Page 885 - Ick "R" Us

23rd Mar 2017, 6:00 AM in Sonic Rainboom
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Ick "R" Us
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Newbiespud 23rd Mar 2017, 6:00 AM edit delete
"Relatively more sane" is a phrase I hear often in RPG party planning discussions.

Notice: Guest comic submissions are open! Guidelines here. Deadline: January 27th, 2023.



Lyman 23rd Mar 2017, 6:19 AM edit delete reply
As a DM, there are few things I take more joy from than a group that goes for the less sane, more dangerous plan.

Story Time for today: Players going for a blatantly less sane and more dangerous plan when an objectively more effective, safer, simpler alternative is available.
CrowMagnon 23rd Mar 2017, 6:31 AM edit delete reply
In order to kill a spawn of Shub-Niggurath, summoned as the end boss of an underwater temple, instead of using the alien mist projector we'd picked up to freeze it to death like we were supposed to, my character opted to rig the alien technology around us to blow up, which led to a fantastic sequence of all of us trying to outrun both the spawn and the flood waters that came rushing in as we scrambled back to the exit.
Arix 23rd Mar 2017, 6:44 AM edit delete reply
The situation: A tribe of Kua-Toa are performing some sort of ritual in the name of their god around an underground pool. We need to pass by, preferably without engaging.

The smart move: Just sneak around. Possibly a Pass Without Trace spell.

What we decided to do: Cast Shape Water to make the pool form a large face, then cast Thaumaturgy to make a voice boom out, claim to be their god and command them all to sacrifice themselves.
Digo Dragon 23rd Mar 2017, 7:14 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Going for the 'less sane' plan is something that pretty much happened in every-single-sabotage-mission from my prior Shadowrun group. I always had to bring a crash helmet to those runs because oh boy when the party is given free reign to break something, they will break so hard that the concept of the target existing gets damaged.

Like this one mission where the team was hired to capture the right hand of a mafia boss to sabotage a planned bank heist. The team would get something like 20,000 nuyen if taken alive, or 7,000 nuyen if taken dead.

The mission ended with the party collecting 250. That how little of a body was left!! O_O
Dragonflight 23rd Mar 2017, 9:55 AM edit delete reply
My favorite schtick when GM'ing is that I'll frequently offer the "shortest path to victory" option which is of course the sanest option. Sometimes, with a certain percentage of "acceptable collateral losses," if carried out. As I've said to the players several times, it's not my job to create the best option for them. But the path I present proves that there is *always* a solution. If they don't like what I'm offering, they can of course feel free to come up with their own.

Then I just sit back and enjoy the carnage...
Delicious Taffy 23rd Mar 2017, 12:53 PM edit delete reply
Delicious Taffy
I threw an Ancient Silver Dragon at my party, and the resident kobold decided to dig a tunnel away from him. By hand. While the non-hostile Dragon was watching. Surprisingly, he didn't get very far before the rest of the party decided to drag him back.
Akouma 23rd Mar 2017, 1:27 PM edit delete reply
So my Genius game again. The players are dealing with a Clockstopper, which is a person who can basically make all their inventions worthless, and at high levels (like the one they were fighting) just negate even mundane technology. "Technology" in this case includes basically any object being used to perform a function that it doesn't just naturally do. Armor around him fails to protect, bullets bounce off him, a lead pipe to the head hurts about as much as a stiff breeze. So one of my players goes "okay, I'm going to get the highest powered sniper rifle I can find, perch on a rooftop across from his living space, and blow him away from outside his technology-nullifying radius." I tell him the best he can find is a gun that gives him +20 on firearms checks, rolls d20s instead of d10s, and still is a success on an 8 or higher like a d10 would be. It is a gun so ridiculous that if he was using it in a serious situation the universe would buckle under the weight of this thing, basically.

So naturally the bullet bounces off because it's still processed metal and gunpowder ballistics and he still nullifies technology in his radius even if it moves very fast towards him. So then the player who failed this tries to hire a hitman to kill the guy for him, under strict orders to use nothing but his bare fists in the attempt. The hitman never comes back. So then he tries to lay a net trap outside one of this guy's usual foraging spots (turns out nullifying technology includes processed food), which naturally fails because even a basic net is STILL technology. So then he just grabs a thick tree branch and assaults the guy with it, but he makes the mistake of carving a grip in one side, so now THAT'S technology. (If it sounds like I was being a very draconian GM, that's because the book explicitly says this stuff all counts.) So eventually they just say "f*** it" and ask a local Mage for a favor. They lure the guy out to a building slated for demolition, and then have the Mage just burn the building to a cinder. Because funny thing about magic is that it's not technology and a Mage can bring his biggest guns to bear against this guy. The whole escapade read like an episode of Looney Tunes with a dash of arson.
Rinnaul 23rd Mar 2017, 7:25 PM edit delete reply
"The whole escapade read like an episode of Looney Tunes with a dash of arson."

