Page 708 - Tele-Schadenfreude

4th Feb 2016, 5:00 AM in The Last Roundup
<<First Latest>>
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Newbiespud 4th Feb 2016, 5:00 AM edit delete
Might as well make a prompt for the unusual situation:

Any stories about expecting a player to respond to something in-game one way, but instead they react - not just a little differently - completely the opposite?

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Digo Dragon 4th Feb 2016, 5:14 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
On a train trip to Vanhoover, the party was with an NPC sponsor, Calamity Mane. We were heading to the coast to book a ship on an expedition to locate the lost city of Marelantis.

Calamity was having some troubles with her... financial backers on this expedition. My character, Reuben Rye, decided that he should cheer Calamity up with a home-made dinner. After she mistakes Reuben's comment on how homely dishes are just better for innuendo, Reuben goes to the train's kitchen car and cooks up some soup.

Upon returning Reuben suddenly goes with the previous innuendo idea and attempts to ask Calamity out on a date. While the food impressed her, she wasn't keen on entering the dating scene. But she liked the soup, and liked Reuben, but not liked Reuben. Or the soup.

The confusion on this reaction left the party in awkward silence as Calamity excused herself to nap in her private room. The team's pegasus, Autumn Gale, decides to take a quick flight outside the train, spying on Calamity's room. She finds out that Calamity is actually possessed by some kind of demonic entity, and Reuben's advances had done something to weaken its control over Calamity.

And then we rolled initiative.
Flame Warp 5th Feb 2016, 4:28 PM edit delete reply
Calamity mane? Really?


You're reminding me why I love and hate this show.
Ted the saiyanwolf 4th Feb 2016, 6:27 AM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
Does it have to be DnD games we've been in or can be ones we've seen/heard? telling stories, that is
MWS 4th Feb 2016, 6:49 AM edit delete reply
Hopefully it doesn't have to be D&D games, otherwise every story I've shared has been a rules violation.
Ted the saiyanwolf 4th Feb 2016, 6:52 AM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
I'm just talking about whether or not you been in the game, does count? I don't think it matter what kind of game it is as long it's a DnD type
Digo Dragon 4th Feb 2016, 7:06 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Any kind of RP should be fine, not just D&D. I've shared stories that use GURPS, Shadowrun, Toon, etc. :3

I also don't think you have to be in the game to count, as long as you witnessed it in some way? I've told one or two stories that I was only a spectator for. There really aren't any written rules about this kind of thing. ^^
Mykin 4th Feb 2016, 7:29 AM edit delete reply
I agree with Digo, as long as it's an rpg then you're good. I mean, I've shared stories from Only War, Shadowrun, Pathfinder, Star Wars, and you get the idea. Though if there's a rule on having to witness a game then I've broken it. I've told a few stories that I've heard other people tell me and repeated it here because they were interesting and fit the theme for the day.

Well then, I forward to whatever stories you have to share with us here Ted. :D
Digo Dragon 4th Feb 2016, 10:40 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Well if you trust those people enough to retell their stories, then I don't see a problem. :D
Evilbob 4th Feb 2016, 2:26 PM edit delete reply
Of course! We're a trustworthy bunch. We'd neverrrr lie or exaggerate to Mykin. Right, Mykin? :D
Flame Warp 5th Feb 2016, 4:28 PM edit delete reply
Honestly, if you can tell the story, who cares whether you played or not?
Kinrah 4th Feb 2016, 7:03 AM edit delete reply
The story's getting a little tired, seeing as it's the only one I know, but it still counts for the prompt; the character introduction sequence that began with a cop at the door for some routine questioning and ended with the character's death/near death/incarceration/player kicked from the game.
terrycloth 4th Feb 2016, 10:58 AM edit delete reply
GM at a con tried to have us all meet just outside a bar. The pregen I picked was a 'robber'. The second player to be introduced was a 'naïve noble'. We were in the bad part of town, and she was searching for a kidnapped relative.

I guess he expected us to work together? Since she had the mission and I had knowledge of the area.

Instead I tried to rob her. It didn't go well for anyone.
Digo Dragon 5th Feb 2016, 5:30 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
That highlights my issue with a lot of pre-gen characters. When I do pre-gens, I leave the personalities vague and the goals malleable so that the players can fill in the blanks and be able to work together (and RP the character in a way they're comfortable with).
UnicornWizard 4th Feb 2016, 8:08 AM edit delete reply
After making a deal with devils to slaughter the archangel, Michael, and destroying the equivalent of paradise on earth (we swear we're good guys), we teleport back to our home base because we hear a beholder is causing trouble and killing our townspeople.

