Page 88 - Too Much, Too Early

28th Feb 2012, 5:00 AM in Friendship is Magic, Part 2
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Too Much, Too Early
Average Rating: 4.8 (5 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 28th Feb 2012, 5:00 AM edit delete
Story time for the DMs out there!

In the comments, tell a story about the DM having to make a quick, off-the-wall improvisation in response to something unexpected from the players.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Fancolt 28th Feb 2012, 5:05 AM edit delete reply
Next page : CLIMAX
Or maybe the next next page.
Anon 28th Feb 2012, 5:05 AM edit delete reply
Awesome. Let's see Nightmare Moon be a badflank.
Climax 28th Feb 2012, 5:09 AM edit delete reply
Perfectly average fantasy setting, pretty standard group, and a rogue none of us could stand.

I had a cleric character I used to control them a little, and because none of them wanted to be a healer. For the heck of it, I decided to make the cleric a dangerously dumb blond.

Apparently my valley girl accent got on the nerves of our rogue, who decided to lop my head off.

He succeeded.

That was the moment everyone discovered that my cleric was a zombie, her thick perfumes were embalming oils, and she could use that combined power to reattach her head easily.

The look on his face was priceless.
Kaleopolitus 28th Feb 2012, 5:35 AM edit delete reply
Did anyone in the party hit on her? Because I really want to know how they reacted to that xD
Guest 28th Feb 2012, 4:54 PM edit delete reply
Are you crazy? Guys who play D&D hitting on a dumb blonde with a valley-girl accent? Are you insane?
It's not even a matter of social skills, it's a matter of why the TOOT would they WANT to?
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 10:51 AM edit delete reply
One word, Guest, one word.


And pictures.

Of the dumb blonde.

Hot pictures.

Plus hormones.
Bronymous 29th Feb 2012, 4:03 AM edit delete reply
"When we last left your heroes, they were at the Inn of the North Star in the town of Isildor. How would you like to begin your adventure?"
"I wanna get some bitches."
Mecryte 29th Feb 2012, 6:57 PM edit delete reply
We had this problem. No-one wanted to be a leader type. This was on the premise that they don't contribute enough damage. Cue PAX and Harbek Bloodbiter, the Dwarf Cleric. Crashing through with a Mordenkrad, we've now got a party consisting of: a warlord, a cleric, a shaman, a bard, an artificer, and an ardent.
Ranubis 28th Feb 2012, 5:27 AM edit delete reply
Last session, the party was traveling to speak with the Green Fey. Going into the fey camp, the flavor text said that the satyrs were cooking food over some fires. The Minotaur immediately begins to ask what they're cooking, in case he's related. My thoughts basically went:
Can't have them cooking a cow, that will drive away the party's main fighter.
Anyway, there aren't any cows on this island anyway, right?
So what are they cooking?
The only other animals that I know are on the island are bears and unicorns, so...
Oh. Oh dear.

And that's how the party learned that the island originally had THREE unicorns, not two.
Kaleopolitus 28th Feb 2012, 5:38 AM edit delete reply
Unicorn soup is best when you stir it with the horn :D
Panoptes 28th Feb 2012, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
Naw, pulled unicorn sandwiches. Messy, mythical, and delicious!
Classic Steve 28th Feb 2012, 8:09 AM edit delete reply
You know, bear paw soup is a real delicacy in Cambodia.
Cain 28th Feb 2012, 1:26 PM edit delete reply
Don't forget your little encounter ending stunt last season. "I roll to knock the crown off". Also your DMing in the cave, you wanted Davven out of the picture and they tied a rope to his waist so you had it get cut, the reaction was funny.
Duder-Skanks 28th Feb 2012, 5:33 AM edit delete reply
Does the entirety of Darths & Droids count?
Ranubis 28th Feb 2012, 8:42 AM edit delete reply
I should think so, as a prime example of how one single sentence can completely rout a planned campaign.

"Say, Obi-Wan, how about we search the room?"
Izandai 29th Feb 2012, 5:55 PM edit delete reply
Eeyup. One application of the search skill and literally nothing went as the DM planned. I actually feel sorry for that guy.
Wynni 28th Feb 2012, 5:46 AM something blew up, I'm in charge now. edit delete reply
Our intrepid adventurers were out to axe an evil mage terrorizing the countryside. Pretty standard fare, and we were having a ball. It came down to the climatic final battle, and one of our party got a nat twenty in the first round....bye bye mage.

and then we find out that the 'apprentice' wasn't. ><
Urthdigger 28th Feb 2012, 5:50 AM edit delete reply
In a campaign I was DMing a while back, I was still getting used to combat balance. After a few sessions of generally easy boss fights, I pitted them up against something bigger. Nothing TOO bad, just a large fire elemental, but I was just trying to make the encounter harder by picking a mob with a higher challenge level. I didn't realize their main tactic of knocking an enemy prone that had worked on several of my humanoid bosses didn't work here, and on top of it now we had a foe dealing a lot more damage.

I wound up having to take the joke character (Supposedly the cleric of a new god, his only spell being able to create invisible objects within a certain volume, which vanish when he's no longer touching them. Later he'd turn out to be the god himself in disguise), have him conjure up an invisible wall to hold off the elemental while the rest of the party ran to safety, before running out with his tail between his legs so the party could later form a plan to sneak past the elemental and steal the McGuffin. I'm pretty sure my players thought I had planned that whole scene out in advance to be that DM NPC's crowning moment of awesome, but it really was just me looking at the tools I had and thinking "Ok... what can I do to make the party not instantly DIE"
King 28th Feb 2012, 9:18 AM edit delete reply
I like how you did that instead of leaving them to die. That's pretty awesome.
EspyLacopa 28th Feb 2012, 9:25 AM edit delete reply
So. . .you saved the party with the God of Mimes?
Urthdigger 28th Feb 2012, 2:03 PM edit delete reply
Oh it gets better, he gets his mime powers from being a lolcat.
Guest 28th Feb 2012, 2:05 PM edit delete reply
i made this, but it was a kraken in a 6 LV campaign

one died, the rest ran(swam?) far, far away
Colin 28th Feb 2012, 5:27 PM edit delete reply
I had the same situation, except it was the player's idea. New players,lvl 1,two deathjump spiders and an ettercap who was hiding in the webs. They're losing rather badly, even though I'm using their wimpiest attacks. Then the greenest player, playing a tiefling warlock, attempted to persuade the ettercap they didn't mean to attack his spiders. Due to a sky-high Bluff skill (and me being impressed with her roleplayed speech) she succeeded, despite him not having language.

I said, "He chitters at the spiders and they back off. Going back into the webs, he stops and glares at the warforged [who was the only one that'd done decent damage] before leaving you in peace." Gave the party full XP for that.
123notit 28th Feb 2012, 5:52 AM edit delete reply
My group had a boss encounter with a goblin shaman and his tribal clan, planning a sacrifice of two half-elf girls to their god (which they believed to be the moon). They plow straight through the group, killing the shaman easily.

Luckily, I planned for this. ROUND 2! This time, he's been reraised by Orcus' forces (a symbol burned into him is all too clear to our Orcus-hating Spell Sword), and he's summoning undead tribalmen! I even did up an audio file of him, warped with some effects for that evil that now comprised of him. Party LOVED it, they were so freaked out initially.
Kaleopolitus 28th Feb 2012, 6:31 AM edit delete reply
Well, it's not a 'oh crap, gotta think of something' story, but it's good nonetheless :)
Grrys 28th Feb 2012, 6:24 AM edit delete reply
I sent my Pathfinder group after a lich one time. Fairly standard, it lives in a cave away from society with a bunch of traps that could potentially kill the party, including a few dozen mimics. Eventually, they reach a part of the cave that doesn't look so much a cave as it does a structure carved entirely out of stone. So they proceed through the entire path of that room and head on to the next one.

The lich was hiding in the wall. Literally IN the wall, having used a spell to hide himself. And to make it better, the Sorcerer we had at that time knew Detect Magic.
ppp 28th Feb 2012, 6:30 AM edit delete reply
Back when I had just started DMing with a group of beginners, I had this one character named Stacy who, despite having a 1 for bluff, loves to spout out completely outlandish and obviously unbelievable lies at every opportunity. For most, there's absolutely no chance of any sentient creature believing it, so I tell her to make a bluff check and say it failed before the dice even stop rolling. Well, the characters come to this social encounter with a goblin chief, and they want to get by him without another fight. The conversation went something like this:

Goblin Chief: "Give me one good reason why I should let you out of here alive."
Stacy: *before anyone else can speak* "Because I have to pee!!"
Me: *headdesk*
Rest of the party: "Oh my god, shut up Stacy!"
Me: "No, No. It's fine. Stacy, roll a bluff check."
Stacy: "Alright, sweet." *rolls* "Yeah! Natural 20! The Goblins have to believe me!"

I think I just stood there, mouth agape, for about 10 seconds wondering what to do about it. I could have told her it still didn't work, of course, but instead I slump in my chair, look up and, in my best goblin voice, say -- "Me been there to. You can go. Toilet hole is up ahead on the left."

Of course, now that that worked, the amount of lies she spouts off have increased 10-fold, and she insists that she roll for each one of them, just in case. Lesson learned, I guess -- what's that old saying? "Give PCs an inch, and they'll take a mile," or something?
Vegetalss4 29th Feb 2012, 11:21 AM edit delete reply
Alternative lesson: The rule about skill checks not automatically succeeding on a natural twenty or failing on a natural one, is there for a reason.

Alternative, alternative lesson:
Just because you manage to fool someone into believing something don't mean they have to do as you want.
That is even if the goblins believe that she has to pee why should that make them want to let her go?
Kingkirby 28th Feb 2012, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
I have an interesting second hand story about that. A friend of mine was playing in a campaign, and his group was up against the final boss. He critically fails on an attack roll, and the DM sends his weapon flying out of his hands, rolling a die to randomly decide where it goes. Just so happens it hits the one thing that was keeping the boss on that plane, and the boss was defeated. I'm pretty sure he had them fight another boss after that, since it was so anticlimactic

On the other hand, my regular DM seems to be incapable of improvising - hell, I've accidentally caused him to cut a campaign off in the middle because I did something he didn't expect to have happen
Megan 28th Feb 2012, 7:16 AM edit delete reply
Our wizard dispelled a ritual that was going to be a significant part of a boss battle. Several dozen children had been abducted, and were magically brainwashed to fight against us. When we finally got to the encounter the children were still there, but we had to protect them from cross-fire, rather than having to deal with them attacking us.
Lyntermas 28th Feb 2012, 8:11 AM edit delete reply the DM aiming for a TPK because the story went wrong? Because that's kind of what it looks like at this point.

And just that smile at the end. It's perfect.

Twilight: Surrender now, NMM. We wield the Elements now.
NMM: Oh, yes. I can't *possibly* stand against the combined forces of Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Loyalty, and...oh, what was the Sixth Element again? I don't recall you mentioning it.
Twilight:...uh, guys, what did the Reference Guide say?
Fluttershy: It said it didn't know it, but that is was the one that actually activated their power.
Twilight: Oh. Right. Um....Cleverness?
DM: NMM swipes her ethereal mane at RD. <roll>She takes 25 damage.
Twilight: Wait, she's actually attacking us?
Rarity: Toying with us, actually. If she really wanted to kill us right out, she would have used a high-level spell.
Twilight:But...but...we're only level 1! You don't have the final boss kill the party at level 1! That's not fair!
AJ: Twi, this is the boss that destroyed the Elements first chance she got. I don't think "fair play" trumps "winning" in her mind.
Twilight: Um, is talking a free action?
DM: You think NMM is going to stand by while you randomly guess the Sixth Element? From now on, you only get one guess for each time your allies attack.
Twilight: Okay, so I've got at least 5 guesses until she attacks again.
PP: Wait, don't high level characters attack faster than level 1 characters?
Twilight:...Dang it.
sun tzu 28th Feb 2012, 8:16 AM edit delete reply
Exalted game. First session.
The Solar PCs chance upon a village being overrun by zombies. Being Solars, they effortlessly crush the undead. OK, that was the plan.
Then one of them used a magic-detection power. I hadn't planned on there BEING anything for them to detect, but that seemed boring...So I told him he could the ghost of one of the women killed in the zombie attack, crying as she watched over her now-orphaned daughter. This led to them talking to her ghost and trying to send her back into the circle of reincarnation. So I decided to have her agree to let go and reincarnate...on the condition that they took care of her daughter. That led to the Eclipse adopting the girl, who became a beloved NPC...whom I later revealed to be a destined Sidereal Exalted.
Scipio 28th Feb 2012, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
This is a second-hand story, since I wasn't part of the campaign. A friend of mine was DMing a campaign where the PCs had to take care of a vampire infestation. Turns out it was more than just an infestation, as they eventually came up against the Lord or Duke or whoever was in charge of the region, only to discover that he, too, was a vampire. He used some kind of weak mind control in an attempt to split the party so they would be forced to fight themselves, rather than him. So they rolled INT checks.