I'm commenting just to say that, though it was for a different game, this is still perhaps the best summary of Shadowrun I've ever seen, and I need to steal it now.
Rinnaul 23rd Mar 2017, 7:25 PM edit delete reply
"The whole escapade read like an episode of Looney Tunes with a dash of arson."

I'm commenting just to say that, though it was for a different game, this is still perhaps the best summary of Shadowrun I've ever seen, and I need to steal it now.
Robin Bobcat 23rd Mar 2017, 2:36 PM edit delete reply
Ugh... 'Blatantly less sane' is an adequate descriptor of *all* of the plans one person I used to play with.

He kept coming up with 'clever ideas' which he was absolutely certain would grant him great power over the situation​. His schemes were absolutely stupid in every regard. And because he didn't want anyone ruining his plans (by bringing up how insanely stupid they were) he wouldn't tell us anlbout them, just suddenly do them.

Attacked by rabid giant rats? Okay, he decides that now is the time to try and tame one of these pony (real world) sized beasts and use it as a mount! Despite no skills related to animals. But that's okay, he has a plan! Hos belt is made of multiple strands of fishing line!... Which gives a bonus, right? ... After the fight and his *great" disappointment we didn't even 'give him a chance' before killing it, he decides the next logical step is to immediately butcher and eat the rats. Rabid rodent sashimi.

We were an hour's walk from town, everyone including himself was carrying food and water, and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. But he was convinced that the DM would start putting out skill penalties if he let his character get hungry! Despite the DM never really bothering to track that. Ever.

Yeah... I honestly think he's autistic spectrum.
Mandolin 23rd Mar 2017, 5:28 PM edit delete reply
Party is traveling through an ancient elven forest. Party encounters a bunch of trolls. Nobody speaks troll but the monk, who acts as translator while the mage who is USUALLY the brains of our party, negotiates.

Basically the trolls were demanding one gold coin. The mage wanted them to answer a question as well. The troll: "Two gold coins."

The mage decided to attack and that was it for negotiations.

At the end of the fight, we had managed to do 1207 points of damage to the trolls in a round with a combo of Reverse Gravity and Thunderwave and slammed them into the ground so hard they went several feet under and the foliage was smoking. Huge boom, the earth shook, the trolls were probably liquified partially in the ground.

We were in an ancient elven forest, mind you.

My Druid freaked out, cast Sleet Storm to put the fire out, Plant Growth to cover the trolls up, then Pass Without Trace and said, "WE'RE LEAVING NOW."

We booked it from the scene of the crime without further ado.

After he stopped laughing hysterically, the DM looked at our mage and said, "Really? You pulverized those trolls over two gold coins? What's your alignment again?"

The mage blinked. "He just wanted two gold coins?"

Apparently even though the rest of us clearly heard the monk translate two gold coins he somehow thought they were going to keep extorting us for more.

So because of a misunderstanding and a player not hearing things correctly, our group chose to fight a bunch of trolls, set an ancient elven forest on fire and potentially piss off the natives when we could have just paid two gold coins and gotten some additional intel. We weren't exactly hurting for money either!

Man, we were lucky when the ambassadors came around scouting for the source of the big boom and we all passed our bluff checks.

I swear our party is the party of "hold my beer."
WuseMajor 23rd Mar 2017, 8:53 PM edit delete reply
I have a good one for this that just happened in my game. We're playing Exalted, and the PCs are all Solar Exalted, which basically makes them awesome heroes in the Wuxia/Greco-Roman demigod mode. They also have battle auras that light up when they spend lots of magic power.

Something to remember is that in this game Solar Exalted are basically condemned as demons by the major religion of the setting.

So, the players are part of this huge, multinational caravan that has traveled a long distance to raid a bunch of ancient solar exalted tombs. They've spent several months of time in game and a couple of years out of game time pretending to be more or less normal people.

Because the combat guy hasn't had so much to do lately, I decide "Ok, now you guys get to fight a Tyrant Lizard." And our Diplomancer decides he wants to tame it, if he gets the opportunity. And, after a couple rounds of combat without anyone getting to a position where they can kill it and after some discussion with the group, he decides to Yolo, and go all in ...including flaring his battle aura and making it obvious to everyone within several miles that he is a Solar Exalt.

