Page 649 - The Dream Job, Part 10

19th Sep 2015, 6:00 AM in Intermission 6
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The Dream Job, Part 10
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 19th Sep 2015, 6:00 AM edit delete
We're hitting all the staples with this arc! Any stories about convincing an enemy guard to cut you some slack or even change sides?

Blarg, no MTM this week. But I've got stuff in the works so that there'll be way more wasteland content coming in the near future...

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Thatguest 19th Sep 2015, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
Does the reverse count? I joined the guards to save them from the rest of the party.
Crazy Tom 19th Sep 2015, 6:30 AM edit delete reply
Crazy Tom
Now that sounds like a story I want to hear!
ThatGuest 19th Sep 2015, 7:11 AM edit delete reply
Well in the session I had missed the party had been contacted by Duke 'Totallynotevil' to go check on this completely "abandoned" land he completely owned for sure and certainly wasn't a thriving community that had been there years. They finally start putting two and two together in the middle of the session I joined in after the party is knee deep in dead innocents. Yes they used detect evil and found nothing and their justification for wading in swinging before I joined was the guards telling them to stop and firing a warning shot into the air. "They shot first! Take no prisoners!"

While I'm questioning a crippled old man and realizing how bad things are, one of the other party members decides that he doesn't like being told he's doing the wrong thing and stabs the old man in the throat......with congratulations from the party. While I and the other cleric are in shock they kick open the next door, revealing guards protecting a large group of children. After a moment's pause, the paladin throws out the idea to capture the children and threaten to kill them to make everyone submit and surrender their home. They plan on making a few kids examples to make sure they know that they are serious, that was it.

The other cleric walked out entirely, I decided they had finally crossed a line even most murderhobos don't get near. My cleric joined the guards as soon as the battle started, attacking the party from the rear. To make things even more poetic, most of the party had decided that they were now chaotic/neutral/lawful evil now to excuse their earlier actions, meaning that my protection from evil spells worked against them when I started throwing them on the NPCs. They survived the battle but now they have no healers and are a loooooong way from any civilization.
BadHorse 19th Sep 2015, 7:33 AM edit delete reply
Wow. They doubled down.
Digo 19th Sep 2015, 9:15 AM edit delete reply
Yeah. I am no betting player in those kind of situations.
PoisonClaw 19th Sep 2015, 10:06 AM edit delete reply
Wow...last I checked, holding children hostages and threatening to kill them does not qualify as Lawful Good, besides the other clearly evil actions. That paladin's deity must have taken one look at the situation and gone "Well...f*** that, I'm out of here."
Specter 19th Sep 2015, 7:55 PM edit delete reply

*Inhale ... exhale.*

There are no words I can say about how sorry I feel for you.
you know that guy 19th Sep 2015, 7:02 AM edit delete reply
Sorta like Durkon surrendering to Miko, eh?
ThatGuest 20th Sep 2015, 1:04 AM edit delete reply
The story has bad and good about the end though. On the bad side they still won, they lucked out and managed to force me and the NPCs to retreat and they got the land for Baron Von Evil and displaced dozens of innocents. On the good, the children were saved and I finally outright quit that poisonous game and don't forsee them surviving long with no healers with the way they play.
Someone 21st Sep 2015, 7:36 AM edit delete reply
How many PCs died in that accident?
ThatGuest 21st Sep 2015, 10:03 AM edit delete reply
None, however if you count player losses they lost me and two others. So they're now down a fighter and two clerics. Against a killer DM.

Also, no the paladin retained their paladin-ness, the DM allowed it since they picked the god of murder and blood. ( I wish I was joking)
Someone 21st Sep 2015, 11:38 AM edit delete reply
But don't paladin's loose their statuse when they change alignment to other than Lawful Good, no matter the god?
Disloyal Subject 21st Sep 2015, 6:02 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Standard Paladins, yeah, but 3.5 had variant rules for the other 3 extreme alignments, and 4e let Paladins be of any alignment and faith.
Desparil 22nd Sep 2015, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
>Quit that poisonous game

