Page 701 - Dust Exercises

19th Jan 2016, 5:00 AM in The Last Roundup
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Dust Exercises
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 19th Jan 2016, 5:00 AM edit delete
Rarity has a problem with falling off dangerous things in this comic, doesn't she?

Any stories about situations, problems, or shenanigans that happen with comically unusual frequency, either on the player or character level?

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



My current group keeps capturing goblins and we don't know what to do with them.

No really, we have no idea. Thoughts?
Guest 19th Jan 2016, 5:10 AM edit delete reply
Throw them at your enemies!
Blyndpwn 19th Jan 2016, 5:15 AM edit delete reply
They make decent miners if you can find the right spot to dig. Failing that, I have to agree with the guy above me, with one alteration: Set them on fire, THEN throw them at your enemies.
ANW 19th Jan 2016, 5:21 AM edit delete reply
Bowling with goblins.
Jarimor 20th Jan 2016, 4:10 AM edit delete reply
Name one Slappy.
Do the skit.
have them help the town nearby out as sewer construction/bug-out tunnel makers.
feed them well.
make it so they don't want to leave and enjoy being helpful.
make the town a freaking warren of death to invaders.
(my group did that ONCE and we are never allowed to alter the face of a game world like that again, the GM was horrified)
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 5:35 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Step 1: Build a giant maze.
Step 2: Fill it with goblins.
Step 3: Kidnap someone's baby brother.
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit!
Veruliyam 19th Jan 2016, 8:18 AM edit delete reply
Step 4: Fill it with Muppets!
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 9:28 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Haha, you get a cookie!
Pablo360 19th Jan 2016, 12:49 PM edit delete reply
The maze or the baby brother?
Blueblade 20th Jan 2016, 7:59 PM edit delete reply
XxX 19th Jan 2016, 6:51 AM edit delete reply
Set up a banana republic based on goblin slave work, preferably somewhere where there are precious resorces, after enough years making it a functional military junta, go conquer the world?
Toric 19th Jan 2016, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
Create an industrial military society in which they have an equal share in political power and authority, thereby providing jobs to an otherwise unemployable race, and set them against their racist human supremacist enemies who kill them on sight for aspects of their nature you can't fight.

And after that, you know, forge a ring of almighty power that renders them unnecessary but allow them to work for you anyway.
aylatrigger 19th Jan 2016, 8:12 AM edit delete reply
brainwash them through kindness and go on to have a goblin nation following you
The Old One 19th Jan 2016, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
They why capture them in the first place? Capture requires considerable resources to maintain, so if you don't have a defined reason you either turn them loose in enemy territory and things sort themselves out or you kill them in the first place and rock the xp
Malroth 19th Jan 2016, 9:46 AM edit delete reply
technicaly you should be geting the XP simply from walking away from the room they previously occupied, capturing them gives the same XP but with the added loot of "1 goblin"
T 19th Jan 2016, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
So you capture them, get the XP, kill them and get the XP again?
Winged Cat 19th Jan 2016, 12:08 PM edit delete reply
And make sure some of them are necromancers who refresh their spells when raised, so you can have them raise dead, kill them for more XP, rinse and repeat until they're followers of maximum-level PCs, to which power they have demonstrated they would literally die for repeatedly.

(Hey, if there was a god you were already loyal to, and you could dramatically power up that god just by being temporarily dead several times over the course of a day or so ending up alive at the end, there are worse course of actions.)
Blueblade 20th Jan 2016, 8:04 PM edit delete reply
Here's how it goes...
1.)Capture goblins
2.) Leave room they were in
3.) Get Xp
4.)Release them in the new room
5.)Capture them again
6.)Go back to first room
7.)Convince/annoy DM/GM into letting you get away with this clever exploit.
8.)Get more Xp
9.) Release Goblin
10.) Repeat.
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 1:05 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Then you can later enchant the goblins, getting +1 Fireburst goblins, +1 Goblin Bane goblins, and +1 Goblins of Returning.
Toric 19th Jan 2016, 1:56 PM edit delete reply
+1 Keen Vorpal Goblin; +1 Merciful Goblin; Goblin of mighty cleaving
Digo Dragon 20th Jan 2016, 6:55 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
This needs to happen. We're sitting on a gold mine of an idea. XD
Blueblade 20th Jan 2016, 8:05 PM edit delete reply
Along with a Goblin of Holding.
Chakat Firepaw 19th Jan 2016, 11:05 AM edit delete reply
That kind of depends on setting. In some settings goblins can make for useful citizens once you convince them to behave, If you're playing on Golarion, about all you can do is put them somewhere they aren't going to bother anyone you don't want bothered, (which may be a mass grave).
JSchunx 19th Jan 2016, 12:11 PM edit delete reply
In a particularly manic session with my brothers, the issue of transporting a more important goblin captive was resolved by the construction of a goblin-skin travois, using the corpses of the other goblins we killed. Ever since then, any issue revolving around goblins has typically involved mention of such by any of us.