He did tame the T-Rex (who is now called Toothy), but the fallout from this should be a fairly epic test of his diplomancer powers. To be fair, he did consult with the group first, so they were all ok with this. But it'll be interesting to see how they run with this next session.
Rhino_Man 24th Mar 2017, 1:45 AM edit delete reply
My wizard got stiffed in an underground fighting ring in which my party "cleric" a 10 foot tall yeti was registered to fight in. Things got nasty, what with the place being raided shortly afterwards so instead of doing the sane thing which was quietly retreat and try to pick up a few things on the trip out, I lit the place on fire, got arrested for arsen and later after having been sprung by the party in less then legal way we had to skip town in one hell of a hurry.

the DM had to rewrite all his plot hooks because we were wanted criminals in what was SUPPOSED to be the main hub town of our campaign.
Rastaba 23rd Mar 2017, 6:33 AM edit delete reply
Relatively more sane generally means a lot less fun or exciting.
aerion111 23rd Mar 2017, 6:45 AM edit delete reply
'Relatively sane' has come up a lot in my discussions of 'Fallen London' (and the related Sunless Sea game) but not much otherwise.
In normal games, my groups tend to discuss less sane/insane boundaries and more evil/not evil.
As in, 'As far as our plans go, leaving that one farmer to die wasn't all that evil' or 'we're being relatively nice, given the sort of 'heroes' we usually are'.

In Fallen London, and derivatives, while it's not a tabletop roleplaying game there is plenty of cause to discuss 'relatively' sane things; It's an insane world (my headcanon for why sunlight hurts the natives, based on how it affects other things (destroy nightmarish monsters, clean away strange not-quite snow, make mirrors ONLY reflect what's really there, and so on) is that the sunlight clears away the madness. And since it's madness to survive down there, especially with as many mortal wounds that the average player-character gets and easily survives, you DIE when exposed to sufficient sunlight)
But as mad as the world is, there's still people going to stores, buying food that's almost normal from shopkeepers that might seem normal at a distance, and then going on to discuss almost-rational business with nearly-sane individuals.
So, a lot of what goes on in the 'Neath' is 'relatively sane'.
Guest 23rd Mar 2017, 6:29 PM edit delete reply
Actually, if I remember correctly, the sun is creating and enforcing its own rules (somehow). That's why things are different in the Neath. No sun.
aerion111 25th Mar 2017, 3:53 AM edit delete reply
I'll take your word for it - must be something I missed, or never encountered. Plenty of both to go around in that multi-game universe.
But that's not too far off my headcanon then; It just means 'sanity' is dictated by the sun and its rules - my idea of the 'madness' of the Neath being destroyed in the light of the sun still stands, it's just more malicious and oppressive than I thought.
Digo Dragon 23rd Mar 2017, 7:09 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Rarity (panel 3): "Witness Me!!"

P.S.-- this may be the most brilliant relative title pun in the history of FiD.
kiapet 23rd Mar 2017, 7:23 AM edit delete reply
There was a Hag who was keeping prisoners, and we were supposed to rescue said prisoners without breaking their town's treaty with the Fae- as in no fighting. Upon reaching her house she came out and began speaking with us in a grandmotherly fashion. We ended up having most of our group distract her with conversation while the others snuck the prisoners out, then hid our tracks as we force-marched everyone out of there. Turns out if we'd just kept talking to her and been nice enough, she would've released the prisoners anyway and also given us a magical cloak.
Tempestfury 23rd Mar 2017, 1:15 PM edit delete reply
Actually, just talking nicely to the prisoner holding hag and getting a magical cloak sounds more insane that distracting her and rescuing the prisoners.
kiapet 24th Mar 2017, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
Ha, maybe that's true!
kiapet 24th Mar 2017, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
Ha, maybe that's true!
kiapet 24th Mar 2017, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
Ha, maybe that's true!
Rokas 23rd Mar 2017, 9:46 AM edit delete reply
Sanity is for the weak! Recently ran through an old D&D module involving certain sentient weapons. The short little ranger got the sword that sucks life and failed in his roll to resist attacking his teammates, so my character picked him up and threw him into the enemies who were trying to retreat. I ask you, was that sane? NYET! But it worked nonetheless and we now call him lawn dart.