EVERYONE rolled low and fell under his influence. Instead of inventing some excuse to split the party in half anyway, my friend got inspired and decided to rewrite the rest of the campaign between sessions. The PCs became the vampire's willing servants, sent on errands to deal with threats to his rule. He had them roll difficult INT checks every once in a while to see if they could break free of the vampire's control.
Digo 28th Feb 2012, 8:31 AM House Arrest edit delete reply
The game was Shadowrun (4e) and the party were mercs hired "off the record" by the local police to take down a drug lord who was hiding in the slums of Redmond. The police can't get past the red tape, but they can overlook a mercenary group taking the drug lord down and bringing him to justice.
Sounds easy enough.

The party does their legwork and locates the drug lord's hideout, a two-story home in the slums barricaded with basic guns and plenty of drugs to keep everyone inside happy. I planned this adventure out to be an infiltration into the house with some sniping and stealth.

Instead, the players bought some containers and made a stop over at the nearest gas station. They then got to the house and proceeded to SET IT ON FIRE.

Thinking fast, I decided that the drug lord had *BIG* guns and would have his men lay down heavy cover fire as he tried to escape in his truck. This was working as the players were forced to retreat back to the fence line.
The players spread out and kept the heat on (literally) as the team driver remote-drove the team van into the garage. The intent was to break down the garage door and give the other players a hole to throw more gasoline into.
They didn't realize it, but this had the effect of pinning the getaway truck and preventing the boss from escaping on anything other than foot.

At that point the choice for the villains was surrender or get cooked. :)

They chose to surrender.
Demonu 28th Feb 2012, 8:38 AM edit delete reply
As a DM, I like to present the players with choices that are cruel, questions their character's conscience or generally have no 100% negative or positive outcome.

One of those was that at the end of a dungeon, after they had beaten the boss, the players found something that could best be described as a bonus level. Basically, it involved a few skill challenges tailored to each character and if everyone succeeded, they would unlock the final chamber. Everyone passed their "test" so when they unlocked the final chamber, I decided to present the final test.

Inside the room, there were several items that had so many buffs and bonuses that just having them would make everything you did 20% cooler. But there was also a little girl magically chained to them. Now the kicker was that in order to get the items, the players would have to kill the girl. The choice essentially boiled down to:
- killing the girl and getting the best items in the world but having violated pretty much everything they stood for (and I made it clear that people will know of their actions should they do so) or
- leaving everything as it was and leave the weapons behind.
Of course, since I knew that most of the players would pick option 2 ('cause, you know, they're the good guys after all), I threw in the notion that some of the items were quest related (being keys to unlock something) so they had to get them one way or the other.

Everything unfolded as planned. The paladin (lawful good) started arguing with everyone else about the importance of life and that they couldn't just kill a little girl in cold blood for greed, while the others tried other methods like trying to steal them (didn't work, magical security), tried to talk with the girl to know more about the whole situation (which yielded the same explination as above with a little more background to it) or try to move the items in some other way without having to resort to violence. One of them even tried to talk the girl into killing herself so that they wouldn't have to do it (needless to say, this didn't work)
Demonu 28th Feb 2012, 8:38 AM part 2 edit delete reply
Now I expected them to eventually come to a consensus that killing the girl would be bad but letting the world come to armageddon was even worse (it was that kind of story) and take the items for the greater good. Until one player, who hadn't participated in the argument with the paladin or tried anything on his own, asked how the girl looked like, seeing how I didn't provide much information aside from that she was a girl, little and magically chained to the items. So I gave him a drawing of the girl (my group uses a lot of pictures, mostly because not everyone is equally good at describing things) and the following exchange occured:

Me (the DM): Here's a picture of how she looks.
Player (as both the player and the PC): Oh god, she's adorable!
Me: Yes yes, now what are you going to...
PC: Can we take her?
Me: Excuse me?
PC: Can we take the girl along instead of the items?
Me: No, she is magically bound to the items and you can only take the items if you kill her.
PC: Okay, then we destroy the items and take the girl.
Me: What?

So yeah, he somehow convinced the other players to destroy the incredible powerful MacGuffin items and take the girl. He even named her Sarah. And ever since then, she has been travelling along with the players as some sort of mascot and surrogate daughter. So now, a group of 5 tough and hardened adventures now take time out of their killing and dungeon exploring schedule to take Sarah to a local school, spend time with her and include things like dolls and clothes whenever they go shopping for swords, armour and potions.
And they have never been happier.

Of course, now I have retconned that their choice was the correct one and that Sarah is the daughter of a god and vital to the story but back then, I couldn't believe the group would choose the girl over Awesome McKilling Sword of Justice (so to speak)
Digo 28th Feb 2012, 8:56 AM edit delete reply
That is *AWESOME* :D
I like your group already.
Ranubis 28th Feb 2012, 9:50 AM edit delete reply
Ok, this group is amazing. Probably says something about the average adventuring group in general that given a choice between killing a little girl for loot or being 'kind' and leaving her chained up in a cave, most wouldn't even try looking for a third choice.
Kaleopolitus 28th Feb 2012, 1:41 PM edit delete reply
Joe England 29th Feb 2012, 12:16 PM edit delete reply
That's just crazy adorable. "The Five Fathers." That'd make a great web cartoon series!
JR Klein 1st Mar 2012, 11:09 AM edit delete reply
I've heard a story much like this before...
magewolf 4th Mar 2012, 9:44 AM edit delete reply
ah wanna be in that party, that's the cool party!
Raxon 15th Jun 2012, 9:05 PM edit delete reply
Wait a minute... I've read that story before...Where was it... GITP? Dumpshock maybe? Darn you, now I have to go look for it.
Trixter 2nd Jul 2013, 4:42 PM edit delete reply
Your story is now on youtube. id look it up if I where you. =)
it starts at 06:20
Pastshelfdate 16th Sep 2013, 8:36 PM Favorite MFID story yet edit delete reply
I loved this story the first time I saw it, weeks ago, and still do. Someone realized that if they started down the path of justifying the killing of innocents, that they'd do it again and again, getting worse, each time. And I'm really glad yo respected their choice. You still succeeded in your aim of confronting them with difficult moral choices, yet as you said, they've never been happier. It's a game. Learning is important, but it should also be fun. Good for you! :D
Nikoxine 3rd Jan 2022, 1:53 PM edit delete reply
Hi: i doubt youre still checking this or will ever see this, but i read this somewhere else like 6 years ago and genuinely thought i was having some sort of fever dream as i tried to look for it again. thank you for your wonderful story. has there been any update? and do you catolouge this story in a format that can be shared with others.
Guest 28th Feb 2012, 10:14 AM edit delete reply
I wouldn't have hesitated to kill the girl. The way I see it, killing the few to protect the many is what the party stands for.

If a character is evil, that just means that it's more likely that they're worth killing. It doesn't mean it isn't fundamentally any better than killing a good character.
Demonu 28th Feb 2012, 2:13 PM A edit delete reply
Perhaps but most of the group were either good or lawful good with one neutral (the one who choose to take her with them)

And yes, the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few but given that about 95% of the world (aka every non-quest npc) wouldn't know the overarching quest behind it, the group would be branded child murderers and be arrested on sight, let alone having a lynch mob come after them.

While I was surprised back then, I'm glad that it played out as it did. Because of that choice, I can now throw some minor shenanigans at them in between adventures.

Like the one time that the group had to explore an underground lair but the door would only be visible by a full moon. So instead of just flashing to that point, I decided to throw in some character moments (my group values story and character interaction over just rolling dices and combat) so I let Sarah come home crying from school and told the group that she was being bullied by the other kids because of something she didn't do (a fragment of her power got out of control)

Of course, by this point, anything bad happening to Sarah triggered the Papa Wolf in the group and before I could further explain what was going on, I had 5 fully weaponized men (fighter, paladin, wizard, cleric, rogue) kicking down the doors of the bullies home, intimidate the everloving crap out of them and demanding that they would apologize to Sarah, or else shit would really hit the fan.

After that, they went home to bake cookies and drink milk until it was bedtime for Sarah and the real adventure could begin. True story.

Yeah, we have some good times at the table ^^
Ranubis 28th Feb 2012, 2:44 PM edit delete reply
Oh great. Now I can't get the idea of the Five Fathers Adventuring party out of my head. Please pass on some other notable moments from this group.

With each of those characters, I can see some disagreements on how to raise the kid. The wizard want's to study with her for the next test, the rogue is planning to steal the answer sheet, fighter just wants to play ball with her...

Argh! Ok, please flesh out these characters some more. If I can get some more background on them, they are so turning into recurring characters in our campaign, with your permission of course.
Demonu 28th Feb 2012, 3:34 PM edit delete reply
Oh, there are quite a lot of memorable moments to be had with the group I'm currently playing and more of them will be shared if they can be related to further pages of this comic. Most of these moments come by due to the fact that the group finds story-telling, character interaction and character development to be more fun than rolling dice to attack. It's an unwritten rule that if you do anything in the game and you can roleplay/justify it enough (or it's balls to the wall awesome) we led it slide. This is the only reason why I was able to dethrone the DM and take over (see a couple of pages back)

Well, not to spoil everything at once (where is the fun in that?) but I can give a basic outline of each of the PC's and their personal quests. We have:
- a lawful good paladin who practically grew up in the order he belongs due to his father being the current head. A devout man, not so much because he deeply believes but because he doesn't know another lifestyle, he is adventuring to prove himself to his order so that he can take over his father's leadership by earning it instead of being the sond of "the boss".
- a good cleric who helps spread his belief by traveling around and help people in need. Or so he claims to do. He's actually exiled from his homeland due to clashing with the law (a case of "it's not the correct thing to do but it is the right thing to do) Pretty much the "mom" of the group as he does the cooking and shopping most of the time but as he frequently says: "I'll do anything if it brings a smile to someone's face."
- a fighter who started out neutral but can now be considered good. He wants to be the best fighter in the world and has no problem willing to prove it at every option. If there is an argument, he will oppose the paladin most of the time due to their different approaches to a problem. Travelling with the group and Sarah made him rethink his plans and is now considering opening a training school for anyone willing to pick up a weapon and manages not to piss their pants when he tried to teach them.
Demonu 28th Feb 2012, 3:59 PM edit delete reply
- a good aligned wizard who mostly took that alignment so that people would leave him alone. Prefers an evening of study over drinking in a pub and will always try to find a smart way to resolve an obstacle instead of just hitting it really hard. He wants to learn as much as he can because he's a firm believer of knowledge is power. Due to this, he has developed a habit of collecting books, trinkets, artifacts and the like. His dream is to open up his own magical academy and to teach a new generation of mages. Despite initial conflict with the fighter, he's now contemplating to create a joint school with him for mages and warriors alike.
- a chaotic good rogue who acted like Robin Hood for the first few games. He claims to have grown up on the street and certainly has the skills to show it but he's actually a member of an old aristocratic family who got murdered by a rival family. A very crafty figure with multiple layers of personality. On the surface, he's a happy-go-lucky thief with a heart of gold. Underneath that, he's out looking for revenge in wealth and blood. And underneath that, he aspires to graduate from Robin Hood to Godfather.
- a neutral warlock, who is my PC when I'm not the DM. He made a pact with the Fey in exchange for power but is now slowly turning mad from it. Pretty much joined the group out of boredom because when you're going insane, the mundane is rather boring. He certainly is mad but you probably couldn't tell at first glance (think Joker but without the murderous intent) Has such an insanely high charisma that he could probably punch someone in the face and convince them it was the wind.

Of course, each has their own different opinion on how to raise Sarah. The paladin is pretty much the "dad" as that wants her to lead a good life (go to school, get a good career, you know the drill) but isn't above scolding her when she did anything wrong. The wizard also wants her to study but, unlike the paladin who thinks more of her role in society, wants her to do some for her own reasons. The rogue just wants her to have fun and see how everything turns out but is probably who worries the most about her due to his own background. The fighter, being a bit old fashioned, (jokingly) tells her that good little girls stay at home and let the men do all the fighting but this is more because he wants to keep her safe as adventuring isn't the most stable of professions. The cleric wants her to lead her own life (eventually) and would support her whatever she plans to choose. The warlock (me) mostly plays around with her and thinks that she should be free to do whatever she wants, just like he is. There was only one time that my PC got angry at her and that was when she was thinking that she could be a warlock as well. Because making pacts with unnatural forces and suffering the consequences for it is a foolish thing to do if you can't even convince someone that you didn't eat a cookie before dinner (yeah, we sometimes roleplay dinner. And it's AWESOME)

Of course, a lot of fun can be had with the set-up of 5 guys having to take care of one girl. One player can't show up this week due to circumstances? Sarah wants to go to the big city for sightseeing and shopping and his PC in the game drew the short straw so he has to take Sarah. And we always expect a detailed report on their fun the next time. ^^
Hennith95 28th Feb 2012, 5:08 PM edit delete reply
This is the sweetest thing I've ever heard of an adventuring party doing.
Stairc 29th Feb 2012, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
I have an almost identical little girl story, though nowhere near as awesome.

I was running a DnD camp for Guardian Games in Portland Oregon and in the second session the party came across a fiendish haunted house which was animating undead from a cemetary and sending it to attack a village. The villain was the house itself, which could only be destroyed by shattering the enchanted eye in the basement (gotta love horror tropes). However, the house had kidnapped several villagers and was draining their lifeforce - each one giving it +1 AC while the villager was alive. With five villagers, this was a significant obstacle to overcome.