So yeah, that's my recommendation: Goblin-skin Travois. Granted, you'll have to kill some of your captives to transport the rest, but hey, that's the cost of progress! Probably.
MWS 19th Jan 2016, 7:04 PM edit delete reply
Goblins might make good house servants. They're your butler's problem now.
NellzDaBlackKing 20th Jan 2016, 4:00 PM edit delete reply
Why don't you set up a figting ring and place bets on which goblin win. Set it up in a well populated city and have the people gamble and make a killing off of it.
Blueblade 20th Jan 2016, 7:58 PM edit delete reply
1.)Capture Goblins
Blueblade 20th Jan 2016, 7:58 PM edit delete reply
1.)Capture Goblins
Blueblade 22nd Jan 2016, 9:17 PM edit delete reply
I could've sworn I made the comment once...
ANW 19th Jan 2016, 5:19 AM edit delete reply
Or, how about the other way around?
Finishing off a battle by tossing them off a cliff.
Specter 19th Jan 2016, 12:47 PM edit delete reply
I once grabbed the bad guy with a natural twenty grapple, then threw both of us off the cliff with a natural one throw.
albedoequals1 19th Jan 2016, 1:30 PM edit delete reply
A textbook Sherlock Holmes maneuver.
Specter 19th Jan 2016, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
Very true, but unlike Sherlock I do not plan it, nor do I survive. I mean, except the times I am revived afterwards, but still.
ANW 20th Jan 2016, 7:54 AM edit delete reply
Natural 20, then a 1.
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 5:29 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Doc Wagon early on in the FO:E campaign had a really scary frequency of crit-failing Medical checks on others for the littlest of things. Check a patient's reflexes? Dislodge their shoulder joint. Clean a shallow cut on a leg? nick an important vein. Check if a patient has a broken bone? Shoots them in the face.

So... yeah. I'm real glad that stopped happening. The die roller and I never got along well in general, though.

Currently in a Pony campaign my character Reuben has been failing so many defense checks that it seems he's been taking damage in every combat scene. And it's not simple damage like getting kicked or bumping into furniture-- It's more like getting thrown into train cars by Reuben's possessed love interest who then dissolves into dozens of snakes in his hooves when he manages to grab her and having a burning piece of a ship's mast land on Reuben while the ship is rocking in a typhoon kind of damage.

Because again, the die roller does not get along with me. You could almost predict what the rolls are going to be, and that's pretty much the opposite of what a die roller should be doing, ya know? :)
Mykin 19th Jan 2016, 11:19 AM edit delete reply
Reuben and Taiyth should share a few drinks some time. I'm sure both of them have plenty of things to talk about with all the crap they seem to have happen to them. :D
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 1:07 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
That sounds like a plan. Speaking of, Reuben is the only character I've had ever take "2d6+12 (Severe) Financial damage" from buying someone drinks. XD
Mykin 19th Jan 2016, 8:05 PM edit delete reply
Alright, Taiyth will buy the drinks then. Though that sounds more painful than the time a group of kobolds nearly killed my cleric by tossing a half eaten fish, a boot with a foot still inside it, and finally a dead kobold. Suffice to say that no one could recognise the bodies once Taiyth finally got into range.
Digo Dragon 20th Jan 2016, 6:57 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Those are some of the strangest things to be assaulted with. O.o

...except maybe the kobold.
Srgt.Grif 7th Feb 2016, 8:29 PM edit delete reply
Yeah... with those results, the people at the store i play at would call it, due to the worst medic of all time, "Dragonborn Healing".
Kynrasian 19th Jan 2016, 6:07 AM edit delete reply
If it's flammable and I'm in combat anywhere near it, it tends to end up on fire, and usually completely by accident. In my first ever session I ended up setting a forest on fire. I've set I room full of furs on fire, I burned down a lot of the inside of a theater in some dwarven ruins, set at least two fortresses on fire (although those were intentional), and accidentally destroyed part of a red dragon's treasure hoard by using a fireball to test a small tunnel for more carrion crawlers.