No need to be rude to your former party. Some people enjoy playing evil characters. Clearly you do not. There's no accounting for taste.
ANW 19th Sep 2015, 6:27 AM edit delete reply
Twilight Sparkle is the Princess of Magic/Friendship.
What about the other girls though?
you know that guy 19th Sep 2015, 7:04 AM edit delete reply
I think she's the Element of Magic, but the Princess of Friendship. Never really thought about her dual role though. What if they came into conflict, or seemed to? Someone please write that fanfic!
Disloyal Subject 19th Sep 2015, 9:51 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Considering the tagline, I'm pretty sure the only way that'll happen is paperwork.
Winged Cat 19th Sep 2015, 10:40 PM edit delete reply
Problem is, Friendship is Magic. It's right in the series name, and several episodes - starting with the conclusion of the first pair - have made it clear that's not purely metaphor (though it's true metaphorically as well as literally). So that'd be like magic contradicting itself, or friendship contradicting itself.

As to "seemed to", I think there has been at least one episode where Twilight thought she had to choose between her duties as a magical hero (and the Princess's errand pony) and her friends/what was right. The test in the Crystal Empire likely qualifies.

So who needs to settle for fanfic, when the series authors themselves quite happily take that idea? ;)
Specter 19th Sep 2015, 6:29 AM edit delete reply
Once convinced a whole security staff to just go home. It was achieved with the threat of the elimination of children (it was a bluff they thankfully took, don't worry).
Night Sage 19th Sep 2015, 7:15 AM edit delete reply
Night Sage
A Story about convincing an enemy guard to cut me some slack or change sides...

I don't have one pertaining to guards, but I do have this story.

I love my Pathfinder GM, but he still makes mistakes.

He created a very powerful villain. When we first encountered him, he wiped the floor with us. Thankfully with some cleaver ingenuity, we managed to survive, but barely. So we had to rest up for an entire month before we would be able to get our revenge.

During that month of resting we decided to do as little as possible, while at the same time gather information about our new enemy. One of those pieces of information was the location of a large group of people that "Worship" our enemy as if he was a God.

Leana (My Half-Elf bard), turns to the rest of the group "Whether you come with me or not, I don't care. I'm going there, right now."

Thankfully they decided to come with, BUT I made sure they waited outside. Went in, and the worshippers turned and drew their weapons. Bluff Check, convinced them all that Leana was more powerful then all of them combined.

Only two bluff checks failed, but was quickly fixed by yet another bluff check. A simple line "Okay, you're right, I have a tendency to over-exaggerate."

I single handedly convinced everyone in that building that Leana was a God in mortal form, who came down to destroy the false god. Got them all to turn sides. My GM wasn't all that pleased, as his next words were "SON OF A BITCH!"

So after we healed up, and figured out our foes location, we decided to confront him yet again. Well, Leana convinced the group, the others were saying "He's way to powerful" and my lines were "We weren't expecting it. This time we are. He won't be expecting us to be alive."

We confront him, and the GM has problems Role-playing. His words "Now I understand why you guys meta-game. It's hard not to." When asked what he meant, this is what he had to say "This villain grows more powerful the more followers he has. I made the mistake of pitting him against a bard whose sole duty is to be charismatic."

"No, you're mistake was grouping all of his followers in a single location. This kind of villain is great for the group we have. Just needed a bit more of a challenge in finding his followers."

Laughs all around, and I took over to the gratefulness of the GM.

I gave this villain an ultimatum. "You either do as I say, and stop trying to amass a following, or I'll have that big brute over there smash your skull in."

The GM still has his villain, which he is now currently "secretly" gathering a new following. Hopefully the next time we face him it'll be more of a challenge to defeat.

I said "secretly" because I told the GM what he could do with this villain.
BadHorse 19th Sep 2015, 7:36 AM edit delete reply
I told a GM what he could do with his villain once.