However, the party universally decided that the greater good was more important than five people and they needed to destroy the house fast - so they decided to kill the villagers. They reached this decision a little quickly, so on the spur of the moment - wanting to give them a more involving moral quandary - I told them,

"As you get closer, you recognize one of the villagers as Amy... A girl about seven years old. She's the daughter of the baker whose inn you stay at, and often sneaks sweets and pastries to you in exchange for you telling her about your adventures... Though this usually gets her in trouble with her father."

I made Amy up on the spot, they'd never met her before... But suddenly the party who had just unanimously agreed to kill the villagers did a COMPLETE 180. "We have to save Amy!" Became the new battlecry, and they followed it to such an extent that when the party cleric was reduced to 1 hitpoint in front of a giant zombie and he was complaining that his character was going to die in their second adventure... Well, I reminded him he still had a use of Healing Word left (new player) and his eyes lit up.

Cleric: "Oh, right! I'll use it on Amy!"

Me: "What?!"

Cleric: "She's hurt right?"

Me: "Well, yes, she's unconscious but--"

Cleric: "Great then, I can help her!"

It was amazing to watch and caught me by complete surprise.

Little girls ftw.
Bronymous 28th Feb 2012, 4:46 PM edit delete reply
See? Im not the only one who sees the tactical advantages of Children.
Colin 28th Feb 2012, 5:36 PM edit delete reply
Never underestimate the power of cute children.
darkwulf23 28th Feb 2012, 11:30 PM edit delete reply
Oh good, I wasn't the only one who saw the connection between Noh and Sarah.
Demonu 28th Feb 2012, 11:48 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, Noh is rather infamous around the net but nobody in my group knows that story.

But one major difference is that Sarah was turned into a major character and raising her turned into a subquest on its own (something about her bringing about the end of the world)
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 10:49 AM edit delete reply
@Demonu I swear, this is the bets thing ever. I don't have a lot of D&D-playing-friends, but I did relate it to everyone I did know.

If you need easy links for that purpose, ever, here you go:

Figured that since I was throwing these around anyway I might as well give you the chance to use them as well.
Karilyn 1st Mar 2012, 7:51 AM edit delete reply
Or for those of us who like singular giant walls of text...
Panoptes 28th Feb 2012, 8:38 AM edit delete reply
Last session our usual GM swapped out with one of the players who wanted to try GMing. This meant we ended up with a new GM who was still trying to figure out the system and an experienced player who knew exactly how to mess with GMs (our normal GM is the guy who introduced the rest of us to the system and pen 'n' paper RPGs in general).

The PCs, including our erstwhile GMs purposefully game-breaking sonnuvabitch, were captured and being taken in boats to the enemy camp somewhere in the middle of a swamp. Our regular GM's character was the one the baddies really wanted--the other PCs were just there to semi-protect him, semi-investigate the bad guys' base. As such, the rest of us have been manacled while he's completely unencumbered. So naturally he jumps off the boat and starts swimming away.

The bad guys do nothing to catch him. Their leader just yells something about how unfortunate his choice is and that he should really return to the boat. Despite the fact that I'm a relatively new player, I immediately recognize that there's no way he'll escape (otherwise I might have gone over the side, too), thinking there must be enemy soldiers around or something. It turns out that the baddies have been experimenting with chimeras and have set some of their nastier creations loose in the swamp. Despite several warnings from the enemy leader (and my character, even), as well as the usual ominous "there's something in the water" stuff, our usual GM just keeps trying to get away, obviously trying to break our new GMs story.

Fortunately, our new GM had planned for someone at least trying to escape, so he triggered his back-up plan--the mutilated, half-eaten corpse of a 300 pound harbour seal comes flying out of the water and lands near the escaping character. Obviously these chimeras were a bit beyond our fairly low-level combat skills at this point in the campaign, not to mention we weren't even armed at this point, so this was meant as a severe warning. Our usual GM ignores it and continues trying to swim away.

Our new GM actually had to resort to doing damage (a relatively superficial slash on the leg) to get this to stop. Afterwards, he said that the next step would have been to say "Okay, roll a constitution check," and declare that he had been eaten before the dice even stopped moving. "Oh, you rolled a critical success? The chimera chokes on you as it eats you, so it dies, too. Note the 'too'."

I guess he may have just been trying to test our new GM, but when that turns into a 20-minute BS session with all the other (much less experienced) players sitting around just saying "Dude, get back in the boat," I have to question his judgment.

Holy crap this is long.
Stairc 29th Feb 2012, 9:28 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, that's the sign of a terrible player. Maybe he's a good GM - but people who do that are the Pen and Paper equivalent of a troll. They get their giggles out of trying to ruin someone else's fun.

However, all players like to get creative and fine creative solutions to things (jumping off a boat isn't one of them) - so a good GM should often try to create a creative, epic solution to the problem as well as a normal solution. The players can feel awesome for finding the creative or epic solution and bypassing the normal one.

That's why players like bypassing several rooms in a Zelda dungeon by blowing up a cracked wall and finding a shortcut.

A DnD example - my players had gone to Purgatory (a soul-jail in the nine hells where most of the devils keep the souls they've captured over the millennium) to rescue one of the party who had been imprisoned there. I'd planned several 'normal' ways they could possibly get the soul back... Bargaining with the Devil who imprisoned him, sneaking in and stealing him back, making a deal with a greater power to demand his release... Etc.

However, I'd also included an Epic way to break the soul out if they could find it. And the players did.

"What's keeping these souls imprisoned?" Asked one of the players.

"An infernal seal located in the prison binds them in their cells." My NPC told them.

"Is there any way to break it?"

"No. It can only be shattered by a arch devil or greater demon."

My players' eyes lit up. It just so happened that the reason they were in this mess to begin with was that they had retrieved a sword with a Greater Demon trapped inside it.

The players decided to KILL themselves, so they could enter Purgatory as souls, (bringing the essence of their sword along) and find the seal... Then shatter it with their blade.

This released every... single... soul... in... Purgatory.

The tidal wave of escaped souls crashed over the cards and swept through the infernal city.

The players LOVED it.

And since I'd planned the option, they were able to feel creative (which they were) and complete this Epic deed *without breaking the adventure*.
Cameron 28th Feb 2012, 9:05 AM edit delete reply
Playing Dresden Files with a bunch of four friends, first game wuth new characters, and first time three of them had played anything, and the fourth had played the kiddie DnD that came out a few years back.

DF works on the fate counter system, and uses fudge dice.

I had written a big scripted encounter for them, that would reveal WHY one of them had been orphaned, and therefore move the plot forward a significant margin. Instead, the group's wizard makes a statement that the informant isn't human, and succeeds on his roll. This wasn't set too high, as the NPC was a fairy, and thus everything that was told to them would have been true. They wouldn't have had to do any extra work, and could literally have just had all the information they'd missed earlier in the session crammed down their throats. This information was actually essential to move forward, and I'd done everything but outright tell them they didn't know everything they needed to before they left the tavern, but they did it anyway.

At which point the wizard shouts "HE'S GOING TO KILL US! I set it on fire!". He casts his spell, gets maximum rolls on everything, and OHKO's the informant. The rest of the players high five and clap him.

So I decide to send THE CITIES CORRUPT POLICE FORCE after the group. They could bribe the officer to get out of trouble, and also get more information. Again, the wizard rolls, and succeeds. I tell the group that this police officer is indeed human, and has come because someone saw suspicious activity that was, in fact, unrelated to the group. All four discuss what they want to do, and they try to bribe the officer. They fail. Horrifically. They try flirting their way out, but none of them have any social skills, and fail this one too.

And so the werewolf player decides to rip her head off, and leave a note saying it was the local mafia. Incredibly, this NPC is also OHKOed, and they succeed in forging the note.

At this point, I have no idea what to do.

So I have a helicopter drop out the sky, shoot all four of them with drugged darts, and drag one off to the villain's lair, so the rest can stage a rescue whilst the one fights for his life. If they fail to do what the pilot shouted before he left, I will kill the wizard off. In the first game.

Railroader? Me?
Anvildude 1st Mar 2012, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
See, normally I believe that Railroading is something that can easily be avoided, and should be (avoided, that is), but in this case I think you're entirely justified. You gave them two situations where they were in no danger, and in both cases they decided to kill someone instead of anything else. You either need to do some serious railroading that's clearly a response to their actions, or take them each aside and have a heart-to-heart about what they want out of the campaign.
Steel Zephyr 28th Feb 2012, 9:20 AM edit delete reply
When I tried to get my brother into DnD, he pretty much chose the stupidest option at each turn.

Me: You pay for your beer and drink it. It's not great beer, but it's better than nothing.
Him: I stab the bartender
Me: ....
Him: I get Sneak Attack on this, right?
Me: (thinking quickly) Yes, but the bartender punches you for 2d8 damage.
Him: WHAT?!?!
Me: He's a level 17 monk.

So he wound up in jail, where I carefully laid out a plan for him to escape without needing to kill anyone.

Me: You wake up in a cell
Him: I use Escape Artist to squeeze through the lock
Me: O...kay. <rolls a Fortitude Save for him, he fails>. You fall unconscious.
Him: What? Why?
Me: Poisoned needle. You wake up a few hours later.
Him: I get the poison needle and keep it as a weapon.

After escaping the jail "stealthily" (there were no survivors), he decides to break out the other prisoner, only to sell his organs on the black market. In a town where you don't even get a range penalty shooting a shortbow from one end to the other. So I decided that the orc that he'd been selling organs from was a diplomat who was in the jail for safety reasons. And when a second diplomat came to see how the first was doing, the FIRST THING my brother does is sell organs.

He left town shortly thereafter.
Pastshelfdate 17th Sep 2013, 11:43 AM o_O at least the guards weren't puppies and kittens edit delete reply
I'm glad one GM I know requires all his players to have characters with some variety of good alignment. It keeps away some interesting people, but no one gets back-stabbed, no one does anything soul-hurting, and I've yet to see any significant intra-party conflict.

But he's your brother, and you have to take him as he is. I see you did try to hand him realistic consequences.
Digo 28th Feb 2012, 9:22 AM My Kingdom for Plexiglass edit delete reply
(I thought of a better one)
Okay, recent D&D game- the party had gotten evidence that two of their main villains had met up for the first time and are performing a business transaction at a specific maze-like dungeon. The PCs feared they'd form an alliance so they hurry over to stop them both.
One villain is a tech-savvy red dragon named Astraxia, the other a wizard named Skull.

The PCs explore the maze and find an observation room that connects to the room that Astraxia and Skull were using for their business transaction. The only thing separating the two rooms is a thick glass window.
The villains were not only surprised the PCs showed up, but surprised that they were both plagued by THE SAME ADVENTURING TEAM. :D

Astraxia gets nervous and decides to leave early without a monologue(tm), but Skull tries to explain that his intention to prove that the gods don't exist is not an evil one. The PCs respond with violence to the window. I had to think fast, so I ruled that the room was magically warded, making the glass incredibally strong. The party sorcerer had a ring with a Dispel Magic spell saved in it.
Oh, Apple-Sticks!

The sorcerer rolls a 20, I let the magic ward fall, and the party fighter takes a mace to the glass window. Skull calls his minions to stall the party and he runs.
To be fair, I didn't have Astraxia or Skull use any cheap escape tricks like D-Door or Teleport, but turns out the party split up and took too long picking directions so both villains escaped.


Despite losing both villains, the players did have fun chasing them out for a change, making them both vulnerable and running with their tails betweentheir legs. :)
Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi 28th Feb 2012, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
Was GMing a campaign in a home brew system. I had a town being looted by a group of opportunist war orphan thieves taking advantage of the entire region having devolved into a giant warzone. My players are coming in a for a resupply, so they catch the group in the act. It's near the end of the campaign, so the PCs are decked out enough that the thieves don't really stand a chance. The attack was more to reunite (for better or worse) the war orphan PC with his sister, who happened to get in with this wrong crowd. I figured I'd have her head his way and then he'd talk her down (or if he totally failed at that, end up having to subdue and possibly end up killing her). Well, the PC in question started unknowingly heading the opposite direction and one of his buddies got ended up encountering her. This buddy had no idea who she was and just fought her like a normal enemy. Okay, fine, once she gets hurt enough, I can have her surrender. Except the buddy gets one more turn before her and he could reduce her to 0 HP with an average attack. Okay, no big, I can fudge it to a knock out. Except he uses a special attack with a damage increase, crits AND rolls max damage. No real plausible way to fudge things now, so she gets shish-ka-bobbed. In the end, I made sure the brother PC did find her and it was a real downer moment compared to what I'd planned. Got a bit of party conflict out of it (although in hindsight, I'm not sure we played it up enough) and had a some influence on what the PC in question did after the war ended (he went around helping towns to prevent repeats of what he went through).
Quick Study 28th Feb 2012, 9:50 AM edit delete reply
At the end of this dungeon run the DM had it set up where the rogue in our party disappeared without us realizing and he stole the magic item we were sent to find. Well our paladin prayed to their deity for help and rolled a 100. She worded the pray in a way where the entire party was teleported to where the rogue was. When this happened a swear the DM's eye twitched, but to make matters worse I decided to do the unexpected and used a boat token to summon a swan boat upside down in the air, which landing on the rogue trapping him.
Violet 28th Feb 2012, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
YES! That is awesome! Can't trust the rogues at all.
MisterTeatime 20th Apr 2012, 10:39 PM edit delete reply
God I love those feather tokens. So ridiculous.