I think the theater is when I started to embrace this tendency. Considering what started out as a nervous giggle turned into full blown maniacal laughter as the DM marked out the extent of damage I'd caused I'd say it was then.

The rogue even made a point of telling me when we ended up in another forest not to burn this one down.
Winged Cat 19th Jan 2016, 12:14 PM edit delete reply
My PC in my last pony campaign was like that, though with ice/steam/high pressure water explosions. An ice volcano, a remote-controlled bird drone, a water-pistol shooting range, the water along a port (blockading pursuit, and technically not him), the continent of Zebrica...his final one was a treesplosion, though.
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 1:18 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Trees got lots of water in them, so making a tree into an improvised steam explosive is pretty effective! The wood splinter shrapnel is particularly painful when it gets in your everything.
Mykin 19th Jan 2016, 8:08 PM edit delete reply
Huh, that sounds like my game store group. Things tend to go horribly for us when fire is involved. To the point where we all refuse to go to Baldur's Gate for fear that we might burn it down a third time.
j-eagle12212012 19th Jan 2016, 6:09 AM edit delete reply
this scene makes sense in this comic, what I don't get is why pinkie pie did this in the show?
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Because she's Pinkie?
Toric 19th Jan 2016, 7:04 AM edit delete reply
So they could have the element of loyalty intentionally abandon them so she can continue to ruthlessly hunt down her friend?
j-eagle12212012 19th Jan 2016, 5:56 PM edit delete reply
@ Digo
Good point...I would argue but it's well established in canon that she is unpredictable


Loyalty takes a back seat when it comes to her OTP
ChrisTheS 19th Jan 2016, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
My attempts at recurring villains have a tendency to turn into comedy situations, since I always bring them back with some new injury reflecting the way the party defeated them before. It became a bit excessive during an Eberron game, where the returning villain was a warforged and thus capable of returning to the fray a lot faster than a weak biological organism. Except that the defeats the party inflicted on him were almost universally embarrassing and faster than anticipated, no matter how much I buffed him up. To this day none of us can remember his actual name - he was always called 'Melty-Head' at the table.
Durazall 19th Jan 2016, 8:28 AM edit delete reply
My previous character in the current DND 3.5 campaign I'm in found an enchanted (read: cursed) necklace.

He literally said "What's the worst that could happen?"

Long story short, I'm happy there was a scroll of limited wish nearby.
He's since retired, citing "nightmares pertaining to not being able to breath" waking him at all times of the night.
GrayGriffin 19th Jan 2016, 9:33 AM edit delete reply
In one of my games, there are regular shenanigans involving my character flirting with the other PCs. And the various degrees of responsiveness they have to said flirting.
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
I've had PCs in three different campaigns somehow end up creating a 'Harem Comedy' by just being themselves. I apparently make very ship-able characters.
GrayGriffin 19th Jan 2016, 3:19 PM edit delete reply
Oh, there's also the rogue and the ex-pirate being the moral compasses of the group. Said rogue being the only full human in the group might have something to do with it as well.
Digo Dragon 20th Jan 2016, 6:58 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
If the rogue and ex-pirate are your moral compasses... XD
Philadelphus 19th Jan 2016, 9:47 AM edit delete reply
I've been reading (and lurking) since you were doing the pilot Newbiespud, and while I (obviously) enjoy your comic I don't usually laugh out loud while reading it.

The last three panels of this strip had me doing so. Especially the final one. Kudos, sir.
Alice 19th Jan 2016, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
Lit down children, and let me tell you the tale of Lewis Maze.

Lewis was a sort of biker/street racer that lived with his brother and niece up near Reno. And one day, he gets invited to the wedding of an old friend from highschool. Problem is: some of the attendees kind of got arrested. One the way down to bail them out, another attendee is driving down, but his is in an accident with an eighteen wheeler.

Lewis rides his bike right under the truck as it is flipping and proceeds to pick up this stranger, heading to the same wedding.

After bailing everyone out, Lewis manages to get himself into a street race with a local. He shoots past their car and wins ...but the other racer crashes right into an oncoming truck.

Well, since it's World of Darkness, it turns out the whole town is haunted and cursed as fuck, so we grab the newly orphaned child we acquired, hop in the RV she just inherited, and Lewis drives through streets that are piling up with crashes as the entire city prepares to go up in a massive explosion. ...but a truck is blocking the path. Rather than go around it, Lewis makes the RV jump, and flies right over the damn thing.