Didn't go as well.
Archeo Lumiere 19th Sep 2015, 7:56 AM edit delete reply
OP meant potential wise, not "shove it up yours" wise.
Disloyal Subject 19th Sep 2015, 9:52 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
"Cleaver ingenuity?" I hope that wasn't a typo, because cleaver ingenuity sounds refreshingly brutal.
Winged Cat 19th Sep 2015, 11:38 PM edit delete reply
It would even work in context. Though it probably refers to using cleavers for things other than standard attacking, such as chopping up the floor or blocking attacks with them.
Disloyal Subject 20th Sep 2015, 6:58 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
How about punnery?
Digo 19th Sep 2015, 9:16 AM edit delete reply
I've bribed guards, that's a form of convincing right? :D

Hey, money makes things happen.
Disloyal Subject 19th Sep 2015, 10:14 AM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
I tried; as the Emperor is my my witness, I tried.
But it's hard to reason with the guards when your team has a heavily armoured addict swaggering around claiming he "knows how to deal with" THE LAW and refusing to back down until he has not-Dredd's shotgun leveled at his head.
Dayn 19th Sep 2015, 11:41 AM edit delete reply
my group had stopped a gang of poachers trying to steal sacred barrier stones around the perimeter of a holy mountain: we slaughtered one, burned their leader alive, made the mercenary giant run away, and knocked a random guy unconscious. our healer suggested we heal him and let him go...but after healing him, he was persuaded to join us for a time. we had time travel adventures, roughing it in the wilds, but eventually, our magus incompetence got him splattered by a treant foot stomp.
Tatsurou 19th Sep 2015, 12:04 PM edit delete reply
I remember one fun campaign where I played a novice demon summoner, and had managed to make a contract with an Arch Demon where I could summon him for one non-combat task as many times as I wanted during a day without any circles...however, the task had to be stipulated in the contract.

The task I gave was "Look Menacing".

When we were trying to break into one castle, we got stopped by the guards *12* times! (Really bad stealth rolls). Each time, I insta-summoned the demon, and he glowered menacingly at the guards...and I would ask them one question.

"Are you being paid enough to die?"

Given that "Look Menacing" qualified as the demon making an Intimidate check, and said demon was 30 levels above the guards...
j-eagle12212012 19th Sep 2015, 1:21 PM edit delete reply
Since summer is over will AKCodemn be back soon? If so does that mean new sessions of Fallout is Dragons will start again? I am on session 40 and I would like to be caught up so I can watch the livestream.
I asked a few days ago but only masterweaver responded and he didn't know
Pseudonym Sam 19th Sep 2015, 2:29 PM edit delete reply
In one campaign, one of our party members bore an uncanny resemblance to a local wanted criminal. The local cops arrested him and threw him in jail.

My character found out what happened and rounded up the rest of the group to visit the jailhouse. We arranged a meeting with the sheriff, heard the long list of charges against our friend, and tried convincing the lawman that this was all a misunderstanding. We all vouched for our comrade, saying what an upstanding citizen he was and that he was no hardened criminal.

We almost succeeded. The sheriff seemed convinced, but unfortunately our imprisoned friend didn't know we were establishing his true identity and negotiating his release. He picked the lock and opened the cell door...


Everyone looked towards the loud grating sound, and our "innocent" comrade stood sheepishly in the hallway. He tried making a run for it, but we helped the cops chase him down, all the while cursing his stupidity.

Ultimately, the sheriff decided that he was not the wanted criminal they were looking for, but slapped on some other charges (attempted escape, resisting arrest) before releasing him on (a large) bail.
Specter 19th Sep 2015, 7:58 PM edit delete reply
Could have been worse, could have been armed, could have given a few swings on the way out.
Raxon 19th Sep 2015, 3:49 PM edit delete reply
Making friends with a guard? I tried to marry the captain of the royal guard. She was the sister of like the fifth in line for the throne, but apparently, the DM decided no, because his railroad plot was too important. Party was attacked by her brother on trumped up charges in the middle of the ceremony, and we were banished from the kingdom, conveniently to the place the DM had been saying to go, minus all our weapons and gear, because we were taking too long.
Winged Cat 19th Sep 2015, 11:42 PM edit delete reply
Speaking of marrying the captain of the royal guard, there's probably a fanfic in Cadance marrying Shining Armor as a diplomatic move - though one that ultimately worked out.
Disloyal Subject 20th Sep 2015, 7:00 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
Considering their very real love for one another blossomed from Cadence - Celestia's niece - foalsitting Twilight - Celestia's protégé - it fits neatly with interpretations of Celestia as a benevolent schemer.
Winged Cat 20th Sep 2015, 12:04 AM edit delete reply
So there the party was, trying to track down a certain pirate captain in a fleet, who had been possessed by a god they wished to take out so as to free the local island chain from the god's reign of naval terror. (They had an artifact that would trap the god once its current vessel was slain.) They didn't know which one she was, only that it was a she, so they infiltrated the fleet, pretending to be sailors. The male captain of the ship they boarded took a liking to one of the PCs, and she responded in kind, trying to seduce secrets from him - but also somewhat smitten.