At one point I had a rogue who kept the tree token secured to one of his crossbow bolts. Never ended up using it, which was a shame- would have loved to see the look on the DM's face when a giant tree sprouted out of a baddie's chest.
Rentok 28th Feb 2012, 9:58 AM edit delete reply
Well, I'm usually a player and not a DM, but I do have one campaign that I'm running.

The entirety of what I had prepared for the first session basically read "The party starts in a small village named Klee" and since then I've been improvising, with an overarching theme and such setting itself up as we go along.

Now, one of my players has basically been making it his mission to make my life as hard as possible as a DM, and as frustrating as possible. What little prep I had done, a particular NPC who's development and growth was my entire motivation for running the campaign was treated... In a way that I will not describe, but that decidedly ruined my only plan.

This wasn't my only problem with the player, though. He basically had the intent of "ruin the DM's plans constantly". Which led to a lot of frustration on both our parts because he would fight against everything anyone wanted to do, and yet he kept getting frustrated and making larger problems because, since I had no plans, no matter how much he squirmed or tried to break them, I rolled with it for the most part.

Eventually, cue important (And powerful, though not overtly stated as such) NPC giving the party an overarching background quest that I plan on having branch out later somehow (no idea what I'm going to do with it, but something'll work together). The problem player starts arguing with the NPC. About every single thing. He tries to make ME look bad by pointing out "holes" in the NPCs story. They're not holes, they're bits of information that the NPC didn't state in his story because real people don't tell you their life story when asking for help.

He continues to argue, refusing to drop anything when asked and ordered by the party, and the NPC. What was supposed to be a discussion lasting 5 or 10 minutes ended up going for over an hour and a half. So the NPC baleful polymorphed him into a squirrel to shut him up. He relied on precision damage for his offense, and tried to stab the NPC to deal massive precision damage, before I pointed out that Baleful Polymorph gets rid of your gear and class features too, so he retracted his offense. I was going to change him back after the conversation finished.

It was getting late though, so we ended the session there, and decided to pick up the rest of the conversation next session. I awarded some experience to everyone for the combat encounter, and a little more for roleplaying well. The problem player received 100 roleplaying experience less as punishment for being so disruptive. He flipped out, quit the campaign, quit another campaign that he was in with our group in which I am only a player (and he had been a slight problem player in that one too, but not to the same extent) and I have not heard a word from him since.

I'm still not sure if this is a good thing or not, but it's had no real negative repercussions yet, and nobody else in the group seems to mind much.
Theo 28th Feb 2012, 10:05 AM edit delete reply
And as a bonus the party now has a pet squire.
Theo 28th Feb 2012, 10:06 AM edit delete reply
squirrel that is. Spell check is not my friend.
MirrorImage 28th Feb 2012, 6:44 PM edit delete reply
And that, my friend, is the kind of things you draw inspiration from.

If your players can ignore the fact that the player was Squirrelified as a result of being a jackass, have the Squirrel do something to become a Squire of some kind. Does the party have a Paladin? After a while, the squirrel should seek redemption via the Paladin's chosen deity.
Rentok 28th Feb 2012, 10:51 PM edit delete reply
I would, except it's just a garden variety squirrel now, and the owl-druid may have used the thing as a food source.

... Actually, I am pretty sure, thinking back, that the owl definitely ate him.

though I suppose owl pellets leave the bones, so I could give them a scroll of squirrel revival for use next time the owl... well...

Anyways, I'm not certain what happened to the squirrel or the player. But the campaign is going along quite nicely, especially considering I don't do any prep.
Isher 28th Feb 2012, 10:20 AM edit delete reply
All right, I suppose I have to share this. I was running a real long, hard campaign, supposed to go level 7-20. Everything was going smoothly, they found the 'hub' city where the ruler knew what the heck was going on, and presumably how to stop it. So, naturally, they listen to her and go stop the evil madman from completing his goals, right?
First thing that happens is I have the villain show up at the gate (He can't enter it because he's a Mohrg, and its warded) and start boasting and rambling at the PC's, because frankly he's insane. And from his babbling they glean that his truest desire is to live again, so he can once again 'feel the blood running over his skin.' So, the metagaming buggers decide to: GRANT HIS WISH. They cast a Ressurection spell on him, which, when used on a willing undead, restores them to the life they had before they were turned. So he thanks them, and uses his ring of telekinesis to pull a child out of the city and chop her in half, spraying him with her blood. He grins, and wanders off. I thought, why did they do that? To make him weaker. They said, "Now that he's just a human, he'll be much weaker!" So they chase him down, my formerly CR-22 boss villain now CR-16, and not only beat the crap out of him, trick him into accepting an Atonement spell. I'm flummoxed, and I ended up ruling that he dedicates his life to destroying the cult he led. 2/3s of the story was completely destroyed XD
Violet 28th Feb 2012, 10:24 AM edit delete reply
So I have only had my one DM who also happens to be one of my best guy friends. Well the campaign that I am in with him consist of our best friend and us. Yes it is small and completely messed up. The other players first action: Kill her. That her happened to be me. My character is a lawful neutral female, my friend's is a chaotic evil male. My response to safe myself: Seduce him. Yeah.... the DM looked at me like "WTF". After I rolled a 19, he had no clue what to do really so he made some one attack us..
Guest 28th Feb 2012, 6:43 PM edit delete reply
I don't recall anyone from my (larger) group being that mean to...any of the other players. You should point out that having a Chaotic Evil alignment does not mean you roleplay a chaotic stupid or evil stupid character. If the guy doesn't stop, use an excuse to ditch/maim/kill his character in the campaign based on the fact that defending yourself is a neutral action.

And if that doesn't work, have the DM intervene again, that kind of behavior is ridiculous in such a small group.
Pastshelfdate 17th Sep 2013, 9:41 PM A game should be fun for all edit delete reply
... Especially a game with only two PCs. Were I the GM, I'd call a time out and explain that such drastic action needs to be okay with the other player (though I don't think it would be). That other player sounds like someone who would ignore "the safe word." I couldn't and wouldn't game with someone like that.
Last Expellian 28th Feb 2012, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
My players have an amazing habit of making me have to improve a situation in it's entirety without deviating to much from my planned story.

One such event I had them running through the big Observatory/Research Center in their home/base city and they reached a floor devoid of enemies and found a Drow woman named Marie being interrogated by a pair of Angels. My plan was that they'd smash the doors open and start the encounter (because that is how they've acted thus far) but instead they pool their lengths of rope, lasso the woman, yank her out of the room and slam the doors shut, readying actions to fight the angels when they break the doors. Marie was *supposed* to be just another enemy for them to fight and now she has been a major NPC in the campaign for the last nine or ten levels of play.
McBehrer 28th Feb 2012, 11:30 AM edit delete reply
... Time to bring up the Battle For The Front Door again.

So, our 3.5 group (7 people, levels 5 and 6) start out on this adventure to explore (what I think was) the Temple of Elemental Evil.

It's more or less explicitly stated to be a stealth mission, but the first thing our druid does is kick the doors in. He then yells at the first thing he sees (one of the kobolds that are supposed to be allies) and try to kill it.

So, our DM responds by having him sound an alarm, summoning the entire first floor of the dungeon to fight us. All at once.

We ended up with 25 kobolds, 12 human soldiers, 8 troglodytes, and 3 different bosses (a troglodyte cleric, "Tiny" the Ogre, and a porcupine kitty with an archer mount).

After the party won the encounter (miraculously) 2 of us were dead, and the party decided to abandon the adventure all together.

So, our run of the Temple of Elemental Evil was probably the shortest one in the history of the game.
darkwulf23 29th Feb 2012, 9:22 AM edit delete reply
Jade Eye's 28th Feb 2012, 12:04 PM edit delete reply
The group I run games for out and out FORCES me to improvise.

The very first game I ran was a generic fantasy in D&D 3.5.
The party consisted of a Monk who wanted to be a wizard, a Rogue who was addicted to alcohol, a Swordsage who could NOT roll above a 15 to save his life, a narcoleptic(the player) playing a Wizard, a Cleric who refused to cast anything but damage spells, and a gnome Ninja.

This odd group ended up burning down half of the city and completely destroying the local prison. By befriending a fire elemental.
McBehrer 28th Feb 2012, 12:30 PM edit delete reply
... what, you have a thing against narcoleptics?
Dundee 28th Feb 2012, 6:55 PM edit delete reply
I think he was referring to the fact that the only sane person in the group would fall asleep on them during the game, so they'd either have to wait, skip him, or let one of the other players play his character.
Jade Eye's 28th Feb 2012, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
Well actually the only sane person on the team was the gnome, the wizard kept on using summon monster 1 to solve her problems.

But the anti-caster strategy of "throw the silenced, invisible ninja at them" never got old.
Rugsrat 28th Feb 2012, 12:19 PM edit delete reply
Honestly... I don't think I've had a game where most of it wasn't made up on the spot to keep the story going after my players decided to do completely off-the-wall stuff that somehow negates my whole plot. So, new plots happen often.

It'd be easier for me to list things that went according to plan actually.

Still, that's what makes it fun!
dzamie 28th Feb 2012, 1:41 PM edit delete reply
Direct quote from my DM:
"Okay, you're killing these guys faster than expected, so I'm just gonna double their health."
Urthdigger 29th Feb 2012, 1:02 AM edit delete reply
If I had a nickel for every time I've done that...
JR Klein 1st Mar 2012, 11:21 AM edit delete reply
I think that might have been me.
Trae 10th May 2012, 11:24 PM edit delete reply
This most certainly happens in a D&D game I'm in. Our very first boss would have died in two rounds if the DM didn't arbitrarily give him an extra 300hp in the middle of combat. Amusingly enough, he only survived a total of 5 rounds. :D
KFDirector 28th Feb 2012, 2:00 PM edit delete reply
I consider "having to make a quick, off-the-wall improvisation in response to something unexpected from the players" the basic job description of any DM who wants to run more than one session of a game.

As such, telling my OWN stories would take forever, and most of them would boil down to "they fought something they were supposed to talk to, and I needed stats in a hurry" or "they decided to talk to something they normally would fight, and I needed a personality in a hurry".

I've made more subtle changes in response to more complicated problems, but usually between sessions.

So instead, I'll give props to my GM in a Boondock Saints-themed GURPS game. In this case, the unexpected thing was the failure of two-thirds of the party in a high-speed chase with the police, culminating in a nearly-fatal crash. He quickly devised a new second half of the adventure, in which I, the one person not currently under police guard in a hospital, cooperated with our William Dafoe-esque FBI contact in a cunning plan to break them free. It ended in them being shuffled out the back dressed as nuns while I remotely broadcasted an angry paranoid multilingual rant from the loudspeakers attached to an apparent truck-bomb....

Last session, he had to deal with the fact that we, once we learned the location of the final operation of the campaign, chose instead of fast-forwarding to that confrontation to spend the rest of the session making careful and detailed preparations that would allow us a multi-angled attack. The part where this got hard for him is where I ran an elaborate scam on the building's private security and he had to improvise an entire corporate structure and office-politics-environment on the fly. Given that I had once worked in private security and he hasn't, he still did a pretty convincing job - and my character got what he needed out of the whole plot.
JR Klein 1st Mar 2012, 11:22 AM edit delete reply
That is awesome.
theguyindarkglasses 28th Feb 2012, 2:00 PM edit delete reply
i have SO many! can't... choose...

ok, i was mastering to a group of veterans and came with a quick idea of a dimensional fissure to a dark plane, lv1 adventure, all in land, suddnely one of the players decides he will be a sailor, so i made up a meeting between them in a touristic boat where he worked, then i gave one a magical ring he trew away, to make him use it, since it was a key, i made it re-appear in his pocket

next, they discovered the plot and said "nah, lets become merchants, we have a boat!" so when they got FINALLY to land i gave them a contract that went trough the forest where there was a poorly hid dungeon with treasure (this time they listened to me, and headed to the dungeon)

we ended the session there and never got to the fissure, sadly, and all i planned went unnoticed
SBM92 28th Feb 2012, 2:32 PM edit delete reply
two specific examples come to mind:

1. first ever game i was in was godlike. i was playing a healer, and we also had a tiger and a explosive sight guy. in the first five minutes, we were given a not-important npc called Cowlick, named because he had a cowlick. this weak-ass npc joined with us and some other soldiers in a push against the mid-campaign boss and his mooks. cowlick was mortally wounded in the battle. i instantly decided to heal him with my power. in the mist of battle. against a lightning-throwing talent. turns out that that event caused cowlick to realised he had demi-godlike powers, and became the new final boss. all because the GM was amazed that i tried to save an unimportant npc in the middle of a big battle

2.we were playing jadeclaw, run by a different guy in our group. standard escort mission, escort a kid to the capital, don't let him get killed. we reached city X, and the GM informed us that everyone was staring at us, and he also informed us that the kid had a highly recognizsable black ear. what does the leader of the group do? "Come one, come all and see BROKEN CLAW'S CIRUS OF DREAMS!" the GM's jaw just dropped as he made the roll to see if the people believed him. the townspeople botched and believed every word. we then proceeded to dye the kid black so that his ear wasn't special.

the GM spent the rest of the campaign crying

so yeah, my group always find ways to completely change the plot of a story
Brony Is Magic 28th Feb 2012, 2:34 PM edit delete reply
So... Whoever posts first gets to decide the topic of forum discussion? If so, could the next topic be insane party plans? Cause I have some.
Bronymous 28th Feb 2012, 4:50 PM edit delete reply
TECHNICALLY Newbie decides the topic of discussion in the original post, but most of the time someone has an idea for a topic, throws it out there, and everyone else just runs with it.