The less-than-sane options are always far more fun.
Robin Bobcat 23rd Mar 2017, 2:38 PM edit delete reply
Ahh. White Plume Mountain? One of the more absurdly​ over the top 'tournament' modules.
Rokas 24th Mar 2017, 3:47 AM edit delete reply
Indeed! My friend is running the campaign as DM and he's a fan of old-school AD&D, so we've been running under a house modified version of that and he's been buying old modules to run it, which works out great as I and the others playing haven't really played the older modules (and myself never played D&D at all 'til this campaign) so it's all new to us while not being a huge creative strain on my friend.

As for over-the-top... Yeah, I really felt like finding the module's designer and force-feeding him a few D20s coated with eye-watering levels of capsaicin.
Specter 23rd Mar 2017, 10:00 AM edit delete reply
I have a story more relatively similar to this situation.

Our group of three is fighting cultists through out the campaign. We are currently infiltrating a fire cultists stronghold, and they are about to sacrifice a fire genesse to resurrect a fire demon. We rush forward, hoping to stop this and get flanked by some fire spawn. Something stronger than an ifirit.

I am fairly tanky, and I believe it better to send the barbarian to sway through more pathetic enemies ahead of us, cleric behind him to provide aid to the 'sacrifice'. So I hold off the fire thing while they rescue. As a note of context, this is not 5e, and I am a fighter going down the champion archetype whilst duel wielding longswords (more attacks, greater chance to crit).

Before round one I said, "Don't worry guys, I got this." This was imminently replaced after the round with, "Guy's, I might of messed up." As tanky and crit giving as I am, I found out this was out of our league. Literally. The fire spawn was immune to crits, had a three hit multi-attack, and it's cr was two higher then my level. As a side-note, our dm always thinks that a creatures cr is equivilant to a players level. I was lucky to survive.
Well... 23rd Mar 2017, 12:35 PM edit delete reply
To be fair, he's not so much incorrect as imprecise: A party of 4 is supposed to be able to defeat an encounter with a CR equal to their average ECL while consuming 25% of their resources.
Specter 23rd Mar 2017, 3:35 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, he just thought it was 1 to 1. Plus I found out that it was changed a bit in 5e where the cr is equal to 3x the player count instead of 4. Still we all learned something new.
Draxynnic 23rd Mar 2017, 8:45 PM edit delete reply
Well, in 3.5, a (demi)human with PC class levels did have a CR equal to their level, so in theory it was accurate. Four creatures with CRs equal to the party is supposed to be an even fight for a party of four (note that a campaign where most fights are 'even' is likely to be a short one before a TPK happens)

In practice... not so much. Pathfinder recognised this and gave PCs a CR one less than their level (level 1 PCs are CR 1/2, I think).
Truly Mad Moves 23rd Mar 2017, 11:34 AM edit delete reply
Truly Mad Moves
Well... here's a blast from the past for you, I haven't done this in ages, but here we go, here's me approaching the FID comment section asking about rule revisions for my 4E campaign.

That campaign's been off for quite some time... we're resuming it in May. I'm in a much better place now, mentally. All my crippling self-doubt that led to downright mental instability, nervous breakdowns and shouting matches with my players every single week, I think that's behind us. And I'm coming to terms with my complex relationship with 4th Edition... I'm gonna stick with it. No more will I think about all those crazy rule revisions I was pondering all throughout last year... since, after all, the community here gave me perfectly sound reasons to reject each and every one.

But... one problem remains. What I've learned as I've built up RPG experience is that, if you want to get anything done in any tabletop RPG, combat must be avoided at all costs. As a guy who loves action sequences and the use of all the cool combat powers that a game like 4E provides, that's kind of disappointing. I've trimmed most of my plans down to include only two combat encounters every story arc, out of sheer practicality, but I really don't want to do that, it seems like such a waste. But the fact remains that RPG combat, and especially 4th Edition combat, takes freakin' forever.

So, I've pondered two possible remedies, and I'd like some 4E veterans' thoughts on them... definitely need veterans' thoughts, because after, gosh, three years now, this campaign has gotten its characters halfway to Level 2, which is about 5 times farther than I've ever gotten a 4E campaign before, so I really don't know what I'm talking about. That's what this is all about, moving forward so I can *start* knowing what I'm talking about.

Solution #1: Escalation, a rule cribbed from 13th Age. Basically, every combat round, the player characters gain a +1 to their attack rolls, until the seventh round when they have a solid +6 attack bonus on top of their normal attack bonus for the rest of the encounter. Can be adjusted if the DM feels combat isn't actually escalating enough. I read once that 4E powers are designed to miss most of the time, so this might be a way around that... it's a lot cooler when stuff usually hits, I'd say...