What the PCs did not know was that the entity had split itself between two captains, and this was the other possessed captain. The entity recognized the PCs, had heard of their success destroying its rivals for control of the world, and wished to recruit them to ensure its own dominance. There was no magical compulsion: that PC really was taken with that captain, and after learning the truth, had mixed loyalties during the eventual fight. There was even discussion of just killing the other captain, confining the god to one being that the PC could have all to herself. (Love slave or dead, either way the god would stop terrorizing the locals.)
Disloyal Subject 20th Sep 2015, 7:03 PM edit delete reply
Disloyal Subject
How'd that turn out? I can't imagine enslaving a god would turn out too well in the end, but it'd make a powerful ally if it were persuaded not to reign through terror.
Winged Cat 22nd Sep 2015, 10:13 AM edit delete reply
The party stopped all the gods that were going crazy, and thereby restored balance to the world. That was their overall quest. In this case, both captains eventually died at the party's hands.

Technically it was the gods' essences that were trapped - killing the avatar(s) killed that god's current incarnation - so it wasn't "enslaving" per se. In the aftermath, one PC reincarnated them as her children, and ascended to become the high goddess of the new pantheon.
Nelo 20th Sep 2015, 3:05 PM Guard reversal edit delete reply
Let's see... It was Saga Edition Star Wars. Had a GM that was trying to run something akin to the (at the time of posting) new series "Rebels".

The setting was a custom planet, basically what we call the planet of "Caribbea", considering it's nothing but perfect beaches, waves, and atolls everywhere. So, considering that the initial detail was to be a "normal citizen" who was to "rise up against the oppressive empire", I decided that this, coupled with never having gotten a chance in seven years to play a jedi, to really just ham it up for a change.

Enter: the Baywatch Busty Beach Babe Jedi, a ditz who was force sensitive, but had no money, parents dead, and her uncle missing, and left her only with a glow rod as a momento before leaving.

Fast forward to present day, where she serves as a bartender and beach bum, drinking the star wars equivalent of Margaritas on the beach, when all of a sudden, the Imps come busting in, trying to hunt down a jedi. Apparently, another NPC was one, but my character being completely oblivious to her heritage, gets pegged. Rolling on a bluff, she claims that besides being an idiot alien (bonus +1 to the roll to persuade in the encounter), she states that she couldn't be a jedi, as they're just myths (another +1 for using imperial propaganda).

She persuades them they have the wrong person, as the wanted poster was for a different species (it was), and points them in another direction. Of course, the only person not caring about this help is the commander, who just wants an arrest.

I'm the type of person who tends to try to use alternative applications of skills to get results, and so I bring up (as part of my backstory) that they're just mad because they lost the intramural volleyball competition last year, and that if they really wanted a rematch, they'd throw down.

Long story short, a number of rolls later, mixing distracting DD chests and songs from the Top Gun soundtrack somehow existing, my jedi not only walks away without an arrest, but defeating the imperial Volleyball squad in a planet wide broadcasted game, and (due to insider knowledge), but also winds up pegging the Imperial Inquisitor for the arrest, claiming that only Jedi have lightsabers, and that since he's the only one to ignite it publicly, he must be one.