We had also managed to save one of Lewis' old friends, who had been badly injured. So as soon as we made it to Lewis' house, we called an ambulance. They picked up the guy and sped away. a truck turned into the street and crashed into it. There were no survivors, save for the old lady in the house the vehicles rammed into.

Further into the campaign, Lewis found himself racing again, up in salt Lake. There were no trucks to my knowledge, and Lewis did win, of course... but some of the other racers crashed, their cars bursting into flames, and police had to be called.

Finally there was the phone call. You see, around the same time, everyone received some sort of ominous ominous message. For Lewis, it was that his his niece was in the hospital after having a close call with a speeding truck.
Mykin 19th Jan 2016, 11:18 AM edit delete reply
... Why does Pinkie's little act here feel like something I would do? Now I'm starting to feel a little bit paranoid that I'm doing this a lot more than I realize.

As for stories, Taiyth has Thaumaturgy. It's a simple utility spell that allows him to cause flames to flicker, create instantaneous sound from whatever spot within range, etc. The most common use, however, is the ability to make his voice boom up to three times as loud as normal for one minute. This has rarely been useful, but it doesn't stop him from trying. Especially when he needs to get the point across that he is a Half. Elf. (Which is a running gag in and off itself, but most of those stories are in-jokes themselves so yeah).

The first time I used it, we were in a tunnel and we were trying to bluff the cultists outside that we had an army. I figured I could use it to help make the bluff more convincing. Instead, the party went deaf and the cultists weren't really intimidated by the drunken Scottish dwarf that was apparently in the tunnel. Another instance was when the party was surrounded by Bullywags and Taiyth, having nearly gotten eaten by a monster made of swamp moss, screamed at them to just leave them alone at the top of his lungs. Party went deaf again but the Bullywags ran away... then came back with double the number and their champion leading them. Apparently I convinced them that I was really that much of a threat. Diplomacy got us out of that situation (along with an awesome personal duel between the champion and our fighter). It's been a running gag that every time he uses that spell the party goes deaf and things getting comically worse.

The one time that it actually worked to our benefit was when we were stuck in the Underdark. We just barely got out of our jail cell and were running away when we saw the mini army that was the Drow guards. Because we didn't have our gear with us, I decided to try and scare them by using Thaumaturgy to yell at them in Draconic. That did nothing to convince the Drow guards to leave us alone. It did convince the giant creatures above them to attack them, though. This surprised my cleric so much that everyone else in the party had to loudly remind him that they are still in the middle of an escape attempt and that running would be a good option right now. It's just rare for things to go well for my cleric, that's all.
Digo Dragon 19th Jan 2016, 1:15 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Sounds like there would be a snarky commentary of future plans involving some kind of "Step 3, Taiyth keeps his mouth shut" in there. Still, creative uses are the best uses for magic. Nice how it worked out in the 3rd encounter mentioned. :D
Mykin 19th Jan 2016, 7:51 PM edit delete reply
Actually, during the time we were going to the cultist's ruined swamp keep, the half elven ranger of the group (who really played up the elven arrogance thing to annoy my more human side favoring half elf) was upset that her outfit was now soaked in swamp water after her and our dragonborn fighter attempted to save my cleric from a sink hole (with mixed results if receiving a concussion and almost getting hanged from their rescue attempts means anything). After nearly dying, my cleric was obviously not having any of it and told her to quit complaining. After a silly little snafu that ended up with my cleric being escorted in chains to be sacrificed (all part of the on the spot plan out wizard and warlock came up with after one cultist recognised me as the insane elf (Half-Elf) that burnt down the other cultist camp), one cultist mentioned that it might be a good idea to gag Taiyth so he doesn't try casting anything. Our ranger happily rammed one of her swamp water soaked socks down his throat and smiled while telling the cultist that that should do it.