He's here because we stole these magic pages he was "protecting" that could lead to this deity, the Blue King, coming and sinking the land into the sea and turning everyone into fish people (we think this is either Dagon or some other Lovecraftian horror). Eventually, negotiations break down and we fight the Beholder, but meanwhile there is an army outside, also here to take the pages. Turns out it's the Beholder's former army, brainwashed by agents of the Blue King.

Instead of either fighting or negotiating a deal/temporary ceasefire with the Beholder, we pretend to be "enslaved" into his new army. Now we're preparing for war with a bunch of terrified peasants, some mercenaries, our party, a Beholder vs a ton of Morlocks and lots of drillcars a la Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Pitting two hated enemies against each other is kind of our go-to plan.
Smarty 4th Feb 2016, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
So I'm running like...I think it was my second game of 4e D&D and there is a cart waiting for them to take them to a temple.

Now this was a fairly bog standard cart, Four wheels, wooden, driven by a bloke in the front except it was pulled by camels instead of horses and I was fully expecting them to ask about this.

what I wasn't expecting was as follows

Druid: I walk past the cart and over to the camels.
Me: one of them looks at you as you enter his view.
Druid: I ask him how his day has been.
Me: ...i'm sorry what

It turned out the camel had been having a pretty shitty week.
Digo Dragon 4th Feb 2016, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
LOL, that was pretty clever though.
Solitary Performance 4th Feb 2016, 8:45 PM edit delete reply
This ends up reminding me of some of the neat stuff that Bioware & co. slipped into Neverwinter Nights 1 and 2, as there was a time or two where being a druid would let you talk to some animal in town and get you a relatively weak item (like a potion of aid or something in the first town)
Digo Dragon 5th Feb 2016, 5:32 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
I still have my copy of NWN 1... it did not age well, but I remember the fun times of those little joke bits the creators slip in.
j-eagle12212012 4th Feb 2016, 9:19 AM edit delete reply
I was right about applejack being cool with it lol
RinaldoLuke 4th Feb 2016, 9:53 AM edit delete reply
Happens nearly every time one of my characters dies. Everyone else expects me to be sad, but usually it's a cool death and I have new ideas for like a billion characters, so I end up talking about how awesome it was for like a week.
redwings1340 4th Feb 2016, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
I probably should have seen this coming, but this happened once in my campaign to create something beautiful.

So, I have an NPC who's kind of a mystery, who says he represents the Campaign for Paradox Time, and goes around spreading his beliefs. Basically, his philosophy is that, if you encounter a creature that's going to destroy a town, you should send it in to the past. They believe that because we know it wasn't a threat in the past, someone in the past will magically take care of the problem before it kills anyone else in the present. After all, it already happened so it can't change.

So, this guy comes in and installs a time machine weapon on one of the main character's ships, telling them to use it on any terrible dangers that could come up in the future. The owner of the ship was somewhere else, so a talking neopet cat named Captain RAWLing was piloting it. So, she gets in a situation where her ship's attacked by a large fleet of ships from a corrupt dictatorship, and I feel as though the ship is a lost cause, and expect everyone on the ship to use escape pods.

What I didn't expect, and what I maybe should have, was that RAWLing would use the time machine to go back in time to escape the attacking fleet. I had nothing planned for any past adventures, and kind of went, "WAIT, WHAT?" when I saw her do it. It was an amazing escape, and the ship remained intact!

Then, RAWLing proceeded to save and found the very empire she was fighting, hundreds of years in the past, while getting some very lucrative interviews with the campaign for paradox time in the process!
redwings1340 4th Feb 2016, 11:04 AM edit delete reply
Aw, man, forgot to log in, rip my beautiful picture.
you know that guy 4th Feb 2016, 3:06 PM edit delete reply
This probably means that Captain Rawling is going to destroy a town in the future.
Broken Gear 4th Feb 2016, 11:13 AM edit delete reply
I have a story. It was first time I was a GM and we were playing Call of Cthulhu.
My players entered decaying old house and found pentagram drawn on floor in one of the rooms. I had them hear something upstairs so, of course, they went up and stood face to face with semi-incorporeal unkillable enemy.
I thought that after seeing that bullets do nothing they will run out of the house and come up with a plan. What they did was, they ran into the pentagram room, STILL SHOOTING THE THING. When they ran out of bullets they took the bottle of urine (that they found earlier) and threw that at it, all the while frantically running around the pentagram to find a way to banish the monstrosity.
But the highlight of the session (at least for me) was when one of the players decided to TRY TO SWIM THROUGH IT. Normally it should have killed him but that and the urine bottle humoured me enough to make him roll power. And he had lowest power in the group. And he still succeeded.
It was awesome session.
aylatrigger 4th Feb 2016, 11:34 AM edit delete reply
Hmmm...this may count. We were playing a game called 'Snowball'. It's a version of 'Pool', with a key difference- The story telling is backwards. You start at the end, and go backwards, scene by scene, until you finish your story by getting to the beginning. Another key note: players roll a number of dice based on related traits for any task. This determines whether they win and get to say HOW they win, lose and get to say HOW they lose, or the GM decides.