It went on for a while longer, eventually leading to the humiliation of the governor, but not before getting a public medal for not only being a good volleyball player, but a model alien to follow on the planet.
forever a murderhobo 20th Sep 2015, 3:39 PM edit delete reply
guards are walking exp
The Crimson Guy 21st Sep 2015, 5:17 AM edit delete reply
A friend of mine, during a campaign where we'd been chased all over the realm by members of a 'Hero's Guild' who's intention was to kill every adventurer who was getting more and more popular, eventually turned around to the guild and declared that eh challenged their grand master to combat.

One out-the-butt high Persuade roll later, we all got shoved into an arena with the Guild's big bad leader. It was at this point that my friend, who revealed he was actually an Anti-Paladin, calmly walked up and decapitated the Guild's Master with a single swing of his sword before the leader could do anything.

He then proceeded to take control of the Guild and effectively gave everyone in the party a 'Join or die' offer which we all were literally forced to take
The Crimson Guy 21st Sep 2015, 5:17 AM edit delete reply
A friend of mine, during a campaign where we'd been chased all over the realm by members of a 'Hero's Guild' who's intention was to kill every adventurer who was getting more and more popular, eventually turned around to the guild and declared that eh challenged their grand master to combat.

One out-the-butt high Persuade roll later, we all got shoved into an arena with the Guild's big bad leader. It was at this point that my friend, who revealed he was actually an Anti-Paladin, calmly walked up and decapitated the Guild's Master with a single swing of his sword before the leader could do anything.

He then proceeded to take control of the Guild and effectively gave everyone in the party a 'Join or die' offer which we all were literally forced to take
Tyrantviewer 21st Sep 2015, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
Not quite befriend so much as tricked but here is my story.

My group was once trapped on a plane where evil won- that is evil was dominant- so much so that the portal we fell through was literrally spewing corruption out of it- though most npcs were just jerks rather than eat your face evil- but we headed for the one good city in the world- which was regularly under siege by the other nations who were evil.

When we finally got to the siege lines, we were all debating on how to get to the city without notice- no one had pegged us as good yet. But then while the rest of us were discussing plans our newest member- a cleric of pelor- started preaching- for a good god. some quick thinking saved him, but a slip up from our paladin ended up with him and only him being caught.

Then I had a stroke of genius- using a magic skull I had been tricking people that we were working for the undead ruler to the south- I suggested a punishment for the heretic to the army captian- set the paladin on fire and catapult him into the good city.

My character was a Dragonfire adept and I could breath fire- I could also make select people immune to my breath weapon via an invocation- and the paladin had a ring of feather fall- so everyone was satified with my plan- the DM played right along- he was a great role player- but then after I had set him alight- the paladin pointed out that the ring wasn't of feather fall but just reduced fall damage- not enough that he was sure to survive the plan- and since the ring had a minor curse (-1 to hit or something) he wasn't currently wearing it. It was only quick thinking from our wizard that saved him- via making him sprout tentacles- the wizard then claimed the paladin was a demon that the wizard was sent to collect- I went with him claiming that it was my plan to catapult him and I needed to make up for my failures.

After scouting around the group eventually came to decide that my plan was still the best- we went back to the catapult. I told the captain that as punishment for my hair-brained scheme that my group had been ordered to make a (presumably futile) assualt on the city- via the catapult- the captain thought it was stupid and I played along as it was supposed to be a punishment- and it worked- the wizard cast feather fall several times and everyone made it over the wall- except me-and the knight- who was a warforged- who landed on me. the two of us then walked to the gate and asked to be let in.

we havent befriended the guards inside the city yet.
sharp note 22nd Sep 2015, 12:33 AM edit delete reply
In my Fallout: Texas campaign, the party was sneaking into the enclave base. Most of the guards had been cleared out so the corrupt president could eliminate one of his officers without witnesses. The party saw this by hacking a camera, but by the time they got there two guards had returned. The ex-NCR sniper got behind one and started barking orders, and got him to run off without even turning around.
Then our newest player, the punchy doctor, tells the other guard point blank what's going on, and tells him if he doesn't believe her, open the door and look.
The enclave guard looks at her, opens the door, sees the officer with plasma burns on his helmet slumped in a chair across from the presidents desk, and let's the party on through.