So if you want to tell the story, just tell it, not like anyone is going to yell at you for being off topic.
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 7:50 AM edit delete reply
It kind of used to be me (I caught multiple first posts in a row and figured I would do something good with that influence).

But I guess I accidentally pissed off Newbiespud when I went /completely/ off topic like 15 pages back. I do regret that.

But this IS a better method to generate stories, so I am not complaining.
Dragonflight 28th Feb 2012, 2:41 PM edit delete reply
Unexpected player actions. Where do I start? :)

My most head-shaking one was for the Calandia game I've had running. *WAY* back at the beginning, I built a neutral good female cleric of the local "True Neutral" religion. Coram, the god of neutrality, was a real jerk, in that he got his tremendous influence in the world by allowing *anyone* to cast spells in his name, regardless of their alignment. His take was that by doing this, everyone who called on him for power was actually reinforcing the strength of his religion, and this increased his power base. Which was why the "neutral good" cleric was actually neutral evil, and using a magic item Coram would also empower which hides the wearer's alignment.

This particular cleric was evil, worked for a Demon Lord who had to use an artifact to remain on the physical plane (the artifact essentially had no power as long as she was using it to stay in the physical plane, and acquiring it was a major game objective at one point.) The demon lord had sent the cleric to identify the party's weakest character, and seduce that person, with an eye to undermining that person's loyalty, or at least driving a wedge through party cohesion.

Instead, the elf girl (who had a closet weakness for romance novels,) crushed bigtime on the cleric, and made it her "chapter goal" to redeem the evil cleric. The player put so much effort into it that I eventually allowed it, at which point, the elf married her. (My take on same-sex relationships was that since the Elves were something akin to the old Irish stories of the Sidhe in my game world, and were very much the dictionary definition of "Fey" in general behavior, an elf girl marrying a human girl would attract absolutely no comment or attention in elven society. And the PC's were too important to Calandian society by that point for human society to point fingers.)
Sora 28th Feb 2012, 2:54 PM edit delete reply
I'm running a 3.5e campaign of DnD, and my players... well, they're SPECIAL. They've done quite a bit to throw me off, like polymorphing one of the druids into a cat and trowing him through a warehouse window instead of using the front door.

Just recently however, they've arived at their (first) big bad. I was doing a good job of giving them hell, with undead minions summoned and an anti-good alignment magic seal set up so the BB was safe. That is, safe until one of my druids looked at me and went "Hey, I've got a spell that heats up metal, can I cast that on his armor?" I allowed this, assuming that a bit of missing armor would be a good help, and a good idea. The battle went around another round relatively lacking in action and came back to the same druid. She had been sifting through her spell sheets, which is usually a bad sign for me. She started her turn off grining. "I've got a lightning spell I wanna cast on the bad guy, is that okay?" After checking to see if she still had spells of that level available, I allowed it, and she started collecting d6s around the table. When I asked what she was doing, she told me that the lightning bolts did 3d6/Lvl. It didn't take much for ke to realize she was going to one-shot the BB, with his lack of armor. So I did the only sensible thing.

I started rolling all my twenties for reflex saves. XD
Akouma 28th Feb 2012, 3:00 PM edit delete reply
This would be the part where I tell the story about the armor hidden in the monastery and the ghost paladin inhabiting it (which was created on the fly because one of my players was searching the room for traps and I figured giving him something would make him stop (which to be fair was correct)), but pretty much everyone's heard that story a zillion times.
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 7:53 AM edit delete reply
This is the fourth time, I think. Sorry man. It was and remains an amazing story of pure ingenuïty.

Stay classy.
Adam 28th Feb 2012, 3:06 PM Story edit delete reply
I have been reading this comic for awhile and I love every second of it. As for my story I run a Dresden Files RPG game incase anyone doesn't know it is FATE based. Anyway one of my player's characters was heading to the penthouse room in a hotel to meet his employer to receive payment for killing another one of the player's characters (whose death they faked). Upon entering the room he finds that his employer has in fact been killed by beheading. In that instant a SWAT team bursts into the room with their guns drawn and ready. I had expected him to either fight them or surrender. In either case I had plans for him to be abducted at the end of it and he would have had to be saved by the rest of the players or make a deal with a farie (who happened to be his future bride). At the point when I asked him what he would like to do he replied "I jump out the window." I had to point out that he was over 10 floors up and the fall would kill him and he still did it. At this point I had to completely change what both he and the rest of the group had to do because after all was said and done I didn't feel like his abductors would have expected him to jump out of the damn window of a building over 10 floors up.
Bronymous 28th Feb 2012, 5:05 PM edit delete reply
Oh my God the stories. Lol too much, bros.
And now for my contribution.

I've never been a DM, for various reasons, but I've gotten fairly adept at stopping them dead in their tracks.

In an old one-shot I played, we came across a town that dealing with a lycanthropy epidemic. The DM had quite obviously set it up that we were supposed to learn about the problem, investigate, and then go hunt down the source, and eliminate every werewolf in the city so the disease would no longer spread.

As the mayor tried to explain this to us, our wizard and I (a combat-heavy rogue), came up with a different plan. There was a full moon coming up that night, so we told the mayor to get a bunch of heavy chains, and to round up everyone in the city. After doing so, we explained our plan to the DM:

Wizard: Ok, now were going to chain everyone up, together, so that tehy can't escape.
DM:...And what does that do for you?
ME: Then we wait til the full moon, note who changes into werewolves, cut the others lose, and Mr. Lightning Hands over here shocks the chains, electrocuting all of them. Problem solved.
DM: The townspeople don't like that idea, and the mayor says no.
Me: I accuse the mayor of being a wolf and threaten to stab him if he doesn't comply. The threat extends to the rest of the townspeople. *roll* 20.
DM: The townspeople chain themselves up.
Me: Ok do it.
DM: I thought you were waiting til the Full Moon?!
Wizard: Yeah, promises. I shock them.
DM.... The entire town is dead....

Session ended pretty quick after that. DM mumbled something about not playing right, but I was too busy ransacking houses to hear.
Guest 28th Feb 2012, 6:55 PM edit delete reply
Lawful Greed, classic.
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 8:35 AM edit delete reply
Alright, you deserved it you handsome son of a bitch.
Cantdrawatall 28th Feb 2012, 5:36 PM edit delete reply
They were fighting a dragon that was quickly turning into a dracolich. It was an evil artifact doing this to it against its will, but they didn't know this. Shortly after I described how the arm holding this evil thingy was rotting and quickly turning skeletal, one of the PCs immediately declared he was going to save him by hacking off the arm, and the rest of the party followed to assist by flanking and etc. I was so moved by their concern for the dragon, I let them save him that way. Sometimes, PCs cease to be bloodthirsty for a moment and make you proud to be their DM.
Pastshelfdate 23rd Sep 2013, 5:57 PM Party thinking outside the stereotype box. :) edit delete reply
I'd be proud of them, too, for quick thinking, changing their minds, and actually looking for what's evil, instead of going after the big, generic target.
Brony Is Magic 28th Feb 2012, 5:44 PM edit delete reply
Okay. I was playing a tanking warforged, 3.5, and the campaign takes place in a really foggy area. So I come up with the *bright* idea (you'll get it in a sec) to go to the nearest town, buy a barrel and some steel mirrors, attach the mirrors to the inside of the barrel, put a rock in there, craft a harness so I can wear it, and have the cleric cast daylight on the rock. It now functions as a foglight/sunbeam spell. It kinda sucked the boss was a vampire.
Brony Is Magic 28th Feb 2012, 5:47 PM edit delete reply
THEN, in a 4e campaign, I was playing a Minotaur Barbarian, 7'5", and we had a >4' halfing rouge. We were working for the Lord Of Blades, and after attacking a House Cannith factory, I get the idea to ask the Lord of Blades for a harnessed platform so I could run around hacking into things while the rouge shuriken-sniped from my back.
Brony Is Magic 29th Feb 2012, 5:26 PM edit delete reply
Oh, yeah, in that same campaign, I couldn't find any good magic items to take, since we were each offered an artifact out of the Lord of Blade's stash. So, from the armoury of the robots with no need to eat, drink, or sleep I took a magical basket that produces enough food for 5-6 Medium creatures for 24 hours.
Brony Is Magic 29th Feb 2012, 5:39 PM edit delete reply
Ah, I remember a fourth one. I was playing a Goliath Barbarian (notice a pattern here?) and the BBG just opened a rift to the Far Realm. Nasty stuff. What's weird, though, is that my character was created by a similar rift. But that's a story for another day. Anyway, the thing opening the rift is an orrery. We have to shut it down, but there's a beholder fighting us. So I jump onto the orrery, swing around for momentum (it was going pretty fast), jump off, and grapple the beholder. It tries to shake me off, keeping it busy long enough for another party member to shoot the crystal thing in the middle of the orrery. Good times. We got a free castle.
HalfTangible 28th Feb 2012, 6:18 PM edit delete reply
Once, our DND group was almost entirely gone from a session except for my witch hunter, the party's druid, and the DM. So the DM decided to do a non-canon side adventure. The Druid and witch hunter went to a random town for what i assumed was some kind of side delivery-quest.

My first act when he was done describing where we were was to drop-kick the nearest gnome over a fence.

So the DM decided that - PLOT TWIST - the entire village was actually a group of moose-demons similar to one we'd seen in our normal campaign. They were designed to be solo monsters - at least four people banging on one of them. There were at least 4 of those things against the two of us.

We were laughing at the ridiculousness so hard...
Anthonox 28th Feb 2012, 7:29 PM edit delete reply
I summoned Pazuzu once. What resulted was the creepiest and best portrayal of a Demon Prince I have ever experienced. And I will never do it again.
Dfield 28th Feb 2012, 10:41 PM edit delete reply
NMM: ok, they have the elements now, try to be polite with them, you dont want a free ride to the moon again.

*death threat*

NMM: Manure.
The Rusty 28th Feb 2012, 11:26 PM edit delete reply
So, I'm running my Werewolf: the Apocalypse game. The characters are in the Abyss (which is a realm that is exactly what it sounds like) trying to free the energies of a lost holy place. From the get-go, they've been railroading themselves, and finally, I try to throw something in their tracks - blocking their path is a pit to nowhere, guarded by a spirit of night.

They decide to fight hte spirit, and jump in the hole.

For those uninitated in the lore of W:tA, the Abyss is basically this big, all-devouring cave / bottomless pit. Fallin in is most assuredly a BAD THING. A werewolf can lose their mind just LOOKING at the place.

So this group decide to dive in like it's a public pool or something.Now, realistically, this is the point where I SHOULD have gone "you fall, and keep falling, forever and ever and ever" and that's the end of the game. Buuuut, I would have felt bad.

So they fell for several minutes, suffered severe hallucinations, and ended up as crumpled, mangled heaps of meat and bone on the floor of a huge cavern containing an entire lost city. Luckily werewolves heal fast, and they continued on their merry way in a straight line forward.

In hindsight, if I had just let them fall into nothing forever, I probably would have enjoyed that game more in hte future. Oh well.
Brony Is Magic 29th Feb 2012, 5:43 PM edit delete reply
*BLOWS WHISTLE* Hey! No diving into the hellish realm of insanity when it's under infinite feet deep!
Last Expellian 28th Feb 2012, 11:37 PM edit delete reply
Oh! Just remembered another one. When my guys 13th Level they were infiltrating a Mindflayer science lab in some demon city, stealthing around every corner and feeling just to scared of running into any of the Mindflayers to really think things through.
The lavb was setup with different levels of research and when they reached the level for Temporal Travel research they debated over destroying or using the time machine there to go back and stop all the ruckus that led to the chaos above (basically my entire campaign).
In the end they decided to leave it be and move on.
The next floor they tripped some alarm by stealing a HUGE amount of research documents and began their escape... Only to run right into one of the Mindflayer Scientists and his pet Displacer Beast, both of which were many levels higher than them.
Their plan of action? Barbarian and Monk brace to hold the sucker back while the 3 mages hammer away at the consoles controlling the time portal. They scored several extremely high luck roles in a row and managed to turn the thing on and one by one they leapt through the portal with the Barbarian scoring a critical to destroy the console right before going through himself.