Solution #2: Just plain reducing enemy hit points. Seems like they have way too many. So many that I think halving the HP of all 4E enemies would be very, very reasonable... and that's coming from a guy who, again, has never run an encounter with an enemy higher than Level 2, but even they seem too tough, and higher-level monsters' HP totals are just ridiculous.

Maybe both? I don't want combat made *easier* for the players, just faster. Would I have to build in something that increases risk as well?
Anvildude 23rd Mar 2017, 1:07 PM edit delete reply
Wait, only halfway to Level 2? That doesn't sound right... You've been giving out appropriate XP per-character and everything?

Also, from what I recall, aren't most enemies the players encounter in 4E supposed to be One-Hit-Wonders? Mooks or Fodder or whatever, with 1 HP, and only the Big Boss monster has actual hit dice?

I feel like (and I don't mean to be rude, here) you might be in that bad spot between 'following ALL the rules to the letter' and 'do what sounds right', in terms of DMing. The "Pure and Complete" rules as written in DnD mean that the party generally levels up every 2 or 3 sessions for the first few levels, then maybe every 5 or 6 sessions after that (a session being a 3 to 6 hour meeting of the whole group, depending on Roleplaying and number of Monty Python tangents).

Or, if you're going completely off-the-cuff, you can easily say "Okay, that session's over, you all gain a level. Have your characters updated by next session." And at that point, it's less about rolling dice, and more about cooperative storytelling, even with combat (because the DM is allowed to make up results).

If you're stagnating that much, maybe try going to the extreme one way or the other- do a deep study of the DM and monster and encounter rules, get a copy of everyone's Character Sheet, hard-design a full little module around that; or go the opposite way and play a session without dice, just going on what the players decide and a combination of stats and how well it fits the story.

See which of those is more fun/works better with the group (and definitely ask them what they think) and then blend back towards the other until you get to a good mix.

Especially if you enjoy the action and combat mechanics, you shouldn't limit them.
Truly Mad Moves 23rd Mar 2017, 3:03 PM edit delete reply
Truly Mad Moves
I'm afraid so. I'm afraid the only two people I DM for are so painfully slow that it takes us about twenty twice-weekly three-hour sessions to get through one session's worth of material. I give them the XP they've earned once sessions actually end... which is, so far, every twenty sessions. If I gave them an XP bonus every time they so much as chose a course of action, that would still be one XP bonus every two or three sessions. No, I don't know how the heck that's possible either, but no matter what I try it's been very, very consistently true.

I'm choosing to be optimistic that this'll change when we get back to it, but my experience in 4E combat tells me some form of streamlining there still needs to be done.

No, most 4E monsters have about twice as much HP as a player of their level, with big boss monsters with two or five times as much HP as that. The one-hit foes are common enough but painfully uninteresting, in my opinion.

I'm not seeing that bad spot at all. I think that between following the rules and DMing my way I'm in the exact right spot. With that in mind, I guess all I can do is *try* those two methods and see how they work. Won't hurt the campaign any...

Trying something new, you say? Heheheheheheeeeeee, oh God no, I tried that. Worst idea I ever had. Better to keep doing what we're doing so they at least have about 10% of a clue of what's actually going on...
Winged Cat 23rd Mar 2017, 11:46 AM edit delete reply
Winged Cat
Knew it! Now the question is, does Rarity actually suggest to the GM that her wings burn off before the GM says this, leaving no OOC doubt that this was her plan?

And if so, does Rarity make a show about sacrificing her PC to make up for what RD's been going through, only for RD to not care and insist on saving her anyway?

...and is Rarity counting on RD feeling that way?

Finally (for now), is PP sitting comfortably because she figures that's how it'll all go down why is anyone worried?
Guest 23rd Mar 2017, 12:53 PM edit delete reply
Based on the GM's dialogue in panel 4, I'm pretty sure the wings burning is already scheduled.
Digo Dragon 23rd Mar 2017, 1:30 PM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Mmhmm, yes it would seem Rarity's player was banking on this, and then realized too late in the last panel there was an easier method. XD