It's a testament to his character that he hasn't murdered his group in their sleep yet. As justifiable as it would be at this point.
Digo Dragon 20th Jan 2016, 6:59 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Just a matter of time before the character snaps I guess. Better buy 'em some more drinks.
Raxon 19th Jan 2016, 11:38 AM edit delete reply
Trust falls are also not meant to be done from a cliff top to the canyon below. Just because I have 32 strength, that does not mean I can catch you falling at terminal velocity.
Ishidan 19th Jan 2016, 10:06 PM Trust fall edit delete reply
Oh the fun Deadpool would have with trust falls. I can imagine him doing a surprise trust fall with Wolverine. Fastball Special in reverse.
Skorzah 19th Jan 2016, 2:07 PM edit delete reply
I have some pretty funny ones. There's the time where a python was wrapped around the party sorcerer, and my wizard was out of spells, her other weapon was a whip (not terribly effective on snakes), so she was left with her claw attacks. As you can imagine, her claw attacks aren't very powerful, since she's a wizard. Anyway, the snake keeps squeezing, despite the fact that the sorcerer is already unconscious. Then I roll a nat one on my claw attack… AND KILL THE BLOODY SORCERER!!!
There have also been some very amusing bluff nat 20s, if you guys want to hear about them.
Platonix 19th Jan 2016, 3:30 PM edit delete reply
Oh, god, the Bluff Nat 20...

...there's a running gag in my group that was birthed during a homebrew 3.5 campaign in the D&D 1.0 setting of Mystara. The party was seeking to enter the Black Eagle Barony, the domain of a stereotypical evil warlord. One party member decided to try to Bluff the guards at the border into letting the party in, by claiming to be the Baron's son. The roll was low, and the guard countered that the Baron had no son.

The PC tried again...and I forget now whether he used some kind of feat or class feature or just hit a Nat 20. Either way, it was obvious to all that this time the Bluff was going to work, and since what he was actually saying was next to immaterial, the player declared "I'm the Baron's daughter!"

Now I (the DM) had just recently read a fan story online about how the Black Eagle had had a secret affair with a female elf and had a half-elven daughter as a result, whom he was ashamed of and kept secret. I think he might have exiled her, I don't really remember. Anyway, I decided to roll with this. Just because your Bluff target believes you doesn't mean they'll do what you want, so the guard believed the PC's claim to be the Baron's daughter, but assumed the daughter had been polymorphed into a male human and then exiled. He replied, "I think your father's made it pretty clear he doesn't want you here."

The attempt at entry had failed, but the patently ridiculous Bluff had succeeded, so "I'm the Baron's Daughter" (exclusively used by male PCs) permanently entered our collection of running-gag Bluffs alongside "I'm here to fix the lights" (in a setting without electric lighting).
HonorableInsanity 19th Jan 2016, 4:32 PM edit delete reply
Hey, I actually have a story for this story time! (Two in fact, both from the same character, which I feel meet this prompt well.) Presenting the tales of Sylfi, aka the Yolo Jester.

1. The one with the hole.
So the party, consisting of a strongman, a healer (unconscious), a soap and candles merchant, a shapeshifter (player absent), Sylfi, and fighter guy with Ultimate Cosmic Power(tm), is trying to get out of this building where we've been taken prisoner and are already close to escaping, hence the healer being unconscious. In one room, fighter guy searches for secrets, and ends up activating a trapdoor under the strongman's feet, causing him to fall into a hole. The strongman asks for some help, so fighter guy decides to throw down a whole coil of rope. During this time enemies are also periodically coming into the room, so various characters are getting engaged in combat. Strongman throws up one end of the rope and asks for someone to pull him up, so my character Sylfi, who has basically no strength, decides to grab the rope and pull, and ends up falling into the whole as well. This leads to the strongman throwing both Sylfi and the rope back up, telling him to tie it to something secure. So obviously, I go and tie it to fighter guy, who is currently engaged in combat, succeeding in not only distracting him from the fight, but getting him pulled into the hole as well. Fighter guy then uses his earth magic to get them both out of the hole, ending the shenanigans.

Following this and before we actually make it out of there, we end up having fighter guy getting killed by being cocky and one particularly terrible roll, his Ultimate Cosmic Power(tm) transferring over to the shapeshifer, Sylfi also falling unconscious, both Sylfi and the healer almost dying, and the surviving party members making it out by the skin of their teeth.
HonorableInsanity 19th Jan 2016, 4:32 PM edit delete reply