What threw me off is this: The way the party treated every single previous challenge was to rush in head on and kill everything in their way, and I had left clues they could have used to get past the Mindflayer and Displacer. I wasn't planning on time travel for another 5 levels or so and i had to improvise the next few sessions to get them back on track without derailing my entire narrative.
JR Klein 1st Mar 2012, 11:26 AM edit delete reply
You should have thrown them into a Bad Future ruled by the villains, Samurai Jack-style.
Jadestarwolf 29th Feb 2012, 12:12 AM edit delete reply
Sorry to bother you awesome folk, but I couldn't help but ask a bit of advice. I'm a new-ish DM and I'm having a hard time with getting my players motivated to go with my stories. One is greedy as can be, one is very heroic, and the last is smart-alek whom loves to test my reasoning abilities. Usually they end up fighting more than cooperating and my stories dont get much of a chance before we have to go home for the night.

Oh, and I really like how your comic is coming along. I had a lol-fest when I saw dnd+mlp.
Urthdigger 29th Feb 2012, 12:54 AM edit delete reply
Well, my first bit of advice is a harsh one: If all you wanna do is tell a story, then just tell them a story instead of playing D&D. The players WILL go off the rails, and things will need to be made up on the fly.

I found what works best for a new DM is to have very little overarching plot, or even none at all to begin with. You have your group of adventurers, make some random dungeons and give them an excuse to go there. They see a cave on their travels, a posting in the tavern offers a big reward for slaying a troll, that kind of thing. Just let them mindlessly dungeon crawl.

While they're dungeon crawling, you can make use of what I like to call Schrodinger's Plot. Until something is revealed to be significant or insignificant, all items in your campaign world are in a state of flux where they can be one or the other. What this means is, you can let the players decide what they do, and then later reveal that whatever they did was significant. This gives the players the illusion they are on some epic quest, when really all you're doing is making excuses the connect the dots. Feel free to use this fake plot as reasons for them to go to a dungeon, but be totally prepared for them to refuse, and note the refusal as something that may cause an event down the line. There is no forcing them to stay on the rails, players deliberately trying to take the campaign off the rails are no problem, and it's a lot easier than it sounds, especially since you can have the event turn out to be significant a great while down the line. All it takes is a little bookkeeping to record what the adventurers are doing, so you can use it later.

Anyway, follow this and you should have fairly little trouble. You have a greedy player, and a hero: Send them on some quests for glory that promise a large reward. The last player... sounds like a bit of a dick and you may need to kick him out of the game if his only reason for playing is to try and mess with the DM.
Jadestarwolf 1st Mar 2012, 6:17 PM edit delete reply
Lol thanks for the advice. I'm usually better at winging it than planning in advance anyway, but my hero gets angry when I don't have everything planned out, which may or not be the reason I get stuck so much. He's more experienced than I am and the unifying factor of our group. I really dont have the option of leaving anyone out though cause they're my only friends and it's either all of them, or no DnD at all. (Roleplay withdrawls)
Silka 29th Feb 2012, 12:47 AM Spiders! edit delete reply
Modern setting. My group - which was short because people couldn't make it, so it was two PCs plus an NPC, and one of the PCs was a pacifist - went under the bookstore to deal with a teeny tiny pest problem (yes, this's one of the prefab adventures that came with Urban Arcana), and were making mincemeat out of everything I was throwing at them. I admit it freely: I was feeling... cranky, and getting annoyed at how easily they were getting through my monsters. Then one of my players helpfully suggested that I boost the size class of the critters. I kinda went a little overboard; the last spider, the big mama of the nest, got boosted from Large to Colossal. They had to get clever or get stomped. XD
Iscelces 29th Feb 2012, 12:49 AM edit delete reply
I've got two stories of DM improv (both me as DM, and both the same session)

Firstly, there's the story of the bartender. I may have shared that story somewhere earlier, but I don't know. Either way, the bartender offered the dwarf fighter a quest to kill the other members of his soon-to-be party. Since they hadn't met each other, this was supposed to be a small bit of flavor to get the party together. Unfortunately, Mr Fighter liked this idea and pursued it. So, in order to stop a TPK before the first encounter even began, the bartender did what any sensible bartender would do. He had a heart attack. Quest off, the questgiver's dead.

The other time was later on, when they encountered a book, bolted to a table, that they could tell was magic. They had witnessed two demons summon a portal from it earlier, but they couldn't read the script. So the tiefling wanted to start ripping pages out of the book. Now, the book is a major plot device and is their only way out of Hell safely... so I scared them into technically being railroaded. The roof above the book started shaking like it was giving way, and so they abandoned the book to save their own hides.
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 8:47 AM edit delete reply
"the bartender did what any sensible bartender would do. He had a heart attack."

I love this kind of stuff.
Dfield 29th Feb 2012, 10:00 AM edit delete reply
That bartender lived like the greats.
Bronymous 29th Feb 2012, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
And went out like a winner.
GarionBoggod 29th Feb 2012, 1:11 AM edit delete reply
Give my players a job to protect a piece of art for a large reward, was basically trying to get the players to meet the owner of the mansion it was being delivered to. They decide to instead steal the statue. They hatched a big ocean's eleven style plan, which involved switching the target with a copy. I decided to make the pedestal that the statue was going to be placed on into an dimensional portal that was activated when something of the right shape was placed into it, and brought them into the spider lair that I was sending them to anyway.
Burke 29th Feb 2012, 1:36 AM Hardcore Looting edit delete reply
DMing a 3.5 campaign, using the Maure Castle module published in Dungeon. Most of the dungeon rooms are carved from the surrounding bedrock, but the party comes to one that's been walled and floored in five-foot slabs of polished black marble. One of my players instantly asks how much the marble is worth.

I call for a short break while I work out an answer (I find this works better than trying to give them a round number off the cuff, in the long run), and I hunch over with the Stronghold Builder's Guide, a google search for marble countertop pricing (for estimating relative value, weight, etc), and a calculator, and in the end it looks like exotic marble slabs are worth quite a lot, but they'd be prohibitively expensive to move out, requiring crews of masons to get them loose and haulers to get them out of the dungeon, all of whom would need to be protected. In short, a proposition too expensive to be worthwhile. Break over, I explain the situation (but not the conclusion) to the players, and they move on. Bullet dodged, I think, that would have been a ridiculous amount of money to give them.

Except that once the dungeon level was cleared, the party came back to that room and the cleric cast Animate Objects on the marble slabs, having them get themselves up and crawl into a portable hole.
MisterTeatime 20th Apr 2012, 10:54 PM edit delete reply
Damn. Clever cleric you've got there.
mrswb 29th Feb 2012, 3:31 AM POWER edit delete reply
I am the only tank and melee person in our group of six, so O have massive strength, one time we were in a dungeon and I tried to break through a wall, and rolled a crit, so he had to completely pull a room out of his nose to keep us from playing xbox.
montrith 29th Feb 2012, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
This is from a GURPS campaign on a loosely Arabian setting. All my PCs are idling around a marketplace keeping an eye out for weapons etc. They'd not really managed to stumble into the proper plot yet, so I arranged it so that they spotted a mysterious tent slightly separated from the rest of the stalls. Inside the tent they encounter a person who I basically just made up on the spot to spout some exposition. This person was just supposed to be a random plot-device was not meant to be important in any way.

So, of course, one of the players decides they want a more detailed description of this mysterious person. No problem, I just grab one of my stock NPC sheets which I always keep prepared for situations like this. Except I completely forget I had just used the same sheet for an NPC a while earlier. Understandably, my players are instantly suspicious of a person who looks like and has the same name as someone they just met, even more so since this person is basically telling them the exact opposite his doppelganger just did. So, when finally meeting the actually important NPC the first thing they do is to inquire about these two other NPC, which I had at this point almost forgotten. I blurt out the first explanation that comes to mind.

"They're cousins."

Que the whole party being immediately obsessed with these two completely unimportant NPCs, convinced that they are somehow behind everything, or that at least there's huge conspiracy somehow involving these two people. "The Double Akbars" ended up becoming a big part of the plot that I had to make up on the spot, because my PCs simply refused to believe they had nothing to do with the main quest. The town gained a whole new criminal underclass due this development.
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 9:48 AM edit delete reply
PC obsessions with random crap is possibly the best thing ever.
Dragonflight 29th Feb 2012, 10:47 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, but it also highlights a lesson I learned a long time ago: Document *everything*. If you don't record what you've done as GM, and make a decision that contradicts your previous decisions a few times too many, it can haunt you.

There was an old Battletech game I was running under Mekton 1 rules. It was set a thousand years in the future, and I'd taken the (at the time) developing relationship between Victor Steiner-Davion and Omi Kurita in the novels and expanded on it, creating the Steiner-Davion-Kurita dynasty and rebuilding the Star League into a golden age that, 1,000 years later, gave the PC's an epic galaxy to play in.

Anyway, I'd made a decision a game session or so ago, but hadn't documented it. So when I made another decision later on, which was based on the same situation, but totally a different decision, one of the players snatched up a model U.S.S. Enterprise sitting in a corner, and had it orbit my head while saying, in a Scotty voice, "Captain! It's one huge contradiction!"

I'll never live that one down, but it highlights the most important lesson I've ever taken away from gaming as a GM: Document everything!
Kaleopolitus 29th Feb 2012, 11:26 AM edit delete reply
If it were night, I would have woken my neighbours up after trying my hand at the scottish accent.

Good thing I don't DM, because I HATE writing things down. Writing in general, actually. With a pen, that is. Digital is fine.
terrycloth 29th Feb 2012, 11:39 AM edit delete reply
Player: I want to invent some new spells!

GM: Well, it says here that you need an enchanted laboratory worth thousands of dollars. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but the whole city was just anti-magic-nuked so the only one available is probably is that magic item factory the bad guys you decided to ignore are running. Maybe if you went back and --

Player: Well, what about the other cities?

GM: They were abandoned decades ago. You know that.

Player: They weren't anti-magic-nuked, though. Did any of them have magic labs before they were abandoned?

GM: ... so, let me get this straight. In order to invent a spell, you want to leave the last inhabited city, which is currently under seige and surrounded by a higher tech army, travel for several weeks across monster-infested wasteland, and search the ruins of an abandoned city for a magical lab?

Other Players: Sounds reasonable.

GM: Well... okay then.
Bronymous 29th Feb 2012, 4:42 PM edit delete reply
Railroading? No, we don't need a train that's what magic is for. Thanks for the offer though.
Guest 26th Jan 2013, 12:54 PM edit delete reply
That... Sounds scarily close to how the well-meaning disruptive player-groups can get :P
'Oh, a safe and easily defensible cave that is totally not going to be the start of some event? Nah, I think we'll press on a few more hours and just sleep in a Wizard Hut - it's got a fireplace and a bed, and we can't afford wasting time. Why did you just skip a chapter of your notes?'
Or simply 'Heirloom or not, it's just jewelry, and we don't have time right now. I hand the woman a bag of gold and tell her to buy new (more expensive) jewelry - her grandchildren will appreciate the upgrade.'
Scygnus 29th Feb 2012, 5:19 PM edit delete reply
We were running the Kingmaker AP from Pathfinder, but our DM had gotten creative with adding things, and that combined with us breaking bits of the plot by accident (including torching an early boss with like 28 Alchemist's Fires) so we were pretty far off the beaten path.

So, we've started building our country at this point, and one of our towns just goes black. My character being the Spymaster (and darn good at it) we found out that werewolves had captured and taken over the town. There were only a few dead, as most of them were bitten and waiting for the first full moon.

So we get our army together and go out there to give them what-for. The natural-born werewolf leader and our Queen step out to the middle of the battlefield to speak before the hostilities commence. The werewolf states their basic aims, what they did with the villagers, and such. His main note is that they want to survive, have a safe place to raise their children, and have mates available to get children.

So the Queen offers her own hand in marriage for a diplomatic alliance. They'll get their own place, the protection of the law, and they'll let the villagers go so we can have them cleansed.

The rest of the players and the DM were completely floored. It was hilarious in hindsight.

Well, he accepted. Then we had a bigger army.

It was a pity when the game crashed and died because the other players got bitchy about not understanding the results of things going on behind their backs. Mostly my fault, to which I responded "Wah wah wah. If you had your own ulterior motives, you wouldn't be whining about catching whiplash from mine."
Brony Is Magic 29th Feb 2012, 5:23 PM edit delete reply
As a player, I never quite knew how often DMs bullcr*pped their way through plots. I feel now like I haven't given them as much respect as I should have.
Urthdigger 29th Feb 2012, 9:40 PM edit delete reply
How to bullshit a plot is the first thing a DM learns. It's usually literally in the first session of a campaign where players do their most damage, in my experience. First session of one campaign I had, I had a thief that I was going to have the party chase to lead them into an NPC who would join them. Unfortunately they rolled very well and managed to capture the thief before he left the room, so I had to improvise... I still don't recall how I got them to go where I needed though.
Izandai 29th Feb 2012, 6:02 PM edit delete reply
The DM's smiling.