Characters are simply made by choosing one 'trait', and giving it a few levels. As you go along, you get more traits. Traits can be anything, so our party chose Psychic Air Blades, Swordsmaster, Telekinesis, an Electricity User...and I chose 'Eldritch Puppetmaster'. When asked what I meant by this, I said, 'All of the above. I am one who puppetmasters Eldritches, I am Eldritch Abomination and a Puppetmaster, and I used to do a little kid's puppet show called 'My Little Cthulhu'.' And it turned out I was puppetmastering more than just the characters.

...Needless to say, the GM decided our first 'scene' (as in, our ending) to be when the group is in an escape pod leaving a spaceship, which was taken over by Eldritch Abominations. One of my tentacles ended up on the ship, so I regrew from it and tried to kill them, but got killed myself, earning 'dies at the end' trait.
aylatrigger 4th Feb 2016, 11:34 AM edit delete reply
The next scene was back on the ship. We were hearing monstrous sounds from all over. We made a barricade with some metal scraps lying around, then electrified them. After we had completed this task, we heard crying from the other side...a little girl. Trope-wise, we knew we should not save her, but in-character, we wanted to. So we looked around. There were air ducts from the hallway to the room we were in. So we opened the covers with telekinesis, removed the fans and laser security system with air blades, and then tried to bring the little girl through the duct with Telekinesis. But that roll failed. "Okay, so I don't bring her through," said the telekinesis player. I interjected: "How about you do bring her through...but she turns into an Eldritch Abomination?" He decided to go with my suggestion... So the little girl came through, turned into a tentacle monster, and attacked us. While the rest of the party was distracted, I turned into an even more horrible monster behind them. Realizing I had monster-fied, they grabbed the ex-girl and threw her at me. ...I absorbed her and grew larger and more tentacle-y. The battle raged, but eventually they cut me down and incinerated me...Except for one tentacle, which lived due to my trait 'Dies at the end', and slithered onto their escape pod.

Now to get to the reason this game is a response to the Story prompt: My friend, who was playing the swordsman, suggested that he was a Knights Templar-and that I used to be his friend in the knights templars, but betrayed the group. In this game, adding on backstory elements needs rolls. So he rolled for it. ...And he lost. "So we were in the knights templars, but you were never my friend?" he suggested. I countered: "No wait, we were in the knights templars, and we were friends...but I wasn't the one to betray the knights templar. The knights templar are a Cthulhu Cult." He loved it, and decided to go with my suggestion. ...Giving me more power by having the knights templar on my side. Also giving himself the trait 'Only Sane Templar' and myself the trait 'Knights Templar'-which also helped with any Eldritch thing I did.

I might as well finish/begin the story. The next scene we had, we found ourselves in the ship's kitchen. The cook was laying dead on the table. I rolled and succeeded for discretely removing the knife I had placed in his back (thus making it I who had killed him). The horror story was just beginning. We left the kitchen and carefully went to the bridge. There was our captain, sitting in his sci-fi chair, and if I remember correctly, dead. We looked at the ship's computer, one of our party decided he was in love with the computer, and I injected something in the dead captain. He turned into a monster, we shot a laser beam at him, it hit the computer as well, frying it completely. ...It was a short lived love. And monster. Anyway, we ran for the escape pod room.

And that was the beginning. I do appreciate that my friends let me completely manipulate them outside of the game as well as inside. Because of that, I was able to turn all their failed die rolls into my successes. ...Also, if you ever GM a game with that type of mechanic, never let a player take the villain role. It is very munchkin-like.
Winged Cat 4th Feb 2016, 3:06 PM edit delete reply
I may have posted this before, but it certainly qualifies for this prompt.

DM had us start as captured slaves. We'd started to form an escape plan, when suddenly the guards rounded up everyone and threatened to execute a slave. We were face down, guards had their weapons out and pointed at us, we were unarmed and unarmored, and everyone was alert. The lead guard picked an NPC to execute.