2. The 'assassin'.
This story just features the healer, soap and candles merchant and Sylfi, who where staying in a tavern. Now, the last time the healer had stayed in a tavern, before Sylfi had joined the party but with the merchant present, the party had been attacked, and the healer was paranoid and barricaded himself inside his room, blocking the door with a chair and barricading the window with his wardrobe. The other two characters did not know he had done this, and in the morning, went to go and check up on him, only to find that the door wouldn't open. So Sylfi, without explaining what he is doing to anyone, goes back to his room, climbs out the window, over to the healers room and goes in through his window unannounced. Having just moved the wardrobe out the way, the healer sees someone come in through their window, and throws the wardrobe at them, and Sylfi, seeing someone throw a wardrobe at them dodges out the way, leading to the window being blocked and both characters being left in the dark and believing they were just attacked by an assassin. It's around this point that the merchant breaks the door down, sees a mysterious figure in the dark room (Sylfi), and magically launches a ball of wax at them. Sylfi sees a figure in the doorway attack them, and gets knocked to the ground. Then, the healer grabs a chair and goes to attack the floored 'assassin', who tries to tackle the mysterious figure charging them, both fail, and both end up on the ground. At this point, the merchant called out to Sylfi to notify him about the assassin, who called out from inside the room that they are aware and they think they got him, leading to the three realising who each other where, and upon seeing that there was no one else in the room, deciding that the assassin must have escaped, leaving all three characters whole heartedly believing that this assassin actually existed, and going on to convince everyone else, pc's and npc's alike when the story came up that they where there and had somehow got away, leaving them wary of said non-existent assassin for the rest of the campaign and beyond.
Moonstone 19th Jan 2016, 9:25 PM edit delete reply
In one of my early Pathfinder campaigns, I had a player using a class I wasn't familiar with (the Alchemist) and using things for it that I didn't have the book for. He also 'conveniently forgot' about certain rules, and wound up outrageously overpowered whenever he used his mutagen.

The first time he used it was against an Owlbear. The next time he used it, another Owlbear joined the fight. The same happened the next time, and the next.

I'd originally just intended for the island to have a large population of dangerous creatures (and the Owlbears had a big chunk of the encounter table), but the party (with the exception of the Alchemist) all instead felt that since he was so OP with his mutagens on, he clearly MUST be using Owlbear Pheromones in it, thus calling in enemy owlbears. The fact that my owlbears used a surprisingly tame, Owlicious-style "Hoo?" to announce their presence just made it funnier since the Alchemist liked to roar threatening questions while tearing his foes limb from limb. ('Who else wants some?!' 'Hoo?')
you know that guy 20th Jan 2016, 8:30 AM edit delete reply
Which gender of Owlbear did the pheremones attract?
Thud 20th Jan 2016, 1:15 AM edit delete reply
Had a Minotaur ninja in the party once, brutal ambush abilities, but the poor sod seemed to pick up every cursed item in the book at least once. Spent a week hiccuping bubbles because of a freaking cursed potion.
Skorzah 20th Jan 2016, 10:00 AM edit delete reply
So, since the nat 20 bluff is just a hilarious story overall, I guess I'll tell it as well.

So, the party gets into a portal, which effectively gets spelljacked, and this evil sorcerer called the iron Mage uses us to test out his latest project. He basically hacked a guard robot (which I can't remember the name of). So the ranger steps up to it, and rolls bluff, saying "I am secretly your master polymorphed into an elf." Nat twenty. The GM was just so pissed (not the first time with this player pulling crazy sh't), that he made us all roll reflex to not get hit with pieces of the robot's head, as it literally exploded. Mind blown XD.
Belmontzar 20th Jan 2016, 11:36 AM edit delete reply
Gravity loves me in reality and in story. Sure I can climb the tree, I can land on the large object, I can scope out surroundings to the best of them. Just dont ask me to come down. Because I will ALWAYS knock myself out some how. I mean, you would think, climbing an object to be the hard part right? Not for me anyway. My real clutsyness seems to enjoy infecting my characters... Star wars Roleplaying game, playing a jedi in training, great beautiful force jump to land ontop of an At-At walker. Then like a dumbazz cat, I slip on impact and fall off like a moron. I had rolled really well for the incredibly complicated FORCE jump,[had all kinds of penalties too cause I was on ground floor, and the area was a FOREST, so I had to jump PAST tree branches, from the ground, in a single force bound.] and rolled the mighty one on the landing.
legomaster00156 23rd Jan 2016, 11:19 AM edit delete reply
My character in Pathfinder seems incapable of passing Will saves, which is doubly insulting since he's a Sorcerer. I took feats and items just to boost Will saves, and I still fail them with startling frequency.
Pinkie-is-Best 29th Mar 2016, 8:11 PM Torch the place edit delete reply
My character has a habit of throwing torches at any enemies we meet. It wasn't on purpose--we just kept meeting enemies at night when he was already carrying a torch and it seemed like a handy throwing weapon. The rest of my group pointed out the quirk and now it's an inside joke.
"We have this problem! What do we do?!"
"Throw a torch at it."