Person 29th Feb 2012, 6:04 PM edit delete reply
I'm not sure if this counts, but I had a session a long while back that had an unexpected thing happen...

Low level party, in the middle of a stinking Kobold dungeon (Wasn't kidding about low level) and no one was short enough to get through the bars on the gates that the Kobolds used to block us into a room. It did look like we were well and truly trapped, then the mage asked if there was a switch that they used to operate said gates. It was totally possible that there wasn't, the bars were spaced enough so the little guys could slip in between them.

GM said there was, but it was beyond our reach.

Mage gets a smirk. "Mage Hand." (Can move and manipulate objects at a reasonable distance.)

GM Stutters for a moment. "Okay..."
Sithking Zero 29th Feb 2012, 6:19 PM Oh, dear god edit delete reply
There was the time that one of our party members said that, due to a spelling error we just ran with, his dick was in fact a bag of holding that we could use to imprison a monster. The DM just stared at him before telling him the monster killed itself.
Kaleopolitus 1st Mar 2012, 1:50 AM edit delete reply
*Lifeless stare*
Vulpis 23rd Jul 2012, 11:48 AM edit delete reply
.....I have a morbid curiousity making me wonder just what kind of spelling error could lead to *that* result. I could see it *floating*, maybe (Tensor's Floating Disc typoed), but not sure how you could end with a bag of holding...
Twogunkid 29th Feb 2012, 6:53 PM Crowning Moments of Oops edit delete reply
The chaotic good rogue was stealing from a temple and proceded to set off a trap which killed her. The Paladin finds her and takes her to a healer after using lay on hands (-10=death rule) to bring her to minor health. The rogue roles for intiution to see if its a legitimate doctor and roles a one. Thinking he's a hack she attacks and murders the doctor in front of the paladin. Before the paladin can react she roles a diplomacy check and gets a 20. Now I have to deal with a rogue who decided to seduce the paladin to be her accomplice to murder.

Also when a DM sicks a party of Drow on a group of level ones and we only lived because of a saving throw to slam the door shut.
Stripes 29th Feb 2012, 6:57 PM Bumping the schedule edit delete reply
I ran a Changeling the Lost campaign with a friend of mine. We had a good scenario planned out where the team was trying to rescue a little girl kidnapped by one of the True Fae (for those not familiar with the system, think evil fairy queen).

We planted a nice little breadcrumb trail with the team following clues to help them figure out that the best time to find the girl would be in winter, when the Fae's palace came close to our world. But they decided "Why wait? Let's make a little Christmas get together and lure her here right now in the middle of Summer!"

They were so adamant about it and were talking about trying to commander a local ice-rink for the sake of the plan. Thankfully we already had the Fae's palace planned out, so all they did was force us to use a scenario that we hadn't planned to bring up for about six months.
Guest 29th Feb 2012, 9:44 PM edit delete reply
Let me tell you about fourth-dimensional murder.

See, we were playing Deadlands. In canon, the Deadlands setting has time travel. I used a time-traveling train as a plot device for fun, letting the players do things like run around WWI's trenches hunting zombies, to battling aboard a giant spaceship that was being haunted by ghosts. Fun times.

The spaceship had a rail-gun. My players are clever.

They knew the main villain had been born and died already- one cool thing about time travel plots is that the main villain had already won. They were dealing with aftermath, because he'd cast a spell to keep any time travelers from interfering with his space time continuum- they couldn't kill his mom and dad, stop him before he started, etc. It took the form of a giant shield shaped like a laughing face over the timestream portions he was protecting.

The crazy bastards rigged up the railgun and the train together, and FIRED THE TIME-TRAVELING TRAIN AT THE SHIELD. One player died to do it.

I promptly moved them to the final boss fight, claiming that shattering the shield gave them a single chance to fight. And since they were battling "beyond time", they fought on top of the broken train- and the player who died to run it got to participate in the final battle with no change in stats, since his "death" wouldn't take effect until the battle was over.

Wow. That was possibly the craziest game I've ever played.
Bronymous 29th Feb 2012, 9:48 PM edit delete reply
You had me at "Railgun".
Guest 29th Feb 2012, 9:53 PM edit delete reply
Weirdly, the guy who piloted the train said the same thing...
banjo2E 1st Mar 2012, 12:30 AM edit delete reply
...Time-traveling train?

The guy who built it didn't happen to build a time-traveling car before that, did he?
Vulpis 23rd Jul 2012, 11:56 AM edit delete reply
...or did it also contain a guy who was an expert in Super Kicks who ran around in insect-inspired armor along with his four lovable-but-goofy demon-turned-ally friends?
Derpmind 29th Feb 2012, 9:47 PM edit delete reply
I think this is the most comments a page has gotten so far. I might be completely wrong though, but this is still impressive.
Kaleopolitus 1st Mar 2012, 1:53 AM edit delete reply
Indeed. And I will be very sad to leave this page this afternoon (Europe yay!).

I am going to miss all these AMAZING stories, I really am.
Matticus 29th Feb 2012, 11:30 PM edit delete reply
I once ran an all-Jedi Star Wars game taking place in the middle of Episode III. The party had just survived the sacking of the Jedi Temple and were trying to make their getaway. They commandeered an airspeeder--only to realize that none of them had the Pilot skill. Take-off seemed out of the question, let alone the high-speed chase I had planned.

At this point, one of the players suggests that since they found an old R2 unit in the Temple that they could have the droid fly for them. I agreed, but made it so that the droid got his flight training at Star Tours. He passed all Pilot checks, but made sure that the players felt like they were riding the vomit comet.

Later, the party broke into a warehouse full of illicit goods in order to secure fake IDs to get off Coruscant. To my surprise, one of the Jedi wanted to take some of the goods and sell them ("To finance our escape!" he reasoned). Not wanting them to have anything expensive or illegal, I had him open a crate to find it full of Wookiee porn. He proceeded to check each crate. All Wookiee porn.

Of course they kept some.
Kaleopolitus 1st Mar 2012, 1:55 AM edit delete reply
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Matticus 1st Mar 2012, 3:32 PM edit delete reply
What? That crime syndicate just happened to traffic in oddly specific illicit goods. They obviously thought there was a lot of overlap between the market of people buying Wookiee porn and those that needed fake IDs. Makes sense if you think about it. /pokerface
Jomoru 2nd Mar 2012, 4:20 PM edit delete reply
I had a similar situation occur(Well not jedi but Star wars coming across illegal goods). It was Hutt instead of Wookie, the response was "Do We have sanity loss in this system? I think I just saw things man was not meant to see"
dbanksischillin 2nd Mar 2012, 2:12 PM edit delete reply
Good advice :when the dm smile here is what you do GTFO
Dragoon 7th Mar 2012, 3:14 PM edit delete reply
I do this all the effing time. I realized I can't predict what my players are going to do, so I just plan the campaign goals and wing the rest. Works surprisingly well.

The worst one, tough, was when the party was supposed to bust up a slaver trade in a port city. Halfway through the quest, one of them turns to me and says "Screw this, I'm leaving this town" he then picks up the world map and heads for the nearest town.

The party followed suit. Now they're wandering gladiators. It was a funny thing, though.
DCHorror 20th Mar 2012, 5:47 PM edit delete reply
A bard in one group I run decided to use a spell to throw a weapon at a dragon.

He missed the attack roll. But because of the set up of the fight(another party member had jumped on the dragon's back and there was a goblin clear on the other side of the room sniping the entire party) I had him roll the attack roll again, this time against the party member.

He missed.

I had him roll one more time, netting him a crit against the goblin.

The entire group thought the sequence was awesome.
Starmarke 29th Mar 2012, 8:39 PM edit delete reply
I once set my stupidly oversized party into a kobold cave. The evil warlock and the soulknife ran off into another chamber, leaving the rest of the party (who cannot see in the dark) to flounder without light (which i lament, was caused by them not having any torches or arcane spellcasters).
Anyway, they went into a room i designed to trap the party in, then have endless streams of minion kobolds attack them. The Evil warlock starts bluffing the kobolds. I had allowed it just cuz it was kinda funny seeing him yell "I AM YOUR GOD!" at the kobolds. Then he rolls nat 20.
My fix: One of the kobolds is revealed to speak in a british common accent, and effectively becomes an NPC companion.
The rest of the party was not too happy at the lack of fighting due to the warlocks bluff.
Chronologist 31st Mar 2012, 5:31 PM edit delete reply
So, the plan was pretty simple. The group finds a few pieces of an artifact, finds out that putting the pieces together will unleash Cthuhlu, and what do they do? Go to a bar and basically wait for the Big Bad to find them and murder them all.

Figuring out a way for at least ONE of the players to make it out of that encounter alive was pretty stressful. I mean, most of the characters dies horribly, the players HAD royally screwed up, but I didn't want the campaign to end that way. Luckily, I underestimated the ruthlessness of an Evil party, who pretty much just game their remaining pieces to the scapegoat player and pushed her over a cliff.
Sorain 10th May 2012, 12:09 AM edit delete reply
As a GM I was running Dark Heresy, The plan was for the planet spanning investigation to be centered off the ship they used to travel to each world, and eventually figure out the heart of the cult they were pursuing WAS the ship. Its tech priests being chaos worshipers. Unfortunately the clever setup of the very first adventure turned against the plan. The stated plan was for an overt agent to be stealthy accompanied by the pc's. Then one of them said, in front of the head magos of the ship, and leader of the cult "Oh, he's with us." this naturally called for him to question their cover stories, and realize that 'the ship is in transit, if they all die now, no one will be the wiser.' Naturally this entirely derailed the plan as the highly under leveled PC's engaged in a running battle through the reactor core of the ship and the vent shafts, eventually going to kill the navigator and thus stop the ship from coming out of the warp at their destination. They desperately timed it to kill him as the ship emerged, and through Rightus Fury, managed to kill the navigator and truncated the ship. The consequences of this were quite unpleasant for the sector, and I improvised an epilogue. Then I explained to the players what the plan had been, and what went wrong. To this day, they still refer to the player as 'Oh him? He's with us.'
Xander Cruize 24th May 2012, 10:33 PM edit delete reply
I have this one person in my group who is insanely good at guessing? How insane? Once, towards the start of the campaign A YEAR AGO, they encountered a fey (I think it was a pixie, don't quote me on that,) who, when referring to gold and silver, used the term 'shinies.'

So, a real-life year later, someone hires the group to help deal with a mad fairy queen. "I'll pay you many, uh..." and here, I flubbed. I couldn't remember gold and silver, so I defaulted to "shinies."

The player in question kept silent, until they met up with the fairy queen they were hired to kill. Then, this happened.

PC: "One of your sister's servants hired us to kill you."
Me: "WHAT?! How would you?! No! No, what?!"
Player: He used "shiny," like that pixie.
Me: "But..."
Player: "Was I right?"

And he ruined what was going to be three-session mystery. So, to improvise, I made it to where the Queen in question hired the group to kill herself, so that she could kill them instead. It didn't make much sense, but it ended a lot better.
Lady Chaomii 1st Jul 2012, 12:43 AM edit delete reply
Our Applejack player deciding to try to murder an NPC out of the blue. They were, in a sense, a villain, but they were in no way shape or form ever meant to be fought, let alone killed.

It was a real nightmare for me, since the death of this character would break the entire quest, or possibly the entire campaign. And yet to Applejack, letting this NPC live would go against everything she stood for.

Thank Celestia the PCs stood up to Applejack, telling her this wasn't right. Interestingly, the true feelings between Snowflake and Applejack became apparent in that encounter.
Sunbeam 26th Jul 2012, 8:56 PM My apologies, but my chest is weighted... edit delete reply
I realize this thread is supposed to die when the next update arrives, but I have to explain to you people what fell horrors you have wrought upon me.
...sorry, it's late, I get hyper-dramatic when I'm tired.
In any case, I'm DM'ing my first campaign in about a month, when school starts up. The basic beginning of the campaign is that the PCs damage a sorcerer who's trying to summon the big bad, interrupting the ritual, shattering Yggdrasil, and bringing about the apocalypse. Now you people have me scared to death that they're going to ignore the little leprechaun that should lead them to Yggdrasil and go explore the living world...which I never planned out, because they're supposed to destroy it in the first half-hour. contingency planning, contingency's gonna be a long night...
Jadevamp 27th Jul 2012, 4:45 PM edit delete reply
This was the Pokemon Tabletop RPG I was GMing. Now, we had a guy who had never played Pokemon before. This was the first city they were in and I was introducing one of the team leaders-- specifically, attempting to recruit people to his team in order to fight against the "Tyrannical Draconic Priests" (The primary religion of my region.) The party's main skeptic (and the aformentioned player) challenged him because he got "tired of his big talk". I was... unprepared. So, I had to throw together a battle. He had a Torkoal. The other guys (who they knew was an Ice-type trainer) sent out a WALREIN. Needless to say-- the player's pokemon nearly died. However, the good bit that came out of it was that the players saw that the villain was sympathetic-- he paid for the Torkoal's pokemon center treatment.
Valron 10th Oct 2012, 3:01 AM edit delete reply
One particular player in our L5R game has done this to our GM several times, usually due to his insanely high rolls. He was possessed at one point and learned a great deal of dark magic while possessed, but repressed the memories when he was freed. He rolled to remember some of it. He remembered ALL of it, so the GM gave him the Enlightened Madness disadvantage, that meant his character was literally driven insane by the knowledge and attempting to access it could give the GM control over his character for several in game hours.