But surely RD saving a pony's life in front of Celestia will earn her a ticket. :D
Winged Cat 23rd Mar 2017, 2:57 PM edit delete reply
Winged Cat
The GM may have scheduled it, but if Rarity suggests it before the GM says it, then everyone would know that Rarity meant for it to happen. As it is, it is probable but not yet beyond doubt that that is Rarity's intent.
HSDclover 23rd Mar 2017, 1:38 PM edit delete reply
Somehow, this scene always makes me think of the scene with Galadriel saying "All will love me and despair!"
aerion111 25th Mar 2017, 3:40 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, I am hearing a lot of ominous music and evil declarations myself.
Someone 23rd Mar 2017, 2:58 PM edit delete reply
Strip 885, In Which Rarity Holds The Idiot Ball
minalkra 23rd Mar 2017, 3:39 PM edit delete reply
That Dash-face.
Lalli-is-Best 23rd Mar 2017, 5:40 PM edit delete reply
There's no fun in sanity.
James Luton 24th Mar 2017, 3:58 AM edit delete reply
So my home group was recently playing a very "investigation"-themed campaign, where we were agents of the local count whose jobs it was to investigate and then deal with any problems that were beyond the Regular Joe town guards. Or, anything that one of the nobles who put enough gold in the count's pockets decided was that important (we LITERALLY got called out to an old merchant-lord's house because he was a crotchety old man who was tired of the damn hobos on his lawn, and wanted us to get rid of them.) Our less-than-sane thing was when we got called out AGAIN to the rich old guy's manor because he had a noise complaint. This time, it turned out to be actually important, because the noise was coming from a war party of orcs who were heading for the city, and weren't being too subtle. Guards were spread thin because of a war going on, and the orcs knew it, so they didn't care too much if we heard them coming the night before the raid. This turned out to be a fatal mistake, as we now had a night to prepare what meager defenses we had. Rather than hole up in the count's castle (as most of the citizenry wouldn't fit, and three of us were Good enough that they didn't want to leave the commoners to die, and I was Lawful enough that I felt the count should do his duty and protect the people) we ended up convincing the count to drag the cannons on his castle out to the rich old guy's castle-like manor, since it was going to be the first target hit anyway. We set up our defenses behind the old guy's chest-high stone wall, more decorative than an actual fortification, but it was good enough. We'd gotten anyone who could fight involved, other than the Count himself and his personal guard, and since there was a Wizard's college in town (this being a prominent county seat and all), well, a handful of fifth-level Wizards behind cover is good enough to deal with most orc hordes, especially with a bunch of crossbowmen and archers picking off anyone who made their Reflex Saves. Of course, there was one group who split off to go hit the Count's castle, and they turned out to be the actually badass orcs, instead of the cannon fodder we'd been fighting, and the Count's personal guard had been no match, and we got there just in time to see the count get killed by the elite raiders. Which, to be honest, was not a fun thing to explain to the Baron when he showed up the next day, passing through with a group of soldiers on their way to the front lines who would have been our unknown deus-ex-machina if we HAD ended up getting sieged.
ladyofthelibrary 5th Apr 2017, 2:03 PM Flaming Cthulhu and the Squirrel Don edit delete reply
I'm not entirely sure if there was a saner way to take care of this problem outside of "kill everyone" but this is a story a friend shared with me about a session of D&D she did.

Players K, E, A, P, and J were playing D&D. K is a bird-person bard, E's a human warlock, A's an elven druid, P is a dwarven monk, and J was DM. They were on a quest to clear monsters out of some ruins for an admittedly somewhat shady contractor, and came upon a camp of bandits. A and K sneaked close and overheard them talking about their boss, who'd been exploring deep in the ruins for days with no word. They reported back to their party with this information and came up with most ridiculous plan.
K can talk to animals, so she found a rather regal-looking squirrel (who turned out to be the don/leader of all the squirrels in the area, go figure) and convinced him to get the squirrels to swarm the bandit camp.These bandits had been eating squirrels while they camped out, so the squirrels were more than happy to help. Then E used Prestidigitation to create mini Cthulhu figurines out of wood (his warlock worships Cthulhu, as a note). P then started chucking the figurines into the camp as A set them on fire in midair.
The bandit camp was suddenly swarmed with angry squirrels and flaming wooden monstrosities as E used a spell to telepathically communicate with the panicking bandits. He told them in a booming voice that their boss was delicious and unless they wanted to meet the same fate that they better leave this instant as the Great Cthulhu would descend upon them and devour them. Needless to say, the bandits ran screaming and accidentally knocked all their supplies into their fire.
They received the eternal thanks of the squirrels and apperently one of the bandits became super religious and became a monk after the fact in an attempt to have protection from Cthulhu in the future.

E is the guy who got psychics banned by a DM who doesn't ban things.