The DM expected us to agonize over a moral dilemma, to establish a horror mood: do we fight to save the NPC, or let him die to make our escape smoother? And then choose the former.

He did not expect the players to get bored and disinterested.

Problem was, there wasn't a point in rolling initiative. Attacking, or doing anything other than nothing, could easily be shown to have over a 90% chance of TPK with no other significant result. (Even if we got first action, we couldn't do much, then they would fire with poisoned crossbow bolts, most likely incapacitating us from failing a tough Con save if the bolts didn't simply reduce us to 0 HP directly. The guards were looking to kill someone anyway, so we were unlikely to be resurrected, even assuming they had access to such.)

Result: what the DM meant to be an action prompt was taken as a cutscene.

Further, the escape plan we had been working on had been wrecked by the alarm, in a way the DM had not realized. (We were building a spot to hide in so we could pretend to have escaped, wait until they went away searching for us, then actually escape in whatever direction they did not go. We were caught out in the open in the middle of building it. There was no IC way we could not believe the guards had not seen the hiding spot, and thus would not check it quickly if we did seem to have vanished.) This was after the DM had told us to come up with escape plans, and this was the only one suggested. (Also, the DM had ignored one of the PCs casting a spell at one of the guards, making it seem like "no sell don't bother rolling", when in truth the DM had not noticed.)

Result: the players weren't even interested in the cutscene, instead trying to figure out what the point of playing was when presented with this degree of railroad. (In the ensuing discussion, the DM asked what we wanted. My answer: "For you to run a RPG.")

The DM took session break at that point, and next session he had demons suddenly attack, drawing away enough guards that PC action now had a good chance of not auto-TPKing, so we could take it and escape. (Of course, the dice tried to induce TPK anyway.)
Kulian 4th Feb 2016, 7:46 PM Deja Vu edit delete reply
I swear I JUST heard this story from his side recently. I don't remember if it was on this site or a different one, but it could have been here.
Ishidan 5th Feb 2016, 1:40 PM Cutscene edit delete reply
"Taken as a cutscene".
There is a terrible pun to be had in this, depending on the method of execution.
Demonu 4th Feb 2016, 3:18 PM edit delete reply
Any time a certain guy in my new group doesn't respond with "I burn X down." or "I want to punch X." is certainly a novelty to behold...
Digo Dragon 5th Feb 2016, 5:33 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
I fixed the punch part by sending some fire elementals at the PC. "Yeah, let's see you punch fire now!" XD
Corundrom 5th Feb 2016, 9:32 AM edit delete reply
I had that happen once(with the dm even cackling that exact line) and our barbarian goes *I use scroll of frost touch.....then I punch fire*
Undhine 4th Feb 2016, 3:34 PM edit delete reply
We had just broken into an abandoned house to escape a horde of hive mind, demon controlled townspeople. While looking for anything useful, one of the party came across a toolbox. The bard of the party (who had been complaining that thus far, there had been no good drops for her class) decided to claim it, then asked the DM what was inside.
DM: Tools...
Bard: What kind of tools?
DM: Um, normal tools?
Bard: What, specifically, kind of normal tools?
DM: ... um, a hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench, maybe a measuring tape?
Bard: I roll to infuse tools with soundwaves.
DM: ... (knowing that they had allowed this with a sword earlier) uh, ok?
Bard: Success!
DM: So... what now?
Bard: I equip sonic screwdriver.
Ted the saiyanwolf 4th Feb 2016, 8:16 PM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
Well one story that I heard is that a rogue ranger is always greed for money and loots everything that within her morals. And she usually very stingily with money even if it's 1 gold coin, but recently she give one of her hired people 300 gold, it would of been 400 gold if he didn't decline it.
Akouma 4th Feb 2016, 9:20 PM edit delete reply
I think I've told this story before, but there was one time where my chaotic good Alchemist had a bit of a fight with his bro for life lawful evil Sorcerer. We were staff on a naval voyage, and discovered two islands with a plot ripped straight from a Star Trek episode. One island was dying of this horrible illness. The other had the means of making medicine to cure it, and was milking it in their trade agreements. (Turns out the disease was the effects of withdrawals from the medicine itself, but we didn't know that until near the end of the session.)

Everyone kind of expected my chaotic good guy to go "oh, that's horrible and needs to be stopped" and do something like liberate the medicine supplies for the people or something. Instead, he goes "well, the people of both islands seem happy enough with the arrangement and it's not any of my damn business since I'm just passing through. I don't feel like doing any smashing the establishment on this one."