Another time he asked a wind spirit to create a spell for him, which is a game mechanic, and he rolled so high he summoned one of the most powerful trickster wind spirits in the world. The resulting bow & arrow spell was so powerful it created a 3 wave explosion of hurricane force winds that reduced the boat they were in (which we were borrowing!) to a very large piece of driftwood and blew them several miles away. The GM had him roll a die to determine where they would land, and he rolled a 7, which was the ONE number that would land them at their destination, so the story was only slightly delayed.

And the grand finale: His and another player's characters, due to a strange turn of events, have access to extremely powerful holy fire magic, which they have trouble controlling. In a recent game, we were attacked by a group of literal shadow ninja in the inn we were staying at. He uses up most of his fire spells on the first wave of ninjas, thinking that was all of them, including one massively powerful roll he wasted on a high level illusion of the ninja leader. Said leader then casts a spell that makes shadow copies of each of the players (ala Darklink), and then proceeding to GTFO. This player, now quite annoyed at using all of his fire spells, and really annoyed at wasting that crazy high one, casts his last fire spell for the day as a big AoE explosion intended to maim the shadows at the onset of the fight. He rolls insanely high on his casting and damage, so he completely loses control of the spell. All of the other players then see his character basically go "oh shi-" in the middle of casting a fire spell, so we all get to roll our various skills to get the hell away. We all make our rolls without question, resulting in some funny/badass moments, such as the captain of our ship, who is know for his crazy stunts, launching past me charging away on my horse and my character simply nodding "Captain" as the flew past and skipped three times across the water of the near by dock. Needless to say, the inn was destroyed, and the shadow copies with it. And in the rubble right where his character was standing? An extremely detained scorch mark of a Phoenix. Yep, he was reborn by the flames and woke up in a cave. We have yet to meet up with his character, but it has only been 1 game since he exploded.

So yeah, our GM can think on his feet.
witty name goes here 2nd Nov 2012, 7:31 PM edit delete reply
ah, l5r. I've had so many good times with that RPG. GM abuse is so fun.
Aeron Nancet 7th Nov 2012, 8:23 PM edit delete reply
I recall coming up with something I call Gnomish Spice while I was playing a CN Gnome Cleric of Olidamara where I had created a table of what happens to a non-gnome character when it is ingested. To gnomes it only makes food tastier, but to everything else it can have a variety of effects from making them constantly stub their toe for 1d4 hours, immediately insulting the most important person in the vicinity, or turning them into a chicken, to gaining a vision from their deity of the location of a magic item, being able to shoot two Scorching Rays from their eyes simultaneously as a free action once per hour for 1d4 hours, or a +8 all stats increase for 1 d6 hours.

This same spice suddenly showed up in one of my campaigns, so I hastily had to come up with a price to sell it at, find the table I'd made to look up the effects, and deal with the consequences of combat when one of the players had his rogue dancing uncontrollably for four hours.
Carvin 12th Jan 2013, 9:34 PM edit delete reply
I once had to make a level 4 fighter, sorcerer and cleric that I had not plan to make in... 4 minutes. It worked flawlessly. If I had been asked to prepare it ahead of time, it have taken me longer than the session.
Flashpoint 24th Jan 2013, 12:53 PM edit delete reply
I don't actually play the game (too much prep time, I get bored) but I do sit in on some of my roommates sessions, and they are usually pretty hilarious. During one sit in, the party was being led through an extremely fancy palace. Their escort led them past a set of silver plated doors with no lock, and had a sign that said WARNING! NO ENTRY ALLOWED!

The new player noticed that this door was different from all the other plain wood doors and asked the escort "What's in there?" to which the escort replied "The treasure room, where our lord keeps everything of value to him, down to the very last copper coin."

Another PC thought about that and came to the question "So why is it unlocked, open, and only guarded by a sign? You think natural good will is going to keep thieves out?" The escort paused and looked back at him with a smirk "The treasure's guardian lies within the room itself. Though theives may get inside, they'll have a hard time getting out with anything."

The new guys PC decided to go inside the treasure room to see what all was in their. The DM decided to allow this, and he entered without anyone or anything trying to stop him. The 'guardian' that was mentioned was a 30 foot crystal statue with 100 arms, each weilding a weapon from simple swords and hammers, magical staves and rods, and even special cannons and makeshift firearms. The statue didn't move except for its eyes to follow the PC.

So the player decides to do the absolute most monumentally stupid thing he possibly could have: He takes some of the coins from a pile near the statue. When he does, the statue stands and faces him and orders him to stay where he is, and if he tries to move without returning what he stole, he would suffer the consequences. The player ignored the warning and wants to keep taking more treasure. The DM looks at him and says "You know if you keep this up, you are going to die, like no joke, nothing can help you. This thing is way over your head and nothing you can do right now will even scratch it." The player simply says "Yeah, I know. I wanna keep taking the treasure."

The DM simply cups his hands and holds them near the guy on his other side and says "Gimme some d20's" He gets about 5 of them.

"No, I need more d20's"

He gets about 10-15 now

"I need more d20's!"

The guy hands him his bag of dice, with the label 'd20s', and its about half full.

"I NEED MORE D20s!!!"

We end up getting every single d20 we had in the house, enough to almost fill a plastic shopping bag from WalMart (and that was just the roll to hit). He then dumps the whole thing on the floor, and actually went through about 30 minutes of calculating all the damage. It ended with the DM looking at the player and describing that he essentially exploded into a pink and red mist. The new guy thinks about it for a second and asks "Does that mean I'm dead?"

And he has yet to play a game at my house again.

Norakos 7th Mar 2013, 1:43 PM edit delete reply
I was running a Pathfinder game for a bunch of newbies and one decided she wanted be a chaotic evil sorceress. Their patron, a high level cleric/something from another game I was in, tasked them with getting a Macguffin. Anyway, the sorceress was convinced that the cleric was lying and used sense motive EVERY TIME HE TALKED!! It was driving me crazy, since I had intended for him to not do anything evil, but she nat 20'ed a roll and I didn't want it to go to waste so I had him flip sh*t and attack her. Long story short they managed to incap him but the look on their faces was priceless. I later brushed it off as a powerful possession.
ShadowStar 16th Mar 2013, 1:00 PM edit delete reply

The Task: Enter the tower of an evil wizzard and stop his magical machine-thingy from unleashing an army of lesser demons.

Expected: party sneaks in, kills the wizard and the small groups of demons he's already got, and break the machine or disable the main spell at its' core.

What happens: the group iprovise a gaint slingshot using a tree, and fires a crystaline explosve (magic hand grenade) though the tower window. They meant it to weaken the enemy forces and maybe damage the machine or hurt the evil wizzard. By sheer luck and improbale aiming skills, it lands in the stoage room- right next to the lantern and fuel oil. BOOM. Total kills: everything but the players. At least they also blew up most of the loot.
Spiritus Arcane 24th Apr 2013, 6:27 PM edit delete reply
Yeah this one happened recently. The setting was Star Wars Saga Edition, and the party had entered what was supposed to be the hardest encounter of the current mission against an Imperial Inquisitor, his apprentice, and a bunch of elite mooks. Also, the room they were in was populated by some bottomless pits.

However, FIRST round, one of the Jedi characters nat 20s a use the force check for using move object against the apprentice...demolishing any relevant defenses that could of saved her...and drops her into one of the pits.

So yeah, the entire encounter goes one sided in favor of the PCs from there, and I actually had to have the boss retreat to the final encounter stage early, just to keep him from being gang rushed by the party.
Jaysteeny 3rd Jun 2013, 12:03 AM edit delete reply
Well, there was this one time, because me and my mates didn't know how to play and couldn't be stuffed reading the rulebooks, we just made s*** up as we went.
When we almost saved the clefairy from the goblins he randomly decided to turn a wolf into some random dragon or something. As I said, the whole thing was out of left field, so this was about the most predictable thing the whole game. (Except maybe the Fabulous elf killing the Trollish elf)
atinylittlemuon 25th Jun 2013, 2:28 PM edit delete reply
... my entire campaign.
KaijinZero 31st Jul 2013, 8:39 AM edit delete reply
there was this one time at this convention, i was a rouge type character in a Dot.Hack RP, and pretty muchly everything i touched died(7 hit special attack with a failry good roll on my MP rocks), so the DM threw a dragon at us.

a level 15 dragon against a lv 2 a\party. long story short, i ran to grab some chests that turned out to have two mimics among them, and our tank got a baby dragon for a pet.
LifeShouldBeAMusical 17th Aug 2013, 11:40 AM edit delete reply
Last year, the DM of my college group had a tendency to plan out everything that would happen - she wouldn't outright railroad us, but she was pretty good at figuring out what would most likely happen, and plan the campaign accordingly.
Then our (Half-Orc) Paladin made a DC 34 Diplomacy check. At fourth level.
I've yet to see a better DM BSOD. To her credit, once she recovered she improvised the rest of the session admirably well. And even developed a liking for improvisation, which made the rest of the year's sessions a lot more fun.
Ojamaboy 29th Sep 2013, 3:58 PM edit delete reply
I you guys make me want to learn D&D O.o
Maklak 12th Dec 2013, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
I've run into some similar stories in DM of The rings comments. One of them is about players getting their hands on some horses and deciding to take a detour to sell them. It even involved using spider climb to save the horsies.

Another story was about players finding tonnes of copper coins, deep inside some dungeon in a remote and hardly accessible location. They were low leval and didn't have a portable hole. They later sold a map and "mining rights" to someone in the next town.

My own story of plot derailment is really about having an incompetent GM. He was so bad at making and running the world, that I had to help him and in the process we were upgraded from a roaming band of beggars to respected and moderately rich citizens of a town. It was in a post-apocalyptic setting (similar to Fallout Equestria), so this made a lot of a difference. So naturally to keep things interesting our town got sieged by some slavers or somesusch. We persuaded the sheriff (NPC) to hire mercenaries to bolster our defences, but they were almost more trouble than they were worth.

My character was a handy pony unicorn mechanic. My friend's character was a unicorn alchemist (with bad reputation for whoring and being violent; she later seduced my assistant). Anyway, during our earlier visit to savage Earth Ponies in Everfree Forest (resulting in a trading pact which gave us more trade and food in exchange for some metal tools and weapons), she collected some poison joke or a variant of it.

So the solution to the siege was to make a bomb out of the poison joke, have one of our NPC pegasai drop it (we kept them very busy during the fight, but they won air superiority) in the middle of the bandit camp, then attack them while they were confused. We won, but some of the mercs run in to steal the loot, got polymorphed and it almost resulted in a riot; we had to pay them more as a result of their own stupidity (we used a hazmat pony for cleanup and clearly told them not to run into any blue dust.)

The mercenary problem was solved when the Brotherhood of Steel (Steel Rangers, whatever) listened to our radio transmission about the victory and decided to come in a big truck and drag away some recruits. Surprisingly, neither my, nor my friend's characters were included. Apparently they didn't need any scribes, just soldiers for a war with a changeling hive in Canterlot or something.

I was away for a few months after that, our GM disappeared and the group dispersed, but it was weird. I did half the GMing, my character was doing most things by declaring what he intends to do or convincing NPCs to do it (he only had maybe 1 minion, but was influential enough to persuade guards or less well-off citizens to do what he wanted). He also had very high crafting rolls due to me exploiting the game system a tad. Plus some of our players were pegasai, never really joined the group and instead had adventures of their own around the same area, which somewhat overlapped with what we did. It was weird, but I still miss it.
hysvear 19th Dec 2013, 5:32 PM edit delete reply
i don't remember the exact details, but a long, LONG time ago i was playing a rather rough and easy-going 3.5e campaign, where we'd finally tracked down the current big bad to his menacing tower of Doom.

The villain in question was a rather powerful vampire, housed in the very top of floor of his minion and trap-laden tower. The DM's plan was to have us spend time and effort fighting our way up before the climactic battle...

But no.

One of my crazy/resourceful friends decided he had a better idea, and using a combination of skills, spells and his Druid's shapeshifting abilities, spider-climbed the side of the tower, air-walked some 50ft /away/ from the tower, shifted into a /rhinoceros/ and charged the tower.

A few helpful dice-rolls later, my friend had smashed right into the vampire's room, shoved the poor bugger's coffin out said hole, dropping him some hundred feet down to smash painfully open and exposing the battered body to the bright light of the midday sun.

Suffice to say the poor DM was rather verbose in his displeasure. :3
Reb 20th Feb 2015, 12:15 AM edit delete reply
I wasn't the DM, my brother was. But we were in this town, trying to find some guy and are led to an alleyway with a door in a wall covered in vines. The party proceeded to force open the door and go into a small dungeon that ended up taking up our time for a couple hours, complete with a puzzle and some loot.

Turns out we were supposed to just climb the vines and the guy was on the roof; our DM hadn't planned anything inside the building and had to improvise the entire thing.