pleasure of 'meeting' Raxon. Long story short: there is no point with Raxon beyond pure, unadulterated lunacy. And yet, it's all hilarious.
Guest 16th Sep 2015, 6:36 AM edit delete reply
I don't need to. He's the obnoxious kid in middle school that doesn't know when to shut up, but he thinks people are laughing with him, because anyone who is honest with him gets detention for "bullying".

You probably think Monty Python is genuinely funny.
Albedoequals1 16th Sep 2015, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
It was so tempting to leave my name blank and say something stupid so it would look like you said it. Fortunately, I am better than that (Though just barely)

Sense of humor is not something you can change or predict. Just because you don't get a joke doesn't mean it's not funny. And what you find humorous may not appeal to anyone else. Most of all, there is no basis for evaluating someone's personality by their sense of humor; many of the brightest people laugh at the dumbest jokes.
Guest 16th Sep 2015, 11:09 AM edit delete reply
"You don't think it's funny, so you don't get it!!!!!!!!"

Thank you proving my point. Your sense of humor has not progressed past the sixth grade.

Humor is not reciting things you saw in television or movies or video games. It is not "LOOK AT ME GUYS WOW I'M SO ZANY BECAUSE I LIKE BACON". This is not a matter of opinion.

And yes, you can judge someone's intelligence and personality by their sense of humor.
Calypso 16th Sep 2015, 1:35 PM edit delete reply
I don't think it really matters if he is funny or not, Raxon goes beyond that. He is a key character, vital to the spirit of our little community. Plus, unlike you, I've never seen him pick a fight. Even if I don't always laugh out loud at his jokes, I don't point it out, ruin other's fun. It is pointless, a net negative for fun in the comments section.

Also, insult Monty Python? How dare.
Raxon 16th Sep 2015, 4:25 PM edit delete reply
To be fair, Monty Python tended to be hit and miss. Some skits were really good, while others were not so great.
Flashpoint 16th Sep 2015, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
I don't see the point in all this.

It's obvious the things you've posted are going to incite a negative reaction in a large portion of people here, so I don't understand why it was done. Even if it is a troll, I don't get the point of that either.

Why go out of your way to try and make someone else's day worse? What do you gain from it? Some kind of sick personal satisfaction? Are you trying to fill the requirements for some kind of superiority complex you have?

I can't think of any reason for this kind of behavior because no one truly benefits from it. Why not be putting that energy towards making other people's day better.

Hell, making someone else's day better can make yours better at the same time. Even on bad days, there's no reason to bring other people down with you.
Technature 17th Sep 2015, 2:12 AM edit delete reply
Holy shit, I've never seen a more obvious troll.
Digo 15th Sep 2015, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
I want to run a D&D encounter solely to have a balor accept a dance fight because "his street cred is at stake". :D

I like playing the loony, but I also have practiced how to be crazy in ways that won't make the situation worse for the other players. It's not fun when they get punished for me being silly (well, silly without a good plot reason anyway).
FanOfMostEverything 15th Sep 2015, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Street cred means everything in the Abyss. How do you think the demon lords hold onto their turf?
Toric 15th Sep 2015, 7:24 AM edit delete reply
I guess I had them pegged more for Rap battle that Dance battle. But then, West-Side Story does beg to differ...
Digo 15th Sep 2015, 9:02 AM edit delete reply
Also, I find it easier to dance than to rap. :3
Desparil 15th Sep 2015, 7:43 AM edit delete reply
Just don't challenge Orcus to a dance battle; no one has ever beaten him and his undead horde's rendition of "Thriller"
Toric 15th Sep 2015, 8:19 AM edit delete reply
That's only because 3.5 Kevin Bacon hasn't shown up with his stick-up-the-ass-removed posse
Digo 15th Sep 2015, 10:21 AM edit delete reply
Um... with really good Grapple checks?
Specter 15th Sep 2015, 9:09 AM edit delete reply
I get the feeling that loony in this case stands for fun, unexpected. and can't stop talking. I have been in a few games where that would be relevant, but they were less then useful in the end (such as "using a large pie to smuggle in thieves to a dragon's lair, and the dragons just eat the pie immediately". TPK by hunger).
DallyDaydream 15th Sep 2015, 10:20 AM edit delete reply
You wouldn't happen to be talking about a certain cybernetic donkey, I'm sure... :P
j-eagle12212012 15th Sep 2015, 4:31 PM edit delete reply
That sounds like what Spudd was getting at.
Speaking of that I'm almost caught up on Fallout is Dragons (I'm on session 39 and although I like all the charecters, Flotsam is still my favorite [especially after flot in a box ^_^] )
@Dally or @Newbiespud
With summer over does this mean AKCodeman will be back soon and new sessions of Fallout is Dragons will be starting up again? If so when? I want to be caught up so I can watch the livestream ^_^
Masterweaver 16th Sep 2015, 7:19 PM edit delete reply
I dunno.

All I know is I have plans to get Javolt to fall in love with somebody so he stops pestering others. Or at least reduces it.
Venseyness 15th Sep 2015, 11:52 AM Street cred edit delete reply
I'm telling this to no one in my campaign, but from now on if any creature at any point is asked to do a dance battle (that's not a PC) they must attempt it because of their street cred.
I have a feeling that this will lead to many a combat advantage.
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 12:41 PM edit delete reply
That's the thing about the loonie, sometimes their stupid plans work.

In Cthulhu-Punk, our hacker was certifiably insane, but she could hack into almost anything.