Meanwhile, his best bud lawful evil guy DOES go "oh that's horrible and something needs to be done about it I'm going to go liberate the medical supplies for the people (and a tidy side profit) or something." Naturally this ended with them arguing the ethical ramifications of the whole situation, except we basically somehow switched alignments for the duration of the argument.
Raxon 5th Feb 2016, 1:55 AM edit delete reply
Sooo, you want me to pick one, or just go down the list? I've told all the stories that qualified that I can recall.

The paladin and cleric murdering a little girl and vaporizing her corpse so she couldn't be rezzed was a particularly dick move, though.
Ted the saiyanwolf 5th Feb 2016, 5:03 AM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
Were they later known as the "kid-slayer"?
Raxon 5th Feb 2016, 9:50 PM edit delete reply
The kid was a vampire, but wore a necklace that kept her human. The thief stole it from her, and she went into bloodstarved mode. Paladin player told me their character wore spiked gauntlets, and proceeded to punch the little girl to death because vampires are evil, therefore she should kill this vampire.

When other party members talked about rezzing the poor girl and curing her vamirism, the cleric burned the corpse to ash because he couldn't abide aiding an evil creature.

The whole campaign was going to be about finding a cure, and more than that, the mystery behind the shard of a dead god she wore.
Cliff Robotnik 5th Feb 2016, 3:12 AM edit delete reply
A Story on PC's reacting entirely different then expected?

Try my entire DMing career... by now, you'd expect me to figure out i simply cant guess the reactions of these guys, and not expect them to find a way to make use of ANY Off-the-wall insane-ass and/or cursed item they find.
CrimsonNutcase 5th Feb 2016, 6:51 AM My DM Hated Me edit delete reply
We had just gotten back from a discussion with a cloaked figure in an alley about how we were now targeted by the Big Bad Evil Group and had reconvened in the tavern (An Inn Most Premier, that's the name we gave it). The rogue decided to go try and find the black market for information and got attacked halfway by Invisible Stalkers. He got knocked the f- out.

The Dragonborn Fighter decides he wants to check the market and wanders off. He got attacked by Invisible Stalkers. He got knocked the f- out.

The group's wizard 'mysteriously disappeared' by way of his controller wanting to make a new char. This left me, the Halfling Druid, sat on my own in the bar drinking.

Cue the bar emptying, stuff flying off the shelves and something responding to my drunken yelling with "It's Me". Combat started and I immediately used a spell to knock everything near me 15 foot back. And it went face first into the solid wall of tavern, knocking bottles over which let me see the water-covered elemental.

I immediately turn into a bear and start to claw and bite it every single round while it failed to hit past my AC. About 12 minutes later, the DM and the other players were glaring at me as I was the only character to kill the creature sent to knock me out for story purposes
Ted the saiyanwolf 5th Feb 2016, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
*claps* it sounds like I would try to do
Ted the saiyanwolf 5th Feb 2016, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
*claps* it sounds like I would try to do
Ted the saiyanwolf 5th Feb 2016, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
Ted the saiyanwolf
*claps* it sounds like I would try to do
Specter 5th Feb 2016, 2:33 PM edit delete reply
I read this page with a lighter step as I move forward through my day helping another move from his apartment to another city.

Now I read the page with my mind shrouded in darkness and my steps heavy and burdened, and I wonder why so many don't seem to care or notice what is happening. So I tell them...

Now I read what I said, and slap myself for my own neediness. Time for some light-hearted comedy.
Silver Guardian 13th Mar 2016, 5:33 PM edit delete reply
I was playing a SWAT Kats-themed online game, and the SWAT Kats(new guys recruited by the original two, who were getting on in years) had just shut down a machine of Dark Kat's that was putting the city under a dome of absolute darkness. The master had expected Dark Kat to do his usual contingency of activating a bomb and getting away while the SWAT Kats escaped the blast zone...

What happened instead was that Dark Kat got tied up with a bola from one SWAT Kat's glovatrix early on in the battle, and my SWAT Kat got into a position where he was able to sit on the bound Dark Kat and tell him, "If I die, you die."

Dark Kat did eventually get out of that, but with my SWAT Kat never more than five steps behind, the master had to improvise more and more details of the escape route on the fly, until a white-water river finally convinced me to give up the chase.

I made a passing mention in the next session that my character had spent the intervening time searching for Dark Kat's body along the coastline near where the river joined the ocean; that got laughs out of everyone. XD