In Alaska, after encountering Future Innsmouth and Kaiju sized Dagon, she decided that the whole state was to blame so she hacked into the government files and started a war between Alaska and Japan and got the detonation sequences for all the oil rigs, because "The Fish People Live Here, It's Their Fault"

We stopped her before she could blow them up, but because of it, the Cultists and monsters aren't hunting us because of the war, and we now have several weapons for fighting Dagon.
The MunchKING 15th Sep 2015, 6:04 PM edit delete reply
The MunchKING
Don't try to get out like a rouge then, try to get out like a BARBARIAN! Show that cheap tinfoil door what REAL Rage is like!! Make it melt before your very Fury!! DESTROY that cheap dungeon for daring to impede you!!
Guest 15th Sep 2015, 6:50 PM edit delete reply

It appears to be constructed of wrought or cast iron. Rarity has no doubt reinforced it with magic, and made the locks impossible to pick.

But I'm sure Dash flailing around like an epileptic infant will be very effective.
Albedoequals1 15th Sep 2015, 9:34 PM edit delete reply
Why so angry all of a sudden?
Super Kami Guru 16th Sep 2015, 12:07 AM edit delete reply
Man someone sure is moody... Or at the very least attempting to troll. To that I say my good sir or madam that you are failing quite miserably.
Digo 16th Sep 2015, 5:18 AM edit delete reply
A troll would be really useful about now to break out of prison though.
Super Kami Guru 16th Sep 2015, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
As for that door though... RAINBOW MAD. RAINBOW CRASH!

See what I did there????

Yea, I thought it was bad too...
Guest 16th Sep 2015, 6:39 AM edit delete reply
No, you sincerely thought it was funny, or you wouldn't have posted it.

Can't blame you, given what passes for humor around here.
Anon 16th Sep 2015, 8:04 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, like whatever Raxon says. XD
Newbiespud 16th Sep 2015, 11:30 AM edit delete reply
It's worth realizing that a number of the regular readers and commenters are younger than the usual young adult demographic. Therefore, that's the type of humor that appeals to them.

That's not my kind of humor usually, and it annoys me a little when it gets too far, but I've always tried to use a light touch with my community, and I've learned to make peace with it. Raxon's been a regular for years. He annoyed me at first, I'll admit, but he knows exactly what he's doing, and he's always been respectful whenever I've asked him to dial it back a bit.

I wish some of the people responding wouldn't stoop to false superiority, insults, or memes when dealing to criticism, but at this point I've learned that being bad at white-knighting is simply a law of the land on the internet.

At any rate, this has created a few embers I don't want fanned. Please stop picking a fight, or take your issues with my audience's humor and leave.
Guest 16th Sep 2015, 12:09 PM edit delete reply
Go ahead, keep deleting my posts. I'm not going anywhere.
Newbiespud 16th Sep 2015, 12:21 PM edit delete reply
Cool, I've always wanted to try out the comment moderation feature. Let's have some fun!
Raxon 16th Sep 2015, 4:43 PM edit delete reply
My, my. Seems I missed some contention. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I troll now and then, but I put some effort into it. I don't just insult people and stir up trouble. There's a difference between rage trolling, and having a laugh.
Winged Cat 16th Sep 2015, 11:35 AM edit delete reply
"Don't try to get out like a rouge"

Well, actually, makeup powder could fit through the bars easily. But it wouldn't do anything useful once outside. The poor thing wouldn't even know where the lock is to pick it.

Now, a rogue on the other hand...

(Sorry. Couldn't resist. ;) )
The MunchKING 17th Sep 2015, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
The MunchKING
No, she needs to stop trying to get out like red pony and work like a Rainbow one. *nods*

Ironically when trying to look up rouge to make sure it could be used for the color red, I correctly spelled rogue. *Sigh*

The MunchKING cannot win with spelling, it seems. :P
j-eagle12212012 19th Sep 2015, 5:37 AM edit delete reply
In all fairness when it comes to Rouge(pronounced Rooshh) and Rogue(pronounced Row-ga) I screw them up all the time because the spelling is so similar
Iiridayn 19th Sep 2015, 6:00 AM Party loony in Sigil edit delete reply
I was playing a hatchling crystal dragon (CN aligned, planar set of Neutral dragons in 3.5) with barbarian character levels and a short attention span. The party showed up in Sigil, and faced the challenge of making contact with the Lady of Pain Herself (she had one piece of an artifact required to save the planes). This was challenging as she is rather reclusive - to the point of killing people who even talk about her, and most who have ever met her die as a result. So, the party debated for several minutes different approaches, standing around in the middle of the street - clearly Clueless.

My character got bored with the talking getting nowhere, so he decided to try a simple approach - ask for directions from the nearest pedestrian. Upon asking "Do you know where to find the Lady of Pain?", the pedestrian screamed and took off running (not because I was a dragon hatchling either - this is Sigil). I thought that was a little odd, so I asked the next pedestrian I saw - who screamed and took off running. My character was thinking - "This is _fun_!". Though I didn't realize it till about 20 seconds later, the rest of the players had stopped talking after the second one and were watching intently.

My character immediately started asking everyone he could if they knew where to find the Lady of Pain, watching them scream and run away, and grinning like a fool the whole time. Pretty soon there was a mob of people stampeding away from me - most didn't know why they were running, but when everybody else is running from a baby dragon in a city like Sigil, you don't wait and ask what he wants. The DM asked the party, "so, where are you while all this is happening?", to which the leader replied something like, "um, we're following him to make sure he doesn't get into trouble".

Next thing we all know, we've all been mazed by the Lady, successfully having gotten her attention by causing a major disturbance in the city, and establishing contact. To date that is still the most fun character I've ever played.